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Billy sighed to himself as he climbed the stairs. Half the reason they’d chosen this apartment was the old-fashioned cage elevator running through the centre of the building, but it rarely worked. He and Teddy had been living here for two years now and the longest it had gone without breaking down was three weeks. And of course Teddy had wanted the fifth floor apartment instead of the first floor one. Stupid sensitive boyfriend and his artists soul wanting views of the city over easy access.
By the time Billy had gotten inside his front door he had a rather impressive scowl on his face and an internal rant ready to go in the hopes that aforementioned boyfriend would be abashed enough to give him a back rub. In the bath. However all thoughts of guilt-tripped said boyfriend disappeared when he caught sight of Teddy’s face. He looked miserable.
“What’s wrong?”, Billy asked and Teddy fidgeted.
“Sit down Bee. I need to tell you something.”
Swallowing down the irrational panic that Teddy was leaving him, had found someone better, Billy sat down on the chair opposite Teddy.
“What’s up?”
“You know how Kate left her purse here last night? And she hates not having her stuff with her? Well this morning I decided to run it over to her on the way to work. And I didn’t need her to buzz me in because the neighbour that Tommy thinks is a serial killer was leaving just as I got there so I just went on up to her floor and....”
“Breathe Tee, breathe!” Billy interrupted as Teddy’s sentences started to run together and his voice sped up. Teddy took a deep breath – more like a gulp of air – and smiled at Billy before continuing.
“OK. So anyway. I got to her floor and her apartment door was opened so I just went in, you know the way we normally do when we go round? Only I really, really should have because she. They. On the couch” Teddy stuttered before blurting out in a rush “I saw something I definitely wasn’t supposed to!”
Billy started laughing. “Oh my god Tee! Don’t tell me you saw Tommy naked? You poor thing! No wonder you look mentally scarred.”
Except Teddy wasn’t laughing. “It wasn’t Tommy”, he whispered looking at Billy.
Billy blinked for a few seconds before Teddy’s words sunk in. “Who was it?” he asked, his voice dangerously low. He felt a surge of anger and pushed it back down, knowing he had to keep a lid on his feelings. This wasn’t about him.
“Billy, I don’t think that...”
“Yes it matters Tee. I want to know who on earth my best friend is cheating on my brother with. I think that I should know.”
“It was Noh-Varr”, Teddy said, and all hell broke loose.
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“Noh-Var?!” Billy screamed as he pushed his way into Kate’s apartment.
“No, I’m Kate. But I can see how you’re easily confused” Kate said as she closed the door and walked through to her living room where Billy was now stood scowling at her.
“Hello? Earth to Kaplan? Billy, what’s wrong? You’re just glaring”, Kate said, waving her hands in front of his face and the concern in her face made Billy even anger ramp back up.
“Don’t play dumb with me Kate. I thought you were my best friend.”
“I am. At least I thought I was. What’s wrong? What are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about you sleeping around behind my brothers back!” Billy shouted and felt vindicated at the look of surprise on her face. But then her features shut down and a scowl of her own appeared.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about”, she said and Billy almost shuddered at the coldness in her tone. “I think you better leave.”
“Oh I have no desire to stay, believe me. You’re not the person I thought you were Kate. Tommy loves you. With all of his heart. And I thought you loved him back, until I found out that you were cheating on him. With your ex-boyfriend no less!”
“You don’t know anything Kaplan” Kate said, fists clenched at her side and the fury just underneath her skin.
Billy scoffed. “Oh don’t play dumb with me. Teddy saw you. Unless you want to try and say that Teddy is lying to me?”
“Teddy doesn’t know what he saw.”
“Right. Noh-Varr was just helping you move some furniture and you just tripped and fell over. And your clothes somehow fell off at the same time?”
“GET OUT! NOW!” Kate screamed, but Billy was already sick of this conversation.
“I’m going. And I’m calling Tommy first thing tomorrow morning so I suggest you tell him before then. If you have any shred of decency left in your body that is”, and with that he stomped out of her apartment.
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Back at home Billy couldn’t settle. He couldn’t believe it. He felt as betrayed as he imagined Tommy would feel when he found out. Billy had long been routing for the two of them to get together. And no one was happier when they finally did. (Teddy argued that the two in question probably were, but Billy honestly thought that Kate seemed more resigned to her fate than anything.) Tommy had been in love with Kate for so long and Kate had always liked him, but held back out of some intangible fear that had seemingly been resolved.
