Chapter Text
After the decidedly impromptu menage a trois that was fueled mainly by an overwhelming surge of feelings and emotions, Audrey broke it off with Aki. At first, he grieved, not for the loss of his relationship, because he had known it was over long ago, but for the simple fact that he lost the connection with Audrey that he genuinely longed for at one point. This grief was less of an eating a bunch of ice cream, crying over old polaroids, and blocking them on Insta grief but more of a stare at the ceiling, ignoring your phone and thinking about your life type of grief. During his unmistakably short and melodramatic affliction, he came to a conclusion that was long-awaited and obvious to those paying even the slightest of attention. The conclusion being feelings. He had feelings. He probably had them for a while but was too distracted by this relationship with Audrey to see the truth.
During the fourth day of his after-school grief sessions in his lonely apartment, a pair of bright eyes and the equally remarkable jaw came into the forefront of his thoughts. Alongside the warmth in his gut that first appeared during the unforgettable moment in his closet during their all-too-sensual mutual clothes shedding not too long ago.
Max Wolfe has always been memorable. Everyone at Constance Billard drooled at even the slightest bit of attention Max is willing to give. Because that is the thing, pining after Max is futile because he is the puppet master in any given romantic encounter. This only makes sense given the absolute trail of people lusting after him. Max gives attention to who he wants, when he wants them and gives no thoughts as to what happens afterward because he takes only what he desires, which in an overwhelming majority of situations, is sex and sex alone, never a relationship or anything resembling commitment.
Aki knows this; he has known this since Max hit puberty and hit the town the same night. Aki isn’t stupid. Max has been one of his closest friends for years and has seen firsthand the list of individuals The Wolfe has encountered. Aki never particularly liked Max’s casualty towards romance and sex, but it was never any of his business. However, this completely changes once Aki himself becomes an object of Max’s interest. Aki’s life is shifted. Not only due to the sexuality crisis that Max sends him down but also knowing with every bone in his body that desiring Max for anything but a physical relationship will only hurt him.
But despite knowing better, he finds himself falling. Deep.
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Since Constance Billiards' most long-term couple broke up, their friend group has suffered some awkward moments, but Luna alone has assured that anyone outside the know has no indication of anything less than cordial going on; they always must keep up appearances after all. This awkward back and forth has been especially prevalent not between Audrey and Aki because, despite the talk, their relationship ending was more amicable than anything. They both understood the relationship was not meant to last forever, especially when one half of the pair is visibly fond of someone else. But instead, the tension was palpable with Otto and Aki since their unexpected encounter at the housing protest just this past weekend. Since then, Obie has been conveniently leaving the table or steps every time Aki approaches the group. Today proves to be no different than the past week.
The girls, minus their beloved Monet, are sitting and chatting on the steps like most mornings. Aki thinks he hears them say something about ‘the unfortunate case that is her scarf,’ but he skates past before he can listen to the rest of their thoughts about the subject. Aki travels his eyes to Obie running off towards Zoya; he can’t tell if they are on or off this week, but the discussion doesn’t look particularly pleasant, so he guesses it’s more off. He drags his foot down to stop the board and walk up towards the entrance, finding the halls busy as he has been showing up as late as possible to avoid the non-existent conversations with his friends but mostly Max. Aki is too afraid of the tint in his cheeks and ears being a dead giveaway if he even talks to Max anymore, so he tries to avoid him as best he can. But it seems as though today is his unlucky day as he finds Max leaning against his locker. He thinks he might be able to get away before Max has a chance to look up from his phone and see him, making a mental note to pick up his textbooks before his second class of the day, when he hears, “You don’t think you can keep avoiding me, do you Ak?” Akeno has his back facing Max at this point and gives himself a moment to calm down before turning around and replying, “Uh no, why would I do that? I was actually just going to look for you and... here you are.. at my locker.” Aki needs to work on being smoother, and he keeps note of that in the back of his mind.
