Chapter Text
It was in the afternoon of a sunny day when Yoon Sol saw for the first time at the pretty brown-haired girl who would become her greatest adoration for the next few years.
She wasn't the most social person in middle school, in fact, she was always too reserved. She couldn't tell if she really had friends or not, but that wasn't important to her. Yool Sol had always been too focused on her studies, her dream of becoming a renowned sculptor had been set since before she entered middle school and much of the time, she was striving to achieve it; she was a determined person.
That afternoon she had stopped by the park a couple of blocks away from the school, it was final exam season and the idea of spending some time on the swings seemed relaxing after all the school stress. She sat on the green swing on the right, put the headphones in her ears and played a random playlist from her phone.
A long sigh escaped her lips as she closed her eyes, concentrating solely on the soft melodies echoing in her head. She liked that, the tranquility of the moment and the constant satisfaction of knowing that it would be another good academic year for her, her effort had paid off.
Remained in a state of complete tranquility for a few minutes until she was able to hear a loud argument going on around her. Her eyes snapped open and she hurried to pause the music, turning her head slightly to the right.
– This always must happen – exclaimed the boy –, every time I try to see you, he's with you.
Sol's brow furrowed as she visualized how the girl in front of him ducked her head and fiddled with her fingers in nervousness... she was crying.
– It is him who is looking for me, I don't know how to stop him, and...
A frustrated sigh escaped the boy's lips, completely interrupting what she was trying to say.
– Do you allow it, is it so hard to tell him you have a boyfriend?
She pouted after hearing this.
– I did, but he always...
He interrupted again.
– Forget it, you're obviously never going to accept it – he exclaimed as he turned away –, I'm going home.
When he turned his back on her and walked away, she burst into tears. The tears running down her cheeks resembled rain falling during a storm, she seemed to have no comfort at that very moment.
Sol felt sorry, she didn't know the real reason why they were arguing, but she thought the boy was a complete idiot for treating her like that even though she was trying to explain the whole situation. She wanted to get up and walk over to her, ask her if she was okay or if she could help her with anything, but she didn't want to seem like a busybody and, in a failed attempt to leave, some things from her open backpack fell roughly to the ground.
She cursed under her breath; she had forgotten to close it when she pulled her phone out of it.
It was then that the girl's gaze shifted to her and, when their eyes met, she hurried to wipe away the tears that were running down her cheeks. Sol looked away quickly, focusing only on gathering her things to put them back in her backpack, however, she felt paralyzed when she realized that the swing next to her was taken by her.
– You heard it... right?
Sol wanted to answer, but she was unable to do it. She felt her hands begin to tremble, she was not accustomed to talking to the other girls in her middle school, much less when they were as pretty as the one sitting next to her.
She simply nodded.
– Lately he's just been acting like a fool.
She agreed with that, but the social anxiety she was feeling at that precise moment made her unable to speak.
Yoon Sol ducked her head, paying attention only to her hands in a nervous expression.
She felt helpless, she really wished she wasn't so introverted that day, for some strange reason she felt like she should speak up and listen to everything that girl had to say, but she felt frustrated because of not knowing exactly what to say. In addition to the frustration, she also felt confused, for even she wasn't sure if she was feeling this way because didn't know her or if the fact that her beauty was so overwhelming also played a role.
– But well, I think I'm making you uncomfortable with all this, I'm sorry... – she whispered while wiping her cheeks again – I'm being imprudent telling you these things.
It was then that Yoon Sol shook her head, she really wanted to tell him that she could have the confidence to tell him, but all she could do was pull out a small bag of gummy bears that she kept in one of the pockets of her hoodie, immediately giving it to the girl next to her.
The corner of her lips turned up, allowing Sol to see a warm smile.
The taller one looked away, the blush on her cheeks becoming evident and preferred she didn't notice. She didn't understand why she was feeling that way, but her hands began to sweat and a strange feeling in her stomach took over after seeing her smile.
– You are Yoon Sol, right?
A shocked expression appeared on Sol's face, who immediately turned to stare at her. She realized that this had been a bad idea seconds later, as the cute expression that formed on her face after eating the first gummy bear made her feel even more nervous.
– Yes.
That was all she could say.
– You don't talk a lot outside of class either – she laughed softly –, I thought you were just like that at school.
Yoon Sol frowned; had she been taking classes with her all this time? How had she missed the presence of such a glowing person then?
– Seo Jiwan – she introduced herself –, I sit in the back and the teachers usually yell at me a lot for sleeping during class.
A nervous laugh escaped Sol's lips, now she remembered it a little. It was common to hear how teachers constantly scolded a girl named Jiwan, however, she didn't usually pay much attention to her classmates. Sol felt a little embarrassed that she didn't know who she was, I mean, Jiwan seemed to know her, but she didn't know Jiwan... she needed to work a little more on her introversion and be more aware of the people around her.
– Your boyfriend is a jerk.
She said without thinking.
She wished could go back in time when she heard how Jiwan burst out laughing, why had she said that instead of formally introducing herself? She felt annoyed with herself; her brain had betrayed her, I mean, she wasn't lying, she definitely thought the guy was a jerk, but it wasn't her place to tell her when they weren't close, much less because this was the first time they had interacted together.
– I guess you're right.
Sol felt embarrassed.
– I'm sorry, I shouldn't say something like that.
Jiwan shook her head slightly before eating another gummy bear feeling completely grateful to Sol for such a kind act, she really felt she had fallen in love with the treats.
– You are honest, not like the others – Jiwan admitted –, I think we will be good friends.
Sol's heart stopped after hearing that, had such a pretty and surely popular girl just shown interest in being her friend? It was very hard to believe at that moment.
– And Sol... – she whispered, calling the attention of the tallest one – These are the best gummy bears I've ever tasted in my life!
The happy expression on Jiwan's face made Sol suddenly smile, the brunette's good mood seemed to be quite contagious.
↬
– Yoon Sol! – Jiwan exclaimed seconds after entering the classroom.
Sol looked away from her notebook, looking with surprise at Jiwan, who hurried to where she was sitting, occupying the desk next to hers.
