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Michael is eight. Eight years, five months, and four days, to be exact. He’s too old for imaginary friends.
But, his friend that shows up in his parents’ living room one day can’t be imaginary. He can’t be, because Michael recognizes him.
“Ash!” he squeals.
He’s not sure what Ash is doing here. According to his parents, Ash had “gone away for a long time,” and they’d both had tears in their eyes when they sat him down to talk about it. That was just a few days ago. But, Ash is back. He hadn’t been gone for very long.
He’s back, and he’s right here in Michael’s living room!
The older boy looks surprised. And pale. He looks very pale, but it only makes the green of his eyes even brighter as they widen. “Michael?”
“Hiya, Ash!”
As Ash’s eyes soften, they are sad, but calm. “You can… you can see me?”
“Course I can, silly!” Michael grins as he jumps to his feet. “Oh boy, just wait ‘til I tell Mom and Dad that you’re back. They’ve missed you a whole lot.”
“Wait, Michael,” Ash calls out.
Michael, who’d started for the hallway, stops in his tracks. Confused, he turns back to the older boy.
“I don’t think telling your parents about me is such a good idea,” Ash says softly.
Michael juts his lower lip out in a pout. “Why not?”
“People don’t…” Ash pauses. Hesitates. “People don’t… normally come back from where I went to.”
“Where did you go?”
Ash hesitates again. Michael frowns.
“What’s wrong, Ash?”
“Nothing, buddy,” Ash says. “Just… I went to a place that you won’t have to worry about for a long time.”
“Oh. When I do have to worry about it, then will you tell me?”
Ash cringes, but he nods. “Of course.”
Michael smiles, eyes sparkling again. “Okay!”
“Michael?”
At the sound of Jessica’s voice, Ash freezes. As Michael looks at him, he puts a finger to his lips.
Michael nods.
“Yeah, Mom?” he calls back, going into the hallway. His mother is coming down the stairs.
“Are you talking to someone?” she asks. She’d just gotten out of the shower and she’s wrapped in a fluffy robe, her hair still dripping wet.
Michael shakes his head. “Just me. I made up a new game.”
“Oh. That’s nice.” She smiles, but it’s small and sad. All of her smiles have been sad since Ash went away.
As she turns away to go back upstairs, Michael says, “Hey, Mom?”
Jessica pauses, then turns to face him again. “Yes?”
“I miss Ash.”
At that, Jessica’s eyes mist over. She stares down at the floor and tries to hide her sniffling, but without much success. “I think we all miss Ash, sweetheart.”
“Will he come back?”
Jessica tries to hide the tear that escapes down her cheek, but she’s too late. Michael sees it. “Probably not, Mikey.”
Michael’s eyes widen. His mom hadn’t called him Mikey since he was a little kid.
“Okay, Mom. Okay.”
“Michael, if you…” Jessica pauses. Takes a deep breath. “If you want to talk about Ash, or anything else, your dad and I will always be here to listen.”
He nods. “Will Dad be home soon?”
“He has another hour at work, but he’ll be home after.” She ruffles his hair, but he doesn’t cringe away like he normally would.
He nods. “Okay.”
After she goes back upstairs, Michael returns to the living room. Ash is huddled in a corner on the floor, knees drawn up to his chin.
“Are you okay?” Michael asks, voice squeaking a little.
“I will be,” Ash mumbles.
“How long will you stay?”
Ash lifts one shoulder in a half-hearted shrug. “I don’t have anywhere I need to be. I can stay awhile.”
Michael’s eyes light up again. “Oh, yay! Will you play with me?”
Lifting his head, Ash manages a small smile.
“Of course, buddy.”
*
Ash keeps his promise. Ash stays.
They’d been almost caught a few times, but Michael is starting to think that neither of his parents can see Ash, which is weird. They’d had no problem seeing him before he went away.
When he asks Ash about it, Ash says he doesn’t know. He says that the place he went to changed him, and maybe grown-ups can’t see him anymore.
