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1) Heueing Kai
Huening Kai liked to pride himself on his awareness- on his ability to be observant in even the most confusing and chaotic situations. He could always pinpoint something severely wrong in a situation that everything seemed slightly amiss. His skills were seconded only to Soobin. But Soobin couldn’t tell that Beomgyu had slowed down as the group were frog marched through the crowds outside of the hotel. Soobin couldn’t tell because he was at the front of the line, slipping in and out and weaving between the fans, forging a path for the rest of them to follow.
The press was snapping pictures, the eager American fans were pushing against one another as well as the idols, some intentionally and some just unable to stand still with the pressure of the other fans at their back.
But Beomgyu was just being jostled around, face blank save for a wrinkle in between his eyebrows. The hand that was fisted in Huening Kai’s jacket was shaking, barely maintaining its grip. It took a stumble and the feeling of Beomgyu’s nose crashing into Huening Kai’s back for the maknae to finally take action, pulling him ahead and putting his hands on his hips, guiding him finally through the doors of the hotel.
“We’re almost there, hyung; let’s focus, okay? Talk to me. Tell me what you see.”
Beomgyu licked his lips, humming. “I’m gonna...gonna go.”
“Not right now. Stay awake for right now.” There were still a few fans even on the inside, and the rest were still staring at them through the window. Their manager was checking in at the front desk, but Beomgyu was about to have a seizure in a hotel lobby. And this was not the place for that.
Making a split-second decision, Huening Kai pulled Beomgyu away from the group and into a small sitting area. It was deeper into the lobby with a row of fake trees blocking it from the window, so it had at least that bit of privacy. Beomgyu would need as much as he could get. The second they arrived, Beomgyu sat heavily on the floor and sighed, stretching his legs out and blinking irregularly, fingers contorting in his lap. It had already started. The time was 2:23 pm.
“Come on out of this one quickly, hyung,” Kai said, brushing the elder’s hair back and making sure he didn’t fall over. If it got worse, he’d have to lay down in order to prevent injury and choking, but he could generally handle them sitting down, or even standing, if they were only an absence seizure.
It didn’t look like it was going to be one of his bigger, more serious seizures, which was a luxury all on its own. With the craziness of their schedules, all of them knew that it would happen eventually.
Yeonjun came around the corners, fingers in his backpack straps as he surveyed the scene. “I didn’t even notice. How long has he been at it?”
“He started stumbling and going in and out on the sidewalk, but it only started about thirty seconds ago,” Huening Kai said.
Yeonjun sat on the coffee table, rubbing Beomgyu’s calf. Beomgyu tilted his head back into Huening Kai’s lap, the corner of his mouth pulling back in a warped smile, his teeth on display. A bit of drool ran down his cheek. His tongue clicked against his mouth, and his fingers finally stilled in his lap, his head growing heavier in Huening Kai’s hands.
“Hyung?” Beomgyu’s eyes were open, as they were during a lot of his seizures, but it took a little while for him to focus on anything. The larger the seizure, the lengthier the post-ictal episode. This time, Beomgyu almost immediately looked to the maknae, blinking.
“Hi, hyung.” He smiled at him, happy that he was back with them but knowing that he was bound to be confused. “You just had a seizure, but everything went okay, and we’re sitting here at the hotel. We’ll take a second so you can come back to us.”
Beomgyu licked his lips, bringing the back of his hand to his cheek to wipe at it. “Kai,” he said, picking his head up and rubbing at it. “I’m...I’m alright.”
“You think you’re okay to stand?” Huening Kai asked, standing up and reaching down, taking Beomgyu’s hands in his own. Yeonjun stood behind him to catch him if he fell, but all that Beomgyu did was take a stuttering step forward. It wasn’t coordinated, but it didn’t take long for him to reorient himself.
“Yeah, I’m alright. How long was that?”
“Just about a minute,” Huening Kai responded. “You’re good?”
Beomgyu nodded, and Huening Kai finally let go, walking slowly with him to the back of the group, who were waiting in the hotel bay for their three missing members. Upon seeing that Beomgyu was doing just fine, they carried on with calling down a lift and talking about what they wanted for dinner.