“Well, seeing as though you were looking for me, what is it you need from me, my dear Akeno?” As Max spoke, he slowly made the few feet over from Aki’s locker to where he was currently standing in the bustling hallway.
Akeno tried to quickly scramble his brain for any resemblance of thought and only mustered up an overused excuse of, “Oh, I can’t remember now, you surprised me. I guess I just wanted to talk.” Aki, now looking anywhere except Max’s face, which he could see out of the corner of his eye, contained the all-knowing smirk that Aki was becoming all too familiar with during their encounters as of recent.
He saw Max’s hand come out from the pocket of his school uniform pants and reach up until they touch the strings of Aki’s hoodie. Max uses his pointer and middle finger to wrap them around the strings, using the tension of the strings to pull him closer. He looks up to Max’s face now, still seeing the smirk still adorned there, but his eyes were looking at something past Aki’s face. Max continued to pull him closer until there was a breath of hot air onto Aki’s right ear. Very drawn out, Max breathes, “And talk we can do,” his voice no higher than a whisper, the message for only Aki to hear despite the crowd of students around them. “I’m coming over at seven; we can talk then.” Max finishes, dropping the strings but not backing away, the pair of them staring at each other now. Before he can even really process what Max said, the bell rings. Max gives a small but all-telling wink to Aki before turning around and disappearing around the corner. Aki can’t help but watch him walk through the glass hallway before he completely loses him inside a classroom.
Aki continues to stand there a few seconds and staring into the direction that Max walked, his thoughts nothing short of a tornado before he feels a shoulder knock into his. He can instantly tell it’s Obie’s when he quickly states, “What did Max do to you, Ak? You are practically shooting daggers at him.” Then promptly walks away. Akeno mutters a quick “shit” under his breath and tells himself that he needs new friends. He is still shocked by the entire encounter with Max but knows that he needs to pull himself together before seven fucking pm.
He needs help, like badly. He hasn’t faced someone he has a crush on since the weeks leading up to his relationship with Audrey, but that was in the seventh grade; he doesn’t really remember anything, nor does it apply to this scenario at all. Unfortunately, his brain can only come up with one solution, so before he can mull over the long list of reasons why this is a bad idea, he opens his phone and texts, ‘i need help with something, can you come over after school?’ and receives an instant reply ‘Are you sure that is a good idea, Akeno?’ Aki types out ‘please, i wouldnt ask unless i really need the help’ and sees the typing bubble appear for a few too seconds too long before he receives ‘Ok, I’ll be there.’ Aki sighs out a breath of relief before making his way to his class, likely to just stare into oblivion while thinking about the multitude of issues that could happen tonight.
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Aki walked through the elevator into the mostly cream-colored, modern yet traditional apartment, immediately dropping his bag and kicking off his shoes before walking to the couch and unceremoniously diving to lay flat on his face. Despite completing absolutely no school work during his classes, he feels as if he took the SATs with how tired he is. Aki knew that his afternoon would only get more intense from here on out, so he needed to plant his face down and pretend as though none of that was real, that it was a dream. He allowed himself to relax and sink deeper into the couch, running along the edge of a much-needed nap before he hears a faint ding of the elevator before opening up. Aki turns his head to see the all too familiar sight of his girlfriend, now ex-girlfriend, he reminds himself, walking into the apartment. He knows that he will need her help to manage through tonight, but he feels his stomach churn because he thinks this encounter will be nothing short of awkward for the both of them.
“Hey Audrey, thanks for coming over,” He murmured, his brain still in the midst of waking up from his almost-nap, as he stood from the couch going over to the kitchen. He sat at a barstool across from where Audrey stood as she put her bag on the counter in front of her.
“You know I’m still here for you, Keno,” Audrey explained, coming around the island of the kitchen to sit on the stool directly next to Aki, “despite our untimely breakup, I don’t want us to lose our friendship. We’ve known each other too well for too long to just never speak again due because of small obstacle like that.”
