Work Text:
Rantaro carefully helps Shuichi out of bed.
This stupid fucking disease has really been taking a toll on his everyday life and it made Rantaro hate the world even more.
The way he had found out was purely accidental, after all. They weren’t even supposed to be friends, much less meet.
He clearly remembers the day where he decided to take a walk in the school courtyard of his high school and saw Shuichi (previously known as Saihara-san in the past), chin stained with blood, coughing furiously as if he was choking.
Rantaro is a nice person. He wouldn’t go out of his way to help everyone, per se, but he would happily do his friends favors if they asked him to. Saihara, however, was not a friend. He might as well be a stranger - they hardly had any classes together, their personalities were clearly different (with the adventurer being straightforward and social and the detective being docile and quiet), and their friend groups didn’t interact.
Though, it might have been his interest in Saihara from before that pushed the blonde even more to help him.
“Hey-!” Rantaro yelled, as he jogged over to him. “Are, are you okay?!”
Saihara immediately tensed up, not fully accepting that his secret had been found out. “Amami-kun? Y-yeah, just a little, ah, cough.”
It was a pathetic lie and both of them knew it. No sane person would believe that a bloody cough was normal, much less a little one.In fact, Rantaro was surprised that he hadn’t called an ambulance as soon as he saw him.
Rantaro had offered the boy his handkerchief and a sip of water, and Saihara, not used to the blonde yet, took them both almost suspiciously.
“Hey, don’t worry about it. I won’t ask you to pay me back or anything.” Rantaro assured him, shoving the bottle deeper into his hands. “I’m not like that at all.”
Saihara hesitated a bit, and then twisted the cap on it gratefully. The adventurer could tell that his throat was dry judging from the scratchiness of his voice when he first greeted him. The questions kept rising in his mind, one after the other, but Rantaro pushed his forwardness down.
“Do you uh, need a nurse or something?” Shuichi shook his head. “No, thank you. I was about to head off to the doctor right now, actually. They’re supposed to prescribe me some new medication. Something about stronger doses.”
Rantaro couldn’t help himself. “I’ll walk you.”
Rantaro still isn’t sure why Shuichi let him into the doctor’s room that day when he could’ve easily left him in the waiting room. Maybe he wanted someone to be with him as his doctor told him the news.
Perhaps he wanted someone to know. Something tells him he’ll never have the courage to ask.
It’s not hard to put two and two together when you’re at the doctor. Doctors are supposed to be straight with you, whether they bring you the good or bad news and it was something that Rantaro always appreciated.
Now, especially. The gist of it was that Shuichi’s old meds weren’t working as well as they should be. Take this new dose, don’t take too much, and come see me in a few weeks. The doctor had droned on for a few minutes before letting them both go.
Rantaro, although it was late, still felt the need to walk Saihara home. The adventurer watches the detective clutch the small bag of meds as it crinkles against his chest.
Neither of them had the courage to say anything.
Rantaro asks him to hang out more and more. He could see that Saihara thought he was gonna ask him about the doctor, the pills, and the coughing.
He never did though. Catching Saihara off guard, Rantaro waits until the boy is ready to tell him and waits patiently.
(Even though some days he wakes up from nightmares about something taking Saihara away.)
Rantaro is also caught off guard when Saihara mentions his health casually in their conversations. No, it’s not a sit-down ‘let’s talk about it’ kind of conversation and it happens at completely unplanned moments. Hell, he could be talking about his family and Saihara could hit him with an, oh, my uncle’s having trouble paying for his house too, because of my treatment and all.
A part of him thought he enjoyed the startled look on his face. But this was Saihara he was talking about - was it really possible that he wanted to make things awkward on purpose? That was Kokichi or Miu’s job, wasn’t it?
Even now, Rantaro feels like he can hardly understand him.
Why would you want to keep a sickness that was slowly taking you away from a secret? Why did he choose to share these things with Rantaro, whom he hardly knew?
It was stupid how much sleep he was losing over this.
“Can I call you by your first name?”
Rantaro almost choked on his juice. Yet another day of hanging out with Saihara instead of his friends and he was surprised by him again.
“I- uh, any reason why?”
