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Amity was nervous.
No, that was an understatement. Amity was shaking in her boots, about to throw up, ready to pass out, flushed fuchsia, and quite sure her heart was going to give out any moment now.
They were on a date.
Her.
Luz.
Here.
Now.
And Titan it was awful .
It should be exciting, it was exciting, Amity was beside herself with how extatic she was. She liked Luz. A lot. And the fact that she liked her back was still so big and new and exhilarating that she wanted to jump for joy at the thought of it. But this , going on a date, having to learn how to navigate the newness of an explicit relationship, was not going how she had hoped it would. It was a lot less of the excitement part of it all, a lot less of the tingling thrill that Luz liked her back, and a lot more of the nervous I’ve-never-done-this-before-but-have-an-insatiable-need-to-get-it-right-so-you’ll-keep-liking-me part.
She was happy, really, genuinely, truly. When she could get out of her head for a second she was so happy to be doing this, so happy that they were dating that she felt as if she was floating, but she was having a hard time doing that; staying out of her head. Instead she kept forgetting that she was happy, kept growing, instead, panicked and had to keep deep breathing so she would stop feeling as if she might throw up right onto Luz’s shoes.
Amity didn’t know how she was going to do this. And not just because she didn’t know what to do.
As it stood she was standing in the doorway of the Owl House hand in hand with Luz. They hadn’t even left yet, but feeling Luz’s hand in hers had already sent her through this loop of panic and joy and fear and nausea about nine hundred times. Had kept distracting her over and over again from how hard she was trying to level her head, keep her cool, be suave and classy and cool and all the other things Luz had called her before, was expecting of her now that they were doing this; on a date.
Their first date.
Emira had told her this was going to happen, as she was helping her get ready earlier that evening, but even when Amity had been unavoidably nervous by then already she hadn’t believed it.
Yes, she had insisted, rolling her eyes as Emira dusted blush over her cheeks, things were still new, still a bit scary, but she had gotten better. They had been together, been girlfriends, for almost a whole week now and Amity hadn’t lost her cool once; not even when Luz had pecked a kiss on her cheek after class one day. Sure she had stopped in her tracks and held up a cluster of students behind her, but she had composed herself before the bell had even rung for the next period. Had managed to attend class even if she hadn’t been able to pay any attention to the lecture. Had managed to make it through the whole day without screaming once at all; not until she had made it safely home, locked within the walls of her bedroom. All in all, in Amity’s opinion, she was being very level headed about it all.
But even when Amity explained all of this to Emira she just chuckled, shaking her head as she insisted that this was different. Passing notes in class and giving pecked cheek between them was cute and exciting and fun but this was a bit more than that. It was a date ; it was Amity’s first date. Not just with Luz either but ever. She would get in her head about it and Emira was just trying to help by telling her to not do that; to relax and let herself have fun.
Amity had thought Emira was being silly, was trying to worry her or else tease her, but standing here, looking at Luz and her nice outfit, a sleek black top and flowy purple pants with her hair pushed back like it had been at Grom, holding her hand when she looked that pretty, when they were on a date, a real one, was undeniably, miserably terrifying . And she was realizing quite quickly, with Luz’s hand in hers and her too pretty outfit, too pretty face, staring back at her, that she had no idea how to do this; had no idea how to hold her hand right and make her happy and date her. With a start, an awkward physical jerk of her arm, she came to the sudden understanding that Emira had been right. She was going to get in her head about this; she was actively doing so right now. Unfortunately for Amity she didn’t remember the second half (the larger, more important half) of what Emira had said to her.
Instead she swallowed loudly, trying to push her hammering heart down and out of her throat, and took an even louder, wavering and wobbling breath.
“ So ,” she hummed out the word, flushing all the brighter when Luz blinked up at her, staring with wide eyes and blushing nearly as much as Amity. The sight of, Luz looking back at her with red cheeks, was overwhelming, startling, and suddenly the weight of Luz’s hand in hers was too much, too scary, and Amity, not wanting to let go for fear of upsetting her, fear that she would think she didn’t ever want to hold hands with her again, was a bad girlfriend, felt herself sweating profusely into Luz’s hand as she tensed instead, squeezing it too tight, and then, in a frantic attempt to counteract her squeezing, stopped properly gripping it at all, simply let it hang loose and dead in Luz’s grip.
