Work Text:
Chan shoots his head back and slams the glass back down on the table. The liquid burns its way down his tongue and throat, his already sweat-covered body feels like it’s on fire, but he smiles wide at his victory. Across the table, Wonwoo coughs on his second-to-last shot of tequila.
“Aw, come on hyung, I thought you were the most experienced one here?” he taunts cheekily.
Wonwoo rolls his eyes, letting Mingyu drink his last glass for him. “You’re just insane and don’t know your limits,” he replies. It’s without bite and he even shakes Chan’s hand. “What’s the penalty then?”
“Mmm… Nothing? Think of it as a birthday gift from me, I’m letting you off this one for free!”
Wonwoo shakes his head with a laugh.
“I’m guessing he forgot to get you a gift,” Minghao snorts from where he’s resting his chin on Wonwoo’s shoulder.
Chan shrugs. “That’s what you get for planning this at the last minute!”
They bicker a little more before Chan gets up, leaving them for the dance floor when he hears one of his favorite songs.
He’s glad Jihoon and Soonyoung were the ones in charge of the playlist because the songs are both good and danceable, which can be rare at this type of big party. Chan wonders how Wonwoo can know this many people—he can barely see the garden on the other side of the crowd of dancers—but then he remembers that he’s a junior, and that he let Seungcheol, a senior, handle the guest list. There has to be close to fifty or sixty people, scattered all over the first floor and garden around the pool.
Chan spots Junhui dancing on the side closer to the garden and joins him with a small greeting. They move without giving it much thought, screaming along to the lyrics and making stupid faces—Soonyoung even stops sucking face with Seungcheol in a corner to join them.
He always loses sense of time when he dances with his friends, but something about tonight feels somewhat different. He’s definitely past tipsiness yet he can still hold himself, but it’s something else.
Chan opens his eyes after the chorus of a Britney Spears song and finds eyes on him. Just one pair, from a boy sitting on the edge of the pool, feet in the water and fidgety fingers around a half-empty cup. Seungkwan. He tries to ignore it. Chan always tries to ignore Seungkwan, because every time he doesn’t it just starts up endless bickering and arguing. They really don’t get along and it’s unfortunate for them that they belong to the same friend circles. If Chan has to be fair, it’s as often his own fault as it is Seungkwan’s when they argue. It’s never a good time, and a few times they’d driven their friends to dump them or lock them in a room to make them talk it out—they never did, they simply agreed to ignore each other the rest of the evening, a promise a lot of times broken within the next hour or so. Seungkwan looks away.
Chan tries to ignore him this time as well, but whenever he looks in Seungkwan’s direction, the other is already looking back. He looks away every time, but the feeling of his gaze still sticks to Chan's skin.
Now that he thinks about it—because he might be dancing his soul out, but his mind can’t help itself from thinking—Seungkwan had kept his distance lately. He bailed out of plans a lot, blamed sickness or other things he had to do. The only times he knows Seungkwan has hung out with their friends was when Chan wasn’t there. Chan wasn’t complaining, it’s refreshing to go a whole hang out without arguing with anyone. He just noted the change.
At some point, Seungcheol joined and snatched Soonyoung away again, and Junhui was charged with ordering more pizza so he went to answer the door. Chan then makes his way to the kitchen, slipping past Joshua and Jeonghan’s conversation which he wants to hear none of, to get himself a cup.
He picks one of the random drinks Seokmin had mixed earlier and pours. You can also see the pool from the window above the sink in the kitchen, but when Chan looks, no pair of eyes meets him. Seungkwan isn’t even there anymore.
“Not like I care,” he mumbles, leaving the kitchen to the others’ giggles.
After grabbing the last slice of the cheese pizza, he finds Vernon and Minghao deep into a conversation he gets none of but his friends still make sure to include him. He turns into a drinking game for himself: each time a name or a word he doesn’t know leaves their mouths, he drinks. It’s safe to say that it doesn’t take long for Chan to empty his cup.
“I’m gonna take a piss,” he mumbles to the two.
Vernon just nods but Minghao grabs the edge of his shorts. “Go upstairs, some sophomore is holding the toilet bowl hostage right now.”
Chan follows the advice. He likes the upstairs bathroom better anyway, fewer people are allowed up here—most don’t even know that there’s another one—so it’s both cleaner and quieter.
What he doesn’t expect after doing his business, washing his hands and staring at himself in the mirror for a couple of seconds, is for him to barely get the time to open the bathroom door before Seungkwan pushes him back in and locks the door behind himself.
“What the fuck, man?” he complains, recognizing the other. He tries to reach for the door but Seungkwan blocks him.
