Work Text:
“Moço, mas você por um acaso sabe fazer a receita?”
According to google translate, what the nice lady helping him wanted to know was if he knew how to make the recipe - or at least that's what he hoped she had asked. Communication was never Tobio Kageyama’s forte, especially when he doesn’t know a word in Portuguese.
It all started with a simple quest: he wanted to surprise Hinata on his birthday. Even after so many years together, their competitiveness had not dropped or even diminished a bit; on the contrary: since they shared virtually every moment together, the idea of turning important dates into a challenge was way too tempting. And, as a result, gifting was no longer a romantic or a cute thing a normal couple did to show how much they care for each other. Now, this love story was a battleground, where whoever chose the best gift won.
However, if we were really going to turn dating into war, Kageyama was almost completely out of field soldiers. Most of the time - if not all of them - the winner was the annoying redhead, who knew every little thing about Tobio, especially how to make him happy. But admitting that means accepting defeat, which, for the setter, would be something closer to hell than death itself.
So this time, he was convinced to write the story in another way. The role of the jester, playing little pranks to try to divert attention from the real problem, would no longer be his. Hinata’s defeat would come with such precision and dedication that all the years of victory would be disregarded in a single act.
But…how?
As much as he loved Hinata, almost as much as he loved volleyball, it was extremely draining to waste every precious second he could be training to think of places to take him out on dates or movies he might enjoy watching. And, according to Hoshiumi, gifting him with another ball or sports articles would result in him being dumped in a heartbeat. So, to save him from losing (both his boyfriend and the battle), he decided to use his ultimate weapon: Miwa.
Despite what everyone might think of them, the Kageyama siblings called each other often, mostly Tobio. After spending time playing in Italy, he realized that he missed his sister way more than he could imagine and, to his surprise, her opinions about him (and his clothes) mattered a lot. Not only that, but Miwa was an extremely practical person, solving any situation rationally and quickly, without wasting too much time on small talk.
“Give him a new sneaker or something like that” Her voice was far away, meaning that she probably left the phone on the kitchen table and went to another room, treating with complete disdain the life-or-death situation his brother found himself in. “Last time I talked to Natsu, she told me that he was complaining about his old ones.”
“He already bought one,” Kageyama answered with trembling legs, blood going up to his brain. “I told him to do that.”
“Why would you tell him to buy something that could be a perfect gift?”
“He was complaining about it!” Maybe calling his sister wasn’t a good idea after all. “Why would I just sit there and listen to him whine when he could buy a new one himself?”
“Ok, why don’t you take him somewhere? Go out on a romantic date, like a picnic or something.”
Tobio pinched between his eyes, getting even more frustrated. “That wouldn’t make me win a thing. We’re always out because, apparently, staying home means that shithead could combust or something.”
Her laugh was distant, but loud. “Why are you so invested in giving him the perfect gift? That kind of thing never really bothered you before. I bet he would like even the smallest act of kindness coming from you.”
“You don’t get it.” He doesn't know at what point he started wandering around the rented apartment, but now he couldn’t stop. “My reputation as a perfect boyfriend is at risk.”
“Are you going to propose or something?”
“I’m hanging up.”
“Look,” Miwa sighed, her voice clearer. She probably picked her phone up now, which means she wanted to end the phone call as soon as possible. “Why don’t you cook something for him? Make a Brazilian dish or something like that, he must miss that place a lot.”
He hated the idea.
His sister not only made the situation even more complicated, but she also placed the greatest responsibility in the world in the hands of the worst cook they both knew. And, on top of that, a typical Brazilian dish seemed like something completely unimaginable and complex, full of exotic and challenging ingredients.
But, in the end, it was all he had. And, after a quick google search or two, he decided that the safest choice was to make something named “ brigadeiro” , a famous sweet that Hinata always talked about.
