Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

He stared down at the bathtub for a while, perhaps longer than he should, longer than his brain was telling him to. He stared, he was naked, towel folded neatly on top of the toilet, the razor sitting idly on one of the supports next to the tub, waiting, almost begging to be pulled apart. It was one of those fancy ones, the ones you could buy the refill instead of buying a whole new one, so easy to pull the blade out when it got old and rusty. He used them almost every day to get rid of the beard that grew, he did not like having it, and Patty liked his face smooth to kiss and press against.

She should have been one of the reasons that he stepped back from the tub and thought again over his next steps, but she wasn’t. He wouldn't lie to himself, maybe to her if he ended up surviving after all, but not to himself, because Patty didn't show up in his mind for even a fraction of a second while he stared at the transparent waters that filled in the tub. Transparent that would soon look pinkish if he went on with what he wanted to do, what he felt was the correct course of action.

He leaned over, leg raising from where it stood firmly against the cold floor, ready to move over the edge of the tub and inside, into the waters he wouldn't return from. But a noise caught his attention, maybe Patty downstairs laughing at the TV, or maybe a cat on the street or someone yelling nearby, something, something pulled his attention away from the water and the razor and made his face turn towards the mirror over the sink, his own eyes catching themselves in the reflective surface.

They looked wide, scared. His cheeks were pale and his chest rose and fell quickly, like he had just come back from a marathon. He knew that face, that expression, that fear, it was all too familiar to him in a way, like a memory pushing through the depths of his mind and rising in the surface, looking for air, trying to breathe. So many had come with the call, so many that brought him to where he was now, next to the filled bathtub at 7 pm, staring at his fancy razor blade and thinking about pulling it out, but many more came as he stared at himself in the mirror.

He remembered her, her voice, soft and gentle like the autumn breeze. What had she said, exactly? Something about... how he looked... how she had seen him...

"Just like now, but taller."

Just like now... but taller...

He really hadn't changed much, had he?

The more he stared, the more resemblance he had to his own younger self: the same brown, tired, old eyes; the same curly hair parted to the side, falling over his forehead; the same lanky figure, strong but hiding underneath the skin and slight fat, first baby fat and now old fat; that same scared, cowardly face.

Just like then but, taller.

She was right.

His eyebrows joined in the middle, right above his nose. Her... who? He couldn't remember her name, like he remembered Mike's now, and maybe Richie's and Eddie's. He remembered her silhouette, she was always closer to a boy than a girl, maybe because of age now that he thought about it, but she had that femininity that they didn't quite grasp back then, she was fierce and wild and she knew what she wanted, her eyes were always alert, she had saved them all using those piercing green eyes several times, and on top of them, the short bright red hair fell and trembled in the wind.

Bev... Bev... Beverly... Beverly was her name. Bev. Bev.

He stared at himself on the mirror again, like he had just been pulled back to reality. Bev. How... how would she look now? Would she have changed a lot? Or was she still like herself but taller? Did she get married, did she have kids? She always liked Bill, didn't she? They were always alone together, whispering secrets, and he remembered Ben too, his glances and sad expressions of someone who wished to be in Bill's position. He remembered Ben now, too, fat and smart as ever, how was he? Was he still fat? He remembered the club house, the small pond they made over summer... that summer... when they all gathered together and united against that... that thing...

IT.

Yeah.

That was how they called it.

He felt his legs trembling and moved away from the mirror, sitting down over the folded towel, placing his hands on his face and closing his eyes as hard as he could. IT. Fuck. He remembered, he remembered IT perfectly, like he was just seeing it before his eyes... the silver clothing and the smile that never ended and the teeth and the yellow eyes... he could hear it calling, almost like... like he was in Derry again.

He couldn't go back to Derry, he couldn't... but they made a promise.

He opened his eyes, looking down at his hand, staring at the scar that until the call a few minutes before didn't exist. Tears slid down his cheeks over his palm as he looked, but he didn't wipe them away, instead sliding his finger over the scar and shivering at the thought of going back.

Of going home.

He looked back at the bathtub, at the razor next to it, the water that calmly waved on the surface. He could do it, something told him that he should, in fact, do it. That he would never ever be able to put his feet back into Derry, that he would die if he did, and it would be slow and painful and awful. Yes, it was better to do it, to die at his home, warm and wrapped around a blanket of steam, and apologize for his friends for being such a coward.

It was better that way.

He found himself standing up, ready to walk towards the tub and sink his feet in, one after the other, sit down and let the water relax his muscles, long enough so he could safely remove the razor blade from the razor, clean it, and make nice slices down his arm, to allow the blood to flow out into the water, and making his soul leave his body right into hell, or wherever people went when they killed themselves.

Instead, he leaned over the tub, stuck his arm inside and pulled the plug, and watched as the water was suck into the drain, as fast as it would at any other house, but to him, it was slow, almost as if the water itself was holding on for him to change his mind. Something loud and awful yelled at him to, but he held firm, until the water was completely drained. Then, he grabbed the razor and threw it in the trash, grabbed the towel and made his way out of the bathroom and to the bedroom, where he would pack, change and leave.

He had made a promise.

"Stan? Stanley, what's that bag? Where-where are you going?" Patty asked as he made his way downstairs, her eyes wide and surprised, confused. He didn't want to look at her, after all if he did, this would be harder, and maybe the pull to the bathtub would be even harder. Instead he walked to the table and grabbed his phone and wallet, shoving them inside his pocket. "Stanley, talk to me! What's happening, who was in the phone?"

"An old friend" he said quietly, looking at himself in the mirror for a second. He looked so... old suddenly, with bags under his eyes, and his hair... was it going white? It couldn't be, but maybe... he could see a few hairs sticking out. "I have to go one a trip. You will have to cancel our vacation."

"But... Stanley, what's going on?" she asked, sounding scared, as if there was some crazy man in her house she had never seen before. He had to laugh to himself, he almost did, because indeed she had never seen him, she had never known him, not really. Mostly because even he didn't know himself until that phone call an hour before. "Stanley!"

"I made a promise, that's all I can say" he said, turning towards her finally and feeling that sudden need to run upstairs and grab the razor from the trash can. It would be so much easier if he did. He wouldn't have to see any of this. She looked at him, scared, frightened, and he understood it very well, because he felt the exact same way. "I have to leave Patty. I have to."

"Stanley, you never acted like this" she whispered, walking to him, arms raised as if she was showing him she wouldn't hurt him, like someone approaching a wounded animal. He felt like one, the scar on his palm was hurting as if it had just been made; he felt just as scared as the day they were all together back in the sewers. He remembered, he remembered everything so clearly now. Her hand finally reached him but like an animal, he flinched away, and she pulled back. "Stan..."

"I have to Patty and I can't tell you any more. It would put you in danger and that's... that's the last thing I want to do" he said, eyes shifting down, finding their way to the puzzle he had been working on for the past few days. The birds, they were almost done. Just a few pieces left. He had planned on finishing it that evening. He knew all their names, because of course he did, and started to slowly name them in his head, his heart pounding so hard in his chest he could barely hear his own thoughts. "I have to go."

"Does... does it have to be now? What promise did you make, Stanley where are you going? At least tell me that" she asked, desperate, and he looked up at her again to see her warm brown eyes filled with tears. She was pale, just like he was. Scared. He was scared. So fucking scared. "Please Stan, this isn't like you... we have been together ever since college... is it me, did I do something? Are you leaving me?"

Maybe he should have thought she would think that but for that moment, he didn't even stop to think about how she would feel. He put his bags down and wrapped her in a tight hug out of pure instinct, something he had learned to do whenever she was upset due to their long time knowing each other, and his lips found her head in a fond kiss, maybe to calm her, and it did, a little, he could feel it. Still, he couldn't stay. He had to go, before the tub and the razor started to come downstairs and grabbed him by the ankle.

He had to go.

"I would never leave you, Patty. And I love you, love you beyond everything" he whispered, looking over her head to the wall in front of him. "But I have to leave, and because I love you that I can't tell anything else. It would be dangerous and I would never want to put you in danger. So please, Patty, do what I say, stay home and stay safe and wait for me, okay? I... I'll be back."

It sounded like the worst lie he had ever told in his entire life. He had no idea if he would, in fact, be back.

"I love you" she whispered against his chest, and pulling away, the two of them looked at each other and she placed a gentle, soft kiss to his lips. She was still crying, tear tracks down her cheeks, and it reminded him of the water of the tub. He had to go.

He pulled away from her, grabbed his bags and looked back at her, giving her a nod, her eyes wide again in surprise.

"I must go" he said, making his way to the door. He would grab his car and drive to the airport, lock it up and take the plane closest to Derry, and then rent a car and drive the rest of the way there. He should arrive in the next night, or the morning after. Would be enough. He walked to the garage and opened the car, tossing his bags inside and closing the door, before looking at the door and seeing Patty staring at him, eyes wide, teary, one hand over her chest and the other over her mouth. She looked so small, so sad and vulnerable, like that young girl he had met in college who was so smart and intelligent but unsure of herself and insecure, and all he wanted to do was walk to her, wrap his arms around her and whisper that he wouldn't leave, he would never leave, and then maybe get into that tub and slice his wrists and get this over with.

But he couldn't... he couldn't do that to her. And he couldn't do that to them.

So with a final wave, he climbed in the car, opened the garage door and drove off into the night. And as the door closed behind him and he took the first exit towards the main street, he felt as if his biggest and worst nightmare had just started.

He was going home.

Chapter Text

How? How, had he made it so far?

The question didn't stop, not when he got into the plane, not when he got out of the plane a few hours later and rented the car, not when he took the turn into the highway and made his way towards Derry, not when he arrived at the town, not when he drove all the way to the Chinese restaurant Mike had told him about in the call. It didn't stop, even after he parked the car and got out, feeling that summer breeze hitting him and bringing back so many memories he had to lean against the door, shaking and holding onto the handle to stand his ground. He had a feeling that question would haunt him for the entirety of the time he was in Derry, and he wouldn't be able to answer it, not until he was either out of the town again or six feet under the ground.

It didn't matter the how, what mattered was that he made it, he was there, in Derry, again.

Stan took a deep breath, centering himself and giving a quick look around. Nothing stood out to him all that much, there were some fancy cars parked around, the restaurant seemed to be filled to the brim with people, but besides that he saw no indication that any of the others had come. A cold feeling climbed his spine and he took a deep breath to calm himself down: if he was there, they had to be too.

With that thought in mind, he made his way towards the entrance of the restaurant, giving the receptionist a small and nervous smile, saying his name and asking for Mike Hanlon's reservation. She took a quick glance to her list and gave him a nod, smiling a bit.

"Come with me, the others are already there waiting for you, mister Uris."

Oh...

Oh, thank God.

Those words alone were enough to make most of his nerves go down, and he gave her a nod, hands stuck firm and down into his pockets, not because he did that usually, but because his hands were so sweaty and he was so nervous he didn't want to have them dangling next to himself. No, they were all there, waiting for him: Mike, Bev, Ben, Richie, Eddie, Bill... they had come, and he was the last one to arrive...

The last, yes, but he came. He came for fuck's sake.

How did they look like? What did they do? His mind was rushing with questions, his fears suddenly seeming to blend into the background as the joy of seeing his friends settled into his heart once more, in a familiar but alien way all the same. The walk to the table where they were waiting wasn't long, he knew that, but he was so lost in thought trying to imagine how his friends looked like, how they had grown up, how they were like, that it seemed to take forever to come. And when they turned to the corner, the lady showing him a reserved spot with a round table and six people sitting down, eating and laughing and having fun, he felt like the whole world had stopped and all the bad things in life had vanished.

There was no more hate or crime or anger or sadness or even Pennywise in his mind. It was... pure, unimaginable peace.

The woman left, but he was barely aware of it. His eyes rested on each one of their faces as he remained still and away from the group, almost feeling like he didn't belong in that table filled with so much happiness and history, even if his heart seemed to grow and ache, not fitting in his chest, squishing all his organs around. It was how he imagined seeing heaven, if that even existed. And they were blissfully unaware of him, and he was thankful for that moment, to be able to take them in before they did, to be able to contemplate...

His friends.

His best, best friends.

They looked so... different, and so the same...

Beverly, oh she was beautiful, like he always imagined she would be; her smile was wide and bright, her hair always burning like the fire of a thousand suns, enough to blind anyone who would look directly at it without warning; her eyes shone in the dark restaurant and even though they were surrounded by lines of age and stress, she seemed happy, truly happy, like she had been that summer with them, finally feeling like she belonged.

Mike, oh Mike, he looked tired, exhausted – grey hairs making themselves known in the dark curls, wrinkles all over his forehead, bags under his eyes, he looked so old... and yet so alive, like the others were giving him strength, strength Stan could imagine losing if he too had stayed back in Derry, alone. He looked like he was carrying the world on his shoulders... and maybe, no, surely, he was.

Ben looked great, more than great, amazing! He was tall, strong, thin, handsome, and he looked happy and young, he looked like the youngest of the group, always leaning towards the table, laughing with the others but always respectful and shy, with his cheeks almost constantly pink, and seeming like he was having the most fun in ages, and perhaps he was – he has always been a quiet and lonely kid, even if he didn't admit it.

Eddie, well, he looked the same, hyper, with energy flowing out of him like water flows down a river after a rain, his eyes wide and lurking and constantly teasing Richie, or being teased by him, with a grin that showed his dimples and frowns so deep his face almost contorted into an old man's, he was thin and tiny and cute cute cute, wasn't it? Yes, always, looking vulnerable and scared but always, always brave enough to save everyone and do what others couldn't.

Richie, of course, the class clown, or in this case, the table clown, was loud and big and pulled all the attention to himself; his voice was large enough to fill the room, and laughs followed him whenever his lips opened up – at some point, it would have driven Stan insane, but right now it felt more like home than anything; he looked older, sure, but it seemed like his spirit – and his glasses – had pretty much remained the same, with no filter, no backtracking, no apologies, just shitty jokes and grins and laughs.

And then... there was Bill.

Bill.

Their eyes met, somehow, when Stanley finally looked at him. He didn't want to, he felt ashamed, ashamed of thinking what he thought, back home, by the tub and the razor and the easy way out. He didn't want to look at him because perhaps, very likely, Bill would see in him, in his eyes, his fear, his truth, his absolute cowardice, even if he had come, even if he was there, because Bill was...

Well Bill was their leader.

Bill was the guy that made the calls, the one that knew what to do, the one that didn't give up.

Bill was Big Bill, and he was Big Bill for a reason.

And when their eyes met and he stared back at Stan and the world (that was already frozen) seemed to shrink down and down and down until there were only the two of them.

Stan and Bill.

Bill and Stan.

Blue and brown.

Brave and coward.

Hope and fear.

He saw Bill's mouth moving in slow motion, mouthing something, but he couldn't really focus on it, he was so out of it, his heart was pounding and his vision was turning turvy by the tears that began to accumulate above his waterline, his ears ringing with the sound of his heartbeat, his whole body tensing up as a sob came up, happy, sad, defeated and victorious, all at the same time, like he had just won a fierce battle and that arrived at the end, scarred and hurt but alive.

"STAN!"

He more felt than heard it, and Bill was pushing away from the table and running around it and grinning so wide it must hurt and opening his arms so wide he could split apart, and Stan didn't know what else to do except sob and step closer and wrap his arms too around his friend, his best friend, pressing his face against his shoulder and holding him so tight they felt like one.

And then more and more arms started to wrap around him, holding and hugging and squishing and he burst out in laugher and sobs, curling up against them all, in the circle formed by his greatest friends, all of them hugging him so tight he could die at that very moment and die happy.

Oh so happy.

He had never felt so happy in his entire life. 

And when his sobs died and his laugher ceased and he looked up, finally able to look at them in the eyes, he met Mike's tired but relieved expression and heard those words that always made him the happiest person alive.

"Stan, the man... you came."

He did.

He came home.

Stan took his place in between Eddie and Richie just after he had calmed down and stopped crying like a baby. They returned to their spots on the table, the food already started by his friends but he didn't mind, serving himself some and smiling as they all returned to their talk, now focused on him, how he was doing, if he was married, what he worked with, all adult stuff like that.

"Well I'm married, no kids, I work as an accountant for a big company, live in Atlanta... all that good stuff" he said, chuckling as his friends all nodded and some, of course, seemed more interested in making fun of him than hearing about him.

"Accountant, of course, of course, what else to expect" Richie said and Stan raised a playful eyebrow at him while the others either laughed – Bev, Bill, Mike – abstained – Ben – or judged – Eddie, of course.

"What are you implying dude? You're such a racist piece of shit" Eddie snapped, the table breaking out with 'oooooh's and 'aaaaaah's to Richie shook his head and raised his hands in defense.

"It's not about racism Eds, it's about religion."

"It doesn’t make it better, asshole!"

"Okay, okay guys calm down" Ben chuckled, he seemed to be settling the arguments well that night from the little Stan had seen. "So accountant, married... what's she like, your wife? Bill, Eddie and Bev are all married but they don't seem to want to talk about them, so..."

"Oh, look who's pushing now" Richie teased, smirking at Ben that simply turned red and stuttered 'no's and 'but's that didn't help with Richie's constant teasing, smirking even wider now that he had gotten a reaction. "Yeah why don't you three talk about your love lives hm? So Bill, did you finally found someone that gets wet whenever you st-st-st-stutter?"

"You're such an asshole holy shit" Eddie whispered as Mike held back a snort and Bill rolled his eyes and shook his head, staring at Richie with an annoyed but not at all mad look on his face. Instead he ignored the joke and looked back at Stan, tilting his head.

"Te-tell us about her, i-i-i-i-if you'd like."

The attention was back on him and Stanley brought a piece of carrot from the yakisoba to his lips, taking it down and chewing on it slowly, tapping the chopsticks gently against his lips until he swallowed it down.

"Well... her name is Patricia, we met in college... and we are doing very well" he said, looking down at his food for a moment, suddenly missing her. He remembered the look on her face, how scared she was, how confused, and he sighed, playing with the food on his plate. "She's... well, the love of my life. And... she had just checked a trip for Buenos Aires for us this summer when Mike called."

They all went silent for a moment, and Stan looked back up at them, at Mike specifically, giving him a small smile to show he wasn’t upset. Well, he was, but not at Mike specifically. He understood what he did, what he had to do.

"So, you found someone good for you" Bev whispered, and his eyes shifted to her, her sad smile and even sadder eyes. "I'm so happy for you Stan. She must be... amazing. I wish I could meet her."

"She is, and she would have loved to meet you all too" he agreed, getting another bite and sighing softly through his nose. The mood had turned dark suddenly, and something told him that he had to... say something. "So Mike... did you start organizing?"

They all looked at Mike, and he looked back at Stan, nervous, shaking his head slowly.

"No, not yet... We haven't really... discussed it."

"Discussed what?" Eddie asked, always curious, leaning closer to the table to look between them. Stan frowned, confused, looking at Eddie and then at Ben, Bill, Bev, Richie...

They didn't remember.

They didn't remember.

"I... Mike... you didn't... they don't...." he turned to the rest of the group, head shifting around quickly to look at all of them. "You don't remember?"

"Remember what?" Bill asked, quietly, as if he was thinking, and Stan felt like his whole body was about to burn in flames, and freeze immediately after. That was why they came. They didn't remember! Bill turned to Mike with that same question in his eyes, and Mike seemed to turn nervous, looking away from them. "Mike? We don't... remember everything, do we? You know something we don't..."

"Something Stan knows, apparently" Richie slid in, eyebrows furrowed.

"What don't we re-re-re-remember, Mike?" Bill whispered, and Mike looked up again, looking at Stan, eyes frightened, but firm, sure of what he had to do.

"Pennywise" Stan said, before Mike could, and all the others pushed back against their chairs, gasping or groaning or being silent, nervous and suddenly frightened.

"The fucking clown" Eddie whispered, seeming to gasp for air and look for something in his pocket. Stan looked at him for a moment and then back at Bill, who seemed to be putting together a puzzle in his head.

"You s-s-s-said you wanted our help with something Mike, wha-wha-what was it?"

"There is an echo, in Derry" Mike said, turning serious, and the others all moved uncomfortably on their chairs, Richie sliding his hands over his hair, pushing it back, Beverly immediately reaching for the cigarettes in her pocket, Ben rubbing his hands against his tights. "It bounces back every twenty seven years... this town, it does something to you, and the further away you go, the haziest it all gets, the more you forget... but I... I never left."

"Mike..." Bill mumbled, and Mike reached for his bag, pulling out a notebook, opening it up, showing countless pages written down, marked, highlighted.

"It started again, it just begun, just like that summer" he said, despite the others groaning and mumbling uncomfortably. "In the beginning of the year, a guy, Adrien Mellon, slaughtered. A week ago, a little girl, missing. There-there are more, and there will be more, if we don't stop it!"

"Mike, what the fuck man?" Richie asked, leaning back against his chair, looking like he was about to throw up. Eddie was gasping next to Stan, holding his breath as if to calm himself down. Ben had his eye fixated on the papers by his side, Bill was looking down at the food, Bev's eyes were focused on the wall, fingers shaking around the cigarette.