“I have something I need to talk to you about.”
“Well, I have nothing to say so get out of my—”
As he reaches again, Seungkwan pushes him and sends him stumbling back.
“It’s important, Lee Chan.”
His voice is venomous, but it still shakes. Chan finally looks at his face and notices how distraught he is. Confused? Chan definitely is confused, but he doesn’t have the will to pick a fight with him now.
“Fine,” he says, crossing his arms. “You could’ve at least said ‘please’ but whatever, go ahead, Boo.”
He waits, but Seungkwan looks like he expected him to downright turn him down and storm out or something. Maybe he should have. Instead, he arcs a brow.
“Well?”
“Jesus, give me a second!”
“I’m not willingly wasting time on whatever it is you’re trying to spit out right now.”
Seungkwan groans and Chan thinks that’s more like it, this is what their conversations sound like.
“Fine, okay,” Seungkwan motivates himself before looking Chan into the eyes and saying the stupidest thing Chan has ever heard coming from his mouth: “I think you and I were lovers in a past life.”
The younger blinks a few times. Then, he starts laughing maniacally.
“Me? And you? Lovers?” He can’t stop laughing, holding himself up on the sink counter. “Oh, that’s a good one.”
Seungkwan sighs. “I knew this was a bad idea, fuck.”
“Seriously, what’s this about, Seungkwan-ssi? You don’t have to come up with lunatic bullshit, your natural self is idiotic enough.”
“It is about that! A few months ago I started having, I don’t know… Visions? Dreams? Past lives, where we were together.”
Chan raises his brows. “So you have a crush on me? Look. I’m honored, but for me, you’re still—”
“Will you fucking listen to me?” Seungkwan rarely gets angry. He gets worked up, he gets whiny and pouty and complains, but Chan has never seen him genuinely angry. “I don’t like it more than you do, but these are definitely visions. I’m very sure it’s me, I’m also sure it’s you, and it’s driving me insane, okay?”
Chan sighs. “Okay, whatever, let’s say you have visions. Is now the best moment to do this? You’re ruining my fun. It’s Wonwoo hyung’s birthday!”
Seungkwan rolls his eyes. “You don’t believe me.”
“Do you hear yourself?” Chan retorts. “How would anyone believe you? You’re drunk and saying impossible things!”
“I’m not-- well, I am drunk, but it’s not—”
“Can you just let me enjoy my night? Talk to me when it’s done or something, I don’t care! It’s the last birthday we can enjoy with everyone before the seniors move away.”
Seungkwan looks at him in doubt and Chan gives him a sideways look. Someone tries to open the door. “Get the fuck out of the bathroom!” Seungcheol shouts.
So Seungkwan has no choice but to nod and open. Chan almost expects the older to ask them what they were doing, but his hands are busy holding Soonyoung by the waist and guiding him to the shower to wash off whatever liquid has been dropped on him.
They hurry out and Chan goes back to Vernon and Minghao. Wonwoo has joined them but Chan doesn’t pay attention, he just grabs a cup of water and nurses it for hours. His will to get wasted has disappeared, now replaced by what Seungkwan said. He really doesn’t get what game he’s playing, doesn’t understand the rules and can’t see what the goal would even be. When there are only about half the people left, Chan lets himself consider the possibility that Seungkwan was actually serious and genuine. Maybe he’s going insane, should Chan take him to see a specialist? Or was he telling the truth and Chan just hasn’t realized it yet? No, this Chan can’t let himself believe.
Thus, until the only people left are the host and a passed-out couple cuddling on the sofa, and a drunk Soonyoung snoring in Wonwoo’s room, Chan lives on the dance floor.
When Seungcheol passes by him on his way out, he points towards the garden with his chin.
“Seungkwan’s waiting for you at the hot tub.”
“Huh?”
“I’m glad you guys decided to finally talk it out properly, by yourselves.”
“Oh, right, yeah…”
“Wonwoo says you can take his roommates’ rooms as long as you don’t make a mess.”
“Thanks, hyung. Get home safely!”
“I’ll see you tomorrow when I come back to get the tiger.”
Chan chuckles and waves him goodbye, before going towards the hot tub.
As Seungcheol said, Seungkwan’s waiting for him there. Not just next to it like Chan thought, but inside it, fully clothed.
“Seokmin,” he just states as an explanation.
Chan nods and climbs to sit on the edge. The bubbles are off but the water is at a comfortable temperature in the chill of the late night.
“So…” Chan starts.
Seungkwan takes a breath. “It started the day after my birthday. I don’t remember exactly what happened in that one, they all blended together at that point… I just knew you were there. And that I was in love with you.” The last sentence visibly pains him, yet his face also shows sadness in the way he looks away.
