Chapter Text
The Golden Guard was walking down the hallway to his daily training session when he felt the scroll in his pocket buzz. It startled him, having almost forgotten it was there, and he glanced around to make sure nobody was around, before realizing that was ridiculous because he was the Golden Guard and the coven scouts were under his command. They couldn’t reprimand him for answering his scroll.
mischiefs_other_half : goldieeeee :)))
goldie hhey hey
goldie
im sure you have very important emp cov stuff to be doing but i have something super duper important to ask you :((((
goldie goldie goldieeee
Hunter narrowed his eyes. He knew this was a stupid idea- allowing and encouraging a civillian teen to message him. He hadn’t even expected Edric would message him again, least of all the next morning.
...Even if he had brought his scroll with him, something he had never done before.
He had only messaged Edric last night because he was bored and looking for a distraction, nothing else (that’s what he told himself, anyway). It was idiotic and unprofessional to assume he would contact Edric while he worked. Why had he even brought his scroll?
He pocketed the scroll only for it to immediately buzz again, making him jump slightly. Thankfully there weren’t any coven scouts around, although he could hear the light chatter of some from an approaching hallway.
He looked at his scroll again, angrily.
mischiefs_other_half : !!!
pensta tells me if u’ve read these and i can see u’ve read these
goldie!!!!
goldie.guard : What is possibly so important to ask me that you would disturb me while I am working?
mischiefs_other_half : watcha doin :)
goldie.guard : That’s your question?
mischiefs_other_half : yes :D
Hunter scowled at Edric’s messages, thoroughly annoyed, and shoved his scroll away again.
...And yet, he still checked his scroll after a few more buzzes.
mischiefs_other_half : ...goldie??
GOLDIE NO COME BACK
im sorry that wasn’t my actual question!!!
i do have an actual question i just wanted to mess with u lol
He glanced up to find three coven scouts turning a corner and heading his way. He shoved his scroll back under his cloak, feeling oddly like a child caught with their hand in the cookie jar, even though he knew the scouts didn’t care at all what he was doing.
In fact, their chatter quieted as they walked past him, giving him respectful dips of their heads as they passed.
Hunter huffed when they were gone, deciding, for some unknown reason, to duck into an unused broom closet to message Edric privately.
He felt really stupid doing it.
goldie.guard : Is it a real question and not something stupid like what’s my favorite color?
mischiefs_other_half : it is a real question! and whats ur favorite color is not a stupid question
what IS ur fav color btw
goldie.guard : I don’t have one.
Now what’s your surely idiotic question?
mischiefs_other_half : YOU DONT HAVE A FAVORITE COLOR???!!!?!
that is a crimeeee
and YOUR the authority sir!!
goldie.guard : Are you going to ask your question or not?
mischiefs_other_half : fine but we’re coming back to u not having a fav color so dont think im forgetting abt that
So like my question is:
do you know who the general was on the emperor’s side in the battle of latissa in 1965?
Hunter stared at the message in utter bafflement, wondering what ghost could have possessed someone like Edric to even be curious about such a thing.
goldie.guard : Why in Titan’s name are you asking about a battle that happened fifty-six years ago?
mischiefs_other_half : because my sis and i are going to fail if i cant find this lady’s name :(
like im trying to find her in books in stuff but i cantttt
goldie.guard : Fail? Fail what?
A sudden realization hit Hunter at that moment, and he nearly groaned out loud, both simultaneously amused and annoyed at Edric.
goldie.guard : Wait.
Are you in school right now?