“No, not really. I just wanted to know if you mind.”
Always so unpredictable. Saihara wasn’t as simple as people took him for.
“...Sure, only if I can call you Shuichi.”
It turns out his big fat mouth was just as unpredictable and stupid. Rantaro felt like slapping himself.
“Okay.” Rantaro stopped.
“What did you say…?” Shuichi had stopped eating his lunch (he never finished it anymore) and looked up at Rantaro from underneath his hat.
“I said, okay. You can call me Shuichi...Rantaro.”
So goddamn unpredictable.
They laughed a lot then.
Instead of acting like they were stepping on eggshells, they acted like friends. They started seeing each other after school to do stupid things, they went over to each other’s house, and just talked for hours on end.
They had sit-down conversations about Shuichi’s sickness (thank god ), and Rantaro was able to ask him questions. Questions about the pills, the coughing, and the goddamned blood.
“It’s worse on some days than others,” Shuichi said as he played with the straw of his milkshake. “Like, some days I hardly notice it and others I’m suddenly coughing up blood.”
He sips the frothy substance. “The doctor’s said it’s supposed to get worse over time.”
Rantaro blinks. Was that...really what they said? Shuichi noticed the surprise on his face and gave him a playful smile. “Of course, I’ve never had a day where I couldn’t get out of bed since I was diagnosed. I think we’re in the safe zone for now, ‘Taro.”
The adventurer blinks again. (Stupid. Shuichi must think he has dust in his eyes or something). He immediately realized that Shuichi was trying to comfort him and make him feel better. The thought made him feel warm.
“Yeah, and I’ll be the first one to come over when that happens.”
Rantaro waved at his friend as they walked their separate ways. As soon as he knew Shuichi was out of sight, his face immediately heated up uncontrollably as he covered it with his hands.
Taro. He called him Taro.
Good god, he knows he shouldn’t be dwelling over something as minuscule as this! Friends call each other nicknames all the time!
It was just. ‘Taro.
Rantaro knew he shouldn’t have fallen in love with a sick person, but who could blame him? He’s whipped.
Of course he managed to act casual.
A part of him just wanted to shout out all of his feelings at once, and then run away and throw himself into the dumpster.
The other part, the more logical and possibly scareder part, tells him to keep quiet. After all, a guy liking another guy romantically was just...weird. He wasn’t ready to cross that bridge yet, much less tell his friends about his secret. Besides, Shuichi has enough on his plate right now. His health has been going anywhere but up recently.
He keeps his feelings a secret.
Recently, Shuichi’s been looking tired.
He’s just a little bit late when Rantaro comes to walk him to school in the morning. When asked, he just waved him off, saying he slept in.
He sneaks off as soon as a class ends, locking himself in one of the private bathrooms until another class starts.
Hell, even Kokichi got the hint that something was wrong. Rantaro caught him asking the detective if he was feeling sick, which Shuichi waved him off with a smile.
The same one he gave Rantaro. The blonde knows those two have a special relationship (so special that some of his friends have joked that they’re dating, and maybe he refused it a little too hard), so if even the leader couldn’t get anything out of him, it was probably nothing.
Right?
After all, even he doesn’t know the details about Shuichi’s deteriorating health. Rantaro just managed to find him because he couldn’t stop himself from coughing up blood in the middle of the courtyard.
It makes him worried. It makes him just a little bit, a tiny bit, scared.
And come on, who wouldn’t be worried? Shuichi is usually so focused, so calm, and just perfect in general. Now, he looks like a small clock, winding down into nothing.
He gets irritated at Kaito for still making Shuichi train.
He gets irritated at Miu for dragging Shuichi around just to show her invention.
He gets irritated at Maki for not doing shit to figure out what’s really wrong with him.
He gets irritated at Kokichi because of his and Shuichi’s oh-so-perfect relationship.
He gets irritated at himself for being irritated because it’s not their fault. To them, Shuichi’s just having a rough week. But what happens when that week becomes a month? A year, if he even has that much time left?
(Rantaro doesn’t fail to notice how Shuichi just conveniently leaves out time limits.)