Chan opens his mouth but Seungkwan notices and holds a hand up, pruney fingers glowing softly in the tub’s light.
“Just- just hear me out, yeah? You can decide to believe me or not once I’m done, but I can’t handle us arguing over it before I’ve gotten it all out. It’s already taken me weeks to finally decide to talk to you about it.”
The air of sincerity Seungkwan bears makes Chan close his mouth again. He lets him go on, quiet.
“I thought I’d gone crazy, that I developed feelings against my will and my brain was providing me with unwanted scenarios. As days went by, weeks, I started getting clearer visions. More than vague dream-like feelings, I could see faces, places, the scenes made more sense.
“About three months in, they didn’t feel made-up anymore. It felt like I was remembering stuff, memories.”
“And- sorry- I was in all of them?”
“No. Yes. Well, you were in most. Those where you weren’t, still talked about you? Conversations which you were the subject of or moments where it only felt like you were missing.”
Seungkwan does his best to look Chan in the eyes at that, but Chan is already looking away at his feet—crossed at the ankle and moving back and forth in the warm water. He goes on.
“It took me a while to accept that I wasn’t making these up, but once I did, I started looking into them. Maybe I should’ve gone to the doctor and requested a brainwash, but that would risk getting me into an asylum. Instead, I decided to study my own brain. I wrote down every dream or vision I would get as soon as I could, in the most detail possible.”
“Were there a lot?” Somehow, Chan feels guilty. It can’t be his fault and yet…
Seungkwan shrugs. “At that point, about three or four a week. But the occurrences kept getting more frequent as time passed by. I don’t know whether writing them out encouraged that or if it would’ve increased anyway.
“After that decision, it only took me about two weeks to realize that there were a bunch of different settings, people, places; different timelines. I would categorize them, group them together when I felt like they fit. Some were easier to place, some I got wrong and realized with new additions—some I still have no idea.”
Seungkwan is frowning by now, but he also seems less tense, relieved to finally be able to share.
“How many?”
“Mh?”
“How many… Categories? How many timelines?”
“Up to now, I have distinguished eleven separate ones. I- I don’t have the notebook with me but if you ever want to see them…”
Seungkwan trails off, but Chan is still hanging on to his every word.
“That’s all I have,” the former adds when he notices. “When it got to at least one vision a day, I decided I had to share. That’s where we are. Your move.”
“Right. Okay,” Chan breathes out.
It’s a lot. It’s senseless, impossible. Chan doesn’t believe in reincarnation, and in soulmates even less. Fuck, soulmates. No matter how hard he tries to push back, there is this warmth in his gut that makes him want to believe Seungkwan.
“So- let’s say you’re right.”
That seems to take Seungkwan by surprise, as if he’d expected Chan to call a psychiatrist on him as soon as he was done.
“Let’s say that we—in past lives—were together. Multiple past lives.” He avoids saying that word, keeping it buried in himself. “So what? What does that mean for us now? What do we do about it?”
The older’s lips are pinched, his eyes wandering everywhere but in Chan’s direction.
“Did you have a plan that involved more than just laying it all on me?”
It’s as if Chan has to worm it out of Seungkwan, but eventually, he does.
“I did. Kind of. But it’s- it’s… stupid?”
“I don’t think anything you can say now would sound weirder than the whole conversation we just had, hyung.”
Chan has only called Seungkwan ‘hyung’ without taunt twice in his entire relationship with him: when they met, and just now. Seungkwan does realize this if his expression is anything to go by. Has Chan ever looked at Seungkwan’s face for this long?
“It’s just an idea, okay? I’ve probably watched too many movies, it’s probably not going to work, but—”
“Just get to the point, Boo.”
“Fine.”
But whereas Chan expected him to start explaining, Seungkwan just gets up and walks across the tub towards Chan. It’s not very large, but his movements feel slowed down. Maybe it’s just in Chan’s head, maybe it’s the water. He gets right before the younger, puts his hands on his knees—his wet hands soak right through the fabric, and Chan’s thighs feel warm—and he leans forward.
A million thoughts pass through Chan’s mind, none he can get a grasp on. Droplets drip from Seungkwan’s shirt, hair, chin, they fall on his dry clothes but he can barely think about this because in an instant, Seungkwan’s misty lashes flutter closed and his lips touch Chan’s.
Chan’s eyes are wide open. All he sees is Seungkwan’s face, so close it’s blurry, and all he feels is the water falling on him, soaking his clothes, and Seungkwan’s lips on his.