The recipe was quite simple. According to a weird looking website he found, anyone with a well working brain could pull it off, even if they never even went to Brazil or tasted the delicacy themselves. All he had to do was add a spoonful of butter, a can of condensed milk and two or three spoons of cocoa powder in a pot, mix it together in low heat and stir until you could see the bottom of the pan for at least 3 seconds when you drag the spatula through it. When it’s chilled enough, you roll the paste into little balls and cover with sprinkles. Easy as setting for his favorite spiker.
And that’s why he’s here, in the middle of a little Brazilian market they usually frequented, trying to communicate with the short blond woman, who speaks in a soft tone, but her face tells the contrary. Trembling, he tapped a few things in his cellphone and pressed play.
“ Sim, achei a receita em um site ”. He didn’t answer that, the Google lady did. And he hoped that she seemed nice enough.
The worker just looked at him one more time and sighed, making a motion with her hand indicating that he should follow her to the back of the store. After a few seconds, she stopped abruptly, pointing to three distinct products that he had no idea about.
“Chocolate” Her voice was firm, but the word was dragged out too slowly, so even an airhead like him could understand. Kageyama was a little offended but, well, her technique proved efficient, since he understood what those boxes meant.
She pointed to the first one: a yellow plastic recipient with a weird looking cow, who looked at him very suspiciously. Then, she slowly moved her fingers to the next box, now a red one, with two men (priests?), one of them licking his fingers. He noticed that she kept her fingers a little longer at this one, looking at him with big eyes, moving her head up and down almost imperceptibly. To finish, the third one: another red can, but this time with a big yellow thunderbolt running across the label.
"A vaca parece ser bem simpática! ” He wanted to make a little joke, but it didn’t work. Curse the Google lady for making everything sound so robotic.
Tobio looked at the impatient worker one more time, as if he was asking for help - and he was. Her finger was still up to the third one, but her eyes were indicating that he should pick the second choice. He just nodded and reached out for it, receiving a thumbs up as a reward. Never in his life did he think that picking a box of cocoa powder would cause so much disturbance to his poor little brain.
In a rush of courage, Kageyama decided to choose the can of condensed milk himself as soon as they stepped into the aisle. Feeling a little proud with his grand act, he lifted his chest and looked deep into the woman's eyes, expecting her to look at him in awe, as if she were standing in front of a famous pastry chef, barely holding back in eagerness to sample any pastries he prepared.
But to his surprise, what she actually did was take the product out of his shopping basket, put it back on the shelf and choose a completely different, sturdier, and expensive looking one.
“Com essa não tem erro!” The setter had no idea what she said, and was too embarrassed to ask her to repeat herself, so he just answered with a weird smile, which was apparently enough.
The woman also just decided that he needed butter without even asking. He had it at home but was too afraid of putting it back in the refrigerator, so he just accepted and followed her.
When they arrived at the cashier, she bowed to him, politely, and pointed at some young man behind the counter, waiting for him.
“Hi, how can I help you?” English, no good. Kageyama just shook his head, pointing to his phone.
Apparently, that didn’t work for the man, who just continued “Fala português?”
That was even worse.
With fear creeping through his body, he typed as fast as he could a simple answer to save his life and finally be freed from this nightmare.
“Olá, estou comprando esses ingredientes para fazer um brigadeiro, obrigado pela ajuda.”
A second or two passed without them saying a word and that was enough to make Kageyama go mad. What if the Google lady had translated something completely wrong and had insulted them? He could swear he heard her saying brigadeiro, but what if he was so nervous that he started to listen to things?
In the end, the man just gave him a polite smile and started to scan his products, sharing glances here and there with the blonde woman. Tobio relaxed a bit, feeling a little more confident in himself. That should work, right?
“Ta perdidinho, tadinho…” They started to have a nice conversation in Portuguese, ignoring Kageyama’s presence.
“Que Deus ajude a pessoa que for comer isso aí.”
(...)
He had everything that he needed: the pot, the ingredients and confidence. Hinata would be here in approximately two hours, so that means he had all the time in the world.
Or so he thought.
