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Jay woke up from the heavy feeling in his arm. The soft beaming of the sun from the sliding door that's connected to their balcony wakes him more. He rubbed his eyes and stared at the man who was peacefully sleeping beside him.
He's so beautiful , he thinks.
From his long lashes to the bridge of his nose, to his soft, plump cheeks, to his pink lips, Jay thinks this man is achingly perfect.
And he's mine.
Jay smiled at what he thought. Yes, he is his.
He doesn't know how or why, but he was lucky enough that this very person, who looks like an angel while sleeping, is his. And he has no plans to let him go.
Jay didn't move from his position. Disturbing the peaceful sleep of his lover is the last thing he wants. He didn't mind the numbness that's slowly appearing on his arm; that's not important . What's important is the comfort of the man who's in his arms.
Jay softly traced Jungwon's features. He'll never get tired of this—seeing his angelic face every morning. He'll never get tired of seeing how the rays of the sun light Jungwon's face in the best way possible. It's making the latter look more breathtaking, which he already is.
It's moments like when Jay realizes how lucky he is. Having this understanding, supportive, loving, and thoughtful lover is something Jay treasures the most. It's not something that anyone can have in this cruel world. The love and adoration are flowing in his heart so much that he doesn't know where to put them.
Jungwon shifts softly, snuggling closer to Jay. It makes the older man chuckle, which makes Jungwon open his eyes. He groans when he sees Jay smiling so wide and looking at him with fond eyes. Waking up to Jay being like that makes his heart bloom with love—love he didn't know could grow this much. It's overwhelming, but a good type of overwhelming.
Jungwon smiled back before snuggling closer and putting his face to the crook of Jay's neck—his favorite part of his lover. Jungwon loves how Jay smells; he feels safe whenever he smells his scent. It's a bit sensual for others, but for Jungwon, it's not. He just loves his scent; that's it.
"time to get up" The younger one groaned. He doesn't want to move from their position, doesn't want to be away from Jay. He still wants to cuddle with him.
"later" Jungwon lazily replied before closing his eyes and snuggling closer.
Closer, closer, closer, always closer.
He can't get enough. It's never enough.
"since when did you become a koala?" Jay teases, pulling Jungwon closer to him. He doesn't know if there's something closer than they are right now, but he still wants to be closer.
They're both so tangled to each other that you wouldn't know who's leg is who. They're always like this, cuddling, teasing, and always pulling each other closer. Jay doesn't like mornings, but when he met his angel, he had a reason to love them.
It was an hour later when Jay finally convinced Jungwon to get out of bed. The younger one laughed at him when he yelled because he moved his arms too suddenly. Jay was about to tickle him, but Jungwon managed to get out of their bedroom, laughing and running like a child. Of course, Jay followed him, running after his lover, who was enjoying their situation too much.
They end up on their living room floor, tired from running around too much and laughing too much. And when they finally felt their hunger, they went to the kitchen and had fun making pancakes and sipping each other's coffee. These silly things are what make their relationship more special.
Jay found himself staring at his person. The feeling of love and adoration he has for Jungwon is so overflowing that he doesn't know what to do with it. It's so much, yet it's not enough. He can't get enough when it comes to Jungwon.
Their breakfast was full of teasing, cuddling, bickering, staring at each other, doing silly things, and laughing over those silly things. It was so light and so natural that they didn't notice the time. They took a bath together, taking their time to pamper each other.
Jay loves taking care of Jungwon. He loves putting shampoo on his hair and how Jungwon softens when he starts massaging his scalp; he loves how they both ask each other's opinion about their clothes; and he loves how Jungwon lets him dry his hair. He also loves how Jungwon dries his hair and will always style it to whatever he likes, and Jay's fine with whatever his lover does to him.
"It suits you when your hair's down," Jungwon said while sitting at the bed, behind Jay, who's sitting in front of their little hairdresser.
"Stop staring at me or else I'll kiss you," Jay warned while looking at Jungwon through the mirror. The younger man chuckled, not threatened at all.
"I knew it." He turned around and faced Jungwon.
"You really like kissing me, don't you?" He said it with full confidence, which made Jungwon chuckle even more. He's enjoying this moment, seeing Jay get all confident and brave, because they both know that it's the other way around.
"We both know the truth, lover ," Jungwon said sweetly before stealing a peck from Jay's lips and stroding off the room. They both know what that endearment does to Jay, which Jungwon finds highly adorable.
A few minutes later, Jay finally left their bedroom and joined Jungwon on their sofa. He quickly hides his face in the crook of Jungwon's neck and hugs him sideways. Jungwon's trying hard not to coo because of his boyfriend's cuteness, so he bites his lip hard and just concentrates his attention on the show he is watching.
"I’m hungry," Jay uttered. Jungwon turned off the television without a second thought and faced Jay.