They’re acting normal because they don’t know shit. Rantaro’s the only one who knows and carrying this big, humongous secret is starting to take a toll on him and now, his friends are asking if he’s okay when they should be asking the dying one. But they don’t know shit.
Of course, being in love with his friend makes it even worse. Whenever he thinks about it, it just makes him angrier with himself with his selfishness. But he couldn’t stop thinking about the small sliver of the chance of him liking Rantaro back.
Of course, all these fantasies take place after Shuichi’s better, where there are no eyebags or tiredness, just happiness and sunshine and unicorns. Just thinking about the detective’s tired face makes him lose sleep at night.
Okay, maybe he’s actually fucking terrified of the unknown future.
Rantaro gets a call at too-fucking-early o’clock.
His open window showed just an inch of light. The annoying ringing was almost as worse as Kokichi playing pranks on everyone (him included), but he felt himself immediately relax when he saw it was Shuichi.
It then twisted in concern.
Shuichi never calls this early in the morning. He always has the decency to call at a time where Rantaro’s definitely awake, which is one of the things he loves about him. Always thinking of others, the only bad thing about it was that he didn’t fucking know if he was treated any more or less special than his other friends.
So it could only be an emergency, right? Rantaro answered the phone.
“Shuichi? What’s wrong? You okay?” His voice sounds scratchy, and he looks at the clock. It’s just past 6am. What on earth was he doing at this hour?
“Hey…’Taro.” Shuichi’s voice sounds tired, breathy. Like he can barely keep his eyes open. Rantaro’s heart beats faster.
“Are you okay, Shuichi? Is everything alright?” It takes a short time, too long to be normal, for him to answer.
“Remember how...you said that you’d be the first one over when-?”
“I’ll be right over.”
Shuichi was in pain. A lot of pain.
His face was scrunched up and his hair was sticking to his forehead with sweat. He did, however, manage to give Rantaro a small smile when he went into the room. It made the blonde wonder how Shuichi even managed to text him that the key was under his welcoming mat. At least he didn’t have to climb to the window.
Rantaro carefully helps Shuichi out of bed. This stupid fucking disease has really been taking a toll on his everyday life and it made Rantaro hate the world even more.
The detective winces from pain as he makes his way to a sitting position. If you could call it that. He was kind of slumping into his pillows so that if you took them away he’d be a ragdoll.
“Are you…Is there anything you need?” Rantaro said when the boy was successfully sitting up.
Shuichi shakes his head and sighs. He turns to the blonde and motions for him to come over. Rantaro does, and quickly sits on his bed, making sure to keep himself from sitting on the other’s legs.
“Look,” Shuichi begins and coughs a little before continuing. “Watch the sunrise with me.”
Rantaro looks. The sun was peeking a tiny bit out of the misty clouds miles away. It casts a beautiful soft orange glow, hitting the buildings around them. Shielding his eyes, he watches as the sun slowly rises from the blanket of clouds.
“God, I -” Rantaro swallows the lump in his throat. “It’s just- I don’t really wake up this early, you know? And sharing this with you, it’s… beautiful.”
“Like you, Shuichi. And I know you might think it’s weird that a guy is telling you this, but I think you’re beautiful. Because- Jesus, this is so much harder than I thought. I mean, I knew it’d be hard. I know you’re sick, and I know you won’t tell me all the details, but I just want you to know that I’ll always, always be here for you. In sickness and in health is what they say, right? It’s just… the reason I’m telling you this because I think you’re the most perfect person in the world. Because I love you, Shui-”
Rantaro looks at him, to see his reaction, to see how surprised, angry, or even disgusted he was.
He can’t help smiling. Shuichi had fallen asleep, all slumped against the pillows.
Rantaro carries him to the nearby hospital, just in case. The adventurer notices how hot his forehead really is, even through his clothing. The hospital staff seems to know him well enough to take him in while he’s not conscious.
He hopes he’s just being paranoid.
Of course, the students noticed Shuichi’s absence.
Rantaro was going to try and wait it out as long as possible, but the rest of the students seemed to get the memo - Amami Rantaro definitely knew something they didn’t.
