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It sounded sad when you thought about it, pathetic even. Here he was, sitting in the dark with only the orange lamp and a half-empty bottle of bourbon for company. Alone. He stared through the bottom of his tumbler before setting it down with a shaky sigh. This whole week had been unbelievably crazy. Every minute he was racing around, trying his best to stay awake to perform another surgery, chugging down whole cups of coffee when he could, and wiping the sleep from his eyes.
An away mission went wrong and suddenly Leonard had been swamped with so much work trying to safe people and sewing them up. He went from patient to patient fixing people up, anything and everything, and chasing sleep for every minute he could get in between shifts. In the past week he'd gotten 6 hours of sleep? It must be six.
Well, now the crew was fine now and he was off duty for the next twenty-four hours, but he was still filing paperwork or trying at least. Every time he reached for a pen his world swerved.
It'd been a rough week. Every minute of stress had boiled away at his brain and he felt like he was on fire.
The crew was celebrating their success right now but all he could think about were the hours he spent pulling real lead bullets out of redshirts' legs. He remembered the smell of blood and having to manually perform surgery like they were in the dark ages. It smelled like metal and filled his nose. He could never forget how the color stained his scrubs and covered his hands.
He was exhausted, but he couldn't sleep. He couldn't. He was so tired, he couldn't sleep. What kind of sick joke was that?
Leonard sniffed wetly and poured himself another glass. He was so tired...he was so tired he wanted to melt into the floor. He wanted to scream and throw things and punch a wall until his hand broke, something, anything but just sit here uselessly. So uselessly. He was dwindling away and the world was slowly tearing him apart.
There were just some days where the fighting, the thrashing against the water in a storm was just too hard and he sunk below the surface. He let himself slip below the water, where it was quiet and calm and dark. There was no fighting, only sinking.
Some days he didn't have the strength to kick and fight against the current. Some days he watched the world from a sea filter as it drifted away and he sunk lower and lower...
"Len, darling?" A voice called from the doorway and the doctor set down the tumbler. Montgomery was standing there in his regular non-Starfleet clothes. He looked so handsome in his abstract-shape patterned button-up, jeans, and jacket. The dim orange light from the lamp cast stark shadows against the engineer's figure. So handsome, Leonard was so lucky.
"Len, what are ye doing en the dark by yerself?"
Montgomery had a playful grin on his face that Leonard could gaze at every day for the rest of his life.
"Why aren't ye at the bar with the crew? Celebrating? Ye of all people deserve a break," The engineer strode into the room, his fingers running along the desk until they found the half-drunk bottle. "Decided to drink without me, eh? Dinnae worry, Ah won't hold it against ye-" Montgomery started off teasing but his smile faltered instantly when Leonard sniffed a little too wetly.
It was kind of hard to see in the dim light, so one could not blame Montgomery for not noticing earlier that his boyfriend was crying.
When Leonard saw the change on his boyfriend's face, his head sunk into his hands in defeat and he sniffed again, groaning softly in frustration because why was he crying and he felt so pathetic for not being strong, so silly. "Monty, I--" He choked out but it didn't matter, because Montgomery was already maneuvering around the desk.
A warmth enveloped his shoulders and Leonard realized that Montgomery had taken off his jacket and draped it around his shoulders.
Montgomery was now kneeling in front of him, rubbing his leg in soothing circles.
"Honey, tell me what's going on."
"It's-it's nothing, It's stupid--"
"Et's not nothing if ye're hurtin', Len," Montgomery whispered softly. His arms wrapped around Leonard's and pulled him close. Leonard pressed his nose against Montgomery's neck and just let the hot tears fall and bleed into his boyfriend's shirt. Distantly, he heard sweet nothings whispered.
"Et's going to be okay. Everything es alright. Ah've got ye..."
And it was suddenly like he was pulled from the ocean's depths to the surface and his lungs filled with air. He'd gotten so used to the water weighing him down that the air was almost foreign.
It was refreshing and wonderful and Leonard sucked in a breath as he held Montgomery tighter.