Aki smiled because, of course, Audrey is nothing less than adaptable about their relationship turned friendship. Despite her showy personality in front of the girls and everyone she encounters in public, Audrey has always been sensible and companionable with Aki. This hasn’t been well demonstrated over the last few months of their relationship, but there were many confounding factors that affected that like her mom, the stress of possibly having to move away, and the big hitter, Max, and his ability to weasel his way into romantic encounters with both parties of their relationship; so it is safe to say a lot was going on that affected her attitude. Speaking of him, Audrey interrupts his long silence and pensiveness, “You look anxious; it’s been a while since I have seen the pragmatic Akeno truly distressed.” He looks up at Audrey from where he was previously picking at his hoodie sleeve up to her face; he can tell she looks concerned but then it appears as though a light bulb goes off, and she suddenly looks very smug before starting again. “Ahhh, I should have known. He seems to be at the root of a lot of predicaments lately.”
Aki became nervous before remembering that the three of them did have sex and have been tremendously intimate with each other, so this is by far the least embarrassing encounter regarding Max that she and he have been a part of. So he just asked, “How could you tell?”
“Did you forget that I know you, Aki?” She scolded, “But either way, you are not subtle about this entire thing. Also, Obie told me you were practically predatory with Max earlier, so I assumed it wasn’t a secret.”
“Wait, Obie talked to you? He hasn’t spoken more than five words to me since he heard me come out at that protest; what the fuck is up with him?” Now Aki was even more confused about the entire situation. He knows that Obie isn’t homophobic, that much was clear, but that would be the only explanation for the avoiding act that has been going on for the past week.
“That is a question for Obie, not me.” She replied, clearly trying to move the conversation back on track by continuing with, “So what’s your problem with our favorite playboy?” She questioned, clearly searching Aki’s face with curiosity. Aki notices this instantly and looks towards anything but her eyes as he knows how intuitive she can be.
He knew that he just had to blurt it out because otherwise, he would never say it out loud. He stood from his stool and paced around the kitchen for a few seconds before stopping directly across from her, keeping his face directed at the counter, and blurting out, “I like Max.” Aki hears no response from Audrey for several seconds, but as he looks up to face her, she bursts out in laughter. Aki would be offended if he weren’t so fucking confused, which seems to be the goal of all of his friends lately. “ I know I am dumb for liking the most unavailable person around, fuck me.” Aki ran his hands across his face, dreading even having this conversation out loud because it was obvious; he was just too optimistic to see it for himself.
Audrey finally calmed down, her face red from laughing but her facial expression becoming more earnest. She reached a hand across the island to grab hold of Aki’s wrist, her thumb grazing across his main vein there. “In case it wasn’t entirely clear from the threesome or the fucking palpable tension between the two of you, I think both Max and I are fully aware of that fact.”
“Audrey, no, you don’t get it. At first, it was all too much, considering that I didn’t even know I liked guys in that way until that kiss in the bathhouse. Ever since that day, I have been doing practically nothing except thinking about doing it again.” Aki explained.
Saying,”
“Well, if that’s the case, then I am pretty sure Max would have no problem doing it again like I am one hundred percent sure actually. Just ask him over or something.” Audrey offered. Aki sighed again because she just was not getting it.
“Audrey, I like him, I really like him. Like, I don’t just want to hook up with him and then go back to being friends in the morning, only calling him when I wanna get laid. I want a relationship that isn’t just sex or an excuse to make another one of his hookups jealous. I don’t want him the way everyone else wants him, not for his body, or his face, or the sex. I- I- I just want him. I want him so bad, and I have for a while now. On the day of the costume party, I was so fucking mad at Max for not wishing better for himself. I was so mad at Rafa for not only being a creep but just for getting to be with Max. Every time I think about the idea of a relationship with him, I get overwhelmed with feelings, like, like I- don’t know. I just want him to be the him that he is when he’s alone with me, the joyful, sober, witty, flirty, and sensitive Max. I want that Max, but that Max doesn’t exist outside of friendship because actual Max is only concerned with sex, drugs, and everything that is the complete opposite of commitment.” Aki finishes his breath shallow due to barely taking time for a breath through his entire speech to Audrey and partially because he hasn’t said any of those things out loud before. He is a little overwhelmed by his thoughts.