He tried to make it seem like he was as clueless as the rest of them, but when Kokichi nagged him one too many times, he simply informed them that he had to make a short hospital trip, but he would be back soon.
He immediately regrets it though, because something seems to have clicked in all of their damn heads.
“Sounds like somebody’s got a little crush!” Kaede teases, poking his arm.
“Crush? How completely unlike you, Amami-kun.” Korekiyo says, snickering from underneath his mask.
“Though it’s completely fine to have a crush, Amami-san, I recommend that you tell him after his hospital trip. I can make you a cup of tea as we talk about your possibly unrequited feelings.” Kirumi adds, trying very hard not to smile.
“Hey!! Hey!!! Shumai wouldn’t love someone as lame as him! Because he obviously looooves me, right Mom?! Right!?”
Rantaro, despite his talent of acting casual, could not stop himself from blushing. Guess that was one less thing to worry about.
He visits Shuichi two days later. This was the first time he’d actually seen him since his ahm, failed confession for lack of a better word.
He wasn’t upset. Not at all.
If anything, he was glad that he had a chance to back out of his decision. It was fate. The time wasn’t right, so fate told him so.
Though, he wishes he at least remembered what he said. His stupid luck had managed to let him forget his perfect confession. What was it…? Something about health and sickness…? Or was it something else?
Argh! Stupid brain!
The blonde opens the door marked with 113, and opens the door to find his crush sitting in a hospital bed with a thin blanket around his knees.
Shuichi’s smile seems to light up the room. “‘Taro!”
Rantaro sends one right back at him. “Hey, Shuichi! How are you feeling?”
“Pretty tired, actually. The doctors always overreact every time I’m here, so I always lose sleep.”
“Aw, that sucks. Want me to complain for you?”
Shuichi’s face immediately becomes flustered. “N-no! Don’t bother them like that, ‘Taro!”
Adorable.
“I-uh, I also wanted to thank you for taking me here,” Shuichi says, becoming just a tad more serious. “Turns out they wanna give me more stuff to help the pain, so I won’t need you to come over anymore!”
“I didn’t mind it.” the blonde answers. Rantaro’s mouth was moving on his own again. Shuichi looks surprised. And maybe, maybe the blonde was feeling a little hopeful, but he thinks he sees a tint of red on there too.
“Honest, Shuichi. Whenever you feel like you need me, call me. No matter what the time is, no matter where I am, you’re my top priority.”
This was a little different than the time he confessed in the detective’s bedroom. Instead of looking away in embarrassment, he was looking him right in the eye to show that all he was focusing on was him.
He also didn’t feel the need to confess anymore. Instead, he just wanted to show Shuichi how much he really meant to him and how much he was willing to go to make him feel happy and comfortable.
Okay, there was no doubt about it. Shuichi’s face was bright red.
Every time he tried to open his mouth to speak, his voice would come out into the most ridiculous sputters.
Shuichi shoves his face into the covers, letting out a high squeak. Rantaro moves closer to the bed and without thinking, starts patting his head through the covers, watching every little reaction that emits through the blanket. He sits there for a few minutes, petting his soft black hair and using his fingers to untangle any knots.
Shuichi lifts half his face out of the blanket, still concealing his mouth. “T-thank you…” he mumbles, averting his gaze with the blonde.
“Yeah,” he answers, playing with the piece of hair sticking up on his head. “Anytime.”
Shuichi’s face is out of the blanket now, though his face is still crimson. The detective leans in slowly, placing a soft kiss on the adventurer’s lips.
Now it’s Rantaro’s turn to blush, which makes Shuichi freak out more and hide his face in the blanket again, shouting muffled apology after apology. Rantaro waves his hand out in front of him, trying to console him but his words mixing together too much to make sense
“N-no! Don’t be embarrassed! It- I just- I was surprised, that’s all! Honest Shuichi, don’t be upset!”
“Why didn’t you kiss me back then!?”
“Cause I was just surprised! I just didn’t know how to... react? I’m sorry Shuichi, I would have, you just caught me off guard!”
“Well, I don’t see you trying to make it up to me!”
Rantaro froze. This couldn’t be a hint, could it? No, that’s just him overthinking things. After all, there’s no way an opportunity as gold as this one actually existed, right?
