Chapter Text
The sun was shining in the sky and no clouds were in sight as Aether skipped into the Knights of Favonius headquarters. Today was, by all accounts, a great day. He hadn’t been struck by lightning when he awoke, he had finished his commissions in five minutes, he’d cooked another dozen Sweet Madames, and he’d even gotten the Aquila Favonia sword he’d been wanting for months. After spending the last few weeks in Inazuma, where he’d camped out in unrelenting thunderstorms and fought hordes of samurai, he was unbelievably relieved to be back in Mondstadt—even if it meant he had to take care of some business. The Acting Grand Master Jean had requested his aid for “a highly sensitive and important issue,” as she’d put it.
Aether warmly greeted the knights standing guard in the headquarters’ halls and made a beeline for Jean’s office. He knocked three times, expecting the usual “Come in!”
Instead, Jean yanked open the door, ponytail a disheveled mess, eyes ringed by dark circles—likely the result of sleep deprivation—and shoved a gleefully giggling Klee into his face. “Please take Klee. Get out of Mondstadt. Go!”
And the door slammed in Aether’s face, leaving him with nothing but a hyperactive, squealing child and his own troubled thoughts. He blinked slowly, still in shock. Was the world ending? Was Mondstadt about to be destroyed? What was going on?!
Aether shouldered the door open, noticing Lisa fast asleep with her head resting on a pile of books in the corner of the office. Nearby, Kaeya and Albedo were poring over a map at Jean’s desk and speaking in hushed tones. Jean stared expectantly at Aether. “Sorry to interrupt, but… is Mondstadt in danger? Is the world ending? What can I do to help?”
Jean sighed, rubbing her eyes wearily. “Given your experience, I appreciate your concerns, but this time, it’s nothing important. We have misplaced a historically significant artifact dating back to the founding of Mondstadt. It appears to be a wooden statuette, a carving of the first Grand Master, Vennessa, which is the only known carving bearing her likeness in Teyvat. We believe it has been stolen by someone who has visited the headquarters lately, so we have launched an operation throughout Mondstadt to track down the thief.”
Aether opened his mouth to suggest that he could help them find it, but Jean put up a hand. “I know you are eager to help us, Honorary Knight, but this pilferer dared to take a statue of the first Grand Master directly from the Knights of Favonius headquarters. We will find and return the artifact, and make sure this person faces the wrath of the Acting Grand Master. ”
Aether shivered at Jean’s deadly tone of voice. In the background, Lisa’s tower of books tilted precariously to the side, on the verge of collapse.
“If you could take care of Klee while we sort this out, we would sincerely appreciate your help. Please make sure she stays away from Mondstadt in case she causes another accident, which could interrupt the operation and endanger civilians and knights,” Jean instructed, hurriedly pushing Lisa upright and rearranging the stack of encyclopedias. “Albedo, Kaeya, Lisa, and I will be working the entire day—or longer—to get to the bottom of this, but you are welcome to drop by with Klee tonight. Thank you again.” She shut the door firmly.
Klee bounced on her heels excitedly. “Aether! Let’s go fishing! Klee knows a really good place in Springvale, but Jean and Kaeya never let Klee go there because… ” She continued babbling excitedly, imitating explosions with hand gestures. Her glorified babysitter sweatdropped as he listened to the tales of her exploits.
Oh gods.
“That… sounds great, Klee!” Aether smiled warmly, hoping he could get Klee to change her mind. “Let’s, uh, go fishing somewhere else! Have you ever visited Liyue before?”
On their way to the gates of Mondstadt—Aether decided to exit the gates rather than parkouring over the walls like he usually did, since he had to be a good role model for Klee—a young girl with cat ears and a tail suddenly stormed out of Cat’s Tail and onto the street, absolutely furious. Aether immediately recognized her as Diona, the bartender at Cat’s Tail.
“Always drinking, always drunk… useless, stupid, shitty vermin scum,” she muttered angrily, fists clenched as she kicked a hapless pebble across the cobblestones.
A light tug on his pant leg had Aether looking down. “It’s Diona!” the girl announced happily, pointing unabashedly at the bartender. “Klee wants to talk to her! I like listening to her!”
“Klee, don’t point, that’s rude,” he chided gently. She pouted in response. “And I don’t think Diona’s in a good mood right now, so we should go—”
“Oh… but… but… ” Klee’s eyes grew large and watery as her chin started trembling. Oh no. Oh no, no no no. Aether was completely certain that if Klee cried on his watch, Jean, Kaeya, and Albedo would have no qualms about hunting him down across Teyvat, putting him in solitary confinement for the rest of his days, and then taking turns stabbing him until—He stopped his train of thought.
