Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

        It was one thing to admit something to himself. Shinsou Hitoshi had never truly had a problem with this. After a period of self-reflection, he didn’t feel the need to have others validate his feelings. This was just a part of life. He’d looked into the concept of it all himself, he’d done his research, and he’d finally stared himself down in the mirror and told himself the truth. There had been no need to push back against himself; he was certain, and that certainty was absolute. 

        The real trouble was admitting it to someone else.

        Shinsou stared across the classroom at his empty desk, dreading going and sitting beside his friends. There was a burning desire in his chest to tell them everything, but his own home life had told him it wouldn’t go that way. This sort of thing wasn’t to be spoken aloud to anyone else. They might not be safe. He didn’t want to see his friends and consider them as unsafe, yet the hesitance persisted. Their words, if they proved to be judgemental, would cut like a knife. This wasn’t the sort of pain he wanted to deal with--not now, not ever. 

        He shook his head. Perhaps talking to his friends could be a safe thing. He’d have to test the water, just as one did with anything. After all, everyone didn’t like to talk about action films or dark fantasy. Preferences were preferences, no matter what the discussion was. His job was to read the room and determine when and if it was safe to discuss what he needed to discuss. Sighing, he stepped into the room and slipped into his seat, setting his messenger bag on the floor beside him. He glanced beside himself to see what Kendou was doing. She had her head bowed as she read something on her phone. No, now wasn’t the time to bring it up.

        If he told anyone, he thought, it would be Kendou. She was one of the few people in the school who knew that Shinsou was transgender. The discovery had been an accident, of course. She’d looked over his records as the class president and was shocked to see his sex marker was listed as female in them. He’d asked her to keep quiet about it, telling her that until he could get his parents to help him change his legal marker, it was all on him to communicate with his teachers that he wanted to be recognized as a boy. Kendou had kept this knowledge to herself, and she’d never abused the knowledge. He was grateful for that, so he hoped that she’d be the person to tell.

        His parents definitely weren’t on the list of people he wanted to tell. When he’d come out to them as transgender, they’d lamented the ‘death of their daughter.’ They still refused to properly use his preferred pronouns and new name, going as far to emphasize his birth name whenever they spoke to him. It was the main reason he feared telling people who he truly was. There was no guarantee that the people around him were open-minded. Sighing, he pulled out a notebook and opened it on his desk. That was the trouble with those little things one admitted to oneself. They were often things society forced you to admit.

        “Good morning.”

        Shinsou lifted his head up and gave Kendou a small smile. She couldn’t tell that he wasn’t in the mood to have a full conversation. It would have benefited him most to tell her that, but he kept his mouth shut and just let her talk. He didn’t feel like hurting her feelings, even though he needed the peace right now. Perhaps if he let her talk, he’d forget about the uncomfortable desire to jump up and exclaim to someone the little revelation he’d had about himself recently. 

        “Monoma was betting that you wouldn’t come in today,” she said. “He really thought you’d take off to go and see the grand opening of that new comic store downtown.”

        He couldn’t help but smirk at something like that. He shook his head.

        “When is Monoma going to learn that I’m not into manga and anime like that?” he said, letting out a dry laugh. 

        Kendou giggled and shook her head. 

        “He’s relentless,” she said. “But now he owes me a strawberry yogurt bun. You want anything out of it?”

        Shinsou shook his head. As humorous as it was, he still didn’t want to extort Monoma for a vending machine snack. He took out a mechanical pencil and an eraser to set beside his notebook. Glancing around the room, he checked to see if Monoma was even in yet. He didn’t see the boy’s blond hair anywhere. A smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth. It seemed like he was out doing exactly what he’d suspected Shinsou would do. The irony was enough to temporarily relieve his discomfort.

        Focusing on school did the rest for him. He tuned out the itch, instead training his eyes on the chalkboard as the teacher lectured through the day’s lessons. The morning trudged by, holding him captive for what felt like an eternity. He had to keep his focus, otherwise he’d feel the desire to talk creeping back into his skin. His distraction vanished once the lunch hour came, and he hurried off to buy a quick meal for himself. Kendou slipped into the lunch line behind him and tapped him on his shoulder. He frowned and remained forwards. 

        “I don’t have any extra cash to buy you a meal,” he said. 

        She tapped on him again, this time with a little more force. He turned around and watched as she crossed her arms over her chest. She looked irritated about something. Frowning deeper, he shoved his hands into his pockets. 

        “Can I help you with something?” he asked. 

        Kendou narrowed her eyes at him, as if it were his job to keep track of what she was thinking. He waited for her to respond, not wanting her to think that he would just give up whatever she wanted without stating it first.

        “Something’s been bothering you all day,” she said. “I can see it as plain as day on your face. What’s up? Do you want to talk about it?”

        He groaned and turned back around to step up in line. This wasn’t a conversation he wanted to have. He was supposed to be avoiding the urge to tell someone. She wasn’t helping that urge vanish. She was teasing it, beckoning it to come out and reveal itself. He clenched his jaw and hoped she’d drop it.

        “Hey, if you don’t want to talk about it, that’s fine with me,” she said. “But refusing to give me an answer is pretty rude, Hitoshi.” 

        Her answer would have to wait. He was at the counter, telling the woman on the other side what he’d like to eat today. He handed over his lunch money and accepted the exchanged food. Kendou stepped up and did the same. Shinsou waited for her to join him, and then he walked beside her in silence to a table by the window. She was still waiting for a response as if to make a point. He sighed and picked up his chopsticks.

“I don’t know if I want to talk about it,” he said, silently hoping she’d prod him a little more. 

        By the end of this conversation, he figured, he’d either tell her or he’d decide if he was going to tell her. There was no escaping it now. The itch was more of a burn now. If he didn’t satisfy it, he’d likely do something he regretted. He picked up some noodles and blew on them before slipping them into his mouth. Even this wasn’t a good enough distraction. He sighed and waited for Kendou to make her move. 

        “Then how can I help you decide?” she asked. “Is there a magic requirement to have access to special Shinsou information?”

        He hummed. 

        “I suppose...how did you feel when you found out I was trans?” he asked. 

        She frowned, clearly not able to pick up on where he was going with this. He wasn’t so sure he wanted to spell it out for her. This wasn’t a game, though, and she’d only be able to take random guesses for so long before she gave up and just asked him to come out with it. Either he wanted to talk or he didn’t. She wanted him to be straightforward. It was on him to actually be the straightforward one here. He sighed and chewed on his mouthful while he waited to see how she responded to that.

        “I mean, I wasn’t bothered, if that’s what you’re asking,” she said. “I feel like this is a trap to get me to say something accidentally transphobic.”

        Shinsou shook his head. 

        “No, nothing like that,” he said, quickly diffusing whatever argument that might lead to. “I just feel like your stance on LGBTQ things makes a difference in whether or not I want to talk about it. You never really said whether you supported this kind of stuff or not. So, I didn’t want to make any assumptions about what sort of conversations you’d be willing to engage in.”

        Kendou gave him a difficult to read stare.

        “People are people,” she said. “Their gender and their preferences don’t matter to me. You’re a kind person, Shinsou. Nothing would ever make me change that opinion aside from seeing you be unkind. Got it?”

        He smiled and nodded his head. There had never been anything to worry about. Kendou was someone he could trust, and her words proved that. He decided then that he’d tell her what he’d admitted to himself. This was his chance to get the itch out of his head. He took another bite of his lunch and chewed it thoroughly before he spoke again. 

        “Kendou, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking recently,” he said. “It’s come up, I guess, because at this age I see a lot of people going through that change to where they’re experiencing all of these...urges…”

        Kendou made a funny face, and then she giggled.

        “What, are a bunch of horny teens about to make you question your life?” she asked. 

        He nodded. 

        “I mean, in a manner of speaking that’s exactly it,” he said.

        She stopped giggling and gave him a concerned look. He drew in a breath and continued.

        “I looked up a few references to see if maybe there was something wrong with me,” he said. “And I came across an identity label that sounded like it might fit. I read more about it and did my research, and I’ve finally reached an answer concerning all of this.”

        Setting down her chopsticks, Kendou placed her chin in her hand and hummed. She was more intently listening to him now. He could tell that from the serious look in her eyes. He held onto his breath for a moment. He’d not yet said this aloud. His self-admission was internal and in front of his own mirror at home. This wasn’t something he’d just blurted out to the sky at the waking hours of the morning. 