It did. It definitely did.
The adventurer gently pries Shuichi’s face out of the blanket with his hands. Cupping his face, Rantaro leans in until their foreheads are touching, their noses just inches apart. The feeling of their breath on each other’s faces silences them enough for them to look at each other properly.
“You uh, sure you want me to do this?” Rantaro whispers into the dimly lit room.
Shuichi nods, with a small ‘yes’ before closing his eyes. Rantaro leans in.
Shuichi was able to come back to school in two weeks.
It would’ve been perfect - Rantaro was more than happy to spend the rest of Shuichi’s days with just the two of them. However , it turns out that with Shuichi there, there are more smirks, winks, and elbow nudges from his friends.
(And the blonde swears on his life that Kokichi gave him a dirty look.)
Soon, the teasing spreads to Shuichi, who, Rantaro is just finding out now, can’t hide shit when he’s pressed. The feeble attempt to refute them of their (correct) assumptions only makes them laugh and tease harder.
It’s official. Amami Rantaro and Saihara Shuichi are dating.
God, this was better than he ever imagined.
“There we go, baby. Let it out.” Rantaro gently rubbed circles on his boyfriend’s back as he puked and hacked drugs in the toilet.
Another round came in, and Shuichi’s head was back in the toilet. He heaved as his dry throat coughed up blood and stomach acids, eyes watering half from surprise. When his stomach was more than empty, Shuichi looked up at Rantaro, tears brimming from the pain of bringing up things that were supposed to stay down.
“I can’t- God, I can’t do this anymore baby.”
“You can. I know you can, because you are the strongest, most beautiful person I know.”
Shuichi wipes his chin with his hand, similar to the time that they first met in the courtyard. “No, no, I’m not. I’m not, Rantaro, I can’t. I thought I could, but there’s so much more pills now, and appointments, and I’m tired all the time, and-”
Rantaro pulls him in for an embrace and just holds him. He feels the detective push his face into his clothes and lets out a choked sob. Before he can start crying, the blonde pulls him out of the hug and cups his face. Ever since that day at the hospital, Rantaro always cupped his face to say ‘hey look, I’m here, so I need you to listen right now’, and it always got through to him.
“Look at me, I love you. So, so much.”
Shuichi sniffs and rubs his eyes, smiling despite his tears. “You love me?”
“Very much. You are so important to me. And, and,” suddenly, what he said in the hospital that day came back to him as if the time was right and the world was telling him to recite it now.
“You’re sick, but there is nothing else I would change in you because you are perfect. In fact, your health is probably what lets me treasure you as much as I do. I will always be here for you. In sickness and in health is what they say at weddings, and I want to marry you Shuichi. I want to be able to tell our children and our grandchildren how you kicked this sicknesses’ ass. I want them to laugh and play, as we grow old together watching them from afar,” Rataro wipes the tears from his boyfriend’s eyes.
“But in order to do all that you have to fight. Fight so hard until you can’t do it anymore, and when you can’t, I’ll be your crutch. I’ll fight for you, Shu,” The adventurer giggles. “Hey, I finally came up with a good nickname for you. Remember the day you first called me ‘Taro? My heart couldn’t stop beating whenever I saw you.”
“So okay? I love you, so whenever you feel like you can’t take it anymore, just remember that I love you.”
Shuichi promises he’ll never give up again.
“‘Taro?”
“Yes, Shuichi?” Rantaro was doing the dishes of their late meal. Putting the dishes out to dry turned out to be almost therapeutic compared to all the running around for doctor’s appointments.
“The doctor says there’s no point in continuing the treatment.”
Rantaro drops the mug he was washing on the floor and watches as it shatters into pieces.
“What-? But Shuichi, I-”
How? It had hardly been 5 months since they met and 3 since they started dating. How could it be, that only 4 weeks after he promised to marry him that the doctor was telling him that even trying was pointless? Rantaro notices that Shuichi is still talking, now in front of him, probably worried about the glass.
“It’s okay, I got it,” Rantaro answers in a monotone voice. He hopes it’s the right thing to answer. He doesn’t even know if Shuichi is watching him pick up the glass or if he went back to his bedroom.
