Work Text:
Yunho woke up to faint sniffling, almost but barely drowned out by the buzzing of the air conditioning machine above him. It's around 4 in the morning, and the room was cold, including the sheets wrapped around him and only him. He inhales as the rest of his body attempted to wake up in sync with his mind, wondering where his boyfriend could be.
Mingi isn't the type to leave their apartment alone—especially at a late time like this. Was he in the front room watching the tv? Or was he trying to surprise Yunho for something—whatever that something would be because nothing special was coming up.
Mingi and his love language, Yunho smiles. His boyfriend was always up to something, always trying to surprise the busy Yunho. Unlike Mingi, who had attempted college but dropped out because of the overwhelming stress, Yunho was in his 3rd year of college studying psychology. If Yunho weren't drowning in the paperwork needed for his classes, he would be on campus bustling. He was quite the popular guy if you were to mention it.
The couple barely had time for each other, the weekdays filled with quick breakfasts and small exchanges of kisses and "I love yous" before Yunho heads out for the day and makes his return around midnight. Mingi was also busy with work, a job at a bakery that was merely just something for him to do, and for extra cash during the week, but not as time-consuming as college.
It fell into a hole of repetition—the only time they settled down to do something together was on the weekends (only if Yunho wasn't trying to finish any work he was behind on). Or Yunho called off because they had something special planned, or he was extremely sick and could not make it (which was rare because even when he's sick, he still goes on campus).
It made Yunho feel guilty, not having enough time for his boyfriend—not making enough time for him in general. But what could he do? He stressed his education and could not slack off in college. Mingi seems to understand although, there are days where he wishes Yunho could come home right away.
Yunho finally sat up in his bed after a few minutes of procrastination. He scanned his room for any sign of Mingi. The room was still, and he could hear the chirping of crickets from outside. He considered going back to bed, thinking Mingi was probably just up to his late-night antics, but then he heard the sound of running water coming from outside the bedroom.
He got out of bed cautiously, minding the loud squeak from the bed and the creek of the hardwood floors. No one could have broken into their apartment, as their neighborhood was primarily safe, and no one could get into the apartment complex without a pass. As he roamed throughout their apartment, he noticed a dim light passing through the bathroom door. The sound of water running came from behind it, and Yunho let out a small "ah" before putting a hand on the doorknob, his other hand knocking on the door. "Mingi? Everything alright? Did you get up to watch a movie without me?"
Seconds passed, and Yunho grew concerned. He twisted the doorknob, and to his dismay, the door was locked. He sighed and knocked on the door once more, this time with more force. The water continued to run, and Yunho felt his heart skip a beat with how worried he had become. He continuously twisted the doorknob, then stopped once he felt pressure on the other side of the door.
"Yunho, I'm okay go back to sleep," Mingi said quietly. Yunho's eyebrows knitted into a frown as he put his ear up to the door to listen. Mingi had been crying, Yunho concluded. It wasn't surprising. Mingi was a sensitive person who was prone to crying at any time given. He suspected that Mingi watched a movie and cried, and he didn't want Yunho to see it.
"Mingi, it's okay, just let me—"
"Go to sleep." His voice wavered. There was something wrong. "I'm coming in," Yunho stated, and Mingi put his hand on the doorknob quickly. "No Yunho, you have to be at your campus in the morning just—" He heard the sound of the doorknob turning, and panic arose in him. His hand slipped off the doorknob in an attempt to lock it again, and he was face to face with a confused Yunho. He examined Mingi, looking him up and down as he tried to piece together what was happening.
Mingi's face was red. His eyes were puffy, and his cheeks were blotchy with tears. What surprised Yunho was the eyeliner smears all over Mingi's face, the subtle glitter eyeshadow that clumped up in the corner of his eyes. His hair was all over the place, blond streaks sticking up almost everywhere.
"Mingi," Yunho began but was sidetracked as he instinctively put his arms around his boyfriend who's eyes were brimmed with more tears, a loud sob escaping him as he cried into Yunho's shirt. Yunho began to rub soothing circles down his back, then moved to his sides, gently squeezing them every once in a while. They stood in silence apart from the crying and small whimpers from Mingi, and Yunho's mind began to overflow with possibilities and concern. What was he doing in the bathroom so early in the morning with makeup all over his face? Was he frustrated?