…
2) Soobin
Being a leader was a job that kicked Soobin’s ass more often than not. It was his job to wake up before everybody else, to fall asleep only once they had, to make up for any and all weaknesses in the team. If a member was sick and underperforming, the whole band was, and thus, so was the leader. Beomgyu had his off days where he struggled through practice. It wasn’t his fault; it was just his condition getting the best of him, and thankfully, those days didn’t roll around too often. They’d all learned ways to help him prevent it and ways to help him out when they did come.
But he still had them, and it still left him behind in some cases. That meant that Soobin was behind, too.
“You have to focus,” Soobin snapped, pausing the music and angrily slapping the floor. Beomgyu had tried the same dance five times, getting sloppy and sloppier each time. He’d almost had it perfect. Almost. He whipped around when Beomgyu didn’t respond, out of worry but also annoyance. Every ounce of annoyance melted away, though, when he saw the working of his little brother’s jaw, chewing on his bottom lip as he stared straight ahead.
“Oh, Beomgyu,” he softened, running up and hovering close. If it was an absence, it would pass. It would pass. Soobin pulled out his phone and started the timer, sliding it a few feet away to keep it out of the way. “Come on, bud, let’s pull through.”
Beomgyu’s fingers began to twitch, and his body swayed in a way that told Soobin one thing- Beomgyu was not just having an absence.
“Ok, down slow, easy, easy,” he talked mostly to himself, grabbing Beomgyu around the waist and lowering him to the ground. Beomgyu’s breaths really started to get ragged as the muscles in his face and arms tightened and pulled. His eyes were completely unfocused. It had begun.
His back arched, and a gurgled cry forced its way through his lips. “Nng, I- ngg, ahm, sss-”
“Shh, you’re okay, come on, on your side.” Soobin guided him to the side, taking off his own shirt and stuffing it underneath Beomgyu's head. He kicked his phone closer to himself and rang the first number on the top of his list, dropping the phone to rub Beomgyu’s skin, shushing lightly.
“Hyung?”
“Taehyun,” Soobin recognized his voice. “Hey, can you come to the company with a change of clothes and Beomgyu’s medication? Bring the car.” A harsh cry escaped Beomgyu, and a familiar smell filled the air as his jeans were stained with a dark patch. Soobin’s heart broke- he hated to see Beomgyu deal with this, even if he wasn’t alone.
“I’m on my way,” Taehyun said. Soobin could hear keys jangling. “Is it a bad one?”
“Going on about a minute and a half, but it’s a grand mal, and I have the feeling it won’t stop for a little while.”
“Shit,” the 02’ liner cursed underneath his breath. “Remember, if it gets close to five…”
“I know, I’m really hoping it doesn’t. He hates the hospital.” If it got to five minutes, Soobin was obligated to call the ambulance. If not, Beomgyu could suffer brain damage or choke on the fluids in his throat and lungs. He didn’t even want to think about it. Beomgyu had never been to the hospital because of an episode while Soobin had known him, and he was sure that neither of them wanted to start just then.
“I’m almost there,” Taehyun said over the speaker. Soobin didn’t call him out for breaking the speed limit.
Beomgyu was thankfully slowing down as Soobin heard a car door open and close over the speaker. Generally, his bigger seizures started with an aura, the dissociation, trembling, collapse, tightening, gasping, shaking, then a slower rhythmic jerking before finally stopping. Just as predicted, Beomgyu finally stopped. Soobin checked the clock and saw that it lasted just under three minutes. Soobin thanked the powers that were and brushed Beomgyu’s bangs back. “Good job, Gyu. You’re okay, great job.”
Beomgyu’s eyes widened, and his chest stuttered as he coughed, trying to free the gunk in his lungs. “There you go, big cough. Spit it out.”
Beomgyu’s hands searched the floor, and Soobin grabbed it. “Yeah, you hear me?” The younger whined, and the door to the practice room opened, revealing a frazzled and red-faced Taehyun, holding an armful of supplies.
“You hung up.”
Soobin glanced at his phone. “Shit, sorry, Taehyun.”
“Is he okay? Did it stop?”
