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The first thing JJ registers when she wakes up is the headache. It feels like she’d had one of her longest nights out ever, and she swears she’ll never drink again. But then she feels the hands. Holding her up, shoving her along, wrestling her into a chair. Blind panic as her senses catch up and she notices the gag in her mouth. Rough fabric that chafes her cheeks and leaves a bitter taste on her tongue. Then, her vision returns. She’s in some kind of basement. There are no windows, and she doesn’t see any doors, though there has to be at least one. She thinks there are at least two people holding her, but she can’t be sure. Someone steps forward. In her disoriented state, it takes her a second to recognize him, but the rage she feels is immediate. It bubbles up inside her and she launches herself at him, though she can’t get very far- she’s still being held and she thinks maybe she’s been handcuffed. Finally, her brain produces the name. Askari. He leans down and smiles at her, a syringe held delicately in his hand. “If I were you, I would save my strength,” he plunges the needle into her arm, and everything goes black.
-... .-.. .- -.-. -.- -... .. .-. -..
This is not what she expected. This is not who she is. Jennifer Jareau does not just fly to a war zone. Yet here she is, barely 24 hours after her forced transfer from the BAU. In a war zone. Wearing a suit. Immediately, she feels like a fish out of water. Everyone is wearing neutrals, tactical gear, pants with lots of pockets, vests. Not one high heel in sight. Strauss greets her, tells her she should change clothes, but doesn’t even give JJ time to say that she had no idea where she was going when she had gotten dressed that morning before launching into her briefing. One of the guys, Cruz, she thinks, makes a similar comment, and JJ is glad that her years of dealing with the press, and dealing with dumb small-town cops, have taught her to bite her tongue.
And then it doesn’t matter what she’s wearing, because laying on the bed in front of her is a man who has been tortured to death. Someone else she’s introduced to questions why a profiler is needed here, and JJ can’t help but think that this is exactly the type of place a profiler needs to be. Her team always got the answers they needed, and they never had to lay a hand on anyone. It hits her like a wave, the frustration that no one will tell her what’s going on, that no one seems to trust that she should be here, the fact that she can’t decide for herself if she should be here, and she’s about to snap, she really is, but then Strauss steps in. Calls her a “proven mediator,” and it’s enough for JJ to get herself back under control. Despite the body in front of her.
-... .-.. .- -.-. -.- -... .. .-. -..
“This is Prentiss,” Emily says, picking up her phone as she enters her office.
“Emily,” the voice on the other end says.
“Hotch?” Whatever it is, Emily hopes it doesn’t take long. She really doesn’t have time for a BAU consult right now.
“Yeah. Listen,” his voice is so, so serious, and she feels all of her blood rush to her ears, trying to drown him out as he tells her that JJ is missing. That no one has heard from her since last night. Her car was found abandoned, her phone just laying on the sidewalk not too far away. It could be nothing, but it’s very likely something. “Will is here,” he says, “Henry, too. They’re safe.” Hearing Henry is okay is the anchor Emily needs to steady herself. She takes a deep breath. She can get JJ back. She has to. Hotch transfers her to speaker, tells her they’re in the conference room, that Will and Garcia will be here any second with more information. She takes another breath.
“Find Matt Cruz, he’ll know what’s going on,” Will’s voice comes through, and Emily thanks her lucky stars that in this moment, he is clear headed enough to remember what JJ told them.
“Section Chief, Matt Cruz?” Garcia asks, the note of panic in her voice striking Emily’s heart. She’s not the only one freaking out, then.
“They worked together at the State Department,” she supplies.
“Hey Emily,” if Will is surprised to hear her voice from the phone, he doesn’t show it.
“Hey Will,” she barely gets back before Hotch jumps in.
“Neither one of them mentioned that,” he sounds betrayed.
“They couldn’t, their assignment is classified,” Emily says.
“No, past tense. JJ worked at the State Department years ago,” Garcia says.
“I thought that too,” Will starts, “but then Cruz was assigned here, and all the secret calls, and last minute changes to Henry’s schedule started happening again,” he sounds a little betrayed himself.
“Look, JJ said if anything ever happened to her, that Cruz would know what to do,” Emily snaps. They don’t have time for this.
“Sir, there’s a problem,” a male voice– Anderson, maybe, “Chief Cruz isn’t answering and GPS on his mobile isn’t transmitting.”
“That’s the same thing as JJ,” Garcia says. That’s enough to finally spring Emily into action. She’s out of her office just as quickly as she had entered it, pausing only to grab the go-bag stored neatly by the door.
On the other end of the line, Hotch has come to the same conclusion. “Garcia, have Rossi and Blake check out Cruz’s house, and Anderson, put Agent Jareau’s family into protective custody. And Emily?”
“I’m on my way,” she says, and the line goes dead.
-... .-.. .- -.-. -.- -... .. .-. -..