What was going on? Sol felt confused, it had been only a day since she had first spoken to Jiwan in the park and yet she was acting as if they had been friends all their lives. This was something completely new to Sol.
– Hi, Jiwan.
Sol smiled as she looked at her, her appearance that day was completely different from how she looked yesterday, she seemed to be more glowing than ever.
– Woah, amazing – she exclaimed impressed –. Did you draw it?
Jiwan pointed to Sol's notebook, who hurried to place her arms on top of the sketch she had just finished. She felt a little embarrassed, it wasn't even as good as she expected it to be. The shorter one frowned as she held Sol's arm carefully, pulling him away from the notebook. She wanted to avoid it, however, Jiwan's touch distracted her completely.
– It's beautiful, it's the park, isn't it?
Sol could only nod.
– I wish I could be like you; you are so talented and dedicated.
She said sincerely.
Sol shook his head slightly. It was impossible to avoid the nervousness she was feeling since Jiwan held her arm, why was she feeling that way? Was she really feeling overwhelmed by the other girl's presence?
– Well, you're pretty.
She said without thinking.
Jiwan's cheeks flushed and, immediately, she put both hands on top of them to hide it a little. She laughed softly because of the compliment, neither of them expected that comment. If she had to be completely honest, Jiwan was used to men telling her she was pretty, however, the fact that it was a girl telling her, so this time had a completely different meaning.
– Yoon Sol, you make me blush.
A little smile appeared on Sol's lips as she looked at Jiwan, she was definitely able to spread happiness.
– But you're really good – she said while looking at the sketch – do you want to be an artist?
– Yes – Sol nodded – I want to apply to Hongseo University's Sculpture Department.
Jiwan clapped her hands after hearing that, she felt happy to notice that Yoon Sol was talking about it with great enthusiasm, she was really trying hard to achieve it.
– That's great, I'm sure that test will be nothing to you, you're so cool.
Since that day Sol and Jiwan became closer, the shorter one constantly looked for her to spend time with her and talk, they really understood each other quite well and really enjoyed their company. For Yoon Sol it meant a lot that she finally had a real friend, however, she used to worry a bit about the sudden emotions she felt when was with Jiwan because she shouldn't feel with a friend, but that was something out of her control.
↬
Sol's heart was completely touched by the fact that Jiwan was really trying to learn how to draw, she was constantly asking her questions about how to progress and had even enrolled in private lessons to improve. The taller one found Jiwan's sudden interest in art a bit curious but preferred not to ask and simply support her in whatever way she could.
That afternoon she had planned to visit Jiwan to give her some tips on shading and color management, so when she arrived at her friend's house, she greeted her mother and immediately went to the short girl’s room, who was completely focused on her notebook.
Sol smiled warmly as she felt her heart Racing, hurriedly pulled the package of gummy bears out of her pocket, and reached over to her, gently touching her shoulder and handing her the treats.
– Yoon Sol!
She exclaimed before wrapping her arms around her friend's neck, drawing her into a hug that Sol accepted only for a couple of seconds. Sol wasn't a very affective person, in fact she didn't usually accept so much physical touch, however, with Jiwan it was different. She was still reserved, but when Jiwan hugged her or held her by the arm, she felt comfortable and calm when she felt her touch.
When she was with Jiwan time passed slowly, she enjoyed his company and always wished she could stay that way forever. Looking into her eyes or analyzing every detail of her face she felt she could draw Jiwan for the rest of her life and would never get bored. With her everything became special, even those things that seemed insignificant, things as small as sharing a meal or watching a movie took on great meaning. She made his life have a completely different perspective.
Sol really liked Jiwan.
Jiwan held the package of gummy bears and opened it immediately, eating a couple and offering them to Sol seconds later.
– Are you progressing?
Sol asked after taking a seat next to her, carefully analyzing Jiwan's finished drawings. She smiled sincerely; it was obvious she was trying hard. Jiwan looked down in nervousness, she felt embarrassed that her works were not as good as Sol's, yet she was trying to catch up so she could keep up with her.
– I think so… not as talented as you, though.
Sol raised an eyebrow as she watched her say that, why Jiwan was so concerned with that, talent was relative, besides, she didn't understand the reason why she compared herself so much to her.
– But you're doing great, you don't have to be so hard on yourself.
She whispered as slipped her arm around Jiwan's shoulders, carefully stroking her arm to comfort her.
– I don't know if it's enough…
Sol separated a little to observe her better, a pout appeared on Jiwan's face and that worried her, it was as if she was about to cry.
The shorter one hadn't confessed to Sol yet that she started to study art a little bit more because she wanted to attend Hongseo University with her, drawing and sculpture seemed interesting, plus she could no longer tolerate the idea of not being by her side.
– I really want to go to Hongseo University, that's why I've been trying so hard.
She finally dared to say it.
Sol looked at her with surprise, she didn’t expect that, however, it made sense now that she was trying so hard, she really wanted to get in. A warm smile appeared on the taller one's face, the thought of being able to stay with Jiwan made her heartbeat faster, it was hard for her to imagine her life without her, losing Jiwan would have been very painful.
– We have a lot of work to do then, don't we?
Sol asked before taking a pencil from Jiwan's desk, holding the notebook in his hands, and starting to explain excitedly.
The shorter one smiled, sometimes Sol's helpful attitude made her heart flutter. Seeing her so focused like that made her realize how beautiful her friend was, such a natural kind of beauty with such an overwhelming presence, she usually shined without even trying. She rested her cheek on top of her hand as she admired Sol, her friend was so dedicated and talented, she was very lucky to have someone like that next to her. She laughed softly, Sol was so pretty, and it made her feel nervous.
Jiwan really liked Sol.
↬
– I can't believe you got drunk like that.
Sol said as they walked together to high school. It was their senior year, and they were a few months away from graduation so some guys in their class wanted to have a party last night, Jiwan agreed right away, and Sol only accepted when she was sure that her friend would also attend.