        “And what answer is that?” Kendou asked, prompting him. 

        No, it was her way of encouraging him to give voice to it. If she was familiar with sexuality and gender spectrums, then she probably already knew the answer without him ever saying it. Kendou wanted him to feel at home saying this. He smiled.

        “I’m asexual,” he said. “Unlike the other teens around me, I don’t experience sexual attraction.”

        Grinning like a proud mother observing her young son’s refrigerator art, Kendou reached over and patted Shinsou’s left hand. 

        “Thank you for sharing this with me,” she said. 

        He bit his lip awkwardly and nodded. His heart was pounding in his chest. Had he really just come out with it like that? His body started to tremble. Kendou slipped out of her chair and moved to sit beside him. She hugged him gently. 

        “Is something wrong?” she asked. “Is it about why this was so hard for you to say?”

        Meekly, he nodded again. 

        “My parents were so angry with me when I told them I was trans,” he said. “And now, I’m ace, too. I feel like I have no one to really connect with on this level. I’m worried that people will be judgemental or angry or hateful.”

        Kendou gasped and held up a finger. She hurried back over to her seat where her purse was. She reached inside and pulled out a small flyer. She sat back down next to Shinsou and set the flyer down on the table for him to see. The ad was for a cat café downtown. He gave her an odd look. This didn’t seem particularly relevant.

        “What does a cat café have to do with my parents being the least open people on the planet?” he asked. 

        She held up her hands.

        “Okay, hear me out,” she said. “This cat café is run by a gay man. He’s opened the space to LGBTQ kids who feel out of place or unsafe. It’s almost like a kid-safe gay bar.”

        Shinsou didn’t know if he wanted to cringe at her comparison or laugh. 

        “Why do you have a flyer for a gay cat café?” he asked. 

        Kendou blushed.

        “I...I’ll have you know I’m an upstanding bisexual citizen!” she said. “In...in any case, you should try to check it out! You might find it to be a nice safe space for yourself when you want to get out of the house.”

        She slipped back into her own seat and started to finish up her meal. Shinsou stared down at the colorful ad with pictures of cute cats on it and hummed. If Kendou was telling the truth, this place could wind up being a bit of an oasis. He folded up the ad and placed it in his pocket. 

        “You gonna give it a try?” she asked. 

        Shinsou shrugged.

        “I’ll think about it, okay?” he said. 

        She smiled at him. 

        “Good.”

Chapter Text

        Clutching the slip of paper in his hands tightly, Shinsou scanned the area for signs of anyone he knew. As brave as he’d felt he’d been with Kendou the other day, he still felt the familiar tug of fear on his heart. At the moment she was the only person in the world who he trusted with his identity. She’d learned he was asexual before even his parents, a fact that he was admittedly grateful of. As a friendly gesture, Kendou had given him the location of a cat café which prided itself on being an LGBTQ safe space for teenagers. He avoided the idea for a few days, rather doubtful of the idea of a space being safe for him. The ad had been shoved down into his bag and gotten crinkled by the clutter surrounding it.

        Just last night, however, he’d turned over his backpack searching for a homework assignment he’d figured he had left behind at school. His door was closed, as his parents were screaming at one another again, blaming each other for the way Shinsou had “turned out.” Insults about him flew right past his door. All he could do was search for the assignment and try his best to tune them out. He searched through his papers until at last he saw it crumpled up with a vibrantly colored ad he’d disregarded for days. He picked the two papers up and smoothed them out. His eyes stayed glued to the ad for a moment as he pondered. Sighing, he scratched out the address on a slip of paper, shoved it into his uniform jacket’s left pocket, and he turned his focus back to the assignment. 

        As quickly as he’d shoved it into that pocket, he’d forgotten it once more. It wasn’t until he shoved his hands in his pockets idly at school the next day that he relocated the twice-lost address, and he pulled the slip out to stare down at it. He frowned at Kendou, who was focused on her lunch, and he silently told himself that it wouldn’t hurt for him to swing by the place and check it out. There would be no harm in taking a peek, he supposed. If the place wasn’t right for him, then he’d just resume doing his homework for a while at the library before he dragged himself back home every evening. A quiet place was better than an unwelcome place, after all. But, for want of a truly safe space, he’d indulge Kendou’s suggestion at last. 

        Thus, here he was, following the steps on the map he’d pulled up on his phone. When the directions told him he’d arrived, he stopped in front of the establishment and looked up at it to double check the address. The street number was correct, 414, and the sign above the door welcomed him with a friendly, fun font that announced the correct name according to Kendou’s ad. 

        “Kitties’ Closet Café,” Shinsou murmured. 

        He had to wonder if the name was some kind of playful reference to the safe space promised inside. As warm and welcoming as the exterior was, Shinsou knew better than to make a judgement on the place’s quality based on the way the outside looked. He drew in a deep breath to calm himself. This was a risk he had told himself to take to be kind to Kendou first and foremost. Even if he got nothing out of this visit, he would be able to tell her he’d tried and had found no luck. That was still the better option than just avoiding it for days and saying nothing. He was less likely to hurt her feelings if he admitted that he’d taken her up on her suggestion. 

        Pushing himself forward, he opened the doors to the café and stepped inside. The overall atmosphere was instantly warm. As the door had suggested, this place was a kind one, filled with smiles, laughter, and several patrons playing with a rainbow of cats. He watched as people drank their coffees and nibbled on snacks. This, too, he supposed, could be deceiving. There was no guarantee that the people around him were also LGBTQ. In fact, nothing stated that this area was exclusive to this group, so it was possible that there were patrons who weren’t members of the community at all. Shinsou shoved the address back into his pocket and nervously gripped the strap of his messenger bag. 

        “Welcome to Kitties’ Closet Café!” a cheery woman’s voice said. 

        He jumped a little startled, and turned to face a worker. She was dressed in an adorable cat-themed apron and wore a baseball cap that sported kitty ears. Her name tag said her name was Mandalay. Shinsou swallowed and nodded his head politely to her, unsure of what to say. 

        “Table for one?” she asked. 

        He nodded again.

        “Yes, please,” he said.

        She grinned at him and waved for him to follow her.

        “Right this way!” she said. “I do apologize that the table’s close to the barista’s kitchen access. We’re trying to work on single table placement to have it more even throughout the café.”

        Shinsou didn’t know exactly what to say to that. He didn’t care where the chairs and tables were placed. He just wanted to get a feel for this place and decide for himself if it felt like a safe enough environment to return to and do homework at. As she indicated which table was his, he slipped into the chair and hastily picked up a menu to look busy. She told him she’d return to take his order in a few minutes. He nodded and mumbled a thanks. 

        The items on the menu all had cat-themed names or designs. Pictures of latte art with cute, bubbly-looking foam cats, meringues shaped into cats, sandwiches cut out to be shaped like cats--you name it, it was there. The prices were also fairly reasonable for a teenager’s allowance. He had enough extra cash on him today to get a drink and a snack if he liked. As he thought over what he’d like to order, a calico came up to his leg and started to rub on him. He set the menu down and bent over to scratch her behind the ears. She began to purr loudly. A smile finally graced his face. This wasn’t so bad. 

        Mandalay returned and asked if he was ready or if he needed a few more minutes. He said he’d take the latte with the bubbly kitty art as well as a piece of cheesecake with paw prints drawn on it in flavored syrup. She said that his choices were a few of her favorites. Then, she placed a little chart on the table for him, explaining that it had the names of all of the kitties on it and their best personality traits. As she walked away, he looked for the calico’s name. It said she was Taiyaki, so named for her frequent theft of the snack. He chuckled and continued to scratch at her ears. 

        “So, you’re called Taiyaki, girl?” he said. “It’s a very cute name.”

        Spontaneous laughter caused him to lift up his head. A couple of girls had gotten onto the floor to play with a few of the kitties. Shinsou felt his cheeks burn red when he saw one girl lean over and steal a kiss from the other. His heart skipped a beat. Kendou hadn’t been lying at all. This café really was a safe space for LGBTQ kids. The more he looked around, the more the dots began to connect in his head. Members of the community were surrounding him. Pairs of boys and girls were couples. There were kids with various pride flag pins on their bags or their shirts. 