“Alright, alright, let’s go talk to her,” Aether conceded, leading Klee towards the tavern. The Spark Knight perked up and bounded over to Diona, who looked annoyed but said nothing. “Dionaaaaa! Did you destroy the wine industry yet? I have new bombs that can help!”
“Oh, hi Klee! I haven’t destroyed it yet… my drinks still taste good, even if I put in all the ingredients Xiangling suggested… ”
“Then do you want to come adventuring with us? We’re going to, uhhh, Lee-yoo-eh?”
“Liyue,” Aether offered, herding both girls towards the Mondstadt gates. “Diona, do you have work later? This might take a while.”
“I have work, but I won’t show up,” Diona grumbled, her bottom lip jutting out stubbornly. “I’ve had enough of dealing with those fucking drunks!”
“What does ‘fucking’ mean?” Klee asked innocently.
Aether felt the blood drain from his face.
“Klee! You shouldn’t say that,” Aether cautioned, already imagining Jean’s terrifying anger. “It’s a word that grown-ups use—”
“—when they’re really, really happy!” Diona interrupted with a shit-eating grin. “Like, ‘Fuck Aether’ is just saying hello!”
Aether shook his head vigorously, already panicking. “No, no, Klee, it’s a bad word! A very bad—”
“So… I can say ‘Fuck Master Jean!’ or ‘Fuck Kaeya!’, right?”
“Yep! And you can even add in other really nice words like shit, dick, dumbass, or asshole! ‘Shit’ means ‘delicious food’, and ‘dick’, ‘dumbass’, and ‘asshole’ are for people you really like!”
“Ooh! I’ve heard big brother Kaeya say ‘shit’ before!” She clapped her hands over her mouth. “Please don’t tell him Klee told you that! He said Jean would be very very angry.”
Aether attempted to reason with her in a last-ditch attempt. “Of course she would be angry, these are bad words, Klee! Jean would not like these new words!”
“But Diona said they were nice words, and Diona is my friend! Klee wants to try the new words too! So… Albedo’s a dick, Lisa’s an asshole, Aether’s a dumbass!”
Aether massaged his temples. He was so fucked.
Ten minutes later.
Diona smirked mischievously. “... Klee, you should ask Aether what sex means.”
“Okay! Aether, what’s sex?” Diona! Why, why, why would you do this, he screamed internally.
“Yeah, I hear about it all the time at Cat’s Tail! Shouldn't grown-ups know all about it?”
Aether refused to dignify either of them with an answer.
Twenty minutes later.
“So… ‘eat shit’ is what I should say at dinner?”
“Yeah! But add more emotion, like… ‘EAT SHIT, FUCKERS!’ And then slam down a plate or something!”
“Ohhhh! I get it!”
At this point, Aether resigns himself to his fate.
Thirty minutes later.
“Are we thereeeeeeeee yet? Are we there yet?! Klee’s tired from walking… ”
“Me too… my legs hurt… ”
Aether ended up awkwardly carrying one girl in each arm.
By the time they arrived in Liyue, Aether was completely sure he’d lost what little remained of his sanity. Hell, he must’ve sinned in his past life to deserve four hours of carrying two kids while being repeatedly assaulted by intrusive questions and swear words. Even though Diona and Klee didn’t weigh much, he could barely lift his arms above shoulder level after carrying them for four hours. But watching the duo excitedly point out everything around them made it all worth it.
Klee turned to Aether with a blindingly bright smile that made his heart melt. Archons above, why is she so adorable? “Aether, Aether! Can we go see the stalls? Is there a market?”
Diona tugged insistently at his sleeve, eyes sparkling. Aether’s willpower crumbled under both children’s combined efforts. “I saw some vendors near the harbour, that’s the market, right?”
“Yep, those are the stalls, let’s go to the harbour,” Aether agreed, leading his charges towards the wharf. Klee was immediately entranced by the brilliant colours of the lanterns and wares while Diona meticulously inspected the fish vendors’ stocks. The weary traveller sighed in relief, sitting down for the first time today on a nearby bench. Maybe he’d get some peace, just for a few minutes—
“Aether! Aether!” He chose to ignore the voice.
“AETHER!”
Baizhu appeared right in front of the bench, startling the poor traveller. “I didn’t expect to see you here, but you came at the perfect time, as always!” Aether finally noticed the little bundle in Baizhu’s arms. Qiqi looked up shyly before sending him a wave.