Jiwan drank too much, so much that she couldn’t get home, having to spend the night with Sol. She had a terrible hangover, but Sol was there to help her get ready for school.
– Remind me never do it again – whispered while pouting, seconds later she held Sol's arm tightly and pulled her a little closer to her body –. It was a bad idea.
Sol chuckled under her breath as she continued walking. She still felt nervous being this close to the shorter one, but she had learned to hide it. She usually felt that she needed to be closer to Jiwan, but not as friends. When Sol looked at her face, she used to imagine how she would feel if could kiss her even once, but she knew that was impossible. She liked Jiwan, but was sure her feelings were not reciprocated, still being friends with her was fine, she felt complete that way.
They were about to enter the institute until they heard a male shout from behind them. As they turned around, they could visualize Park Juwon, the guy Jiwan had been dating for the past few weeks.
– Oh, he…
She was interrupted.
– Is it true that you spent the night at Jiho's house yesterday?
He asked annoyed.
Sol was able to feel Jiwan's hands start to shake as she realized how upset Juwon looked, this made her stand her ground, ready to protect her friend in case he dared to do something stupid.
– That's not true, I slept at Yoon Sol's house and…
He interrupted again.
– Then why are others saying ther saw you with him?
Jiwan bowed her head.
– Well, I don't kno…
He was about to interrupt her once again, but Sol was quicker.
– They just want to start a false rumor, Jiwan is telling the truth, she slept at my house last night.
The boy's brow furrowed after hearing that, but Sol didn't flinch. She didn't want Jiwan to feel bad for a man again like the first time she saw her in the park, she didn't want to experience that feeling of impotence once more.
– You're her friend, clearly you may be lying.
Sol watched him seriously as she moved even closer to Jiwan's body to try to calm her down a bit. Raised an eyebrow as she watched Park Juwon, once again she was in front of him and that stupid expression appeared on his face. She really felt like hitting him for being such a jerk.
– I really don't know who you think you are, but I'm not going to let you talk that way to Jiwan when she's being honest, if you choose not to believe her it's not our problem, it just shows your insecurity and foolishness.
After Sol dared that, Jiwan hurried to look at her. That look of determination and seriousness made even her feel intimidated, but the concern to protect her made her heart grow fonder. Her pretty Sol was always looking out for her safety even though it might get her into trouble.
Park Juwon wanted to say something else, but the expression on Sol's face prevented him from doing it, he had definitely lost to her.
– Get lost, Park Juwon.
The boy looked at Jiwan, but she didn't look back at him. He sighed in frustration but could do nothing but turn around and continue his way, leaving both girls behind.
– Stupid guys always like you.
Sol was about to break away, but Jiwan held her arm tightly, hiding her face in the taller one's neck as some tears ran down her cheeks.
– Hey Jiwan, it's okay if we don't go into class today, we can do something else... whatever you want.
She wasn't one to skip classes, but she didn't want her Jiwan to be sad for the rest of the day; she considered it more important to cheer him up than take classes.
Jiwan smiled through tears, she couldn't control his heart when Sol behaved that way, always worrying about her and putting aside her ideals just to make her feel better. She wanted to stand on her tiptoes so could leave a kiss on her cheek, but she thought that might be weird for her and she didn't want to make her uncomfortable.
– Do you want to go to the park? We can buy some food and hang out there if you want…
It was then when Jiwan pulled away, but only to surprise Sol by wrapping her in a warm hug.
– As long as I'm with you I'll be fine.
↬
Sol remained seated on the green swing while listening to the soundtrack of one of her favorite movies as she waited for her friend. She had a sketchbook in her hands and in it she kept drawing small and delicate lines until Jiwan's face appeared between the lines. A slight sigh escaped from her lips; it was becoming completely involuntary. Sol had a notebook full of sketches and Jiwan's face always appeared in them.
Her feelings for her definitely weren't normal. Jiwan was the only thing going through her head during the day, also at night. When she woke up, while she was studying and even before she went to sleep. The cute expression on her face always came back to her mind, also how tender she looked when she pouted when wasn't happy with something. She was simply too cute for the taller girl's heart to calm down and her brain to concentrate.
She used to think about her touch, the smell of her hair and the warmth of her body when they slept together, she thought about what it would be like to hug her, hold her hand and even how it would feel to kiss her, but all those thoughts made her feel guilty. This was her best friend and yet she couldn't stop thinking about her that way.
Sol closed the sketchbook seconds after he felt a pair of hands cover her eyes. She tried to remove them, but the shorter one seemed to refuse.
– Guess who I am?
She laughed softly after asking that.
– Ah, Seo Jiwan.
They both smiled after she uncovered her eyes and walked to face her, raising her arms happily and greeting her in that characteristic way.
– Yoon Sol!
Sol burst out laughing as she watched her friend do a little dance in front of her as she clapped her hands together and sang to her wishing happy birthday.
It wasn't the first birthday she spent with Jiwan, but that didn't matter at all. In fact, didn't even matter that it was her birthday, Sol always appreciated the little moments she shared with her friend and was grateful for it.
And when Sol was just reaching into her pocket to pull out the bag of gummy bears, Jiwan held her hand, stopping it.
– Today I have a present for you.
Sol didn't know how to react when her friend's hands reached out to her, Jiwan was holding a gift box only waiting her to accept it. The taller one silently thanked her as she took the box and analyzed it closely. Jiwan insisted that she open it and it didn't take her long to obey. The cute expression on her friend's face was priceless and it made Sol feel even more grateful.
They were both silent for a few seconds when Yoon Sol finally realized what the box contained. It was a yellow headset with a retro looking.
– Do you like it? I saw you looked at them for a long time in the store the other day.
Jiwan sounds a little nervous because she couldn’t read Sol's reaction.
The taller one felt her lips begin to tremble, she hadn't even had to mention that she liked them, Jiwan was able to figure it out on her own and that meant she was really paying attention.
Sol didn't want to cry, but she felt so happy and grateful to her friend that it was impossible to avoid it. Jiwan watched her worriedly as she noticed the tears running down her cheeks, rushing to give Sol a hug. Some other day the taller one would have quickly pulled away, however, she felt so happy that day that she allowed herself to appreciate her touch.