        “One Cloud Nyine Latte and one Purrfect Cheesecake slice!” 

        Shinsou’s attention was torn away from the other teenagers surrounding him for a moment. He watched Mandalay set down his order with a warm smile. He thanked her for the meal, and she hurried back to treat other guests. Shinsou stared down at the foam kitty smiling up at him in his coffee cup. He took a quick picture to save for later. If Kendou hadn’t seen this, she’d definitely love to have a glance at it. 

        He sank his fork into the cheesecake first while he let the latte cool down. He placed the piece of cheesecake on his tongue. It practically melted in his mouth. He’d selected raspberry syrup. It was the perfect balance of tart and sweet. The products here, at a first glance, were well done. He blew on the latte and took a sip. The foamy texture of the latte art bubbled on his tongue gently, and the smoothness of the coffee and milk mixture graced his tongue. This, too, was a perfect balance--not too sweet, not too bitter. He tended to prefer his coffee on the bitter side, and this latte achieved that. 

        “You’re new here, aren’t you, kid?”

        Shinsou looked up to see a man wearing an outfit strikingly similar to Mandalay’s. He must have been another employee. His long hair was pulled back into a rather messy-looking bun, and he looked as if he hadn’t slept in weeks. His face had a layer of unshaven scruff on his chin. Shinsou’s instincts told him that this sort of person shouldn’t likely be trusted, but the man did wear a name tag. Unling the other employee, though, he had a clear first and last name printed on the label: Aizawa Shouta. Shinsou just nodded his head, hoping that the man would leave him to his snack. Taiyaki hopped up into Shinsou’s lap and started to paw at the plate gently. 

        “I figured so,” Aizawa said. “I’m familiar with most of the regulars, and I can remember the faces of the less-frequent visitors. I’m Aizawa. I own and manage this place.”

        Shinsou did his best not to choke on his bite of cheesecake. The man didn’t look put together enough to manage a store, let alone own one. He had to remind himself of what he’d thought when he saw the outside of the store. Looks could be deceiving. Shinsou swallowed his bite and bowed his head politely. 

        “N-nice to meet you,” he stammered. 

        Aizawa’s otherwise expressionless face changed for a moment, his lips turning upwards just slightly enough to make a smile but not enough to be noticeable by anyone at a distance of more than three meters. Shinsou offered a forced smile back.

        “How do you find the place?” Aizawa asked. 

        Frowning, Shinsou glanced around the room. After everything he’d seen here, what did he think? He’d felt the friendliness in the staff at the people around him. He’d seen the safe atmosphere as gay and lesbian couples flirted and enjoyed their time without judgement. He’d tasted the vibrant, delicious flavors of the food. He’d stroked the soft fur of a calico who had chosen him out of an entire room of patrons. All of these individual things added up to be one glaringly obvious positive review. So, why did he still feel doubt in his chest?

        “Is this really a safe space?” Shinsou mumbled. 

        Aizawa chuckled dryly. 

        “I try my best to make it one,” he said. “The world is harsh and judgemental towards people like us. No matter what we do or don’t do, there’s always going to be someone that dislikes me for being a gay man. I wanted people to step away from that and have a breath in here. I’m not afraid to run out the hateful people to protect my regulars. Kids shouldn’t have to be ashamed of who they are.”

        A lightness filled Shinsou’s chest. It was as if he were meeting someone kind for the first time. He knew that Kendou felt this way. That was why she’d pointed him in the direction of this café. He found himself smiling as he picked up his latte and took a sip. 

        “It’s a very good place,” he said, in a whisper he hoped only Aizawa could hear.

        The older man nodded his head and set down a paw print-shaped piece of paper. 

        “If you put down your name here, I can put you in as a regular member and discount your prices,” he said. “Just know that once you’re a member, this is your home, too.”

        Shinsou nodded. He pulled a pen out of his bag and started to write down his legal name. He stopped, shook his head, and wrote down his real name instead. As he finished writing the strokes for ‘Hitoshi,’ he handed the piece of paper back to Aizawa and thanked him for the snack. 

        “I’ll come back,” he said. 

        He gently set Taiyaki on the ground, feeling slightly sad having to leave her there, and he told her he’d come back tomorrow. As he stepped out of the door, he made sure to wave goodbye to Mandalay as he exited. When he stepped out onto the street again, he took one last glance at the place and felt himself getting excited for his next trip over here. 

        This truly is a safe space , he thought. 

Chapter Text

        When did a safe space become a comfortable space?

        This was the main question that Shinsou found himself asking each time he wandered into Kitties’ Closet Café. The café itself was certainly safe. He’d go there after school, set himself up at a table, order a snack, and work on his homework while he ate his daily treat and stroked Taiyaki’s back. She’d taken quite a liking to him, and that only added to the warmth he felt from being around like-minded people. For the most part, he’d satisfy his need to be near other LGBTQ teenagers by watching the others come and go in the café. It was enough for him to simply exist in this space with the others. 

        Today was no different. He slipped into a single booth, spread out his homework, and thanked Mandalay as she brought him soft cat-shaped pretzels with cheese dipping sauce and a glass of barley tea. He pulled off a piece of pretzel, dipped it into the cheese, and bit into it. As usual, the food here was nothing short of excellent. The cheese flavor was nice and sharp, and the pretzel was so soft that he knew it was freshly baked. The breading was buttery with a light bit of salt sprinkled on it. Humming, he dipped the piece again and popped the rest of it into his mouth. 

        Taiyaki ambled over to him, meowing up at him. He sat back to allow her to hop up into his lap. She curled up and pressed her weight up against his belly. Shinsou wasn’t sure why she’d picked him as a favorite, but he was always grateful to the calico for being his companion. He stroked her back with one hand while he read his homework out of the textbook. This was far more comfier than reading alone in the library, where snacks were forbidden and cats were nowhere to be found. 

        The café was quiet for about ten minutes, and then a group entered with more energy than Shinsou thought a person could hold. The teenagers in the group wore a different uniform than he did, but he recognized the logo as a local school for particularly bright students. There was a boy with vibrant green hair that stuck up in every direction, and he was hand-in-hand with a boy whose hair was split color down the middle into a white and a red. Behind them, a boy with shorter hair and glasses was on their heels. He was being followed by a smiling girl with brown hair that hung down to about her chin, and she was laughing happily. Mandalay greeted them by name and waved them over to a group seating.

        “Curious about some other regulars at last?” Aizawa said, popping out of the kitchen all too conveniently. 

        Shinsou frowned and shrugged.

        “I just like to watch people,” he said. “It reminds me that this is a safe space. They’re two boys holding hands. It’s something you don’t get to really see elsewhere.”

        Aizawa chuckled. 

        “You’ll see it elsewhere if you’re looking hard enough, but don’t be a creep, okay?” he teased. 

        Rolling his eyes, Shinsou finished up the last of his pretzels and chewed slowly as he turned his attention back to his reading. Truthfully, he was finished, but he didn’t want to call too much attention to himself here in the corner. He was content to sit right where he was without any further interruption. He considered reading over the next chapter to get ahead. It was worth it if it meant no one else would sweep in to pester him. To his dismay, however, Aizawa didn’t appear to be ignoring him.

        “Would you like to go and say hi?” he asked. “I promise they’re not as overwhelming as they first seem. They’re all good kids.”

        Shinsou glanced over at the group. The girl had gotten down on the floor and was playing with a grey kitty whose name was Ash. Beside her, sitting down at the table, were the two boys who had been holding hands. The boy with the split hair colors had his arm around the green-haired boy’s shoulders, and he was smiling at him as the green-haired boy excitedly talked to the one in glasses, who was presently the only member left standing. They were lively and clearly knew one another well. He didn't want to intrude on that closeness.

        Aizawa leaned over the back of the booth and grinned down at him. Shinsou felt like he’d been put on the spot. If he consented to being introduced, then Aizawa would be rather pleased with himself at the expense of Shinsou’s discomfort. But in reality, Aizawa was only trying to answer the question Shinsou had been asking himself over and over again. Getting to know a few of the other regulars would turn a safe space into a comfortable one. In order to attain that comfort, he had to push through the discomfort. 

        “How about you take this cat toy over to Uraraka?” Aizawa said, handing Shinsou a teaser with a bit of feathery fluff at the end. “Ash really likes this toy, I’m surprised she lost track of it.”

