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Jeongin might've not been the most physically affectionate of the group, but that just meant he showed love differently. His love language was taking care of his hyungs before they even realized what was happening. It was lighthearted teasing to mask an affection that ran more deeply than he cared to analyze at the moment. He always tried to pay attention and give back the same love he received. And yet, on days like those, it was yearning that made itself known. If it weren't for the fact that he knew his members would drop anything to make him feel better, he'd kind of hate that needy part of himself. But he had been reminded time and time again that he was just human. If anything, he loved how the member's faces would light up when he asked to spend some downtime together.
Today in particular, Jeongin wanted to be enveloped. It felt like an itch under his skin. Something he knew he could solve in no time if he got over the lingering embarrassment that always came with it. He just hadn't initiated cuddles in a while... He should’ve known it would only be a matter of time though. Stressful schedules and dance practices that felt endless had him tense. Ready to snap at any moment. He really wanted to be held. Even if just for a bit.
While he hyped himself up, he started going through the list of available members. Right now, he knew that not all of them were home, so that narrowed down his list. If he remembered correctly, Seungmin, Hyunjin, and Felix should be around. That meant three possible cuddle partners.
He started with the living room, having heard the TV on from the hallway. He walked there quietly, almost nervously. It's as if he had forgotten that he was literally in his own dorm about to ask for something the members would somehow say no to.
"What are we watching?" Jeongin asked, hoping it sounded nonchalant enough.
"A movie Hyunjin wanted to watch," Seungmin answered.
When Jeongin finally had them in view, he saw Hyunjin resting his head on Seungmin's lap. He frowned at the fact that it immediately knocked two members from his list, but made sure to acknowledge Seungmin's answer.
"That's cool. Do you guys know what Felix-hyung is doing?" This was Jeongin's last chance at the dorm. He wasn't sure if his pride could take actually leaving the dorm just because he wanted to be held. Unthinkable, he wouldn't let it happen.
"I think he's gaming in his room," Hyunjin answered offhandedly. He was definitely more engrossed in the movie than Seungmin, who was casually combing his fingers through Hyunjin's hair.
"I want that," Jeongin whined internally. "Cool," was what he answered instead, "enjoy the movie then."
"You're not staying?" Seungmin asked.
"Ah, not this time. I was actually just looking for Felix-hyung." Not true, his brain supplied.
"Gotcha, I'll bring you up to speed if you decide to change your mind," Seungmin said kindly.
"Thanks, hyung, I'll hold you up to that." Felix’s room it was.
He wasn't sure if he wanted to interrupt Felix considering gaming usually meant "him time." It was like his own stress-free bubble. Or as stress-free as you could get when dealing with strangers on the internet. Before he could overthink it much, he reached Felix's room and carefully opened the door.
As Jeongin expected, his hyung was sitting on his desk chair in front of his monitors. He had his chunky headphones on and Jeongin was quick to recognize the game Felix was playing. He knew Felix couldn't really pause it at the moment, so he took a seat on the nearest bed and waited 'til the round was over.
It wasn't long and soon enough Felix was in the game's lobby, waiting to start another round. Jeongin stood up and tapped Felix's shoulder.
Felix must've been really engrossed in the game, flinching in his chair at Jeongin's presence and letting out a small squeak.
"Fuck, Innie, you scared me," Felix said, deep voice filling the silence of the room.
"I can see that," Jeongin snorted. "How's your game going?" Small talk is good, Jeongin thought.
"Pretty alright. I managed to snag a win, but I'm a bit off today not gonne lie," Felix answered, going back to clicking around on his computer. Jeongin noticed that another round would be starting soon.
"Hyung," Jeongin started again. He heard Felix hum in response, signaling that he was paying attention. So, now or never. "Do you mind if we cuddle? Just for a bit?"
Jeongin should've seen Felix's dramatic gasp coming. Felix immediately swiveled on his chair to face Jeongin, the brightest smile on his face. Jeongin wasn't sure what to expect next, but he could feel his face warming by the minute.
"You want to cuddle with me?" Felix said in that shit-eating tone of his while pointing at his chest. "You want hyung to hold you, Innie?" Felix asked, making grabby hands at Jeongin.
Jeongin immediately stood up from the bed. "This was a mistake, I'm leavi-"
"Nooooo!" Felix interrupted. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I was just surprised, that's all. Don't leave," Felix pouted. Jeongin looked away immediately, Felix's pout was dangerous. And Jeongin was a weak, weak man. "Do you want to wait 'til I'm done gaming?"
Jeongin thought about it. How to put into non-embarrassing words that he honestly just wanted to bask in Felix's presence? He came to Felix because he wanted to not think about anything for a bit, and he didn't think he needed Felix's individual attention to achieve that. Maybe he could…
"Innie," Felix drawled "you're so cute when you're concentrated," he giggled. Not even bothering to try and dodge Jeongin's smack on his shoulder. Instead, he reached to hold Jeongin's hand.
"I'm never asking you for anything ever again," Jeongin stated, but didn't let go of Felix's hand.
"I don't really need your undivided attention or anything. I kinda just want to be with you for a bit." Jeongin could barely get the last part out, his cheeks feeling noticeably warmer.
"Awww, Jeonginnie, you're adorable," Felix cooed, squeezing Jeongin's hand tighter.
Jeongin whined at that. "End my misery please. I don't want to think anymore," he complained.