– I love them, but you really didn't have to buy them, they were expensive and...
Jiwan interrupted, hugging her harder. A huge smile appeared on her face after hearing that Sol had really liked her gift. She was right, it wasn't easy to buy them, but she was working hard to be able to give Sol a gift.
– That doesn't matter, it's something I really wanted to give you because I love you, Yoon Sol.
The taller one felt her heart race after hearing that. She knew perfectly well that she didn't love her in the same way, but the simple fact that she heard it made herself feel better.
↬
Jiwan was lying on her bed even though Sol had gotten up at least ten minutes earlier, it was weekend and the taller one had spent the night at her place because they were late for a movie night.
Sol was in front of Jiwan's mirror while she brushed her hair, the shorter one watched from the bed and felt her cheeks blush, Sol always looked so pretty in the mornings. Jiwan giggled under her breath seconds after her friend tied her hair in a ponytail as usual.
She raised her eyebrow before stretching out between the sheets ready to stand up. When she did she walked to her desk and held up a red bandana she had bought, but never wore. It didn't take her long to approach Sol, who was still analyzing her reflection through the mirror. Jiwan didn't think much of it, so she held her friend's face gently, making Sol turn to look directly at her.
Jiwan's touch on her cheek made her stop breathing, she held the shorter one's hand and gently pushed it away from her face, she really didn't want to be this nervous in front of her friend, she didn't want to be so obvious.
– I think this would look nice on you.
Sol frowned as he looked at the bandana that remained in Jiwan's hands.
The shorter one held her by the shoulders and forced to sit in front of the desk, she always remained at her back while she helped her put on the bandana. Jiwan smiled in delight watching how beautiful Sol looked, it definitely looked perfect on her. The taller one ducked her head as she felt nervous about her friend's expression, lately it was a little harder for her to hide her feelings for Jiwan.
– Yoon Sol, you look so pretty! – she exclaimed cheerfully – I'm so proud of me.
That day Jiwan kept reminding Sol how cute she looked in that bandana, so she started wearing them more often until they became part of her style. Once again, her friend had influenced an important aspect of her personality, she would definitely be lost without Seo Jiwan.
↬
A few days had passed since the college admission test and the atmosphere in Seoul had been rather quiet since a few days before the test date. That morning the results were published and the happiness on Sol's face was evident, she passed the exam. She was on her way to school in the morning and, as usual, passed by the park. She didn't intend to stop, but she did when saw Jiwan on the swings.
She smiled and didn't doubt to approach but frowned as she noticed the pout that formed on her face, she looked really sad. Jiwan didn't have to say anything for Sol to understand what was going on, she just knew Jiwan was sad because she had failed the exam. No word was spoken by the two of them and instead all Jiwan could do was rest her head on Sol's belly, who was still standing in front of her.
Sol was able to hear her friend crying, but she didn't know exactly what she should say at that moment. She felt that impotence again, however, she didn't want to remain silent like the first time she saw her. Gently she stroked her head in a failed attempt to comfort Jiwan.
– You did your best, that's all what matters.
The shorter one nodded as she clung to her friend's waist, who was still stroking her hair.
Despite that Jiwan felt disappointed, she really worked hard to get into college with Sol, she didn't want to be separated from her, the simple idea of that terrified her. She didn't want to sound selfish, but she wanted her friend to stay with her for the rest of her life, it bothered her to imagine the fact that Sol could find a new best friend in college and push her aside. Or even worse, that she might get a boyfriend... in that case she would be replaced, as a boy would have all her attention.
Jiwan felt a strange feeling in her stomach as she imagined Sol dating with someone else. She was dedicated but could definitely get a boyfriend because besides being pretty, Sol was too nice to others, it was impossible for them not notice her.
Why did she feel so upset now, was it because she was afraid of losing Sol or for another reason? Now she wasn't just sad, she was confused too. Imagining her Sol with a man didn't like her at all, she didn't want something like that happen. Guys used to be complete jerks and she only deserved good things in her life, Yoon Sol deserved someone who would love her and treat her with the respect she deserved.
On the other hand, Sol felt very sad, she had already got used to the idea of being together with Jiwan at the university, but if she had failed the exam she had to face the idea of being without her. She didn't feel an emotional dependence on Jiwan, however, she really loved seeing her and spending time with her.
– I really wanted to pass.
Sol nodded; she knew it.
– I'm scared, Yoon Sol...
– Scared? Why?
Asked as she stepped back a little so she could look directly at her.
– You will have more friends in college, get busy and no longer be with me.
She said in tears.
That was something new for both. They had been friends for years but had never gotten used to talking about their feelings. Usually, they could tell their moods by body language, but they almost never talked about it because dealt with it in their own way, but that day seemed to be different.
– Seo Jiwan, that's not going to happen... you're the most important to me.
On a normal day she wouldn't say something like that, but this was being a day totally different. Hearing Sol's words, Jiwan's eyes changed completely. The taller girl's cheeks reddened slightly as she saw the expression on her friend's face, who didn't take long to hug her again.
– I will do my best and try again next year.
Sol wanted to pull away, but Jiwan stopped her.
– I'll catch up, I promise.
Sol couldn't explain the peace of mind she felt when she heard Jiwan say that she would try again. Neither wanted to separate and it was going to be a hard first year for both, they would have to adjust to each other's schedules and understand that they wouldn't have the same flexibility, but still, Sol was willing to give it a try. Still, she was scared, what was supposed to do without Jiwan? She had always been the one who helped her socialize with the others and, if she wasn't there, it would certainly be very complicated for Sol to make friends with any of her classmates, even so she would try to make her best friend proud.
On the other hand, Jiwan had just forgotten why she was sad, failing the exam took a back seat after Yoon Sol confessed that she was the most important to her. Was it wrong for her to get emotional like that? She didn't know but she also didn't care at that moment, so she just closed her eyes and enjoyed the closeness of her best friend for the longest time possible.
