Chapter Text
" I'll break up with him next week. I promise okay? I don't want to deal with any of this bullshit longer than I have to. "
“Okay babe but try to be softer this is Midoriya that we’re talking about okay"
He was probably talking about something else. Maybe just maybe Kacchan was talking about breaking up a hero and sidekick duo. Or maybe he was going to break up a fight happening next week. He couldn't worry about this now because it hadn't been a conversation meant for him. Plus maybe he was talking about Kirishima breaking up with someone. That kiss was for reassurance after alright? He was talking about you.
No, I probably shouldn’t have even been here. He’s cheating on you.
Kacchan would never do that to me, we’ve always been honest with each other. He loves me a lot doesn’t he?
I tried to look inside to see what I feared would be true but it was Kacchan and Kirshima lightly kissing. I shook that thought off, maybe it was a friendship thing.
Don’t lie to yourself please.
They weren’t pulling back from their last kiss. This wasn’t friendship and I knew it but why would he do this?
I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t look at him any longer, everything was swirling, as if the world was turning on its axis, being flipped upside down. Nothing made sense, I don’t understand what’s happening.
I tried to leave the building, occasionally grabbing onto a wall when the dizziness became too much. I felt like my vision was tunneling and every step I took felt like the entrance was further away. I knew I was close but the feeling of having the rug pulled under me had me dazed and confused.
A grounding hand landed on my shoulder as I looked up to see steely blue eyes looking down at me worried.
“Midoriya-kun are you alright?” He sounded worried.
“I-I need to g-get out of h-her-here” My voice was raspy from the tears I was trying to hold in but I wouldn’t have my breakdown here. I couldn’t not when they were here.
He nodded and gently took me back to the entrance. I looked at the bento box in my hand and gave it to Hina, the receptionist.
“Hi, could you give this to Kacchan? I’m afraid I was called into work”
“Of course Midoriya-kun had a great day at work” I nodded. This already was one of the worst days in my life.
I could finally feel a breeze when he got outside, feeling slightly more relieved yet everything was still settling in. My legs felt wobbly from what I happened to now know.
“Midoriya-kun! Are you alright?”
“Hah, um y-yes” I felt the tears coming and spilling down my face. Fuck. What just happened?
“May I hug you Midoriya-kun?” I nodded my head as Iida hugged me grounding me from the sensation of the cool metal from his uniform and warm hands. I felt my hands grasping onto him as I tried to keep myself from breaking down but it was starting to seem futile.
Sobs kept bubbling up as Iida had moved us to a secluded area. He sat next to me trying to soothe me while rubbing at my arms gently and trying to guide me into a more normal breathing. I couldn’t hear him as well from the nauseating feeling from what I just witnessed.
I started to calm down as I tried to rub away my remaining tears, as I looked up to Iida.
“I-I’m sorry for t-taking your time” I rasped out as my voice cracked from the overwhelming sadness I was feeling. He looked apprehensive and worried as he detached himself from me slightly.
“Midoriya-kun are you feeling better now?” I nodded my head as I tried to get rid of any remnants of my breakdown.
“Um y-yes. Sorry again”
He shook his head as he hugged me quickly before grabbing my shoulders and staring at me.
“You don’t have to apologize to Midoriya-kun, this is what any good hero would do... I apologize but what caused you to react this way?”
“It was n-nothing” He didn’t seem to believe it but he seemed like he didn’t want to push it which I was grateful for.
“Well would you like a ride home Midoriya-kun? I apologize for saying this but you’re not in a state to be going home by yourself” I understood what he meant as I looked at my trembling hands.
“Yes p-please but can I ask you to do something for m-me?”
“Of course Midoriya, I’ll do my best to do whatever you ask for”
“P-please don’t tell K-Kat-Katsuki” Iida looked at me confused by my question before it morphed into concern.
“Okay I won’t but are you sure he is your partner after all”
“Please Iida, I saw that he-...just don’t tell him p-please. Don’t tell h-him what happened or anything” I could feel myself starting to panic again but he couldn’t know.
He looked worried that I was about to start panicking again, he tried to appease me quickly.
“Okay, don’t worry Midoriya I won’t tell him”
“T-Thanks Iida”
----
He wanted to break up with you, there isn’t any going back from that.