        Drawing in a deep breath, Shinsou reached up and grasped the teaser. He hated to make Taiyaki move, but the older man was probably right. She stretched before getting out of his lap. When he was free, he stood up and stared down at her. She glanced up at him expectantly. He looked over at the lively group of teenagers and nodded once to himself. This would go better than he was expecting. He had Taiyaki here as emotional support, after all. She wouldn’t let him get too uncomfortable. He stepped over towards the other group, the calico hovering by his ankles. 

        “Um,” he said, trying to get their attention. 

        The four looked up at him. Swallowing, he held out the teaser to the girl on the floor. She blinked up at him, a little surprised at the gesture. 

        “Um, Aizawa said that she likes...this toy a lot…” he said. 

        He knelt down and waited for her to take it out of his hand. She reached over and grasped the teaser gently, pulling it out of his fingers. She waved it in front of Ash, who started to excitedly jump at the toy’s feathered end. The girl smiled and giggled as the younger kitty played. Shinsou smiled as well, relieved that that hadn’t been too awkward. Taiyaki rubbed up against his leg. He reached down and stroked her.

        “I’ve seen you around a few times!” the green-haired boy exclaimed. “You’re a new regular, aren’t you?”

        Shinsou smiled and nodded. The green-haired boy smiled so wide it looked like it might hurt a bit. 

        “My name’s Midoriya Izuku!” he said. “I’ve been coming here ever since my boyfriend asked me out. My mom’s pretty supportive, but he’s not out to his family just yet.”

        The bi-color haired boy nodded his head.

        “Todoroki Shouto,” he said. “Nice to meet you.”

        The tone difference between the two was like night and day. Midoriya was lively and energetic when he spoke, but Todoroki was laid back and calm. Perhaps this was what people meant when they said “opposites attract.” It wasn’t about gender at all. He smiled and nodded at the both of them. They were friendly enough. 

        “My name is Uraraka Ochako,” the girl said. “My girlfriend invited me to come back in August. She’s got things to do in the afternoon to take care of her brother, so she only comes on weekends. And thanks for the kitty toy, by the way! She really does love it!” 

        Midoriya leaned over and poked the boy with the glasses in the arm.

        “Iida, the new kid came to say hi!” he said.

        The boy turned around and jumped, clearly having been lost in thought. He was holding a menu in his hands. He’d likely been trying to decide on what to order and hadn’t noticed Shinsou approaching. He waved his right hand excitedly. 

        “Yes!” he said. “Hello! My name is Iida Tenya, and I’m the class president of class 1-A at the--”

        Uraraka cut him off to speak again.

        “So, what’s your name?” she asked. “Your purple hair is cool. I want to dye my hair, but my mom says no…”

        Shinsou awkwardly ran one hand through his hair. No one had ever complimented him on it before. 

        “Thanks,” he said, staring at a spot on the floor shyly. “I’m Shinsou…”

        He froze. Was it okay to say his name to them? He shook his head. Safe space. This was a safe space. 

        “Hitoshi!” he finished up. “My name is Shinsou Hitoshi.” 

        The four others smiled at him. They all chimed in to tell him that they were happy to meet him. He wasn’t sure if they could tell he was transgender or not, but their warming gazes almost made him not want to say anything. This acceptance was all he needed. Midoriya, however, seemed very enthusiastic. He pulled a bag of pins out of his backpack and hopped onto the floor beside Shinsou. 

        “So, I like to give everyone here pride badges!” he said. “I make them all myself, of course, like I’ve got bisexual badges for me and Shouto, and I gave Uraraka a lesbian one, and Iida has an ace one and a gay one! You can take as many as you need, of course! Unless you don’t feel comfortable, which is okay!”

        Shinsou felt his heart flutter in his chest. He’d have to hide such a thing if he went home, but if Todoroki’s family wasn’t very accepting, he likely did the same. Midoriya started to open up the bag, apparently too eager even if Shinsou ended up refusing. He lifted his gaze up from the bag and smiled at him expectantly. Uraraka laughed and patted his shoulder. 

        “Don’t be nervous,” she said. “We’re all open here. It’s the right place to be.”

        Biting his lip, he nodded. 

        “Well, I’m...I’m transgender...and ace...I don’t really know if I’m just gay or maybe bi or pan yet…”

        Midoriya’s face lit up even more. He started to fish for the correct badges in his bag.

        “That’s quite alright to not know yet!” Iida said, joining them on the floor. “Questioning is a normal and healthy part of life! It took me a while to know that I was asexual.”

        Uraraka laughed. 

        “Though I think you were born knowing you liked boys, Iida,” she said, giggling. 

        Iida’s cheeks turned a slight shade of pink as he turned his head. There were things Shinsou wanted to ask, since he’d only just come out as asexual to himself and to Kendou, but he felt like he needed to know Iida better first. Once he’d gotten to know the boy, then he could try and look up to him as an asexual mentor. He just smiled and chuckled along with the others as the boy blushed. 

        Midoriya reached out to him and set the badges for transgender and asexual in Shinsou’s hands. They were clearly handmade buttons, with hand-drawn pride flag patterns and the words “Trans Pride!” and “Ace Pride!” written on them in Midoriya’s energetic handwriting. Shinsou stared down at them in his hand and his chest started to ache. It was the good sort of ache, where one was holding back joy that threatened to spill over. He finally let it loose, and tears trickled down his cheeks. 

        “Thank you, Midoriya,” he said. “Thank you…thank you...”

        It was the only thing he could think to say in the moment. How could he describe to them the feeling of being immediately accepted and celebrated? They’d found acceptance and joy amongst themselves as peers. For Shinsou, this was his first experience with such kindness. All he could do was cry. Uraraka and Iida wrapped their arms around him, patting his back while he cried. He now knew when safe became comfortable.

        It was when those around you welcomed you openly, with no strings attached. 

Chapter Text

        Shinsou felt lighter as he walked through the door to his house that evening. Even with the sour glares felt from his parents, that feeling couldn’t be so easily washed away. He finished up his dinner, headed to his room, and blocked his parents off, keeping them from making any attempts to steal that warmth away from him. He set his bag down in his desk chair, and then he started to change into his pajamas. 

        What had truly confounded him the most was how readily the group had accepted him. There had been no entry requirement to become a member of their group, and their acceptance had felt quite instantaneous. They’d all shared their smiles with him, greeted him as if they’d known him for quite a long time, and included him in the group. After being greeted, he’d been included in the conversations as if he’d been there all along. This wasn’t a feeling he was used to at all, and at first, he admittedly had felt nervous to jump in. It didn’t take long for him to feel as though he belonged there, though, and his doubts started to slip away.

        He stepped over to his bag and removed the pride pins Midoriya had given him. He smiled down at their shiny surfaces. Even if they were just something cheap, the value they held was immeasurable. They were the acknowledgement of who Shinsou was, and they were at the same time a gift from a friend. More warmth flooded into his chest as he thought about calling Midoriya his friend. For so long, he’d only really spoken to Kendou. Now, he had five more friends to speak to. Silently, he thanked his new friend for the buttons and slipped them back into his bag and out of sight. 

        In his head, he started to go over what he’d learned about his new friends. He started with Midoriya. The boy was enthusiastic, something evident from his excitement about wanting to share buttons with everyone he met. He had a very supportive mother who knew that he was bisexual, and he’d even introduced Todoroki to her. He’d said that because he felt such love and support from his mother, he wanted to grow up to be someone who was something of a hero to kids who felt they didn’t have love and support. Shinsou couldn’t help but to chuckle when thinking about Midoriya’s use of the word “hero.” He supposed it wasn’t too far off; kids wanted a hero to come and save them from situations like his own. 

        Todoroki, on the other hand, was very quiet and reserved. While he didn’t say much about his family, Shinsou got the feeling it was very similar to his own. The suspicious scar over his left eye suggested a history of abuse, but he didn’t want to jump to conclusions. He, too, appeared to be bisexual, as he’d mentioned a former girlfriend who was now dating one of the other girls at school. Shinsou had thought in that moment that he’d run into a bisexual group of friends, but Todoroki had quickly explained one of Midoriya’s “bi jokes” to Uraraka, removing that notion from his brain as quickly as it had arrived. 