Uh oh. He felt a strange sense of déjà-vu.
“Bubu Pharmacy’s undergoing renovations right now, and I must run some urgent errands. However, no one’s around to take care of Qiqi, so would you mind if I leave her in your care?"
Aether blanched and briefly considered making a break for it until he remembered that Klee and Diona were still wandering around. Fuck.
“Um, I’d love to, and—”
“Please, I’ll pay you half a million mora and two hundred primogems! Just… please!”
MORA! PRIMOGEMS!
Aether’s eyes immediately lit up. “Sure!” At least Qiqi would be calmer than the other two troublemakers.
Baizhu let out a sigh of relief and lowered Qiqi onto the bench. “Thank you so much, Traveller! Come by Bubu Pharmacy tomorrow, I’ll be there.”
The little girl fiddled awkwardly with her notebook. “Hi Qiqi,” Aether greeted enthusiastically. “Did you want to meet Klee and Diona? They’re really nice, and they’ll like you for sure!”
“Qiqi wants new friends,” she agreed, standing up. “Qiqi will try not to forget.” Aether grinned and took her hand, leading Qiqi towards the stalls. “Let’s go, then!”
He’d just introduced Qiqi to the other two girls when a familiar voice rang out. “Aether! It’s good to see you again,” Beidou called out, ceramic wine jar in hand.
“Likewise, Captain!”
A little flurry of movement behind the captain’s leg caught Aether’s eye, but when he looked again, there was nothing. He must’ve been imagining it.
Beidou, ever observant, noticed Aether’s momentary distraction.
“Ah, yes, I’ve been carrying around a little stowaway from Inazuma! Sayu, don’t be shy,” she chuckled, taking another swig of booze. A tiny girl rolled out from behind the captain.
“This is Sayu, a ninja who specializes in stealth and speed. It was literally impossible to get her off my ship,” Beidou grumbled. “But after Inazuma, my ship was a little damaged, so we’ve been here for a few days to fix things. Today’s the last day we’ll be here. Sayu’s been with me, but I’m not a great role model with all the alcohol and whatnot. Speaking of which, Aether, I know you have a respectable reputation—”
Oh no. Not again. No. No.
“—so could you take care of her until tomorrow morning? We’ll be leaving for Inazuma in the afternoon, so you can drop her off at… say, eleven o’clock in the morning?”
Aether tried to hold it together, he really did, but his face must’ve given it away.
“I mean, if you really don’t want to, I can take care of her, but we had a million mora to spare on board since we looted a treasure chest… ”
MORA. MORA. MORA!
One more person to babysit couldn’t hurt, right? Aether nodded so quickly that he cracked his neck. “Of course! Leave Sayu to me,” he exclaimed, a pained smile on his face.
“Thanks, you’re a real one,” Beidou declared, turning back to the docks.
Aether turned to look for Sayu, but she was nowhere to be found.
Never before had Aether been so glad to sit on a chair.
He’d chased down Sayu for an hour while keeping an eye on the other three girls. Unfortunately, after they were all introduced to each other, Sayu ended up getting along a little too well with the others and taught them a few of her stealth tricks. Aether spent the rest of the morning combing through the entire city for the four.
Fortunately, lunch at Wanmin Restaurant had been a quieter affair; Xiangling had been kind enough to help him watch the children whenever she could. Sayu had wanted to show them something special at the harbour, so Aether had taken the chance to sit by and watch for once. A few metres away, Sayu scampered off the Alcor and back to her friends, a giant package balanced precariously in her arms. From his spot, he could only catch a few snippets of conversation that seemed slightly alarming (nothing out of the ordinary). The girl dumped the oversized packet on the ground and unwrapped it, chattering happily all the while. Dozens of small red sticks fell out of the package and into the others’ eager hands.
Wait. Aether squinted. Were those… fuses on top of the sticks? He scrambled to his feet and promptly tripped over a crack in the ground. Oh fuck, he was so dead—
“So… I can use this to light it?” Klee pulled out a lighter—where did she get that?—and brandished it.
“Yep! These fireworks will be really pretty, I promise! They’re from Naganohara Fireworks! But make sure to stand back, you might get hurt!” Sayu cautioned, tying together all the fuses. “I haven’t lit these before since Beidou didn’t let me… ”
Qiqi held out a long piece of waxed string. “Qiqi thinks we can connect the string and light it from a distance to be safe.”