She tried, in a quick attempt to shake off the feeling, ignore the lead-like weight of her own hand and her unsure-ness of how to hold Luz’s, to instead focus on her words; wanting to move on from this tense uncertainty and start the date so hopefully, maybe, if she was lucky, she could stop feeling so worried.
She swallowed, “Should we get going to-” but as she tried to talk, fumble her way through shaky words, she forgot what they were meant to be doing, where they had planned to go. She felt herself quickly burn a brighter red as she shut her mouth and tried to bite back the tears which began quickly welling in her eyes.
Titan, this was a disaster .
Luz chuckled nervously next to her, clearing her throat and squeezing Amity’s hand herself, shifting her weight on her heels. It made Amity’s throat dry, made the tears she was holding back want to come on stronger; seeing how nervous Luz was too. She felt it should be comforting, knowing she wasn’t the only one afraid, but it only made the panic-y, upset feelings she had been brewing all the worse. She wanted to be the cool one, the one who knew what to do and pulled them both from their nerves and led them on to have a great date. She wanted to sweep Luz off her feet and be charming and coquettish and good at this. Instead she only stood there, panicked and trying not to cry when Luz cleared her throat and finished for her.
“Library,”
Amity laughed in response, trying helplessly to be cool, collected, play it off like some silly thing, but it came out loudly, way, way too loudly, and she flinched at the sound, flinched at the sight of Luz flinching at the sound, flinched at the echoing hurt that wobbled around in her chest, “Right!,” she replied, again too loud, too much. She burned red, “Library,”
She couldn’t ignore how defeated the word came out and she stared intently at Luz, worried the tone would come off as reluctance, a lack of desire to go with her.
Luz only nodded in response, the movement stiff, mechanical. It stung in the back of Amity’s chest. This was not going well. Titan, how was this going as badly as it was?
“Yeah,” Luz replied, voice quiet and shaky, “Let’s go,”
**
Luckily for Amity, her being a new Palisman driver meant she needed to concentrate as she flew them to the library. She could try and calm her mind in the rhythm of flying before they arrived, could try to steady her heart beat and think of anything to say to turn the tone of the evening around as she focused on getting them there safely. Unluckily for Amity, Luz was sitting very close behind her with her hands wrapped around her waist as they flew. It was a necessity for her to hold on, something Amity should have known was coming, but she found herself caught off guard by it. Flushing bright red at the touch and staying that was the whole way over. It was more than a distraction; it was, quite frankly, all Amity could think about the whole way over. Luz’s hands on her skin, holding her close, leaning so that her head rest just barely against Amity’s back such that she could feel her breath, could feel as she adjusted her positioning and looked out at the world below them or up at the clouds above, turning gentle oranges, pinks at the beginning of sunset. It was a miracle, how focused on Luz she was as she flew them, that she didn’t hit anything by the time they arrived. It was a miracle, too, that her skin allowed itself to get that red. That one less of a happy one.
And with that, Luz’s hands on her the whole time, Amity’s hopes that the ride would soothe her mind, remind herself how to talk, how to behave, would give her any sort of idea how to do this, by the time that they arrived were destroyed. Instead she hopped off Ghost too fast, letting the staff fall and, in consequence, rattled Luz a bit. She gave a gentle “Oh!” and fumbled to the ground, catching herself awkwardly, and when Amity rushed to catch her, cry out an overly loud “Sorry!” she only felt herself going all the redder. Which in turn caused Luz to go red. Which in turn made Amity go even redder than she had just turned.
Embarrassed, she turned her head and crossed her arms, trying hard to resist the urge to pick at her fingernails, meddle with her outfit. Instead she took a long breath and tried to slow her mind as she looked towards the setting sun. It was pretty; beautiful and, much to Amity’s surprise, seeing it did help.
If only a bit.