Michael accepts this answer, but he’s still curious about where Ash went. Whenever he asks, all Ash says is that it “was a bad place.” He’d tell Michael more about it when he was older.
Michael didn’t like this answer.
He was almost eight and a half. Eight years, five months, and twenty-three days, to be exact. He thought he was plenty old enough.
But, even though he gets frustrated, the frustration usually fades quickly. Ash was sticking around, and they still played together. That was enough, for now.
It took a lot of concentration for Ash to play, though. He could hardly roll a car across Michael’s bedroom floor without focusing absolutely all of his attention on it. Michael thought maybe he was sick, but Ash said that the place he went to made him weak. Not sick, just weaker than he used to be.
Michael hadn’t realized it before, but Ash was good at keeping secrets. He wished he was as good at keeping secrets as Ash was.
Because one night, about two or three weeks after Ash came back, Michael accidentally lets their secret slip.
He and his parents are sitting around the dinner table. Salmon, green beans, and rice tonight — one of Jessica’s favorite meals. Max and Michael normally preferred burgers and fries. But, it’s still good. Everything Jessica cooks is delicious.
Max is talking about work, and Michael, in typical eight year old fashion, zones out.
That is, until Ash’s name comes up.
At the mention of Ash’s name, Michael perks up. Forgetting the promise he’d made, he pops a piece of fish into his mouth and says, delightedly, “We’re going to play a new game later!”
Talk ceases. Max and Jessica both turn their attention to their son.
“Who are you going to play with, bud?” Max asks.
Michael smiles. He thinks it’s funny that Ash started calling him ‘buddy’ like his dad does. “Ash! He can’t play a lot of games anymore, but he said he’s gonna teach me a new one. One he can play.”
The clinking of silverware stops. Both adults freeze, then glance at each other.
“You’re going to play a game with Ash?” Jessica asks.
“Yeah!”
“Where did Ash come from?” This time, it’s Max who speaks.
Michael shrugs. “He came back. You guys acted like he’d be gone forever, but it was just a few days.”
“A few days? But it’s been weeks…” Jessica glances at Max.
A frown is settling deep in Max’s brow. “How long has he been back, bud?”
Michael shrugs. “You guys talked to me, told me Ash had gone away. But then he came back again a few days later.”
Jessica sucks in a breath.
“All right.” Max inhales deeply, nods. Then, he smiles. “How about you finish dinner in your room, huh? A special treat.”
Michael’s eyes light up. “Can I watch TV?”
“Of course, bud.”
Jessica helps him prepare a tray, then Michael takes his food to his room without complaint.
When he arrives in his room, Ash is waiting for him.
And then he remembers his promise.
“Oh!” Michael gasps. He stands there, tray rattling as his hands start to shake, and his lower lip quivers. “I’m s-sorry, Ash.”
Ash, though, only smiles at him. “It’s all right, buddy.”
“Are you gonna leave?” Michael’s eyes fill with hot tears. “I’m sorry!”
“Nah.” Ash leans back, crossing one Converse-clad foot over the other, “I won’t leave.”
“Really? You’ll stay?” Michael sniffles, but manages a smile.
Ash smiles back. “Yeah, I’ll stay. But, playtime is going to be a bit delayed, all right? I need to check something.”
Michael nods. “O-Okay.”
“Finish your dinner, huh? I’ll be right back.”
Ash leaves Michael, still sniffling but calming down, in his room, and ventures out. He knows there’s no reason to be overly cautious or sneaky, but old habits die hard
(pun intended)
as he creeps down the hallway.
He finds Max and Jessica talking in the kitchen. He stands, totally exposed but unnoticed all the same, in the doorway, and watches.
Jessica has her head in her hands and her shoulders shake. Her tears are silent, but he knows she’s crying. Max has a chair pulled up next to her and he’s got his arms wrapped around her.
“Maybe this is his way of coping,” he mumbles.