He shushed Mingi, whose crying returned to sniffling after a few minutes, then pulled him away from his chest. His shirt was stained with makeup, and it caused the makeup on Mingi's face to smear even more. Yunho was unsure of how or when to ask what was wrong. He didn't want to upset his boyfriend any more than he already was. Mingi's eyes were glued to the floor, afraid to look up at Yunho. Afraid to read his expression. Mingi hated when this happened. He felt like a burden for Yunho to be dealing with his problems. Sure they were dating, but it was too often where he was in the same position as they were now, crying into Yunho's shirt as Yunho talks him through it.
Yunho leaned down to press a short but sweet kiss to Mingi's forehead and rubbed his side once more before pulling Mingi down to the floor with him. He attempted to spread his legs out for Mingi to sit between them but failed as the bathroom was already small enough, and Yunho was a pretty tall guy. Eventually, he picks Mingi up and gently places him in his lap, the other blushing in the process as he wraps his arms around Yunho for stability.
"Mingi, love, why are you crying?" He uses his thumbs to wipe away the tears that were threatening to spill from Mingi's eyes again, then rests his hands on Mingi's thighs. Mingi inhales shakily and glances at Yunho for a split second, who was waiting for a response. His head drops down to look at the floor once more.
"I've felt so wrong lately," He starts. "My body...it feels wrong." He feels Yunho's warm hand inching towards his face, and when he finally touches his cheek, he shivers in response. Mingi leaned into the touch slightly. He had hoped that Yunho would understand where he was going with the confession, but Yunho still had that confused and worried expression on his face.
"Have you been feeling insecure? Don't you know that you're beautiful no matter what? Baby I—"
"No, no. That's not it." Mingi fiddles with his hands, and at this point, he felt like hiding away from everything. Yunho noticed and intertwined their fingers, bringing his hand up to kiss his, his other hand on top to sandwich Mingi's hand. He was ready to listen to whatever his boyfriend had to say because no matter how Mingi was feeling about himself, he would always be beautiful to him.
"I don't wanna be a boy."
They both paused, and Mingi felt his heart drop when Yunho didn't say anything.
"I mean, I just—some days I don't feel like one." Yunho hummed, and Mingi felt a wave of adrenaline rush through him. He finally got it out, but he didn't know how to explain it fully to Yunho.
"So, you want to be a girl?" He questioned, hands still intertwined with Mingi's. "No.." He blankly responded.
"Then what do you want to be?" That very question caused Mingi to break down crying again. Yunho stuttered and pulled Mingi in for another hug, patting his head and shushing him, whispering small affirmations into his ear. "I don't know Yunho..."
Truth being, he really didn't know what he wanted. But he had felt dysphoric recently. Every day he looked in the mirror and slowly started to hate how masculine he was. He hated his broad shoulders and chest. He hated being called hyung by his co-workers. He hated how deep his voice was—oh, he couldn't stand it. He would see Instagram posts of non-binary models who looked gender-neutral, and Mingi wished he could look like that. He would look at so many fashion logs but remember that he didn't have the body for it. All of his wishes were crushed once he looked in that dammed mirror at himself. This had been going on for weeks, and Mingi tried to help it in small ways—hence the makeup he tried using.
Once he subsided to sniffling, he wiped his own tears and sat up. "There's something called being genderfluid. It's where on certain days you favor being one gender over the other, or neither." He paused and looked at Yunho, who prodded for him to continue.
He was stuck. He didn't know what to continue with. He was he going to tell Yunho the whole concept of this? It was confusing, even for himself, to conclude that he wanted to be a boy on some days, and other days he wanted to be a girl or other.
Yunho has heard of it before. He takes classes in LGBTQ+ youth and mental health. He doesn't necessarily understand how it works, but he's willing to learn for Mingi. "That's what you've been crying about?"