The next time JJ wakes, it’s to movement on the other end of the room. Whatever Askari had drugged her with hadn’t been the same or as potent as when she was taken, because waking is much easier this time. Her eyes almost immediately focus on her captors, and then on the man they are dragging in. Matt. He looks terrible. Some part of JJ’s brain tries to tell her that she probably looks just as bad, but she doesn’t have time to focus on it because Matt is locking eyes with her, trying to tell her something. “They’re trying to access Integrity,” he says. “We can’t let them get our codes,” whatever he might’ve said next is cut off by a swift blow to his jaw.
Watching the blow makes JJ flinch, and it’s only then that she realizes Askari is holding her face, forcing her to look at her companion. “You have forgotten,” he says, “I know exactly how to get what I want.” One of Askari’s henchmen comes over and removes her cuffs from where they’ve been attached to her chair, before attaching them to a chain from the ceiling, mirroring how they have restrained Matt.
Integrity, JJ repeats in her head like a mantra. Like a prayer. She can’t lose sight of what is at stake. If she does, Askari will win, and she thinks that she will probably die.
Integrity, JJ chants as they bring out the towel and water.
Integrity, as her lungs scream for air and water drenches her face, making her feel like she is drowning.
Integrity, as Askari grabs her chin, looking down at her with so much hatred in his eyes.
“The sooner you give me the security codes, the sooner this can end,” he says.
Integrity, as she bites him, and Integrity as she is punched in the face.
-... .-.. .- -.-. -.- -... .. .-. -..
JJ promises herself that she will not be like the men around her. She will not get the information she needs by brute force. She is better than that. It frustrates her coworkers to no end, that she insists on talking, on building a relationship with Nadia. They think they would have their answers so much faster if JJ would just throw a punch. But JJ understands something they don’t. She understands it the moment she meets the woman and sees how tightly she is clutching the doll. It is only confirmed when the doll is dropped outside and Nadia flings herself about in anguish. Throwing punches, forcing Nadia to give them the information they want will get them nowhere, not when she has a child to protect. Nadia is a mother.
JJ is a mother. Her own child is turning two in a few days, and JJ is more than likely going to miss it. Because she is here.
It’s that fact that makes JJ push so hard to get the rescue mission for Nadia’s daughter approved. If she has to be here, missing Henry’s birthday, then there damn well better be something to show for it.
-... .-.. .- -.-. -.- -... .. .-. -..
Integrity, as JJ is blasted with cold water.
Integrity, as she refuses to give in.
-... .-.. .- -.-. -.- -... .. .-. -..
“Yeah,” Hotch says, picking up his phone as he strides out of the Secretary’s office.
“They just locked us out,” Morgan sounds panicked. “Is State doing anything to find JJ and Cruz?”
“No,” he says simply, even though it’s not simple at all.
“I’ll meet you at the office. Reinforcements are on the way,” Hotch knows Morgan will hate it, but it’s all he feels comfortable saying over the phone. He hangs up and dials Emily.
“Prentiss,” Emily says, stepping out of the taxi she had taken from the airport.
“How close are you?” Hotch asks in lieu of a greeting.
“I’m about to head up.” She makes her way to the security desk to pick up the visitor’s pass that has been set aside for her.
“Have the team get you up to speed and I’ll be there soon,” he says before hanging up.
-... .-.. .- -.-. -.- -... .. .-. -..
JJ is cold. So unbelievably, incredibly cold. Every inch of her is shaking uncontrollably in an instinctual effort to warm her soaking wet body up. A man who JJ hasn’t seen before, and who looks so out of place next to Askari and his men, opens up a laptop in front of her. The log-in screen to Integrity glares back at her. “Soon,” Askari says. Soon, JJ repeats to herself. Help will be coming soon.
She feels like a bird ready to take flight, so full of anxious energy as she watches the screens in front of her. They were going to do it. They were going to get Nadia’s daughter, reunite them, and JJ was going to finally prove to everyone here that she knows exactly what she is doing. She can’t take her eyes from the screen for a second, not as the ops team approaches the building, not as they identify the girl, not as they begin to get shot down, and not even as the screen goes blank. An explosion, Hastings informs them. JJ has proven nothing.
-... .-.. .- -.-. -.- -... .. .-. -..
“According to Interpol’s data, Askari is as bad as they get,” Emily says to the team gathered around the conference table with her. “Highly educated member of the Republican Guard, caught torturing POWs off the clock for fun. I’m sending you his profile now,” she uses the simple task of emailing everyone Askari’s file to ground her. To compartmentalize. She knows that her best chance of getting JJ back is to remain objective. And the objective facts of the case are this: her wife had been a part of the US’s effort to track down Osama Bin Laden. Strauss had been there, as well as Matt Cruz. One of the other men JJ worked with, Michael Hastings, had been killed in a convoy ambush, most likely by Askari. JJ and Cruz both have access to an important database called ‘Integrity,’ and it is that access that has gotten them kidnapped now. According to the Secretary of State, there are “ongoing backchannel negotiations” that can’t be interrupted by a rescue mission. So saving JJ (and Cruz) is all down to the BAU. All down to Emily.