Stan knew what they were feeling, he had felt the same back home, but now... now he just felt resigned.

They didn't have time to organize their thoughts, however. Suddenly, the plate in the middle of the table trembled, or rather, the table in front of them shook violently, making all the plates shake with it, and they shut up, pushing away from it and staring at the table shocked. It shook again, food flying everywhere, and all of them stood up from their chairs, staring down at it as it shook again, and again, and again, until it wouldn't stop, a black pitch like substance sliding down from the very middle of the table like a petroleum fountain, seeming to burn down the cloth and the wood, the food turning into the most crazy forms, the fortune cookies breaking apart like eggs, one getting wings, the other birthing a bird fetus, another a baby-fly creature, another yet a huge eye that focused its attention on Richie and Stan. The winged cookie started flying towards Eddie and Ben, the fish in the fish tank turned into heads of deceased children, and the losers started crying and screaming as the goo slid down the table, chaos forming in that little reserved area of the restaurant.

Mike seemed to lose it first, grabbing a chair and slamming it into the table, yelling "THIS AIN'T REAL" with all his might as he banged the chair against the table, hard enough to break although it wasn't breaking, the children in the fish tank singing a loud Chinese song that was tearing through their ears, all of them running away from their respective fortune cookie creatures, until the receptionist came over, and with a blink, everything was gone and they looked like absolute crazy people leaning away from a table that was perfectly normal.

"Can we get the check please?" Richie said, and they all slowly calmed down as the girl left to get them their check.

Making their way out of the restaurant, a little boy stopped Richie on the way, looking up at him with a weird smile, and they all tensed up.

"The fun is just beginning, right?"

Maybe Richie shouldn't have gone crazy on the kid like he did, but Stan wouldn't blame him, he too felt his stomach turn when he saw the boy coming close and saying that to him. Still, he raised his eyebrow when Richie mumbled he 'didn't write his own material', and chuckled when Eddie exclaimed that he 'fucking knew it!'.

And once outside, with the light night breeze and the night sky above them, they would be able to talk more calmly.

Chapter Text

The moment they stepped out in the parking lot, chaos began: Beverly lit up her cigarette and sat down on the ground, her hands shaking and her eyes teary; Ben rushed to her side, seemingly wanting to help or comfort her, even though his eyes remained mostly on Mike; Bill seemed to drift off to a side, looking out into nothingness with his hands stuck deep in his pockets; and the most problematic ones, for Stan's surprise, started to outright yell at Mike closer to the door.

"What the fuck Mike?! Dude this isn't funny, you should have told us!" Richie started, he seemed like he was the most scared, except for maybe Eddie, who's eyes were wide and hands shook where they were curled into fists next to his side.

"Not cool man, you should have warned us, you should have said something" Eddie agreed, the two of them agreeing side by side... that wasn't something Stan would ever get used to seeing. But at least things made sense now: he was here because he remembered, because he had been strong enough to get over the fear of ever seeing IT again. But the others? They didn't remember.

And now they were starting to.

"I-I was afraid you wouldn't come, come on guys please, we made a promise, remember? We made a promise, that if IT came back, we-we would come too! You remember, don't you?!" Mike asked, now his turn to look desperate, and he did, he looked ten times older and at the same time, like a kid that had just had the worst nightmare of their lives and was asking for their parents to hold them. "Please guys! Bev, Ben, Bill!"

"Who the fuck cares about a promise we made thirty years ago?! I only just remembered I lived here and I don't owe this town shit!" Richie yelled, his hands raising to the air as if he was defending himself from something, but Stan knew it was pointless, it was useless, because they couldn't defend themselves from something invisible, something that lurked in the shadows. "I'm going to grab my shit at the inn and get the fuck out of here!"

Richie turned towards his car, grabbing the keys from his pocket, unlocking it while Mike begged him to stay, and then turned to Eddie, who seemed less freaked out than Richie, but just as decided to leave.

"I'm sorry man, but I'm gonna pack my shit and I'm gonna drive to my home" Eddie said, gently patting Mike's shoulder. "Good luck man" he turned around, and Mike stepped towards him, arm raised but without touching him.

"Eddie, Eddie wait! Please just, just listen to me Eddie!" he cried out, he looked so fucking desperate. On the side, Beverly was gathering herself up and heading to her car, calling Ben over to her, and Mike turned to them next but it was useless. So he turned to him.

And Stan looked back, still, firm.

"Stan?" he asked, voice broken, eyes lost without hope, and the soft mumble of his voice made the others stop. Richie turned from where he was about to close the car door, Eddie stopped himself from entering his own car, Bev and Ben turned around to face him while leaning against a third vehicle, and Bill gave a small glance over his shoulder.

Stan knew what they were waiting for.

It was that same thing his bathtub and his razor were begging of him a few hours earlier.

To give up.

"I came here to stay, Mikey" he said, and the hope in the man's eyes shone a little brighter, just a flicker. "And I'm not leaving until we either defeat that thing... or I'm dead."

The parking lot went silent, heavily so, but Stan's eyes didn't leave Mike's because he knew if they did, it would show the doubt and weakness he still had inside him. It wasn't time to give Richie, Eddie, Ben or Bev the benefit of the doubt, they had to believe he had grown up and changed for better, and he would do exactly that.

But not even he was strong enough to hold all of their fears in place.

"Have fun dying, I'm leaving" Richie said, and Stan's eyes fell on him as he not only closed but slammed the car door, turning it on and driving off the parking lot without a second thought. Stan couldn't help but flinch a little, specially when Eddie shook his head and also climbed in his car, leaving the place. Beverly and Ben seemed to decide to stay a bit longer, but even she gave up, shaking her head.

"No, this is... this is too much. I'll go back to the inn... I can't do this" she whispered, sending Stan and Mike an apologetic glance before turning and heading to her car, climbing inside and leaving. Ben gave them a look that said he was sorry, but that he wouldn't leave just yet, and followed her back to his own car.

There was one more Loser left to convince.

"Bill... Bill man you have to listen to me" Mike begged, and Stan walked to them, to Mike specifically, holding his shoulder as Bill turned around. "Please... I knew you would come, you have to listen..."

"How did you remember?" Bill asked, but the question was sent to Stan like he knew it would be. And Stanley looked back at him, eyebrows furrowing and hand curling around Mike's shoulder.

"I don't think I ever forgot... not because I didn't want to or I didn't try... but I suppose it affected me the most" he said, quietly, his eyes never shifting away from Bill. "After the sewers, after IT almost swallowed me whole... I couldn't ever truly forget. And when Mike called, even the sensation of IT's teeth on my skin came back."

"And you... came a-anyway" Bill continued, and Stan chuckled softly, shaking his head more to himself than the other two.

"Believe me, I didn't want to" he whispered, looking at the ground as if he was seeing it right there, the bathtub, the razor, the easy way out. "I did everything I could not to come. But when the time came and I saw myself in the mirror, I knew... I knew I couldn't leave you all behind."

It was Mike's turn to hold him, hand squeezing Stan's arm, and their eyes met again and their mouths curled up in sad but real smiles. Stan could barely guess what Mike had suffered. It must have been painful.

"T-they all le-le-left... what's the use? We ca-ca-can't defeat IT alone" Bill replied, and they looked up at him, Stan furrowing his eyebrows.

"You will go with Mike, and he will show you all he has, see if he can convince you to stay. As for the others... leave them to me" Stan said, crossing his arms and looking back at the cars. "I know Ben is on our side, I could feel it, he wants to help, and Beverly was always the bravest of all of us... Richie and Eddie though... I can handle them."

"You always could" Mike said, and Stan looked at him surprised and his cheeks burned a little at his open and happy face. "You were the only one who could, weren't you, Stan?"

"Well... maybe" he chuckled, a little embarrassed and a little proud of himself. Eddie and Richie had always been difficult, it was nice that someone saw his efforts on keeping his friends out of danger. "Anyway, I can do it, so after you two are done... meet us in the inn. At least I will distract them long enough."

"Good l-l-luck Stan" Bill said, and Stan looked at him, giving him a nod and a smile.

"Good luck for you too, Big Bill."

By the time he arrived at the INN, Eddie and Richie were nowhere to be seen (probably upstairs packing and getting ready to leave) while Ben and Bev were by the bar, him whispering something to her as she purposely ignored him and served herself a big glass of whiskey, without writing it down or asking for anyone's consent, clearly not realizing that except for them, the INN was completely empty.

Something else Stan realized that the others seemed to be unaware of: how empty the town seemed.

He approached them both slowly, trying not to burst into their moment, while Ben kept talking to Beverly despite her not answering to any of his questions or words of comfort – she seemed lost in her own little world, not ready to come out just yet.

"Beverly please, you have to at least consider it... remember, remember what you said back when we left Neilbolt? That you wanted to run towards something, not away? Bev, Mike needs us, you have to stay... talk to me Bev, please, just talk to me, tell me what's wrong, tell me what you're thinking, just answer me!"

He seemed to be almost crying by the way his voice shook and broke every time he opened his mouth, but she was completely alienated, her fingers shaking as she held her cigarette, blowing smoke in between sips. It wasn't until Stan came to her line of vision that she stopped, looking at him as if she was staring right at a ghost.

"You weren't supposed to be here" she whispered, placing the glass of whiskey down before she shook so hard it fell, and Ben gave Stan a quick glance, seeming both relieved and surprised that he was there. His attention quickly returned to Bev, but her eyes stared deep into Stan's without flinching or even blinking, as if she was staring at his soul. "You... weren't supposed to be here."

Stan looked back at her, for a second feeling cold in his stomach as if something was very, very wrong, before returning to his previous mindset, ready to get all of them to stay and fight with him and Mike. He had to, for their sakes.

"Maybe I wasn't, but I'm here, and so are you" he said, but just like with Ben, she seemed unresponsive to his words. The hand holding the cigarette fell over the bar, shaking, and tears started to slide down her cheeks as she looked at him, or past him, eyes dazed out.

"No... you weren't supposed to be here Stan" she whispered, cryptic and shaken, blinking slowly, at each one a new tear escaping her eyes and going down her cheeks. "I saw you... I saw you..."

"Guys, I've packed my shit and I'm ready to get the fuck out of here" Richie intrude, coming down the stairs with his small bag, looking between the three of them for a moment. "Glad you decided to listen to reason Stan. EDUARDO LET'S GO!" he yelled, turning back to the stairs and then back to them, eyes stopping on Beverly and her pale and crying face. "What is happening here?"

"You weren’t supposed to be here Stan" she continued with her mantra, without seemingly noticing Richie, eyes now almost completely dazed. "You were supposed to be dead... weren't you?"

Stan felt his stomach turn and his heart squeeze inside his chest with fear, images of the tub and the razor and what could have been flashing through his mind, and he closed his eyes for a second, trying to center himself. It was a mistake, even more flashes appearing, of the transparent water turning pink, the razor blade slicing easily through his flesh, thick blood sliding down his arms and the message, on the wall, written with his own fingers, with his own blood...

IT

Shit.

"Stan!" he heard someone call and suddenly arms were holding onto him, keeping him up. His legs felt like gelatin and his body seemed to lose all strength to hold him upright, he was dizzy and when he opened his eyes everything seemed foggy and distant, but the arms around him and the blue eyes staring at him seemed to ground him a little bit. He held onto the arms holding him weakly, head moving up to find Richie's huge glasses and concerned eyes looking at him, and he was slowly guided to the couch nearby, sat down and held in place as if even sitting down he could still fall.

"Stan, Stanley, are you okay? Dude?" Richie asked, holding his face, tapping his cheek a bit, and slowly the world seemed to come back to normal and Stan nodded, holding onto his knee to let him know he was better. His eyes also met Ben's worried face, giving him a small nod t calm him down, and before he knew, Richie was already activating his angry and protective mode. "Beverly what the hell was that?!"

"Calm down Richie, she didn't mean it" Ben was quick to reply, but Beverly was coming running and kneeling in front of Stanley, next to Ben, her eyes wide and bright and filled with tears.

"Stan, Stan I'm sorry I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to, oh my god" she sobbed out loud, laying her head against his knee and crying, and he pulled her arms and lifted her gently until he was holding her close against his chest, her sobs turning louder before they slowed and calmed down, hands gripping onto his shirt. "I didn't mean to I'm sorry..."

"I know Bev I know" he whispered, looking up when he heard the sound of someone coming downstairs in a rush, finding Eddie precariously pulling two bags almost his size down the small and old stairs, his eyes wide and worried.

"I heard screams, what's happening?" he asked, concerned, finding the group all gathered together on the couch, making him drop his bags down on the stairs and rush to their sides. "Bev? Stan? What is happening?"

"Bev is being a little crazy, that's what's happening" Richie replied a bit too harshly, receiving an angry glance from Ben, but Stanley pulled her closer and shook his head, looking up at Eddie to explain it.

"She said I shouldn't be here. That I should be dead" he said, and even when Eddie's eyes widened and Richie let out an angry huff, he didn't stop. "And she is right."

They all looked at him, even Beverly, frightened and with wide eyes, and he looked back at them, eyebrows furrowed and hands firm around her.

"What do you mean Stan?" Ben whispered, and he looked up at the ceiling for a moment, unable to face his friends as he spoke about this.

It would show them how coward he was.

But also how brave he had been, and maybe, maybe give them enough courage to stay.

"I wasn't going to come" he started, closing his eyes, those same flashes returning but not as intense as before, more like an afterthought, a memory that never happened. "Instead, after Mike called, I told my wife I was going to take a bath... and while I filled in the tub... I planned to kill myself."

'And I almost did' he completed internally, opening his eyes, looking at the ceiling and feeling that same emotion, that same sensation, almost like the tub and the razor were calling his name all the way from Atlanta, and he could hear them as loud as if they were screaming right next to his ears.

'It would have been so much easier...'

'But it wouldn't have been fair.'

No. It wouldn't have been fair at all.

'This is how my life ends' he thought, staring at Bill as he went one by one with the broken coca cola glass in hands, sharp edge pointing to each of their right palms, slicing one after the other. 'With a broken piece of a coca cola bottle slicing through my skin, bonding this awful moment into eternity.'

How had he agreed to this?

After that summer, that horrible, terrible summer, all he wanted to do was to forget. He had his face wrapped with bandages to hide the teeth marks he had gotten from being bitten by that monster, he was still considering going to a psychiatrist hidden from his parents to maybe get this sorted out in his mind, and here he was, willingly giving out his hand and making that stupid promise.

'The monster is dead, its fucking dead, it has to be' he thought as Bill slid the glass against his palm, a thick pool of blood forming against his pale skin, the pain and burning sensation making him hiss and his face contort in pain. It almost hurt more than the bite, if he was being honest, because the bite could be avoided. This? It would haunt him forever.

All of the others did it willingly, too. None of them felt like they were being pressured into it. They gave their hands out, Beverly didn't even flinch, and then held each other's hands like some form of pact, like some form of connection, one Stan didn't want to be a part of.

When they were finished, Stan moved his hand to the side where Mike was, and they held hands, Mike being always careful and gentle because he knew how it hurt, and most importantly, he had always been the sweetest out of the seven of them. He even gave Stan a small side smile, and Stan gave him a nod as Bill talked about how they should never break this promise.

This Blood Oath.

He wanted to break it the moment he accepted it, but he knew it was futile.

It was for their own sake.

And if this would be the way he died... so be it.

 "It was like I knew it was over before it began. That I would never be strong enough to fight my fears and come out winning. But then..." he stopped, looking down at Beverly, wiping the tears away from her face and smiling softly at her. "Then I was standing by my tub, razor in hand, and something called me, like a guardian angel. When I turned, I was face to face with my mirror, with myself, and a flash of you that afternoon came into my mind. 'Just like now, but older' was what you said about me, when I asked how I looked in the future. And I had to wonder, how did you look like? How did Richie, Mike, Bill, Eddie, Ben, looked like? What would you do, how would you feel, if you had found out I had killed myself just the night you gathered up back in Derry. And I knew I couldn't let you all down. I couldn't allow myself to lose to fear, even if that fear was worst than anything I had ever felt in my entire life. No, I had to be strong, and I was. I drained the tub, threw the razor away, and left as fast as I could here. And I'm not leaving until I'm done, because I know... I know if I go home, the only thing waiting for me there will be that tub and that razor. There is no other alternative. I have to either get this done or die here."

"That's all of our alternatives" Beverly whispered, wiping her own tears and holding Stan's hands gently on her own. "I saw it Stan... I saw you dead... in the tub... and I saw all of us in the same place, the same way... We all end up like that..."

"Are you kidding me?" Richie spoke out, his voice breaking in so many ways he almost sounded like his 14 year old self again. "So, so you saw all of us die? Like what, like a dream? Dude that's bullshit man, that's not happening, I'm going to die if I stay here!"

"I'm pretty sure our chances of dying if we stay are larger than if we leave" Eddie agreed, but Stanley shook his head. Before he could say anything, however, they heard the sound of someone else entering the INN, and they turned to see Mike and Bill making their way inside.

"No they are not" Bill said, not stuttering for a single second as he made his way towards his friends. "Mike showed me, we know how we can kill it, once and for all. But we need all of us to stay here."

"Dude, how, how would she know? How do we believe in that?! That's just, that's just likely to be a dream man, like a nightmare or something, it isn't real it can't be fucking real!" Richie cried out, standing up, clearly defensive again, but Bill shook his head.

"She was c-c-caught in the dead li-lights that day, remember?" he asked, and they all seemed to remember something else they hadn't before. Bev even gasped, holding tighter onto Stanley. "She s-s-saw things we could ne-nev-never imagine..."

"I did" she whispered, looking up at Richie, at Eddie (who was now up and next to Richie), to Ben and Bill and Mike and last but not least, Stan. "I saw all of us die in that same way... in the tub..."

"Fuck, okay, let's entertain the idea that maybe, maybe she did see us die and that's right. So what? This thing comes back every twenty seven years right? We just get it when it gets back next time!" Richie tried, but Eddie (now pacing side to side) shook his head.

"No man we are gonna be seventy, there's no way we are gonna be able to fight that thing."

"And none of us lives past twenty years from now" Beverly warned, Richie heading towards the bar almost immediately, grabbing the whiskey bottle Bev had opened and drinking from the bottle itself.

"That's why we have to stop it, we have to stop it now, this cycle" Mike said, showing them a vase-like thing that he brought with him, placing it on the bar. "We can end it with this, I know about it, I showed Bill, there's a tribe that lived here in Derry long before the English came, they know how to stop it with a ritual, I learned it-"

"A tribal ritual? What the fuck man" Richie whined, drinking another big gulp of the whiskey while the others all stared at Mike.

"It works, I know it works, and we can do it, but we have to stay together, it's the only way" he said, looking at all of them, hoping, begging, that they would stay. "Please... it's the only way..."

"Where... where do we start?" Ben asked, softly, after an awkward and heavy moment of silence, one where it seemed inevitable even for the two least willing to go (Richie and Eddie) to say no. And Mike, now apparently more relieved but also eager and anxious, grabbed the vase relic and nodded.

"The most important thing right now is to make all of us remember. We have to remember that summer, the time we spent together. And for that, I have to show you all something. But we have to go now, we don't have much time. The cycle, it's almost finished."

And they left, right down the main street, towards the Barrens.

Chapter Text

The walk was surely longer than they were used to, maybe because when they were kids there wasn't an imminent threat after them at every corner. They were also somehow extremely energized, despite all of them already being awake for 24 hours straight, even more for some. By the time they had crossed the river and were deep into the Barrens' forest, the sun was already rising in the horizon, and none of them seemed to realize they simply hadn't slept.

But even if they had, the moment their feet touched the grounds near the Club House, they would have forgotten any tiredness and discomfort.

"The club house" Ben whispered, as if the first to remember, and all of them looked around with that same pleasant surprise, trying to locate the hatch on the ground that would give them access to their childhood hideout. Even Richie, who had been angry and closed off all the time during the walk allowed himself to smile, and Stan was thankful for it, because as much as he hated Richie's jokes, seeing him so serious never meant anything good.

"It should be around here somewhere, right?" Richie asked, looking around with the others, Mike giving all of them a small smile and a nod. Ben was the one that walked forward first, the others following, with Bev suddenly tripping on a branch and almost falling down.

Stan heard her gasp and turned to look, meeting the unexpected but not unwelcomed sight of Bill holding her by the waist, keeping her up, the two of them staring at each other and seemingly having a moment just for them. Stan would have remained looking if it didn't feel so personal, so he turned again, heading forward into the clearing and pushing old leaves around with his foot to see if he could find the hatch.

"I'm pretty sure... the opening should be... here somewhere..." Ben muttered, jumping at an specific point on the ground, up and down until suddenly, the floor gave out and he disappeared into it, the other six staring down at the hole without reaction, eyes wide in surprise. A small moment later, and a voice came from down the hatch. "I found it! I'm okay! Come on down!"

They looked at each other for a moment and nodded, Bev being the first to put her foot down on the makeshift stairs that somehow still held, going step by step down into their club house.

It was like rewatching the same scene from an old movie you loved as a kid.