        Compared to Midoriya, Uraraka wasn’t the same kind of energetic person, but it was immediately obvious how the two had become friends. Their combined energies were a lot to take in, especially when they hit a topic the both were mutually excited about. She came from a very loving family as well, and they knew she had a girlfriend. They hadn’t formally met Asui yet, but there were plans in the future to get together for a meal and have a formal introduction. Uraraka’s big dream was to make enough money to pay her parents back for being supportive of her. She wanted to take care of them in their old age the way they’d done so much for her as a young child. 

        Her girlfriend, Asui, hadn’t been present, but Shinsou was delighted to learn that she, too, was transgender. Her family had supported her transition enough to help her medically transition, something Shinsou couldn’t help but feel a bit envious of. He kept that comment to himself, though, as he didn’t want to upset Uraraka. Asui had been the one to find Kitties’ Closet Café first, and it was because of her that the others had eventually started to become regulars, frequenting the place even more than she did. 

        Finally, there was Iida. He told Shinsou he was asexual, just like him, and that he was open to dating if he found the right person. He’d made Shinsou put in a bit more thought about whether or not he’d try dating some day. It was a strange thought, one that Iida had brought to the forefront of his mind. He told Shinsou that his parents were open-minded people, but he wasn’t sure if he wanted to come out to them just yet. He said they’d understand being gay or transgender, but he wasn’t sure what they would feel about someone being asexual. 

        The more Shinsou thought about the question, the more he thought about Iida. Something about his mannerisms felt comforting, even beyond those of the rest of the group. He could reach the volume of Midoriya and Uraraka, but there were times when he definitely seemed more reserved than them. He had both an over-awareness of things and a lack of awareness about others. Shinsou found a strange thought trailing through his mind as he reflected on this.

        “I want to protect you,” he mumbled. 

        He’d never felt this intense of an emotional draw to someone before. Even when he wanted to mentally go back over something else from that day, he kept feeling drawn back to Iida. He couldn’t explain it. Was it because he was the only single member of the group? Did he feel a special bond between two asexuals because of their common ground? He racked his brain for an answer. Nothing magically came to mind. The thoughts just seemed to have a mind of their own. He found himself chuckling and shaking his head. 

        “What’s the matter with me?” he wondered aloud.

        His mind wandered into a new trail of thought that made his heart start to race. He thought about Iida’s face, and how strong and masculine it looked. His eyes were kind and serious, the sort that would be fitting of someone he imagined as a class president. Framed by glasses, they took on a rather intelligent nature, even if the boy behind the frames wasn’t intelligent at all. Shinsou wondered what sort of student Iida was, and how he spoke to classmates at school. Was he vocal about his asexuality? Or was he quiet about it like Shinsou? He knew he wanted to see more of the boy; he wanted to know more about him and learn his mannerisms. 

        More than anything, though, he wanted to know if Iida could help him. If he was asexual, did he know more about how to know if Shinsou truly was asexual as well? This sort of question felt inappropriate, but he had that worry held in his heart. He wanted to know for sure that he was asexual and not something else. If Iida had identified this way for a while, he might be able to help Shinsou narrow down his search. He wrote down a note to remind himself to ask next time he saw Iida, and he slipped that into his messenger bag next to the pride buttons from Midoriya. 

        For now, he needed to rest. If he could get the stirring questions in his head to calm down, then he’d be able to wake up refreshed. He pulled back the sheets on his bed and crawled inside of them, pulling the sheets close to himself. He wrapped one arm around a plush grey cat that he’d kept from his childhood, a comfort item that would help him to ease his racing thoughts. 

        I hope that I’ll see Iida again tomorrow.

        He managed to smile as he clung to the cat plush. Tomorrow will be a great day. He had friends to look forward to seeing. With that one thought blocking out all of the other busy thoughts in his head, Shinsou slipped off into the first peaceful sleep he’d had in a long time. 

Chapter Text

        Iida wasn’t present at the café the next day. Shinsou did his best not to show any outward disappointment. When he’d asked, Uraraka had said that there was a big test coming up for their class. Iida was the most studious of the group, so he always spent more time than necessary on studying for tests and working on papers. She told him not to worry; Iida would return in a few days and he’d be more than happy to sit and chat with Shinsou about anything he wanted to discuss. 

        With that in mind, Shinsou tried his best to focus on the rest of the group in Iida’s absence. The goal wasn’t to just befriend Iida, after all; it was to try and befriend the entire group. So, Shinsou stuck around them, even though Iida wasn’t there. As he sat down the first day, Taiyaki ambled over to the group and meowed, waving a paw up at Shinsou expectantly. He smiled and scooped her up into his lap.

        “She really likes you, doesn’t she, Shinsou?” Midoriya said, as full of energy as he had been the day before. “Mr. Aizawa said she was really shy!”

        Shinsou hummed and stroked her back. The calico started to purr as she sank into his lap. From what he could recall, she’d taken to him almost immediately. There had been no hesitation in her approaching him. Perhaps she’d seen something in him. He smiled as he gave Midoriya an answer. 

        “I’m not sure why she warmed up to me,” he said. “Though I suspect that she noticed me alone and decided to befriend me. She knew I needed baby steps coming here. I didn’t originally come thinking I could make friends. I just wanted a quiet place to study.”

        Uraraka grinned and giggled. 

        “And now look at you!” she exclaimed. “You’re an official member of our squad!”

        Shinsou looked up from stroking Taiyaki, surprised by her words.

        “Official?” he repeated. 

        She nodded excitedly, as if this information should have been obvious enough to understand. Shinsou, on the other hand, wasn’t sure what he was officially joining. She made it sound as if he’d been inducted into their membership. It felt like a fairly prestigious group, one born of long-lasting friendships and loyalties. He didn’t feel like he quite belonged to this group just yet. He did hope, however, that he’d become a trustworthy member in no time, one they could rely on and who could truly earn the title of “official member.”

        “When we make a new friend, we like to say that they’re a new member of the team or squad or something,” Asui said. “Also, it’s nice to meet you, Hitoshi-chan. I’m sorry I was busy yesterday.”

        Shinsou waved his hands, admittedly a bit overwhelmed by the use of his first name so casually. 

        “No, no, it’s fine,” he said. “And, I suppose, thank you. Thank you for becoming friends with me, Asui.” 

        She smiled back at him with a cheerful expression.

        “Please, call me Tsu-chan,” she said. 

        The group around him just smiled warmly, as thrilled as ever to have him present. As they snacked on their treats and played with the kitties, topics ranged from homework to club activities to home life. Some shared more than others, and Shinsou found himself only jumping in a few times when Uraraka or Asui asked him a direct question to keep him involved in the conversation as it sped along. He was content just to be included. At the end of the day, he still felt that new sensation of warmth in his chest as he left.

        To his delight, Iida returned after the test had been taken, as filled with energy as ever. Shinsou was eager to sit down and converse with him more. When he took his place at the table, his eagerness must have been so blatant that Todoroki, of all people, broke the awkwardness to point it out.

        “Shinsou’s been waiting to have a one-on-one chat with you, I think,” he said, nodding in the purple haired boy’s direction. “He’s asked when you were coming back every day now, I think.”

        Iida smiled over at Shinsou and nodded his head.

        “I do apologize greatly for my absence!” he exclaimed. “I’ve been busy studying for a recent exam! Ask whatever you like!”

        His enthusiasm placed Shinsou somewhere between comfortable to ask and even more nervous than before. He played with the strap of his messenger bag for a moment until he finally mustered up the courage to ask the question pressing on his heart. 

        “I said the other day that I’m ace,” he said, “but I wanted to know how I could really know that. So, I wanted to ask you how you knew that you were ace.”

        Iida seemed a bit taken aback by the question for a moment, but he quickly shook his head and pointed a hand in Shinsou’s direction.

        “How is it that you know you’re someone who likes cats?” he asked.

        Shinsou straightened up.

        “Well...I mean...I look at them, and I feel happy,” he said.

        Iida nodded, very matter-of-factly. 

        “Then you understand how I know I’m ace,” he said. 

        Frowning, Shinsou shook his head.

        “No, liking cats is a personality trait,” he said. “My sexuality is a definitive fact about me, isn’t it? It’s not the same as knowing I like cats.”

