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Katsuki was tired. Tired of feeling like a failure, tired of being looked at like he was a villain, tired of everything.
He took out all remaining frustration and anger he had on Deku. He fought with him at Ground Beta and lost..he fucking lost the fight. And then he cried. Cried like a little bitch in front of the hero whose carrier he had ruined because he was weak.
Aizawa gave them both house arrest and chores but Katsuki wasn’t even listening. He wanted to go back to his dorm.
He had tried to get rid of his anger, and for awhile it worked but god dammit it came back so fast.
He didn’t know what to do with it now. With the mix of that, everything that had happened with All Might, and his own parents’ words of his true nature ringing in his ears...he was tired.
Katsuki walked back to his dorm numb. Deku tried to apologize..or something like that. Katsuki didn’t hear him.
He felt a hand on his shoulder and was turned to face the green haired kid.
“I’m serious Kacchan! I didn’t mean to make you upset or anything”
‘You didn’t mean to...but you did.’ Because Deku was always so perfect. He got everything Katsuki wanted. Just when Katsuki thought he was surpassing everyone, just when he thought he was finally one top, Deku came and kicked him off his pillar.
Katsuki knew he had no right to feel what he did. He knew it so painfully well and that only added to the ache in his chest that grew bigger and bigger every passing day.
He was the bully in this situation. He was the one who tormented Deku. He was the villain. He deserved all the self hatred and loathing he got.
He was the one undeserving of friends, of support, and UA. He was tired.
“It’s fuckin...whatever. Just go back to sleep.” He wondered if Deku slept with same paranoia as him. Did Deku fear that every creak in the night was a villain that had returned? Or was he comforted? Did he feel safe in his room with his All Might posters and pictures of his friends while Bakugou stared at blank off-white ceilings every night feeling more alone than ever, even when he had all of 1-A in speed dial.
Katsuki moved passed Deku, who looked rejected and a bit upset, but remained quiet. Katsuki no longer held his head up in false pride. His raw hands were stuffed in his pocket and his eyes fixated on the ground.
He passed Kirishima’s dorm and then finally got to his own, right beside it. He glanced at the red head’s door. The red head who always seemed to come back to him. The red head who insisted they were equals and actually tried to make friends with him. Why he stopped to look at the door as if Kirishima would magically appear he didn’t know...
Was it selfish of him to want to talk to Kiri...or at least be in his presence? He thought so. It was selfish to think Kiri would really want to be woken up by an emotionally numb Bakugou. It was selfish to dream that maybe...just maybe, Kirishima would see how hurt Katsuki was without him having to say it. It was selfish to hope that maybe Kiri would comfort him. Tell him everything was ok...so maybe he could pretend it was.
Katsuki stepped into his own dorm and closed the door behind him. His dorm was cold and dark. The moonlight spilled over window sills and onto his floor.
Katsuki glanced around and found a sweatshirt. He pulled it over his torso and sore muscles.
He sat on the edge of his bed and stared into space.
Whatever All Might had said, not even an hour ago, about not blaming himself was lost.
All Might said that out of pity, not truth or honesty.
His mind turned to thoughts of Deku. The once quirkless looser he told to jump off a roof who now had the quirk of his idol. Who was favored by All Might, who the class loved and embraced with open arms. The kid who’s mother consoled him with soft words when he was crying instead of demands and shouts.
The kid who’s home was warm, inviting, and secure instead of cold, loud, and dangerous.
The kid who was nothing like Katsuki. And because of that, he was better.
Because Katsuki was a villain. He was weak, and he broken, and hated, and tired.
And he knew that well. He got the message a long time ago.
His hand subconsciously raised to his bicep. He pushed the sleeve of the sweatshirt back. He released an explosion. Searing pain surged thru his arm.
His mind was racing. Everything was too loud. His thoughts, the explosion, his mother’s words, Deku’s words, All Mights too... his fears of what the other students would say.
No doubt rumors would spread. Everyone had probably heard the fight and who else would be fighting in the middle of the night? It would be pinned on him immediately. What with Izuku’s blabbermouth and him being the only student capable of explosions like the ones heard, it was obvious.
They’d all talk- thinking he couldn’t hear a word they said- Katsuki couldn’t stop them from talking- about him-
And he couldn’t stand it.
Why did this keep happening? He wanted the spotlight for so long but not like this-
Not like this...
His mind was racing-
But that all calm to a halt with a single knock to the door.
The blonde looked up, eyes wide with fear. His pulled his sleeve down, ignoring the burned arm and got up.
God damnit...no...he woke someone up. He bothered someone.
All the emotions he felt were drained away. Maybe it was his brain trying to protect him. He opened the door, expecting maybe Iida chiding him about being awake early, or hell, even Aizawa tell him he changed his mind and that Bakugou was expelled. He did not get what he was expecting. Instead it was Kirishima, standing in his doorway, white t-shirt and grey sweatpants on, with his hair not spiked, but down in a ponytail.