I ignored my thoughts as I went to cook dinner trying to feel a sense of normalcy even though my hands still trembled.
The door opened up. “ I’m home ‘zuku!”
“Welcome back ‘Tsuki”
I could hear the sound of my heart pounding in my ears, would he break up with me today? No he couldn't, right? I mean he said next week but what if that means this week?
A warm hand ruffled my hair as I looked up at Kacchan. His eyes looked warm even with his piercing crimson eyes.
“You okay nerd? Seems like your brain is about to fucking overheat from all your thinking” He was still so warm with me, what if I just saw something wrong. What if it really wasn't about me?
“Um i-it’s nothing Kacchan. I just had a busy day”
“You sure? You know I don’t understand all that technical or quirk shit but I can at least listen to you”
“It’s really nothing. I was just trying to make something but it didn’t work out and I had to scrap my whole idea. I have to start again even though I liked my original idea” He smiled and ruffled my hair even more making it into one giant poof.
“Well I know you’re not gonna stop there right? You’re one of the smartest people I know anyways. Come one we can watch a movie after we eat dinner okay? Oh and thanks for lunch I was surprised that you didn’t come up to eat”
“Yeah, I was called in after Mei exploded something so I had to go back sorry”
---
We laid in bed like we usually did but something felt off, something didn’t feel right and it was starting to suffocate me. I don’t know if it’s the knowledge that Kacchan is with Kirishima or if I was slowly starting to realize something. I started to realize how Kacchan was more often than not on his phone when we’re together, how his face always lights up when he gets a notification. Kacchan would leave the house earlier sometimes saying he had more work to do at the agency yet he would dress up so nicely. Sometimes the opposite he would leave later and come back after dinner but he would always come back in a state of bliss sometimes.
Kacchan looked so peaceful but I felt like something had lodged in my throat as I kept making connections as I kept realizing that this wasn’t fake. It stood up and left to the living room as it was starting to get harder to breathe, it felt like my lungs were being squeezed while something had lodged itself in my throat preventing me from getting a full breath of air. Everything started to feel muddled and overwhelming. I couldn’t stay here, not while he slept away acting like everything was alright. I couldn’t be near him right now.
So I grabbed my keys and left while he slept peacefully.
The city lights flashed by me as I kept driving trying to keep my focus on the road. I didn’t want to think about this because he changed right? Kacchan wouldn’t do something this cruel to me right? I tried to convince myself of that but the evidence had always been there all along. All the late night messages when we were cuddling in bed, staying at work for days at a time sometimes. I understood that heroes had busy schedules but sometimes he wouldn’t be there but too many times had I been blinded by rose tinted glasses. So many times I had tried to leave him dinner, only to find out that he left the agency hours ago or hadn’t been called in at all. How many months has this been happening under my nose?
I felt that if I kept driving I would be able to hide from reality, to spend more time with Kacchan before it was over. That was what I wanted but I didn’t know if I would be able to see through it when I felt so hurt to the point that my heart felt like something was squeezing it whenever he was nearby.
I sat numbly in my car. Thinking about nothing and yet about everything all at once. I couldn't help but wonder what it was that went wrong, where I went wrong. Did I love Kacchan enough? Or did I love him too much? He always used to get mad when I would cling onto him too much but that was because he loved him. Did he just get tired of me? I don't want to let him go but I can't do anything.
Izuku laughed as his hands gripped onto the steering wheel tighter. He began to cry as he questioned what he did wrong and what he did to deserve this. One thing after the other popped up and yet everything was inconclusive because only Katsuki knew what he was thinking. Izuku was the one who had done this to himself because he was the one who let Katsuki in after how he treated him. If anything he was at fault for everything. He chuckled dryly as his silent cries turned into heaving sobs.
---
It was at these times that I was grateful that I worked as a support engineer and quirk analyzer because it had trained me to survive without sleep. However, that didn’t mean it could hide the state I was in.
I sat with Hitoshi and Shoto who had come in from their agency’s to try out their updated gear, inviting me to lunch as a thanks but of course they had already started to see that something was wrong.
“Izuku what’s wrong?” Of course it had always been Hitoshi who would figure it out. After all the three of us had always had some sort of bond, a trauma bond of sorts so it made sense that their trauma senses were tingling.