Audrey stopped her thumb across his wrist sometime during the spiel he just blurted out but continued it after he stopped, realizing he likely needed the comfort. Audrey took a few minutes to let Aki calm down and for herself to become more organized in her thoughts before saying, “You really do like him, huh?” Aki only replied with a slight nod. “I am sorry I didn’t realize sooner; I was too wrapped up in my own issues for me to see that you were having problems of your own. But now that I know, I need to make sure that one thing is abundantly clear, Akeno. You are so loveable, and if Max can’t see that and doesn’t want to be with you, then that is his own problem, not yours.” Audrey assured, her voice calmer than usual to make sure Aki understood her message.
Aki groaned and reached down to hold his other hand over her fingers across his wrist, knowing that despite her supportive message to him, his crush was futile. He spoke again, his voice quiet and desperate, “What do I do, Audrey?”
“The only thing you can do is tell him, Keno, otherwise you are just going to sit in your own self-pity, and we both know nothing good ever comes from that.”
Audrey didn’t stay for much longer after that. Once Aki casually mentioned that Max was planning on coming over in less than two hours, she made her way out fast. She left, leaving a quick kiss on Aki’s cheek and wishing him luck and ensuring him “It will all work out for the best Ak.” She pushed the button for the elevator, and Aki watched as the doors shut, leaving him alone with his ruminating pessimistic thoughts about the entire situation. This is precisely what Aki didn’t want because if he does that, he will only convince himself to tell Max not to come over. This is why he decides that instead of spending the time at the apartment, he will go down to the skate park and distract himself as much as humanly possible. Aki walks to his room and grabs his favorite board. He leaves his phone behind and exits the apartment to skate the six blocks to the skatepark.
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Ak skates back towards his apartment after spending some time with a few other skater friends he has met during his many visits to the park, which was surprisingly successful in preoccupying him. But now, as he has nothing else to do but think as he skates back due to his lack of a phone, he cursed himself for thinking he wouldn’t need it; he just thinks about how fucking strange and different things have been lately. Like a few months ago, if someone would have told him that he kissed Max, then had a threesome with Max and his girlfriend, broke up with said girlfriend, been confident in his bisexuality, and was out to his parents, was not talking to Obie, and was currently stressing about revealing his crush to Max, he would probably have assumed that person had stolen some of Max’s hidden stash from his nightstand. But here he is, currently skating towards what he is pretty sure is his inevitable doom regarding his friendship with Max (or whatever the fuck their relationship status is? Friends with benefits? Who knows anymore.) by telling him that he likes him? Loves him? No, no. Not love. He is unsure exactly what word he would use to describe it because crush feels too childish, and he is entirely sure he isn’t at the love stage yet. It took Aki until their spring semester freshman year to say I love you to Audrey, so not love yet. But it is the yet that scares him. The only thing more terrifying than that thought is the fact that he has arrived at his apartment complex already. Aki wants to just crawl out of his skin and not have to deal with any of this.
“Oh look, it’s everyone’s favorite skater boy. Suddenly I’m feeling a lot like Avril Lavigne.” Aki heard from behind him, turning around only to see Max getting out of his ride, thanking the driver. He looks good, Aki thinks. But that is nothing new. He is wearing a pair of dress pants, as usual, and a dark blue patterned button-up shirt, with no less than three buttons undone. This gives Akeno a view of the thin gold chain around his neck, and Aki thinks back momentarily to when he felt the chain dangle across his neck and chest not too many nights ago.