Making the brigadeiro was much more difficult than the recipe made it seem. First, in his head, he could see the bottom of the pot from the start, so it didn't make much sense to have to cook for very long. Also, the butter was too cold, making the melting process slow and agonizing, burning all the other ingredients. And to make matters worse, he had most certainly put in the wrong dose of cocoa powder, leaving everything with a bitter aftertaste. Adding sugar wasn’t in the original recipe, but that wouldn’t make it bad, would it? He added a spoonful, just in case.
What was supposed to take a minute or two turned out to be a much tougher battle than he had anticipated. He couldn't understand if the mixture was already thick enough or why little caramel pieces had started to appear. Nothing made sense with what the website said and if he dared to take his eyes off the pan for a second to look for another easier and more understandable recipe, the brigadeiro would start to bubble and burn, driving him crazy.
“Fuck it, this should work.”
He gave up and transferred the hot goo to a shallow dish, which was apparently too small, causing some of the mixture to slide out of the container. With all the calm and delicacy in the world, he walked with small, calculated steps so that he could put his masterpiece inside the fridge to cool down. And so, with part of his hand burned, half of his chocolate-stained clothes and a lot more sweat than an intense game of volleyball, his last mission would be to take a shower and wait.
(...)
Of all the learnings that life cost him to teach, Tobio believed that the act of “waiting” itself was something he had carefully learned and therefore managed to involve his entire being in a spiritual bond, causing long hours to pass in even seconds. What he hadn't expected, after all, was that letting a dessert sit for a few hours in the fridge would cause him so much discomfort that he'd (almost) dared to nibble on one of his perfectly trimmed setter nails.
Within half an hour, the refrigerator had been opened at least fifteen times. He thought, at a certain point of desperation, that the answer would come even faster if he gave up and put all the mixture into the freezer, but this proved completely useless when a few minutes had passed and the texture was still hot to the touch.
The clock was ticking and so was his will to live.
Tired of running through the apartment, he decided that he couldn’t wait anymore and put his hand to work. In front of him, now displayed on the little living room table, was the hot-n-cold mixture, a little spoon full of butter, a small dish full of brown sprinkles, a clean plate waiting for perfect round chocolate balls and his cellphone playing some random youtube video he found about “How To Roll The Perfect Brigadeiro” - guess you don’t really need to know portuguese in times like this.
So, like a conductor about to present the most important concert of his life, Tobio Kageyama felt ready to face one of his biggest villains, a challenge greater than his career itself. He carefully picked a little amount of butter with his index finger and spreaded all over his palm, millimetrically. Mentaly, he played a cheerful tone to calm himself. This surely will be the best birthday gift Hinata ever received.
And then, he began. With wet hands, he carefully selected a small amount of the chocolate paste and started to form a small ball. He worked with precision and care, as in a way to make something so absolutely perfect that an Olympic setter could set the little ball in perfect motion to score the final point they needed to win the match. When he was satisfied enough, Kageyama dropped his creation in a sea of brown sprinkles, drowning them, making sure everything was covered.
He repeated this routine for quite a while, without even realizing time flowing by his hands. The pace he found to accomplish such a mundane task turned out to be an eye-to-eye conversation with God, who guided him in a pained and anguished prayer, as if he were about to defeat his last opponent in a war that had gone on for years. He had received the deepest and most spiritual call and there he was, giving himself little by little, as if this were his last act as a human being on earth, before ascending to the spirit world.
And time flew by, slipping through his hands as his little creations. Oh, what a shame he once doubted his own abilities to make such beautiful art. Oh , what a sinner he was to commit such a crime as almost burning such divine creation. He was the chosen one, the one who would conquer the world with just his hands, and carry all those last romantic ones to a path full of love and light and creativity and…
“What are you doing?”
Like receiving a punch in his gut, Kageyama jumped up to the sky. He was dragged from his dream by a very familiar voice he hadn't expected to hear anytime soon.
“What are you doing?”
“ I asked you first.” Hinata had a playful smile on his face, tilting his head to the side to peek at what his boyfriend was doing.