        Across the table, Uraraka started to giggle at their exchange. Iida gave her a pointed look, and she resumed talking to Midoriya. He turned to face Shinsou completely and leaned one elbow on the table. Shinsou felt bad for retorting the way he had, but the answer just couldn’t be that simple. It had taken him far too long to get to this point of “maybe” for it to be simple and plain. 

        “Look, when we like something or have something that’s a clear part of our personality, if it’s truly a part of our personality, it’s something pretty automatic,” Iida said. “You didn’t wake up one day and magically decide that you’re going to like cats. You woke up, saw a cat, and knew you liked it. Sometimes, these things take years. You don’t know you like big college reads from the literature section until you’re old enough to read them and understand them, but once you can, you read them and know without question whether you liked it or not.”

        Shinsou straightened up a little bit.

        “So, you mean to say that...if I know, even after all of this time, I know?” he said.

        Smiling, Iida nodded his head energetically.

        “That’s correct!” he said. “If you say, ‘I’m asexual’ and you just know it’s true, what other reason do you need? It’s a part of who you naturally are, even if you’re learning that later in life than someone else. You have to see a cat to know you like a cat.”

        Shinsou smiled and looked down at Taiyaki, who had curled up beside him. He stroked her back.

        “You have to see a cat to know you like a cat,” he repeated, almost in a whisper. 

        Iida’s words were wiser than he could have imagined. He’d been so caught up in being the right kind of asexual and fitting the definition to a T. The way Iida put it, though, this wasn’t how it worked. He didn’t need to fit the perfect dictionary definition of an asexual. The other boy continued on with his speech.

        “And you know, Shinsou,” he said, “people change. Some day, you may decide you don’t like cats. That’s quite all right. If today you feel like you know you’re ace, and then later you know you’re allosexual, that’s perfectly okay. As my brother had to explain to me, things like gender and sexuality are as fluid as the rest of us. They change over time, just like interests, habits, careers, and even looks do. I was very dead-set on it being one answer, too. But the sooner we learn that it’s not one eternal answer to a very hard question, the happier we’ll be in accepting that this is who we are.”

        Shinsou found himself nodding in agreement. Everything he was saying made sense. 

        “Thank you,” he said.

        Iida tilted his head. 

        “What for?” he asked. “All I did was answer your questions.”

        Shinsou chuckled and shook his head.

        “No, you’ve helped me clear up my thinking,” he said. “I’ve felt confused and unsure about all of this, but when you put it so clearly, I feel like the confusion just disappeared in my mind.”

        Iida, apparently flustered by the compliment, straightened up, shoved his glasses a bit further up his nose, and then fixed his eyes on the ceiling.

        “Th-that’s what friends are for, after all!” he exclaimed. 

        Shinsou couldn’t help but laugh. Iida had seemed so cool and relaxed a moment before, but the moment he’d been complimented, he was as awkward as ever. Even more flustered as he listened to Shinsou laugh, Iida did his best to loosen up and proceed with the conversation normally after that. He switched into talking about the different identities that fell under what he called the “ace umbrella,” and how he could always help Shinsou find resources if he liked. Throughout it all, a single thought continued to occupy Shinsou’s mind.

        He’s kind of cute when he’s nervous . 

Chapter Text

        The ace umbrella, Shinsou quickly learned, was a hell of a lot bigger than he’d originally thought it would be. There were so many different ways to define asexuality, and even then, there were some identities that fell somewhere between asexual and allosexual, some form of grey-sexuality. Staring at it all felt overwhelming, to say the least, and Shinsou felt even more lost than before when it came to finding the right identity to fit him. There was no easy way to just pick a label and stick to it. 

        A lot of these definitions left him curious as to what he understood sexual attraction to be. Perhaps that was something that was a bit inappropriate for him to think of at his age; after all, his parents would probably kill him if they ever discovered that he’d been engaging in anything remotely sexual. He wasn’t sure where the line should be drawn and when that line got drawn or by whom. He wanted answers, but he also wanted to be careful. The best he could do was read up on things to determine whether or not they matched with how he felt. 

        So, that’s what he did. He spent his free time gleaned over books and pamphlets about asexuality and the many forms it took. He compared definitions and made lists for himself about the different ways he felt, trying to match them up with the perfect fit. He would find himself often with leftovers from lunch due to his over-focused attention on the activity. He’d have to finish up eating quietly from behind a book they were reading for class, if he was lucky enough to get away with such. After a few days of being caught up in this, he saw a pencil tap the top of the book he was reading during lunch. He looked up and saw Kendou smiling at him. 

        “Whatcha reading about?” she asked.

        Her smile looked so innocent, but Shinsou felt immediately embarrassed and tried to cover the book with his arms. She laughed and pulled his arms aside gently. She looked down at what he was reading about and frowned. It was the sort of frown that accompanied confusion. 

        “There’s a lot of words here I don’t quite understand,” she said. “Could you explain it in a sentence or two?”

        Shinsou sighed and leaned back in his chair.

        “It’s just a book explaining the different ways in which people can be asexual,” he said. “Is that simple enough or is it too simple?”

        Kendou shook her head.

        “No, that works as a good summary,” she said. “Any particular reason you’re trying to become well-versed in the many names in the book? Trying to narrow things down?” 

        As usual, Kendou hit the nail on the head. Sometimes, Shinsou wondered why she bothered to ask questions at all. She always had the perfect instincts to know when something was wrong or what might be going through his head. Perhaps that’s how she dealt so easily with Monoma’s wild side. She could figure people out. Still, she was the only friend here at school that Shinsou knew of who was openly friendly to LGBTQ students. After all, hadn’t she declared herself bisexual to him a while back.

        “If you had possible sub-varieties of bisexuality, would you want to narrow it down?” he asked her. 

        She just laughed. 

        “Well, I suppose I might,” she said. “Sometimes there are days when I wish I could just say I’m bisexual and people would just accept that it could mean varying degrees of a sexuality that’s attracted to two or more genders but not all, and there are other days when I’d prefer a label that clearly marks me as someone who is attracted to three genders specifically. But honestly, the label itself isn’t what matters, Shinsou. I know who I am and who I’m attracted to. For dating sites, it’s easy to just say ‘I’m bisexual’ because it helps me narrow down people in a very specific area, for example. But just to be your friend, you don’t need to know that I’m attracted to men, women, and agender people. That doesn’t need to matter to you.”

        Shinsou stared down at the book. She was right. Trying to pinpoint a label was driving him insane. The proof he should have gleaned from the book was that there was no one exactly clear-cut way to be asexual. There were so many different ways for someone to be asexual, and that meant that he could feel comfortable using that label for himself. He allowed himself a small smile and relaxed a bit.

        “Did something click for you?” Kendou asked.

        He nodded. 

        “I think I’ve just been so desperate to fit the mold,” he said. “I keep trying to be someone whose sexuality fits the dictionary definition, when the answer was that there is no one single way to be your sexuality. It’s just as individual as the rest of us is.”

        Kendou grinned and nodded. 

        “Yep!” she said. “Man, if everyone understood that, I don’t think high school would have been such a pain.”

        Shinsou shook his head at her.

        “You’re still in high school, you know,” he said. 

        She just giggled and gave him a shrug. 

        “You know what I mean, though!” she said. “People are so quick to separate into the groups they feel most comfortable in, but in reality, some people want to enjoy the art club and the archery club just the same. Wasn’t there an American movie about this sort of thing?”

        Shrugging, Shinsou closed the book in his hands and grabbed his lunch. He’d been ignoring that for far too long. With his mind finally relieved of the heaviness clouding it about narrowing down an identity, he focused his mind on other things. But as he sat there, he realized that his hyperfocus on finding an identity label that perfectly fit him had just been a means to distract his mind from the true thing that was occupying his mind. 

        Iida Tenya. 

Chapter Text

        If there was one final question in Shinsou’s mind, it was this: if he was asexual, then how exactly did a crush work? All of his life, he’d been led to believe that a crush was a biological thing. Humans were attracted to one another because of sexual urges, which was some sort of evolutionary need humans have. He’d been told that at some point in his life, he’d start to feel these urges towards other humans that he found attractive. It was framed as a crucial and ever-important instinct that had the main goal of encouraging human reproduction and survivability as a species. 