“Staring already, Ak? The night is so young, but I have never been able to say no to you, so I don’t mind being a little rushed.” Max grinned.
Aki had decided earlier that he wasn’t going to let his feelings get the best of him at least for a while and proceeded to answer with the same level of sarcasm that Max began with, “Already Max, really? You haven’t even been here 30 seconds, and you can’t keep it in your pants? I thought we said you were just coming here to talk? And unless your mouth is in your pants, which I know for sure that it’s not, then you might want to slow it down.”
“Damn Menzies, for someone who has been avoiding me since the dinner and aftershow, you have some lewd jokes about us. I love bold Aki.” Max taunted, brushing past Aki to walk through the doors of the apartment building and pressing the up button, leaving Aki to trail after him and catch up before the elevator door closed. Aki presses the penthouse button; then leans against the elevator’s back, with Max on his right mimicking his pose. There is tension between their bodies, with their eyes locked on each other. Aki knows the elevator is humming loudly, and the floor indicator is beeping with each passing floor, but all he can hear now is the erratic thrum of his heartbeat vibrating in his ears. Aki darts his eyes to the floor indicator, seeing only floor six, then looking back at Max. Max’s eyes flickered between Aki’s eyes and lips, Aki copied the action. Aki could feel tightness in his abdomen again, the same feeling he had in the closet, at the fashion show, the bathhouse, and practically every time he has been within twenty feet of Max since their first kiss. Aki clenched his teeth, wanting nothing more than to reach out to Max and kiss him, but there was a more important objective on the menu tonight, and Aki was determined as fuck to get through this night with most of his sanity intact. So, Aki looked away, focusing his eyes on the floor indicator once again, reading 12, 13, 14 as he heard Max let out a dramatic and annoyed sigh that Aki was definitely meant to hear. On floor 19, they arrived at the penthouse, the elevator doors opening. Immediately Aki grabs his skateboard and walks into the penthouse, not evening looking to see if Max followed. Ak walked into his poster-covered, dark but comfortable room to set his skateboard on the wall shelf and sat down to take off his hoodie and sneakers, leaving him in just a graphic tee and some oversized, skater dickie jeans.
“Well, when you said talk Ak', I expected a conversation, not for you to strip and lay on your bed before I even got a chance to ask about your day.” Max teased as he sat down next to Aki on the corner of the bed.
“I wasn’t lying, Max; we need to talk. Can you manage that, or should I just quit while I’m ahead?” Aki replied, voice more confident than usual. It wasn’t like Aki didn’t love Max being a tease, but when he was about to start confessing some pretty serious shit, he didn’t feel much like trying to decode every sentence Max says.
“Damn, ok, Akeno. You have my attention. Please don’t be dying. I don’t think I can handle that.” Max replied, his voice laced with sincerity and a bit of concern.
“No fuck, I’m not dying, dude, no one is dying,” Aki replied. He had never felt this nervous in his life, not when he asked Audrey out or even when he kissed Max for the first time. This nervousness spreads to every fiber in his body, making him feel like he will throw up if someone even looks at him wrong. He knew this would be awkward as fuck but sitting here with their thighs touching and Max looking at him with the most gentle of gazes makes Aki want to cease to exist. “It’s hot in here. Do you want water? I’m gonna go get water.” Aki doesn’t even wait to hear if Max says anything as he rushes out of the room towards the kitchen, grabbing and filling a glass of water before chugging it way too fast. Max must have trailed into the kitchen behind him as he feels Max touch his shoulder and ask, “Ak, are you okay? What’s wrong?” Aki feels trapped; the spot Max is touching feels red hot, like his skin just might melt off of his body, he needs to get out. Aki just shakes his head in response.