"Let's go eat," Jungwon stated, standing up to change. Jay smiled at his boyfriend, thinking about how amazing Jungwon is.
So they did go out.
They went to their favorite restaurant not too far from their home, ate their favorite food, talked about random things, and ordered their favorite desserts. When they got bored, they drove around while singing along in the car. And when they reached their destination, they took a walk while holding each other's hands tightly, not caring about the stares people were giving them. They took pictures of each other, talked to some strangers who asked if they were together, bought street foods, and when their feet started to ache, they sat on a bench and watched the sunset while in each other's arms.
"This feels so good,” Jungwon uttered, still watching the sunset that's starting to fade.
"It is, but it's because i'm with you," Jay said back with the utmost sincerity. Jungwon knows how much Jay values him, and so does he. They value each other so much, which makes their bond stronger.
"I will never forget about this day," Jungwon said more.
"I love you. I won't promise a thing because promises are meant to be broken," Jay was about to contradict, but Jungwon beat him to it, "but I'll make sure that I'll be with you until my last breath.”
Jay almost teared up when he heard that. They were always verbal about their love for each other, but there's something about this moment that makes it even more special. Maybe it's the sunset or the cool breeze of autumn air, or maybe it's just Jungwon.
Who knows? Definitely not Jay.
"I love you more," Jay whispered. He knows Jungwon heard him because the younger one tightened his hug and snuggled closer.
"The sunset was beautiful; We should do this more often," Jay agrees. They really should.
The sky is starting to darken, but they decided to stay. Both wanted to cherish the moment more.
It was exactly 7:25 p.m. when they decided to get up and find a place to eat dinner. They drove around once again and stopped at a fast food chain they saw, filling their stomachs to the brim. They were so full, so they took a walk again, this time in a popular hangout spot where people jog and take walks.
It was lovely.
Jungwon rested his head on Jay's shoulder and held onto his boyfriend's arms as if Jay would leave anytime soon, which is kind of impossible because Jay would never leave him.
Even though he feels a bit uncomfortable, Jay lets his boyfriend do what he wants. They didn't know, but everyone who passes by them is smiling as soon as they see the couple, clearly seeing the love they have and secretly envying them, which is understandable.
It is hard to find love that's so genuine and so pure. It's not something everyone can have, even if they want to. It takes time, risks, patience, and everything in between. But most importantly, you have to find someone who's willing to give it to you and willing to grow with you. Being the people that we are, we find it hard to give everything we have to a person who has the power to break us. But love transcends those, only if you allow it to.
They rested under a tree. The city lights and the stars complement each other. It was such a beautiful day , Jay thought. He almost hopes that it won't end, but he stops himself because he wants to spend more days with Jungwon and wants to do many things with him. So he just closed his eyes and sighed as love, adoration, contentment, safety, and comfort filled him.
When he opened his eyes, the white ceiling in a dark-lit room welcomed him. An immense pain shot through his heart, so much so that it made him sit up from lying down and clench his chest as if it would lessen the pain.
It's so much— too much .
Jay almost thinks he can't bear the pain he's feeling. It blocked his breathing; he almost wanted to punch his chest because of the pain he was feeling. Then, a form of man flashes in his mind. His face is blurry, but the aura he's radiating is something so familiar to Jay.
It makes his heart ache even more.
Then, another image flashed in his mind: a boy who's in his arms. He's so comfortable, as if it's something they do all the time. Jay's heart ached more. He can't bear it anymore.
Despite struggling, he finds his phone and calls Heeseung, his best friend. Jay's just mumbling incoherent things. Heeseung didn't understand a thing of what Jay said, but he heard the pain and desperation in his friend's voice, so he quickly drove to Jay's apartment.
Jay's still clenching his chest. The pain is running through his body, and slowly, woe, desperation, and longing are filling his body. He's confused, so confused . He doesn't know why he's feeling that way.
He wants to see the guy in his dreams, but the memory is starting to fade from his mind. Albeit in pain, Jay pushed himself to write down his dreams. He took the journal that's sitting on his desk along with his pen and started writing everything.
It's all over the place, only writing down a few details he can remember—the morning he woke up with that boy in his arms, their laughs, the boy's smile, their hands that were wrapped around each other's, the sunset, and the city lights.
As soon as he wrote down the part where he closed his eyes, the memory of that dream vanished as if it never happened. Somehow, it faded; even if he tried to remember a single thing, he tried to keep every piece of information, but he just couldn't .
The only thing that makes Jay know it's real is the pain and sorrow he's feeling in his heart. He didn't realize that he was crying; he only felt it when he tasted the salty substance when he caught his breath. And when he was just about to break down, Heeseung came.
"Jay? Jay!" Heeseung shouted, panicking, when he saw his best friend unconscious in his bed.