↬
It had been a complicated week for Yoon Sol, the university was definitely more demanding than she had imagined and not being together with Jiwan during classes had made it even more difficult. The class had come to an end, and she hurried to put her notebooks in the backpack with the purpose of leaving the classroom, but she turned around when heard the female voice of the girl sitting behind her. Yu Nabi was a nice person, she couldn't say that she was her friend because she didn't interact with her too much yet, but the times they had talked she was an overly kind person, she liked that.
– Sol, today some friends and I are going to lunch, do you want to come?
The taller one raised an eyebrow after hearing the proposal, it was the first time she was invited to something, however, she already had plans with Jiwan for after school and if she canceled, she would have to find a way to make her friend not to be upset.
Sol wanted to accept, but she also didn't want to cancel the plans she had with her best friend. It had been a difficult week and she needed that peace of mind she felt when she saw her, she wanted him to hold her arm and walk together until they got to her house and enjoy the movie, they decided to watch that night. Still, the opportunity to spend more time with her classmates sounded too inviting.
– I would like to, but I'm meeting a friend today.
Nabi was silent for a couple of seconds until she dared to ask.
– From university?
Sol denied.
– She's my best friend since middle school, Jiwan wanted to join Hongseo, but she couldn't pass the exam. She will try next year.
Nabi nodded after listening to Sol's explanation.
– So, she likes art as well – Sol nodded –. If that' s the case, you can bring her too. The others want to know you better and I don't think they will have a problem.
An expression of surprise invaded Sol's face, this was too good. She knew Jiwan and was sure she wouldn't have a problem accepting, fortunately she was a very outgoing person. Besides things would become even easier for her, she was usually a little less quiet when she was with Jiwan.
– Really?
– Sure, you can call her and tell her to come to college, we'll leave in an hour when the others are done.
Nabi gave some more explanations to Sol before leaving the classroom, the taller one hurried to grab her phone and send a message to Jiwan, who didn't take too long to reply. It was a simple proposal in which she only told her that some of her classmates from the university had invited her to lunch and that they had no problem if she came.
Sol smiled as she read Jiwan's reply message; "of course" accompanied by a cute emoticon.
Sol didn't need social approbation, but she liked to make a good first impression so the atmosphere with her classmates didn't feel tense, that used to make her even more uncomfortable. She brushed her hair a bit, finished putting her things back and left the classroom with the intention of meeting up with the others. As she left the university could identify the group of students smoking and talking to each other, among them was Nabi. Sol removed her headphones as she approached the group and it didn't take too long for Nabi to introduce her, the others seemed nice.
They waited a few more minutes for a girl named Bit-na who had received a warning call from one of the professors, so she was running a little late.Sol had a nice conversation with Nabi and another girl named Seyoung, both seemed to be truly intrigued by the natural talent the taller one had for art, they hadn't spent many days at the university but it was too easy to tell that Yoon Sol stood out from the others.
– Yoon Sol!
Sol turned slightly as she made out Jiwan's voice in the distance and smiled, it didn't take long for her friend to run up to her and almost knock her down with a hug.
The others watched her warily, so Nabi had to quickly explain the situation. Sol appreciated the fact that the others did not seem uncomfortable by the sudden arrival of the shorter one.
– Nice to meet you, my name is Seo Jiwan, I'm Sol's friend.
She introduced herself as she bowed, the others soon followed suit, introducing themselves in return.
Being the first time they had seen Jiwan she had to answer a few questions that the others asked, fortunately she didn't feel uncomfortable and was able to answer all of them with facility. Jiwan was a naturally friendly and fun person, so she fit into the conversation with ease. Sol just smiled as she noticed the enthusiasm on her friend's face, she was excited to meet new people.
– She's pretty – Nabi said, Seyoung agreed.
It was true, that afternoon Jiwan was wearing a nice white dress with some flower prints, her hair was down, and she was wearing a nice headband. Sol felt her cheeks blush as she realized that she already had been watching her friend for a long time, but it was impossible to avoid it when she looked this beautiful.
– Nice, everyone is very kind here, Sol.
Jiwan said smiling as she held Sol's arm.
Nabi gave them both a warm smile. Jiwan seemed to be a totally different person from Sol, she was outgoing and eloquent while Sol was a more focused and reserved person, it made sense that the two got along so well; they were each other's complement.
When Bit-na arrived they were able to leave for the restaurant, it was a place that specialized in meat, and they all intended to go for a drink to make the conversation flow a little better. It didn't take too long for them to walk there, but in those minutes Jiwan and Sol were catching up.
– This is a nice place!
Jiwan exclaimed, Sol smiled as she noticed her friend's enthusiasm.
The conversation was nice, everyone got along quite well while enjoying food and drinks, they played some games and answered some questions to get to know each other well, the evening was going perfect for Sol until something definitely not in her plans happened.
The table fell completely silent as one of the restaurant's waiters approached. He held a small blank piece of paper and didn't doubt to hand it to Jiwan, who looked at it confused. The boy's cheeks were red, and he faltered a bit before speaking. He didn't have to say anything for Sol to understand what was going on and she started to get annoyed when he finally had the guts to speak.
– Excuse me, but I wanted to know if I could have your number.
He asked while bowing.
The silence was broken, and the others started an uproar, they were shocked by what had just happened and it didn't take long for them to show it, encouraging Jiwan to give it to him.
– Well, I…
– Please – he interrupted –, you are very pretty, and I promise to treat you well if agree to give me your number.
Jiwan smiled in nervousness before holding the pen and starting to write on the paper and Sol, noticing this, decided to look away. It wasn't the first time something like this happened, her friend was pretty and it was impossible for the boys not to notice her, still she couldn't avoid feeling annoyed every time something like this happened. She had tolerated the fact that Jiwan had boyfriends before, but it had been so long since the last boy she dated, Sol forgot how bad it felt.
Sol hated that feeling, she really hated liking Jiwan. It was such a painful feeling, but at the same time it was kind of cute. Her feelings for her friend were nice when she was with her, walking home, when Jiwan ran to hug her and every time they spent quality time together, but she hated it every time she had to tolerate seeing her with someone else.