“That works,” Diona agreed, nodding enthusiastically. And before Aether could even blink, Klee and Co. had already tied the string around the giant bundle and disappeared in the busy harbour.
“Please move back! Stay back!” he yelled, frantically waving people away from the pile of fireworks. “It may be dangerous, please vacate the premises!”
Having cleared away most of the bystanders, Aether immediately ran in the direction the girls had gone in. He searched around desperately, combing through every nook and cranny as he went, until—there! A flash of red at the other end of the dock!
10 metres… 8 metres… 4 metres… He watched in horror as Klee lit the string. A small lick of fire started down the thread, faster and faster. Without thinking twice, he jumped in front of the group, shielding them with his body. Starbursts of white, red, orange, yellow, silver, and gold streaked past the audience and leapt into the sky.
Fzzt… KA-BOOM! BOOM! POW! CRACK!
The harbor shook and the sky turned white from the sheer strength of the detonations. A faint chorus of “oohs” and “aahs”, punctuated by a few terrified screams, arose from the crowd. (The crackling and rumbling of explosives could even be heard all the way in Wangshu Inn, where a certain adeptus almost dropped their almond tofu in surprise.) Sayu cheered and clapped amid the chaos.
“Whoa, so pretty!” Klee cried, her eyes fixed on the glittering sparks above. “There’s so many colours!”
“Qiqi has never seen these fireworks before,” Qiqi added cheerily, scribbling something in her notebook. Admittedly, the fireworks did look quite nice, but Aether wished they’d set them off somewhere safer.
Diona, meanwhile, said nothing, but a small, peaceful smile graced her face. Then her eyes drifted to the side and she frowned.
“I hate to ruin the mood, but… aren’t those stalls on fire?”
Aether groaned, burying his face in his hands. He was completely, royally, utterly fucked.
After he’d helped the merchants put out the fire, he would’ve thought they would’ve been more grateful. Instead, here he was, facing down a gaggle of angry merchants.
“Those kids set off those fireworks! I saw them!”
“Me too! Then my stall caught fire during the explosion, and all my wares were damaged… “
“Hey, since you’re taking care of those children, you better pay me back,” one trader threatened, pointing a finger right into Aether’s face.
“Yeah, half my stock is charred!”
Aether stepped away from the scowling merchants; they apparently didn’t understand the meaning of personal space. “I’m really, really sorry! I tried to stop them, but it was too late!” I don’t even have enough mora to pay everyone back…
A stern voice cut in smoothly. “Please do not cause trouble for the hero of Liyue. You should be grateful for all he has done for our city.” As austere and imposing as ever, Zhongli stepped in front of Aether, exuding an overpowering aura of calm. “Indeed, if you have any financial troubles, you may dispose of Hu Tao’s funds, or you may inquire for Childe’s assets at the Northland Bank. I believe that should suffice to assuage your concerns?”
“Yes, indeed! Thank you for your generosity, Zhongli. I apologize, Traveller, for my brash attitude earlier.”
“As do I, I was worried that my only source of income would be gone… ”
“I am very sorry as well.”
“My sincerest apologies.”
“I do hope you can forgive me, Traveller!”
What just—Everyone’s super nice now that they were promised compensation…
“I forgive you all,” Aether replied awkwardly, facing the crowd of now apologetic merchants. “And may you all have the best of luck with your future endeavours.” The vendors dispersed, chattering amongst themselves.
He was about to thank Zhongli until the archon turned to him, arms crossed, and levelled Aether with a stern glare that rooted him to the spot. Zhongli can be just as scary as Jean… “Now, would you mind telling me why there was an explosion in my city?”
“Whoever did this clearly did so with the purpose of obtaining the wooden statue inside. They also must have had experience with explosives,” Albedo concluded, setting down a magnifying glass and removing his gloves. “The glass was shattered cleanly and the statuette could not have been damaged.”
“Hmm. These traces of ash suggest a fire… you said you also found some explosive powder nearby… ” Jean muttered, closely examining the ruined display case.
Kaeya stepped into the hall, eyebrows slightly furrowed in irritation. “I’m back. Intelligence hasn’t heard or seen anything about this case. They’ve been monitoring the streets and taverns all morning.”
Albedo tapped his chin thoughtfully. “This may sound far-fetched, but what about Klee? Given her experience with fire and explosives—”
“No way,” Kaeya interrupted, looking slightly offended. “Why would she want to steal this figurine? We already taught her about the importance of Grand Master Vennessa in Mondstadtian history, and there’s literally an engraved plaque above the display that reads ‘Vennessa.’” He gestured at the still-intact wooden panel bearing Vennessa’s name.