        Of course, with the realization that men could like men and women could like women, his world had started to change bit by bit as he got older. This instinct, as his parents called it, seemed less and less based in science. If it was all about the need to reproduce, then two people with the same sexual organs shouldn’t feel attraction to one another. That completely left out the obvious evidence of people with these similar features who felt sexual attraction to one another. Now, he had this added bonus counter evidence of asexuality--people who didn’t experience sexual attraction at all. 

        So, then, if he didn’t feel that sexual urge, then why was he so drawn to Iida? He felt a draw to the boy that was unlike how he felt towards the others in their group at Kitties’ Closet Café. There was a qualitative difference to the draw he felt towards Iida versus the more friendly draw he felt towards Midoriya or Uraraka. It even felt different than his long-standing friendship with Kendou. He felt it even now when he stepped up to the entrance, opened the door, and stepped inside to see Iida smiling and waving over at him. His heart sped up and his cheeks felt like they were burning. He smiled and joined the group.

        “Hey, Shinsou!” Midoriya cried. “How is looking at all of those ace resources going?”

        Shinsou stifled a laugh. 

        “Truthfully, a bit overwhelming,” he said. “But a good friend of mine said that there was no perfect formula for being an ace, so if I felt like I hit more than one category, that was okay.”

        Uraraka pressed her hands together and smiled.

        “Ahhh, that sounds like such a nice friend!” she said. “I’m glad that you have someone in your life who can be there for you when you’re trying to figure yourself out.”

        He nodded. Aizawa stepped over to the table and asked the group for their orders. Today, Shinsou went with a latte with cat-shaped foam art and a cat-shaped fruit tart. Iida ordered an ice cream dish that featured cones as cat ears. Todoroki opted for some tuna sandwiches that were shaped into cats. Midoriya wanted the cat-shaped cookies. Uraraka and Asui agreed to share a milkshake. Aizawa jotted those things down and hurried back to the kitchen. Taiyaki ambled over and leapt up to sit in Shinsou’s lap.

        “Aaah, I wish a kitty would pick me!” Uraraka said. 

        The group just laughed. A waitress stopped by and handed out the drink orders. Shinsou smiled down at the little foam cat smiling up at him from his cup. He snapped a picture and then gently blew on the drink to take a sip. He glanced across the table and watched Iida sip at a tea he’d ordered to go with his ice cream. His hair fell down in the middle of his eyes, dangling just above his glasses. Shinsou felt the urge to reach over and brush it away, but he realized that might be a bit forward. Iida glanced up and saw him looking over at him. Shinsou felt heat rise in his cheeks, and he tried not to explode as Iida smiled at him.

        “Is your latte nice?” he asked. “I’ve opted for some oolong tea. I’ve found that it pairs well with the ice cream.”

        Shinsou cleared his throat.

        “Y-yeah,” he stammered. “It’s perfect, as always.”

        A waitress came back around with the group’s snacks. Shinsou took another picture of the fruit tart before he started eating it. He looked at Iida’s ice cream. The cat-themed presentation was adorable. Perhaps next time he’d order the ice cream. He bit into the scoop of tart and felt the different flavors start to dance on his tongue. This was yet another fine selection from Kitties’ Closet Café. Another day, another visit, another satisfied customer. Shinsou looked back across the table at Iida. He had to return the polite gestures in order to keep the conversation going between them.

        “And how is your ice cream?” he asked.

        Iida smiled.

        “It’s excellent!” he exclaimed. “I order the ice cream quite frequently, as it has a rich flavor and is always presented well!” 

        Shinsou smiled back at him and nodded. 

        “Everything here seems so well-made,” he said. “The drinks, the food, the decorations...the guests…”

        Iida blinked up from his ice cream. Shinsou choked when he realized what he’d said. 

        “I mean, obviously you aren’t made, you’re just very nice to be around,” he said. 

        Embarrassment filled his chest. He had to change the subject. This wasn’t going to make the situation any better if he kept at this train of thought. 

        “Sorry,” he said. “I was wondering, Iida, if maybe you had an answer to another question. I’m sorry I keep asking them, I just…”

        Iida shook his head. 

        “It’s okay!” he said. “I don’t mind at all! You’re newer to this stuff, so we’re all here to help you out!” 

        Shinsou looked around the table and saw everyone nodding at him. What had he done to deserve such a great group of friends? He found himself smiling at them. He set down his fork and met Iida’s gaze.

        “Is it possible for aces to get crushes?”

        Somehow, the question made Iida turn a very deep shade of red. Shinsou wondered what he’d said that would elicit such a response from him. He turned to look at the others. Midoriya and Uraraka were giggling behind their hands. Todoroki just shook his head, smiling. Asui reached over and placed her hand on top of Shinsou’s.

        “I didn’t mean to upset him,” he said.

        She smiled at him.

        “It’s very obvious you already know the answer to that, Shinsou,” she said, nodding between him and Iida. “And now, it’s quite obvious he understands that as well.”

        Shinsou blinked.

        “What...what do you mean?” he asked. 

        Uraraka removed her hands from her mouth.

        “You two idiots have a crush on each other!” she squealed. “It’s so obvious!”

        Surprised, and admittedly a bit flustered, Shinsou turned back to Iida, who was averting his eyes awkwardly. He hadn’t expected to discover that his feelings were reciprocated. The information was out on the table for everyone to hear. The big question now was: what was Shinsou’s next move going to be?

Chapter Text

        Shinsou thought he understood the meaning of “awkwardness.” Now that he and Iida had (with the express help of Uraraka) both admitted to having a crush on the other, he knew that he hadn’t understood the term properly before now. It was far more unpleasant than he thought feeling awkward would be, as every time he saw Iida or made eye contact with him, even in a group, he immediately lost his ability to speak, broke eye contact to look at some spot on the floor, or did something embarrassing, like trip, drop his food, or miss his mouth entirely with the spoon in his ice cream. Iida appeared to have the same problem—and he only knew this because whenever one or the other did something awkward, the rest of the group would start giggling as if it were the funniest thing in the world. 

        The only safe spaces away from the awkward feelings were the spaces where he wasn’t safe to be himself. Shinsou felt as though he’d backed himself into a corner by asking about asexual crushes, and now, he was trapped in a vicious circle of discomfort wherever he went. Even his locked bedroom saw the return of awkwardness, as he’d try to sleep, think of Iida, flustered, blushing, and surprised by the notion of a crush, and then he’d find himself panicking in a similar fashion quietly into his pillow. There was no escaping the reality he’d created through his accidental admission. This was simply how things were now.

        At school, it was obvious that Kendou knew something was up. She’d gently poke and prod him with her words, trying to determine the source of his newfound bout of awkwardness. He was determined to never give up an answer, though he assumed she already knew the answer. Not once had he ever mentioned his thoughts about Iida to her, but she was far too perceptive for him to hide it from her. He didn’t need to say anything for her to make an educated guess about his feelings. Still, he dodged the conversation anytime she tried to start it, too afraid to put his thoughts into words out in an open, unsafe environment like the school. It just didn’t sit right with him. 

        How long could he go on like this? He wasn’t sure. The awkwardness was starting to turn into frustration. So many people acted on their feelings without even knowing the other person’s answer? Why was he left behind, unable to take the next step? He found himself starting to write out ways to broach the topic with Iida, from offering to take him on a date to asking if he wanted to do anything about the feelings that were so obviously reciprocated at this point. The words never seemed right. He hadn’t had the practice other kids had had. While the straight kids had been messing around and casually dating one another ever since they were old enough, he’d been trapped in a world of confusion trying to sort out his gender and sexuality. It made him feel as though he’d been left behind by his own age group and was now forced to play catch-up just to be on the same playing field as his peers. 

        Paper piled up in his wastebasket, spilling over onto the floor. No matter how he worded it, it always sounded wrong. Perhaps the point of all of this was to prove that nothing would sound right when scripted, but Shinsou thought that his nerves would ruin anything he tried to say on the spot from his heart. It felt like a cruel loop of determination to act on his feelings, diligence at trying to find a solution, and defeat as he crumpled up what he’d written in black ink and tossed it over at the wastebasket, missing the opening. The more paper that spilled onto the floor, the more hopeless it seemed. He just wasn’t ready to act on his feelings, it seemed. No amount of trying was going to convince him he was ready for the next step. 