“Come,” Max says as he drags his hand down Aki’s shoulder to his hand, pulling him as they walk down the hallway and up the stairs to the roof terrace. He instantly feels lighter as a gulf of fresh air hits his skin. Max leads them to the edge of the roof, where they used to sit when they were kids. Aki has many fond memories on this roof, not only with Max but also with the rest of the group. They used to come up here and pretend they were on top of the world, looking down on Central Park as if it were so small. Now that they were practically adults, it still looks small, but less so. The main similarity to his childhood is that Max is still the only one who would ever sit on the edge of the roof with him, the others being too nervous about doing so. But even when Max was a kid, he was uninhibited and willing to go along with what Aki wanted to do. Now, their legs are swinging in the breeze and dangling over the busy street below, mirroring the movements they did as children. Only this time, their hands intertwined between them. Aki was finally becoming less anxious, just enough to look down to see that Max’s thumb was tracing small patterns into the back of his hand. If it weren’t so god damn comforting, Aki would be freaking the fuck out at the constant contact. It’s funny now to compare how Max’s finger moves along his skin to how Audrey’s did earlier this afternoon. Audrey’s was soft, patterned, and full of sympathy, almost like a motherly touch. But Max’s thumb was grounding, unconscious, and comforting. Aki didn’t know what that meant or if it even meant anything at all; he has a pattern of overanalyzing things when it comes to Max.
To avoid overthinking anymore than he already was, he instead looked at the sun as it was sitting a little above the horizon. It was just on the brink of setting, the sky a bright glow of oranges, yellows, and pinks, bright but not unbearable due to the buildings on the west side of Central Park blocking most of the direct light that would be affecting his vision. Aki lets himself breathe for a few more minutes, watching as the sky becomes a little darker with each passing moment, the terrace lights flickering on to illuminate the deck in the night sky. When Aki finally mainly felt back to normal, he uttered a quick, “Thanks, Max,” as he continued stared out into the limitless city line in front of him. “No worries, Ak. I am just worried about what you need to talk about that would warrant such a strong reaction from you. You know you can talk to me about anything.” Yeah, but not this, Aki thinks. As much as Max is someone Aki feels comfortable around, telling someone you like them is always intimidating. Let alone when that person’s track record for relationships is 4%, and their hookup rate runs around 96%. Aki knows he is attractive, and even more so, he knows that Max thinks he is attractive; they had slept together before, so the physical and emotional attraction was not a factor in the anxiety that Akeno is feeling about this. All of his worries lie in the fact that Max does not do commitment; Max had even told Aki that himself that last year, when he said, ‘A vast majority of people aren’t interesting enough for me to want them for more than our mutual satisfaction, so why would I settle when I could have it all.’ At the time, Aki had just rolled his eyes and brushed it off. However, since the bathhouse and especially since the dinner, that sentence has been ruminating through his mind on repeat. Aki is not used to feeling unsure of himself; while he may not be as cocky as Monet and Luna or as sure of himself as Audrey and Julien, he generally knew what he wanted and how to get it, he was his fathers’ son after all. But everything about this was just terrifying.
Nevertheless, Aki knew that it was now or never for this to come out, with anymore overthinking, and he might just send himself over the edge. Aki let out a breath and turned to face Max, looking at him and saying, “For what I am about to say, I need you just to listen and not say anything until I am done, alright?” Max’s eyes were apprehension, but he nodded anyway, “Absolutely, whatever you need, Ak.”
Aki looked again towards the dropping sunset, knowing that there is no way in hell that he can say this while looking at Max. He breathed deeply for a minute or two before deciding that he has to start somewhere.
“During my relationship with Audrey, I felt sure that I loved her, and she loved me. That was definitely true, but I think somewhere along the line, I started pulling away. It wasn’t purposeful, and I still love her so much, but at some point, I just gave up trying to pretend to be interested, and I think both her and I noticed. I think that is why we both turned our interest to you.” Aki looked over to catch Max’s gaze, something bordering on uncertainty as he looked at Aki, Aki looking away before continuing.
