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Christmas break was rough.
Simon spent a lot of it thinking over he and Wilhelm’s last conversation. He couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that he confessed that he loved him.
When he told Ayub, his best friend went wild.
“He told you he loved you?” he gasped.
“Yeah…” Simon trailed off.
“Simon, I’m sorry.” Ayub pulled him into a side hug, rubbing his arm. “How are you taking it?”
“I think I’ve just...become numb to everything that’s happening.”
And now school has started again. Nobody has forgotten the video, and he doesn’t blame them—they all knew it was him and Wilhelm in that video. They all knew that it was his room, they had seen him and Wilhelm walking around together and hanging out before the video went viral.
Simon doesn’t miss the stares that he gets, the whispers he hears as he walks by. Now on top of being the socialist non-res, he is the Prince’s ex...whatever.
It was never official anyway.
Still, Simon is doing better since the outing. His friends have been helping a lot, and Sarah has been letting him rant about the others that he hears talking behind his back. Everything is getting better.
It doesn’t seem to be the same for Wilhelm.
He hasn’t talked to him since winter break, but he has seen him around the school. They have a class together as well. In all the places he sees him, he doesn’t seem to be paying attention. Even if he is talking to someone, he looks like he is somewhere else mentally.
Simon noticed that he hasn’t talked to August either. Simon half-thought that when he called it off, that Wille would go back to August just to be around someone familiar.
But he hasn’t. The only people that he sees really trying to talk to him are Felice and some other upperclassmen.
Another thing that he has noticed is that Wilhelm hasn’t smiled.
The only times he thinks he has smiled is when he is having his photo taken, and even then you can see that it’s forced. The moment that the camera drops, the smile is gone, and he goes back to what he is thinking about.
Simon wonders if everything that has happened has finally taken a toll on him.
He tried not to pay attention too much though. It hurt too much, the fact that he hasn’t made any attempts to talk to Simon. But he can’t exactly blame him for that—Simon did draw a hard line, breaking his heart even more. But Simon had to take care of himself as well. He can’t do something that he knows will destroy him in the end.
The only time that it was brought to his attention how bad he was getting was when Felicie caught him in the hallway.
“Hey, Simon!” he heard a voice call. He turned around and saw Felice walking towards him, leaving her friends behind at the stairs.
“Hi,” he said, slightly confused.
“How have you been?” She fell in step with Simon, following him down the hallway towards the doors.
“I’ve been good. And you?”
“Good…” She took a breath. “Listen, I know you’ve probably been asked this a lot, but have you talked to Wilhelm lately?”
Simon sighed. Oddly enough, he hasn’t been asked about it, but being asked is still annoying. He doesn’t think she’s coming from a bad place though. If Sarah gets along with her, she can’t be that bad of a person.
“No, I haven’t. We haven’t talked since Christmas break.”
Felice went silent, though she still walked with him. It was about a minute of silence before Simon spoke up. “Why?”
“I’m just… worried about him,” she mumbled. “He doesn’t seem to be socializing with anyone recently. I’ve tried to get him to come hang out with us, but anytime that I ask him, he just brushes me off, claiming that he is tired or has to study.”
That’s...a little weird. Simon stops and turns towards Felice.
“What would I know about that?”
“I didn’t know if you guys had been in a fight or something. But, uh, seeing that you haven’t talked since Christmas, I’m thinking it’s something else.”
“Maybe he really is busy,” Simon shrugged. “You know, being the Crown Prince and all.”
“Yes, but even after Erik died, he would hang out with people. He was even more open to talking to me and my friends.” Felice let out a sigh, shaking her head. “Now, he’s like… a shell of what he used to be.”
Simon didn’t know what to say. He was worried, he really was, but Simon couldn’t do anything. He doesn’t want to reach out to Wilhelm just yet. He wants him to talk to him first, letting him figure everything out himself.
“I don’t think I’m very much help,” Simon finally says. “Sorry.”
“It’s okay, Simon. Really.” She quickly pulled him into a hug before shooting him a quick smile. “Thanks for your help. Tell Sarah I say hi!”
“I will!” he calls as she walks away.
Simon was sitting in bed, doing some of his homework, when his phone lit up with a text. He glanced over at it really quick, thinking it was just Ayub wanting to play some games, but froze when he saw the name.
WILHELM: If anyone gives you any trouble, let me know.
Simon stared in shock. It’s been a week since Felice has talked to him, and no one has been bothering him more than they usually do.
Wilhelm knows that people at school give him a hard time, but he hasn’t really done anything. The one thing Simon knows is he stopped August’s friends from blaming the drugs on Simon.
Simon stared at the message a bit longer before picking it up.
SIMON: What do you mean?
He saw the three dots appear on the screen, before they disappeared. He waited for two minutes, but nothing. Wilhelm had left him on read.