Ah. It seems his carelessness made him get cut. He watches as the blood runs down his finger, a single reminder of the blood the detective tries to cough up quietly each morning when he spends the night.
Shuichi is in front of him now, shouting out if he’s...what? Oh, he’s asking if he’s okay. Why is he being so dramatic over a single cut when he has to deal with blood almost every day? When he’s going to…
To what? Die?
Is that what doctors giving up on you means?
Rantaro wakes up in Shuichi’s bed. His boyfriend seems to be watching him from the foot of the bed.
“You were in shock.” the detective says, playing with his hands. “I brought you to bed and you kinda just… stared at me. I think you fell asleep about half an hour ago.”
Rantaro sits up and rubs his eyes groggily. Has it really been only half an hour? It feels like it’s been a day.
“I’m sorry. Did I scare you?”
“No, not really. You just looked really tired, so I brought you to bed.” Shuichi bites his nail. “But you look okay now, so... I should make you some tea or something.” He gets up from the bed, but before he could stand, Rantaro already has his sleeve and pulls him back down.
“I’m sorry but I just want to… Can I hold you?” Rantaro pleads, almost begs, as his voice cracks. Shuichi hesitates before nodding slowly, still not looking his boyfriend in the eye.
He holds him. He holds him for a long time.
Rantaro knows he’s supposed to man up and talk about it, being the plan on what to do now.
He can’t bring himself to, however. Shuichi doesn’t push either, he’s not the type to. So, instead, they tiptoe around each other, acting like things are normal when they aren’t. He just can’t look at Shuichi without feeling like he’s going to burst into tears. Hell, walking him to school makes his heart feel like it’s going to burst.
Why? Why Shuichi? What did Shuichi ever do to deserve such a harsh punishment?
It’s stupid. It’s so stupid how he was looking for the reason he was sick when he should be enjoying the time he had left with him.
(Time. That word makes him shudder now)
And what about the others? Would they live forever in bliss, never knowing how much pain the detective had to put up with? What if they found out eventually, what would they do then? Commit mass suicide? Riot?
But he would already be dead. There would be no point in anything anymore.
He was the one person he didn't want to lose.
It’s too late. Shuichi might as well be dead.
“‘Taro?”
Has it really been two weeks since Shuichi entered the blonde’s home? Rantaro didn’t answer. He didn’t want his voice to crack if he did. “Rantaro?”
He blatantly ignores him on purpose. He goes back to writing in his notebook, an English assignment that had snuck up on him in the chaos.
The blonde didn’t want anything to do with the detective right now. He didn’t even know why Shuichi was in his house until he remembered he’d given him his own key.
“Rantaro!”
The adventurer’s hand stops, the pen gathering ink into a small puddle. Ruined. His now perfect assignment was ruined.
“You don’t have to yell at me.”
“You’re not answering me, so I yelled.”
Rantaro sighed, smudging the ink into a smear. No point in starting over. “What do you want, then?”
He hears Shuichi cough, a dry one that tells the other he hasn’t been drinking enough water. The blonde always used to remind him since the detective never felt up to it, so there would always be a lot of bargaining.
But recently Rantaro hadn’t remembered either. Guess because it was the doctor that told him, but now that Shuichi’s going to die, there’s no point in listening anymore, right? Rantaro feels his blood boiling.
“I want to talk about this. I need your help right now.” Rantaro lets out a bitter laugh.
“Ask the doctor then,” he says as he gets up. He feels Shuichi’s grasp onto his sleeve.
“Rantaro…” he whispers, pleading. “Please, look at me.”
The blonde listens, for the first time in a while because that’s what good partners are supposed to do, right? And for the first time in a very long time, he-
No, that’s wrong.
Rantaro realizes that ever since they started dating, ever since they met, he has been avoiding looking at Shuichi’s face. Sure, in his eyes, but never his full face. He only focuses on his nose, or his lips, but never all of him.
Because Rantaro was scared. Scared of seeing Shuichi deteriorate, scared of seeing the fat slowly melt off his face.
So he looks. He takes in the tired eye bags, the sunken cheeks. His cracked lips, and his eyes that lost all their sparkle. He takes his full face in and cracks.