Did he wake him up? Did Kirishima hear his footsteps in the hall? Or the explosion that came from his palm.
“Hey, Bakugou. Are you ok..? I heard an explosion..” from his voice, he sounded worried, but Katsuki couldn’t be sure.
“Yeah, ‘m fine shitty hair,” he muttered. His eyes were focused on the carpet behind Kiri. He was barely focused on the conversation at hand. Had he actually looked at Kirishima’s face there was no doubt he would have seen the concern in his eyes.
The red head was quiet. He was looking at Bakugou yet the blonde refused to meet his gaze. He knew those red eyes would only trap him in further. They’d only make him want Kiri to stay longer...and he couldn’t do that to him.
“You sure? I heard explosions in the distance earlier too...what was that about?”
God Kirishima asked too many questions. Bakugou didn’t know how to answer.
‘Yeah sorry about that Kirishima, I act like a fucking child and let out all my emotions by screaming and fighting because that’s all I know. I didn’t mean to bother you. Please let me return to spiraling’
“I dunno” was all that left the blonde’s lips.
“Well...can I come in then?” Bakugou thought he might be dreaming. Maybe he passed out from exhaustion and this was all a dream where Kirishima makes him believe he’s worth something.
“I...sure..I guess.” The blonde doesnt know what to think. He stepped aside and the red head stepped inside.
Was he going to get mad at Bakugou for waking him up once he closed the door? Would he feel he had to do something out of pity?
Without warning, Bakugou felt arms enveloping him. Kirishima pressed Bakugou close.
Katsuki paused.
This wasn’t right.. Bakugou didn’t get hugged, not by his parents, not by teachers, and most certainly not by kids his own age but...
This was right...it felt good, it felt safe. Katsuki couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt that way.
Kirishima had occasionally pulled him into some sort of half hug after a successful training run but that was nothing like this. Bakugou didn’t pull away, curse him out and insist it wasn’t important; Bakugou just...was.
He could feel his heartbeat slow, the beats no longer pounding in his ear. He felt his muscles relax, they were no longer high strung, or tense.
He stayed in Kirishima’s hug until the redhead pulled away. Kirishima feared he had overstepped. He knew Bakugou wasn't huge on physical affection, and he had always been careful to not push the blond too far. Bakugou swatted him away whenever he tried to hug him before, so he wondered why now all of a sudden something had changed.
"Katsuki?" He asked, as an uneasy tension filled the room. Using Bakugou's given name was a bit of a risk but...he hoped that might get through to him. He'd used it before, Bakugou didn't seem to mind, at least if no one else was around.
"'M fine.." He muttered, not making a comment about Kirishima's use of his given name. He was too tired to care. He could still feel the red head's strong hold over him. He wanted to feel it again. His pride was balling up in his throat, forcing him to stay silent as he shifted awkwardly on his feet.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Kirishima asked, his voice soft, movements slow.
"Got into a fight with Deku. What more do you want to hear?" Katsuki's answers were blunt, short fused. He was fighting with his own mind. Did he want Kiri to stay? Or did he want to revert back to what's always done and push him away? The latter had always seemed to work before, why wouldn't it work now? He wouldn't have to open up, explain everything to him...
But if he did....would Kiri stay? Would he be scared off? Realize Katsuki really was an asshole the entire time and it wasn't just a front? Kiri hearing about all the things he'd done before, all the things he'd said to Izuku would surely be enough to disuade him from hanging around...wouldn't it?
"You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to. But you're my friend. And I care about my friends."
The sting in Katsuki's chest only seemed to deepen...but this time he could hardly pinpoint why. Kiri considered him a friend, that was the first time he really heard it fall from anyone's lips. Kirishima cared about him....
Katsuki felt his chest drop, he no longer held it high, no longer took in deep breaths. He let himself really relax. He let his chest drop, and with it, a good portion of the walls he built up. He could feel the present stining in his bicep, the skin still singed from his blast earlier. His muscles were screaming at him to sleep, to at least sit down...but all he could do was stand and stare. Stare at the redhead across from him who dared to come into his life and comfort him, and look at him like an equal, and treat him with kindness and....
show him maybe he wasn't a villain...
maybe, if Kirishima believed it....maybe he was good. Maybe he could be good.
"It's a long story..."
"I've got all night."
Katsuki met Eijirou's eyes. For the first time this entire night, he saw comfort, care, solace.
Kirishima took liberty and sat down in the edge of Katsuki’s bed. He let Katsuki choose where to sit, or push him off the bed completely.
Katsuki didn’t, in fact, push him away: he let him sit there, pushed his pillow out of the way, and sat down beside him.
They’re knees were pressed against each other but they didn’t acknowledge it whatsoever.
“well..?” Eijirou asked quietly
“Fought with Midoriya,” it was rare Katsuki used any name other than Deku for Izuku so Eijirou knew he was rather serious, “fuck I don’t know,” Katsuki slouched, head in his hands, raking his hands through his hair. He gripped short blond tuffs, squeezing and pulling them. Eijirou saw the hair getting tugged too far. He was hurting.