Are you trying to make me do your homework?
mischiefs_other_half : noooo
im just asking u this one question
well and maybe like a feww more questions
but these are like emp guys so like i figured youd know :(
He felt mildly annoyed that Edric would ‘use’ him in such a way- that their second conversation over text would be about something as childish as needing answers for homework, but, at the same time, he couldn’t find himself truly offended. It was strangely amusing and pleasing that Edric was coming to him for something as mundane as history homework.
goldie.guard : You can’t just use me to pass your history class.
mischiefs_other_half : pwease ÓwÒ
Hunter stared in horror at the new emoticon Edric had forced him to gaze upon.
goldie.guard : What… in Titan’s name is that.
mischiefs_other_half : honestly? i dont know
but Luz keeps using it on Amity and it gets Amity to do things for her so :(((
pweaaaaase mister golden guard sir
im gonna fail otherwise ÓwÒ
goldie.guard : If it gets you to stop using those Titan-forsaken things, then fine.
mischiefs_other_half : yaaaay!!!!
but rlly dude ur a lifesaver lol
For a moment, Hunter wondered worriedly what kind of punishment Edric might face if he failed his homework. Hunter had been homeschooled with private tutoring his entire life, but from what he knew of schools, detention could be scarring for the weaker minded.
He supposed if this saved Edric from punishment, he wouldn’t mind helping him cheat just this once.
goldie.guard : The general for the Battle of Latissa was Sue Peir Uhnimpourtante. She’s currently retired and living in a cottage somewhere in the mountains of the Right Shoulder.
mischiefs_other_half : she’s still alive???
goldie.guard : The end of the Savage Ages was only fifty years ago.
mischiefs_other_half : ik but like most people from before then are like dead now. or like super old
goldie.guard : ...That is how aging works. You do know that right? That every time a year passes you get older?
mischiefs_other_half: lmao i can assure u im not THAT dumb dude
goldie.guard : You’re asking me for help on your homework- you have most certainly NOT proven that you are, in fact, not that dumb.
mischiefs_other_half: thats fair
soooo do u know what the Treaty of Latissa was?
goldie.guard : Which one?
mischiefs_other_half: THERE’S MULTIPLE?!
WHY ARE THERE MULTIPLE
oh no i am so failing this history test next wed :((
goldie.guard : Maybe you should be studying instead of messaging me while I am on duty?
mischiefs_other_half: no <3
Hunter blinked in bewilderment as to why Edric would put a heart emoticon there of all places. Previously, he had really only used it when he was calling Hunter his ‘bestie’ for some inexplicable reason.
goldie.guard : What does that even…? Why?
I don’t even know how to respond.
You baffle me sometimes.
mischiefs_other_half: ‘baffle’ omt thats so cute
and i aim to baffle people at all times <3
A soft blush rose to Hunter’s cheeks as he read Edric’s first comment, perplexed as to its exact meaning. Was he calling his usage of the word cute, or the word itself cute?
And the heart was back. Along with an abbreviation- although Hunter could say with confidence he knew that stood for ‘oh my Titan.’ It was a bit offensive to use the Titan’s name in vain like that, but Hunter had used it himself before, so he didn’t really care.
goldie.guard : Whatever. Do you have more questions to ask me or can I go?
He (unfortunately) did have training to go do. Although he was sure his sparring partners wouldn’t even realize nor care he was gone. Except for maybe Steve.
mischiefs_other_half: uhm like 7 more
wait thats just the front side
like 12 more
the last ones an essay :(
goldie.guard : I’m not writing you an essay.
mischiefs_other_half: not even if i ask really nicely :(((
goldie.guard : No.
mischiefs_other_half: but we’re besties now you have to
goldie.guard : Not your bestie, and I don’t have to do anything for you.
You’re wasting my time- do you want me to answer your history questions or not?
mischiefs_other_half: sorry sorry
i didn’t mean to push
i only have like five minutes left before i have to go to my next class anyway thats not enough time for u to answer them all
sorry again
Distraught filled Hunter. He hadn’t meant to upset Edric. Sure, he was pushing Hunter’s buttons, but it was still far more fun to message him than to be doing his actual work. He frantically typed out and backspaced his response, not certain how to rectify this. He didn’t want Edric to think he was mad at him, but he also didn’t want Edric to think he was just always available for him to message when he had so much work to do.