Soobin nodded. “He hasn’t talked yet, but he’s working on it. Did you bring the pills and clothes?”
“Yeah, and a couple towels, soap, shampoo and conditioner two in one. I figured...he would need a shower before we changed him.” He was right- Beomgyu’s hair was sticky with spit and bile, and his legs were covered in urine. Soobin’s heart broke all over again.
“Good thinking,” the leader said. “Beomgyu, we’re going to get you to the restroom just down the hall, okay? Don’t try to do anything; let us do it.” Beomgyu managed a small nod, closing his eyes in either pain or embarrassment. Coming out of it was always the hardest part for him. “Okay, thank you. God job.”
Soobin looked to Taehyun and nodded, taking Beomgyu’s upper body while Taehyun lifted by the ankles, both of them getting him from the ground and walking the short distance to the idol restroom and setting him up on a bench.
“Alright, can you take off your pants, or do you want us to do it?”
Beomgyu shook his head, grabbing at his groin area and frowning. “...’S wet, I...I- s’ wet.” Tears welled up and a sob escaped his lips.
Soobin frowned, pulling him in for a hug despite the grime on his face and in his hair. “It’s okay, love, we don’t care. We just want to help you get clean; you must feel uncomfortable right now...can we let Taehyun undress you so we can run the water?”
Beomgyu gave a mighty sniffle and a small nod, reaching an arm around Soobin’s neck and standing, stepping out of his sweatpants while using the leader to balance. The next to go was his shirt, then his underwear.
Taehyun took everything and tied it up in a plastic bag, throwing it into the corner of the room. Soobin took off his own shirt and pants but left his underwear on, walking with Beomgyu to the shower and setting him on the bench in there. He started the water and directed it through the detachable shower head, holding it away from his little brother until it warmed up.
Once it was warm but not hot, Soobin wet Beomgyu’s hair and wiped his hand over his face to break up the dried grime on his face. He untangled his hair and reached out for the shampoo conditioner that Taehyun brought squeezing some into Beomgyu’s hair and scrubbing gently.
Beomgyu sighed, closing his eyes.
“You must be exhausted.”
Beomgyu gave him a tiny smile. “A little.”
“Feeling any better?” Soobin asked, rinsing the suds out and starting with the soap. Beomgyu nodded. “Taehyun has a change of clothes and your headache medication, too.”
“My hero,” Beomgyu said, looking at Taehyun, who was standing with the towels. “I would say excuse my nakedness, but...you’ve all seen it before.”
Taehyun shrugged. “It’s not like you had any say in the matter.” He handed a towel to Soobin, who dried himself off before helping Beomgyu up. He was much more stable than before, but Soobin still didn’t feel comfortable leaving him alone. He helped him out and turned away as he dressed himself.
“Pills for you, sir.” Beomgyu nodded his appreciation and knocked them back, sighing. “You alright?”
“I’m fine, hyung; I have seizures all the time...but...” He sighed.
“What’s up?”
“I really was just about to fucking nail that dance.”
…
3) Yeonjun
About half of the hours that an idol got to sleep every day were not actually spent in bed. They were spent in a van, in a waiting room, in a conference room- anywhere that they weren’t forced to move, they chose to sleep. Especially Beomgyu, to whom sleep was vital to his health. He hadn’t been able to for a while, something that the rest of them hated more than even he did but ultimately not something that could be changed. So they just encouraged him to eat well, take his medication, and sleep whenever and wherever he could.
Yeonjun had used his own jacket to cover him up, putting an earbud in the youngers ear and playing some music by an American country ballad artist he’d found, Ruston Kelly. He figured that the guitar chords and gentle but husky voice would ease the both of them to sleep. A glance to his right proved him correct. He smiled and snapped a picture. Beomgyu was sleeping mouth open, head back, long black hair in a half-up, half-down ponytail. It always reminded Yeonjun of Legolas from the Lord of the Rings. Him, or Hyunjin from Stray Kids.
As the soft strumming of “Jericho” played in Yeonjun’s right ear, the eldest let himself fall asleep. He was in the back of the van, only Beomgyu next to him. He could see everybody. He knew they were safe and content, and that they had at least another hour before they arrived at their concert venue, deep in the heart of Chicago.