Jean nodded absentmindedly in agreement as she leafed through a stack of documents.
“All fair points,” Albedo acknowledged, straightening up. “I will go ask Outrider Amber. She might have more information about fires and explosives.”
A young knight suddenly appeared at the mouth of the hall, panting and wheezing. “Acting Grand… Master Jean! Apologies… for the… interruption… ”
Jean looked up, a kind smile on her lips. “Yes?”
The knight took a few deep breaths to compose himself. “From the Intelligence Company: There have been reports of a large explosion in Liyue Harbor. Supposedly, a group of children detonated a pile of fireworks, which exploded and set fire to a few stalls in the harbour.”
“Are there any details about the culprits?”
“Yes, there was one wearing all red, one with cat ears, one with a… bake-danuki… hood, and one with bandages around their legs.”
“Thank you very much for the news. You are dismissed.”
“Yes, Master Jean!”
Liyue… explosions… a child wearing all red… Well, that sounded all too familiar.
Jean exchanged a knowing look with Albedo and Kaeya. “Didn’t Aether and Klee leave Mondstadt?”
“—so that’s how I ended up watching over four children,” Aether finished with a flourish of his hands. He watched warily as the girls started a game of tag a few metres away.
Zhongli chuckled, observing the scene. “You are very good with children. It was kind of you to take on others’ burdens, although I suppose even your patience has its limits.”
“Oh, what’s this?!” Klee squealed, holding up a shimmering, multicoloured berry. Aether immediately zeroed in on the potential threat.
“I’m so sorry, Zhongli, I really have to go,” the traveller apologized hurriedly. “Maybe we could meet up next week? Er, just… send a letter to Katheryne or something?”
“Yes, I will arrange for that to be done. Take care of yourself.”
“Thanks, I’ll try. And thank you for helping me out with the merchants, I really appreciate it—”
“Mmmm, it smells really good! Klee wants to taste it—”
“No, Klee, don’t eat it if you don’t know what it is!” Aether scrambled to her side and pulled her hand away just in time.
Qiqi bobbed her head in agreement. “Klee should not eat it. That is the Caihong berry, known for its beautiful rainbow-like colouring and delectable taste. It’s sweet and a little sour, but it tastes so good that you won’t be able to stop after only one. Qiqi thinks there are side effects… ”
Frowning in thought, she picked up her notebook and flipped through the pages. (Klee, meanwhile, was busy chasing after a Geo Crystalfly, berries forgotten.) “Yes. This rare berry has a plethora of temporary side effects, such as migraines, stomach cramps, vomiting, and muscle weakness. Other side effects may include: hallucinations, colour blindness, and insomnia.”
Diona’s eyes took on a sudden shine as she started muttering under her breath.
Aether froze on the spot, horrified. Migraines? Cramps? Hallucinations? Oh gods, he was so glad he’d stopped Klee just in time. “Klee? Klee!” The little girl skipped back to the group, her hands cupping a crystalfly.
“What’s that? Ooh, a geo crystalfly! That’s pretty cool—wait, no. Did you hear what Qiqi said?'' Aether asked, trying to sound stern.
“Yep! I heard her! I wanna pick lots of them! They look so pretty!”
“Hmm. As long as you don’t eat them, you can pick them… ”
Under normal circumstances, the soothing purple and pink hues of the sunset that bathed the harbour would have been enough to raise Aether's spirits, water his crops, and clear his face. But today, the scene did nothing to assuage his still-aching arms or the stinging scratches on his arms from climbing up stalks of bamboo. (It was a long, long story that he didn’t want to remember.)
Klee bounced along, skipping down the road while keeping up an endless stream of chatter. “I really loved the nice umbrellas, they were so pretty! You too, Qiqi? Mhm! Oh, what’s that, Sayu? Yes, that was amazing too! The food was so good, and—Ooh, did you guys want to learn new words? Diona taught me some, but she wanted to teach more—”
And Aether immediately tuned out, choosing to admire the city lights at dusk. He spent a few minutes in blissful ignorance, basking in the gentle golden glow of Liyue, until he heard Klee say, “I found this doll in the knights’ headquarters in Mondstadt! For some reason, it was in a glass case, but the glass was sooo easy to blow up. Isn’t she pretty?”
Lo and behold, the Spark Knight held a wooden figurine resembling a sturdy woman with hair braided behind her head. He’d heard enough tales and read enough lore to recognize Vennessa.