Beverly went down first, following Ben's reassurance that it was safe. She seemed hesitant at first but after the first steps, she hopped down, disappearing into the darkness. Richie was next, practically jumping into the hole with no fear, followed by Bill and then Eddie, who was like Beverly a little more cautious. Then down came Mike, giving Stan a smile and a wave.

"Come on, I'm sure it's safe" he said, while the others talked down into the hole. Stan swallowed thickly but nodded, making his way down slowly, looking around and feeling a sort of cozy sensation the moment he went under, ignoring Richie's jokes and Eddie's absolute madness over the safety precautions of the place. He made his way around the pillar, mistakenly standing in front of Eddie, who found a paddleball on the ground and started to beat it in front of Stan's face, the little red ball flying close to his face and then going back and then to his face again, quicker and quicker.

"Would you stop?" he asked, annoyed and a bit scared, covering his face with his hands as Eddie grinned madly and did it even faster, fast enough to get the rope to break and the ball to fall down on the floor again.

"You broke it!"

"What do you mean I broke it?"

"You broke it with your face!"

Stan remembered how wild Eddie was whenever he was away from his mother and his medicine and his fear. The kid was a menace, and when Eddie (now an adult and looking somewhat more calm and contained than what he was as a child) leaned down and pulled the small red ball from the middle of the dirty floor, Stanley couldn't help but smile, or rather smirk at him, specially when he turned and showed him the ball.

"Don't you dare throw that at my face Eddie" he said, an easy smile on his face, and Eddie chuckled to himself, throwing it up in the air and catching it again, shaking his head almost in disbelief.

"I was so annoying" he mumbled, but then that same malice sparkled in his eyes and a second later, Stan watched as the ball flew in the air and hit him right on the forehead, making his eyes close instinctively and his body curl up at the soft impact. Eddie burst out in laugher and he felt mad for a moment before starting to laugh again.

The others weren't paying attention to them, focused on their own memories, but Stan gave Eddie a complicit smile, and Eddie responded with a nod and a shrug, turning back to look at the other objects around the room.

Stan did the same, not taking long to find a metal can with his own handwriting around it, saying 'For Use of Losers Only – Stan'. He blinked slowly, for a moment not quite remembering what that meant, reaching out to open the can despite of suddenly feeling extremely unwilling to open it, but before he could he heard something coming from a dark corner of the room.

"Hey Losers" he heard, and he wasn't the only one, all of the others turning away from their objects towards a corner that was absolute pitch black, large enough for a person to be standing without being seen. "Time to float" the voice continued, and Mike already reached for a baseball bat nearby, the others all falling and leaning back while Stan stood up and also pressed himself against the nearby wall, eyes widening, that voice, it was so familiar... was it...

And from the shadows, fucking Richie Tozier appeared while laughing, and Stanley swore that if Pennywise didn't kill him, he would.

"Fuck Rich" Bill mumbled shakily as they all relaxed again, Eddie looking absolutely furious and perplexed as he stared at him.

"Dude!"

"Remember he used to say that? And he did that little dance?" Richie asked, singing a little 'doodly do' song and moving his legs and arms around like a clown, and before anyone else could complain, Stan grabbed the can on his hand and tossed it into Richie, getting him in the head and making him cry out, covering his forehead. "What the fuck?!"

"What the fuck you man what the hell!" Stan cried out, grabbing something else near him (what was it, another toy? A rock? A bunch of spiders? Honestly he didn't care at the moment) and tossing it on Richie again, making him curl up and cover himself with his arms. "Don't you ever do that shit again!"

"Okay fine! Fine! Stop tossing shit at me Urine!" he cried out, and while Stan was fuming in anger and fear, the others seemed to calm down and even start chuckling at Richie's expense, Stan only stopping when Bill walked to him and held his arms while snorting.

"It-it-it's okay Stan he wi-will stop" he said, and Richie nodded, running to the other side of the room towards Eddie and Bev while Stan sighed and sat down, shaking his head and letting the steam fly off into the air. He then remembered the can, the one he threw on Richie, and stood up to get it, finding it on the ground and opening it up.

He pulled out whatever was inside, staring wide eyed at the shower cap inside.

"The fuck is this?"

"It's so you don't get spiders stuck in your hair while you're down here."

"Stanley we're not afraid of fucking spiders" Richie said, shoving the shower cap down between his legs in the hammock while Stan walked away, sulking and sitting next to Ben on the bench by the wall. He saw through the corner of his eyes Bill, Bev, Mike and Eddie putting theirs on and felt victorious for a second. "I stand corrected."

"That's a first" Bev replied, and Richie gave her a nod.

"Touché."

After that, he turned his attention back to the small group forming by the door, vaguely listening to Eddie and Richie complain about the hammock rules and fighting for it (as they usually did), but not giving it much attention, preferring to talk to his other friends. By the time they started to actively fight, he looked over and rolled his eyes, already done with the two of them. They were always like this, he didn't understand why, but it was what it was. He decided to help Bill stick some posters and pictures on the walls while Beverly and Ben talked a few feet away and Mike watched the little show in the hammock, the seven of them (or at least five out of the seven) comfortable in their little club house, in that place they could call their own.

"When I graduate, I'm going to Florida" he heard suddenly, turning his head to see that now they were all talking, his attention turned to Mike who had said it.

"What's in Florida, Mike?" Ben asked, while Stan and Bill sat down with their attention now on their friends. Mike shrugged from the swing he was sitting on.

"I don't know... I-I guess it's just a place I always wanted to go" he answered, and Richie quickly entered the conversation.

"Stan, you should go with Mike to Florida" he said, and Stan looked at him, curious "You already act 80. You'll clean up with all the grandmas" he made kissing sounds, Eddie laughing in front of him, and Stanley's curiosity turned into annoyance in a split second.

But that annoyance didn't last long. With that idea (of going to Florida, of moving away from Derry, of graduating school and turning into an adult) an odd and uncomfortable feeling took over. The annoyance shifted into fear and fear into sadness, into dark and quiet realization, something he had never stopped to think about.

"D-do you guys... think we'll still be friends?" he asked, softly, his insecurities and fear and sadness coming through his voice like clean water. "When we're older?"

"What?" Ben asked, surprised and confused, even smiling because that idea seemed too stupid to him, apparently. Maybe it was, but Stan couldn't shake away the feeling that maybe... they wouldn't be. "Why wouldn't we?"

"Do any of your parents still hang out with their friends from middle school?" Stan continued, because he couldn't shake it off, that feeling that after this was over, after they left Derry... Would they even remember each other? "Things might eb different then... we all might be different."

"We'll always st-still be friends, I do-don't think that just... go-goes away because we get older" Bill said, in a soft and serious tone, almost like a lesson, an adult talking to a scared child, because that was how he felt, like a scared child, afraid of growing up, afraid of losing his friends to time and circumstance.

"Yeah Stan, come on" Bev said, a soft smile on her face, looking at him with gentleness and love in her eyes, a love innocent and pure, a look of friendship. "You don't have to be so..."

"Sad."

Stan looked up from the shower cap he was holding in his hand, staring at Beverly as she looked back at him, almost like she was looking through him again, like back in the INN. This time however, she smiled, and he gave her a small smile back.

"Turns out I was wrong" he said, placing the shower cap into the can again and closing it up. "Gladly wrong. We are still friends... even after everything."

"Mike, w-w-why did you bri-bring us here?" Bill asked, his voice soft and calm but serious, and they all turned to Mike who was the one standing closer to the exit, almost as if he was isolating himself, almost like he didn't belong. He looked at Bill, then at the others, and took a deep breath.

"The most important thing right now is that we have to remember" he said, arms crossed over his chest. "I brought you here so you could remember this part of your childhood, of our childhood. It is just the beginning of the journey, because it is important that we remember all of it. Even the parts we don't want to remember."

"We already remember the clown, what else would we have to remember?" Eddie asked, and Mike gave him a small nod as if to agree and also to continue.

"We were together for most part of that summer, that's right. But we fought, and that moment when we fought, we weren't together anymore" he said, and all of the others frowned, trying to remember.

"After the Neilbolt house..." Richie mumbled, giving a quick glance at Bill. Stan felt the memory coming back too, of the screams and the fear and Richie getting punched in the face by Bill for saying Georgie was dead. Yes, he remembered.

"Exactly. But what happened after?" Mike prompted, and Bill furrowed his eyebrows hard to see if he could remember at all. Stan couldn't, no matter how he tried.

"We c-c-can't remember, can we?" Bill whispered, and Mike shook his head.

"That is the last piece of the puzzle" he explained, taking something out of his pocket. A rock. "Remember this Bev?"

"The... rock I threw on Bowers..." she whispered, and Mike nodded slowly, turning it around, the drops of blood still dried up on it.

"This is my token. The moment I knew I could count on you and only you. The moment my fear, the fear of being an outsider all my life, was settled down by the group of friends we developed after. It was my breaking point, and this is what I need you all to find. I need you to find your tokens, something that represents or symbolizes your deepest fears. Something... that will allow you to become stronger when we fight IT."

"Okay... but your token wasn't acquired while you were alone" Richie replied, crossing his arms. "Why would we have to find ours alone?"

"Think of it as killing two rabbits with one shot" Mike explained. "You find your token and figure out what happened while you were alone after that fight. Then, after you are all done, you can meet me up in the library."

"Statistically speaking, I'm sure we have more chances of survival staying together as a group" Eddie burst in, but Mike shook his head.

"It would take too long. I know you all understand the importance of this step."

"We do" Ben and Bev said together, looking at each other surprised but also smiling a little. Bill gave Mike a nod, and Stan agreed with them as well, looking at Richie and Eddie, who seemed the ones least willing to go on their journey.

"Mine is at the Synagogue" he said, standing up and walking to the two of them. "You can accompany me there okay? Then we separate."

"How do you know where yours is? I have no idea what token I'm supposed to get" Richie said, a little stressed, and Bill showed up behind Stan, giving him a look.

"T-think about the things th-thaat make you feel most-most scared, and memories associated to it. I-I know where mine is to-too" he said, and Bev and Ben nodded on their side, seemingly knowing where theirs was as well.

"I think I have... a vague idea" Eddie mumbled, crossing his arms and looking down, but Richie still seemed lost.

"I don't!"

"Come with me" Stan said and gave his arm a light tap. "You'll figure out on the way."

And after a bit more of convincing, the seven of them were climbing out of the club house and making their way to the town, where they would each break apart and head over to their respective tokens.

And Mike would wait for them in the library.

Chapter Text

The walk towards the town was quiet and mostly filled with tension. Beverly was the first one to stay behind, heading towards her old house, followed by Ben who seemed to be heading to the school, and the Bill who moved down towards his own childhood home and the streets nearby. Stan continued to head towards the temple, and eventually Eddie signed to them saying he had to go to the center of town after his own token.

By the end, it was he and Richie alone, making their way to the synagogue alone.

"I didn't come here to often but I remember your bar mitzvah" Richie said, his hands pushed deep into his pocket, not looking as confidant and loud as he usually was. Stan looked at him, giving him a nod and a small smile.

"You were always the one that came whenever I had to do something" he said, bumping his shoulder gently against Richie's. "You like to pretend you are the annoying asshole but you care so much about us Rich. And we care about you too, you know?"

"Don't come at me with that sap, Uris" he huffed, shaking his head and looking away almost as if he was... ashamed? Stan frowned. "My mom always made me come, she thought it was a good lesson on how to be a better man. Of course it never fucking worked, do you remember how I clapped after your speech? My mom almost pulled my ear right off pulling me down to my seat."

"I remember" Stan nodded, giving Richie a small sweet smile even if he wasn't seeing it. "Seeing you there... it was what gave me courage to go against my father. I wouldn't have done it if I was alone."

Richie's shoulders tensed up and then relaxed, his face turning back so his eyes met Stanley's, a small smile curling up on his face. He bumped his shoulder against Stan's back, shaking his head and sighing.

"I think... I know where my token is" he whispered, suddenly sounding very serious and... very much like Richie. The real Richie. The one that hid under layers and layers of voices and bad jokes. Stan remained quiet, letting him say it at his own pace. "But I don't... want to go get it."

They remained quiet for a while, Stan thinking Richie would elaborate, but he didn't. They reached the temple in absolute silence and Stan stopped, looking at it for a moment, frowning when he saw something by the door. It was a sign, like one of those to warn the death of someone that was a part of the community. For a split second, he thought he had seen his own name there, but after another blink it was gone.

"I guess I should go in" Stan said, giving Richie a look and seeing how he seemed so... down. "Will you wait for me here?"

"I should go grab my token like Mike said" he said, shrugging. He didn't seem willing to go though, so Stan stood in front of him and held his shoulder, their eyes meeting again. Richie seemed to be hiding something, and Stan didn't know what it was, but he saw in his eyes that he was terrified... and extremely upset. Not at all like his Richie.

"Wait for me okay? We will do this together. I'm sure whatever tribal god Mike will make us pray to won't mind" he said, squeezing his shoulder and turning around to enter the temple.

Suddenly, staring at the big wooden walls and the empty hall, all the thoughts about Richie and his token disappeared, and only fear came in its place as he stepped inside, a shiver coming up his spine, the air around him getting cold, almost seeming like he had entered a freezer of some kind. The synagogue was completely empty, not a sound, not a person in sight, and Stanley felt his stomach turn and squeeze inside him, like he felt when he was a kid, like he felt when he had to enter the temple alone and had no one to tell him how stupid he was being for being so scared of a place where God was supposed to live.

God... right. There was no God in Derry. None except maybe that clown, if he could call that thing a god. A monster would be more appropriate.

Stan shook his head to push the fears away and made his way inside slowly, looking around, a little surprised at how nothing had changed from what he remembered: the benches still looked like the ones he used to sit down, the walls were still painted that same old cream color, and it still smelled like when the library stayed close for too long. He hated that smell. He sighed and made his way inside, looking around and heading to the back of the room to find the small door and headed inside the secluded area where only the rabbi and the other people that assisted in the celebration could be. He opened the door slowly, thinking that someone would be there, but once again it was absolutely empty, not a soul inside.

Maybe he would have been happier if there was someone in there to stop him, but no, there wasn't. His only comfort was that right outside, Richie was probably waiting for him. At least he would have someone to run to.

The thought made him chuckle and he shook his head for a moment, taking in a breath. Richie, his knight in shining armor. How ridiculous, Richie couldn't save himself if he tried. Still, he remembered looking up to him and Bill as the most likely to save him from trouble. He remembered back in the sewers how Richie had wrapped him in a hug after Pennywise tried to eat his face off. And how he had been the one to grab that baseball bat and beat the shit out of Pennywise so he would let Bill go.

Yeah... maybe Richie was his knight in shining armor in a way. Despite his way of making Stanley feel like shit sometimes (like he did with everyone, mostly Eddie), Richie was caring and nice and he protected the others in any way he could. He wasn't big, and although intelligent, wasn't very smart, but he had a heart of gold and he wasn't scared of getting hurt so someone else wouldn't.

What was Richie so afraid of, after all?

The thoughts of Richie and their friendship were once again pulled away from his mind when he heard something, eyes widening and body turning towards a hallway next to the door, one that was dark and apparently didn't have any windows. He didn't remember this hallway back when he was a kid, and he was sure he would remember if it existed because it was terrifying. He stepped away from it, heading to the better lit part of the room, looking around for the Torah to grab it and get the fuck out of there as soon as possible.

It should have been easy to find, they never hid the fucking Torah in a synagogue, but nope, it wasn't over the desks or the furniture, and every drawer he opened was either locked or filled with useless shit. No Torah in sight.

Why am I so sure the Torah is my token in the first place? He asked himself, annoyed, but the thought fled once more when he heard another noise. He turned back, it was still coming from the dark hallway next to the door. The door was still open. Good. He backed away slowly, turned towards the hallway just in case, until he hit the wall and stopped, looking back to it, hoping to see a door or another place where the Torah could be.

Instead, his eyes widened and his mouth opened and he screamed in fear as he backed away, so quick he lost balance and fell down on his ass, crawling away from the sight:

It was the fucking painting!

Holy shit!

He crawled all the way back until his body hit the edge of the table, a sharp pain going through his head as he hit the back of it against it, but the shock was enough to make him stop and look at the painting again, heart hammering against his chest as fast as a racing car, breath absolutely shallow as he tried to grasp his surroundings. Yes, the painting with the disfigured woman was still there, on the wall, but it wasn't moving or morphing into something else, it was just... there. Staring at him. Like a normal painting.

Nothing crazy about it.

Just a painting.

It took him a few seconds to get his breathing back to normal, standing up from his position on the ground and keeping his eyes fixed on the painting as if it would move at any second. Yes, it had been real back when he was a kid, and it was real now, but the painting was not moving and he would not have to face the woman again.

That was comforting at least.

Stan was about to resume his search for the Torah when he heard yet another noise, this one louder than before. He turned to the hallway, it was almost like a scream, and he winced as it sounded again, piercing through his ears. It was awful, a very high pitched scream, and he walked slowly towards the dark hallway, finally, finally remembering he had a phone. He reached in his pocket for it and turned on the flashlight, shining it on the hallway, expecting something to be there to attack him and bite his face off. Instead, it was a long hallway with a door at the end.

A door... with the initials A.U. and J.U., one on top of the other, one in blue and one in pink. He furrowed his eyebrows at that, finding it strange. He didn't remember anything with those initials in the Torah, or anything that would allude to a door inside a synagogue that would have to have initials on it in the first place. He gave a slow step towards the room, and then another, the hallway becoming more clear with the light of his flashlight upon it. The closer he came, the more the hallway seemed like an odd contrast to the temple itself: the walls, instead of painted cream and looking old, seemed to have some sort of wallpaper that seemed old, but familiar. When he looked at it closely, he remembered something that had happened almost an year ago: he had gone shopping with Patty for some new stuff for their house (a lamp, some new paintings, and the shelf she so desperately needed for her pictures) when they passed by the wallpaper section.

"Oh Stanley... this one would do great in the hallways upstairs don't you think?" he remembered her asking, and when he looked at the wallpaper in front of him again, they were the same – beige, with darker brown lines right in the middle.

"It would match the carpet" he had responded to her at the time, thinking about the carpet they were planning on buying for when the kids...

The kids.

His eyes widened and he looked back at the door. The door was exactly the same as the one back at his house, with the small crack on the upper left corner and everything, the door to the office. The office, which would eventually turn into...

"Jenny or Andy's room."

A.U.

J.U.

A shiver went up his spine and he pulled back, away from the door. No, this couldn't be, there was no way, he hadn't thought about that... in weeks and most importantly he hadn't thought about that since he had arrived in Derry. He hadn't even thought about Patricia for that whole day they were out with Mike.

Then how-

"DADDY!" someone yelled from beyond the door and it shook like someone was hitting on it, banging hard, with their foot or maybe their whole body. Stanley was frozen in place, eyes wide, hand shaking and making the light from the phone turn brighter and duller. "DADDY HELP!"

Was that a voice of a kid?

The door shook again with a loud sound and he winced, his rational mind screaming at him that he didn't have any kids, that this wasn't happening, that Jenny and Andy were dreams still on the making, but he couldn't really hear it over the constant banging, now louder and louder, the door cracking down as if it was about to break in pieces and reveal whatever monster was hiding behind it.

Eventually the banging stopped, and Stanley felt like he could breathe again, but not for too long. He noticed something moving on the floor and lowered the phone to light it, finding a pool of blood forming underneath the door, seeping to the room he was in, turning larger and larger, taking over the hallway inch by inch. To make matters worst, the door started to open, slowly, by the time the blood was almost reaching his feet. He lifted the flashlight towards the opening of the door, seeing everything black, until suddenly a blood hand gripped on the edge of it and made him jump back, shaking from head to toe.

The hand pulled the door open completely and he felt his stomach turning, a smell of rotten flesh taking over the room, the smell of blood mixing it to form an even worst scent, and in front of him, stood a decaying, putrid version of his wife Patricia, her face half eaten by maggots and other insects, blood sliding down her eyes, nose and mouth, her face distorted just like the woman's on the painting.

"Stanleyyyy" she croaked out, more blood coming out of her mouth, but the worst part wasn't that... no, she was completely deformed and being eaten alive, but her stomach, it was bloated and looking about to explode, like a balloon but colored like flesh, drops of blood sliding down from it as they fell from her face. He felt sick, and worst, terrified. "I'm giving birth, Stanleyyyy... Jenny and Andy, Stanleyyyyyy... they will float.... you will float.... we will aaaaaaall flooooooooat."

The moment he felt the blood touching his shoes and getting them wet and cold was the moment he snapped out of it and yelled, turning away and running towards the exit. The monster version of Patricia screamed even louder and started to run after him, the hallway that once seemed short now extending beyond reality, the walls turning red with blood and the door in the end (the one he had entered the room in the first place) seemed to be slowly closing. He could hear he monster behind him but didn't dare to look, running faster and faster still, as fast as his legs could manage, the door in the end coming closer and closer, almost enough to touch, almost enough to grab, almost enough to-

"Sir?"

He yelled and turned to the voice, seeing a small kid staring up at him, and with the speed he had been running he hit his whole body right on the cabinet next to the door, falling on the ground with a loud groan and holding his stomach, the cabinet trembling and some things from the top of it falling to the ground. When he opened his eyes again, the hallway he had just come from had turned into a small hallway filled with more cabinets to put things in, and the kid was still staring at him, eyes wide and scared.