“Why are you here? How did you get into my house?” Kageyama tried to shield his creations with his body, extending his arms like a child protecting a puppy.
“What do you mean? You gave me a spare key years ago!” Shouyou started to approach him slowly. “And my lunch with the guys from MSBY ended earlier than I expected, so I came here right away.” He stopped, hands in his jeans pockets. “It’s that too bad?”
“Not bad just...early”.
“I can leave if that’s what you want” He pointed to the door “I mean, it’s my birthday and everything but if that’s what you want…”
“No, just…” Kageyama accepted defeat and slumped his shoulders, feeling all the fatigue of the day sinking in. “I just wanted everything to be perfect and you ruined it, as always.”
Hinata just smiled and continued to walk toward him. He made a funny face when he looked at Tobio’s creations, but didn’t say anything yet, just slowly started to sink by his side. “Care to explain to me what this is?”
Kageyama realized that he didn’t stop to admire his work until now. Feeling proud of himself, he lifted his chin and picked up the plate to say, with mouth full, his victory speech and…
Oh, dear God.
Oh...dear...God…
What the cook was expecting to see was perfectly round shaped chocolate balls covered in sprinkles. However, what was actually in front of him were different kinds of blobs falling apart. Tobio opened and closed his mouth several times, shifting his gaze between Hinata (who was looking at him with a huge question mark on his face) and the brigadeiros, questioning all his life choices up to this point.
When did all fall apart? When was the moment he started to create abominations and not a masterpiece? What about that conversation he had with God? Was he pranking him?
“Did you tried to make brigadeiros?” Hinata’s voice was calm, but Kageyama knew he was holding back his laugh as long as he could. “Why?”
“I can explain…” He could in fact, but saying out loud sounded foolish to him.
“Then do, please”
Shit .
“Iwantedtowinthistimebutthingsdidn’tgoasplanned”
“You what? I don’t understand dumbass language.”
Kageyama took a deep breath, accepting defeat. “I wanted to win this time, but things didn’t go as planned.”
Shouyou started laughing with his whole chest, that kind of laugh that makes the floor shake. He rested a hand on Kageyama's shoulder, seeking stability as he wiped tears on his shirt sleeve. In all its history, the setter has never felt so humiliated and so disbelieving in the existence of any divine entity that one day set out to help humanity.
“And those were supposed to be brigadeiros?”
“Yes” the answer came in the form of a whisper, but he was sure his boyfriend heard, because he was close to having a heart attack caused by excess laughing at this point.
Well, he lived a fun and nice life, up to now. What was he supposed to do? Maybe it’s time to pack his bags and move to a place far away, search for an underground volleyball team and live the rest of his time on earth with a new name and a new haircut. Who knows, maybe he could dye it blond!
“Ok, wait...Let me breathe for a second” As if he were a terrible actor in a cheap school play, Hinata pretended to be taking a deep breath, the more noise the better. “They are not...that bad?” He picked one up, with his fingertips. “When Nice teached me how to do it, they were worse than this”.
“Then why are you laughing so much you piece of shit?”
Another pitch high laugh came out from Shoyo’s mouth “Because you can't even make instant ramen yourself and you really thought you could make something you don't even know what it tastes like!”
Kageyama just answered with a mumble, wanting to open a hole on the floor and leave this place immediately. He could never imagine that this moment would be even worse than his adventure in the little Brazilian market.
“You know what's funnier?” Hinata pointed to the weird looking balls with his chin. “You can eat this with a spoon, there's no need to roll them.”
“You’re lying.”
“I swear on my volleyball career.” The answer was serious, but the grin spreading through his face wasn’t. “They even eat while it’s hot!”
“Oh, shut up! ” Tobio made a disgusted face, holding himself back from smacking Hinata on the head. “Stop teasing me and eat already.”
Shouyou raised his hands, as a sign of defeat. With his eyebrows raised and drowning Kageyama with his amused, spontaneous look, the opposite hitter reached to the most weird looking brigadeiro he could find and shoved it into his mouth.