        Time plodded onwards, inconsiderate of Shinsou’s need to hurry and act on his feelings. As awkward days turned into awkward weeks, he knew that just fumbling around blindly wasn’t going to help anything. He needed guidance, and he needed it from someone who wouldn’t look down their nose at him or spout useless encouragement at him. One afternoon, as he entered the cat café, his eyes rested on Aizawa at the counter. He knew exactly what he had to do. He greeted the man with a wave, and then he took his seat across from Iida as usual. Iida mumbled a hello, blushing and staring down at the table.

        “Do you suppose that Mr. Aizawa might be able to help us out?” Shinsou asked, keeping his eyes focused out of the window beside them.

        Iida hummed.

        “Help us with what, exactly?” he asked. “Make further fools out of ourselves?”

        Shinsou shook his head. 

        “I’ve been trying to think of what to do for weeks now,” he admitted. “I just don’t even know what the next step is, much less how to take it.”

        He chanced a glance over at Iida. While the boy wasn’t looking at him, he was nodding in agreement. 

        “Mr. Aizawa does have a husband,” Iida said quietly. 

        His voice suddenly raised, and Iida jumped into a standing position enthusiastically, to everyone’s surprise.

        “He had to have taken the next step with him at some point!”

        Uraraka choked on her drink trying not to laugh. Shinsou supposed Iida didn’t realize the innuendo there. Asui patted her back to help her not suffocate from inhaling her soda. Todoroki covered his mouth and frowned, clearly just as clueless as Iida as to why Uraraka had reacted the way she did. Midoriya practically wilted. Shinsou sighed and stood up, walking over to where Iida was standing. He nodded for him to follow him over to the bar area where Aizawa was cleaning the soda glasses. As Shinsou sat down on a stool, Taiyaki hopped up on the counter next to him and rolled on her side, meowing at him for attention. He smiled and started to stroke her back.

        “Is there a reason you boys are over here instead of with your friends?” Aizawa asked. 

        Shinsou and Iida looked at one another and nodded. 

        “We were wondering if you could offer us your advice,” Shinsou said. “You see...I have a crush on Iida…”

        The other boy started blushing.

        “And...and I have feelings for Shinsou!” he exclaimed. 

        Aizawa chuckled and shook his head. 

        “That’s been fairly obvious for a while now,” he said. “So, you both like each other. What do you need my advice for when you already have one another’s answer?”

        Iida frowned and put on his most serious expression.

        “We are not sure how best to proceed,” he said. “Navigating these emotions has been difficult for us both, and we would like advice on what the next step should look like.”

        The man started to laugh even more. 

        “Try not to think of things so much in steps,” he said. “People on TV go on about going to the next step or taking things to the next level, but relationships aren’t so cut and dry that they require a specific set of steps. You do things at your own pace. If you want to go on a date, do that. If you want to hold hands, do that. If you want to kiss, do that—but preferably not in my cafe, this is a public area.”

        The thought of kissing made Shinsou’s cheeks burn with fire. He didn’t want to think of something that intimate just yet. Still, Aizawa’s words were refreshing. Being new to love, Shinsou felt intimidated by the concept of taking steps, and hearing this man say that it wasn’t about defined steps, he felt more relaxed. He smiled over at Iida and gave him another one of those signature awkward smiles. 

        “How would you feel about trying a date?” he asked. 

        Iida’s cheeks turned a pink color as well. 

        “I-I think that would be splendid!” he stammered. 

        The words that Shinsou had been trying to find for weeks had fallen from his mouth so effortlessly. It wasn’t the right moment that had been needed, but rather the reassurance that there was no wrong way to go about this. A new confidence had started to bud in his soul. He may not have known all of the answers, and he may not have known what he was doing, but he did know one thing at last:

        He could take being an ace with a crush at whatever pace he liked. 

Chapter Text

        Friday after school, Shinsou went home before going to the cat café. He switched out of his school uniform and into something more dressy. His mom asked where he was going dressed all nice, and he said that there was a boy he was interested in and he was meeting him at a café for a date. She seemed delighted to hear that he was going out with someone, which made him feel a bit better even if she still didn’t register that it was, in fact, a date between two men. It gave him hope that she’d eventually be more accepting of him as time went on. He fixed up his hair, did a quick check for any stray lint with a roller, and then he headed back to the cat café, looking nicer for a trip to a cat-filled building than he ever had. 

        When he arrived, he met Iida by the door and found himself blushing. Iida was dressed in a nice button-up shirt and fine dress khakis. He had a little bow tie at his collar, making him look so handsome that Shinsou found himself repeating in his head that he was a very lucky guy. Iida blushed at him and bowed, acting very flustered. Shinsou chuckled. 

        “G-good evening Shinsou!” Iida exclaimed.

        Shinsou smiled at his date and nodded. 

        “Good afternoon,” he said. “Are you ready to try this?”

        Iida nodded his head eagerly, apparently filled to the brim with nervous energy. The two entered the space and when Aizawa greeted them at the door, they stated that they had a reservation for a private room with Taiyaki and Iida’s favorite cat, Miruku, who was white all over except for the pink of her little nose. Aizawa led them in the back to the private booth and unlocked it to let them in. He slipped off and returned moments later with Taiyaki and Miruku in tow, plopping them down on the cushioned booth seat. Taiyaki stretched out and then headed over to Shinsou to deposit some of her fur onto his pants. Shinsou awkwardly laughed and the two sat down, thanking Aizawa. Mandalay came by to take their orders, and they agreed to get two dishes they both liked so they could split them. 

        After Mandalay dashed off to fill their orders, the two boys sat in silence for a moment, both blushing when they made eye contact. Taiyaki crawled into Shinsou’s lap and started to purr. He felt himself starting to calm down. She was here offering her support, in the only way that a cat could. Miruku hopped down at Iida’s feet and started to play with the end of his pants’ leg. Shinsou couldn’t help but chuckle at the cat’s behaviour. That couldn’t have been helping Iida calm down. 

        “She really is playful, isn’t she?” Shinsou said, trying not to laugh at his date’s expense. 

        Iida nodded.

        “Miruku hardly needs any toys,” he said. “It’s as though the world itself is a giant toy for her. She is happy no matter what.”

        Shinsou smiled. 

        “Sometimes, I used to wish the world felt that big for me,” he said. “Honestly, I’ve felt that the world was really small because there was only this one place where I could truly feel safe and comfortable as myself. It was a small world and the big world outside of it wasn’t welcome.”

        Frowning, Iida nodded. 

        “I understand what you mean,” he said. 

        Shaking his head, Shinsou let out a chuckle. 

        “But you make that world feel so much bigger, Iida,” he said. 

        The other boy’s cheeks started to turn from pink to red. 

        “That small space where I could only feel myself within the walls of this café expanded as soon as I met you,” he continued. “Coming by myself to escape still felt cramped and restrictive. Meeting you, though? Everywhere I go, that safe feeling goes with me. It no longer seems to matter what the world makes of me, my gender, or my sexuality. As long as I have you, I can feel happy anywhere I go.”

        Iida shyly scrunched up his shoulders and stared down at Miruku by his feet. He was usually so loud and energetic that it was funny to see him acting so nervously. Shinsou found it cute. Shinsou reached out his shoe and touched it against Iida’s, being careful not to get Miruku as he did so. 

        “Whatever happens from here, I know I want to continue to feel that safety,” he said. 

        Iida lifted his head and finally perked back up to his usual confidence. 

        “I’ll do anything I can to ensure that you feel safe, Shinsou!” he exclaimed. “Though...can I...may I call you Hitoshi?”

        Shinsou felt his cheeks starting to burn. It was only fair, he supposed, that Iida found a way to return the embarrassment. 

        “Y-yeah,” Shinsou stammered. “You can call me Hitoshi. Can I call you Tenya?”

        Iida nodded energetically. 

        “Yes! Yes, of...of course!” he exclaimed. 

        Smiling, Shinsou reached his hand across the table and left his palm open. Iida slowly slipped his hand into it. The two gently squeezed one another’s fingers. It was the first time Shinsou had ever held someone’s hand like this. Warmth spread through his chest. He was confused about many things when he’d come into Kitties’ Closet Café, but the one thing he was absolutely certain of now was that he really liked Iida Tenya. 

        And it was okay for him to only be certain of that for now.