Chapter Text
Kido POV
Kido leans back in his chair with a sigh. Another year goes by, with no change. He is getting older but with no one by his side who truly understands his burden. In the past, there was one who was by his side all along and understood without words what he wanted. A shadow of a smile falls on his face remembering Mogami Souichi & Old Border. Mogami, the one along with him & Yugo responsible for the framework of this very organization which is now left on his shoulders alone.
Yes, the younger generation including Rindou, Shinoda, Jin etc. are there but from his view, they are all too naive to understand his goals or what needed to be done when. Especially Jin. A mirror image of Mogami, not a day goes by without remembering him after seeing Jin. Be it appearance or attitude there remains absolutely nothing to differentiate them. Except back then Mogami and he saw eye to eye and shared the same goals. Considering Jin had seen everything and also had precognition to his benefit, he had hoped Jin would be by his side. Though yet again it was a naive assumption.
Worry how can he not, Jin was after all Mogami's precious student and Kido had himself taken care of Jin like his own child. Despite it all, Jin clings to the past desperately. Kido fails to understand that even after losing his dearest ones a second time to neighbours, how can Jin still trust them? As well as the foolish notion of being able to form a bridge between them and humans-It's impossible. But the children never understood, they were too kind for this world, they all had been- each who died and each who was alive.
Usually, he does not have the time to let his mind wander, but today is his birthday, one of the few days he has to himself. Also, one of the few where the past looms painfully in his now-empty office. The crackle of laughter, smiling kids, a crowded Tamakoma dining hall studded with an array of scrumptious food. Oh! How he missed it all. The mischief of Mogami vs the sincerity of the kids, his kids. Most importantly the warmth and comfort which he is yet to relive.
His times at Old Border were supposed to have been much more tiring because of the lack of resources & very little manpower, but they went by smoother and faster compared to the present. These days the work felt burdensome, & like a never-ending obligation instead of an innate desire. Even after having all the possible amenities he had lacked in the past, it only seemed to have become more exhausting. Days seem to drag on & on and in his position, he could not afford the luxury of relaxation. He had made a vow the day after the funeral service for the dead agents was over, to never let such a gross mistake take place ever again as long as he lived.
It doesn't matter if he has to completely subdue Tamakoma or kill every neighbour in sight. As long as they became stronger and all power vested in him nothing absolutely nothing can go wrong. He even has a faction now, which was ready to back any decision he makes. Hot-blooded and highly skilled lads whose utmost obedience to him is supposed to make things very easy for example forcing Tamakoma to hand over their extra black trigger. Expect Jin & Tamakoma is as stubborn as he is and things rarely went without a glitch.
Nevertheless, he still had his way in the end. Then why? Why...is there this feeling of loss? This emptiness grows worse day by day making his mood foul. Reminding him constantly that he is missing something and inevitably distancing himself from those who he should have by his side. The guilt of having taken away Jin's only piece of Life or almost Killing Yugo's son? In the end, he hasn't managed to be a faithful friend to both Mogami & Yugo. He has instead chosen to be the cold commander who ruled Border with an iron fist. Is it this that is eating him from inside?
Before he could answer his own thoughts his eyes wander to the 4 gifts left on his table, which he found upon his arrival in the morning. Stopping his train of thoughts, he picks up the one box in the middle carefully wrapped with a ribbon, and written on top of the box in bold but beautiful letters was "Happy Birthday Kido-san!".It takes less than a minute to guess that it is from Jin. He hasn't forgotten Jin's handwriting, despite rarely seeing it recently, and how could he when the kid had grown up writing countless files in front of him. Inside the box were numerous pictures where the memory of the old border is carefully preserved.
A gentle smile made its way towards his face, remembering and reliving those happy memories. The pictures contained those times when he could still laugh carelessly and play along with Mogami's whims & gather hugs from all his kids. Now he is far too stern and reserved, or so he tries to appear, not allowing any of these gestures.
The next gift is a bouquet of pure white tulips undoubtedly from Reiji, with a card saying, " A very Happy Birthday Kido-san, hoping for peaceful days for you." Unlike his muscular body and a rather sombre attitude, this kid has always been very gentle. Next is a package full of Kido's favourite coffee flavour sachets with a letter stating, " Hoping you never run out of your favourite coffee during your busy schedules, Kido-san !" Love Konami :). He almost lets out a laugh, Konami has never stopped being the cheerful girl she was and he hopes there never will come a day where she stops .
The final gift is larger and much heavier than the rest, but its shape gave away what it is, An instant coffee maker. The terrible packaging is a dead giveaway that Rindou & Shinoda were behind this of course! What can he do with these kids? His recent actions had surely caused a stir & disappointed this whole lot yet even on his birthday or even his worst days it is always these very kids who made him smile. They may not be physically next to him, nor always mentally in support of his ideas, but they never forgot to remind him that they still cared.
And yet every move, every act and method he chooses, will go against what they want. He knew it, right from the start-from the day he chose to leave behind Tamakoma and move on- that he would be hated. He had thought it was all worth it, even if the kids turned their backs on him. Even if they despised his every action and looked with disgust at his dirty politics, as long as history didn't repeat itself, he would be alright.
Though now after thinking it all through, it finally strikes him. What he is missing; it was them, his kids. Their reassuring smiles. Them accepting his suggestions and working out the plans to achieve them. He is tired too, of having to handle everything alone. He knew that despite everything his kids still silently support him. But that was not enough for him.
He had wished to show that he too, cared. That his actions were meant for them too as much as for the rest. That no he didn't hate them nor exactly Tamakoma & its objective (not in its entirety at least) what he hates is himself and how weak he is. However, he is unable to do as he no longer knows how to express his emotions. After having to compartmentalize, he doesn't know how to convey his feelings without crumbling, and as the pillar of Border, as the one responsible for upholding this institution he cannot show any signs of weakness. Without him noticing, this had led to a bigger gap between him & his kids. He is afraid that something will happen to them before he manages to attain his true goal. He is too afraid to lose them, like his former colleagues.
At this point he has come way too far to stop. There is no option but to see his plans through with his faction. They might face a few roadblocks, but he will never let the situation turn into what Old Border went through, after all, his obsession with complete control & power in his hands is for this very reason. He cannot let his emotions waver him from the goal in sight. Once he's done with it, a new era could begin for Medeen and then he can take time to mend his relationship with the kids. But Not Now.
With that, every trace of the past vanishes from his face & mind, locking away somewhere deep in his heart like usual. In a few disciplined moves, the gifts were carefully hidden out of sight. With his usual sombre expression he calls Kazama via the intercom and states, "Kazama, I need you to report with squads A1 & A2 to my office, it is time to discuss your next away mission." On the other end in a formal tone, Kazama replies, "Yes, Sir."
Commander Kido sits up straight with a determined look in his eyes, ready to put the final gears of his plan into action.