Mingi chuckles at Yunho's calm response. He felt like he had made a big deal about it for no reason if Yunho wasn't affected by it. "I'm sorry I woke you up with this. It's not really even a big deal. I could have set this aside for another day. I spent a few hours in here trying to do my makeup, and I got sensitive because I didn't like the way it looked," He smiled softly at Yunho, who, in contrast to Mingi, frowned at his words.
"How dare you. It is important." He frustratedly kissed Mingi all over his face, avoiding the spots of makeup making Mingi break out of character as he giggled. "I'm so thankful you were comfortable enough to tell me," he says through kisses, stopping in the center to kiss him on the lips. Mingi kissed back as his heart that had felt like it was going at 1,000 miles per hour, had finally settled down.
Yunho pulled away and pulled Mingi off of his lap, a small huff leaving the other's nose. He walked over to a cabinet and pulled out a couple of makeup wipes. Mingi, who was crisscrossed on the floor, stood up and looked in the mirror. He looked like he had been through hell and back. The tears on his face had dried up, and the smudged eyeliner was basically giving him a smoky eye. He ran his fingers through his hair, attempting to fix whatever he had going on.
Yunho came back to the slightly shorter and began to gently wipe the remaining makeup from Mingi's face, looking back in the mirror at Mingi, who had been staring at himself the whole time. Once he was done, he turned him around and smiled lovingly.
"I love you, okay? No matter what." He pulled Mingi in for another hug and pecked his cheek. Mingi nodded against his chest before muttering an "I love you too." He was so tired, he just wanted to cuddle Yunho and sleep for the rest of the night. He really wanted to forget this ever happened, but he knew this would be a new step into their life as a couple.
"Wash your face, and take your clothes off. I'll go get some new ones for us." Yunho pointed to Mingi's shirt, which was as well stained with makeup and tears.
Once they got themselves together—and after a few more minutes of more talking and giggling and exchanging small kisses, the couple finally made it back to their bedroom. It was dimly lit, and the setting made Mingi feel drowsy. But he had to confirm a few more things with Yunho.
Yunho had read out loud an article explaining what gender fluidity was, Mingi nodding and shaking his head at some questions and comments Yunho had for him. They plopped into bed, and Yunho wrapped his arms and legs around the other.
"Yunho—"
"Hm?" He detached himself and sat up in bed to look at Mingi.
"Sometimes, or just when we're alone, do you think you could call me your girlfriend sometimes? Just so I know how it feels. You don't have to do it all the time, or at all if it makes you uncomfortable—"
Yunho chuckled and laid back down. "Why would it make me uncomfortable? You're figuring yourself out. The best I can do right now is to do whatever I can to make you comfortable." Mingi smiled widely at that.
"And, I, I'd like some feminine terms as well. You know when you call me pretty, or uh, princess."
"Mhm." Yunho complies, his hands running through Mingi's hair once more as he caught himself smiling—his being more wicked than Mingi's.
"Mingi, my beautiful girlfriend. The prettiest of them all." He placed a kiss on his chin, and he could feel how flushed Mingi's skin was after he said that.
"Again," he coaxed, burying his face in Yunho's neck. He couldn't believe how Yunho was willingly doing this—and enjoying it in the process. It made his heart beat fast. He's never been so in love with a person before. Yunho laughed and choked on his spit once Mingi hit him in the chest softly.
"It's not funny," Mingi reprimanded, still blushing from the word. Girlfriend. Yunho's girlfriend. The thought of it made him feel giddy.
"What? Why can't I tell you how pretty I think you are. Really." Mingi pulled Yunho for a slow kiss as a way to thank him. To thank Yunho for being so understanding and considerate. He thought about crying again, but it was too late for that. He needed to sleep as well, as it was nearing 6:00.
"Hey, you need to sleep. You'll be so tired today." He poked Yunho's belly.
"I'll tell my professor I won't make it today. I'll do your makeup, then we'll have a day just for each other, hm? Just my attention on you. Maybe we'll go shopping" Mingi nodded weakly, eyes already drooping as he felt himself drifting to sleep. Yunho kissed his eyelids and hummed in satisfaction.
Mingi expected to wake up because it all felt like a dream. Even if he was still trying to figure himself out, it was one small step into something that would change him for the better.