Simon groaned and tossed his phone. Leave it to Wilhelm to be vague and mysterious, instead of explaining what he is thinking.
Maybe it’s the princely way.
Two hours later, his phone starts ringing. He just finished dinner with his mom and sister and was taking a break from his work. He looked over at it and saw Ayub’s name flashing on his phone.
“Have you seen the news?” was what he said as he answered.
“No? Should I?”
“Yes! Look! Right now!” Ayub yelled. Simon flinched and rolled his eyes.
“Okay, jeez. Is everything okay?”
“That depends entirely on your reaction.”
Simon put his phone on speaker and pulled up his news app.
He almost dropped his phone at what he saw
BREAKING NEWS: Crown Prince Wilhelm confirms rumors! “I wasn’t ready then, but I am now”
“Simme?” Ayub calls.
“I—when did he do this?” Simon whispered. He was afraid that if he spoke any louder, that maybe he would wake up. Because there was no way that this was real.
“Just an hour or two ago. He posted a video on his Instagram.” Simon saw the video. It was linked in the article that he read. He quickly hit play, hands shaking as he did.
“ Hello everyone. This is Prince Wilhelm. I am… unsure how to format this video. There is no script, no preparation, so forgive me if this is not the professional video you are used to seeing”
“I am making this video today to… confirm the rumors. The video that was posted online months ago, that was me in the video. When it was leaked, it was known that it was against my will. I did not know the video had been taken, nor did I want it posted. Due to this, I was not ready to come out to the world. I had barely come out to myself, and to have something so… personally, so sensitive, taken away from me… I couldn’t handle it.”
“I wasn’t ready then, but I am now. I am here today to let you all know that I am gay. What I said before wasn’t wrong—I fully support those in the LGBT community, and I am proud to be a part of it.”
“I want no harassment to come to my partner in the video. He was not ready for the world to know his name and face, and I do not want his name blasted all over once again. Please respect his family’s privacy, and mine. Thank you”
The video ended there.
“Simon?” Ayub asked. Simon realized he had been silent for a while.
“I can’t believe he actually came out.”
“He must’ve thought about what you said,” Ayub supplied. “I mean, from what you told me, he really was doing nothing but thinking. He probably reached a decision.”
Simon laid down, holding his phone to his chest. He stared at the ceiling, trying to calm his beating heart and process what he just saw.
“Ayub, I’m gonna have to call you back,” he said. He barely gave him a chance to say goodbye before he hung up and pulled up his text messages.
SIMON: Are you okay?
When his mom checked up on him, having heard the news, Wilhelm still hadn’t answered.
She held Simon as he shook, trying not to cry. He didn’t know what to feel. He was happy Wilhelm figured himself out, but he doesn’t know if his mom will still allow him to see Simon.
Will his mom still let him go to school there? Did she know he was going to do this? Will she make sure there is a royal order that keeps Simon away from him?
“I don’t think she would use a royal order that does that, Simme,” his mom tried comforting him when he voiced his worries aloud.
“But she still has the power to keep me away!” He covered his face with his hands, breathing slowly. “If Wilhelm does want to see me still, she would be the one thing in the way. I mean, Wilhelm’s bodyguards have to listen to her above him.”
“It will be okay, sweetie.” She placed a kiss on his head and pulled him back into her arms. “It will work out the way it’s supposed to. Right now, I think you should get some rest before tomorrow.”
Simon reluctantly agreed. He knew he wanted to talk to Wilhelm tomorrow, at least see what is going on. If he’s okay, because at this point, he hasn’t responded yet.
Simon tried to not worry as he went to bed. He would see Wilhelm tomorrow, after all.
Except he didn’t.
Wilhelm wasn’t at school that day. Or the next. Or the day after that.
Everyone was talking about the video, wondering if he was pulled out of the school.
Rumors were spreading, some even saying he ran away. Simon knew that one couldn’t be true—how could the Crown Prince even run away? Someone would find him.
But the thing is, no one has heard from Wilhelm. Felice and he talked the day after the video was posted, and she had said she tried reaching out but hadn’t gotten a response either.
It wasn’t until two weeks later that he got a response, right as he was on the bus.
WILHELM: Can I see you?
SIMON: Yes!
Simon didn’t care if that was too obvious. He hadn’t talked to Wilhelm and honestly, he was worried.
When he stepped off the bus, he saw Wilhelm standing next to a black car, Milan standing next to him. He seemed to be lost in a train of thought.
“What’s Wilhelm doing here?” Sara asked. Simon let out a deep sigh.
“He wanted to talk to me.” Sara went to ask another question, most likely along the lines of ‘where has he been?’ or ‘why does he want to talk to you now?’, but Simon stopped her. “You can go inside. I’ll be inside in a bit.”