He raised his hand at the kid, trying to find his voice again (it seemed to be gone somehow) while he stood up, leaning against a cabinet, eyes shifting to see a Kippah sticking behind the cabinet. He frowned, leaning down to grab it and taking it into his hands, seeing that it was one of his own that he wore sometimes, the one he had tossed towards that same cabinet twenty seven years ago after his bar mitzvah in anger.

"This is mine..." he whispered, to himself, but then remembered the boy was still there and turned to him, waving it. "This is my old... um... I'll go now. Good.. good work here" he said, and the boy stared at him like he was a monster while Stanley gathered himself and made his way out of the temple.

He was still breathing hard when he came outside, finding Richie leaning against a car in the parking lot, making his way to him and leaning against the same car right next to him.

"Dude... did something happen?" Richie asked, a little insecure, looking at how sweaty and trembling Stan was, but Stan shook his head and showed him the Kippah.

"I found my token. Let's go find yours" he said, tapping his shoulder and pushing Richie away from the car.

And Richie simply stared at him unsure before making his way to the center of the town.

Chapter Text

They walked for quite some time in silence, and Stan honestly thought more than once that Richie was just taking a stroll around town and hoping that Stan would give up on helping him find his token. Honestly after what happened in the temple (the images still flashing behind his eyelids every time he blinked), he could understand why Mike didn't specify more of what would happen if they got separated to look for their stuff. After all, Richie's first reaction (and Eddie's) back in the restaurant had been awful, if they knew they would be attacked whenever they went after their pieces of the puzzle, they wouldn't go at all.

It was why he avoided telling Richie what happened in the temple in the first place. Richie wasn't comfortable with this ordeal, it was clear he didn't want to be there, and thus Stan had to give him the best chance scenario. Maybe he was the unlucky one and all the others would be just fine. At least he hoped so.

However their walk was lasting a little bit too long and Stanley was beginning to get tired, hungry and annoyed, and he was about to complain to Richie about it when they suddenly stopped. He looked around, confused – they were in the middle of a busy part of the town, next to what seemed like an abandoned building. It took him a moment to remember what it was before it was abandoned, but when he did it was like a small light lit up in his head: the Arcade. Simply Richie Tozier's favorite place after the Club House.

Or even before the Club House, he wasn't sure.

The place was absolutely run down, it looked awful, with spider webs and broken windows and all the machines still inside, just turned off and compiling dust and germs. Stan winced a little at the place, the smell was horrible too, but Richie didn't seem to care, in fact he seemed in trance while looking at it.

"My token is there" he said, quietly, and Stan looked at him before placing a hand over his shoulder and giving it a squeeze.

"You can do it Richie. I'll be right here waiting" he whispered, and Richie nodded, taking a deep breath in and heading inside through a gap in between the broken glass door. Stan stayed behind (Mike had been clear about them finding their tokens alone) and waited silently while looking at his own token, shaking his head and brushing the dust off of it.

He had been so disrespectful... his father had yelled at him for hours after the ceremony. And all he could do was stare at him and sulk and wait until the lesson was finished so he could run off o the club house and cry by himself or to anyone that would be there at the time. He had hated his father that day, he remembered that clearly. He wasn't like him, he was a Loser.

And he would always fucking be.

A honk sounded somewhere nearby, pulling Stanley away from his thoughts and his attention away from his kippah, his head and body turning to look at whoever was honking around. He saw a few cars moving past a dog that seemed to have a broken leg, the drivers yelling for it to 'go to hell' or 'go back to the waste disposal' while the dog limped through the street towards the other side, only skin and bones. Stan furrowed his eyebrows, feeling horrible for the animal, and decided that the corner wasn't too far from the arcade so if he heard Richie coming out, he would come back and meet him. He made his way to the dog, crouching and offering his hand for it to smell, and it did, its tail wagging happily as it limped closer.

"Hey boy, good boy" he whispered, petting the dog and looking around the street. "I think I can find you some food but.. I don't know what I can do about that leg. I'll be right back hold on" he said, standing up and seeing a small convenience store that he entered right away. He didn't browse for long, just looked for some dog food and found some, buying it and returning to the dog outside. When he came back, however, the dog was gone, and he frowned before sighing and leaving the can open on a corner, hoping it would come back to eat.

He then returned to the front of the arcade, looking inside, expecting to see Richie looking around the machines. But after a quick look, he saw no one.

Stan's eyes widened but he remained calm, checking again. Nothing. He slowly stepped inside through the same broken door Richie had and looked around, called for Richie, checked under the machines and even through the back door. Nothing.

Where the fuck...

He returned outside as quickly as he could without getting hurt, looking around the street and not seeing Richie anywhere. He had been so quick in the store, he couldn't possibly had missed Richie leaving for that long. He saw a man standing outside a store, reading some newspaper, and ran to him.

"Hello sir" he said, the man looking at him from over his paper. "I was here with my friend and I think I lost him, he is tall, big shoulders, thick glasses, was wearing a green jacket with an orange shirt underneath..."

"He went to the park" the man replied, angrily, nodding towards the direction of Derry's biggest park. Stan knew the way. "Or to that general direction. Now lemme read son."

"Thank you" he mumbled, rushing towards the park as quickly as he could without running. He didn't want to seem desperate. Stan made his way through the streets, asking around for some people that seemed to be there for a while, and eventually the only place that Richie could have gone was the park itself, so he followed the trail there, hoping to find him by a bench maybe contemplating his own past or something like that.

Stan really hoped he hadn't just... sent his best friend into a trap.

When he reached the large green field in the middle of the park, however, he felt himself calming down. He saw Richie standing there, between the statue and the stage, some people moving around and behind him to put the things to the fair in place. But Richie wasn't looking at them, he was looking at the statue, and the more Stan walked closer, the more distant Richie seemed, as if he was seeing something Stanley couldn't.

Like that kid earlier in the temple.

Like the blood that Bev's father couldn't see or feel.

Stan was way too far to hear what Richie was saying, but his lips were moving and he looked a bit crazy. Then suddenly, he screamed and started running, all the people around turning to look at him, but Stan ignored them and ran too towards his friend, catching him somehow halfway through the field, stopping Richie's run and holding his arms.

"Richie, Richie calm down, what happened?" he asked in a rush, but Richie tried to move away from him, to run through him or maybe push him off.

"We have to run Stanley we have to run, the clown! The clown..." he looked behind him, and there was nothing there. He looked at the statue, at the stage, and his pushes stopped but he started trembling almost immediately after, looking around the park as if looking for a ghost. "Pennywise he..."

"He showed up to you" Stan whispered, and Richie turned to look at him again, swallowing thick and holding onto Stan's arms. "But he's gone. I'm here. Did you get your token?"

"I-I think I..." he mumbled, reaching for his pocket and showing it to Stanley, a token from the arcade. They stared at it for a moment before Richie shook his head and stuffed it back into his pocket. "I can't... I can't do this Stanley, I have to go, I have to leave... this, this is too much for me man..."

"Richie, what's going on?" Stan asked, shaking his shoulders a little, trying to look him in the eye, but Richie avoided it with everything he had. "Rich, this isn't you, you were the bravest out of all of us except maybe for Bill, but when he was in danger, you hit that fucking clown yourself. What's happening? What... what's wrong?"

"I'm not brave man, I'm everything but brave, I shouldn't be here" he said, he seemed about to cry, he was shaking and he couldn't look at Stanley in the eye. So Stan gently started to pull him towards a bench, sitting him down and taking the seat next to him, still holding his arms gently. "I can't do this Stanley..."

"Richie... what are you so afraid of?" he whispered, and finally, finally Richie's eyes moved from the ground to his, and in fact they were filled with tears and fear and sadness, in a way that Stan had never seen before except when he looked in the mirror. That wasn't their Richie. "What is making you feel so... terrified? Tell me."

"I don't have to tell you, I have my token, that's all that matters right?" Richie asked, shakily, and Stan furrowed his eyebrows as if he had been just asked a question in a very important quiz. And if that answer would change... everything.

"No... no, I don't think that matters at all actually" he said, and met Richie's eyes again with a new certainty. "I think these tokens only represent our biggest fear... but if we don't fight them... if we don't at least acknowledge them... Pennywise will still have a hold on us."

"But Mike said... we needed to grab our tokens... and that was it, he didn't say we had to go after fixing our lives or make a-make a whole discovery about ourselves during this" he said, his voice was still trembling, and Stan squeezed his arm. "Like what's-what's your fear Stan? What did you get, what does the kippah means to you?"

What did it mean?

"It represents my fear of not being good enough" he said, looking down at it for a moment, having taken it out of his pocket again. "It... shows me how despite growing up, getting a life, finding someone I love and being successful... I'm still scared of not being strong or brave enough. It demonstrates that I'm still stuck in that past of trying to be the perfect boy, the perfect son, the perfect friend, all in the name of fear, fear of being hurt, fear of being rejected, fear of being forgotten... that's what my life turns around of, fear. I'm always afraid, even when I don't seem to be. And I believe that it is that fear of... everything... of losing the people I love not to disease or time but because of something wrong with me... that I have to overcome."

"I hate you" Richie mumbled, and when their eyes met again, he was staring at Stanley with more gentle eyes and a small smile. "You're so grown up. It sucks."

"Thanks."

"You're welcome" he sighed, and looked down at his token, moving the coin around his finger and biting his lip. "I still don't think I can do this Stanley... when I stopped at the arcade I was hoping that my token would be something else... that my intuition was wrong, that I wouldn't remember anything... but I did. I was right. And I don't think this is a fear I can face."

"Of course you can" Stanley whispered, reaching over and covering the token with his own hand, holding Richie's in the process. "You don't have to face it alone. I know what Mike said but... you got your token by yourself. Now you can talk to me. We can face it together, and with the others too."

"Not the others" Richie whispered in a rush, and he sounded almost like he did twenty seven years ago, whenever he did something wrong that he knew would hurt one of the other losers and he came to Stanley for reassurance. It didn't happen often (once when he broke Mike's truck toy he had landed him, and another time he ended up smoking all Bev's cigarettes were two Stanley could remember), but the times it did happen, he always came to Stanley with that voice and those eyes that screamed 'help me' in a way that he wouldn't let anyone else (except for maybe Bill) see. So yes, Stan got the message: if Richie was telling anyone, it was him, and no one else could know.

"Okay" he whispered, holding Richie's hands tighter and frowning as he stared at him. "No others. Just you and me Rich. Tell me what's going on."

It took Richie a while to gather himself and get courage to speak, but Stanley knew they had that time, time enough to get everything in order and meet Mike back in the library later. They could do it, and they would do it. Richie just needed some time.

"Remember that day during summer, during our fight, when I showed up to your house covered in dirt and feeling like shit?" Richie asked, and Stanley gave him a nod, vaguely remembering the day in question. "Yeah... we played cards and played until I had forgotten what had happened... but I never told you what happened that afternoon..."

It took Richie a while to get completely comfortable telling the story, but eventually he did, in all its little details. He told Stan about the arcade, about Connor (Bowers' cousin), about Bowers, about the screaming and the running, and eventually about the statue that ran after him in the same park they were standing right now. The story itself was... quite tame to be honest. Stan remembered the stuff they talked about after they left the Neilbolt house 27 years ago, about the puking Eddie and the maggot covered Richie doll, and honestly he thought Richie had had it worst than being called a fag and ran after a giant statue.

But for some reason, the story stuck to Richie in a way that bothered him much more than being a supposed missing kid.

"Okay" Stan said softly, looking at Richie, seeing how his eyes simply did not leave the ground or his own hands, like he was ashamed of looking at him. "So... what then?"

"That was it" he mumbled, and Stan frowned lightly.

"That... was it?" he asked, unsure and in a little disbelief. "What about when I found you? Like a few hours ago here in the park, looking at the statue?"

"Pennywise was-wait" Richie looked up at him, eyes wide. "You didn't see it?!"

"No I... I didn't but I believed you were seeing Pennywise because you looked terrified" he said, tapping Richie's shoulder gently. "Don't worry, you're not crazy. It just makes us see things without showing others its normal."

"Yeah as normal as you can get with a killer clown monster thing" Richie chuckled and then shook his head, looking down at his hands again. "If you didn't see it... better. I wouldn't want you to."

"Was it a monster?"

"No" Richie shook his head. "Just good old Pennywise... doing good old Pennywise scares."

"Richie... okay" Stan sighed and clapped his hands to focus. "You told me the story, you saw Pennywise... but I don't get it. I don't understand, why is this your token? Why is this your fear?" he asked, leaning back against the bench, trying to make sense of it all. "Was it because it was someone new in town? Maybe because the arcade was full of other kids? Are you afraid of being laughed at, of being ridiculed? Because if so man you're in the wrong line of work..."

"It has nothing to do with any of that Stanley" Richie whispered, and he sounded... scared. Upset. Defeated. Stan looked at him, and waited. "It has to do with... with what I felt... with what I feel..."

"What did you feel? What do you feel, Richie?" Stan leaned closer again, reaching for his shoulder, squeezing it while Richie looked away from him, closing his eyes, making a face. "Come on Rich, whatever it is, you have to face it. That's how we will be able to defeat IT. You know that... we can't be holding on to those fears from the past, we can't, it will be too easy for IT to defeat us if we do..."

"Am I this good at hiding it?" Richie gasped suddenly, and then let out a soft and weak laugh that was sadder than any tears and sobs. Stanley even pulled away, feeling like Richie's words burnt into him. He always felt like he could understand his friends, but now? Richie felt like a mystery to him. "Fuck..."

"Yes. You are. Because I have no idea what you're going on about. But Richie for the love of all that is holy, end this fucking charade and just tell me what's going on" Stanley said, using his firm, adult voice, instead of the soft one he usually had. He was tired of these games, he wanted to help, but as usual Richie seemed completely against getting any help at all.

However his tone of voice seemed to work, and Richie tensed up, looking forward into the nothingness.

"Turns out, Stan, that Bowers was right. He was always right" he said, glazed eyes moving down to his hands, focusing on them where they joined on his lap. "I'm a fag Stan. A big... gross fag... like they always said... like they always fucking knew..."

Stanley's eyebrows joined up over his eyes in confusion, but were quick to move up his forehead in surprise as he saw the first sob shaking Richie's body. Shit, he was crying?! His arms spread almost instantly and he pulled Richie close to himself for a hug, a little awkward at how larger Richie was than him, but quickly finding a comforting position and letting Richie rest his head on his shoulder.

A fag?

Like... into men?

Like gay?

"Richie... are you coming out?" was all he could manage to say, and Richie pulled away from him instantly as if his words had burnt him. He winced and sniffled and looked away, seeming ready to leave, but Stan held his arm and pulled him back until they were facing each other again and he could look at those big teary eyes. "Richie, why didn't you say anything?"

"What the fuck Stanley, how was I supposed to say anything?!" he cried out, another sob coming out of him, looking like a scared kid out of a sudden. Made Stan's heart squeeze in his chest with pain and pity. "I was fourteen, in a group with one girl and five boys, in the middle of the AIDs pandemic, with a friend that was an absolute germ freak, how was I supposed to say anything?!"

He had a point.

But still.

"Richie, we were your friends!" he tried, but Richie didn't seem to want to hear it, shaking his head and pulling away from his hold.

"It didn't fucking matter if you were my friends or my worst enemies, no one wanted to be around a fag back then and no one does now! What... what are the others going to think if I tell them? What, what do you think?" he asked, shakily, wiping his tears but they kept on coming and coming. Stan felt lost. "Aren't you grossed out? Don't you fucking hate me?!"

"How the fuck am I supposed to hate you, Tozier? You're my best friend!"

Richie went quiet, soft hiccups being the only thing coming out of his mouth, eyes shifting from the grass to Stanley and back, arm constantly wiping off the tears. He was shaking and Stanley was shaking and even his own sight seemed to be getting blurry. Was he crying? Shit, he was...

Of course he was crying, one of his best friends thought he would hate him for something stupid like being gay!

"You... you fucking idiot, of course I don't hate you" he said, softer now, without screaming, and squeezed Richie's shoulder for reassurance. "Fuck Rich I could hate you for so many other reasons... like you being an absolute asshole and annoying the shit out of me every day and making me wanna slap your face at every comment you made about how scared I was of everything... but for liking guys? Why would I ever hate you for that?"

"Because... because... fuck" Richie groaned, wiping his tears again and taking his glasses off because by now they were gross and in the way. "I don't know man, I just... nobody liked gay people back then and I didn't even know... what if you guys wanted to not be my friends anymore? What if I just ended up alone..."

"God Rich" Stan sighed, pulling him for a hug and this time being hugged back. Richie was so big, he had grown up to be the size of a fucking wardrobe, but he felt tiny and weak on Stan's hold. "You're not alone. You were never alone. We are the losers, we love you no matter what... it doesn't matter if you like guys or girls or no one or everyone... we love you, Trash Mouth, no matter what you put in there."

"Dude..." Richie groaned and Stanley laughed, rubbing his hand through Richie's hair like he used to do with Stanley when they were younger, making it all messy. Richie pulled away, hair sticking out everywhere, eyes blood red from crying but seeming happier now, relieved, but still kind of secluded. "Stan... I don't know if I can tell the others..."

"None of us would judge you or hate you Richie" he said, before he frowned, a sudden realization coming to his head. "Wait, I remember I watched your shows every now and then through the TV... I don't remember you ever making a joke about guys. You seemed as straight as you get."

"Yeah..." Richie mumbled, shaking his head and leaning back against the bench. "Like I said back in the Chinese restaurant, I don’t write my own material, but even if I did... shit Stan, I didn't remember I liked guys until I stepped back on Derry."

"You spent 27 years without remembering you liked men?" Stan asked, confused and surprised, and he could see Richie's already pink cheeks turning a bit darker.

"I didn't, care you believe that?" he whispered, looking out into the park. "It wasn't until I stepped inside the restaurant and I saw him that I..." he stopped, eyes widening, and Stanley felt like Trash Mouth Tozier had let out more than he had planned. His cheeks went full red and the blush went down to his neck as well as his head turned towards Stanley looking terrified, and Stan couldn't help the curiosity in him.

"Who?" he asked, perhaps a bit more excited than he should have been considering Richie not only had just come out to him but also seemed pretty sensitive about the subject. He just couldn't help it. "Saw who?"

"No one" he said, groaning and shaking his head. "Fucking hell Tozier, shut your god damn big mouth!"

"No no no, you started it, you finish" Stan said, grinning now, he couldn't stop himself, he never had the upper hand with Richie and now he felt like a kid again, figuring out one of his friends' secrets. "Come on, from your story its clear you had a little crush on Connor, but who did you see in the restaurant that awoke your desire of the same sex?"

"By the fucking hell Uris, shut the fuck up!" Richie groaned, pushing him, but Stanley was now sure he had the upper hand. That never happened! Richie was always the one to make him go insane, it was revenge time!

"Who? Was it me? I know I grew up to my looks but you were already in the restaurant for a while before I arrived so it can't be me right?" he asked, and even if Richie stared at him like he could murder him, Stan still shrugged. "One can dream."

"You wanted it to be you?"

"I would be flattered."

"Oh shut the fuck up" Richie growled and pushed Stanley harder, making him hiss a little (it did sting) but he kept on grinning widely.

"Who? Tell me. Was it Ben? He sure is looking good, what did you say during dinner? All Brazilian soccer players combined in one?" he smirked, and Richie somehow blushed deeper, looking away. "It was Ben wasn't it? Or was it Mike? I mean besides the fact that he looks like he carries the weight of the world on his shoulders, he sure is looking quite fine."

"Stanley, I'm going to kill you."

"Maybe Bill? I am pretty sure I had a crush on Bill when I was young. I mean who didn't, he was our leader right?" he chuckled, thinking back to those days when he would look up to Bill for anything. "And he sure isn't looking too bad, his eyes remain the same... he just didn't grow up as much, if you catch my drift."

"Stanley, stop."

"Or Eddie?" Stan asked, and it was like a lightbulb had just lit up in his head. With his attention back on Richie, he saw how he looked further down, his shoulders tensed up and his hands squeezed his own arms where they were crossed. Suddenly the light funny mood at disappeared, and Stan felt like a heavy weight had been placed above them, ready to fall.

"It's funny, right?" Richie whispered, and Stanley stayed quiet, feeling like he had just trespassed an invisible limit. "He isn't the most good looking, the strongest, the leader... he's just... Eddie. Small, weak, looking ten times older than he should, still constantly freaking out about his allergies and how he can die at any minute... married... seemingly happy with his life... paranoid, sure, but... just plain, old, Eddie."

"Richie..." Stan whispered, and Richie was crying again, sniffling and wiping his eyes slowly this time, less desperately, resigned in a way.

"Yeah... turns out Richie Trash Mouth Tozier has a weak spot after all" he whispered, shaking his head and taking a deep, shaky breath. "Fuck Stan... what the hell do I do?"

"Since... since when do you know?" Stanley asked, leaning closer to Richie without actively touching him, letting their shoulders press together as they sat on the bench. Richie chuckled weakly, wiping his eyes again, looking out into the distance.