“B-By thinking he can see Ash? Max, Ash is, Ash i-is—“
“I know.” Max cups her face in his hand. He attempts to wipe the tears away, but they come too quickly. “I know, Jess. But, I don’t think he quite understood when we tried talking to him. Maybe this is his way of… processing.”
“He’s too old for imaginary friends, Max!” Jessica snaps.
But, she’s not angry. Not at Max.
She’s angry at the world.
She’s heartbroken.
“This will last a few weeks, maybe a few months,” Max predicts, “but he’ll grow out of it. Maybe it’ll help if we sit down with him again. Explain things… properly.”
“Y-You mean, tell him—“
Max nods.
“Oh, but Max—“
“I know,” he mumbles, pulling her into a hug, “but, is it really fair to let him continue to believe that Ash could come back someday?”
“I, I—“ Jessica hiccups, sniffles. She rests her head on his shoulder and closes her eyes. “I suppose you’re right.”
“I’ll talk to him after school on Friday,” Max mumbles, rubbing her back.
“Okay,” she whispers. He holds her tight. “But, what if…”
“Hm?”
“What if… it doesn’t help? What if he still thinks he can play with Ash?”
Max sighs deeply, presses his lips to her forehead. “If it doesn’t pass after a few months… it may be a good idea to take him to a child therapist.”
“Max,” she whimpers.
“I know. Shh. We’ll cross that bridge if we come to it.”
It is then that Ash chooses to take his leave. He returns to Michael’s room with hunched shoulders. He can no longer feel pain, but he’d swear his heart would be aching in his chest if it could.
Michael, though, is thrilled (and incredibly relieved) when Ash returns.
“You came back!” he exclaimed, hopping off his bed. His plate, now empty, sits on his dresser.
“I told you I would.” Ash smiles, but it’s small and shaky.
“I’m sorry,” Michael says again.
“Don’t be. You kept the secret for a long time.”
“Can they see you now?” Michael asks.
Ash shakes his head.
“But—“
“They know, but it’s still probably a good idea not to talk about me too much, all right? Sometimes grown ups think ghost stories are silly.”
Michael frowns. “But, you’re not a ghost, are you, Ash? Ghosts are dead people.”
Instead of answering, Ash says, “Hey, how about I show you that game now, huh?”
At the mention of a new game, Michael grins.
“Okay!”
Questions forgotten.
*
When Michael comes home from school on Friday, he doesn’t come straight to his bedroom. Instead, Max calls him into the living room. He says he needs to talk to Michael about something important, but assures him he’s not in trouble.
Ash could observe, but he knows that he’d only be distracting Michael.
So, he sits on Michael’s floor.
And he waits.
Michael is gone for a long time.
But, finally, his bedroom door creaks open. He pokes his head into the room first, lip quivering, eyes flooded.
“Michael—“
“You lied to me,” he whispers.
Ash stares down into his lap, fiddling with the zipper on his coat. “I’m sorry, Michael. I—“
“I said ghosts were dead people, and you said you weren’t a ghost!”
Technically, Ash hadn’t. He’d changed the subject. But, he knows what Michael means. He’d been lied to for weeks.
He felt betrayed, and it was because of Ash.
“I’m so sorry, buddy. I…” Ash hesitates.
Michael stares at him, heavy tears down his cheeks. His eyes are red and swollen.
“I can leave, if you want,” Ash offers, quietly.
He doesn’t know where he’d go. But, Michael doesn’t have to know that.
“No,” Michael whimpers.
“What?”
“I don’t want you to leave!” the boy cries. He sits on the floor, school bag still heavy on his back, and sobs. “Don’t leave, Ash. Please don’t go.”
Ash had thought it selfish of him to stay.
But, looking at Michael, eight years old and already having to deal with more than any boy his age should, he thinks it’d be much more selfish of him to leave. At least, for now.
“Okay,” Ash mumbles. “Okay, buddy. I’m not going anywhere. I promise.”