“So this is who has JJ?” Garcia asks.
“His name speaks volumes. Tivon means ‘student of nature,’ yet Askari means ‘soldier,’” Blake chimes in.
Hotch takes control. “Askari’s methods appear well documented. He’s organized, he’s meticulous. He typically spends 24 hours with his subjects before they break.”
“They’ve had Cruz at least that long,” Reid says. But not JJ, Emily adds silently to herself, unsure if she is glad to know that her wife likely hasn’t broken yet, or sick to think that the interrogation is nowhere near over. She lands on sick. And then sicker still, when she remembers this interrogation likely won’t end with JJ’s release.
“It looks like this guy uses most of the standard torture techniques,” Morgan supplies, and Emily does her best to focus on JJ as a victim, not her wife.
“He even keeps his ritual to an established timeline,” Rossi adds. “A so-called ‘perfect methodology’ evolved through years of practice.”
“No sexual torture, maybe he has lines he doesn’t cross,” Blake sounds almost interested in this monster.
“Typically, professional torturers are driven by a false sense of moral superiority,” Reid says. “They don’t derive sexual pleasure from the cruelty they inflict.”
“But Askari isn’t just a torturer, he’s a sadistic serial killer,” Hotch reminds everyone.
“And they love getting off,” Emily barely hears Rossi’s reply, focused as she is on not throwing up all over the table in front of her. So much for compartmentalizing. Just as she thinks she’s about to lose it, however, her iPad chimes with an email. More files from her team. She opens them quickly, desperate for something to focus on that is not the conversation around her.
“Guys, I may have two more victims we can attribute to Askari,” she says, once she realizes what she has. “Savin Mubari and his wife Nadia. He was a known confidant of Bin Laden’s. Both were at the camp where JJ worked.”
“Then JJ would have been assigned to interrogate Nadia,” Hotch concludes. “Do we know what happened to her?”
“M.O. matches all of Askari’s victims, except for one thing,” Emily feels her heart stop beating. “She was raped.”
“So what was different about her?” Blake asks.
“Maybe she lasted the longest. If his ritual dictates a specific timeline, any new aspect would fall later in his routine,” Reid is speculating, but it makes sense, and Emily really, really thinks she is going to lose it now.
“The longer JJ holds out, the greater likelihood that’ll happen to her,” she knows the team is all thinking it, but at least they have the grace not to say it to her.
“So how much time does JJ have?” Garcia looks like she might cry.
“A few hours,” Emily says grimly, before getting up, crossing to the wastebasket, and promptly vomiting.
-... .-.. .- -.-. -.- -... .. .-. -..
Soon, JJ tells herself as she watches Askari’s men fill buckets with water. Help will be coming soon, she knows it. Knows it won’t have taken anyone long to notice she’s gone. Knows her team can figure out where she is, though she doesn’t know herself. She can’t figure out what the water is for, maybe they’re going to try and actually drown her this time. Soon. She can take a little drowning. She thinks. JJ wonders briefly if anyone has called Emily and told her what’s going on, and then Askari is grabbing a sponge from the bucket, attaching it to jumper cables, and pressing it to her abdomen. So– is as far as her brain can get before it is entirely overwhelmed by pain.
Cruz and Hastings follow her as she marches across the camp. They don’t need to come with her. If that failed operation was proof of anything, it’s that she’s obviously capable of breaking Nadia’s heart on her own. JJ cannot let herself empathize, cannot put herself in Nadia's shoes, cannot imagine someone telling her that Henry is dead. This mission failure has been catastrophic, for JJ, for her team, and yet it still doesn't even hold a candle to the destruction this will cause in Nadia's world. But in the end, she doesn’t have to tell her anything. Because when they get to her room, JJ’s flashlight lands on Nadia, staring back at her from her mattress, lifeless. Her daughter’s doll is still clutched in her fist.
JJ pukes in the dirt outside.
They’re taking Matt down from his restraints, and for a tiny, fleeting moment, JJ lets herself believe that they’re going to let them go. Then she sees the gun, and she understands. They drag him into another room, and she thinks that maybe she shouts after him, but she isn’t sure. She is sure of Askari standing above her, saying “you have five seconds to give me what I want.” He pauses, briefly, testing to see if he has scared her enough.
“Five,” he says. She doesn’t say anything. JJ isn’t scared, she is sure.
“Four…” If they kill Matt, they won’t be able to access Integrity.
“Three…” If they can’t gain access, they will kill her.
“Two…” JJ is sure.
“One.”
The sound of the gunshot reverberates through the small space, and JJ is no longer sure she has made the right choice. They let her down to the ground, and she does her best to disappear into it.
Soon. This will all end soon.
-... .-.. .- -.-. -.- -... .. .-. -..