Luz came up next to her, bumping into her shoulder and making Amity’s insides flip with nervousness. Yet, with the easy sight of the world ahead, with her slightly calmed state of mind, they manifested in a sort of pleasant nervousness this time. Finally.
“It’s pretty,” Luz whispered, nodding forwards, towards the clouds, as she spoke it; voice soft and gently, breathy.
Amity nodded, swallowing hard, “Yeah. Are sunsets as pretty in the human realm?”
Luz swallowed too, slowly nodding her head, “I never watched many of them but yes. I’d say so,”
Amity hummed, fingers tingling as she dropped her arms and inadvertently brought her hands too close to Luz’s. Their fingers brushed and Amity’s heart flipped; Luz gasped. It was terrible and terrifying and Amity thought she might be sick but she let her hand linger, waited for Luz to gently bump her hand back, to interlock their pinkie fingers.
And even when she felt her whole face lighting up bright red, the touch lit her up so warm inside, so happy and pleasant and good, that she found herself easing out of some of the remaining nerves altogether. She smiled even despite the way her stomach was continually flipping in circles within her.
“Do you want to go watch it instead?” Amity asked, voice wobbly but coming out lighter, happier than it had all night.
Luz turned to look at her. Amity looked back and it felt like the first time that evening they had done it at all; looked at one another, really. Simply doing it, locking eyes with her as her face loosened into a gentle smile, loosened up that ball of nerves in her chest even more, “Yeah,” she replied, her voice just as wobbly as Amity’s but all the less nervous, “I’d like that,”
Amity nodded and, with some mild nerves (and mild upset at the loss of their interlocked fingers) pulled out her staff, “I know a place,”
Luz smiled again, bigger, more easy, and Amity felt another wave of relief roll over her. She was happy; they were happy and on a date and maybe this wouldn’t go as bad as she was worried it would, as it seemed it was going to, after all, “Let’s hurry, then,”
**
The flight over was easier; the feeling of Luz’s hands on her stomach all the easier to bear. Not some terrible, terrifying thing but a nice, giddy feeling. And maybe it was still just as distracting but Amity found that she didn’t mind anywhere near as much this time around. Instead she found her warming cheeks exciting, her pounding heart exhilarating. And when she landed them she grabbed Luz’s hand without thought and started running, pulling them up the hill at the edge of the forest near her home. The sun was dipping below the horizon and the clouds were orange. Luz’s hand was in her’s and she could hear her heart beating in her ears. She was smiling and laughing as they ran to the top, fell down into the grass together. It was as if some kind of switch had shifted.
All at once it was right. Here they were. Dating. On a date. And it wasn’t scary or bad at all. Instead Luz was laughing and talking and holding her hand and wiggling her way closer to her and Amity was too smitten to care that she was missing all of what they came here for.
Instead she just smiled, ignoring the sunset and instead listening to Luz talk. Ignoring the sunset and instead watching her ; entranced with the way the golden light hit her skin, shining down on her and turning her sparkling shades of a pretty, warm orange. Instead she just smiled and listened as Luz laughed about how nervous she had been just a little bit before, nodding along and shouting her agreement, not caring that it was too loud. Instead she laughed with Luz as they fell back in the grass again and again, giggling madly until they both calmed, staring up at the sky and slowly worming their way over to one another. Instead she just felt her heart beating with a pleasant thrill as Luz tucked her head into the crook of her shoulder, cuddling into her as she grew quiet.
And it still was scary, Amity’s heart still flopped with unrelenting anxiety, her stomach still churned and threatened to upheave itself, but it was lighter; muddied, overpowered with the overwhelming joy of it all.
“Thank you,” Amity found herself blurting out, speaking up to the sky as she shakily took Luz’s hand in her’s.
Luz laughed, the sound wobbly, and she wiggled her way a little closer, “For what?”
“Just,” Amity started, gesturing up to the sky with her free hand, “For this. The date. I’m really happy,”
And even when Amity’s heart started pounding massively in her chest at saying it she felt good. Even better when Luz nodded, “Me too. I really like you,”
And even when it was debilitating, terrifying, insane it was incredible.
Amity nodded, swallowing down her fear, “I really like you, too, Luz,”