She looked like she wanted to do anything but that, but after Simon shot her an insistent look, she made her way inside.
Simon started walking over to Wilhelm, who at this point, noticed that he and Sara had made it home and was waiting for him.
“Hey,” Simon said as he got close enough.
“Hi,” Wilhelm responded. “How are you?”
“I’m good,” Simon smiled. “How about you?”
“I’m okay.” The duo fell into silence. Malin stepped away from them, most likely wanting to give them space to talk.
Wilhelm wasn’t looking at Simon either. He was putting all his attention towards the ground, drawing shapes into the snow that was just starting to melt away. Simon looked up at the trees, not wanting to break the silence, but feeling just as awkward as Wilhelm was.
“Has anyone been bothering you?” Wilhelm finally spoke, keeping his eyes on the ground.
“At school?”
“No, no.” Now he looks up, though a far away look in his eyes. “I mean, here? Or, anywhere I guess. Any journalists or anything?”
“Oh, no! No, no one so far.” Wilhelm gave a small nod, looking behind him where Malin was standing.
“How is Sara?”
“She—she’s good.” Finally, Wilhelm looked up at Simon.
He looked tired. He doesn’t know how he didn’t notice it just minutes before, but now he can see the bags under his eyes. His hair looks unwashed too.
Suddenly, Felice’s worry made much more sense.
“I, uh,” Wilhelm turned his body back towards the car, nervously biting his lip. “I should get going.”
“Wait, you’re leaving?” Wilhelm turned back towards him, a confused look on his face.
“Yes?”
“So you just come here, ask me what’s up, then what? Go back to the castle?” Simon was a little peeved. He doesn’t know what he expected with Wilhelm coming over, but he thought that they were going to talk just a bit more.
Wilhelm looked down again , a small blush covering his cheeks.
“I just…” Simon watches Wilhelm mull over his words. “I just needed to check up on you.”
And for a split second, Simon saw the boy he fell in love with. The boy who talked to him when everyone around him wanted Wilhelm to avoid him. The boy who hid from his friends at a party so that he could talk to Simon just a little bit more. The boy who held his hand during the movie, who stopped him running away when he was scared. The boy that snuck out to watch Rosh’s football game with him. The boy who called him when he was in distress.
Wilhelm had his faults, things that have made Simon second guess their relationship. Going back and forth between being with him and not, wanting to hide their relationship. But for a moment, just this moment, he would set that aside.
Because he could see the pain in his eyes. He could see he was exhausted, see the weight that the world is putting on him. And Simon thinks that just for a moment, he can relieve the pressure.
“Why don’t you stay?” Simon asks, low and nervous. “I’ve missed you.” Rosh would slap him if she saw him, would scold him for going back to Wilhelm when Wilhelm had hurt him. But Wilhelm put himself on view for the world to see, exposed the part of him that he was told to hide. The least Simon could do is show himself to Wilhelm.
Wilhelm stares at Simon, shock and doubt filling his gaze. He almost wanted to laugh—it reminded him of when they first kissed.
“I don’t want to bother you,” he finally answered, coming back from his shock.
“You’re not bothering me.”
Wilhelm shifted nervously, quickly glancing back at Malin.
“I was just supposed to come and make sure you were okay.”
“You did. But I don’t think anyone’s checked on you.”
“What?” Simon smiled, taking a small step closer. Wilhelm watched him closely, seemingly frozen where he stood.
“How are you doing, Wille?” Another step closer. They were close enough that Simon could reach out and grab his hand. Wilhelm looked scared, as if Simon asked when the world was going to end, as if Wilhelm had that answer.
“I—I’m okay,” he mumbled. For Wilhelm, Simon is sure that it feels like the world ended months ago.
Simon reached forward and grabbed WIlhelm’s hands. He felt Wilhelm’s intense gaze as he looked down at their hands, where he gently rubbed his knuckles. Simon relished in the squeeze he gets in return.
When Simon looks up, he sees tears filling Wilhelm’s eyes, a clench in his jaw.
“I—Simon, I—” he choked, trying to take breaths to calm himself down. Simon felt his hand jerk, as if he was trying to pull it away.
Simon pulled him forward, holding him close. Wilhelm hid his head in Simon’s shoulder, wrapping his arms tightly around Simon’s waist.
“I’m here, Wille,” Simon whispered, squeezing Wilhelm tight.
That seemed to be the breaking point.
Wilhelm let out a shattered sob, breathing wildly in an attempt to catch some air.
“I-I’m so sorry, Simon,” he gasped. “I-I was so self-selfish! And, and I didn’t think. I just, I wanted—”
“Wille, breathe,” Simon whispered. He was shaking in his arms, arms tightly squeezing his midsection, as if he was afraid Simon would slip away.
