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It’s frustrating.
Watching the blank canvas for the past one hour felt like mind numbing migraine. No matter how much Jungkook tried, his empty mind couldn’t conjure up one single idea on what he should paint. The white sheet felt intimidating and Jungkook continues to sigh in frustration.
“This is crazy”
He looks at his watch. It’s already late and knowing his omega, Taehyung must be waiting for him. He gives one last look at the blank canvas before he finally moves away from it, with promised determination to start something next morning.
He switches the lights off of the little cabin he has as his studio (gifted by his elder brother) and makes way to the pack house. It’s been a month already of having Taehyung in his pack… in his room. It’s been a month being Taehyung’s mate.
“It’s just been a month, but it feels like forever”
Jungkook smiles at his thought. A month earlier when Taehyung had arrived in his pack, Jungkook was worried he wouldn’t be able to be the perfect mate for Taehyung. The boy barely talked, barely asked for anything, and would panic over smallest issues.
He remembers the second day Taehyung burst into tears because he hastily put Jungkook’s white t-shirt with colored clothes. He had clutched to the white t-shirt and cried for the whole afternoon before Jungkook (worried and anxious of where his mate had disappeared) found him shivering & crying on the floor. It took a whole hour to make Taehyung understand that he wasn’t angry and wouldn’t be yelling at him.
Jungkook knew about the pack Taehyung came from, knew they were too rigid and traditional in their belief and customs. But to have an evidence in flesh and blood that reflected the cruelty of their practices was heartbreaking. He had watched the nights Taehyung shivered in his sleep, mumbling apologies in his nightmare—and that made Jungkook just want to wrap him in his arms and fly him into some other dimension that would erase all the bad dreams, bad thoughts…anything that could hurt the beautiful boy.
The most heartbreaking was the day when Taehyung, for the first time, opened up to Jungkook—not really, but it was a baby step. He had tugged Jungkook’s sleeve so gently that if Jungkook wasn’t attentive enough he wouldn’t have felt the movement, and had said in his small voice (unsure and hesitant)—
” Alpha, uh… t-today L-Luna forbade m-me to w-wash the dishes and o-other tasks. W-What d-do I do now?”
His eyes were slightly watery and a frown married his brows clearly indicating his confusion of what did he do wrong to have been forbidden from doing the daily chores. Jungkook had specifically mentioned his mother to stop Taehyung from continuously working in the household. The omega wouldn’t rest, would retire bed with damp wrinkled hands and clothes smelling like disinfectant. And Jungkook didn’t like that—he regardless of being alpha or not, felt happy taking care of his mate.
But then, Taehyung wasn’t comfortable enough him then, and the one-time Jungkook had refrained Taehyung from doing chores, the boy thought he was rejecting him. He didn’t want to hurt his feelings any further and resorted to the one person he trusted the most, his mother. Maybe receiving advise from another omega wouldn’t make Taehyung uncomfortable.
But the small voice, glassy eyes told Jungkook he failed.
“Isn’t it good? Now you can do whatever you want. You have no chores to finish, you can relax and do whatever you want.”
“B-But omegas do chores”, Taehyung couldn’t wrap his head around it. He was supposed to take care of his mate, his pack. It was his work.
“I told you right, the works are divided in the house, you don’t have to do everything. There’s beta workers and alpha workers and omega workers who have been assigned to do their works by turns. When it’s your turn for the chores, you can do it then.”
Jungkook’s pack wasn’t hierarchy based. It was more human than beast—built on rationality and equality and independence. The principles and works were same for everyone—regardless of ranks. Rank powers were meant to harness integrity and not division. Being born as an alpha didn’t assure privileges in treatment. Jungkook growing up did cleaning just as much as he did training. He saw the world just as that—in his rose-tinted lenses.
But Taehyung, washed that away. To hear and to see were different things. Jungkook had only heard about orthodox packs by then. Having a mate from such a pack—was unexpected. Just as unexpected as Taehyung’s sadness upon not doing the chores. Jungkook was confused.
“Isn’t that a good thing?”
“I-I don’t k-know w-what else to do. I only did chores…”
Jungkook had felt his heart break.
Taehyung, beautiful and pure, didn’t even know the simplest joys of life. His memories, of laughter and little smiles were all associated with misery—of sleeping on cold floor, getting used clothes, washing dishes near the river—instead of running across fields, or playing pranks or watching fireworks with friends. Even his memory of pride was of the day he perfectly cooked a dinner for his pack function.