He let himself drift.
He woke up again. He didn’t know how long he’d been sleeping, but his first thought was that they’d arrived. They were in the city- that was enough to tell him that they were close. People walked around, many of them fans, judging by the merchandise they carried or wore. They were close, but nobody had woken him up.
So what had?
He glanced at Beomgyu to see him with a troubled crease in between his eyebrows, cheeks red on the apples. His hair was messy- he must’ve been moving his head quite a bit. And his muscles were tense. Was he sick? They really couldn’t afford that just then. They had a day of preparations in their new venue and a performance the very next day.
Yeonjun laid his palm on Beomgyu’s forehead but felt no heat. He smoothed out the crease with his thumb and turned off his music. The earbud had fallen out of Beomgyu’s ear anyways.
“Beomgyu, lay on my shoulder; it might be more comfortable,” he said, guiding him over to rest his head.
Beomgyu didn’t go as easily as Yeonjun thought he would. He wasn’t pliable. He was...stiff.
“Beomgyu?” Yeonjun laid a hand on his thigh and squeezed, trying to wake him. Something wasn’t sitting right. “Beomgyu, wake up.”
Beomgyu’s eyes cracked open, and he found Yeonjun’s, staring through him. “Hyung.”
“Are you okay, aegi? You’ve been tossing and turning, and you look flushed.”
“I think...I think I’m going to have a seizure,” Beomgyu said quietly, looking down at his fingers. “They’re buzzing like wasps, and I- my mouth is dry. My tongue is...is big. I can’t- my eyes- there’s two of you, and I- I can’t breathe. I’m scared of...of the- there’s uhm, static, a- I-” His bottom lip wobbled like how it did before he was about to start crying. He rarely cried- only when his emotions were all out of whack from his brain misfiring about a million times a second.
Yeonjun collected him in his arms. “Okay, okay...you’re okay, we’ve got you.” He took Taehyun’s jacket from where he’d let it fall to the floor in his sleep and padded Beomgyu’s head with it. He left his own jacket over Beomgyu’s body for his comfort more than anything. He turned to the driver. “You need to pull over.”
“Pull over?” the driver asked for clarification. “I don’t know how you think I’m going to do that right now, but I’m in the second lane of traffic during rush hour. There’s no way I’m going to be able to get over or even get a parking spot. We’ll be there in ten minutes.”
“We don’t have ten minutes!” Yeonjun snapped, undoing his own seatbelt as well as Beomgyu’s.
“Put your seatbelt back on! Do you want me to wreck this van?”
“What’s going on?” Soobin asked, perking up from the passenger’s seat. “Yeonjun? What’re you doing standing up?”
“Beomgyu’s going to have a seizure,” he said simply, grabbing the release handle and lowering the seat as far as it would go. Beomgyu breathed loud and quick breaths, hands clenched in front of him. It was going to happen anytime.
“Shit,” Soobin cursed. “There’s so many fans.”
Beomgyu whined underneath Yeonjun. “You’re okay, baby, don't worry about any of that. We’ll protect you.”
“I can’t,” Beomgyu said, voice breaking. “I can’t go.”
“You can go,” Yeonjun promised him. “I’m right here; you’re okay.”
Beomgyu inhaled sharply and his dark pupils rolled up as his back arched. He began to really shake in earnest, jaw forced to the side, right arm locked straight out in a fist as his left was stiff against his leg. He made awful clicking noises as he gurgled, sounding like he could choke on his own spit- sounding like he was.
“This is not the place to be doing this,” Yeonjun murmured angrily, pulling the seat belt away from where Beomgyu had tangled it around his arm. If he pulled the wrong way, the locking mechanism of the seat belt could break his elbow. “You’re doing so good, Beomgyu, keep breathing, love. You’re so good, so strong.”
Beomgyu told him once that he could feel the comforting touches and words, even if he couldn’t completely remember what was said after the fact. He knew who was around him during a seizure, and that alone was enough to make it worse or better. Yeonjun was going to do everything he could do to make the experience even a little bit less hellish for his brother.