Should he do something? Should he kiss back? Should he even close his eyes? Chan is frozen on the spot and the mere seconds that Seungkwan stays close extend like hours in his body.
Then, Chan slips. Suddenly, he’s immersed in the hot tub, Seungkwan fallen into him and water clogging his ears. He can hear his heart beat loudly. He almost forgets to stand up, but Seungkwan pulls him back above.
“Oh my God,” Seungkwan says, still lightly coughing out tub water. “I’m so sorry, I destabilized you. Are you okay?
Chan brushes his wet bangs out of his face. “I’m alright, I think. Might get a bruise on my elbow when it hit the seat, but nothing broken.”
Seungkwan sighs in relief. “Good. Fuck, I’m so sorry. I told you it was a stupid idea. I just thought— Did it even work?”
Done wiping water away from his face, Chan looks back up at Seungkwan and his concern. He shakes his head.
“I don’t think so, no.”
The other sighs again, this time in defeat. “From what I can remember, you’re usually the one who figures it out first. I never get past the point at which I remembered, I don’t know how you did it.”
“Oh.”
Silence falls upon them. It becomes sort of awkward. Should soulmates not always find a way to connect? Chan feels so far away from Seungkwan right now, as the other looks into the void.
He splashes Seungkwan. Seungkwan looks at him with surprise, then a competitive smirk blooms on his mouth—on the lips that kissed Chan’s moments ago—and he splashes Chan back. It turns into a water battle, and no one gets out of it victorious. They’re both already soaked, anyway.
At some point, Chan forfeits. “I give up! I give up!” he says in a burst of laughter.
The sun brushes the horizon, the sky slowly lighting up in shades of blue and pink. They get out of the water, and Seungkwan follows Chan’s lead when he dresses down to his underwear to hang his clothes on the laundry line.
Their steps sound wet when they enter back in the house. Jeonghan and Joshua are still asleep on the couch, Chan doesn't know which one is snoring, but he’s careful as he walks to the stairs. He doesn’t want someone to wake up and start asking questions. Seungkwan still follows after him, but he doesn’t mind.
“I’m gonna take underwear from Wonwoo hyung’s closet, do you want any?”
“Isn’t Soonyoung sleeping there?”
“Considering how much he drank, he’s most definitely sleeping like a brick by now.”
“Okay, sure then.”
Chan is out of the room with two pairs of boxers as quickly as he got in, mortified by the creaking of the door.
Seungkwan isn’t in the hallway anymore but all Chan has to do to find him is follow the wet footsteps on the floorboards. They lead him to the room at the end of the hallway and he gets in.
Seungkwan is toweling off his hair, back to the door. He turns around when Chan closes behind him and holds out the towel to him.
“I only found one,” he says.
Chan nods and hands Seungkwan underwear in return, turning his back so Seungkwan can change while he dries himself off.
Once dry and changed, he turns back around. Seungkwan is still waiting, so he calls to him. “I’m clothed,” he says with a chuckle.
Once again facing each other in silence, Seungkwan rolls back and forth on his heels.
“So—” Chan starts as Seungkwan asks “Can I stay with you tonight?”
“Oh,” he blurts.
“Sorry, I shouldn’t—”
“No, it’s…” Chan smiles awkwardly, “it’s okay. You can.”
“I don’t want to make it w—”
“Please stay?”
Chan feels like he’s burning all over. He thanks whatever luck he has that Seungkwan hadn’t turned the light on, his blush blending into the sunrise’s light.
“Okay.”
They get in bed, each on their respective sides.
Chan is on his back, and Seungkwan has his back turned to him. He’s tired but sleep comes slowly. When Chan starts dozing off, he feels Seungkwan shift in the bed. He forces himself to stay awake a little more, out of curiosity.
He hears it before he feels it, Seungkwan’s hand shyly shifting, inching slowly towards his own. Is he trying to hold my hand? Chan doesn’t know how he feels about it. They kissed, trying to bring Chan memories back. They’re sleeping in the same room, out of convenience. But holding hands is different. They’re running down stairs of intimacy, skipping steps without waiting for anyone to catch up.
Seungkwan’s hand brushes his own, but he gives up. Chan turns, he can feel Seungkwan freezing in fear of having done something wrong, but he reaches too. His pinky grazes the older’s, and in an unspoken understanding, they link.
It’s not hand-holding, but somehow it still feels strange in Chan’s gut. He falls asleep.
The bed is almost empty when Chan wakes up. Almost; Seungkwan is gone, but there is a note in his place. It reads:
didn’t have it in me to wake you up, sorry.
meet me at diamond café today, 5pm?
i’ll bring the notebook :)