Even though living in an advanced world, he was forced to live a life of primitive, without education, without humanity.
But Jungkook was determined. He wanted to show his mate the kindness he deserved, all the bright colors the world had to offer.
And so, he had said— “You can do anything. Learn so many things…see the world, anything. I want you to do everything.”
Jungkook had suggested Taehyung enrolled in the college too, but the boy was reluctant and immediately begged not to go back to that place. His earlier pack only dragged him college for fun, deliberately made him do things to humiliate himself.
And Jungkook understood it.
But he understood how much important education is for Taehyung to be independent. And so, he insisted in homeschooling Taehyung.
“If alpha wants, I will do it.”
Jungkook wanted to argue, wanted to say that Taehyung must want it. But he realized that the omega was no less than a small infant seeing the world. And as much as Jungkook didn’t like making decisions for Taehyung, he also understood his situation—he was a small fawn barely able to stand on his legs. So, Jungkook had to be his anchor till Taehyung is capable enough to be on his own.
And Jungkook has been.
Jungkook opens door to see Taehyung immersed in some book, eyes wide and lips silently mouthing the words. It’s been more than a week, Taehyung started to learn, now able to graceful write along the lines of the alphabets and words. The omega is a quick learner and quite hardworking, diligently obeying whatever is demanded of him.
Jungkook inhales the refreshing scent of his mate, allows himself to be engulfed with earthly jasmines and woods. It calms his earlier agitation, lips automatically curving into a smile, helplessly soft whenever his mate is in his sight—wonders if its just because they are mates or is it something else…
“Alpha”
Taehyung perks from where he is perched, eyes big and warm and filled more with life than fear—and Jungkook’s heart flips. He goes to see Taehyung reading a fairytale book— “The Tale of Rapunzel”
“You reading a fairytale?”
Taehyung nods excitedly, eager to narrate it to his mate—a ritual they developed from the first day of his learning.
“Princess Ra-Rwapunsil”, he stutters slightly reading the text.
“Ruh-puhn-zl”, Jungkook corrects him softly as Taehyung mouths the word.
“Princess Rapunzl.”
Taehyung has this beautiful shine in his eyes as he retells the story. His hands constantly moving enthusiastically as he struggles to organize the proper words in his mind. It’s such a simple thing.
But Jungkook feels pride fill his heart, feels drawn to this fascinating sight of Taehyung blooming—and he just leans, helplessly.
Taehyung stutters but doesn’t turn away, stays still (anticipating) as Jungkook inches closer and forward and fingers graze the omega’s heated cheeks softly.
“Good job, Tae”
Jungkook smiles and pulls back.
It’s weird how much I like you. I must be crazy
~
“Jungkook. You decided what to present for the school exhibition?”, Mingyu asks as they get out of the classroom. Jungkook dreads going back to his studio to the same blank canvas. It’s been a week already and the project is due next week.
“Not yet.”
“It’s just a painting man! Don’t fret over it so much”
But Jungkook couldn’t help but fret. He kept staring at the blank canvas thinking about what to paint. He could not find any inspiration in anything. He wanted to paint something symbolic, something different—not the landscapes or setting sun, but what—he didn’t know.
He sighs and looks at his watch. It’s already past 11. His mind immediately drifts to his mate who must be waiting for him—never sleeps without him on the bed. He was about to retire, with a heavy heart brimming with dissatisfaction when the door of his cabin creaks open and the refreshing scent of jasmine fills his lungs.
Taehyung peeks inside uncertainly, not wanting to disturb the alpha. He got distressed when Jungkook didn’t return to their room by 10 and after an hour of contemplation and storm of scary thoughts inside his head, the omega got up to trace the scent of his mate.
“Alpha…”
Jungkook at once asks the boy to get inside. Taehyung hesitantly steps inside, eyes scanning over his mate to assure his anxious heart. He takes in the distressed look on the ravenette, and his feeble attempt in masking his worries.
His mind races to the million reasons why his alpha is unhappy, guilt blooming in his heart that he failed in becoming a good mate.
“What h-happened?”
Taehyung must sense the sourness in his scent because of stress. Jungkook curses himself for not being careful enough. Taehyung has so much on his plate and he just added more burden. He tries to laugh it off, shrugs it by saying, “its nothing, let’s go. Have you eaten?”