Training was important, and he shouldn’t be trying to slack off on it just because he had a new texting buddy.
goldie.guard : It’s fine, Edric. I assume you don’t have to have your homework done until tomorrow so you can ask me them later when I’m not working.
mischiefs_other_half: really?
thanks dude
sorry if i was a bit much im not with any of my friends in this class and i got really bored
i mean who could resist messaging someone like you ya know <3
A flush rose to Hunter’s face but he smirked regardless.
goldie.guard : I am awesome.
Have fun wasting away in your next class.
mischiefs_other_half: hey its illusions so i actually like that class lol
u have fun arresting people Goldie!
goldie.guard : I don’t just go around arresting people if that’s what you think my job is. I’m not a simple coven guard.
And stop calling me Goldie!
mischiefs_other_half: no <3
The thing with the heart again? What was this supposed to imply? Was it a teenager thing to put hearts after no’s?
Hunter just shook his head with a sigh before deciding to leave the conversation there and not encourage Edric further. He stuffed his scroll in his pocket and gave Rascal a small scratch, even though the bird was in wooden form, hidden by his cloak.
And now he had training to go do. Reluctantly. But it was important, as all work was, for his uncle and the Titan. He should be prioritizing it above messaging Edric.
But he would be lying if he said he wasn’t looking forward to messaging Edric later.
mischiefs_other_half: you still never gave me ur favorite color goldie >:)
dont think ive forgotten that
ur favorite color, hand it over
Hunter huffed, rolling his eyes as he layed back on his bed, one leg hanging off the side and swaying leisurely. Rascal rested on his head, as though reading along as Hunter typed.
He’d helped Edric with his homework- getting briefly detoured when they somehow got onto the topic of the legality and morality of a bipedal demon keeping beast demons as pets- and immediately Ed had jumped straight back to his favorite color. Hunter himself had forgotten Ed even cared about that.
goldie.guard : Golden, I suppose, by default.
mischiefs_other_half : boringggg
what color SPEAKS to you dude
goldie.guard : Colors don’t speak.
He glanced upwards at Rascal before hesitantly adding:
goldie.guard : But I guess I like red too.
mischiefs_other_half : aha!!! i knew u had a favorite color somewhere >:))
you do strike me as a red kinda dude now that i think abt it
Hunter couldn’t even begin to guess what THAT meant.
goldie.guard : And with all your talk about favorite colors, I assume you have one too?
mischiefs_other_half : orange :)
goldie.guard : Really? That’s… surprising.
mischiefs_other_half : haha yeah everyone always thinks it’s green but nope
all my homies hate green
Hunter didn’t know what a ‘homie’ was, but his best guess would have been ‘homeless person’... Except that didn’t make sense at all?
Accepting the inevitable humiliation he’d get from Edric for his inability to understand ‘teenager slang’ with a sigh, he responded.
goldie.guard : I’m not homeless?
mischiefs_other_half : VSKFJDSGSL
dude no thats not what homies means lmao
pffft oh my titan
homies is like another way of saying besties but like,,, more like a group??
usually like a group of guys
guy friends
you know, you kiss the homies good night <3
goldie.guard : I have never kissed a ‘homie’ good night and I do not want to.
mischiefs_other_half : wow dude really breaking bro code right there
you mean ur never gonna kiss me good night? :(
</3
cant believe we’re not homies my dude
Hunter smiled in soft confusion, fairly certain that Edric was just messing with him, but not entirely certain he wasn’t. Did teenage males often kiss their friends good night? If it was a kiss on the forehead or something, perhaps he could understand- parents did that to their children sometimes, right? But a kiss on the lips?
He-...
The thought of kissing someone on the lips ( Edric on the lips) made his face flush all the way to his ear tips and his stomach do what felt like a flip.
He was just going to ignore that, though.
goldie.guard : If it’s any consolation, nobody will ever be my homie.
mischiefs_other_half : ur just gonna live a sad, sad life that way
now i legally have to be ur homie bro
ur homie and ur bestie <3
goldie.guard : You are neither of those things.
mischiefs_other_half : you cannot deny me
i am inevitable
i will hunt you down
and i will find you
and i will force you to be my best homie
goldie.guard : That sounds like a threat against a coven official.