Emily sits back down at the table and picks up her iPad, doing her best to ignore the concerned looks from the people around her. They all seem at a loss for words, and so she brings it back to what they can do– profile. “When the war broke out it looks like Askari’s talents were recruited by the regime to break potential informants as well as captured US troops.”
“So Askari works for the highest bidder,” Hotch decides.
“How does a guy who tortured US soldiers get drafted to our side?” Morgan asks the question they are all thinking.
“Wait, I might know that,” Garcia says, springing into action. “I uploaded the ghost file to my private cloud server. The order was given by Chief Cruz.”
“Why would Cruz enlist a man like Askari?” Blake wonders.
“He needed a high-ranking partner to put him in position,” Reid says.
“So what are we saying? Cruz and Askari were working together?” Rossi sounds as astonished as Emily feels.
“Then JJ is in more danger than we thought,” Reid confirms.
-... .-.. .- -.-. -.- -... .. .-. -..
It wasn’t supposed to happen like this, she knows, but JJ can’t help but feel like everything is exactly right anyway. She was supposed to be sitting in her OB’s office, hearing that the IUI had worked, before driving home and surprising her girlfriend with the news that they are going to be parents again. Emily didn’t even know JJ had tried. She thought the surprise would be sweeter, that way. Of course, JJ was supposed to be able to tell Emily immediately, instead of waiting until she wasn’t in a literal war zone…
She’s still sitting on a cot in the infirmary when Cruz finds her. “Hey, welcome back. How was your trip home?” He asks. “What’s wrong with you?”
“Nothing’s wrong,” JJ says, realizing how she must look. “I’m pregnant.”
“Is… that a good thing?” Bless his heart.
“Yeah. Yeah, I was trying,” she laughs. It is a really good thing. “It’s just… I never imagined finding out about it here.”
“Well then, congratulations,” he sweeps her into a hug.
“Jareau,” Hastings says as he approaches, breaking up the moment. “There’s a call for you from the BAU, some kind of emergency involving Emily?” JJ is out of there so fast that she doesn't even hear Hastings call out after her. All she can think of is Emily.
Emily.
Emily.
Emily is there, coming through the door, kneeling next to her. “JJ,” Emily says. “God, you’re freezing.” Is she? JJ can’t feel it.
“Emily,” JJ breathes, almost doesn’t believe it’s real but Emily’s hand is so warm against her face. It has to be. “How did you find me?”
“It doesn’t matter,” she says, but it does matter. Because if Emily’s not here to save her, then she’s been brought here, too, and JJ, JJ…
JJ can’t do it anymore. “It’s taking everything,” she admits. “I can’t… I think I might break.”
“You have to break,” Emily says.
“No, I…” This isn’t right. Emily wouldn’t say that. She wouldn’t tell JJ to break, she would tell JJ to fight.
“This has to end,” Matt’s face drifts into view. This isn’t right. She must be dreaming.
“Matt, how did you– I thought you were– I thought you were dead,” JJ has to wake up.
“I know. They’re trying to break you.” Not dreaming, then.
“I… I must be seeing things,” she says.
“You have to break,” Matt pleads. “You can’t take much more of this.”
He’s right, and she knows it, but for a split second his face morphs back into Emily. “No,” JJ says. For Emily.
“The time has come to give up your security codes,” he tries one more time.
“No,” JJ repeats. For Emily.
Emily.
-... .-.. .- -.-. -.- -... .. .-. -..
“The first thing I’m doing when we get to Paris is having this removed,” Emily says, resting her hand lightly on her chest. “How could a brand hurt more than getting staked?”
“Maybe it’s a psychosomatic itch you’re scratching?” JJ suggests. “The brand left an emotional toll, Doyle established dominance over you by marking you as his. A stake… I mean you overcame death. The ultimate victory over your foe. Why suffer a pain you’re proud of?”
“My girlfriend the profiler,” Emily smiles.
“You could always get another tattoo. Something transformative, like a phoenix,” JJ says, laughing when Emily raises an eyebrow at her suggestion. “Or a blackbird.”
That makes Emily laugh, too. “A tattoo for ‘our song?’ Come on Jayje, even you have to admit that’s pretty gay,” she reaches out for her girlfriend, smiling when the blonde twines their fingers together.
“I’m going to need something to remember you by,” JJ says softly.
“I don’t want to go,” Emily counters. She doesn’t. She had been furious when she had woken up in her hospital room to JJ and Hotch, waiting to tell her that she was dead.
“You have to,” JJ has said it so many times that she’s starting to feel like a broken record.
“I know,” Emily sighs. “So, matching tattoos it is then?”
“Yeah,” JJ smiles. They’re quiet for a while then, just holding hands and looking at each other, each trying to pretend that the world outside this plane does not exist for them. It’s peaceful, and feels normal and safe enough that for a moment JJ considers telling Emily what she has been dying to since they reunited– that she is pregnant. But then the plane hits a spot of turbulence, and JJ remembers where they are and what they are doing. If she tells her now, Emily will never go.