“Ash?”
“Yeah, buddy?”
“C-Can I hug you?”
“I’m… not sure, Michael,” Ash admits.
“Can I try?”
Ash hesitates. “All right.”
Michael hurries at him, arms outstretched. But, he passes right through Ash like he’s made of smoke.
Ash shivers. Michael hangs his head low and sniffles.
“I’m sorry,” Ash says.
“I wish I could hug you.”
“I know.”
They’re interrupted by Jessica, who knocks on the open bedroom door. Michael looks up at her from his position on the floor, then looks away.
“I’m so sorry, baby,” she murmurs.
Michael ignores her.
“I don’t think… I don’t think it’s good for you to be alone right now, Mikey.”
“I’m not alone,” Michael says. He looks next to him, at Ash. “I have Ash.”
Jessica looks directly at him.
Ash’s green eyes are wide and bright.
But she does not see him.
“I’m so sorry, Mikey. Please… come watch a movie with us? It will take your mind off of…”
“Go with her,” Ash whispers.
Michael freezes.
“Go on, buddy. It’s okay. They just want to take care of you.”
“You’ll stay here?” Michael whispers, believing himself to be quieter than he is. Jessica’s eyes widen.
“I promise.”
“Okay,” Michael mumbles. Slowly, he gets to his feet. “Okay, Mom. Can I pick the movie?”
Jessica tries to smile.
“Of course.”
*
Michael turns nine tomorrow.
And Ash has stayed through it all.
Since learning of Ash’s death, Michael has tried to quiet down around Max and Jessica. He still talks about Ash sometimes, but, though the subject is still a sensitive one, they have dropped the idea of taking him to see a child therapist.
Ash and Michael still play sometimes, but mostly Ash has become somebody to talk to. Every day, after he comes home from school, Michael tells Ash about his day.
Ash can’t help but compare his nine-year-old self to Michael, and he’s so grateful he would cry if he could. Michael had gone through a lot in the past year that no eight-year-old kid should have to go through, but it was nowhere near the inferno that had engulfed Ash’s childhood. And, most of all, Michael had parents who loved him. Who supported him. Who helped him however they could.
Something that Ash himself had never, ever had.
They’re in the kitchen. Ash is leaned against the refrigerator, arms crossed over his chest, easy smile on his lips. Michael is helping his mother frost his chocolate birthday cake, but he keeps sticking his fingers in the frosting whenever she turns her back. Max is decorating in the living room, but pokes his head into the kitchen every once in awhile to sniff the air.
“Why does Michael get to lick the spoon?” Max whines.
“Because,” Jessica huffs in exaggerated annoyance, “only one of you is turning nine tomorrow.”
Michael sticks his tongue out at his father.
Max grins, about to retort, when the doorbell rings.
“Ah!” Max grins. “I believe our special guest has arrived!”
“‘Special guest?’” Michael echoes. He and Ash exchange a look, but Ash shrugs.
“You stay there, boy!” Max orders before hurrying to the door.
When he returns, Ash’s jaw drops.
“EIJI!” Michael screams.
Eiji smiles.
“Hiya, Michael.”
Michael runs across the room, knocking Eiji back against the wall in a hug. Laughing, Eiji wraps his arms around the boy.
Ash is frozen.
He can’t stop staring.
It’s only been six or seven months since Eiji left for Japan, and, apparently, he’d come back earlier than that for the funeral. But, this is the first that Ash has laid eyes on him since… the hospital.
Since he was alive.
Eiji’s hair is a little longer, a little shaggier — it looks like he’s trying to grow it out — but, otherwise, he looks the same as he had six, seven months ago. He—
No.
Not the same. Not quite.
His eyes are dark, dark and sad. He’s laughing as he hugs Michael back, but there is a heaviness behind those eyes that wasn’t there before. Because of…
Because of Ash.
“Eiji, Eiji,” Michael repeats over and over, like it’s been a lifetime since they’d seen each other, “You came from Japan?”