The two of them had been so happy. They were talking about moving in together – Tommy already slept at her place six nights out of seven and mainly used his own studio apartment as a storage unit more than actual accommodation. They had been over at Teddy and Billy’s the previous night for dinner, and for all that Tommy moaned about domesticity and settling down they had both seemed happy with each other. How could that be so wrong?
And how could she hurt Tommy like that? Billy might not have grown up with Tommy, but that didn’t stop them from being brothers. Tommy was his twin and while Billy had known Kate longer he would always choose his brother first.
Billy paced up and down the living room and debated with himself over whether or not to call Tommy. He’d told Kate he’d give her ‘til morning before speaking to him, because he believed that the news would be better coming from Kate directly rather than Billy or Teddy. But Billy didn’t know how Tommy would feel if he knew that Billy had known and not told him. Billy wanted to ask Teddy’s advice but he was already gone when Billy had returned from Kate’s, leaving just a note saying that he’d gone out flying to clear his head.
Billy’s worry-fit was interrupted by a knock at the door. A glance at the clock showed it was 11pm and an unlikely time for casual visitors. He opened the door and was unsurprised to find Tommy on his doorstep.
“Hey bro. Can I come in?” Tommy said, right hand coming up in a little wave while his left one ran through his hair.
“Sure”, Billy replied, stepping aside to let Tommy though the entrance way and then sliding the door closed behind him as he wondered if they had any beer left. This didn’t seem like a sober conversation.
“So, um. Kate said you dropped by earlier.”
“Yeah? Did she say why?”
“Look, what Teddy saw. It’s not what you think.”
Billy sighed. It wasn’t all that surprising to be honest. Tommy was head-over-heels for Kate and Billy wouldn’t believe anyone who told him that Teddy was cheating on him. It made him angry though that Tommy’s emotions were being played like this. Protective brother instincts that Billy rarely felt for Tommy were surfacing and Billy wanted to hug him. Tommy would probably punch him though so he refrained.
“I know it’s difficult to believe, but Teddy knows what he saw. It’s not something you easily mistake for something else Tom. I’m really sorry but...”
“No no no! You don’t understand!” Tommy exclaimed, waving his hands around. Billy was sure that had they been sat down Tommy would have leapt to his feet.
“Kate was having sex with Noh-Varr, yes. But she wasn’t cheating on me. I know about it. It’s OK”, he rambled wildly and Billy wondered if he should get a paper bag in case of a panic attack when the words sank in.
“What?”, he asked dumbly.
“I know about Kate and Noh-Varr. And it’s not just her. Sometimes I. With Him. I. Um.”
“Tommy, what the hell are you burbling on about?”
“I’m sleeping with him as well, OK?!” Tommy all but shouted and then stood still, eyes darting around the place as though there were others in Billy’s apartment eavesdropping on their conversation.
“Oh god, this is so awkward!” Tommy moaned and dropped into a chair, his head falling into his hands. “This is so not the way I wanted to tell you this. But. Kate, Noh-Varr and I. The three of us. We’re together. Like that” he mumbled into his hands.
“Sooo, the three of you are in a polyamorous relationship?” Billy asked, stunned.
Tommy glanced up at him through his hair and nodded, fear evident in his eyes.
“Oh thank god for that!” Billy sighed in relief and he slumped backwards into the armchair opposite Tommy.
“What?” Now it was Tommy’s turn to be shocked.
“Well Kate’s my best friend. I hated to think she was capable of hurting you like that. And the thought of you being hurt like that. Also convention dictates that we kick Noh-Varr’s ass and I really wasn’t looking forward to going up against him. Again.”
“So wait. You’re OK with this? Us being in a threeway relationship?” Tommy exclaimed in confusion.
“Why shouldn’t I be?”
“You’re OK with us being in a threeway with Noh-Varr? You don’t think it’s weird?”
Billy’s face wrinkled up in confusion. “I think it’s weird that you think I should have a problem with this. Tommy I don’t care who you spent the rest of your life with. Even if there are two of them. Even if one is an alien – seriously, I’m the last person who is going to be freaked out by that! Also not going to freak out over the fact that one of your chosen persons is a guy. Again – last person on earth to talk about that. God, if anything your relationship with Kate the human female is more freaky to me.”