How could there be someone who chewed so slowly and totally expressionless? How many minutes have passed? Twenty? Forty? It was as if Kageyama's world was on the verge of collapse and Hinata was still there, moving the mixture through all of his mouth, activating all of his taste buds.
“Did you put sugar in this?” His mouth was full, his front teeth covered in chocolate.
“ No? ” Yes.
“Yeah, right!” Hinata chewed a little bit more, looking at his boyfriend with a strange look. “You can taste the crystals.”
“Well, sue me!” Shouyou just snorted, swallowing the dessert. “So?!”
“You definitely cooked something.”
“That’s not an answer.”
“Well, congrats?” He started to drift away from Tobio, as if he was ready to run away. “I am really glad that you spent time making this for me?”
“ That is not an answer .”
Hinata sighs, playing with a little lost sprinkle that fell on the table. “It’s not...bad.”
“But it’s not good either.”
“I didn’t say that.”
“So is it good?”
If you squint your eyes enough, you could see all the mathematical equations floating around Hinata as he tried to come up with a plausible answer that said everything he was thinking without hurting his boyfriend. “Why don’t you taste for yourself?”
And so, he did. With a wave of irritation flowing through his entire body, Kageyama thought it would be best to shove any brigadeiro in his mouth as quickly as possible and get it over with all this drama, with all the humiliation he'd had to face all day.
Nothing could describe the taste that overwhelmed his entire digestive system. It was a mixture of something very, very sweet, but with a bitter, weird aftertaste. In his teeth, small fragments of burnt condensed milk and sugar began to dwell, causing some discomfort. And to top it off, the taste of butter enveloped his tongue, turning his gastronomic journey into one of his biggest disasters.
It was true, Tobio had never tasted a brigadeiro in his life. Even when he went to Brazil a few times to visit Hinata, he ended up eating a little of everything, except that dessert, since the redhead wouldn't let him try any other than the one Nice made but she was always very busy with the kids.
But any alien who stepped on earth for the first time and dared to try this delicacy he had cooked would know, in a mere two seconds, that he most certainly had the recipe wrong. And terribly wrong, as if he had selected the ingredients in the dark.
“It’s the worst thing I ever tasted.” Kageyama answered, with distant eyes. He was looking nowhere, as if his mind had shut down, his brain had stopped functioning.
“Don’t be dramatic”
“I am ashamed of myself.”
“Stop, please” Hinata moved Kageyama a little, forcing him to face his eyes. With a tight grasp on his shoulders, he speaked in a firm voice. “Stop being a drama king.”
Kageyama just accepted defeat, sending all his nervous bones to the floor. He stayed there, looking to the ceiling, as he listened to Hinata chewing again.
“You know” Shouyou started to say, while swallowing, “it's not so bad when you try it for the second time.”
“Why are you doing this to me?” Tobio cried without tears, rubbing his eyes with the palm of his hands. “I made a fool of myself to the Brazilian lady with no reason at all.”
Hinata laughs sincerely, joining his boyfriend on the floor, tangling their joints together. They stayed there, for a minute, just hearing each other breathe.
“Hey” Shouyou broke the silence, “I really loved it. It was the worst thing I ever tasted? Yes. But you did it yourself, so bonus points to that.”
Kageyama lifted his head, surprised. An enormous grin started to run across his face, in an urge of pride and happiness. “So that means that I won?”
Hinata screamed, barely containing himself. “For God’s sake, no! You lost. Terribly.” He smacked Tobio’s belly, who just clicked his tongue, annoyed. “You better buy me something good, or this will count as one win for me!”
“That doesn’t even make sense!”
“Of course it does! I had to eat this terrible thing! I could have died!”
Kageyama acted fast, muffling Hinata’s laugh with a cushion. They stayed there, laughing and pillow fighting, as the sun slowly started to go down. In the end, Hoshiumi was wrong: he wasn’t dumped when he gifted Shouyou with some new gym shorts. He actually won this time.