"I don't know... I think... after the Neilbolt house is a pretty good guess" he said, leaning back, looking at the sky. "Pennywise used him to lure me to the room where I could be alone... where IT could attack me... and then later after we came down and found Eddie being attacked I freaked out... everyone was there, Ben was attacked, Bill kept trying to calm us down, Beverly was tugging on my shirt so hard I was choking, but all I could think about was how I was not going to let that thing hurt Eddie. I was not going to leave him alone. I think after that, it just hit me, you know? Soon after came the Connor incident and I realized that it wasn't just Eddie, that what I felt for him wasn't just friendship because I wasn't friends with Connor and it still gave me that same shiver up my spine that I had every time Eddie touched me or hugged me... and it all fell into place" he sighed, closing his eyes and hugging himself tighter, and Stan felt bad, horrible, for Richie in that moment. "So much stuff happened after that, and eventually we all moved on, and I never got to say anything and I still wouldn't if it wasn't... you and this shit ass token hunting."

"And you would die with that secret and regret it forever" Stan said, and Richie turned to him, eyes tired and filled with tears. "I know you would, Rich. And now maybe... you won't regret it as much."

"I can't tell them Stan" he whispered, breathing shakily. "I can't have them hate me... or even... look at me different. I can't."

"Okay" Stan agreed, giving him slow nods and a gentle squeeze to his arm. "Maybe you can't and that's fine. But you have to accept it and make sure... that it doesn't make you vulnerable for Pennywise. IT knows all our secrets Richie, even the ones we don't tell to ourselves. We have to make sure we are prepared, and that we have nothing IT can use to hurt us."

Richie gave him a small nod of understanding, and Stan smiled, pulling him for yet another tight hug that was answered just as tightly. By the time they pulled back, away from each other, the sun was settling down in the horizon and somehow they had spent the entire afternoon talking and discussing Richie's fear despite already having their tokens. Now that they were ready, however, they stood up and made their way back towards the library together, and even though no one else would know, Richie seemed incredibly lighter.

And Stan gave him a small smile, because not only he was happy, but he was proud of Trash Mouth for being truthful to himself.

Chapter Text

By the time they arrived at the library, the sky was dark and the lights around the city were lit up. They looked around the parking lot, not seeing many cars, before remembering that all the losers had left for their tokens by foot and they were probably already inside at that time. They checked the front door, that seemed locked, but a push showed that it was in fact open despite the sign. They made their way in, turning on their phone's flashlights to see their way through, heading towards the back where a faint yellow light seemed to show the way towards Mike.

Making their way in, they arrived at a staircase, the light coming from upstairs, but before they put their foot on the first step, they heard a loud sound of something breaking and looked at each other in terror before rushing upstairs as quickly as they could.

Richie's longer legs allowed him to skip three steps at once, arriving up the stairs quicker, and Stan was soon to follow, the two of them running into the lit up room where they found a bunch of book shelves, a bunch of broken glass from what seemed to be a tank of some sort, many artifacts thrown around the glass, and most importantly, Mike with a man on top of him, pushing a knife down into his face.

That... wasn't good.

Stanley was freaking out internally while outside he was absolutely frozen, looking at that mess as he tried to make sense of it all, while Richie was somehow acting by instinct and stepped forward, grabbing what seemed to be a stone tomahawk from what was previously some form of exposition, making his way towards Mike and the man and slamming the cutting part of the weapon into the guy's head.

Stanley stared at that with his eyes almost bulging out of his head, the man freezing and falling off of Mike slowly, all strength of his body leaving him instantly, while Richie looked down at Mike, giving him a smile, his body moving up and down as he panted.

"Guess you can say that was long overdue... get it cause we're in a library" he said, Stanley too shocked to react to his awful, awful joke, before Richie leaned to the side and simply threw up all the food he had eaten that day into the ground, making Stanley wince while Mike rolled to the side, sitting up slowly.

Almost as if they had all agreed to it, the doors to the room opened once more and Stanley turned to see Bev, Ben and Eddie coming inside, his eyes stopping on the bandage on Eddie's cheeks, many questions in his mind. As they walked inside Beverly screamed, looking terrified at Bowers' corpse, while Ben held her arm and Eddie stood still a few steps away from them.

"Are you okay?" Ben asked softly, and Richie looked at him absolutely offended.

"Of course not, I fucking killed a guy!"

"I was talking to Mike..." Ben whispered as they all moved closer together, ignoring the corpse next to them as Ben looked for some aid kit. Mike seemed focused on the group, and just like Stan, he noticed someone was missing.

"Where's Bill?"

Beverly looked at Mike, shaking, while Ben returned with the aid kit and started to wrap Mike's arm with the bandages. Stan and Richie moved closer to Eddie, wanting to check on him while she explained.

"He, he came back to the inn but Pennywise showed him something... a skateboard with blood, I didn't understand at first, but Bill said it was the kid at the Chinese restaurant, that Pennywise was after him, that he lived in Bill's old house" she said, sitting down to catch herself, hugging her own arms. "He said the boy was going to the fair and left... I told him we would go together but he left alone, I don't know..."

"My fucking god" Richie groaned and shook his head while Mike frowned and grabbed his phone, dialing Bill up immediately as Ben finished up patching his arm. It took Bill a moment but eventually he answered, because Mike started talking.

"Bill, where are you?" he asked, and Stan couldn't listen to the other side of the phone. He wanted to ask Eddie what had happened but he couldn't, he had to know if Bill was okay first. "Bill, calm-calm down, okay? Come to the library, we can talk about the plan, we can... Bill.... Bill no, Bill wait-" he looked at the phone, the others all staring at him expectantly. "He's going to fight IT alone."

"Fucking..." Richie mumbled again, none of them liking this one bit, while Mike shook his head and grabbed the relic and putting it over the desk.

"He can't do it alone, it doesn't work without the group!" he exclaimed, and Stan frowned, looking to the others slowly and his eyes ending on Bev.

"If he wants to kill It alone..." he started, and she gave him a small nod, a terrified one, her eyes showing nothing but fear.

"There's only one place he would go."

"We are not gonna like this are we?" Eddie asked softly, and Stan looked over at him. He saw in Eddie exactly what he had seen in the mirror, not two days ago: that fear, that unwillingness to do what they had to. He understood, he really, really did.

"Let's go" Ben said, firmly, standing up and being followed by the others, Mike grabbing the relic and his car keys and heading downstairs with the other five right after. Stan remained in the back, making sure they were all together, he didn't want any of his friends to back out or be too scared to go on.

Now they had to save Bill, like he had saved them many times before.

The trip to Neilbolt house was both short and long, extremely fast and the most extensive journey he had ever faced. Somehow they had fit, the six of them, in Mike's old and tiny car, with Mike on the wheel, Richie in the passenger seat and the four of them squished in the back, Beverly on Ben's lap just so they could fit a little better, Eddie in the middle, Stan on the other door. Stan had the feeling that would be one of if not the last time they would be able to talk without screaming and crying for their lives, so he turned to Eddie, eyebrows furrowed together.

"What happened?" he asked, and Eddie looked at him, eyes still filled with fear. It was like he was acting on pure instinct.

"Bowers" he said, looking off into the distance again. Stan noticed Richie's head turned to look at Eddie in the back. "I was washing the vomit off my face and he showed up and stabbed me in the cheek. Then I took his knife out and stabbed him back but... didn't seem enough I guess."

"Vomit?" Stan asked, it was so much his brain could only focus on that part. Eddie nodded, looking at him again.

"I saw the leper when I was getting my token. It attacked me, as one does, but this time it was a little strange... like I defended myself" he said, and suddenly the fear in his eyes seemed to disappear, a new emotion showing through them. Pride? Courage? Stan didn't know, but he felt relieved to see Eddie feeling anything else other than fear. "My hands were around its throat... like I actually squeezed it... and it started to weaken... it was so odd. Then it vomited all over my face and poof, it disappeared into thin air."

"Eddie... are you saying you actually fought it back?" Stan asked softly, and Eddie looked at him, eyebrows furrowing a little.

"I guess I... I guess I did" he said, looking down again, but now looking like he was trying to understand it. "I don’t know how to explain it Stan, I acted on impulse to save my life of course, but when I did it started choking and I felt so... powerful. Like I could actually kill it right there. It's stupid but..."

"It's not" he whispered, noticing that all the others were paying attention now, even Mike. "It's not stupid Eddie, I think... I think that's exactly what was supposed to happen when Mike sent us off."

"What do you mean Stan?" Bev asked, looking at him, and he frowned while rubbing his hands together, he felt nervous and filled with energy.

"I mean... I mean what if the tokens don't actually mean anything?" he asked, and looked at Mike, who seemed both confused and uncertain even though his eyes remained on the road. "I mean what if they are just that, tokens? Representations of our biggest fears? Not actual memories but the things that we are scared of the most? The things we don't even tell ourselves about..."

"Pennywise feeds on our fear... IT knows everything, even things we don't want to know about ourselves..." Ben mumbled, and gave Stan a nod. "Maybe you're right."

"What did you see Stan?" Bev asked, and he frowned, looking out of the window for a second.

"I saw my wife... all disfigured like the woman from the painting I saw twenty-seven years ago. She was pregnant, we have been trying for so long and it never happened. She looked like a monster, blood everywhere, and she came out of a door with our babies' initials stuck to it... until that moment I never realized my true fear, the fear of not being good enough, for her, for you guys, for my parents and my family... I'm so scared of everything... but my biggest fear, I think, is being a disappointment. Is being weak."

They stayed in silence for a moment, before Stan heard someone cleaning their throat and turned to see Ben looking down, head resting gently against Beverly's back where she was sitting on his lap.

"My biggest fear is... is to be alone forever" he whispered, and Bev reached out to hold his hand. "All my life... before I met you all and after I left Derry, I've been alone... I never had friends, I never had people to talk to, I isolated myself and... and I hate it. I want to... to be loved for who I am and I want to have people in my life I can count on."

"My biggest fear came true" Beverly whispered right after, looking at Ben as his eyes met hers. "I married a man just like my father, who hurt me and beat me and abused me every day... I feared I would never be loved, truly loved, by anyone, and yet my fear came true and I found someone who did not love me, but who wanted to own me, like a thing... I hate myself for it... but in my search I found something that reminded me that someone, although I don't remember who, loved me for who I was. Someone actually loved me..."

"I think my fear lines up with Stan's" Eddie said, and then looked up at the others, smiling when Stanley wrapped his arm around his shoulders. "And ended up like Bev's. I was always scared of being sick, of getting hurt, but that wasn't my actual fear... my biggest fear was to give in to the madness in my mind, to hurt other people, to be a coward, to not live up to my potential and always be blocked off by my fears and my mother... turns out I married a woman just like her in every single way. I think they could be twin sisters actually, it's that creepy."

"Eds..." Bev whispered, pulling him into a hug, and he hugged her right back, both of them understand each other. Stan and Ben rubbed their arms and shoulders gently as they lingered on the hug, before they pulled away, the car getting silent again for a while.

"I was afraid to never fit in" Mike whispered. He spoke even softer than the others, and the fact that he remained looking at the street didn't help. They could barely hear him. "I was an outcast my whole life... I found a place within you but then I remained behind and turned into an outcast again... I can't bare it. All I ever wanted... was to have the six of you back. I was afraid... of being alone... and forgotten... like this town..."

"We forgot you once, but we will never forget you again Mike" Ben said, reaching out to squeeze his arm while the others agreed. Stan took the time to glance at Richie, who was still turned towards the backseat, but his eyes were now focused on the ground. It was almost as if he felt Stanley looking at him, their eyes meeting when he looked up. Stan knew that look, the look of absolute fear.

After they gave their support to Mike, Ben, Bev and Eddie turned to Richie, waiting for him to share his own fear.

"Why are you looking at me?"

"Rich" Stanley whispered, reaching out to hold his shoulder, and Bev gave him a smile, a soft one, and even giggled a little.

"Don't tell me we are a bunch of virgins for being afraid" she said, and he looked at her surprised, it didn't seem like he was expecting a joke but somehow it did make him calm down. He sighed, shaking his head, and closed his eyes.

"I'm... I can't tell you" he said softly, and although Stan was surprised he had actually alluded to something at all, he was disappointed. "I'm not ready."

"Richie, we are your best friends, and we just opened our hearts to one another. You don't have to be scared of telling us, even if that's your fear" Ben said, and the others nodded, each one reaching out to touch Richie except for Eddie, who just gave him a nod and a side smile. Stan sighed softly through his nose, hoping the others didn't notice.

"I know man but I can't" Richie said, shaking his head, just as Mike parked the car near the house and they all looked around, the streets dark and ominous around them.

"We are here" Mike said, turning the car off and leaving, and Richie climbed out as quickly as he could almost as if he was escaping the prison. Stan shook his head and followed him, the other three right behind, the six of them making their way towards the house where they could see Silver thrown close by. It was looking awful, all torn up and worst than what they remembered, but they moved forward until they were in front of it, Bill heading towards the door.

"Bill!" Bev called, and the man stopped, turning around and raising his hands.

"N-n-n-no! N-no you guys, no! I sta-start-tarted all this, it's m-my fault you're all he-here..." he said, he seemed more nervous than ever, his eyes were bloodshot red and his skin was glistening with sweat. He looked... awful. "This curse, this fucking thing that is in-inside you all! It started growing the day I m-m-m-m-made you go down to the Barrens because all I cared about was finding Ge-Ge-Ge-Georgie..." his eyes stared to tear up, and they all remained in place, gathered up in front of Bill, their leader, who seemed one step away from madness. "Now I'm gonna go... in there and I don't know... what's gonna happen but I can't ask you to do this!"

"We are not asking you either" Beverly said, sounding extremely firm and decided, reaching down on the ground and grabbing a part of the fence that had falling over the years. It looked like a spear... the perfect weapon.

"Bev..."

"We didn't do it alone then, Bill" Mike said, in a calm tone that didn't seem like him at all. "So we are not gonna do this alone now."

"Losers stick together" Ben added, and Bill looked like he was about to fall apart. Stan took a step towards him, raising his hand and showing the scar on his palm right in front of his best friend's eyes, giving him a small smile.

"We made a promise, remember? An oath? And-"

"An oath is an oath" Bill whispered, looking around the others. There was still a heavy air around, and Stan knew it. He stood to the side and waited, and suddenly Eddie was balancing on his feet, one at a time, nervous and unsure.

"So someone wanna... say something?" he asked, softly, and the silence fell over them again. Stan gave him a nod and stood in the middle of the group, face turned towards Bill.

"Bill... just, before we go in, I have to say something" he said, and Bill nodded, looking at him with wide eyes. "I figured that... our tokens... represent our biggest and most covered up fears. Because of that, while we were driving here, we had a little heart to heart on what scares us the most, and I think you should at least think about what your token means to you. Not in a memory sense, but... in what it truly represents. We can't go inside with any type of unresolved fear. It is essential we fight IT with all the strength we got."

"Okay" Bill said softly, and took out the paper boat from his pocket, looking down at it while he caressed the side "I think I already s-s-said it... my biggest fe-fear was always to lo-lo-lo-lose the people I love... Georgie went first but... I c-c-can't bear to think about losing a-a-a-a-any of you... my fear is that... it was my fault... that Geor-Georgie died because I was-was-wasn't there... and now I... I don't want to lose any of you..." he looked up, wiping his tears, and the others all gave him a nod, Stan moving closer and tapping his shoulder.

"You're not going to lose us big Bill."

"Are we s-s-set?" Bill asked, nervous again, but Stan's eyes moved towards Richie, followed by all the others. Bill did too without knowing why, and Richie looked at them, his previously calm eyes now panicking.

"Richie..." Bev said, softly, but the moment she stepped towards him he stepped away, shaking his head.

"No man, this is bullshit" he said, and they all frowned to him except Stanley, who just felt bad. "This isn't fair, I don't have to say shit!"

"You heard Stanley. We can't go inside with any unresolved fears" Ben tried, but Richie shook his head in denial and looked at Mike.

"That's not what Mike said, Mike said we needed tokens, I have my token, I'm set. I don't have to share shit with you guys!"

"Richie!" Beverly exclaimed, now sounding offended and upset, and he winced at the way she screamed his name. "What's wrong with you? We are your friends! We all shared what we are afraid of, we can't go inside like this! What are you so afraid of?!"

"Richie, you can trust us man, what's so bad about it that you can't say it?" Eddie asked, his voice so soft and calm that he didn't even sound like their Eddie. When his and Richie's eyes met, Stan saw the sparkle of hope being covered up by absolute terror in Richie's expression, and frowned to himself.

"Did you kill someone? Did you hurt anyone, Rich..." Ben tried next, they were all pressuring him, and Richie looked like a bomb about to blow up. He was stepping further and further away from the house at every word, hands pushed so deep into his pockets that his jacket was pulling on his shoulders, and he simply looked like a mouse surrounded by scary hungry cats.

"Guys enough" Stan yelled out, and they all stopped, backing up as if they didn't notice they had been cornering Richie up. Richie looked at him, thankful but still scared, and Stan walked to him, holding his arms firmly and giving him a nod. "We can't do this without you Rich. You can do this. No one is going to hate you."

"You don't know that" Richie whispered back, and the more Stan looked into his eyes the more he saw a scared little kid, stuck in a time where everyone that was different was hated and hurt upon uttering a single word. He was so trapped inside his own mind he couldn't even see that the world had changed, and that the Losers would never ever hate him.

"Yes, I do" he said firmly, and without thinking pulled him into a hug, a tight one, making Richie gasp. "I know that we will never hurt you or hate you Richie... we have to be strong and we all have to know ourselves before we go inside... we can't have any weakness that Pennywise can exploit... so please..." he pulled away, and gave him a smile and a nod. "Show us what you're made of Richie."

He stepped back, giving Richie space, and the world around them turned darker and darker. Richie looked between the six of them, eyes stopping for he longest time on Stan, before he bit his lip and closed his eyes and nodded.

"Fuck fine" he said, and they all waited, in silence, unconsciously reaching out for each other, holding each other's hands. "I'm scared... I'm scared of... I'm scared of being myself" he said, opening his eyes and looking at them, and confusion showed in their faces except for Stan's, who already knew.

"Why?" Beverly asked, and Richie turned to face her, biting his lip for a moment before he sighed.

"Because... because I like men Bev" he said, like pulling a band aid, and all the Losers froze while Stan felt his heart pounding inside his chest, warm with pride and love. "Because Bowers and his stupid friends were right, because I'm a fag! And I didn't remember that until I got my feet back in Derry and for the last day we've been here I've been trying to deal with it and I can't... I can't because I'm afraid you will hate me and be grossed out!" he continued, and despite the darkness, Stan could see the tears in his eyes just like that afternoon in the park. "Because I can't handle the fact that my friends, my best friends, could hate me and not want to be close to me because all these years people were right and I'm a cock sucking fag and-"

"Richie shut up" Beverly whispered, letting go from Eddie and Bill's hands and running to him, grabbing his jacket and staring at him in the eye. "You shut your fucking mouth Tozier... I'm not gonna let you talk like this about yourself" she whispered, tears sliding down her cheeks as she let go of his jacket and held his face, wiping the tears off his eyes. "You... are the sweetest, funniest, most annoying man in existence, and who you like, who you love, who you fancy, none of that fucking matters. You're our friend, our Trash Mouth, and that's never gonna change you hear me" she leaned up and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, pulling him into a hug, and he hugged her back surprised but also relieved, and Stan smiled, watching as he pushed his face into her hair.

"Bev..."

"She's right, Trash Mouth" Stan said, happily, and Richie looked up at him. He let go from Bill's and Mike's hands and walked to them, wrapping Bev and Richie in a hug and rubbing his back. "We could hate you, yes, but for many other reasons rather than this."

"Thanks..." Richie mumbled, and Stan saw as he gave the other four a glance, probably expecting their reaction to be bad. When Stan and Bev moved away, the next one to come was Be, sweet gentle Ben, pulling Richie into a hug so tight he eve gasped for air.

"We could never hate you man, I'm so happy you told us" he said, pulling away and smiling at Richie, bright and open. "You don't ever have to be scared of us okay? We are here for you."

"Yes we a-a-are" Bill agreed, coming after Ben and pulling Richie into a side hug instead of a full one, before ruffling his hair and making him groan. "We could ne-never hate you, Trash Mouth."

"I'm glad you told us Richie" Mike said, walking to them and giving him a tap on the shoulder and a small smile. Richie gave him a nod and then his eyes turned to the one person he really cared about, that Stan couldn't say anything to, waiting for his reaction. The losers all turned to Eddie as well, finding him looking at Richie with his eyes wide, looking extremely like a kid again.

Richie swallowed hard between the Losers, taking a shaky breath.

"Do you hate me Eds?" he asked quietly, and Eddie blinked, seemingly coming back to reality before he shook his head and walked to the group.

"No, no Richie of course not" he said, the others moving away so Eddie could get to him and pull him into a hug, one that Richie took a moment to respond to, and Stanley alone knew why. "Dude why would I hate you? I could never."