This was Saihara Shuichi.
This is the beauty and pain he’d refused to look at all this time.
“Feeling better?” Shuichi whispers, stroking his boyfriend’s hair.
Rantaro was laying on his side, his head on Shuichi’s lap as he sits cross-legged on the couch. He nods, rubbing his swollen eyes again, only for the detective to wave them away. Grumbling slightly, he settles for pressing his sore eyes against his pant leg.
He may have lost it a bit.
Maybe they would talk about the plan tomorrow when Rantaro was feeling a bit braver and his eyes weren’t so puffy.
“So...you’re still not gonna tell them?”
Shuichi shook his head, almost happily. “Nope. They don’t need to know.”
“You know, it’s creepy when you say that looking so happy.”
“Sorry. I’m just happy that you’re walking me to school again.”
It was true. He’d stopped calling him over and hanging out with him in general ever since he told him the news.
“So it’s just me knowing?”
“Just you.”
Shuichi decided that he was going to throw out all the pills.
I just want to enjoy the rest of my life to the fullest.
Rantaro tried to make him reconsider, but the detective was set on his decision.
You said yourself that if the doctor says there’s no point, then there’s no point.
No attempts to look for a priest, no attempts to look for a different doctor. Rantaro wants to call it giving up, but he can’t bring himself to.
On one of the days, Shuichi stays home from school (it’s been happening more frequently lately) he calls Rantaro into the room.
“It’s not good to skip class when you don’t need to.” the detective says, frowning a little.
Rantaro wipes excess dishwater on his shirt and smiles. “I promised I would leave my bride alone.”
Shuichi’s face immediately turns red. “B-bride!?”
The blonde smirks. It’s so easy to get a reaction out of him sometimes. “Yup. We could have a mock wedding right now.”
Just in case you die.
“W-wedding?!” he squeaked.
“Alright, a wedding it is! Let me just fold the laundry and you get ready, okay?” the blonde says over his shoulder.
A whimper was all he heard as he closed the door behind him.
Rantaro wasn’t actually expecting Shuichi to ‘get ready’.
After all, the reason he spent the day at home on a school day was because the room was spinning every time he got to his feet. The blonde was more than happy to marry his boyfriend in an old oversized t-shirt and shorts. That’s what he got.
What he wasn’t expecting was the white heavy curtain Shuichi had put over his head. The detective had probably gotten it from his closet, as it was the closest accessible storage room that he could reach without pushing himself too hard.
He was sitting in the middle of the wood floor on his knees, adjusting the fabric self consciously with his slender fingers in an attempt to hide his face more. The curtain was slightly transparent, so the shorter’s boys amber eyes peeked through the fabric, staring at Rantaro shyly.
“Oh, Shu…” was all he could whisper as he sat on his knees in front of his lovely ‘bride’.
Shuichi looked away, the fabric shifting slightly. “I uhm, I can take it off if you want,” he said quietly. “I just thought it’d be nice.”
“No, no baby, it’s just, God, you’re beautiful.” Rantaro felt breathless. “At least until the vows are done.”
Rantaro presses his forehead onto the other’s, feeling the warmth of a slight fever. Better get this done. “Do you want to go first?”
“No, no, you go. I’d be too shy.”
“Alright, then.” Rantaro pretended to hold an imaginary mic and looked at the detective.“Shuichi, I’m going to keep this short because I know you don’t feel so well.”
Shuichi interrupted with a giggle. “You aren’t supposed to say that at weddings.”
“Hush, Shuichi.” Rantaro cleared his throat. “Shuichi, I love you so much. You’re my first love and now, I can’t imagine a life without you. You’ve spoiled me so much over these last few months even though I’m supposed to be taking care of you,” Rantaro stifles a laugh. “And your cute when you drool in your sleep too!”
Rantaro can see the redness from underneath the curtain. He fakes a cough and finishes up his vow. “Anyway, I want to say that no matter what, I will love you. I will always love you, and that will never, ever change.”
The blonde looks up at the detective to see his expression. Shuichi’s eyes are quite moist and has to blink a lot to keep the tears in. Rantaro softly smiles at him as he hands the ‘mic’ over to his bride.