“Nothing, just felt stressed I think” Hitoshi grabbed my hand lavender eyes staring at me with worry rather than having his usual tiredness staring at me. I felt like telling them but what if this was just temporary maybe I still had a chance with Kacchan. Yet I knew this wasn’t.
“Izuku, please tell us”
But guilt was eating away at me, Shoto had told me about Endevor and Hitoshi told me about the abuse he faced at his foster home.
“I think...Kacchan...I think Katsuki is cheating on me”
“What?”
“I don’t think I heard you right could you repeat that”
“...kacchan’s cheating on me” I felt tears start to well up in my eyes again. I don’t think I could look at them right now.
“ Are you going to break up with him?” I looked away from both of them as I felt shame start to well up inside me. I knew I wasn’t going to, at least not right now.
“Izuku we aren’t trying to pressure you to do anything but we’re worried this can cause you more harm than good” Hitoshi’s voice was soft and hesitant reminding me of when he first started to open up to me.
“I just...What if I saw something wrong?”
“Well, tell us what did you see?”
“I-I saw that it was Kacchan k-kissing K-Kirishima but what if he tripped and fell into him?”
I saw Hitoshi clench his fist, knuckles turning white while Shoto looked away at a light smoke coming off of him.
“I’m s-sorry”
“No um don’t apologize it’s Bakugou I’m upset at. Izuku my mother has lived through this, being with someone who didn’t love her. She kept suffering for being with him, and I don’t want you to suffer” Shoto’s eyebrows were knitted together in anger and annoyance.
“Izuku, Shoto’s right...this won’t be healthy and we both fear that something bad might happen to you if you expose yourself like this”
“I...I’d like to give him a chance to tell me himself but I-I know your right...I’ll give him three month. I promise I’ll b-break u-up with him if he doesn’t”
They seemed to still be concerned but a little more relieved than before as they started to relax in their chairs.
“Three months Izuku. Please only three months promise us”
I nodded at them as I reached over the table to hug them both. “I promise”
I did promise because at the end of the day I knew it would happen.
---
“Sorry ‘Zuku but I need to turn in a report to the agency” Why?
“Really? Can’t it wait until tomorrow? I mean it’s practically nine already, I thought that the only pros who work at this time are underground” Stay please, don’t lie to me.
All he did was shrug as he started to walk to the entrance as I followed behind him slowly.
Don’t lie please.
“You know how it is at the beginning nerd, sidekicks just have to follow the big bosses orders”
“I understand that but are you sure it wasn’t for nine a.m?”
“Look nerd I don’t know what’s running through the boss's mind but I need to go okay. I don’t know when I’ll be back so don’t wait, okay?”
“Okay, well good luck Kacchan!” I leaned in as I waited for our goodbye kiss but instead he ruffled my hair staring at me with sad eyes.
“Bye ‘Zuku”He walked out the door just like that, no kiss, no ‘I love you’.
This was when he started to get an itchy throat. Unknowing of my fate.
I spent that night alone staring at the space that was once occupied by Kacchan’s body. Where I remember how warm it was to be in his arms now was left in the cold.
I cried again for what seemed like the twentieth time that week. It had already been a week since I walked in on him and Kirishima. A week since I talked to Hitoshi and Shoto who were concerned and made me just a little less delusional. I had been waiting that whole week dreading when he would pop the question, preparing me for when I knew this really was going to end. A week of worry, dread, sorrow and grief only for him to walk out the door not telling me anything. Not doing anything at all about this.
---
It was around one a.m when I heard the door open. I could hear him shuffling around in our as he was probably taking off his coat and shoes. I had been trying to go to sleep for the past hours but I couldn’t sleep knowing that he probably wasn’t handing in a report. My mind was plagued by the thought of him being with Kirishima while he left me here practically abandoned while he was off enjoying himself.
Why couldn’t he just finish this, finish with us?
Why couldn’t I do it? I was a coward and I couldn’t bring myself to do it. For some reason I could talk to villain’s mock them but for some reason I couldn’t find myself able to break up with the man who I loved, even if he did love someone else.
He laid in bed not bothering to kiss my forehead or hug me.
The scratch in my throat was starting to get worse, maybe I’m getting a cold.