– Thank you very much! I will be calling you as soon as possible!
He exclaimed before running off to the kitchen.
Jiwan didn't know what to say when everyone at the table started congratulating her, the comments from the girls saying he was cute were heard multiple times, but she was only able to notice Sol's silence. She didn't understand why she wasn't even staring at her, just drinking the soju while watching the door of the restaurant.
– Ah, she's so lucky.
Bit-na mentioned while pointing at Jiwan.
– He's attractive, I really wish I could be Jiwan now.
She said as she leaned her head back on the table, the drinks started to take effect.
Jiwan looked down and fiddled with his hands nervously. She had dated boys before, but her experiences had never been great. Besides she wasn't very interested in dating at present, she was concentrating a lot on the college exam and catching up with Yool Sol. She raised her head to look at her friend, but she was now just looking at her phone. Why suddenly was she acting like that?
– I don't know if I want to date, I have a lot of studying and...
She couldn't finish the sentence because the others started a fuss, they were arguing among themselves about should Jiwan go out with the boy or not, but she didn't understand why they were doing it, I mean, at the end of the day it was solely up to her.
– But you can't miss an opportunity like this, he could be your soulmate.
– My soulmate?
Jiwan asked, the others nodded.
– You know, somebody that you feel a deep affinity. A person you could be with for the rest of your life and you'd be comfortable with that.
Someone she could spend the rest of her life with and feel comfortable. The only one with whom she has experienced something similar has been with Sol, she is always there to listen to her and accompany her in the hardest moments, she is the one who helped her get back on her feet every time she hit rock bottom and someone who knew she could trust for the rest of her life. Jiwan loved Sol, she was her best friend and she wanted to be with her forever, so.... could you say that she was her soulmate?
– Well, still…
Bit-na interrupted again.
– You're cute Jiwan, you deserve to date a handsome guy like him, don't you think so, Yoon Sol?
Sol's hands shook after hearing that question and her phone almost fell to the floor, but she was able to avoid it. She looked up to watch Jiwan but couldn't decipher the expression on her face. She was upset, but she couldn't be selfish, Jiwan was one of the best persons in the world and she definitely deserved a guy who was really interested in her and she couldn't say something negative just because she was jealous.
Why were they asking her, why couldn't they say that she was uncomfortable with this? She obviously didn't want Jiwan to date anyone else, she couldn't bear the thought of having to suffer like that again. Sol hated all her friend's boyfriends and she was sure this one would be no exception, she hated them out for envy.
– Well, I think you should go out with him... he seemed very interested.
Sol dared to say.
Jiwan felt as if she was sinking into the sea after hearing Sol's words, she was upset to know that her friend was thinking that she should go out with him too, but she didn't know the reason why. She looked at Sol, who showed her a small smile and just ducked her head, looking at her hands once again.
– Do you think so, Sol?
She wanted to say no, that she shouldn't date anyone else, she should see her in the same way Sol saw her, but she couldn't do it. She didn't want to ruin it.
She just nodded.
– Well… then I'll have to wait for his call.
↬
A few weeks had passed since the waiter called Jiwan for the first time, they had already dated three times and that night she was at Sol's place telling her a little about what she had done with the boy the day before. It was being quite a torture for the taller girl, but she couldn't ask her to stop, Jiwan always used to tell her what was going on during their dates and it would be too obvious that something was wrong. Jiwan had gone to lunch with him, his name was Kim Jihoon. He had paid the bill and escorted her home before nightfall. They talked nicely and he kept mentioning the idea of meeting again, but apparently Jiwan couldn't confirm anything, even though it was still a possibility.
Jiwan was on the bed next to her as she talked, the only difference being that Yoon Sol had laid down and the shorter one was still sitting.
– He was kind and respectful, I think I might see him again.
It was then that Yoon Sol wanted to bang her head against the wall repeatedly, she couldn't stand it. This thing about having hidden feelings for her friend was not fun.
– That's great, Jiwan.
She lied.
However, Jiwan didn't like Kim Jihoon, he was a nice guy and liked her, but for some reason she couldn't reciprocate his feelings. He was attractive and respectful, but that didn't seem to be enough to captivate her. Still, she wanted to give him another chance, maybe things would be different next time, plus she didn't want to disappoint Sol, she liked the idea that she was trying to date someone who finally respected her.
– Everything was fine, but in one ocassion he tried to hold my hand and I felt very nervous.
Sol's jaw tensed. The simple idea of imagining someone else holding Jiwan's hand made her blood boil, she didn't feel good. She wanted to stop, she would give anything to stop all these feelings for her friend, but it was impossible. Many years had passed, and her feelings were only getting stronger as time passed.
Sol wanted to think that Jiwan had felt nervous because she was having a hard time getting used to physical contact from men, she really wished that was happening and not that she felt that way because she liked Jihoon.
– You get easily nervous.
The shorter one's brow furrowed. She didn't feel that she got nervous easily, was an outgoing person and a little reckless occasionally so it couldn't possibly be about that.
– Of course not.
Sol nodded.
– Sometimes you're a little bit shy in those situations.
Jiwan then began to hit Sol's shoulders lightly, feeling disgusted by what she just said. She wasn't a shy person, she controlled those situations very well, so.... why was Sol saying all those things? She was definitely confused.
– Yoon Sol, stop lying! I'm not shy! You're just saying these things to bother me and…
But she couldn't even finish. Jiwan felt Sol turn quickly, grabbing her wrist and forcing her to lie down on the bed. Her friend's grip was firm, and her face was just inches from hers. Her expression made her feel nervous and it didn't take too long for her cheeks to blush. This position was too compromising because she had no escape, Sol was on top of her and she was unable to free herself from her grip.
– Do you see it? You get nervous easily.
Jiwan felt her breathing relax after hearing Sol say that, yet her focus was only on Sol's lips now. Why did she have to be so close? She looked even prettier at that distance even though Jiwan believed that was impossible.
Sol hadn't even thought about it, in fact, she wasn't even aware of what was happening until a couple of seconds later. She felt her cheeks burn and released her, turning quickly to turn away from her again. What the hell had she just done?