Aether stopped dead in the middle of the street, oblivious to the hustle and bustle of the city around him.
You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.
After dropping off Qiqi and Sayu—both of whom Diona thought were great friends—and collecting the promised rewards, Aether and Co. had set off toward Mondstadt. Klee was much quieter, probably tired from the long day they’d just had. Diona patted the overfilled, swollen bag of berries in her hand, a demonic smile on her face and ideas swirling in her mind like a blazing inferno. She knew just how to use these berries, but she’d have to get Aether out of her hair for a few moments. Time to play the innocent girl card.
“Hey Aether, I need to go visit Angel’s Share later, but I’ll drop off my stuff at Cat’s Tail first… could you walk me to Angel’s Share? There’s a few creepy people at night… “
“Of course! I’ll drop you off at Cat’s Tail, then drop off Klee, and come back to walk you there.”
“Thanks Aether, you’re the best!”
“No problem!”
The second she bade goodbye to Aether and set foot in the bar, she was mobbed by groups of drunkards. Usually, this would have set her off, but tonight? She had a bag of Caihong berries.
On the other side of Mondstadt, Aether chased after a suddenly re-energized Klee into the building. (For some reason, the moment the headquarters had come into view, Klee had regained all her enthusiasm like a real-life Energizer Bunny.)
Muffled voices could be heard from Jean’s office. Before Aether could catch up, the tiny knight threw open the heavy door and disappeared inside.
“I’M BACK, MOTHERFUCKERS! FUCK YOU ALL! JEAN, YOU’RE A DUMBASS! ALBEDO, YOU’RE AN ASSHOLE! LISA, YOU’RE A BITCH! KAEYA, YOU’RE A DICK! AND I’M A SEXY WHORE!”
The office fell deathly silent.
Aether turned on his heels and made a break for it.
“So why exactly do you need to go to Angel’s Share?” Aether questioned, walking briskly alongside Diona. After his brief escapade at the headquarters, he’d immediately gone to Cat’s Tail to seek refuge.
“I wanted to see if the number of alcoholics decreased at all!” She proudly presented a hefty stack of notebooks that was easily as tall as Paimon. “I keep track of drunkards in taverns in Mondstadt every week. I usually go around whenever there’s time to see if my efforts worked!”
“Oh, uh… that makes sense,” Aether agreed, giving her a thumbs-up. They stopped in front of the tavern. “Do you want me to help you count?”
“Could you do the second floor? Lots of people up there are kind of… weird.”
She passed him a pad of paper and a pen as they entered the bar. Hmm... looks like Diluc’s tending the bar tonight. “Here you go! Thank you for helping.”
After nodding in greeting at Diluc, Aether laboriously climbed the stairs and came face-to-face with the drunkest crowd of people he’d ever seen. He sighed and reluctantly began counting the rowdy, tipsy bar-goers. No wonder why Diona had left this to him…
Meanwhile, one floor below, Diluc was pleasantly surprised to find Diona sitting at the bar, looking relaxed, a pile of dog-eared notebooks by her side. Every time he’d talked to her in the past, she’d chosen instead to stay silent or to retort with some subtle insults. Since then, he’d learned through sources that she, like him, despised alcohol despite being a bartender. He’d never had the opportunity to clear up their previous misunderstanding, but now seemed like his best chance to do so.
“Good evening, Diona. Welcome to Angel’s Share. How may I help you?”
The little girl—her current demeanor reminded him somewhat of Klee’s—smiled innocently at him, closing one of her booklets. She pulled out a small bag from her pocket and set it down in front of her. “Good evening! It’s nothing too important… but recently, I visited Liyue, and when I told someone I was a bartender, they introduced me to their bartender friend. That bartender gave me some berries that they use for their super- secret cocktail. Apparently these can also be used to make a rich, fragrant wine.” Then why doesn’t she keep them for herself? Why is she in a rival tavern?
Her eyebrows furrowed in annoyance. “But you see, I hate alcohol! I don’t want to attract more drunkards, so I have no use for these berries… and you’re the only bartender I could find in nearby taverns. I have no clue if these have any alcohol content, and I can’t have alcohol since I’m underage. Anyways, I would never forgive myself for having any alcohol! Could you help me?” Diluc looked at her, considering—and that was his mistake. How could he resist puppy eyes, the ultimate weapon of all children?
He nodded slowly. “... I will help you, even though I myself dislike alcohol as well.”
Diona’s eyes widened slightly at the revelation, but she grinned widely and pushed the half-empty satchel toward him. “The bartender said if I try them, I have to eat all of them together since drinks made of these berries will be just as potent.”