Beomgyu’s spasms started to slow down as the tension left his neck. His head landed against the cup holder, Taehyun’s jacket still under his head. Blood ran from his lips, and he coughed, trying to breathe through the fluid in his mouth.
“Here,” Heuning Kai said, handing over a roll of paper towels and a plastic bag.
“Thanks,” Yeonjun responded, getting Beomgyu to sit up once he’d completely stopped spasming. Taehyun held the bag under his mouth to catch the spit and blood, and- unsurprisingly- the vomit that followed soon after. They were all just thankful that he hadn’t urinated. It was always embarrassing for him, and if he’d done it in the car, it would’ve made an already horrible situation that much worse.
“You did so good, just a couple minutes, that one,” Yeonjun let him know, wiping his lips as he hiccupped. “Can you tell me your name?”
“Uh?”
“Your name, Beomgyu? What do we call you?”
“Me,” he responded, not aware of the question, much less the proper answer. He jerked when Yeonjun wiped his lips again, making a startled squawking noise.
“Sorry, sorry. I’m just making sure your face is clean.”
“Clean,” Beomgyu responded, shuddering. “I- I’m...sei- hic- zure?”
“Yeah, only a few minutes long,” Yeonjun told him, rubbing the back of his neck. “How are you feeling?”
“Uhm...I- uhm, the car?”
“What about the car?”
“We’re moving, and- the...home.”
“Do I need to pull over?” The driver asked, glancing in the rear view mirror.
“No,” Soobin answered. “We’re almost there, and he needs a nap.” The leader sighed. “He’ll be out of rehearsals all day.”
“S’ry,” Beomgyu said, leaning back finally. “I- I can...can dance.”
“No you can’t,” Yeonjun shut him down. Taehyun tied the bag with a grimace. “You’re sick. You shouldn’t apologize for that.”
“Yeah, but...hapns’ all the time. I...can’t work.”
“We don’t care, Beomgyu. You add so much to this team. You deserve to take days off when you need to rest and recover. Don’t ever let yourself think any differently.”
…
4) Taehyun
Taehyun woke up to a screeching alarm and flashlight in his face. There was a moment- briefly- that he cursed his morning alarm and wanted to throw his blanket over his face to fall back asleep. It was overcome quickly by a petrifying fear and realization. It wasn’t his morning alarm. It was a seizure alert.
He sprung out of bed, crossing the room to Beomgyu’s double bed. It was bigger to accommodate for the chance of a midnight episode, pillows against the wall to protect his wrists and knees from banging against it. The camera on the wall recorded every second of the seizure, tracking the repetitive movements and sending the alarm to the monitor on Taehyun’s nightstand. It was the second time that it had ever gone off.
Taehyun turned the lights on and pulled the covers from Beomgyu’s body, sighing when he noticed that they were already wet. “Alright, Beomgyu, just ride it out. It’ll be over soon.” His face was turned into his pillow, neck muscles straining, an incredible amount of saliva sticking to his face.
“Let’s not choke on that, huh?” Taehyun spoke to himself, wiping it off with a dirty shirt that sat on the floor. He remembered Beomgyu wearing it the night before. He turned over his shoulder and hollered for somebody- anybody to help him out. The bed was a huge suffocation risk, and he couldn’t safely turn Beomgyu on his own.
Not even thirty seconds later, Soobin was standing in the doorway with messy hair and sleepy eyes.
“Towels, please,” Taehyun asked. “But first, help me get him on his side.”
Soobin nodded and got on Beomgyu’s other side, gently flipping him over and supporting his backside with the extra pillows. Taehyun sat vigilantly at his front, shushing him when he gurgled and groaned. It was a horrible experience for all of them.
“I’m going to grab the towels and run a bath,” Soobin said, trying not to make the disgusted wrinkle in his nose visible. He was always sensitive to smells. “He’ll need it.”
“Sounds like a good idea,” Taehyun agreed, not taking his eyes off of Beomgyu. He’d breathed in sharply and choked out a mouthful of vomit. Taehyun sighed, rubbing softly- barely even touching him. He couldn’t risk injuring him. “Come on, Gyu. Come out of this one quickly, you’re okay.”