Jiwan stayed in the same position for a few minutes while Sol lamented under her breath. Neither of them understood what just happened but thought it better not to talk about it. The shorter one stared at the roof, remembering the image of Sol's face so close to hers. She smiled; it was something that would be very difficult to forget. A sigh escaped her lips and she turned around, wrapping her arms around Sol's waist as she hid her blushing face behind her back.
– I'm tired, let's sleep.
Jiwan whispered.
Sol closed her eyes as she felt Jiwan's grip get tighter. She sighed; she couldn't feel more regretful at that moment.
She could feel her eyes glaze over a few seconds after Jiwan fell into a deep sleep. It was hurting so much, it hurt her so much to have to hide all those feelings for her, but at the same time she liked that it hurts. Her friend was her biggest inspiration, she was the one she thought of when painting and sculpting, she thought of Jiwan when she talked about happiness and love, it was a beautiful feeling that at the same time was killing her, Sol didn't know how much longer she could stand it and she didn't want to know either. It was something she couldn't explain because physically they were close, but emotionally couldn't be further apart. Despite all that Sol was fine with Jiwan being her friend because having her that way was definitely better than not being with her at all. A couple of tears fell down her cheeks. She felt as if Jiwan's touch was burning her that night, but she couldn't do anything about it. She didn't want her dating someone else, and if she did, she didn't want to know. It was then that she began to wonder if it was even possible for her relationship with her friend to stay like this forever, I mean.... could they be this close for the rest of their lives? It was painful to admit, but the chances of things staying the same were practically impossible.
Sol decided not to give the matter anymore thought and go to sleep, thinking about these things didn't do anything good to her stability.
↬
Jiwan was walking with Jihoon on a Saturday afternoon. They had both decided to see a movie that day and when it was over, he had once again offered to walk her home. They didn't share many words on the way, but she could tell he was a little more nervous than usual, especially after she didn't allow him to hold her hand. When they reached her home, Jihoon stopped in front of Jiwan, staring at the ground for a couple of seconds before daring to speak.
Jiwan's brow furrowed as she watched him pull a small bracelet out of his pocket, showing it to her a couple of seconds later. His cheeks were flushed and the trembling in his hands was evident. Jihoon was a tall and thin guy, his black hair was brushed to the side and his smile was adorable, he had a deep voice that denoted confidence, but that day nervousness was invading him.
– Seo Jiwan... we've already had a couple of dates and I've liked you since the first day I saw you.
Oh no.
She knew perfectly well what was coming.
– I've been thinking about it all night and I dared to tell you this today because I really want us to formalize.
Jiwan stopped breathing. She was in too uncomfortable a situation and wanted to disappear. She knew this was a possibility, but she didn't think it would come so quickly. She liked Jihoon, but she didn't want to be his girlfriend, she wasn't even interested in the idea of having a relationship with him in the future. Besides she wasn't ready to date someone like that, it felt like she was being cheating even though she didn't know why.
She had agreed to date boys before despite never being sure, but she didn't want something like that happening again. She had a lot of bad experiences with her previous relationships and didn’t feel ready to start one. She knew that rejecting a guy as sweet as Jihoon would be hard, but she had to think more about her for the first time. Jiwan was an empathic person who usually prioritized the welfare of the people she cared about before her own, but she didn't want something like that to happen that day, she had to change. Besides lately when she talked to Jihoon all she could think about was her best friend, how she always preferred to hang out with her instead of hanging out with him. Was that wrong? Was something normal? There were so many unanswered questions, but it was impossible to keep Yoon Sol's image from coming into her head at that moment.
– Jihoon, you are a good man and it would be unfair for me to accept your proposal when I'm not sure about my feelings for you.
She dared to say.
Jihoon's eyes fell, feeling a little embarrassed by Jiwan's sudden rejection.
– I don't want you to think I'm ungrateful, but right now I'm not too sure if I want a relationship.
She thought about the good times she had spent with him, he didn't deserve something like that, but she couldn't ignore her feelings either. She also thought about Sol, the fact that she would have to tell her that refused Jihoon and she wouldn't know how to explain the reason, didn't want things to be misunderstood.
– You're very sweet and deserves someone who can love you in the same way, but you won't find that person in me... I'm sorry.
Jihoon nodded, however, he didn't remove the bracelet. He kept offering it to her, Jiwan watched in confusion.
– I would still wish you to accept this.
She gave him a warm smile before taking his hands, pulling them closer to his chest, rejecting the gift.
– I'd like you to keep it and give it as a gift when you finally find that person.
Jihoon was looking at the floor all the time, but when he heard that he dared to look at her directly. Jiwan was a glowing person, her smile was contagious and her eyes conveyed happiness all the time. Even after rejecting him, she didn't seem to lose her charm, he wasn't annoyed or disappointed with her, in fact, he thought that was one of the reasons why he liked Jiwan so much. She never lost her sparkle, even in the bad times.
This seemed to be a goodbye for both and Jihoon could only think that the person who could conquer Jiwan would be the luckiest person in the world, because she was one of those people who met only once in a lifetime. She was unique.
↬
– Yoon Sol!
Jiwan screamed as she walked into the classroom.
Sol could hear her best friend's scream and hurried to take off her headphones. This was Jiwan's first day at the university and, despite being a year apart, the shorter girl had chosen some classes that matched her best friend's classes. Sol grinned from ear to ear as Jiwan started running towards her, giving her a big hug when she arrived. The idea that they would be in college together had already sunk in, but despite that she couldn't contain the excitement she was feeling now. Once again, she would be together with Jiwan for as long as she liked and that made her very happy. Jiwan was quick to sit down at the desk next to hers and smiled when Sol pulled a pack of gummy bears out of her backpack, handing it to her immediately.