"I don't know man... after so many 'fucked your mom' jokes you might, I don't know, feel betrayed?" Richie asked, and even though Stan was sure it was supposed to sound like a joke, Richie's voice was so soft and calm that it almost sounded like a personal confession. Like with Bev, he wrapped his arms around Eddie and laid his head on his shoulder, but this time there was a longing in his eyes that made Stan's heart crack inside his chest.

He was also expecting Eddie to pull away and say one of his usual 'fuck you's to Richie, but instead he tightened his grip and sighed softly.

"Of course not. Fuck Rich, you've been hiding this from us for thirty years man... you could have told us sooner, since when do you know?"

"Since... since I was like twelve?" Richie asked, and finally they pulled away, the Losers all looking at Richie while Eddie kept his hands on the man's shoulders.

"Twenty nine years then" Bill said, and Eddie winced a little.

"You should have told us back then, Richie. You shouldn't have lived with that secret for so long, that hurts man."

"Honestly I forgot after I left Derry" he said, and they all frowned in surprise. "I actively forgot. I never had anything with a guy in all this time and I never wanted to."

"Dude... are you a virgin?" Eddie asked, a joke starting to form in his eyes, but Richie looked at him, deadpanned.

"Are you seriously asking me that?"

"Yes!"

"Of course not Edward" he said coldly and the others all burst into laughs, but it didn't last long. Suddenly a thunder crashed nearby and they moved closer, Beverly reaching out for the spear she had dropped during Richie's confession. The mood turned dark again and they looked at the house, the door opening on its own, almost like it was inviting them inside.

"Well... I think talk time is over" Ben mumbled, and they all nodded in agreement, turning to Mike and Bill who were looking at each other.

"Time to end this" Bill whispered, Mike nodding in response, before they walked towards the house and the others followed. Stan went after Ben, with Eddie and Richie behind him, the place looking far worst for wear than it used to.

It was time then.

Chapter Text

They made their way inside and indeed the place looked even worst than what they remembered. In the living room, they broke the line and slowly spread around, cobwebs, dirt, grime and dust all around the furniture, the floor, the stairs. As they walked, the sound of slime and the smell of burning flesh took over their senses and they looked at the stairs, that same black goo from the restaurant making its way down and burning everything on its path.

"I love what he has done with the place" Richie said, always trying to break the mood, but this time it didn't work, the sounds of cracking wood and the smell and the place itself making them sick.

"Beep beep Richie" Bev whispered, making their way forward. Stan followed Bill, the two of them heading into the kitchen area, looking for that room that took down to the basement where the well was located. They were followed by Eddie and Richie, the four of them getting inside the kitchen and looking around for clues just before they heard someone screaming and turned around. They heard Bev screaming for Ben but before they could make their way out, the door between the hallway and the kitchen closed. They ran to it, Richie standing behind frozen as Bill and Eddie banged against the wall calling for Ben, and Stan looked around for a new exit, not only worried about his friend but also about them.

They only stopped when the fridge nearby started shaking, the four of them stepping back and away from it. It shook again, and again, and again, as if something was trying to get out of it, and by instinct Stan and Eddie moved back while Richie and Bill stood in the front between them and the unseen monster, flashlights pointed to it directly.

With a final shake, the door to the minifridge opened, and a body was all twisted and curled up inside. Stan felt a sharp pain in his head, groaning and covering his forehead with his hand before feeling Eddie holding him, and looked at the fridge again, for a second seeing his own child body in there, his head torn off from the neck, eyes glazed white. When he looked again however, he saw the body curled up, but it wasn't his, it was someone else's, a kid's body he didn't know except from the pictures in the town from twenty seven years ago.

"Is that... Eddie Corcoran?" Richie asked, just before the boy's head fell off of his body, and they screamed, each moving to a corner of the room as the head rolled to the middle and stopped.

"Hello Losers" the head said, its voice contorted and creepy, making Stan's skin crawl. "You couldn't save me, you couldn't save Betty, or Patrick, or Veronica... and you can't save yourselves, you can't, you can't! You'll all float down here with us! You'll all FLOAT" he yelled, sharp teeth growing in his mouth, legs poking out of his skin, looking like a disgusting spider and jumping towards Richie. Richie yelled and moved away, shining the flashlight on it, making the spider change its target to Eddie, jumping and trying to bite him while he kicked it away with a scream and ran towards Stan as quickly as he could next to another corner. The spider attacked Bill next, running through the walls, sharp teeth spread ready to take a piece of his arm, but Bill groaned and slammed his fist into it, hitting the spider out of a window and watching it. Stan sighed in relief, holding Eddie tight, feeling him tremble, while Richie and Bill pulled away and Richie came towards them.

"Eddie, Stan, are you two okay?" he asked softly, raising his hand to touch them, while Bill looked around for the spider thing around the outside perimeter. Stan gave Richie a nod and when Eddie opened his mouth to say something, a drop of slime came down from the ceiling, dropping in front of them. The three of them looked up, only to find Corcoran grinning and drooling on top of them, and Richie hummed. "Oh there it is."

They didn't have time to do anything before the spider jumped down on Richie, making him yell and fall back on the ground, hands pushing the face away while Bill ran to him and straddled Richie, grabbing Corcoran by his hair and pulling it off as hard as he could. Eddie was frozen next to Stan and honestly so was he, the two of them watching as Richie yelled and screamed and Bill tried to pull the spider away without avail, its legs holding tight onto Richie.

"Get-get the knife! Eddie, get the knife! Stan!" he cried out suddenly and Stan turned to see a kitchen knife a few feet away from Bill, feeling like he simply couldn't make it. The flashes of his own body curled up inside the fridge, the bathtub, the pain, it all came back in a flash and he groaned, closing his eyes and feeling like Pennywise was screaming inside his head, yelling for him to 'GO HOME' and 'LEAVE WHILE YOU STILL CAN'.

"Eddie help me!" Stan yelled out over the voices and opened his eyes, pulling Eddie's hand and hoping that would be enough. Eddie moved with him, seeming heavy but not frozen anymore, and the two reached out for the knife, their hands holding it together as they turned and slammed it into the head of the spider. The monster started to let go, screeching loudly, and Stan and Eddie moved in union, raising their hands and stabbing it again, and again, and again, the blood flowing out of the wound up to the ceiling.

After four or five stabs they pulled away and Bill stood up with the head in his hands, just as Bev, Ben and Mike came inside the kitchen through the window. He threw it with a groan towards the door, now somehow open, and the spider whined and crawled away until reaching the hallway and disappearing into the shadows.

"We did it" Eddie whispered, letting go of the knife, and Stan looked at him before a burst of laugher came over him. He laughed and Eddie laughed and they were suddenly hugging each other. "We did it!"

"Fuck" Stan whispered and looked over at Richie, who was having his face cleaned up from monster drool by Bev. He gave them the thumbs up and groaned at the slime coming off of his face, while Bill looked out of the door, panting and gripping on the counter nearby.

"Where do we go from here?" Bill asked, turning to Mike, and he frowned and nodded towards another door in the kitchen, one that was slightly open.

"Down the well."

After cleaning Richie and pulling him up, they made their way to this new door, opening it and looking down. Bill went first, followed by Ben, who looked around the place and stopped for a second at the stairs, taking in the smell of rotten flesh.

"Many memories... all bad" he whispered, and Stan nodded, walking down with him and waiting until all the others were gathered around the well. He had awful memories about this, he remembered the woman, the bite, but even worst the immense fear, so big he couldn't move. He looked at the others, all of them seemingly feeling the same, except for Bill and Mike, both looking extremely sure of their next step.

"No one s-s-stays behind" Bill said, firmly, and started to climb down the well. The others hesitated but slowly followed, making their way down the rocks, slowly arriving at the first tunnel and hopping inside, somehow still fitting in. They crawled all the way to the larger tunnel ahead, popping out, turning towards where Mike told them to, where he showed them in the map, and they walked in silence except from some groans from Eddie and some 'grey water's from Richie. The walk wasn't too long to the main chamber, where they all stopped and looked inside, the pile of dirt still in the middle of the room but now without the circus cart, only the wooden platform.

"This is where it happened" Ben whispered and they nodded. That was where they had saved Bev, where they had found her and the other children floating, where they had fought IT until they couldn't anymore. Stan remembered it vividly, like it was just happening in front of him. The only difference is that now the room was filled with water up to their stomachs, when back then it was relatively dry.

They looked at each other and nodded, making their way inside. Mike went first, then Bill, then Eddie then Richie then Stan, Ben next and Bev last. Mike and Bill arrived first at the platform, hopping on it, followed by Eddie, then Stan, accepting the help Richie gave, before they heard Ben saying something and turned, seeing Beverly still in the middle of the way.

"I thought I had heard something" she said, just before a monster came out of the water and all of them screamed in terror. It grabbed Beverly by her head and turned to them, smiling creepily and laughing while they stared.

"Time to sink!" the monster laughed and pulled Beverly down, and shit wasn't this place foot deep?! Ben yelled for her and Bill jumped into the water immediately, followed by Mike, Ben and Richie, while Stan and Eddie stayed behind, staring at the water that slowly stopped moving, no sign of their friends anywhere.

"Guys? Guys?!" Eddie called, he seemed about to cry, but Stan held his hand and the two of them moved closer together, arms pressing between them. "Stan, I can't do this, I can't..."

"I'm here Eddie, we are together right?" Stan asked, squeezing his hand and looking at him, and Eddie's eyes seemed the same as his own, terrified and wanting to leave, but neither of them would give in to their fear. "We are together we are fine."

"We are fine" Eddie nodded, looking back at the water, holding his breath until suddenly someone broke through the surface and they gasped, seeing Beverly coming out with Ben behind her, Bill, Mike and Richie next. "Oh my fucking god! I feel like crying right now!"

"Shit..." Stan whispered, reaching out to pull Bev to the platform, while Richie looked up at them.

"Mike, where do we go from here?" he asked, and Mike frowned, pulling Richie and Bill through the water towards the wooden platform, the seven of them now coming up and heading to a small circle in the middle, looking awfully like it had some form of tribal drawings on it.

"In the depths is where IT crept, in the beneath to find belief" Mike said as they got around the hatch, all of them looking at him confused. "In the depths is where IT crept, in the beneath to find belief."

"Is he okay?" Ben whispered, looking at Richie, who kept staring at Mike without much of an expression on his face.

"I think at this point that's a relative question" he answered, and Stan could have sighed in annoyance if he wasn't so frightened.

"What's on the other side?" Beverly asked, she looked scared and cold, now without her coat and all wet, and Stan couldn't help but move closer to her, taking off his own jacket and putting it on her shoulders. She pulled it closer to herself without looking at him, eyes focused on Mike.

"I don't know. No one does" he replied, breathless, determined, before he looked down the hatch and reached out, all the others gasping and moving away as he opened it.

"Wow wow wow!" Bill gasped while moving backwards.

"Mike, Mike!" Richie exclaimed, also almost falling off the platform. Stan was just moving further away inch by inch, looking over at the open hatch, seeing just a hole that stretched down forever through the rocks. Mike looked inside with his flashlight, the others coming closer, the end of the tunnel absolute pitch black, and simply sat down and stuck his legs inside like a kid getting into a slide.

"Alright."

"Mike don't" Bill breathed out shakily, but it seemed like Mike was ready for it, simply pushing his hands into the ground to hop inside the hole.

"See you down there" Mike said before he jumped, the others all rushing closer to see him fall just a few feet down, hands and feet firmly pressed against the rocks. Stanley felt like he almost had a heart attack or he was about to have one, leaning back and covering his face up. Fuck Mike was insane. After he started climbing down, Bill crouched next to the hatch and looked up at them, eyes firm.

"Stay together" he whispered, and Ben nodded.

"Okay" he whispered and Bill climbed into the hole, following Mike. The other five looked at each other, Ben looking like he was ready to just pop inside and follow the other two. Stan was also trying to calm his nerves to get in when he heard someone move and looked to the side, seeing Eddie stepping back, shaking his head.

"Guys, I-I can't do it" he said, looking down to the hatch, looking smaller and weaker than ever. "I can't, if-if it wasn't for Stanley I... I was going to let you die, I wasn't going to grab the knife... I just fucking froze up! You let me go down with you, I'm gonna get us all killed" he gasped, reaching for his inhaler, grabbing it and sticking it into his mouth. Stanley was ready to step in and reassure him, but Richie beat him to it, grabbing his arm and pulling it away from his mouth.

"Hey, hey! Give me that, give me that" Richie said, pulling the arm with the inhaler away, while Eddie pulled it back towards himself, gasping for it.

"Richie-"

"Let go, you little turd..."

"Just, let me get" Eddie sprayed the inhaler even if it was inches away, and Richie kept on pulling, Eddie reaching out with his tongue and trying to suck the air coming out of it.

"yeh yeh yeh stop" Richie said, waving the flashlight in front of Eddie and making him wince.

"I got it" he mumbled and Richie let go of him.

"Listen to me" Richie said, and his voice seemed so adult and steady that Stan felt almost as if he was talking to him instead of Eddie. "You had a moment, fine. But who killed a psychotic clown before he was 14?"

"Me" Eddie whispered after a moment, and Stan nodded to himself. Me.

"Who stabbed Bowers with a knife he pulled out of his own face?"

"Also me."

"Who married a woman 10 times his own body mass?"

"...me."

"Yeah" Richie nodded, giving Eddie a smile, a smile that held so much sentiment that Stan felt like a creep watching. He looked away, closing his eyes. "You're braver than you think."

Stan's eyes widened and he looked down at the ground. He felt it, deep inside. Eddie was braver thank he thought, and so was he. They were braver than they could ever think.

"Alright, thanks Rich" Eddie whispered and Stan looked up at them again, and Richie gently tapped his cheek, the hurt one, making Eddie wince and move away. "Ow!"

"Sorry" Richie mumbled, moving back towards the hatch, and Stan sighed to himself, wondering if Richie couldn't have just said... something else. Something more. He had opened up a little but the biggest secret, it was still in there somewhere.

Stan could only hope Pennywise wouldn't use it against Richie.

They all gathered up by the hatch again and Bev moved closer, offering Eddie the spear she hadn't let go of yet, even after attacked by the monsters.

"Here, take it. It kills monsters" she said, handing it to him, and Eddie looked at her unsure but picked it up anyway.

"Does it?" he asked, and she gave him a nod.

"Yeah. If you believe it does."

"Thanks Bev."

She gave him a nod and kneeled down, starting to get into the hole. They waited for her to be a few feet down before Stanley moved and started to climb down, followed by Eddie, then Richie, last Ben. They held onto the slippery walls as tightly as they could making their way down, having to hold their flashlights with their mouths or between their arms, but somehow after the longest hike Stan had ever made, they arrived down into a small cave area, moist and smelling awful.

"You guys good?" Mike asked once he walked out of the hole, looking at it, and Bill followed behind, then Bev and so on.

"Yeah" Bill said, watching as Mike got closer to a small gap in the stones that lead to a larger room, the others right behind him. "Mike can you go through that?"

"Yeah, it's here, it's the only way. Come on" he called, crawling through the crack, and the others followed, one by one, Bill after Mike, waiting for the others to gather up and move through. Bev followed Bill and then they continued going, and the more Stanley walked, the more he felt like he wasn't supposed to be there.

'I was never supposed to see this' Stan whispered, crawling through the crack and arriving at the huge room with nothing but a weird rock formation that looked like a frozen spot where a drop of water fell into a river. He didn't know how to describe the spikes and the substance that made it up... he just felt sick. 'I'm not supposed to be here...'

"So this is what has been under Derry since... forever?" Eddie asked as they made their way towards the center of the structure, Stan standing between the others, feeling that same headache, closing his eyes and seeing the bathtub, the blood, the body inside the fridge, all the things that didn't happen but should have, they should have, he shouldn't be here!

A hand touched his shoulder and he looked up, seeing Ben looking at him and gently pushing him forward with a nod.

"Not forever. Just a few million years" Mike answered, and Stan looked at him, frowning at his response.

"As if that makes a difference" he mumbled and Mike looked at him, giving Stan a small, nervous smile.

They continued towards the structure, moving through the spikes carefully and making a circle around the weird smooth ground in the middle of the whole thing. Stan looked around, scared that Pennywise would show up out of nowhere, before looking at Mike again and seeing him place the relic in the middle of them, thinner part up.

"It can only be attacked in its true form. The ritual will show us that" he said, looking down at the relic.

"What's it true form?" Ben asked, terrified, and Richie shrugged.

"I hope it's a puppy... like a Pomeranian or..." he said, pressing his lips together when they all stared at him. "I'll shut up."

"Its light" Mike explained, looking up at them again, seeking for something, something Stan wasn't sure what was. "Light that must be snuffed out by darkness." He took off the lid, poured a bunch of liquid inside it, and then tossed a lit match inside provoking a flame. They all stared into the relic at the fire while Mike stood up, looking at them. "Your artifacts. Place them in the fire. The past must burn with the present. The fears... must be destroyed."

They all started to gather their tokens, taking them out of their pockets and wallets. Bill was the first to show his, a paper boat.

"This is the boat I built with Ge... Georgie" he said, before leaning forward and tossing the paper boat into the fire, watching the flames consume it.

"It's um... my inhaler" Eddie mumbled, taking his and staring at it for a moment before shaking his head, deciding against something and tossing it into the fire, receiving a nod from Richie.

"Something that I wish I had held on to" Bev whispered, holding a messy post card in her hand before gently placing it into the fire.

"Um this is a page from my yearbook" Ben said, holding a piece of paper, looking at it "that only one person signed. I probably should've forgotten it, but I couldn't because I kept it in my wallet for... twenty seven years."

As he leaned over to place it in the fire, Beverly seemed to be trying to say something but remained quiet, closing her mouth after a while.

"This is mine, it's my kippah" Stanley said, showing the small fabric to the others and sighing softly. "I guess it just connects me to the bad memories..." he leaned in and tossed it in the fire, watching the fabric burn up.

"This is a token from the Capitol Theater" Richie said, showing the small coin as he pulled it out of his pocket. Eddie looked at him curiously as he tossed it in.

"You brought an actual token?"

"Yeah that’s what we were supposed to do, asshole" Richie replied, Eddie furrowing his eyebrows and opening his mouth to say something, but before he did he stopped himself and instead gave Richie a nod.

"You can tell me why later" he said, deciding against saying whatever he was going to, turning back to the fire. Richie gave him a nod and looked at Stanley, who smiled at him.

"Look closely Bev" Mike said, and Beverly gave a step forward towards Mike. "You see it? That's where you hit Bowers" he said, and she let out a soft laugh.

"The rock fight" she whispered.

"The day these bonds were forged" Mike said, looking down at the rock before taking a deep breath and tossing it inside the fire. They stayed quiet for a moment, watching everything burn, and then he looked up. "Grab hands" he said, and they looked at each other as he took Bill and Eddie's hands on his own. "Come on" he said and they all held each other's hands, Stan taking Eddie's and Ben's. "The ritual of chud is a battle of wills. The first step was our reunion. The second was the gathering of tokens. This is the final step."

As they were staring at each other, the fire suddenly went out, and they held each others' hands tighter.

"What the..." Richie mumbled, and then, the sound of something breaking and moving made them look up. Several feet above their heads, where just a second prior was the ceiling of the cave, there was now a slit breaking through and moving, opening through the rocks as if they were made of flesh, inhuman and impossible to comprehend. From that opening came a set of lights, lights that made their surroundings look green and blue, three lights that came flowing down like they were being pulled towards them, turning and twisting amongst themselves.

"What the fuck is that?" Bill asked shakily before Mike looked back down and closed his eyes.

"Are those the deadlights?!" Eddie asked and Stan couldn't stop looking up at those three balls of bright light coming down over them.

"Don't look at them!" Mike yelled and Stan pulled his attention away from the lights as much as he wanted to stay looking. Fuck he wanted to, didn't he? He wanted to look... "DON’T LOOK AT THEM!"

"Okay" eddie whispered next to him and Stan looked over at Eddie, he seemed scared and he winced, closing his eyes. Stan looked at the others, their eyes closed. He closed his own eyes, the light shining through his eyelids.

"Turn light into dark, say it! Turn light into dark!" Mike yelled and Stan could hear a blinding noise, he almost couldn't hear what Mike was saying at all. It was a ring and a loud noise of stone breaking and crushing and he felt sick and dizzy and he closed his eyes even tighter. "SAY IT!"

"Turn light into dark!" Stanley yelled, and he heard the others yelling around him, the room getting so loud he wanted to go, he wanted to leave, his eyes tearing up behind the closed eyelids. "TURN LIGHT INTO DARK! TURN LIGHT INTO DARK!"

The lights were coming closer, they were brighter behind his eyelids, and he squeezed Eddie and Ben's hands as tight as he could, letting out a sob as the despair and the fear settled inside him. He didn't want to look, he didn't want to see it again, he didn't want to face IT, he wanted to go home, he wanted to go home back to his bathtub and his razor and finish this, he shouldn't be there, he knew he shouldn't be there, and the brighter the room got the more he was sure he was going to die, he was going to die, fuck, FUCK!