The jolt brings Emily back to her senses, too, and she remembers the question she’s been meaning to ask for the entire flight. “Why didn’t you tell me your transfer was a backstop?”
“It’s not,” JJ says, a little too automatically.
“Come on, JJ. Commandeering an Interpol jet, profiling me…” JJ shoots her a look. “Oh, I know that look. The ‘I can’t trust anyone but myself’ look? I invented it. But Jay, it’s me. You could have told me.”
“You could have told me about Doyle,” JJ fires back, though she wishes she hadn’t. They had already had this fight a few times since Emily woke up in the hospital.
“It was classified,” Emily sighs. JJ rolls her eyes at her– like her thing wasn’t classified? “Okay, fair,” Emily concedes.
“Do you ever feel like you’re in way over your head?” JJ asks, smiling slightly when Emily raises an eyebrow and gestures vaguely to the air around her. Obviously the brunette felt in over her head now. “I was assigned to an information hunt. Instead, I am chasing an unsub who killed my informant.”
Emily tries not to focus on the way her girlfriend says ‘informant’; that was something from her world, not JJ’s. “What would Hotch tell you to do?” She asks instead.
“Focus on victimology, let behavior lead the way.”
“Exactly. Who did your unsub kill?”
“The one person I was getting through to,” JJ huffs, and Emily can’t but feel a little pride that she has brought out the frustrated side that her girlfriend so rarely lets people see.
“Why?” she presses.
“Because I was getting through to… I was getting through to her,” JJ realizes. “What if she was about to expose her killer? Someone on the inside?”
“Sounds like it’s time for you to be the blackbird and flip the script.”
-... .-.. .- -.-. -.- -... .. .-. -..
“JJ suspected a double agent,” Emily tells the team, absentmindedly fingering the spot on her blouse that concealed the delicate tattoo. “She could have been talking about Cruz.” A minute before, Reid had burst into the room, almost out of breath in his haste to tell them that Cruz hadn’t even put his name in for Section Chief before his transfer.
“If Cruz is working with Askari, why take JJ? His clearance level is higher than hers.” Reid wonders aloud.
“At Interpol, our most sensitive information requires two ranking agents to gain access,” she says.
“Maybe the Integrity systems require the same,” Reid finishes.
“But when agents are compromised, their security privileges are revoked. JJ’s codes shouldn’t work,” Blake says, and Emily suddenly finds herself very afraid of the moment Askari and Cruz discover that fact.
“If he knew what he was doing, he could reroute the system updates that would render their security codes useless,” Garcia says.
“Where would he have to go to do that?” Morgan asks.
“Straight to the source,” Garcia explains. “He’d have to hard-line into the servers, but they’re scattered all over the country.” ‘So, just finding a needle in a haystack, then,’ Emily thinks dryly.
“It would be difficult to transport JJ and keep to Askari’s timeline,” Rossi says. “He must have taken her someplace local.” She prays he’s right.
-... .-.. .- -.-. -.- -... .. .-. -..
Emily, JJ reminds herself. She’s on her knees, the laptop in front of her. Matt is telling her it’s okay, but she wishes he wouldn’t. It’s not okay. She wishes she were stronger, wishes she could hold out just a little while longer. But she’s starting to think help will never come. And she can’t do it anymore.
PT02-JP30-WH01. Then, at the end, the panic code. BLACKBIRD. A final prayer that Emily will come.
She doesn’t hear the tech say her codes are confirmed. Barely registers Askari’s gun pressing into the base of her skull. Emily, she thinks, hoping that wherever she ends up after he pulls the trigger, her wife will be there, too.
-... .-.. .- -.-. -.- -... .. .-. -..
Jennifer Jareau will not become like the men around her. She has orchestrated a disaster of a failed mission, her most valuable asset has been murdered, and she has absolutely nothing to show for her time here. JJ has every reason to become like the men around her, jaded, impatient for answers, in need of a win. Telling her team that they had approval to use ‘enhanced interrogation techniques’ was meant to scare them. To make them know she meant business, that she would find Nadia’s killer, the double agent, no matter what. It was true that she had the permission, but Jennifer Jareau will not become like the men around her.
Now, sitting in a humvee that has just been shaken by an explosion, JJ thinks scaring them has been a mistake. She had thought the unsub was someone just outside her inner circle, but this confirms something different. Hastings, Cruz, or Askari. Maybe even Strauss. JJ is rattled. She has to focus. There’s gunfire, obviously whoever had set the bomb had bigger plans. Hastings is unconscious next to her. She has to focus. Then she sees him. Through the dusty and cracked windshield, JJ can make out Askari, tucked behind his humvee, clearly shooting at her men. Of course.
Before she can even fully think about what she is doing, JJ is up and out of her seat, pulling out her gun, and shooting at him. It distracts him enough that he never takes the shot he had been aiming at Cruz. Then two of the men that had attacked them appear out of the dust and drag Askari back with them. JJ tries to watch where they go, but there’s a persistent ringing in her ears, and her knees feel weak. She doesn’t really even feel herself hit the ground before everything goes black.