They were talking for a couple of minutes before the class started, the conversation flowed naturally, but while they were chatting Sol couldn't stop looking at her best friend's beauty. Jiwan looked beautiful that day, she was wearing a hair band and it was a point in her favor, it made her look even more cute than she already was. They both kept silent since the professor arrived and stayed that way until the class came to an end, being the anatomical drawing class Sol did her best, concentrating as much as she could while taking notes and making some sketches in her notebook. On the other hand, Jiwan was also concentrating until she made the bad decision to look at her best friend. Her heart skipped a beat when she saw Sol so focused, she always looked more attractive in that state. Contrary to her, the taller one didn't have to try too hard to look pretty, Sol's beauty was quite natural.
Every aspect of Sol was cute, from his hands to the shape of her face. And not just physically, in addition to that Sol was a capable person and dedicated to everything she was passionate about. She had a natural talent for art and even so she always gave her best to be even better. Jiwan admired her best friend so much, she was her biggest role model since they were in middle school.
– Ah, too much information to process.
Bit-na complained just after the professor left the classroom.
– A complaint, not surprising coming from you.
Jiwan joked making everyone else laugh.
Since the first time they had gone out together, Jiwan had become one of their group of friends, Sol could tell that her friend was even closer to them than she was because despite talking to them, she was still concentrating a bit more on her academic progress.
Bit-na pretended to laugh as she approached Jiwan, who pretended to hide behind Sol. The other girl only gently tapped her shoulder before sitting down next to her and catching Nabi's attention, forcing her to join them.
– A few days ago, I found this dating app.
Jiwan and Nabi looked closely at Bit-na's phone as she showed them some pictures of the guy she dated the night before, but Sol didn't pay much attention to her, in fact, she only heard Jiwan's comment that he was attractive. That made her feel a little uncomfortable. Bit-na continued to talk about her date, apparently the guy was even more attractive in person, but he wasn't exactly a gentleman. Sol wanted to interrupt by saying she would go to the rooftop to smoke, but as she was about to stand up could feel how Jiwan grabbed her arm, forcing her to stay.
The red-haired one insisted that the three of them should download it as well so they could meet more men, but none of them seemed very convinced so far. Sol noticed that Bit-na got a little more insistent with Jiwan, that confused her. Her best friend just chuckled under her breath before looking directly at her, Sol quickly broke eye contact. They talked for a couple of minutes longer until the taller one finally commented that she was going to smoke, Jiwan wanted to join her. The grip on Sol's arm didn't break until they reached the rooftop, both leaned against one of the walls and watched the scenery in front of them while smoking a little. They were quiet for a while until the taller one dared to speak.
– So... will you download the app?
She asked before taking another puff of the cigarette. Jiwan turned slightly to look at her, but Sol didn't do the same, she continued to appreciate the view.
Sol tried to make it sound less serious but failed. She just hoped that Jiwan didn't pay too much attention to her attitude because it had been obvious. Fortunately, the shorter one didn't think about that, she had paid attention only to the question and not to how her best friend asked it.
– I don't know. Dating guys is fun, but I guess I'm not really interested in that lately.
She said with her characteristic energy. Jiwan was happy that day because she could be with Sol every day at school again, so she wasn't interested at all in dating anyone else. Still, she was curious about how the application worked, it sounded a bit interesting.
– I think I will – she said after some thought –, but I don't know if I want to date yet.
Sol's jaw tightened and her fists clenched, the ash from her cigarette fell to the ground from the force of her grip and she felt unfocused. If Jiwan wasn't sure she wanted dating she shouldn't download the app, right? Or was she even considering trying again? Once again that uncomfortable feeling invaded her body.
She felt annoyed even though she shouldn't, Jiwan was just her friend and she could date whoever she wanted, but she couldn't avoid feeling that way. Her cigarette was completely consumed and Sol scratched her head in frustration, she definitely wasn't holding back. She let out a sigh and turned to look at Jiwan, who was holding the vape in his hands.
– Don't do it.
She said seriously.
– What?
Jiwan looked at her with surprise, seeing Sol so serious always made her feel intimidated and this was no exception. The atmosphere had become quite heavy, and both could play that they would cut the tension with some scissors, but once again decided not to talk about it. They used to keep a lot of things to themselves so their relationship wouldn't become awkward, but at this point they weren't sure if that was the right choice.
– Don't date anyone else.
Jiwan felt her cheeks begin to burn at seeing Sol like that. Her voice became deeper, and she felt that it was the first time she looked at her that firm. For the taller one saying that was her way of telling Jiwan that she shouldn't notice anyone else, that she wished she loved her in the same way, but she knew her best friend wasn't going to understand it. Sol thought that if the situation were different, she would have moved even closer to Jiwan and looked her in the eyes as she dared to say everything she felt since middle school. She would ask her if there was a chance that someday she could see her in another way, as something more than a friend, but obviously none of that was going to happen, she just wouldn't dare to do it.
Noticing the expression on Jiwan's face, she finally snapped out of that trance. She said all that without thinking and now she was regretting it. Why must her brain switch off every time she felt jealous?
– I mean... don't do it if you're not sure.
She tried to fix it.
– Oh, I won't – said a couple of seconds later – but Sol… I thought you were upset.
What she just said was true, Jiwan had been able to perceive a bit of bother in Sol's voice, but it was something she couldn't be sure of. She knew her friend quite well, the problem was when the taller one got so serious was a little more complicated to be sure of what she was feeling.
Sol felt a little nervous knowing that Jiwan had been able to notice it after all, but she kept her composure. She turned her head slightly so she could stare at her before saying anything else.
– Why would I be?
Jiwan looked away before ducking her head. She was wrong even though she had clearly identified her friend's discomfort, but apparently, she wasn't.
They were on the rooftop until their next class, but after that it was impossible for them not feeling awkward. The rest of the day passed slowly and when classes came to end, Sol waited for Jiwan at the entrance of the university so they could go home together. The shorter girl ran to her side and hurried to hold her arm, but the image and words of Sol on the rooftop kept popping into her head. She still didn't understand what happened, but.... Why when she remembered it did her heart race?
Jiwan couldn't identify it at the time, but that day was the first time she saw Sol as something more, her serious behavior due to jealousy had triggered something in Jiwan, something she hadn't felt before.