"KEEP CHANTING! TURN LIGHT INTO DARK" Mike kept on yelling, and suddenly the lights seemed to dim out and Stanley opened his eyes and gasped, looking down, seeing Mike closing off the relic at their feet. He felt a sudden relief, feeling like they had made it somehow, but before he could even think about opening his mouth something started to push against Mike's hand, and he looked at it frightened, seeing it was a balloon filling up.

"Mike what's happening man" Richie asked and they all questioned him but Mike kept pushing down, the balloon getting larger.

"Keep chanting! Don't stop chanting!" he yelled and they stayed quiet until Bill nodded and pulled them closer.

"Come on guys, turn light into dark! Turn light into dark!" Bill yelled and Stan opened his mouth but he couldn't, his throat was closed off. He heard Richie and Ben trying, saying it, Beverly gasping nearby, but he could only stare at the red balloon as it grew larger and larger until Mike couldn't hold it back anymore and he was pushed away, and the balloon started to grow the size of the monument they were in, their hands breaking apart as they pulled away, moving further from the balloon, out of the monument, Stan shaking as he found his way out of the spikes and back onto rocky ground, the balloon growing bigger and bigger and bigger, more than any balloon should grow, before it popped and sent him flying back with the strength, Stanley falling with his back to the ground, groaning and closing his eyes as his ears rang terribly.

The voices slowly came back, calling for him and for Bill and Mike, someone pulling him up and making him groan as he stood, leaning back and looking around, the Losers all gathering up and then Mike showing up from a corner.

"Guys I'm here" he said and they moved closer together, Stan turning to see Richie holding him.

"Did we do it? Did we kill it? Did it work? Did it work?" Eddie asked, sounding desperate and scared while Richie looked around.

"We put the tokens into the fire, that's a good thing right?!"

Stan looked at the monument, the lights of their flashlights turning towards it, and lighting up the face of the clown ten times bigger than normal, making them all scream and moved away, his throat completely closing out of fear.

"Did it work Mikey? Did it work?" Pennywise asked, laughing and whining and staring down at them as they looked confused and frightened to each other, Stanley unable to take his eyes out of the clown. "Tell 'em why your silly little ritual didn't work... tell them it's all just a... what's the word Eds? Gazebo?"

"Mike, what's he talking about?" Eddie whispered, shakily, and Stan turned to look at them for a moment before looking back at Pennywise.

"M-m-m-Mikey?"

"Oh Mikey, you never showed them the fourth side, did you?" Pennywise asked, he looked almost pitiful, but then he laughed and his eyes, shining bright orange, looked more evil than ever. "Didn't want them to know what actually happened to the poor Shokopiwah...? Yum yum yum..."

Stanley felt a burning sensation coming up from his stomach to his heart. Wait. Had Mike lied? He turned to the others, to Mike specifically, hand shaking while he held his flashlight.

"Fuck Mikey, you lied to us again?!" Bill yelled, and Stan felt even more angry, but he tried to push it back. Mike couldn't have possibly lied, no he wouldn't...

"No, but they didn't believe!" Mike cried out, and there it was. Stan groaned and moved away, away from Mike, away from Pennywise, closer into the group. "They didn't believe they could kill it, that's why! That's why it didn't work back then!"

"ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME MIKE?!" Richie yelled, moving backwards as well, all of them sharing their attention between Mike and Pennywise. Stan shook his head, he felt sick, he wanted to get out of that cave, he wanted to leave he should have never come, he was shaking and he wanted his tub and his razor and he wanted it to end.

"We hurt it"

"FUCK!"

"Fuck you Mikey" Bill cried out, moving further away still, being the one furthest away from Pennywise. Stanley could hear the name of the birds he liked so much coming into his brain and he started to mutter them to himself – he hadn't done it yet since he arrived, but now it was all he could think about, his birds, naming his birds, he just wanted his birds and his tub and his razor...

"I needed something... anything-anything to let us remember! Anything for us to believe!" Mike cried out but the screams continued.

"God damn it!"

"Fuck!"

Pennywise kept laughing and moving near them and Stanley moved away from them, shaking, looking at the monument until he felt someone tugging him backwards and he moved, following their steps, not even seeing who it was. Suddenly there was a bright blue light shining in the cave and he yelled, closing his eyes and leaning further back into whoever was pulling him, he couldn't hear anything, he wanted to go home he wanted to leave, and he didn't think the others were thinking anything much different.

"The deadlights! Don't look at them!" he heard Beverly screaming but he had his eyes closed for a while now, he felt like he was frozen in place and if it wasn't for someone pulling him back, he wouldn't have moved at all. Part of him imagined he was dreaming, that he would wake up in his house and everything would be fine, but all of that changed when he felt the floor shake and a dark voice ringing in his ears and he forced himself to open his eyes as Pennywise moved from the monument out into the rocks, looking not only huge but like a spider, a huge spider, with a clown head and body. It was a monster...

"For twenty seven years I dreamt of you..." IT said, moving towards them slowly, its legs pushing into the stone underneath, arms dangling next to its body "I craved you... oh I missed you!"

"Mike! Move back!" he heard someone yell (Ben? Bill?) and moved backwards as well following the group, his eyes wide and his mouth muttering the name of the birds (he knew so many birds thank god he knew so many birds) as he stared at the spider clown thing in front of him, his body barely reacting to it at all.

"Waiting for this very moment" Pennywise continued, and Stan was finally able to look away from IT, seeing that Eddie was the one pulling him while Bill called for Mike. But Mike seemed frozen in place, like he had given up, and seeing his friend like that gave Stan some strength, enough to pull back and grab onto Eddie right back.

"Mikey! You gotta move Mikey!" Bill cried out, but Mike didn't move. He just wouldn't move.

"I'm sorry guys... I'm sorry I'm so sorry" Mike said softly and Stan could barely hear it, but he could feel it, and the despair of Mike simply not moving the fuck away! He just didn't, he stayed right there for the taking!

"Mike for gods sake!" he yelled out, finally finding his voice, but not even that worked. They watched in horror as Pennywise pulled its hand up and it transformed into several smaller hands before a big sting appeared through them, a sting the size of a human, and it pointed to Mike, who was still frozen in place. "MIKE!"

As Pennywise slammed it down towards Mike, Stan watched as Bill jumped over him and pushed Mike to the side, and after that it was chaos, the seven of them knowing they were trapped and were about to be absolutely destroyed by that spider clown thing in front of them. Ben pulled Bill and Mike up as quickly as he could as Pennywise slammed its sting down again and they started running, running anywhere, Stan right after Eddie and Richie, Bev behind him, the monster coming after them clearly ready for a chase.

The lights still shone in the middle of the room, making the cave look blueish, and Stan ran as fast as he could while covering his head, feeling the pieces of the monument and the floor flying on top of them as Pennywise ran and slammed his hands around without stopping, laughing and yelling behind them. They couldn't stop, they had to run, run as fast as they possible could.

It wasn't long until Pennywise used one of its huge arms to slam down onto the floor and separate them, the arm hitting between them and Stan yelled as it almost hit right over him before he found a small covering in the middle of the room and he slid down, being followed quickly by Mike, seeing as the others each were pushed somewhere else, but he couldn't look, he was breathing hard and panting and he kept whispering the names of the birds under his breath.

Suddenly the sounds of Pennywise running around stopped and he gasped quietly, looking at Mike who seemed almost in the same state as he, looking out into nothingness and seeming absolutely lost. He was shaking and Stan reached out to him, holding his hand, calling his attention.

"Fuck Mike... why didn't you tell us?" he whispered, he didn't know if Pennywise was still around or not, he didn't want to let it know where they were. He just wanted this nightmare to end. "Why didn't you Mike, we would have followed you..."

"No you wouldn't... if you knew I didn't have a plan that I was going into this with a gut feeling you would have never ever trusted me" he said, his eyes tearing up as he gasped, and Stan shook his head.

"We would, it might be harder but we would, we made an oath, we were here for you Mike, you shouldn't have lied" he whispered and then frowned softly, reaching out, taking his hand. "This... was your fear wasn't it? Shit Mike..."

"I thought... you guys would hate me if you knew the truth... you wouldn't ever come down here with me... I was scared of doing it alone" he whimpered, and started sobbing, and Stan knew exactly how he felt. He pulled Mike against himself, hugging him tight and letting him cry, shushing him softly and looking out into the cave. Pennywise was nowhere to be found, but the deadlights were still floating around in the middle of the room.

"Mike, don't let it get to you" he whispered, finally looking back down at him, wiping his tears away and holding his face. "You are not alone. We are all here. We have a chance okay? We are going to do it I promise you we will. Now we have to find a way of helping our friends okay? We have to come up with a plan, you and I. Okay?"

"They are all alone... if they are alone they won't make it, Stan, if they are alone then Pennywise will take them, we have to help them" he said and Stan nodded, moving up slowly and having Mike stand next to him. They looked around the cave but they couldn't see anything, anyone. "Did you see where they went?"

"I think Bill went forward, but I-I didn't watch" he said, slowly trying to move but feeling the cave tremble and stopping, looking at Mike with fear. "Are we... do you think we are alone here?"

"I don't-" Mike stopped and looked over, the two them seeing Bill crawling out of a smaller cave filled with water a few steps away. "Bill!"

Stan felt relief in a way he never felt before and moved towards Bill, but suddenly Pennywise crawled and appeared in front of them and smirked down at the two of them, his hands reaching out for Mike.

"Missed me?" IT asked, laughing, and Mike stood still and firm while Stanley stepped back, shaking. Shit. Shit.

"I know what you are" Mike said, and Pennywise stared at him with a mad grin on his face. "That’s why I'm not afraid of you!"

"You may not... but they are" Pennywise laughed, turning to look at Stanley and he felt like his breath was stolen off his lungs. He stepped back and couldn't see anything, anything else other than those yellow eyes and that mouth filled with teeth...

Come on Stanley... you want it, don't you? You want to be inside the deadlights... you want to be with us Stanley... come to the tub Stanley... take your beer and your razor, close your eyes and lay down... come float Stanley... come float...

"Stan!" he heard someone yelling and looked to the side, Bill trying to stand up to go towards him. He looked back at Pennywise and yelled, moving back as a tentacle came down to wrap around him but before it reached him, Mike stood in front of him and the tentacle wrapped around him instead and Pennywise laughed, pulling Mike closer and making Stan gasp and fall down on the ground, his hands and legs shaking horribly.

"You may know what I am... but I know what you are, Mikey" Pennywise laughed, squeezing Mike on the tentacle and pulling him even closer while Stan pushed himself up and tried to hide. "You're a mad man..."

It's mouth started to open, pulling Mike into it, ready to eat him, but suddenly a rock came flying and hit IT on the forehead making it grunt. The tentacle released Mike and Stan ran to him, pulling him up, turning to see Richie on top of a pile of rocks and throwing another one on Pennywise.

"HEY FUCKFACE" he yelled, and Stanley moved closer to Mike as Richie stared at Pennywise in the face. The monster seemed annoyed and Stan couldn't help but think that Richie could annoy even a monster ten times their sizes. It was hilarious in a way. "WANNA PLAY TRUTH OR DARE? HERE'S A TRUTH! YOU'RE A SLOPPY BITCH!" he kept yelling, and Stan had an awful feeling climbing up his stomach. He moved away from Mike towards Richie, eyes wide. "LET'S DANCE! YIPEE-KI-YAY MOTHERF-"

Stan watched with more fear than he could even think was possible when Richie was taken in the deadlights, his body starting to flow up into the air as the clown spread its mouth so wide it could swallow a human hole. He saw the deadlights in the center of the room feeding the back of his head and Richie just kept flowing further and further up, floating, like a balloon, making Stanley feel his stomach turn deep inside him. Shit. No, no, not like this, not Richie, not like this!

He didn't realize he was moving, he didn't notice his legs were making him run, but Richie was getting closer and he knew he had to reach him, he had to help Richie, he had to, he had to like he had to help Mike and how he had to keep his friends protected even if he was scared, even if he wanted to go away, even if he wanted to never have come.

He was there. He had to.

He was a few steps away from the pile of rocks when Eddie appeared from the depths of the cave, holding the spear Bev had given him and running towards Pennywise.

"BEEP BEEP MOTHERFUCKER!" Eddie yelled as he ran, and Stan watched it with eyes wide and mouth open. The spear went through the air right into Pennywise's mouth, the spider clown screeching in pain and falling back, blood coming out as it coughed and screamed in pain, Richie falling down soon after and hitting the floor. Eddie ran to Richie and Stan was almost close enough to touch them, feeling relieved, looking back at Pennywise for a second. Everyone else was looking at Eddie and Richie, no one else was seeing Pennywise sink down into a spike. He felt so happy, Eddie did it! He did it!

Pennywise's arm moved up and the sting appeared again and Stan's happiness disappeared.

He didn't do it...

"EDDIE LOOK OUT!" Stan found himself yelling, running towards him as Eddie turned, confused, the world seeming to go in slow motion: the arm came towards them quickly, but Stan was quicker, the sting slashing through his leg as he pushed Eddie off and away from danger, a screaming coming out of his mouth as he fell over Eddie, the two of them rolling off the pile of rocks and holding each other. As they reached the end of the pile, Stan was pushed off and he yelled even louder at the sharp pain on his leg, before he saw the arm slamming next to him between him and Eddie and watching as the arm slammed onto him, tossing him off into a cave and Eddie to the other side.

Stanley didn't really feel anything as he tumbled down the stair-like rock formation, falling over his arms and passing out for a moment, or at least thinking he did, as he finally stopped turning and the whole world seemed to stop around him.

He didn't know how long he was out for. He didn't know if he was even still alive, he felt so comfortable, he felt nice and cold and he couldn't really feel anything even though his leg had been hurting a lot until that moment, and maybe he had hit his head or maybe he was indeed dead but all he knew was that he felt... happy.

'I did it' he thought to himself in that blissed state, face pressed against a cold surface that felt amazing in his hot skin. 'I saved Eddie...'

"I saved my friend..." he whispered, his eyes opening slowly. He was still out of it, but when his eyes opened, he saw a rock of wall nearby and suddenly the pain from his leg and his body started to come back and he groaned. Okay he wasn't dead... fuck. Suddenly there were hands on him and Stan opened his eyes further, scared for a second before relief took over when he saw Eddie looking down at him, hands on his shoulders.

"Stan! Stan!" he cried out, shaking him, and Stanley groaned and pushed him off. "OH thank god holy fuck! Fuck Stanley I thought I had killed you!"

"I'm fine..." he whispered and looked up, seeing the other losers coming down the rocky stairs, not knowing how they had been able to get there but happy that they were. Richie was the next one to show up, pulling Stan for a hug, and then pulling away as Mike, Bill, Ben and Bev kneeled next to him.

"How are you feeling Stan?" Bill asked, holding his leg and making him scream in pain, leaning back against Eddie. "Shit I'm sorry..."

"It looks bad" Ben mumbled, and Stan looked down at his leg and felt sick, it did feel bad, the wound was big, from his knee down to his ankle; it looked like a deep cut, with a bunch of black blood coming out; and worst yet, dark black veins seemed to be appearing from the sides of the wound.

"I can't fucking walk" Stan whispered, trying to put weight on the leg and yelling in pain. "FUCK!"

"D-d-don't move, don't move" Bill said, taking off his flannel shirt and starting to wrap it around Stan's leg. They only stopped when they heard a sound and looked back up, seeing Pennywise with its face pressed against the entrance of that cave, arms scratching the walls to open the passage up.

"COME OUT AND PLAY LOSERS!" the monster yelled, slamming and pulling and breaking the cave opening as it could. Stan tried unconsciously to move and yelled again, falling to the side and being held up by Eddie and Bill.

"We have to get out of here, we have to get the fuck out of here" Stan whispered, looking up at Pennywise again before Ben called them with a 'hey'.

"I think there's a passage here to the tunnel" he said, and they all looked over it but it didn't seem like Stan could move at all. He hissed as Mike tried to pull him up, but he fell down almost immediately and the Losers all gathered around him again.

"I can't I can't fuck I can't move" Stan said, shaking, gripping onto Eddie's shirt and closing his eyes. "I don't wanna die here I don't wanna die here alone I don't want to die please please I don't wanna die-"

"You are not going to die here Stanley!" Bill cried out and he looked at him, his eyes firm and intense and so fucking blue. Stan looked back at him, eyes filled with tears, but with Bill he knew... he knew he wouldn't die. "We h-h-h-have to find a wa-way of getting ou-out of here."

"I hurt it" Eddie said suddenly and they looked at him as he stared at them. "Back in the drug store... I had my hands wrapped around its throat and I choked it... and it started to get weak... it got weaker" he said, his eyes widening, and Mike looked at Bill.

"The prophecy... all living things must abide by the laws of the shape they inhabit" he said, as if he was having a revelation, and the others looked at him confused but hopeful for once.

"The tunnel!" Bev said, and Mike nodded at her. "Pennywise has to make himself small to pass through the opening of the cavern, right? If we can get him there, we-we can force him down to size!"

"Yeah" Mike nodded and she stood up, shaking.

"We can force him to shrink down small enough so we can kill him!"

"Through here!" Ben said, and they all nodded, but Stan felt like he simply couldn't move. Pennywise kept destroying the cave entrance, laughing and teasing at them, and he couldn't he just couldn't move.

"I-I can't" he cried out and the others looked at him as he pushed away, shaking his head. "I can't..."

"Go!" Richie yelled to the others, to Bill and Bev and Mike and Bill. "Go! Go Eddie! I'll stay with Stan!"

"No way man" Ben said back but Richie shook his head.

"I'll take him there just go!" he yelled back, pushing Eddie towards the entrance and turning back to Stan as they hesitantly but eventually started to run through the passage. Richie walked to Stanley, kneeling down next to him and tapping his shoulder. "Come on Stan, let's do it."

"I can't Richie, I can't" he gasped out, his leg was aching and burning and the tears wouldn't stop flowing. "I just can't, I shouldn't have come, this was a mistake."

"You saved me. You saved Eddie. You can do it" he said, taking Stan's arm around his shoulder and pulling him up and Stan gasped, holding onto him, and when he leaned against his leg Richie kept his hold and didn't let him fall. "Together, Uris! We can do it together!"

"I will never leave you alone again, Stanley!"

"K-keeping your promise, Tozier?" he asked, wincing and crying and leaning heavily against Richie as they walked towards the passageway. He could hear Pennywise destroying the cave but he couldn't see the others. Richie held him closer, one hand holding Stanley's over his shoulder, the other wrapped tight around his waist.

"You can't ever... call me a traitor" he said, pulling Stan closer and limping with him towards the other end of the tunnel. When they arrived, the others were already taking off towards the entrance of the cave, and Richie felt Stan getting heavier so he placed him down, kneeling in front of him. "It's okay it's okay."

"Richie... the others..." Stan mumbled, watching as Pennywise seemed to find them and started running towards the group. Richie looked over and bit his lip but shook his head.

"Not leaving you alone" he said firmly, holding Stan's hand and watching in fear. Stan watched as well, trying not to let the loss of blood and the dizziness and the fear take over his rational brain. He could do this... he needed some rest but he could do this...

They could hear screaming, they could hear Pennywise talking, but Stanley couldn't make up the words, they were simply too fuzzy in his head. Actually everything was starting to get fuzzy, the walls around him starting to blur out, but he shook his head and pushed it away, he couldn't pass out, he couldn't die, not after everything, not now.

"Richie" he said and his friend looked at him, eyes wide and concerned. "Take me there... help me up."

"Stan-"

"Do it."

Richie nodded and wrapped his arm around Stan again, pulling him up and helping him walk towards the group. He could hear them screaming something and the closest they were, the clearer it all seemed.

"Clown!"

"You're just a fucking clown!"

"A stupid mommy!"

"Just an old lady!"

"Clown!"

"Clown!"

The more they yelled, the quieter Pennywise got, and by the time he and Richie were close enough, the spider clown was half its original size. Richie seemed to catch up on the idea, beginning to scream it as well, insulting Pennywise, while Stanley looked around at his friends and then at the creature, feeling a new form of hatred and power passing through his veins.

"YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A STUPID CLOWN!"

He didn't know where that came from, deep within him he supposed, but Pennywise seemed to get hit by it bad, leaning back and whining in pain as it made its way back towards the monument. It was their size now, getting smaller and smaller, trying to fight back but being unable to, until it was the size of a baby and they were all ganged up in front of him, yelling, crying, screaming at him.

And then Mike moved over and slammed his hand inside IT's chest and pulled out a heart the size of a human head, still beating, and they all placed their hands on top of the organ, looking down at the small and pitiful creature in front of them.

"You're just a fucking clown" Mike whispered, and they started to squeeze it, squeeze the heart as hard as they could, until it was tearing up in their hands in a mess of flesh and blood, pouring upwards towards the ceiling while Pennywise started to deform in front of them, like burnt paper, the pieces flying up with the blood, floating.

And as it did, Stan felt all of the weight of the world go away from his back and he gasped, leaning against Richie and letting out a scream he didn't know he had inside him, just for then immediately start sobbing, losing his balance and falling down on his butt, crying harder at the pain on his leg before so many arms were around him, pulling him up and into hugs and more hugs.