-... .-.. .- -.-. -.- -... .. .-. -..
As far as FBI Agents go, Anderson has always been a bit of a push-over. It used to annoy Emily to no end, but now she is glad of it. Instead of sending Will and Henry home with a protective detail like he had been ordered, Anderson has sequestered the father and son in JJ’s old office, most likely at Will’s request. She knows they’ve been here all day, but she hadn’t torn herself away from the team until Garcia had all but kicked them out, saying that she would need some quiet to track down possible server locations.
The sound of the door opening wakes Will, and Emily quickly motions for him to stay put on the couch before moving to scoop a sleeping Henry from the bed of spare blankets his father has created for him on the floor. The little boy doesn’t wake, just puts his thumb in his mouth and settles comfortably against Emily’s chest once she sits down in the desk chair with him. Her stepson feels so much bigger than the last time she held him, but he smells exactly the same– an intoxicating mix of baby and green apple kids shampoo and the smallest hint of his mother. She closes her eyes and breathes him in.
Henry had been the greatest surprise of her life. She’s sure now that if it weren’t for him, she and JJ would not be where they were today. Emily couldn’t even regret the time she and JJ had spent apart, because it had brought them Henry. And Henry had brought them together again. Emily had grown up sure that there was not a maternal bone in her body. She was determined to not let herself be talked into having kids, because she knew that she would not be able to love them like they deserved.
But loving JJ was so easy. Even when they were young, and stupid, and let silly disagreements and fears of commitment get in the way, Emily never stopped loving JJ. And Henry was so much a part of JJ that it was impossible not to love him, too. At least, that’s how it had been in the beginning– loving Henry because JJ needed her to. Now, though, Emily loves him in his own right. He is smart, and funny, and curious, and he loves her fiercely. In all the time she has had to spend away from him recently, he has never once held it against her. She wishes she had half the capacity for forgiveness that he does.
When she opens her eyes again, Will gives her a look that clearly means he’s wondering if they’ve found JJ yet, and all Emily can do is shake her head sadly. They haven’t. She gently rocks her stepson back and forth and tries to not let herself think about what will happen if they never do.
-... .-.. .- -.-. -.- -... .. .-. -..
She smiles sweetly at the baby in her arms, the weight of a newborn so foreign after being used to a toddler, but deeply, instinctually familiar at the same time. The baby is sleeping, milk-drunk and so utterly relaxed. There’s a sound at the door, and JJ’s arms tighten slightly, a reflex to protect her child. She relaxes them just as quickly when Henry runs over to the side of her bed. He’s here to meet the baby. JJ greets him softly, and then looks to the door to see who has brought him.
Emily is standing there, which confuses JJ because Emily is supposed to be in Paris. She’s supposed to be pretending to be dead. Not here, with Henry. And if she’s here with Henry now, then why hadn’t Emily been at the birth? JJ had been all alone. The brief flare of anger that she feels is washed away by the smile Emily gives her as she comes to join Henry at JJ’s bedside. Without saying anything, Emily reaches for the baby and JJ gives in, tearing up at the sight of mother and child meeting for the first time. The room is quiet for a while, the small family soaking up the peace of being together at last.
“It’s time to say goodbye,” Emily whispers softly. JJ raises an eyebrow, and is surprised to find Emily looking at the baby, not her. That doesn’t make sense. The baby doesn’t need to say goodbye. The baby is supposed to stay here, with JJ. But that doesn’t stop Emily from turning on her heel and walking out of the hospital room, the baby still held tightly in her arms. JJ wants to cry out, but Henry climbs into her lap, and so she holds it together, for him.
When Emily returns, her arms are empty.
JJ wakes with a start. Her hands jump, and she hisses at the pain that causes the IVs apparently attached to them. She’s on base, in the infirmary. The ambush. Cruz comes over, looking a little banged up but ultimately fine. Askari was the traitor. Hastings was taken by his men. Then Cruz tells her one more thing. The havoc the ambush had wreaked inside her body.
JJ is empty.
-... .-.. .- -.-. -.- -... .. .-. -..
Askari is still holding the gun to her head, using her life as leverage to get Matt’s codes out of him. She wishes he would just give in already. They’ve already lost. “Your code now,” Askari demands. “Or this time she loses more than her baby.” Wait.
“Go to hell,” Matt spits. Wait.
“Your code!” Askari screams. Wait!
“Did you tell them I was pregnant?” JJ asks Matt.
“Of course not,” he says back. “I never told anyone.”
Of course, JJ thinks. Of-fucking-course. “Okay. It’s enough,” she says instead. “Come out,”
“Who are you talking to?” Askari moves to stand in front of her, keeping his gun trained on her head.
“Not to you, to your boss,” she says simply. Then, a little louder, “come out and face me, you coward.”
-... .-.. .- -.-. -.- -... .. .-. -..
“Here, try this,” Kevin says, approaching Penelope with a mug.
