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Tommy didn't have serious problems, except for a few self-doubts. His life was finally great, he's fucking famous at the age of 17. So why did nothing he wanted to do feel right? Why was he sitting in front of his computer having a complete panic attack?
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Tommy was supposed to do a lore stream with Wilbur and Quackity in a few minutes when suddenly the walls seemed to close in around him.
He didn't really know how it started, it was just another stream where the other two would ignore his character in favour of them arguing. Not really something new to Tommy.
But maybe that was just the problem, because he knew it'd be another boring, lonely stream for him. That's exactly how he felt recently: alone.
Everybody was just doing their own thing right now and he felt a little bit left behind. Scratch that, he felt extremely left behind.
It wasn't like the others didn't include him anymore, it was more his own fault for always turning them down, because he thought they did not actually want him to be there. So he found dumb excuse after excuse, so he wouldn't be in their streams or videos.
Yesterday he had, stupid how he was, agreed to be in the lore stream for today. Since then he had been overthinking his choice a thousand times and came to the conclusion they just asked out of pity.
Now he doesn't know what to do, because the stream would start in a short amount of time and he hadn't even opened discord yet, still just staring at his background, which was some fanart of Tubbo, Ranboo and him.
Wilbur and Quackity would hate him if he'd cancel so suddenly. They didn't really need him for the stream but still. He had to do something to calm him down, or otherwise you could see that he was not actually okay.
Luckily he still remembered the breathing exercise, he learned in 7th grade. Tommy also had panic attacks back then, but after a few exhausting months of therapy, they were gone.
He was so happy, when he stopped having panic attacks and so sure they'd never come back. Oh, how wrong he was.
The exercise helped only a bit, but it was enough for him. He was already late, so he hurried to finally open discord and hop in the call. Wilbur had started his stream three minutes ago, Quackity was yet to start his. They were only waiting for him, Will's starting soon screen still being there, chat was getting more impatient with every second.
"Tommy! You're late, is everything alright?", Wilbur asked, concern in his voice.
"Yeah big man, was just writing an assignment for college and completely forgot 'bout the stream, really sorry! But now we can start, it's pretty late already, innit?" There was his energetic internet persona again.
"We should actually start, before the fans hate us all." Quackity stated, obviously trying to hold back his laughter.
Great, now they were laughing about him. Tommy wasn't really looking forward to the stream, he didn't want another hour of this.
They ended up streaming for three hours, because Will wanted to do a 'Just Chatting' stream after the lore. Tommy tried to excuse himself, but even he knew it was a weak attempt.
Wilbur convinced him to stay and Tommy did have atleast a little bit fun.
After the stream they sat with a few more streamers in the call and just talked about nothing. Tommy was already saying goodbye to everyone, when suddenly Will spoke up.
"You sure, that everything is good? You seemed off today, Toms." The stupid concern was there again and it turned something in Tommy.
"Yeah yeah, I'm fucking great! Now, would you drop it, I have homework to do." He snapped.
"Woah, calm down Tommy. We're just trying to help you, I noticed the same thing as Wilbur." Quackity spoke with his stupid, calm voice.
"Oh please, as if any of you'd care about me! I'm just here for fucking clout!" Oh no, he was on the way to destroy his friendships, because he was finally speaking the truth.
"Is that really how you think about us? We are your friends, Tommy! Why wouldn't we want to just spend time with you?" Tubbo asked.
"Because I'm annoying and nobody ever actually liked me! You're not the first 'friends' that just use me. But that's alright, it's my own fault. I was so dumb for letting us all become friends, I should've known fucking better! I'm too stupid and loud and ugly to have actual friends." Fuck, now he was crying.
"That's not true! I don't want you talking like this about yourself!" Tubbo sounded angry.
"We don't use you for clout, Tommy. Who made you think that?" Phil was clearly sad, although Tommy didn't know, why he would be.
"I don't know. It just doesn't make sense that you would simply like me because of me!" Tommy was full on sobbing now.
"Shh, everything is alright Toms. We do like you because of you. Can you remember, when you were not famous yet? Many of us were already your friends then." Wilbur was trying to be the voice of reason.
"But lately you weren't doing anything with me, besides sometimes streams or videos. You weren't spending time with me, especially not in private!"
"That's because you never wanted to do anything with us! You always found dumb excuses, so you didn't need to be there! We were really concerned, but we chose to give you the space you deserved." The others quickly agreed with Will.
"Well, I thought you didn't want me to be there!" Tommy was really trying to calm down, but the tears just didn't disappear.
"It's just been many misunderstandings between you and us, but we can work that out. Is that okay with you, Tommy?" Phil asked and even managed to sound reassuring, despite his obvious sadness.
"Yeah, alright. We can try that." Tommy sniffled and caught the (hopefully) last tears with his sleeve.