“When you asked me to come with you to the bathhouse, I felt so fucking nervous; I thought my heart was going to burst open. I wasn’t even concerned with the fact that I might be making Audrey uncomfortable. And when you said you wanted to make Rafa jealous and we kissed, I felt this buzz in my head that was persistent and a tension in my stomach that wouldn’t go away. When I got home, all I could think about was how unfair it was that I kissed you, but you just wanted Rafa. At the time, I didn’t know, but I was really fucking jealous, Max. Then, it just kept getting worse because you would flirt with me but then go sleep with Rafa or Audrey or someone else. And I know that I am so new to being openly bisexual, but I think I have known for a long time, and you, of all people, wouldn’t be judging me for questioning my sexuality. But when Audrey and I were still together, and we talked about when she slept with you, all she described felt like attraction and lust, she didn’t get the buzz or the stomach tension like I did, and I didn’t even sleep with you yet. That was when I knew I was fucked. It just seemed like everything happened at once, between Rafa, your dads, and my sexuality discovery, and I didn’t get to see you or talk to you since you disappeared, and I was so scared. I just kept thinking about how you might be sitting somewhere with no help or on a bender by yourself. I never told anyone, but I would go out at night alone and skate to your usual spots to see if I could find you. I just felt so nervous the entire time you were gone, and then when you came back from the hospital, you instantly went back to him, and I felt completely crushed. I felt like I had imagined everything between us, but I didn’t want you to know that because you are who you are. So, I just helped you whenever I could, and I just was dying on the inside every fucking day. Then when Audrey’s mom went to the hospital, I actually felt better than ever. Not because of her being sick but because you were hanging out with me like before, sober, happy, kind Max, and everything felt like it was before everything turned to shit. So then, when Audrey proposed the dinner to thank you, we had started talking about how much help you had been at the hospital. And I guess I am not the most discreet person ever because apparently, she could tell that I had feelings for you, and she suggested a threesome but made it seem like it was her idea entirely. I was a fucking conflicted mix of emotions when we were talking about it. Not because I didn’t want to do it, but because I like you so much, and I figured that since I was with Audrey, this would be the only opportunity for us to be this close ever, so I jumped at the idea. But exactly because of my feelings, sex did nothing except make me more interested, enough for Audrey and I to break up the following morning. She knew that I was already half-out-of-the-door but would never be the one to say that we should break up. I should have cried or even been a little sad, but I just kind of felt nothing. Or at least I did until I started thinking about you, then I realized that I was completely fucked because despite just ending a relationship with a girl that a lot of people would kill to get even look their way, I want to be with you.” He turned to look at Max now.
“I want to be with you because you’re sensitive and kind, and you complement me and push me out of my comfort zone but still make me feel secure. So that’s what made me so nervous Max, I like you and want to be in a relationship with you. But I know better; I know you don’t want a relationship. Still, I needed you to know because I would never be able to hold it in forever or forgive myself for not telling you.” Aki needed to take about a hundred breaths to refill his lungs, slightly out of breath from the fucking monologue he just said.
He felt significantly less worried than before because no matter what the outcome was, at least he finally told Max. Aki refocused on Max’s face, but he could no longer read Max’s expression. It wasn’t positive nor negative, just kind of neutral. They sat in silence for a few too-long moments, but before anyone spoke, Aki just felt Max’s hand retreat from where it previously was draped over Aki’s. Aki felt his heartbeat jump in his chest as he heard, “I, I, um- don’t know what to say,” Max stammered, his body turning away from Aki’s as he turned around and stood on the floor of the terrace. Aki got progressively more uneasy as Max continued, “I’ll talk to you later, Ak, I’m supposed to- I just have to go.” Max proceeded to turn around to open the terrace door, looking back at Aki once before descending the stairs, the door slamming shut behind him. Aki feels nothing and everything at the same time. He brings his legs up to his chest and rests his head on his crossed arms that sit atop his legs. He just sits and stares out in the sky as it goes from orange to red to dark, hearing the people living their lives beneath him as he just sits and waits for something he isn’t sure is coming.