"All of this shit sucks. I fucking hate it. You're all shacked up in this stupid fucking dorm because of me!" His voice was shrill, cracking with every other word that left his lips. Eijirou felt his heart shatter. Here he was, trying his best to get through to his friend, and once he finally got through he froze up. He didn't know what to do...
He could see why Katsuki blames himself...the villain attack that kidnapped him was what really convinced the school to start the dorm system...and with everything he knew about Katsuki's self blame and pride, it only made sense that he turn the blame onto himself fully.
Katsuki had convinced himself that all of this was his fault, that everyone hated living in the dorms.
Eijirou had frozen up one too many times before, in the face of a horrifying villain, he wasn't going to freeze up now in the face of his closest friend in pain.
Katsuki had let him do it once, maybe he'd let him do it again. Eijirou pulled the blond into a tight hug. It was his best way of showing comfort, showing affection...and maybe just maybe, Katsuki would let him.
He did.
Katsuki's hands loosened, his hold on his hair dropped. His arms fell onto his lap as he all but melted again.
"I know it sounds stupid as shit outloud..." He muttered. He felt like such a child, expressing his hatred for Izuku outloud, or why he had any sort of outburst to begin with. He sounded like a spoiled child.
Eijirou could understand why Katsuki felt that way. He knew the blond wasn't exactly the greatest at expressing what are most likely complicated and deeprooted problems...but he wasn't going to force him to say more than he wanted to. He wanted Katsuki to trust him, feel calm around him.
"It doesn't sound stupid." Was all he could say. And that was enough.
Katsuki felt such an odd sense of relief wash over him. He knew Eijirou wasn't lying. It was the first time anyone had told him something like that. The first time someone assured him his feelings weren't horrible, weren't insane.
"You should sleep.." Eijirou suggested, assuming that would be the best option for now. Katsuki was already slumped against his chest. He wouldn't admit it, but he'd noticed how tired Katsuki looked since moving into the dorms. He had bags under his eyes, and he was far more quick to snap.
"Hah..funny." the blond muttered, his head finally lifting as he sat up on his own, pulling away from Eijirou. His eyes were anywhere but Eijirou. The wall, the sheets, his own hands.
"I can stay here...if that'll help. I can sleep on the floor but I'll be here...so you aren't alone." Out of all the things Eijirou had said, this was by far the most risky. "That's why you haven't been able to sleep right? Unfamiliar place and all."
Katsuki hated this. Hated how Eijirou saw through him so easily. At least the redhead didn't bring up the villains but...everything else felt spot on. He hated this.
"Yeah..whatever. Stay if you want." Katsuki shifted further away from Eijirou on the bed. Deep down...he wanted the redhead to stay. He desperately didn't want to be alone for another night. The thought of at least having someone else on his floor was enough...
Kirishima's face seemed to light up at his words.
"I'll be right back," He said, smiling brightly as he stood up. Katsuki still looked tired as he looked up at the redhead. "Gonna get a blanket and pillow."
The next words that left Katsuki's lips were impulsive and absolutely not thought out.
"Just use the bed."
An odd moment of silence fell over them. Kirishima was no longer headed to open the door, his hand dropping back down to his side.
"The fuckin' thing is large enough" Katsuki rushed out, shoving a part of his comforter aside.
"Yeah..yeah it is." Eijirou's face softened, taking another step and sitting back down. He watched as Katsuki awkwardly laid atop the covers, his shoulders hunched in towards himself, trying to leave as much room. As much as he wanted to be in the comfort of the redhead, this wasn't truly his forte.
Eijirou took that as a sign to lay down beside him tugging the comforter over his legs at the least. He shifted closer to the blonde.
"I know this isn't easy for you...but I'm always here to listen to your feelings... You aren't annoying or a burden."
Katsuki was silent. His eyes were wide open as he listened, clung to every word the redhead said, "Yeah....thanks" He mumbled.
Eijirou wasn't expecting anything more. It was enough. He let himself relax, sighing contently. Both of them felt sleep drawing them in. Katsuki especially.
They both slept.
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The next morning, they were no longer awkwardly stiff and apart from eachother. Instead Katsuki's leg was swung over Eijirou's own, their faces centimeters away from the other. Kiri's shirt was riding up, his hair in a mess all over the pillow.
The sun rose and poured down through the window's, shining light on the otherwise dark room. It was the best sleep Katsuki had had in a long long time. Since the villain attack.
Eijirou was the first to wake up. The first thing he saw was Katsuki, the first thing he felt was Katsuki. He smiled softly, rubbing sleep out of his eyes.
Despite being such a rage when he was awake, the blond looked like such a peaceful sleeper. Eijirou hoped he could stay like that more...that maybe this wouldn't be the last time he'd get to wake up like this but who knows...
The red head didn't dare move. He let the blond sleep, lord knows he needed it. They spent the morning contently together. Eventually Kirishima would need to leave, but he would be back. He would always be back.