Diluc poured the contents of the bag onto his palm and carefully examined the handful of colourful, sweet-smelling berries. They didn’t seem poisonous… “What are these called?”
The girl shrugged, curiously eyeing the small fruit in his hand. “I don’t remember, but I can ask again next time?”
“Ah, then there is no need to do so, but thank you nevertheless.” He delicately pinched one between his fingers and popped it into his mouth. It was sweet with a note of tangy sourness like that of citrus fruit, yet there was also a minty, fizzy aftertaste that left him feeling like he’d just had a sip of sparkling water. Not bad. Quite refreshing.
“This is delicious,” he commented after he’d eaten the rest of the berries in quick succession. “It could make an interesting drink… ”
“You think so?” Diona wondered aloud, drumming her fingers on the table. “I can try to find that bartender again and tell you where he got those berries from. But it might take a little while, since… Diluc? Are you okay?”
No. No, he was far from okay. Suddenly, the shouting, the clinking of glasses… everything was muted as if he was underwater, yet everything was too loud. His head felt like a hundred Fatui skirmishers had been using it as a punching bag and his knees wobbled so hard he would’ve fallen over if it weren’t for his death grip on the bar counter. And gods, his stomach was hurting so much that he was fighting the urge to curl up on the floor and scream. But there was that feeling of something rising in his throat, just like one of the rare times he’d drunk too much alcohol—
“E-Excuse me. I… must use the restroom.”
Finally having finished counting the bodies staggering around upstairs, Aether tramped down the stairs just in time to see Diluc, face pale and eyes shut, stumbling away from the bar. Wait… his eyes noticed the empty bag on the counter—Wasn’t that half-full? Where did the Caihong berries inside go?—and Diona’s triumphant smirk. Oh. Oh no. Not Diluc!
“I think I can walk myself back,” Diona declared, taking back her notepad and pen from Aether’s hands. “Diluc, though… he might need help,” she giggled cheerily, hopping off the barstool. “Good night, Aether!”
Aether decided that it would be a great time to get Barbara on the scene.
The brisk night air bit at his cheeks as he raced through the alleys toward the Church of Favonius, his heart threatening to pound out of his chest. The giant statue of Barbatos came into view as he paused in the dark alleyway, panting for breath. Gods, he was so utterly exhausted from the entire day, and he hadn’t even gotten a wink of sleep yet—
A gloved hand gripped his shoulder tightly. Aether jumped, grasping his sword hilt. The stranger’s hand left his shoulder briefly and brushed the traveller’s hand away from his weapon. “I wouldn’t do that if I were you, Aether.” He turned to see Jean, Acting Grand Master, her sword out and at the ready. “We trusted you. Now explain.”
What? What the fuck? He looked right, then left, trying to find a way out of the alleyway, only to find both exits blocked by Kaeya and Albedo. They approached him, leisurely swinging their swords. “Wait, what do you mean? I don’t understand, I was going to get Barbara for help—”
“Not until you answer my questions,” Jean enunciated calmly, betraying no hint of emotion. She laughed dryly, sending chills down his back, and stared into his eyes. “What did you do to Klee?”
“I—what? Isn’t she at the headquarters?”
“She is safe now. What did you do to her earlier? Why is she swearing like a sailor?”
“I swear that wasn’t me, it was Diona! I would never swear in front of her.”
“How, then, did Diona meet Klee?”
Aether took a deep breath to calm himself and met Jean’s steely gaze. “This morning, I was walking out of Mondstadt when Klee bumped into Diona outside Cat’s Tail. Then Diona said she had no work to do in the morning, so she went with us to Liyue Harbor, where we spent the whole day. Then we went back, I dropped her off at Cat’s Tail, I dropped off Klee at headquarters, and then I walked Diona to Angel’s Share, as per her request. And now I’m going to get Barbara because Diluc’s probably having stomach cramps and headaches while vomiting his guts out on the floor.”
Jean’s eyes widened in confusion. “Kaeya, can you check on Diluc and confirm? Albedo can help me here if needed.” The cavalry captain saluted and disappeared. Albedo, however, came closer, his blade gleaming in the moonlight. “Why exactly is Diluc sick, and how is it that you know?”
By the time Aether had finished giving a full account of his misadventures, Kaeya had returned, one hand holding a chunk of ice to his forehead. “When I visited, Diluc chucked a teapot and a wine bottle at my head, then told me to ‘kindly leave before I lose my patience and introduce your face to my toilet.’ So I’ll go get Barbara now.”