That made Tommy laugh.
“Seriously Tom. I. Don’t. Care. If you’re all happy and healthy and not hurting anyone then that’s all I care about. Although I do care that you didn’t tell me. I thought Kate was cheating on you! Oh god, now I have to apologise to her! She’s never going to forgive me. Oh god.” Billy started to freak out as the memory of the things he’d said to her started to flood back in.
“There’s a line little bro. She’s pissed off at me for not telling you before hand and is angry because you think she’s a horrible person. She wanted to tell you earlier when you were yelling at her but she promised me that she wouldn’t and she’s pissed at me for making her promise that.”
“Well I’m glad it’s not just me she’s angry with” Billy said, relieved. “Maybe we can apologise together?
“Er. I really don’t think you want to be around for my apology to be honest.” Tommy said, and his tone and facial expression made it perfectly clear what his ‘apology’ would entail.
“Oh. Ew! Oh god, my ears. Why hasn’t brain bleach been invented yet?” Billy exclaimed and Tommy laughed.
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“For the last time Billy I wasn’t angry at you, I was angry at your dolt of a brother for dithering so long about telling you. I actually thought it was quite sweet that you’d defend him like that”, Kate said as she poured coffee into two cups on her kitchen table.
Billy smiled and took his cup, sipping from it as he watched Kate add cream and sugar to hers.
“If you’re sure. I just feel like I should have given you the benefit of the doubt. Some best friend I am.”
“Well it’s not like I could have explained even if you had given an opportunity to do so. I promised Tommy that I wouldn’t speak a word to anyone until he’d had a chance to talk to you first. And while he’s a complete fool and pain in my side, I do love the idiot and couldn’t break my promise to him like that. And Teddy did catch us in a compromising position. It was an obvious conclusion to jump to, let’s be honest here.”
“Well alright. Let’s just put it all aside and agree that the whole thing is Tommy’s fault.”
Kate laughed. “Absolutely. I think that we can definitely agree on that. Tommy’s to blame!” she cheered, holding her coffee cup up in a toast. Billy clinked his against hers and echoed her statement.
“Tommy’s to blame!”
***************************************************************
“Why is it always my fault?” Tommy whined.
“Because your inability to process your emotions in a healthy way usually leads to an unpleasant outcome for all involved” Noh-Varr replied without looking up from the television.
Teddy laughed. “He’s got you there Tommy. If you had just told us from the start then none of this would have happened. It really is your fault.”
“Yeah well. Maybe if you knocked like a normal person instead of just barging into people apartments then you wouldn’t have seen things you shouldn’t have” Tommy mumbled in Teddy’s direction as he sank back into the sofa. Noh-Varr to his left was sat bolt upright, engrossed in the Spanish telenovela on the TV. Tommy tugged on his sleeve to get him to sit back, which he did absent-mindedly.
Teddy was sat in the armchair perpendicular to the sofa and was looking at the two of them with mild amusement. He seemed to find it amusing when they shared any kind of affection and it would normally make Tommy uncomfortable but right now he didn’t care what his brother-in-law thought.
Just then Kate and Billy returned from kitchen, carrying plates of Chinese takeout and drinks. Well, Kate was carrying a tray of drinks and Billy held a giant bowl of prawn crackers while five glowing blue plates piled high with noodles floated along behind him.
“What are we talking about now?” Kate asked as she carefully placed the tray down.
“Noh-Varr’s ridiculous obsession with Spanish television” Tommy said before the others could reply. He didn’t want to admit that they were still talking about Tommy’s failings twenty minutes after Billy and Kate had left to get the food.
“It’s not ridiculous, it’s a perfectly good way to acquire a new language. And you didn’t seem to mind last night. I didn’t hear you complaining” Noh-Varr replied, plucking a plate straight from the air and settling it on his lap.
Tommy’s face went bright red and Teddy laughed so hard that he nearly dropped his food.
“Ew. Things I don’t need to know ever. Let’s change the subject” Billy said and started the film for that night. Some action flick or other that Tommy had picked out.
“Agreed. Back to Tommy’s failings!” Kate announced and Tommy groaned when the rest of them held up their glasses in a toast.
“I hate you all” but the grin on his face said differently. They all mocked him, but these were people that loved him for who he was. And however much they teased, there was no place he’d rather be.