“I did,” Eiji says. His voice is soft.
“You came for my birthday?” Michael squeezes tighter, afraid to let go.
Eiji laughs as the air is squeezed out of him. “I did, yes. But, not only reason.”
“Huh?” Michael finally lets Eiji go as he takes a step back and looks up at him.
The gentlest smile pulls at Eiji’s lips. “I been thinking of relocating to New York. Permanently.”
Ash’s mouth falls open.
“You’re moving here?!” Michael demands.
“Well,” Eiji says, “I sure going to try.”
Ash continues to gape at a man who cannot see him.
What happened to going back to Japan?
“It’ll be wonderful to have you around again, Eiji,” Jessica gushes, wrapping him in a hug and gently squeezing, “You are always welcome here.”
Eiji holds Jessica close as he hugs her back, sturdy and comforting. “I appreciate you very much, Jessica.”
Jessica is shaking her head as they pull apart.
“You boys,” she murmurs, voice thick, “did not deserve any of what happened to you.”
Her own traumas go unspoken.
“I hate to interrupt,” Max says, stepping in as soon as he realizes Jessica is becoming overwhelmed with emotion, “but, I think we still have some presents to wrap. Can you watch the cake for us, Eiji?”
Eiji laughs. “Of course.”
Wrapping his arm around Jessica’s shoulders, Max leads her out of the room and takes her upstairs.
Michael waits until they are out of earshot before turning to Eiji, big smile on his face. “Guess what!”
Eiji smiles. “What?”
“Someone else is here for my birthday!”
Snapping out of his Eiji-induced trance, Ash’s eyes go wide. Pausing, Michael looks at him. Ash looks very scared for a moment.
But, after a moment, he nods.
“It’s okay,” he whispers.
Michael grins.
“Huh? Another guest? When will they come?” Eiji asks.
“They’re already here!”
“What?” Eiji crosses the kitchen and looks out into the hall. “Where?”
“Right here!’
Eiji turns to look back at Michael, who’s pointing at the wall.
“Ah, I get it. Is your friend invisible?”
“Yes!”
Eiji chuckles. “Well, then. What his name?”
“It’s Ash!”
The laughter cuts off as quickly as it had started.
“Your imaginary friend… is Ash?”
Michael scowls. “He’s not imaginary. He’s dead!”
He says that so excitedly that Ash can’t help but laugh. He covers his mouth with his hand.
Eiji is starting to look a little pale. “Don’t be silly, Michael. There’s no such thing as ghosts.”
“Yes, there is!”
Shaking his head, Eiji leaves the kitchen. Michael and Ash both follow him into the living room.
“Don’t you believe me?” Michael asks.
Crossing the room, Eiji goes to Jessica’s bookcase, picks a seemingly random book, and begins to flip through it. “You’re very imaginative, Michael. You should be an author when you grow up.”
“I’m serious!”
“There’s no such thing as ghosts,” Eiji repeats. He takes his book and sits on the floor… just like Ash does. Leaning against the wall, he pretends to read.
Michael looks at Ash, exasperated.
Biting his lip, Ash looks back at Eiji. His head is bowed as he skims the page.
Michael bites back a giggle as Ash moves closer to Eiji. He stands right in front of him, and Eiji shivers.
This, though, is where Ash falters.
In the months since Ash had shown up in Michael’s house, he has not been able to muster the strength to touch a living human.
Ash looks back at Michael, who nods his encouragement. He turns back to Eiji, who is still pretending to read though his teeth have started to chatter.
Slowly, very slowly, Ash bends down. Then, he leans forward and wraps Eiji in a hug.
Michael is all but holding his breath.
At first, nothing happens.
Then, Eiji gasps. The book falls from his hands, into his lap, and his head jerks up.
He stares directly into wide, bright, beautiful green eyes.
Ash’s smile is very soft.
“Hello, Eiji,” he mumbles.
“Nice to see you.”