“Wow, um okay. I don’t know how I can top that, Rantaro, but I’m gonna try anyway.” Shuichi takes a deep breath, holding it a little before letting it out. “Rantaro, you are also my first love. I want to stay by your side forever, but...well, you know.”
Rantaro inwardly cringes. He wants to interrupt, but this was Shuichi’s vow. Not his.
“And, I know I’ve thanked you before, but I just-” the detective’s voice cracks, needing to take a few seconds before continuing. “I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you for always being there for me ‘Taro, and coming over every day even in the rain. It was selfish of me to bring you into this, but I find it even more selfish thinking that if I could change the past, I wouldn’t want to change a thing.”
“Because I wanted to meet you. I want you to cook for me and just be around so I have the choice to talk to you. And it’s selfish but…” Shuichi’s eyes are moist again. He still looks Rantaro in the eye.
“I think about dying all the time. I think about being without you and the pain just hurts. So, I like the idea of watching over you. And I want you to know that if you ever- ” his tears stream down his face. “If you ever decide that you love someone else, I will never, ever be mad at you. So please-”
Shuichi puts his face into his hands, crying through the curtain. “ Please baby, just do whatever it takes to make you happy. I’m sorry for ruining the wedding, I just-”
“Can I kiss you ‘Taro? Please…?”
Rantaro nods, his vision blurry with the affection of raw words cutting through him.
The adventurer takes him that night, their first and only love session. Another secret to bury.
When Shuichi can’t go to school anymore, you better believe Rantaro stays with him.
Helping him out of bed, forcing food down his throat only for it to come up bloodstained an hour later. Rubbing his back as he coughs into a handkerchief because he can’t even find the energy to drag himself to the bathroom. Turning up the heat or a fan to keep him comfortable and holding him throughout the night.
Shuichi loses more weight and sleeps most of the day now. Rantaro keeps himself busy. He pretends to be the detective on his phone, answering the texts from everyone (mostly Kokichi) as well as keeping them away from the boy’s home. If Shuichi want’s it to be kept a secret, Rantaro will take it to the grave.
Rantaro holds most of the conversations as Shuichi can barely keep his eyes open anymore. He tells him he loves him almost any time he can. The detective never answers anymore, him smiling back is the only proof needs that he hears him.
Just in case Just in case Just in case
Rantaro knows it’s time when he feels how calm Shuichi is in the wee hours of the morning.
The adventurer just happens to wake up and sees his perfect bride sitting up on his own without assistance, watching the sunrise, blood staining his clothes and chin. He feels a lump in his throat.
Rantaro knows what’s coming.
So, to help him along, the adventurer sits up as well, hugging the detective against his chest, and begins to speak softly, to not hurt his ears. First, he tries assuring him that he’ll be fine and that they’ll both be fine. He’ll take care of the rest - the people, and the funeral, so he can go whenever he wants.
When that doesn’t work, he tells him stories. Fairytales and such, things that his sisters’ would always enjoy if he told them.
Finally, Rantaro starts telling him the plans that he made for the future - how he was going to take Shuichi traveling when he got better. A boat though, since the adventurer easily gets sick in cars, he tells him.
First, they would sail down to Korea and then Russia. Then Finland and Sweden and Norway, taking souvenirs along the way because, in this story, they could travel all they want without worrying about income. He tells Shuichi about how warm some countries are and how chilly others get, because he already did research for the both of them while he rested.
He tells Shuichi about the beautiful diamond wedding ring he was going to buy him, mixed with small sapphires to match his hair. He talks about their kids, their jobs, their house, while Shuichi breathes, in short, even breaths. He talks and talks in his one-sided conversation, hiding the grief he already feels.
“It’s okay,” Rantaro whispers. “You’re okay.”
The warm breath on Rantaro’s shirt slowly disintegrates into nothing. Immediately, the blonde’s eyes pool over and he hugs the detective closer, feeling his hair and undoing the knots. He breathes in the smell of Shuichi’s shampoo one last time.
Outside, the sun rises up over the buildings, casting a soft, orange glow around them.