Wilhelm just shook his head. “I lost you, and-and I hurt you. I can’t-I should’ve closed my blinds. I could’ve said no-no to my-y mom, but I didn’t. And I lost you!” He let out another sob, borderline hyperventilating now. “I lost you, and-and Erik, and I can’t—I don’t want that, Si. I don’t want to be alone.”
Simon held Wilhelm tighter, one hand tangled in his hair and the other rubbing his back, trying anything he could to ground him. Listening to Wilhelm’s words, things that he is sure he hasn’t said to anyone, it breaks his heart. He is blaming himself for things that were out of his control, as if he personally gave the person permission to film their most intimate moment.
“I need you to breathe with me, okay? Breathe in—” Wilhelm takes a shaky breath, but immediately lets it out in a sob. “Hold it. You can do it. In, hold… Good.”
They repeated this pattern until Wilhelm calmed down. He kept Simon close to him and Simon didn’t mind. He didn’t want to let him go anything soon, now that he’s in his arms.
“I’m sorry,” Wilhelm whispered after a few minutes of silence.
“We’ve been through a lot, Wille. It’s okay to be overwhelmed.” SImon tried to pull back so that he could look at Wilhelm, but his arms tightened, so Simon stayed right where he was.
“I don’t want you to feel like you have to be with me now that I’m out.”
“You can’t force me to do anything,” Simon laughed. Wilhelm just shook his head.
“No, I just—” He finally lifted his head up, and Simon’s heart broke as he started slipping away. Simon grabbed his elbows, stopping him from moving too far. “I can leave you alone,” he whispered, staring at his feet. “I-I don’t expect anything. I didn’t want you to feel bad, so…”
“What do you mean?” Simon tried to keep the fear out of his voice.
“I’m not expecting you to stay with me. You made your wishes known—”
“I didn’t want to be a secret, but I don’t want to leave you alone.”
“I’m not alone,” Wilhelm confidently says, as if he did not have a breakdown about feeling lonely, about losing Simon and his brother.
“Wilhelm Felice told me that you haven’t been hanging out with anyone. You’ve just been going to class, no where else.”
“You don’t need to worry—”
“But I do!” He interrupted. Wilhelm looked away from him, biting his lip. Simon pushed forward. “Wille, look at me.”
Slowly, Wilhelm looked at Simon. Simon slid his hands down his arm, gently squeezing his hands.
“What do you want? Don’t think about what you think I want. Just tell me what you want.”
They held eye contact, Wilhelm nervously shifting as Simon waited.
He doubted that many people asked what Wilhelm wanted, especially since the video—hell, since Erik passed away. Simon knew what he wanted, but he needed to know what Wilhelm wanted. If they were on the same page.
Wilhelm squeezed Simon’s hands, taking a small forward. They were close enough that their noises were almost touching. Simon saw tears forming in Wilhelm’s eyes again, though they did not fall.
“I want you,” he whispers. “But I’m afraid I can’t have you.”
“I want you too. I just don’t want to be a secret.” Wilhelm pressed his forehead against Simon’s. Simon reached his hand up, gently holding Wilhelm’s face. He could feel his breath on his face, and it was as if all the chaos in the past few months had never happened.
“It’s… going to be a lot. Everyone will watch you, judge your every move. My mom won’t be too happy about it.”
And that was something Simon was worried about. He knew that people would become more judgmental of him, they would obviously be upset that Simon was biracial, and he was sure his political views would be brought up constantly.
But he wouldn’t be alone. He would have Wilhelm by his side, there for him when it got too much. He would be there for WIlhelm, reminding him that he is human, that he doesn’t have to be this puppet for everyone in his life. He is his own person that can make his own decisions.
“As long as you’re there,” Simon whispered.
Slowly, Simon tilted his head up, just a centimeter away from Wilhelm’s lips. Wilhelm glances at his lips, nervousness in his eyes, but something else as well.
Wilhelm pushes forward. He quickly pulls back as soon as their lips touch, but Simon chases him and slams their lips together.
Wilhelm groans and pulls Simon closer to him, where they are flushed together. Simon has his arms wrapped around his neck.
It was as if all the emotion of the past few weeks were put into this kiss—the stress, the pain they felt when they were apart, the love they felt for each other. Simon could feel tears fall down Wilhelm’s cheeks, could taste the saltiness on his lips.
When they pulled back, Simon felt so much joy. He looked up at Wilhelm, a wide smile on his face.
Despite tears being on his face, Wilhelm mirrored his smile. He was glowing, and Simon couldn’t be happier. He never wanted that smile to leave Wilhelm’s face.
“We’re in this together,” Simon mumbled. Wilhelm laughed, shaking his head in disbelief, before pulling Simon into another kiss.
Yeah, they would be okay.