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The sun was already out when Five woke up but when he opened the window the air was still fresh from the early fall days, it would probably rain today, he thought. Since coming back, after there was no more apocalypse to fight his relationship to rain had changed, back in the apocalypse it was something he hated, made him wet, cold and miserable but also something that brought water he so desperately needed, had been both blessing and curse as he brought out every pot he had to catch his water (long before he developed a better way to collect rain) and took cover together with Dolores shivering and holding onto her, during his time with the commission it had been annoying, people hated staying outside and it was much easier to find a murderer when there was only one person around, but if you planned correctly you could use the rain as a friend who washed away all the evidence.
Now, there was nothing good nor bad about the rain, not really. It didn’t matter much if it rained or not, his days weren’t dictated by the weather anymore and far more so by what his siblings wanted to do, sometimes even by what he wanted to do.
He walked downstairs. He never used to use the stairs but that was not an option anymore. Everything had changed.
“Mornin’ sleepyhead,” Luther said and waved at him. The big wheelchair as well as the oxygen tank still made Five uncomfortable, even though they’d been incredibly lucky that Doctor Sinclair had gotten those for them after they had rushed him to her all of them trying to ignore how unsettling an aged version of their mother was. She had taken care of him with the same efficiency their mother would have but there had been nothing of her familiar kindness, she had watched Luther with a sort of scientific interest that had unsettled Five, reminded him of Reginald.
It turned out without his superstrength it was impossible for him to keep up his mutated body like he had done for years before. It also turned out he was in pain most of the time, maybe had been before too. Five wondered why they had never asked, wondered if he would have told them.
“Coffee’s ready. You want any breakfast?”
“I can get it myself,” Five said and quickly added: “You don’t know how to make a good sandwich anyway, always slap too much peanut butter on it.”
It was better to make his brother believe that his sandwich making skills were insufficient than telling Luther that he didn’t want him to overwork himself, Luther enjoyed helping them with everything of course and that was great but he still needed to adjust to his new limits and Five didn’t need him to exhaust himself.
“Alright,” Luther said and looked at him. “I’ll just… be in the Florida room.”
Five nodded as he took the bread. That was where Luther spend most of his days now, taking care of the flowers and reading. Five wondered if he was isolating himself by choice or if he was getting into his head and just being lonely once again. He wished he could reach out, help somehow but it was still hard for him, hard for him to talk to his siblings now. Now that he ended up taking away their powers from them.
For the greater good of course.
But what was that really? What if he’d been wrong? What if he had left his siblings vulnerable without their powers and the apocalypse still coming?
And not only his siblings, the sparrow academy, Lila, every single person born during the 12th hour of October 1989 to a mother who hadn’t been pregnant when the day first began.
Five walked out to the back porch with his breakfast and coffee.
They were staying in one of Dad’s vacation houses, out in country.
He probably used to hunt here too but the place stayed mostly unused after their adoption.
None of them could stand staying in the academy any longer and there was a breakdown from one of them almost every single day. So they found this place, as far away as possible and this was the best solution Allison found after going through Dad’s stuff.
It was quiet, nice, the next town was an hour drive away and the landscape was beautiful in a way that made Five wonder when he’d get sick of it. For now he still liked it outside though.
It was exactly what they needed to recover, to relearn how to live their lives without what had made them special in the first place.
The air was crisp and cool and Five pulled a warm knitted blanket over his shoulders as he sat down on one of the garden chairs on the porch looking out at the forest in front of him.
He tried to imagine their father hunting in the area tried to imagine what the man had been like before he had children, he knew the point was to get away from all of the bad memories but really he didn’t think he compared to his siblings that well, to him Dad had been dead for decades, he had the time to be angry, to get mad, to drink, to yell, to rage and throw shit around.
And now all that was left were unanswered questions, moments he had missed out on and the admiration his thirteen year old self had still felt for the man and that he wasn’t quiet able to shake just like with the sentence I told you so he still kept hearing anytime he thought of his father. He had told him so, true. But there was something else to it, Dad had told him not to do it but all he had given him were riddles and unclear instructions, at least in 2003. In 1963 when his father had regarded him as a full person he had explained a technique to him, to time travel seconds instead of years. It was interesting how things changed once his father didn’t see him as his child anymore.
That was what Five was currently grappling with. His father’s inability to be a father, to see him and his siblings as people instead of problems he had to deal with. His lack of skill in communicating to him what he meant when he said that Five wasn’t ready to time travel and his lack of care in ensuring his sibling’s safety, Ben’s death, Luther’s current state, Diego’s scar, Allison’s inability to see her daughter, the fear in Vanya’s eyes when she spoke up… all evidence for their father’s failure.
These things clashed with the picture of the cruel, awful yet competent man he had held onto.
You missed out on his golden years Diego had told him, the bitterness evident in his voice and he knew he had. Had taken off when things were already bad but not as bad as they started to become in the following years. He’d read Vanya’s book, read what happened after he vanished, back then her words had seemed little more than childish whining to him, after all what was a bad home compared to no home left? To a desolated world?
But as he aged he realized what his siblings went through wasn’t easy, that pain could come in many forms.
Five sighed and sipped from his coffee, scolding himself for thinking about it. Their current predicament had nothing to do with their father after all.