"I know just how." Felix let go of Jeongin's hand to pat his lap instead. "Sit," he commanded.
"Sit?" Did he hear that correctly? "Can you even hold me up? Will the chair hold us up?"
"It will, trust me. And you said you wanted to be held! It'll be perfect," Felix said, trying to convince him.
Although Jeongin was skeptical, he figured it would at least be funny if this failed epically. "Okay," he agreed.
Felix once again signaled Jeongin to sit on his lap. So Jeongin did. Facing Felix, Jeongin carefully got on top of him. He placed his knees on what was left of the chair, basically straddling Felix, and settled on his lap. His legs splayed around him, but he felt it was comfortable enough.
"Now what." Jeongin tried hiding how flustered he felt sitting so close to Felix.
"Uh, I kinda meant facing the monitor."
Jeongin choked. "Ohmygod," he whispered. "I'm, I'm so sorr-" he was about to climb back down, but Felix placed his hands on his waist, effectively pulling Jeongin back down on his lap.
"No, wait," Felix started. "This could work too since this way you're leaning into me. You won't slide off like this either." Felix was smiling up at him again and Jeongin didn't know how he hadn't combusted already. "It'll be great," Felix assured him.
"Oh my god," Jeongin repeated, still breathless. He hadn't forgotten how Felix's hands were still on his waist.
"You need to relax first," Felix stated. "I know this position is, uh, new. Yeah. But we've cuddled tons already! Just, lean into me, yeah?"
Right. Jeongin nodded at Felix, not sure he could string a proper sentence at the moment. Instead, he focused on Felix. He focused on his bright eyes and wide smile. On how relaxed he seemed. How happy he looked knowing that he could be there for Jeongin.
"Right," Jeongin whispered as he let himself relax. He slowly went limp on Felix as he dropped his head on the crook of Felix's neck. They were basically flushed against each other. Jeongin finally limp on Felix's lap.
"Do you wanna stretch your legs behind me? I can lift the handles." Without answering, Jeongin went about stretching his legs. The handles folding up easily enough so he didn't struggle much. Though it meant that now he was somehow pressed even more against Felix.
"How do you feel?" Felix asked quietly.
"It's nice," Jeongin mumbled into his neck.
"Alright, I'm glad you're feeling good. I'll keep playing then so let me know if anything bothers you. "
Jeongin felt Felix move the chair and put his headphones back on. Soon the clicking of Felix's keyboard and mouse were the only sounds in the room, accompanied by the faint noises that came from Felix's headphones. Jeongin could hear voices from time to time, but Felix never responded.
Now that Jeongin was more relaxed around Felix, he decided to let his arms rest on Felix's shoulders and nuzzled his face closer into his neck. He found it relaxing, somehow. How familiar Felix was. It was exactly what Jeongin was looking for.
He knew it wasn't too late into the day, but Felix had kept the curtains drawn. He found himself almost mesmerized by the light that had managed to slip through the blinds and bounced off the walls of the room. Every once in a while, Felix would give Jeongin a sort of head pat. Leaning to rest his own head on top of Jeongin's.
"Feeling good, Innie?" Felix whispered, having passed a couple of rounds in his game. He took advantage of the lull in his game and rubbed Jeongin's back.
All Jeongin could do was hum his response. He didn't even want to think about words at the moment. Not when he hadn't felt so light in weeks. The room was cool and Felix felt pleasantly warm.
"Okay, I'm glad. I'm glad you came to me too," Felix confessed. "It makes me happy knowing you felt comfortable enough.”
Jeongin once again hummed, letting his hyung know that he was listening. This time, he wasn't sure if he'd be able to properly convey how thankful he was, so he stayed quiet. Instead of words, he lifted his head and pressed a soft kiss against Felix's cheek. He heard a soft gasp and Jeongin immediately hid his face in Felix's neck again.
Felix immediately wrapped Jeongin in a tight hug. "Innie, you're so wonderful," he whispered in into Jeongin's ear. "Don't ever change."
The feeling of warmth that rushed through Jeongin and settled in his chest left him smiling against Felix. “Whatever you say, hyung,” he teased “you won’t be saying that once I go back to teasing you guys.” Felix laughed and Jeongin could feel Felix’s chest rumble along.
“Even if you turn into public menace #1, I still don’t want you to change,” Felix said sincerely. “You’re perfect.”
“Hyuuuung,” Jeongin whined. His face warmed and he knew he was going to start getting squirmy if Felix continued.
“What?! I haven’t said anything that isn’t true.” Felix argued.
“Still… It’s embarrassing…” he whispered.
Wrong thing to say if Felix’s scandalized gasp was anything to go by.
“Our little maknae? Our Innie?? Embarrassed?! Now we can’t have that.” Felix pulled up Jeongin so that they could stare at each other face to face. “You’re wonderful.” Felix stated.
“I am going to leave,” Jeongin said, face most definitely red. He was vulnerable already, okay? Felix just caught him off guard with his compliments.
“No you aren’t,” Felix said, pulling him back into the position he had been in before. “You,” a soft kiss on Jeongin’s nape “are going to stay” another one under his ear “right here” another on his neck.
“Oh my god.” Jeongin’s breath was shaky, body squirmy at the affection. Jeongin felt as Felix nuzzled his nose against his neck and shivered at the touch.
“I hope you come to me more,” Felix mumbled.
“I will, hyung… I’ll always need you.”