“Tea? I’m not drinking tea, JJ’s not drinking tea,” the tech analyst is spiraling.
“You need to calm down,” Kevin tries again.
“It’s been 24 hours, Kevin. Do you know what happens after 24 hours? Because I do.” Whatever she was going to say next is cut off by an alert tone from her laptop. “What was that?”
“Blackbird? What does that mean?” Kevin asks Penelope after they’ve both read the message on her screen.
“I have no idea,” she says back.
“It’s JJ,” Emily says as she comes back into the conference room, having overheard Garcia and Kevin’s entire exchange. “Where is everyone?” She had expected to find the entire team in here, but is instead confronted with only the two analysts.
A cloud of worry passes over Kevin’s face “They’re uhh…”
“They’re checking out the six local server locations I found,” Garcia admits.
“Fuck! Penelope,” Emily starts to cross the room toward the bullpen, but Garcia catches her by the arm, and tear-filled eyes meet tear-filled eyes.
“Hotch didn’t want you to know,” the blonde explains. “You’re too close.”
“Penelope,” a tear slips down her cheek, and she brushes it away. “I have to.” She is determined to.
Garcia clearly sees that, because she gives Emily’s arm a squeeze before pushing her toward the door. “There’s an extra set of comms in my office. Do you have your own gear?” Emily nods. “Good. No going off on your own, you go meet up with the team, understood?”
“Yes, ma’am,” Emily is already halfway out the door.
“And, Em?” Garcia says before she goes. “Promise me you’ll get her back.”
“I promise,” Emily says, and then she is gone.
-... .-.. .- -.-. -.- -... .. .-. -..
To his credit, Michael Hastings does appear when JJ calls for him. She thinks it must be a running theme in her life, people who are supposed to be dead turning up alive.
“How did you know?” he asks, sounding a little impressed.
“Askari couldn’t possibly know I was pregnant. I didn’t tell anyone, not even my wife. I only told Matt, right before you came and gave me that message from the BAU. How long were you listening before you approached?” She tries to put as much malice into the question as she can. “The humvee attack proved I was right about an inside man.”
“And look what it cost you,” he almost laughs at her. She doesn’t care.
“You can threaten to kill me,” she says. “Matt won’t give you what you want.”
“She’s right,” Askari says, and JJ feels a small burst of victory.
“Don’t I know it,” Hastings responds as he crosses back to where her chain is attached to the wall, using it to roughly drag JJ to her feet. “But I also know you, Matt. And what line you won’t let me cross. Jareau is your Achilles heel,” Hastings comes to stand at her back, hands grabbing her legs, her ass, before coming around and grabbing her face. JJ barely stops herself from spitting at him. “She is an attractive woman.”
“Don’t touch her, you sick son of a bitch!” Matt screams, and for the first time since they got here, she is afraid that he might break.
“No more games, I want Integrity. She’s the price,” Hastings’ hands travel down to grope at her stomach. “Maybe, I can make you one. Another one.”
-... .-.. .- -.-. -.- -... .. .-. -..
“JJ must have logged in with a panic sequence that triggered a silent alarm,” Penelope is saying in her ear as Emily rushes to the parking garage, gun and kevlar vest in tow. “Enter your security code backwards, and a preset alarm is activated– in this case, blackbird. Oh god, JJ sent that alert 30 minutes ago.” Emily breaks into a run. “They must have looped the system, that’s why I couldn’t read any hard-lines.”
“Which of the servers sent the message?” Hotch asks. Rather than Garcia’s answer, though, the team is treated to the sounds of security clearly storming the BAU conference room.
“Hands where we can see them,” one of the unknown agents demands.
There’s a fair amount of shuffling, and some distressed noises from Kevin, but as she’s being dragged away, Garcia confidently shouts “Utherlay oadchurchbray,” back at the phone. “Utherlay oadchurchbray!”
“Pig latin,” Blake identifies, though the team had all figured that out for themselves.
“Luther and Broadchurch is the location of Cramer Industries,” Reid says. “It’s a research and development company.”
“R&D– that’s gotta be a front for clandestine operations,” Morgan decides.
“I’ll meet you there.” Emily doesn’t think she has ever driven so fast in her life.
-... .-.. .- -.-. -.- -... .. .-. -..
“Take your time, Matt. I’ve been thinking about this for years,” Hastings is slowly undoing the buttons of her shirt. One over her rib cage pops, and he raises an eyebrow at the tattoo that is revealed there.
“Matt, don’t,” JJ warns. “I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m fine,” she repeats it like a mantra, already believing it herself, because she absolutely cannot let Matt think she is anything but. They’ve come so far. They don’t need to lose over this. She believes it all the way until Hastings reaches the button on her pants. When he undoes that, she lets out a small whimper, and the results are catastrophic.
“Ok, ok, that’s it. Just stop,” Matt breaks. “I’ll do it. Just stop.” The laptop is pushed closer to him, and he enters his code.