Am I going to have to arrest you, Blight?
Edric’s response took longer than he normally did to respond, briefly worrying Hunter that he had said something wrong, but then Edric’s reply came and he relaxed.
mischiefs_other_half : kinky
...Did Hunter say relaxed? He meant jerking upright into a sitting position, startling Rascal, who flew away with a tweet.
His face was splotched with red, but he was more confused than anything, because Edric probably didn’t mean it that way? It was probably just a harmless, teenage joke? Or kinky had an alternate meaning than the one he was thinking of? Teenage slang was weird- he wouldn’t put it past meaning something like ‘silly’ these days.
He wasn’t going to have to explain to Edric that he didn’t have some arresting-handcuff-authority kink, was he?
(And Edric definitely wasn’t actually saying he had one, right? RIGHT? URGH. There was just too much to unpack in that ONE WORD.)
mischiefs_other_half : but you couldn’t arrest me im too sneaky ;)
id slip right out of jail like a weasel
or a sly fox
Hunter blinked, calming down as Edric continued to joke. So the… kinky line really didn’t mean anything. It was just another joke.
Teenagers could be so confusing, sometimes.
goldie.guard : You do strike me as fox-like.
Illusionists were often associated with the silent cunning of a fox, after all.
mischiefs_other_half : why thank you
foxes are my favorite animals actually :)
goldie.guard : You’re going to ask me what my favorite animal is next, aren’t you?
mischiefs_other_half : whaaaatt noooo
how could you ever guess
Hunter rolled his eyes with a smile.
goldie.guard : I think I like cardinals best, right now.
mischiefs_other_half : oh wow getting very specific with the bird breeds
are they breeds?
the type of bird
like cat and dog breeds?
goldie.guard : They’re different species, actually. Unlike most animals that can’t interbreed with another species, some bird species can interbreed and produce fertile offspring with each other.
mischiefs_other_half : oh thats cool
do most other species not interbreed or whatever??
i mean like obviously manticores and griffins cant have babies together but like biped demons and witches can have kids together even tho we’re technically different species?
goldie.guard : Manticores and griffins can actually have offspring, it’s just that most of their offspring are unhealthy due to genetic instability and die at a young age. Plus, any offspring of the crossbreed would be infertile, unlike biped-witch hybrids, who can produce fertile children since our organs are practically the same as theirs and our genetic code similar enough. It’s rumored that the same could be said of human and biped/witch offspring, but unknown since no human-hybrids have been recorded in history.
mischiefs_other_half : welp i guess if Luz and Amity ever wanna have kids together then we’ll have some data lol
goldie.guard : I don’t believe humans are able to have children with a person of the same biological gender, although that might only be because they don’t have the magic ingenuity and advanced alchemy to do so.
mischiefs_other_half : well that sucks :(
goldie.guard : Yes.
Hunter was about to type more when he paused, looking back at his messages. He had… typed too much. He had already found himself typing too long of messages with unnecessary information when answering Edric’s history questions. He didn’t want to bother Edric with his interests- his uncle always told him to keep his explanations precise and to the point, and nobody liked somebody who rambled on about something that nobody else cared about.
Edric probably didn’t care about the intricacies of hybrid genetics and humans’ lack of gender adjustment potions and treatments (Hunter would still biologically be a girl if he lived in the Human World, which was a strange thought).
Actually, Hunter should probably get to work on his paperwork. Originally, he thought he could put it off, but he really should sign off on that one about the incident down at the Pelvis. That seemed like a possible problem in the making…
With a sigh, he typed out a goodbye to Edric.
goldie.guard : I have some files to attend to before tomorrow, so I have to go now.
mischiefs_other_half : awww :((( but i liked listening to ur science-y rants
or well reading i guess lol
Edric… liked when Hunter just dropped a huge block of text on him like that? No, he was probably just joking, or mocking Hunter, or just bored enough to care about reading them or something.
mischiefs_other_half : talk to you laterrr goldie <3
goldie.guard
: Byeee.