But Taehyung stays still on his spot, questioning eyes never once wavering and Jungkook knows he will ultimately succumb. He sighs—what an alpha he is, distressing his omega.
“It’s just school work. I have a project to finish but I am unable to do it.”
“Why?”
“I.. I d-don’t know what to paint. My mind goes blank”
His face flames with embarrassment. He could feel Taehyung’s eyes on him.
“Why?”
Jungkook looks back at Taehyung who looks way more confused that himself.
“I wanna paint something beautiful but… I don’t know what”
“You can draw flowers. Flowers are pretty.” , Taehyung says as a matter of fact.
“I want it to be different—but… I m not sure how. It’s hard to paint something on blank canvas. It’s a little scary. Feels like I will ruin the white by painting something that’s not perfect.”
Taehyung watches the sadness glaze over Jungkook’s eyes as he looks at his canvas. Taehyung doesn’t like it at all, hates the sourness, the sadness, whatever reason his mate is unhappy. Taehyung looks at the canvas, doesn’t understand why a mere blank page would cause Jungkook such stress.
He walks closer to it, observes it carefully and—he doesn’t feel any fear, any anxiety as Jungkook says he feels. He tries to concentrate harder, but…nothing. He doesn’t understand.
“What are you doing?”, Jungkook asks standing behind the omega.
“I don’t understand alpha. What’s scary?”
His deep voice literally sounding puzzled over what is scary about a stupid paper. Is it something like educated fear? He hasn’t read enough books though… so maybe he doesn’t understand.
“Are there very hard instructions to follow? Can I help you? But I haven’t studied much…”
Taehyung rambles turning back to Jungkook, hands easily crawling up to bunch a little of the alpha’s shirt—a habit he developed whenever the alpha is near his reach. It’s barely a touch but the sparks buzz pleasantly where they are connected.
Jungkook could only chuckle at his cuteness, his anxious heart settling down—the sourness replaced with something pleasant—something like a soft warm blanket—something like…
His heart thuds against his chest so loud that he is afraid Taehyung might actually hear it. It’s crazy—Jungkook thinks—how people say love is strength, when all Jungkook feels is powerless —foolish, how fast he is slipping and falling for someone so oblivious. It’s shameful.
A thousand tangled thoughts in my head, yet it’s only you that drives me crazy these days.
~
It’s early in the morning.
The sun shines pleasantly, warm rays streaming into the room brightening everything around.
However, Taehyung’s mood remains damp.
Taehyung watches the breakfast get cold, watches Jungkook hunched over the table without once touching the food, drawing something on the paper and then scratching on that.
His wolf whines inside his head. It’s the third day in a row he sees his mate neglect his health. His attention focused on either scrolling the phone or gazing blankly at nothing.
After that night in Jungkook’s studio, Taehyung’s wolf is restless. There’s a lingering sourness in Jungkook’s scent whenever they are around. The boy is either focused on scrolling his phone watching the speedily moving pictures (“It’s pinterest”, Jungkook had said when Taehyung asked) or he is zoned out.
Taehyung now often visits him at studio. His inner omega wouldn’t calm down—constantly feeling bad for not being able to help his alpha out. “If only I was well-learnt”, Taehyung regrets. He would bring down dinner and watch his mate fuss around, taking only a few bites of the food.
The canvas however, remains blank.
He watches Jungkook look at it, pick a brush and never paint on it, only sighing and turning his back to it, absorbing the temporary relief before he again gets lost.
Taehyung absolutely hates the canvas.
“It isn’t that pretty.”, he wonders. But then, maybe he is too dumb to understand.
But after watching Jungkook neglect his health for the nth time, barely munching a toast properly before hurrying for the school—Taehyung is determined.
He needs to do something.
~
As much as being competitive is thrilling, at times Jungkook feels it’s a curse.
The stupid voice inside his head, constantly nagging him to push his limits, seeking perfection—is burdensome. The urge to do everything best—is tiring.
It’s the last day before submission. And Jungkook hasn’t even started.
Jungkook comes home at evening, super determined that anyhow he will start something. He was already running out of time. He quickly showers and changes into something comfortable before heading out to his little cabin. In his hurry, he doesn’t even notice that the omega wasn’t in their room, where he usually is doing something.