Heeseung took a deep breath before fishing his phone from his pocket and calling 911. He couldn't help but cry. This is the first time he has seen Jay in this state. He is confused, but he sets it aside. His best friend needs him the most right now; he should think about him first.
Heeseung held Jay in his arms and tried to wake the latter, but he did not succeed. And a few minutes later, the loud siren of the ambulance perked his ears.
Everything moves so fast that Heeseung can't keep up anymore. All he knows is that the rescuers put Jay in a bed, and then they went inside the ambulance, and now he's outside of Jay's hospital room. When he finally collected his senses, Heeseung called their friends, Jake and Sunghoon.
Jay woke up to the noises coming from both sides. He recognizes those voices; it's his friends' voices—Heeseung, Jake, and Sunghoon. Slowly, he opens his eyes. The blinding light from the ceiling made his eyes hurt, so he glanced away quickly.
"Why are you guys so noisy?" Jay complained. The three men looked at him abruptly with a shocked expression. It made Jay confused and clueless.
"Stop looking at me like I woke up from the dead," Jay jokes. No one laughed, which made Jay wary.
"Do you remember anything that happened?" It was Jake who first talked. Jay shook his head as an answer.
The three men looked at each other, signalling to each other through their eyes. None of them knew what to say—if they should just tell everything or if they should let Jay remember anything.
Heeseung was about to talk, but the doctor walked inside along with a nurse. They checked Jay's vitals and said that Jay's body is doing well, unlike in the past few days. When the doctor and the nurse left, Heeseung grabbed the opportunity to talk.
"Tell me everything you remember." It's not a request, but a statement. Jay noticed the seriousness in Heeseung's voice, so he just did what his friend told him to do.
"I remember coming home from work. I took a shower and ate dinner; after that, I checked my emails and then slept," Jay said. Heeseung, Jake, and Sunghoon glanced away from him, as if they were about to cry. It made Jay so confused, so he asked Heeseung to tell him what he knew.
"You called me in the middle of the night, crying, and then you said incoherent words. When I asked you what's happening, the call ended. I got worried, so I tried my best to go to your unit as far as I could, but when I entered your bedroom, you're unconscious. And that's how you got here." Heeseung said, pain is heard in his tone.
"You've been here for 3 days now, Jay," Sunghoon said, breaking their silence. Jay looked at him, shocked.
Their eyes shifted to Heeseung, who moved from his position to grab something from his bag. It's Jay's journal; he found it when the rescuers were transferring Jay to the bed they're carrying. He thought Jay would need it, so he carries it whenever he's visiting Jay.
Jay took it from Heeseung and opened it. After flipping through a few pages, he saw a note. The penmanship is messy, as if it was written in a hurry, but he can tell that it's his.
He read the note.
Unconsciously, tears started falling from Jay's eyes, and his heart started to ache again, but it's bearable. The three got alarmed, but Jay assured them that he's alright. He continued reading it, going back and forth to make sure he read the words right.
The three men stood quiet, hearts aching, while watching their friend in this state. They don't know what's completely happening, but the way Jay cries is already an answer.
After that incident, Jay watched the sunset every day. And whenever he has time, he will go to a popular park and just stay there until midnight. He kept reading the note whenever he felt lonely. Somehow, it kept him from going insane.
Months had passed, and he never dreamt of that dream again, no matter how hard he forced his mind. He's not the religious type of person, but he prayed and wished to God to let him dream of him again, just so he could see his face and to make himself believe that he was real.
Oh, how he wishes he was.
Jay wants to find him in this world, but what can he do? He doesn't know a thing about him , not even his face. The only thing he knew was his laugh and his presence.
He's not even sure if he's real.
Sitting on the bench, Jay closed his eyes for a moment. It's nearly 9 p.m., but he's still at the park, hoping his dream might come true and that he will find him here.
His train of thought stopped when he heard a laugh.
A laugh that sounded so familiar that he thought it was him . It was so short yet so clear, as if he were close. Jay opened his eyes quickly and searched his surroundings. And when he found nothing, he laughed at himself.
My mind is just playing me , he thought, and he stood up.
Maybe it's time to go home , he said to himself, tucking his two hands in his pocket.
He was about to walk away when he heard that laugh again. This time, much longer, much audible. He whipped his head to his right, and that's where he found three people sitting a few meters away from him. His eyes caught the laughing boy between the two other men, looking so beautiful and familiar that he thought it was him .
A phone notification caught his attention. It's Heeseung, reminding him about the party he and Jake will host later. He smiled when he saw the message before replying. His friends never failed to make him feel like he wasn't alone.
Before leaving, he glanced to his right once again, but they were gone. So, he just shrugged and headed to his car. He still has a party to attend, and friends need to meet after all.