He was gone and after the whole mess with the sparrow academy and everything that went down with them and the loss of their powers, Five isn’t really sure what to think at the moment, his life without his powers making the world less accessible, there were no more thoughts about the next place he could get to, no more use for the equations that he still constantly ran in his mind and there are no more power bristling in his body, in the tips of his fingers as he balled his hands into fists, his hands rendered incapable of bringing him to any place.
He knew it was the same for the others – worse in Luther’s case, probably better in Klaus’ and Allison’s - , none of them had realized before how much their powers influenced their lives.
It was easier now to understand Vanya’s freak-out when she discovered them.
They were gone again for her too.
It was the best solution. Five kept telling himself that.
The anomaly which had caused them, all of them, was the same that had caused the apocalypse and it was either their powers or their lives and Five didn’t even have to think about that choice for long.
“Hi, Five!”
Klaus yelled and let himself fall down onto the chair next to him a hand up in the air.
“Morning, Klaus,” Five greeted and looked at his brother. Klaus did grapple with the missing powers but less than a lot of the others. Klaus had always hated his powers after all. Still, he had remarked on how quiet things were now and was walking around listening to music or podcast or some other thing all the time now and Five couldn’t blame him for that either.
Now though after letting his raised hand sink back into his lap with a sigh Klaus popped the earbuds out of his ears and looked at him.
“Slept well?” he asked.
“Yeah,” Five said.
“Liar,” Klaus said. “I can see the dark shadows under your eyes, you know?”
Five shrugged.
“So, what have you been doing instead of sleeping? Didn’t sneak off to do any of your usual mischief, did you?”
Five shook his head. “Of course not, there is no more mischief as you call it for me to do.”
“Mh,” Klaus made and looked at him. “What’s going on with you Fünf-Käse-hoch? Why so gloomy?”
Five sighed. In the past (not far in the past though, only la few weeks ago maybe) he would have gotten annoyed even angry at Klaus, told him to bother someone else or other… meaner things, a bite behind each of his words but right now he’s just too exhausted.
It’s been exhausting not to have a goal to work towards. It’s been exhausting to have to take time to rest, in the weirdest, awfullest, most annoying oxymoron.
“I’ve just been thinking,” Five said.
“Wanna tell your favorite sibling what you’ve been thinking about then?”
“Pretty sure Vanya’s out buying groceries,” Five gave back.
Klaus rolled his eyes. “Cute, disappointing, very hurtful, but cute. Then tell your second favorite!”
“Luther needs to rest, doctor’s orders. Don’t wanna upset him in his state.”
Klaus gasped in mock shock. “You’re the worst, can’t believe I’m not in your top 2!”
“If it helps any, you do make the top 7, but it was a close one,” Five couldn’t help but enjoy this soft banter. Even though it was silly and pointless like most of their movie nights. He’d never admit it though.
“Oh, shut up,” Klaus said and softly hit his upper arm. “Is that what you were thinking about?”
“My top list of siblings? Yes, Klaus, I make them every night depending on how much you annoyed me that day, far more important than sleep,” Five said sarcastically.
“No, dumbass, I mean Luther and his state,” Klaus holds up his hands. “You know you don’t need to worry about him, I mean I get it, I do too, but he’s not… leaving. Dr. Mom said she’s looking for a way to help him. To reverse the whole… mess. And besides: Not your fault. You don’t have anything you need to blame yourself for.”
Five made a face. He hated when Klaus did that. Took one silly thing he had said when his walls hadn’t been up enough and picked at it until he hit bull’s eye.
He balled his hands into fists.
Once again he wished his powers back and if just to exit this conversation.
“Five, I mean it, it’s not your fault Dad messed his body and you had to do what you did. He agreed, he helped! None of us knew this is what would end up happening,” Klaus told him, stupidly serious now. Serious and Klaus didn’t fit and yet these sort of somber touchy, feely conversations always happen with him. Another oxymoron.
“I should have thought about it at least,” Five muttered.
“Mh, can’t think of everything, little bro,” Klaus told him. “We’ll figure it out, anyway, figured out everything so far, didn’t we?”
Five shrugged. He guessed that was true though their way of figuring things out seemed to lead to more and more and more problems.
He took another bite from his sandwich putting all of his frustration in it this time making sure that his breakfast really knew that it had been made at the wrong time by the wrong person who really just ate it for sustenance and to taste the artificial sweetness of marshmallows.
“Yes,” he said more to Klaus’ benefit because he knew that they’d need his brother’s positivity and if he’d destroyed that too what kind of chance did any of them have anymore? “You’re probably right.”
“I know I am,” Klaus told him and clapped a hand on his back. “Want me to stop disturbing your quaint, quiet, pessimistic breakfast?”
Five sighed. “You can stay, if you really want to,” he told his brother.”
Klaus considered that for a second. “Nah,” he told him. “I can tell when I’m unwelcome, plus, I really wanna talk with Luther about what else he could garden in his little glass room,” he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. Five couldn’t tell if he was being serious or not but he didn’t really care.
Klaus clapped him on the shoulder softly and smiled. “We just need to get used to living as boring, normal people now. What a thrill,” he told him and then he was gone and Five was left looking out at the big endless forest in front of him, the one his father might have once shot at deer in with stingy business partners and sipped from his coffee again.
Without noticing it a smile slipped onto his lips.
It was a thrill, wasn’t it?