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If he is your moon, I will be your earth
To which you could return, safed or injured
I feel only misery for myself
When I look through the eyes of someone else.
(The obsessive devotion, Epica)
Once the light shone for you too.
In Faelivrin's eyes and smile, in the welcoming depths of Nargonthrond, sunset had not yet come. There was a time when you could still smile.
But it was before a flood of tears came to extinguish that light.
Now there is only an eternal twilight around you. The eyes and smiles that surround you can no longer reach you. The darkness of Angamando [1] should already be gone, but it will always remain here, enveloping you in a prison from which you will never get out.
You may be back home, but you will never be free. You will never be who you were before your brother's blood was shed.
And it is not for you that the radiance of Ivrin shines.
She didn't lie when she said that day she would love you forever. But the man to whom she declared her love for her no longer exists. He died on the battlefield, the day the sun went down for him forever.
You are all that's left of it. Just a specter destined for eternal darkness.
You shouldn't even be here. You should already be in Mandos. Not even the bloody remains of Gelmir survived - and it wouldn't have happened if you had done more than watcj. Your mother is gone. Your father would probably prefer you dead rather than see what you have become.
Each of the lives that were lost in the fifth battle deserved to continue instead of yours.
If your end had come there, perhaps everyone would have suffered less.
You shouldn't have come back. Not now that all that shines in Finduilas's eyes when she looks at you, with a smile so different from the ones he once gave you, is pain and pity.
If you hadn't returned, she would have continued to remember you as who you used to be. She would have believed you dead, she would have cried, she would have healed and now she would have a way to be happy.
She can't stay with you. How could she ever love you now?
How could anyone feel anything other than disgust and pity for you?
Your body will never be the same as it was before. Your soul is cold, locked in the crystal of the darkness of your prison. And no matter how hard she tries, she won't be able to bring you back. You're not even worthy of it.
But perhaps Mormegil will still be able to rise from the abyss. He can make her happy.
His darkness is profound, but he is not completely destroyed yet. He is still strong, and his will to fight fate has not died out.
After all, the only one of you two that Finduilas can truly love is him.
You're selfish enough to want her to come back to you, but that's never going to happen. Not now. At least, if he welcomes her, she will have a chance to find someone who isn't completely ruined yet, someone who can still feel her light.
Maybe one day he will notice.
Until then, you will no longer be Faelivrin's betrothed. Only her comfort. You will wipe away her tears, and as you feel the warmth of her face, closing your eyes, you will remember the way she looked at you when you were not yet a spirit in ruins.