“How does that—you know what, I’ll take that as enough evidence,” Jean muttered, writing down a few notes in a notebook. She faced Aether, giving him a warm smile. “You’re in the clear for now. But just know that you will face consequences if you harm Klee.” Her smile immediately disappeared.
Aether sweatdropped. “Understood.” I get to live another day...
“Those berries do seem intriguing… Caihong, you say? I’ve never heard of them before. If you have time, please write down a description of them and of their smell and taste as well as side effects, if you know of any. But I believe we must go back to headquarters, especially as Klee is still there.”
“Speaking of headquarters, I know where the statuette is,” Aether added. “I’ll tell you once we get back to headquarters… ”
“So you’re saying… Klee had it all along?”
Everyone seated around the office table stared in shock at the teary-eyed Spark Knight, who held out the missing statue. “But… Klee thought it was spelled V-A-N-E-S-S-A, not V-E-N-N-E-S-S-A… I’m so sorry! I’ll see myself to solitary confinement… ”
“Actually, you don’t need to this time, it was our fault for not teaching you how to spell her name,” Jean reasoned, stopping the little girl in her tracks. “But that doesn’t excuse blowing up glass cases. So you have to stay in my office where we can see you.”
“Yay! Klee can have fun!”
“No explosives though, or else solitary confinement.”
“We also have to fix the glass,” Albedo interjected, pointing at a large glass case on the floor. “Anyone?”
The room remained silent. Aether slowly raised his hand. “All you need to do is hammer it into the wall,” Albedo instructed, handing the traveller the large glass case, nails, and a hammer. “It won’t take more than five minutes.”
“Alright, I’ll be back!”
Five minutes turned into ten after Aether almost dropped the display case twice and accidentally hit his thumb with the hammer. He stepped back and brushed a stubborn strand of hair out of his face. Finally, Vennessa’s statue was back where it should be, under the care of the Knights of Favonius. Looking back one more time, he made his way out of the hall and back to Jean’s office.
“Hey everyone, I’m back! The case is all set,” Aether announced, returning the tools back to Albedo.
“Thank you very much, Honorary Knight,” Jean replied graciously, her hands folded carefully over the table. “Klee also shared the berries she brought back with us, and she even left a bit for you too.”
“Yep! Klee even told them to eat shit like Diona taught me! We saved a little bit for you, but everyone’s eaten theirs!”
“They were quite delicious… a unique flavour,” Albedo commented idly.
Aether blanched, hand gripping the armrest of the chair he was sitting on. “Wait. Klee. Did you eat any?” The knights all looked up at the sound of the traveller’s unusually dead serious tone.
“Nope! Klee heard Qiqi say ‘Klee should not eat it,’ so I didn’t eat any,” the little girl answered cheerfully. “She didn’t say not to give it to others though!”
“Did you hear about the side effects?”
“Hmmm… Klee was busy chasing crystalflies… ” She looked away bashfully and fiddled with her fingers.
Aether’s eyes grew to the size of dinner plates as he ran his hand in frustration through his hair. Why is this happening to me? “I’m terribly sorry about this, but… I believe you all know of Diluc’s current condition.” Everyone nodded slowly.
“It was caused by those berries that you just ate.”
Kaeya cleared his throat and rose from his seat unsteadily. “You know, I do feel quite nauseous right now… ”
“Me too… ”
“Me three.”
Needless to say, the meeting was immediately adjourned.
Aether hurriedly dashed down the winding alleys leading to the Knights of Favonius headquarters. After the berry fiasco yesterday, he’d decided to check on the knights to see how they were doing.
Even though the sun had just risen and few were up and about, a lone figure dressed in red was already sitting on the bench facing the headquarters. Could that be… The Spark Knight immediately brightened at the sight of the traveller. “Good morning, Aether! Jean, Albedo, and Kaeya are still throwing up and feeling sick, so Jean said you can take care of me again today!”
The traveller's brain stopped functioning for a second. His legs gave way and he crumpled to the ground, numbly staring at his hands. Not again, please, gods no!
“Oh, there you are!” He slowly raised his head to meet Diona’s gaze. “Diluc isn’t feeling well and a bunch of customers fell sick, so there are no alcohol deliveries and no customers! Could I hang out with you and Klee again? And… we could go back to Liyue! That would be so fun!”
Aether spent the rest of the morning crying helplessly while lying face-first on the cobblestones in front of the knights’ headquarters.