"WE ARE FUCKING FREE" he yelled out, crying so hard he started to choke and cough, the others trying to calm him down so he wouldn't choke on his own happiness and relief. Beverly laughed and the others all agreed, while he pulled Mike by his collar and shook him. "You did it Mike... you did it... you saved Derry and you saved us and we are alive..."

Suddenly, there was a loud sound and they looked up just to see the walls around them starting to crumble and fall. They gasped and both Ben and Richie stood by Stanley, pulling him and holding him up as the others ran towards the entrance of the cave, and Stanley went after them jumping on his good leg with his two friends keeping him up, the seven of them crawling through the small tunnel, Bill and Mike pulling Stan as he couldn't find leverage to push through the rocks, Beverly and Eddie heading up the rock tunnel in front of the others. Stan tried to climb the first steps but it was clear that his leg wouldn't let him, so Ben moved towards him and nodded.

"Get on my shoulders, I'll carry you" he said, kneeling down, and Stanley didn't hesitate for a second, getting on Ben's shoulders like a kid and holding onto the stones to try and free some weight. Ben started to climb (with a lot of difficulty but covering ground), while Stanley helped pulling up with his hands, glad that the tunnel was small enough that he couldn't fall if he lost balance. Once close to the end, he grabbed Bev and Eddie's hands and they pulled him up, leaving Ben to climb the end alone, followed by Richie, Bill and Mike.

Once back in the main room in the sewers, Mike took his turn to hold Stan and support him, the seven of them making their way through the water, Stan barely registering the burning sensation on his leg as the dirty water entered the wound. He couldn't care less, he just wanted out.

Around them the walls kept shaking and giving out, and they ran all the way up towards the well house once more, this time Bill and Ben going first and using a rope to pull Stanley up before the others climbed, all of them reaching the top just as the house itself started to collapse. Ben was quick then to ignore his own tiredness and pick Stanley up, running with him through the hallways of the house followed by the others, the seven of them reaching the outside just in time for the walls and the ceiling to start collapsing behind them. Ben losing his balance and falling with Stan on the grass, both of them being pulled up and dragged to the street while the house sunk down into the dirt, taking everything with it.

They couldn't stop staring when the house was swallowed whole, like it had never existed in the first place, the seven panting and holding onto each other as if they would die if they didn't.

"Well... I guess we can put the 'for sale' sign now" Stan said, the others turning to look at him, and he chuckled to himself before his vision got blurry and he fell backwards, completely blacking out.

He just felt arms holding him before he got to the ground and then there was absolute black.

Chapter Text

Next time he opened his eyes, he was greeted with a bright light to his face and his instincts immediately kicked him, his heart pounding and breath failing as he though 'fuck that was just a dream I'm back in the sewers, I'm seeing the lights, fuck'. The thought was quickly cut short by a face showing up in front of him, blocking the light, a face he didn't know but didn't seem bad or twisted.

"Mister Uris" she said, her eyes calm and her lips curling up in a smile. "Relax. You are in the Derry Hospital, you are going to be fine."

The adrenaline started to lower down immediately and he blinked slowly, trying to remember what happened. They were running out, the house collapsed and he blacked out. That was it. The fact that he was in a hospital was a sign that it hadn't been a dream right? He moved to sit up but his leg ached in pain and the woman returned, holding his shoulders.

"Please don't move mister Uris, you are not fully recovered" she said, and he looked at her, furrowing his eyebrows.

"My friends.. where are my friends?" he asked, laying down again, and she looked over her shoulder before returning her attention to him.

"I can call them-"

"Please" he said, and feeling like she was going to add a rule or something, he cut her right to it. "All of them. The six of them. Please. It is necessary that I see all of them."

She remained quiet for a moment before she nodded, telling him to rest before she walked out of the room. Stanley leaned back and looked at the ceiling but he couldn't rest, not until the Losers were around him and he knew they were safe. And indeed the woman returned quite quickly, and after her came all of them: Bill, Mike, Ben, Bev, Eddie and Richie, all of them.

"I will leave you alone. If you need anything, just ring the bell" she said, pointing to a button on the wall before leaving, but Stanley didn't give a fuck. He looked at them, his best friends, and immediately started to tear up.

"Did we do it?" he whispered, and Bill moved closer to him, slowly, sitting down and taking his hand.

"We did it" he answered, and Stanley let out a broken sob, pulling Bill for a hug and then pulling the others. They all met him in the middle and he cried in pure relief, cried until he had no more teas to shed and he was feeling tired and happy.

"How long am I going to stay?" he asked after a while, more calmer now, and Bev stepped up.

"The doctors said you can leave as soon as you're feeling better, probably today even. They cleaned the wound, there was no broken bones or anything, you just lost blood and they had to clean it up but you're good to go" she said, and he smiled at her, taking her hand and nodding.

"And how long was I out?"

"A few hours" Richie answered. "We left Neilbolt at around... nine am? It's two pm now."

"Okay good" Stan nodded and rubbed his eyes, sighing and looking back up at them. "When I get out of here... we are all going to the Chinese restaurant again and have an actual good dinner. On me."

"Sounds like a plan, Stan the Man" Mike said, smiling, and Stan smiled right back, closing his eyes and letting the tiredness and the relief take over.

They did it.

Derry was safe.

They... were safe.

Stan had to spend the whole day and night in the hospital being watched, but in the next morning he was released. He took the time in the morning to go to the INN, shower and give Patty a call (assuring her that yes, he was fine, the trip had been amazing and he would be returning in a day or two) before all the Losers met up again around the library just to talk, relive their childhoods a little. Bill even had the idea to rent them all bikes and they went around town, seven adults, riding bikes like children and laughing and stopping on the ice cream shop, the park, and eventually grabbing some food to go and making their way back to the club house again, this time without any dark entity after them.

On their way down, Stanley remained mostly behind admiring the birds, and he noticed Richie was also trying to stay further away from the group, so he moved closer to him and nudged him gently with his shoulder. He was still limping a bit but nothing too bad.

"Hey Rich. You look down" he said, and Richie looked up at him with a chuckle and shrug. "Oh come on man, what's up? Something bothering you?"

"I... think you know what's bothering me" Richie mumbled, his eyes drifting off to the group in front of them, specifically Bev, Ben and Eddie, the three of them talking between each other loudly. Mike and Bill were further ahead, talking amongst themselves as well. Stan did take a moment to understand what Richie was talking about, but when he did he frowned.

"You didn't tell him" he said, and Richie shook his head. "Rich..."

"I can't Stan" he said softly, shakily, looking down at his feet. "I mean what if... what if he hates me? What if he finds me gross and weird? I can't, not with him man, I can't have him not want to be around me..."

"And you can just suffer while watching him walk around like you never felt anything?" Stan asked, eyebrows furrowed, pulling on Richie's jacket and shaking him. "Come on man, if you don't say anything, you'll regret it for the rest of your fucking miserable life!"

"Quiet down asshole" Richie hissed, pulling Stan further away from the group and looking up, relaxing when the others didn't seem to notice. "Stanley, I can't. This may seem easy and fun and games for you but I simply cannot tell him the truth alright? Yeah maybe I'll regret it for the rest of my fucking miserable life but at least I'll still have him as a friend."

"God Tozier, you're an absolute moron" Stanley sighed, pulling away from Richie's hold and standing in front of him, poking his chest firmly. "He saved your ass back there. Alone. No one holding his hand, no one pushing him on. He looks up to you for safety, damn he only went down into the tunnel because you told him he was brave. He married a carbon copy of his mother and you really think there's nothing at least suspicious about him?!"

Richie stared back at Stanley, his eyes looking wider than normal behind his glasses, but he remained quiet and in shock as Stan's words sunk into his brain. And he hoped they would, Stan was fucking tired of seeing Eddie and Richie dance around each other, always too close for comfort but too far to get anything done.

"Stan, are you-"

"You, Richie, are going to head over there, look Eddie in the eye, and confess your love for him, even if I have to threaten to kill you for it. Got it?" he asked, and his anger only subdued because Richie did look lost and insecure as he looked back at Stan.

"If he says something bad... can I tell him you made me do it as a joke?"

Stanley held back a loud, tired sigh, and gave Richie a nod.

"Yes. But for fuck's sake give him some time to react" he said, pulling away from Richie, walking around him and pushing against his back. "Now go. For fuck's sake just go."

"Now?!"

"Now Richard!"

He pushed Richie away as hard as he could with his bad leg and then moved towards the group again. Richie walked slowly towards Ben, Bev and Eddie, getting in between them and into the conversation while Stan watched and shook his head, remaining in the back of the group. Nothing happened until they were in the club house again, and Stan was the first down, smiling at the bad smelling room and starting to clean up the spider webs.

"I'm never gonna look at spiders the same way" Ben mumbled as he helped, using his own jacket to clean them up. They had brought a few flashlights to put around since it was so dark in there and lit up the small room with them, each tending to a spot inside and cleaning it up the best they could so they could sit down and lunch later.

It didn't take too long with the seven of them working to get the place into a more sanitary condition, and soon Bev and Mike were spreading the blanket and the seven of them were sitting down, to-go food in the middle of the circle. They had brought a lot of stuff so they started eating and talking as if there was no tomorrow, and indeed there wasn't, not for them and not while they were in there, together.

"Where are you off to, Mike? Ready to say hello to Florida?" Bill asked as he munched on a burger, his stuttering completely gone after they had killed Pennywise for good. Mike gave him an uncertain look and then chuckled.

"Can you believe... I'm actually terrified of leaving this town" he said, shaking his head, but Bev was quick to reach out and touch his knee, making Mike look up at her.

"Don't worry Mikey. We can go with you if you're too scared" she assured, and there was no joke or tease in her voice. Just simple, honest wish to help and be there for her friend. Bill nodded in agreement to her, and Mike smiled at them.

"Thanks... but I think I can do it on my own. And I'm guessing you are all going back to your spouses?" Mike asked, and the two of them let out chuckles.

"Yeah, right back to sign the divorce" Bev said, raising a toast to herself and drinking the sparkling wine they had brought before turning to Ben and leaning against him. "I finally found my true love and I don't intend on losing him..."

"You would never ever lose me Bev" Ben whispered, leaning down to kiss her, and they all stayed silent while the two of them smiled at each other. The moment passed and attention returned to Bill, who was also nodding.

"Yeah same for me" he said, shaking his head to himself and biting down on the burger. "I simply can't... can't be with Audra anymore" he mumbled, swallowing down the food and sighing. "I wasn't ever truly happy with her. Time to turn that page and start anew."

"What about you Eds?" Mike asked, looking at the man right in front of him in the circle. Eddie looked uncomfortable at the question, looking own at his foot for a moment. "Back home? To your wife?"

"I... um..." he rubbed his hands, taking a deep breath and then sighing before looking up at them again. "I really don't... know what to do."

"What do you mean? Didn't you say she was a carbon copy of your mom?" Bill asked, confused, and Eddie nodded. "Why would you want to stay married with your mom?"

"She's... well, the only person I've ever been with" Eddie said, eyebrows furrowing together, and he didn't look at them in the eye. "After my mother died and all... I've never been alone, I don't know if I would do well without... anyone..."

"You would rather be unhappily married than alone?" Stan asked, he was honestly surprised, and when Eddie looked up he looked young and so confused.

"I'm not unhappily married, Myra and I can be happy" he said, defensive, and then sighed and closed his eyes. "She's not... she's not all bad is what I'm saying. She's not my mother. Not exactly. And she loves me so... I don't know."

"Tom always said he loved me" Bev said, and all of them looked at her, but specially Eddie, his eyes wide. "He said he loved me when he hit me, when he hurt me, when he abused me, and I always believed. That's how I knew love because that was how my father loved me. But that's not love, and it took me this long... it took me seeing you six again and killing that clown to realize that what Tom and my father did wasn't love" her eyes focused on Eddie with strength and certainty. "I don't know how your wife is, Eds, but I remember your mother. I remember her controlling you, hurting you, abusing you, not like my father but in her own way, always having to know you were under her grip. If your wife is anything like that Eddie... if she follows those steps, she doesn't love you. She even might think she does, but she doesn't. It's about control, Eds. And believe me, when you find someone who truly loves you... who doesn't want to control you but instead wants you to be who you really are... all this wait will be worth it."

Eddie blinked at her, slowly, and then looked down at his own hands, clearly still unsure, but also seemingly ready to make a stand. That was the thing about Eddie: he always seemed scared, but in reality, he was always hiding how truly brave he was, underneath layers and layers of overprotectiveness and made up diseases and weaknesses. He was probably the strongest out of their whole group, and they knew it. All of them but Eddie himself, of course.

"And that person might be closer than you think."

Stan's eyes widened when he heard that because he swore to himself he wouldn't say anything, he wouldn't do Richie dirty like this, but did his lips just... work for themselves? But no, his head turned, and Bill was smiling at Eddie so knowingly that Stan realized that he wasn't the only one that wasn't blind. In fact, all of the others seemed to be thinking the same, except, again, for Eddie, who was staring at Bill confused while Richie turned red next to him.

"What do you mean, Bill?"

"I mean that just like Bev and Ben found each other... sometimes love is just right next to you, you just can't see it" he said, shrugging, and Eddie furrowed his eyebrows so deeply he looked like an old man and Stan couldn't help but chuckle. He did look cute when he was confused. Richie on the other hand was going from red to pale, looking like he was about to pass the fuck out.

"Heyyyy why don't we leave the love talk for later and just enjoy ourselves some company and some good food ay?" Richie blurted out, reaching for a sandwich and almost shoving the entire thing in his mouth, making the Losers all laugh except for (you guessed it) Eddie, who frowned at him and slapped his arm.

"One bite at a time, dumbass!"

"Af oth fa mommmom" Richie babbled with his mouth full and Eddie groaned, pushing against his shoulder and shaking his head as they all served themselves for something else. Mike decided to leave them be, turning to Stan instead.

"What about you, Stan the Man? Running after a divorce as well?" he asked, curious, but Stanley looked at him surprised and then chuckled, shaking his head quickly.

"Never passed my mind. Patricia is everything I love, everything I need" he said, looking down at his sandwich, smiling as he remembered her. Felt like there had been months since they had last seen each other, but it hadn't been a week. "I'll go right back into the arms of the woman I love, and with any luck, now that the curse is finally over, we will be able to have children."

"I hope you do. You'll be the best father, Stan" Bev said, smiling at him, and he smiled right back with a nod.

"Yes... I hope I am" he whispered, biting down his sandwich and turning around to the others. "What about you Ben? And Richie? What are your plans?"

"I'll go with Bev, stand next to her every step of the way" he said, holding her closer and kissing her on the head. Bev smiled and closed her eyes, leaning against him. "And when the divorce is over and signed, we will probably get married."

"So I hope" she mumbled and he smiled. Then he turned to Richie, who shrugged and finished swallowing the last piece of his food.

"I guess I'll go to LA, I have a bunch of shows to work on and do" he said, taking a large sip of his beer. "I have a tour in a few months... life will be busy as hell and I have to pay back so many people for just abandoning them to come to this shitty little town."

"Are you ready to come out to your public? Or are you going to leave that in the backstage?" Bill asked, it was an honest question considering some of them would probably be interviewed for their disappearances to Derry, and now that they would remain friends, their names would be all over the place. Richie however still seemed a bit uncomfortable with the subject, shaking his head.

"I don't think I'm gonna step in a stage and come out like that, stuff just... doesn't work like that right?" he asked, and no one answered. None of them were as famous as Richie, not in the celebrity sense anyway. "I don't know, I'm honestly considering taking this one to the grave with me."

"What?" Bev gasped, all of them a little alarmed. "Come on Richie, the curse is over, it's the twenty first century, you don't have to hide that forever! How are you gonna get a boyfriend if you do?!"

"Who said I want a boyfriend? What the fuck Marsh, I've been alone for twenty seven years, I'm not gonna live that long" he chuckled, but none of the others laughed back. It didn't feel like a joke, it just felt too real. "Oh guys come on..."

"Bev and Bill are getting divorced to see out happiness, and probably so will I" Eddie said, looking up at Richie with a small, gentle smile on his face. "You should be able to look for it too, man. Who cares if you're gay or straight or bi or whatever other labels are there now, happiness is all that matters right?"

"He's right" Bill agreed, all of them did actually, nodding to Richie. "It's all that matters Rich."

"And we will be there for you in every step of the way" Ben added, smiling, and when they looked at Richie, he seemed about to cry. He gave Stan a short stare and Stanley nodded, firmly. 'Please' he begged in his thoughts 'please for fuck's sake Tozier, get that shit out of your chest'.

But he could only hope.

"It's easy for you guys to say it" Richie said, almost seeming like he was forcing it out of his mouth. Maybe he was. Stanley believed he was. "But I have ever only loved one person my entire life and... I doubt he loves me back."

"Have you asked him?" Mike asked, and Richie looked at him annoyed but shook his head.

"No. I don't think I can."

"We are here for you. You can do anything in the whole world" Bev smiled, giving him a nod, and then Richie turned to Eddie, staring down at him. Eddie seemed unsure about something, but when Richie looked, he gave him a smile and a nod.

"Anything. You can tell us who it is, maybe we can help" he offered, and Stanley held back a laugher. Oh Eddie, he was so blind sometimes. "Come on" Eddie said now in his usually energetic way, slapping Richie's arm and jumping up a little "tell us! Let us help you man!"

Well...

"It's you" Richie choked out suddenly, and the group all moved back a little at the sudden way the words came out. It was almost as if he was throwing them up. "It's you."

"Me?" Eddie asked, giving him a chuckle and then shaking his head. "Oh come on Rich, this isn't time for jokes, I mean sure. Yeah. It's me" he snorted, smiling at Richie and looking up at him again. "Come on, tell us the truth. Who is it? Do we know him?"

"Yes. You know him. It's you."

Eddie's laugher died and he looked at Richie silently, seriously, and then started to look angry in that same way he was when Richie made a 'fucked your mom' joke. His eyebrows touched his eyes and he looked at Richie angrily.

"Dude. That's not funny."

"It's not supposed to be fucking funny" Richie said, louder now, seemingly desperate as he reached out and stopped himself halfway, hands shaking as they stood in midair, almost by Eddie's arms. "It's you! You're the guy I've loved all my life!"

Stanley couldn't keep staring at them, the mood was weird and he reached down to take his drink, sipping on the juice and looking at the others. Apparently all of them had the same idea, Bev and Ben drinking silently, Mike checking his clock for the time, Bill laying down and reaching for a dusty and old comic book laying around.

"Guys, is he-" Eddie started saying but was stopped and Stanley didn't want to look at it because it felt a little too personal for anyone to be staring at the moment. "You can't be fucking serious."

"I am. I am the most serious I've ever been in my entire fucking life."

"No, Richie, I'm serious, you can't possibly love me man, I'm like..."

"You're what? Don't come at me with self-deprecating shit or I'll fucking end you. Self-deprecating humor is my thing."

"Richie I am a 40-year-old hypochondriac who married his own mother!"

"Yeah?! And I'm a 40-year-old comedian who makes straight jokes for a fucking living even though the only person I ever liked was a guy I met in my babyhood!"

"Babyhood doesn't fucking exist!"

"Oh yeah?! Look it up, smartass!"

"Shut the fuck up!"

"Make me!"

Well that was it. Stanley turned his eyes towards the two again to see exactly what he was expecting, hoping and dreading: they were making out. Stanley sighed in relief and distaste, shaking his head and sipping on his juice as he looked at the others, Bev and Bill smirking like malicious kids, while Mike and Ben had easy and happy smiles on their faces.

"Better late than never right?" Stan asked, the others nodding, and he turned again to see Richie's hand up and his middle finger pointed towards Stan. So he was listening still? Good for him.

The five of them continued their lunch unpreoccupied as Richie and Eddie made up, talking about nothings and even making up a few vacations for the seven of them, nothing concrete but better than just waiting for chance to strike again. They laughed and told a few stories and relaxed inside their Club House, and for that entire afternoon they felt like children again, like those seven lucky children who had somehow found each other in the middle of the chaos that was Derry, Maine.

And by the time they returned to the town, on their bikes, the sun settling in the horizon, they stopped in front of a store that had a reflective window to the street and looked at their reflections, and it was like looking into their souls: the more Stan looked, the more he could see that scared young boy from 27 years before, coming back from the sewers, hurt and dirty but relieved in a way, victorious, ready for another fight whenever it might be.

"I can't go home like this guys, my mom's gonna kill me."

"You've been gone for 24 hours, your face is definitely in a milk carton by now. Besides, you smell worst than your mom's slippers."

"My mom's slippers smell like pot-pourri asshole."

"No they don't."

"Yes they do, and besides how would you know how they smell like?"

"Guys, can't we be quiet at least on our way home?"

Stan agreed with Mike. They could try to shut up at least for a minute or so. But the more he walked forward, with Ben mumbling about what pot-pourri really meant, with Eddie insisting his mother's slipper smelled amazing, with Richie unable to shut the fuck up for a moment, with Bev laughing, Mike sighing, and Bill walking like he was finally free of the weight of Georgie's death on his shoulders, the more Stan felt like he was exactly where he was supposed to be: home.