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“Hey, Timothy,” Arizona said, setting a bouquet of flowers on the grass. “Long time no see.”
Arizona awkwardly came to her knees, mindful not to lean too hard on her prosthetic, before taking a seat in the grass. Kneeling with only one knee used to be exceptionally difficult, but close to a decade in, Arizona had it down to a science. She brushed her hand along the headstone, dislodging all the dirt and dust that had collected against the crevices in the marble.
TIMOTHY DANIEL ROBBINS
MAJOR, U.S. ARMY
AFGHANISTAN
FEB 11, 1973 – AUG 30, 2003
OPERATION MOUNTAIN VIPER
BRONZE STAR
PURPLE HEART
BELOVED SON & BROTHER
Tim was a big guy – both in size at 6’2 and in personality – so it was almost impossible to believe that this was all that was left of him. Just a patch of grass and a headstone. He was only one of the hundreds of thousands of people buried in Arlington National Cemetery. No matter how many times Arizona visited, it never failed to humble her, how they could fit so much person into such a tiny box. How did they manage to fit Arizona’s entire world into something just eighty by twenty-six inches?
Eighteen years had passed since Arizona lost Tim. It simultaneously, paradoxically felt like the shortest and longest eighteen years of Arizona’s life.
Arizona couldn’t remember the last time she’d been to see Tim. Arizona had visited often through her residency at Hopkins. The drive was only about an hour. However, since Arizona made the move to Seattle to begin her fellowship, she’d only come to see Tim a handful of times, unlike her parents who visited every Sunday morning. Some people went to church, but Daniel and Barbara went to Arlington National Cemetery to see Tim, the most recent in a long line of Robbins men buried there. The name Robbins, for Arizona, was practically synonymous with soldier. It meant a good man in a storm, something Arizona desperately tried (and often failed) to be.
Last week’s now-wilted bouquet, undoubtedly from Barbara, sat beside Arizona’s. It was funny, almost, as, in life, Tim never really cared for flowers. When people would give him flowers, Tim would always make a joke saying he’d rather have chocolates or something useful. Now, flowers were the only thing Arizona could think to bring him. A six-pack of Stella Artois or a bottle of whiskey and a Rolling Stones album hardly seemed appropriate. It was a cemetery, after all.
“I moved to New York,” Arizona said, running her fingers through the meticulously manicured blades of grass surrounding her. “About four months ago now.” Arizona exhaled audibly. “I know, I know, I should have come sooner. I don’t have a good excuse. It’s only a four-hour drive.” The dewy grass was cool against Arizona’s fingers, grounding her. “Sofia turned ten about three months ago. I caved and finally bought her an iPad. I know, The Colonel would never. But she kept stealing mine or Callie’s, and I figured it’s better than a cell phone.” Arizona chuckled dryly. “Sofia is perfect. I know, I sound like every mom, thinking my kid is the best thing in the world, but Sofia is . She is the greatest thing to ever happen to me. God, I wish you could meet her. She’s incredible. So smart, beautiful, funny, and so, so perceptive. You can’t get anything past her. She’s the world’s greatest kid. My best friend – next to you, of course. How the hell did I think I didn’t want this? I know you tried to talk me out of my tirade against motherhood for years, but I wouldn’t do anything differently if I had the chance. I wouldn’t trade Sofia for the world, less than ideal circumstances, rough start, and all. She’s– Tim, she’s awesome . My only regret is that you never got to be the equally-awesome Uncle Tim you were destined to be.” Arizona bit her lip, fighting back tears. There weren’t words in any language to capture how much she missed her brother. Her better half. Growing up, Tim was everything to her. More than her best friend – her confidant, partner in crime, protector, and personal comedian. There wasn’t anything Tim couldn’t do. Nothing except to live past thirty.
“I can’t believe you’d be forty-eight. We’re getting old,” Arizona laughed. “You’d be an old man now. Do you think you’d still have hair? I mean dad still does, at 79, so I feel like chances are you would. I’m sure you’d still be a heartbreaker.” Arizona traced his first name on the headstone with her index finger. “You have no idea how much I miss you.”
“Nicole Herman – do you remember her?” Arizona paused, almost waiting for a reply. “Well, she and I opened the Robbins-Herman Center for Women’s Health. We’re not only saving moms and babies, but we’re preparing the next generation to continue our work. How amazing is that?” Arizona smiled half-heartedly. “Sometimes, in surgery, I feel like a superhero. It sounds crazy, but to hold an unborn baby in my hands, that rush of adrenaline, I feel like I could fly.”
Arizona adjusted her sunglasses, the mid-Atlantic sun beating down hard. “Alex is good. He moved to Kansas to be with Izzie, his ex-wife. Former ex-wife, now, I guess, and their kids. I know, Alex Karev is a dad! It’s hard to believe, but he’s the best dad. I always knew he had it in him. It’s the Peds touch. None of us knew about the kids – not even Alex – but they’re great. Alex is so happy. And Teddy, she’s doing great, too. She had a baby girl. Allison. She and Owen got engaged. I really want to say finally because she’s been in love with the man for god knows how long, but I still think she deserves someone better. Not that I’d say that to her face or anything. And April moved to Boston, so she and Harriet can be closer to Jackson. We take the train to see each other pretty often, which is awesome. She and Jackson are back together, and I’m happy that April is happy, but I can’t help but worry about her. That man broke her heart more than once. I don’t want to see her get hurt again. But, y’know, I can’t control everything. I know, that’s rich coming from your control-freak sister, but I’m learning to take a more hands-off approach. As long as she’s happy, I’m happy, and she knows I’m always here if she needs me. And I know you see them a lot, but mom and dad are good. I’m looking after them, I promise. You don’t need to worry. Not about them or about me.”
Arizona took a deep breath. “I guess I’ve kinda been dreading telling you this because I know what you’re going to say. Callie and I are back together. There were flirty texts, and then once I moved, things were different. Well, different but also kind of the way they used to be? Back when things were good, I mean. It feels like we’re young again.” Arizona bit her lip. “And I know, she hurt me. She left me, and then she left me again, but it was worse because that time she took Sofia. No one has ever, in the history of my life, hurt me like Calliope, but April told me to stay open to possibilities, and I– Tim, I love her so much. More than I’ve ever loved anyone. And she makes me so, so, so happy. So we’re taking things slow. I’ll tread carefully, I promise. But it’s for good this time. I know it.”
Arizona turned around, catching sight of Callie, holding Sofia’s hand, on a bench a few yards behind Arizona. She motioned for them to come over.
Hesitantly, hand-in-hand, Sofia and Callie made their way to Arizona, small smiles on their carbon-copy faces.
“Hey,” Callie whispered, reaching for Arizona’s hand to help her up. “Are you sure about this? I know it’s got to be hard for you. You don’t have to do it.”
Arizona took a deep breath, smiling despite the tears in her eyes. “Yeah. I’m sure. Super sure. It’s long overdue.” Arizona turned to Sofia, leaning over, hands on her knees so they were level. “Are you ready to meet your Uncle Tim?”