Jungkook sees his cabin lights on from outside and frowns, opens his door to find Taehyung standing in the middle of room, in front of his canvas.
“Taehyung?”
Taehyung turns with a triumphant face, boxy smile on display and eyes glittering like a million fireflies.
“Alpha. Look.”
He moves aside to show the canvas—the once blank canvas now filled partially with some random drawing in the middle and tiny dots and flowers on the corner. Jungkook couldn’t understand what it meant, too shocked to comprehend anything, to react in any way.
“Taehyung wha—”
“Now you don’t have to be scared alpha. The white canvas isn’t pretty anymore, so you don’t have to be scared to ruin it. Whatever you paint, will be now be prettier than my ugly drawing. You don’t have to fear the white canvas anymore.”
Jungkook freezes on his spot.
“I am sorry I am not well learnt to paint something pretty to help you. But I wanted to help alpha, so I just painted whatever I felt. Because alpha can make anything pretty.”
His heart feels like bursting at seams gazing into the warm orbs of the brunette.
Taehyung, his mate offers him his help. The same Taehyung who has never been offered anything except misery and unreasonable pain—Taehyung who wasn’t shown a single slither of kindness, got a heart large enough to offer back something he never received, so nonchalantly, so easily… so willingly—Jungkook’s heart can only contain so much.
All the while he was searching for inspiration, it was right there in front of him. Taehyung—not his mate, not an omega—but just Taehyung.
The boy who bloomed so gracefully in the middle of a cold & dry desert—bloomed with so much warmth and love in his heart when he didn’t even get an ounce of it.
Jungkook’s eyes sting, lungs feel suffocated—and for the moment he stops breathing.
His heart burns—burns with something so intense and hot that Jungkook feels dizzy, feels like falling off his axis, off the kilter, off the edge where he has been standing the moment, he laid his eyes on the omega for the first time, restraining his heart all the while.
But this time, he falls.
His restraints snap.
And Jungkook, unrestrained, with his heart burning and bleeding with something undefinable, (something that’s making him so powerless before the boxy smile and glittering eyes)—surges forward to the boy standing in the middle and kisses him.
His cold thin lips press hard against the soft warm lips of the omega, his hand cradling the boy’s face as Jungkook pries his lips open and …Taehyung is left breathless
Is this love— to feel powerful enough to burn the world, but so powerless to my burning heart?
~
“Jeon Jungkook, present your piece to the class”
Jungkook walks with his veiled canvas to the front of the classroom.
Gasps fill the room as he unravels the piece in front of all, white flimsy cover slipping away to reveal the warm colors and—Taehyung.
It’s his side profile, adorned with a thousand tiny flowers blooming on the edge and fades into background and all eyes stop at Taehyung—honey skin, warm and golden, slightly tinted with blush, that might miss the eye if not paid attention to the details.
(But Jungkook’s eyes are always on Taehyung to miss out anything)
“The painting is called “Bloom, Taehyung". My inspiration behind this painting is my mate—Taehyung.
We often blame our circumstances and fate for our adversities, but Taehyung showed me how feeble all of it is when one has a kind heart to accept the world—to bloom wherever you’re planted. Taehyung is that bloomed flower for me who grew so beautifully regardless of where he was.
He is a boy with the most beautiful heart I have ever met."
The most beautiful boy who has my heart
~
“Alpha!”
Taehyung jogs up to Jungkook who just returned from school. He has worry written all over his place.
“Did they a-accept? Did y-you fail? I told you not to paint me, I am not that pretty. You should have painted Ruhpansil, she’s the prettiest after al—"
Taehyung goes on rambling in worry until Jungkook pulls him closer, one hand curling around the lean waist of the omega as the other pulls out something golden and shiny and pins over the shirt of the other.
Taehyung with wide eyes gauges at the pin that says “Winner Artist”
He looks back surprisingly to see Jungkook’s eyes already fixated on him, charcoal dark orbs shining like galaxies staring down at him with so much fondness and— admiration
“With you by my side, nothing can bring me down. Thank you for bringing colors on my canvas.”
Jungkook’s heart ache, for the words that clamor inside his heart to voice out, beating fast and hard even as he whispers them inside his head.
I love you Taehyung
And as if Taehyung could hear those whispers, his hand curl tighter against where he has bunched up the shirt, soft brown eyes whispering back in secret.
I am yours, alpha
--