JJ is surprised when Hastings takes a step back from her. She knows that now that he has access to Integrity, she and Matt will probably die. There’s nothing stopping him from continuing down the path he had already started. The tech confirms the access, and starts downloading files in the order Hastings requests. Askari lifts his gun.
‘This is it,’ JJ thinks. ‘This is the end.’ Just as Askari is about to pull the trigger on Matt, the room is plunged into darkness. A moment later, the emergency lights kick on, and when they do, JJ can see the fear on Hastings’ face. Just for a second. Then he’s turning and barking orders at Askari. He grabs the phone the tech has been downloading Integrity to. Even though it’s not all of it, it’s enough.
Hastings disappears, leaving Askari to slit the poor tech kid’s throat. JJ doesn’t even wince. Watching him stab Matt is not so easy. She cries out, but Askari ignores her.
Just a simple “thank you, Matt,” before he drops his latest victim to the floor. Then he is advancing on her, and JJ is ready for her life to flash before her eyes, or to see Emily, or Henry, or her sister, anything. Instead, she can only stare at the pool of blood forming beneath Matt and think about how that is about to be her. She has just felt Askari pull his arm back, winding up for the fatal blow, when the gunshot rings out.
A second later, Emily is in front of her. Actual, real-live, Emily, not the dream version of her wife that JJ had seen earlier. This is the end.
Emily finds the key to JJ’s handcuffs on Askari’s body and lets her out. This is the end. JJ allows herself to press one all too brief kiss to her wife’s lips before begging the other woman to go and help Matt. This is the end. One more moment to breathe before slipping out the door. She has to find Hastings. This is the end.
-... .-.. .- -.-. -.- -... .. .-. -..
Upstairs, the gunfight between the BAU and Hastings’ men is well underway. Gunshots ring out from every direction, bullets are flying, and JJ pays them no attention. She is focused only on one thing, the blur of Hastings that she sees climb a staircase at the other end of the warehouse. As she runs across the space and climbs up after him, she misses her team finally getting the upper hand, and misses that her wife is only a few seconds behind her.
The gun she picked up along the way only has a few rounds left in it, but that doesn’t stop her from firing at him anyway. She notices Emily, then, and ducks behind the wall to let her wife fire off a few shots of her own. “This is the end,” she says when the shooting has stopped, all the guns empty. She doesn’t give Emily a chance to respond before racing across the roof and finally catching up to Hastings. JJ launches herself at him.
Jennifer Jareau does not lose. It is not in her nature. Small town soccer star, high school and college valedictorian, youngest FBI communications liaison in a decade. Specially and specifically recruited by the State Department. All her life, Jennifer Jareau has done everything in her power to win. And yet, she realizes now, rolling across the roof with Hastings, she has lost so much. Her life, since she landed in Afghanistan, has been a series of terrible blows and horrific failures. The thought causes her to pause, and Hastings knocks her aside.
Emily jumps in then, and it is not lost on JJ that finally, after years and years of dealing with their own shit, she and her wife get to fight a battle together. Her wife, who has stared down serial killers, defeated cult leaders, and once actually died. Her wife, who lives on a different continent because some other terrorist with a big ego and a personal vendetta had taken their life in his hands and ripped it to shreds. Her wife is here, fighting with her, fighting for her, and JJ will not lose. With that, she tackles Hastings, and as they roll to the edge of the roof, as she feels his body tip over the edge, pulling her with, she only has one thought in her mind. I win. All of it, the pain, the torture, the loss of her life with his, would be worth it because JJ has won.
Emily catches her. Whispers, “I got you,” as she pulls her wife back over the edge.
-... .-.. .- -.-. -.- -... .. .-. -..
They do not simply get to go home after that. There’s plenty of wrap-up, debriefing, and questions to answer. Paramedics take a look at JJ, bandage her up and say she is fine for now, but make her promise to follow up with her doctor in a few days. She talks to Matt. Neither of them really have words for what they need to say to each other, but she settles on ‘thank you.’ The hospital calls Hotch later, and he lets her know that Matt is going to be okay. JJ thinks okay is a relative term, but for now she feels it. Eventually, everything finishes and they’re free to go for the night. JJ doesn’t want to go home yet, and so one-by-one, she asks the team out for a drink.
Emily’s arm is wrapped protectively around JJ’s shoulders, holding her close while the group sips their drinks and talks about nothing and everything. Blake says she is glad to have finally met Emily, having heard so many wonderful things, and JJ smiles when her wife blushes at the compliment before telling them all that she’s planning to stay in town for a few weeks, which should give her ample time to prove Blake wrong.
JJ never says thank you, knowing that if she tried, they would tell her she didn’t need to. Looking around at their tired faces, though, she can see how hard they each fought for her. This whole time, JJ has been fighting for herself. Trying to win on her own. But now, as Emily pulls her in for a kiss, and the team cheers, JJ realizes she was never fighting alone. These people, her family, have been here all along.
And they have won.