Beomgyu’s lungs fought to clear themselves, and his hands knocked against Taehyun’s thighs. He was starting to slow down, seizure activity still scrambling his thoughts as he tried to talk. “Ngm, shsa- gmm- nhh, I- ahm, ee-”
“There you go, tell me about it,” Taehyun encouraged him. “You’re doing so good.”
Soobin entered the room with a stack of towels, handing one to Taehyun and putting the rest on the floor. “Yeonjun’s grabbing new sheets and cleaning supplies...how’s it going?”
“He’s coming out of it,” Taehyun told him, brushing Beomgyu's hair out of his face. He wiped his face gently with the towel as Beomgyu panted, obviously exhausted. “It was a big one, though. He’ll be tired.”
“I’ll make sure to text the manager,” Soobin noted distractedly, focusing only on Beomgyu. He didn’t respond to Taehyun’s gentle wiping, so the leader took his fingernail and pressed it against the younger’s collarbone, nodding when he hissed and looked at him. “Good, he’s coming back.”
“Can you look at me, Beomgyu? Show me your eyes.” Taehyun drummed his fingers against Beomgyu’s shoulder and held his hand. Beomgyu finally looked at him, eyes wide. His pupils were starting to return to a normal size. “Hello.”
Beomgyu smacked his lips. “Mh, I- what hapn’...me.”
“You had a seizure. You were asleep, but I got the alert, and I came right over. Everything’s just fine.”
Beomgyu’s eyes welled up with tears- not an uncommon sight. “Oh, don’t cry, love, you’re okay...here, let me help you out of your clothes so you can take a bath, hmm?” Taehyun brushed his hair back once more. It really was getting a bit too long to be practical. Every time he had an episode, it just got horribly messy and in the way.
“Bath?” Beomgyu asked.
“Here, arms up,” Taehyun guided him, removing his sleep shirt. “Can you stand? We just need to walk to the bathroom.”
Beomgyu nodded once, curtly. “Ok.”
Taehyun got him up from the bed, holding his hands as he stepped out of his sleep pants and boxers. Soobin wrapped him in one of the clean towels and quickly began stripping the bed. Yeonjun walked in with the cleaning sprays and wipes, giving Taehyun a sad but supportive look as he walked Beomgyu to the tub.
They’d invested in a mattress cover for the signer after replacing his mattress once. He was embarrassed- they could all see it, but eventually, after much persuasion that it was simply a part of him that he couldn’t control- he just dealt with the precaution. It came in handy at times like this.
Beomgyu sighed as he sat in the bubbly warm water- not too hot and not too cold to shock his body one way or the other. Soobin was somewhat of an expert.
Taehyun rubbed shampoo into his hair and cleaned his face with his hands, raising his eyebrows at Beomgyu when he made eye contact. “Eye contact makes it weird, Beomgyu.”
Beomgyu gave him a tired smile. “My bad.”
Taehyun chuckled. “How are you feeling?”
“Warm,” Beomgyu responded calmly. “Tired.”
“You can sleep as soon as you’re done,” Taehyun told him. “But you should probably take your medicine and-”
“Taehyun,” Beomgyu interrupted, eyes closed. “I know. You don’t have to...stay up forever. I know you’re tired, too.”
“I’m rolling my eyes right now. I know you can’t tell since yours are closed, but I am. Because you’re saying stupid things, and I know that you know what I’m going to say because we’ve talked about this like seven times already.”
Beomgyu shrugged. “Doesn’t mean that it doesn’t suck.”
“Sorry,” Taehyun responded sincerely. “But I’m going to do this every time you feel sick, Beomgyu, and if it’s not me, it’ll be Soobin. Or Yeonjun. Or Huening Kai. We’d all expect the same from you when we don’t feel well, you know...it’s just love.”
Beomgyu nodded. “I love you too, Taehyun.”
“It’s too late to be so corny,” he whispered, bending down and pressing a kiss into Beomgyu’s wet hair. “Let’s go back to bed. You’ll get to sleep tomorrow.”
“Only at the cost of a grand mal,” Beomgyu said sarcastically, using Taehyun to stand.
Yeah. They were going to be alright.