Chapter Text
It all had started when ladybug didn't show up at their schedule time and place for their weekly patrol. And that was the third time it happened in the span of the last month. Chat felt his anger boiling when an hour passed and still there was no sight of his lady . Part of him still hoped that she would show up ,after all she had promised him that it wouldn't happen again.
Things have been different between them ,but at least the patrols hadn't changed -yet. He doesn't know why their balance has shifted , and that makes him more mad than anything else. Yeah, seeing Rena Rouge taking up an essential place in their team was a shock to him at first but he reasoned that ladybug had her reasons and she would explain soon. So he waited .But the explanation never came , and he watched as Ladybug trusted Rena with tasks that he normally did .
He watched them arriving together in the acuma attacks and leaving him behind when everything was back in order . He couldn't remember when was the last time that he fought an acuma with just his lady . The extra help was sure welcome but he needed his questions answered and specifically the most persistent one .How this girl that showed up from nowhere seemed to gain ladybug's trust so fast and why he was left on the side more and more often? .
His anger wasn't towards Rena .She honestly seemed cool and she was indeed helpful . All he wanted was to know was was going on .If ladybug gave him a heads up that "hey , I'm bringing this girl to our team because we need help ,how do you feel about this?" , if he was part of the decision making everything would be different right now.
She just seemed to not have time for him whatsoever. The only time he ever saw her nowdays was when an acuma attack occurred. He had stopped asking for her time long ago . He just wants answers and the decency to inform him when she doesn’t show up at patrol . He deserves at least a text , when he is covering her duties for almost a month now.
As the second hour of him waiting started to end , he decided that he would do the patrol alone but for the last time . He wouldn't sit back and watch ladybug treat him like an employ . No he was done waiting . He honestly could use a break .
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Three days later he recessives an alert from ladybug to meet up at their spot . He decides to go but only because she said that they were going to be just the two of them . When he gets close to their meet up stop he sees her right away . He can tell by the stance of her body that something is bugging her -pun not intended – and he has a good idea of what that may be .
“Hey” he says . Plain and simple , no puns, no nicknames. She turns to look at him , and if eyes could kill hers would be the death of him . He knows that she is cross with him , he also knows that she is probably right to be cross with him .But he is angry at her too. And when the effect she has on him passes he is very aware of how much anger he holds inside him .
"where were you ?" ladybug asked with a rather annoyed tone in her voice . Chat chuckles at her question .
" Where was I?" He manages to say feeling his face heat up .
"Yes Chat , where were you last night when the acuma happened? " the girl with the red suit says but with a rather irritated look on her face ,because her question was still unanswered.
It all goes downhill from that moment. He knows what is about to come and he can’t stop it . He has stayed quiet for too long .
" Maybe you should ask yourself that . Because if we are counting , where were you the past 3 times that you stood me up when we had patrol?" Chat says. Did she seriously thought that she was in a position to complain about his absence? .
"This is different and you know it " She points out with a stern face.
" i really don't find any differences to be honest" He says unbothered to defend himself further.
" Ha- I cant believe you can be so immature" She lifts her hands in frustration.
"Fine - yeah label me how may you please , immature , irresponsible , careless . I don't care” “i don't have to keep proving myself to you" He says in a cold tone that Ladybug hasn't hear him use again .
" Well yeah it's pretty irresponsible from you to leave me alone fighting an acuma because i didn't show up on patrol a few times"
"You have your friend Rena ,don't you?" He says sounding more bitter than he intended to.
" ohhhh so that's what this is all about huh??" ladybug almost laughs ,she thinks she might be going crazy hearing this words from her partner.
"what?" Chat noir says more annoyed now from her reaction to his remark .
"Rena Rouge has been so helpful to us , you seriously did not complain about her just now ? " Ladybug says " i honestly never thought that you would get so low Chat .I didn't expect that from you".She stares at him with a mix of disappointment and anger . He hates the look her face has right now, but his build up anger takes control of him .
"And what did you expect from me ?? " he feels his voice rising but he cant stop it anymore . " Did you expect from me to just sit back and be ok with everything ? Be ok by you handing a miraculous to a stranger without even asking me how i feel about it ?" His blood is boiling but he feels good to finally say aloud the things he's been keeping .
“But sureee Rena Rouge is so helpful that I don’t get a say in anything ” Chat looks at her and it’s almost comical to him that the girl he would give up anything in the world for is the one that can make him so mad at the same time .
“I’m the guardian , aren’t I ?” She says and immediately regrets it . He looks like she just slapped him in the face.
“ I thought we were partners” Chat noir says unable to conceal the hurt she causes him.
“ I didn’t mean it like that – Just let me explain” Shit . Ladybug knows that was unfair to say to him , and if she could take back her words she would in a moment , But his actions have upset her so much that she doesn’t think rationally anymore. Chat turns his back to her and is ready to leave from the roof they’ve been standing .She makes another attempt to get him to listen to her- to fix her mistake “Wait Chat – please just let me explain” Ladybug pleads but that only makes Chat even more furious .
"What don’t you understand ? I'm done waiting for you to explain .I'm done waiting for you to come to patrol .I'm done making excuses for you and for the way you've been acting " He pauses and let a sigh escape him .His gaze meets hers and instantly he regrets shouting at her , so he lowers his voice . " You changed everything between us ,and didn't even bother include me in the process" .
Ladybug is frozen in her place by his sudden outrage and doesn't dare to speak yet .
It hurts him to say the next part , part of him thinks that if ladybug hears him say it, she will realize its the truth -if she doesn't think it already , so he pauses takes a deep breath and with closed eyes says "If you dont need me anymore , if you have found a way to fight Hawkmooth without me ,then tell me because i cant do this anymore" His heart is pounding in his chest and the silence that follows is killing him as he anticipates her answer.
Her frustration with him has vanished in front of her partners despair . "Chat noir I-" She shakes her head and walks closer to him ,lifting her eyes to meet his . She needs him to see that she means every word that she says. "I'm sorry for making you feel this way- I didn't know " Ladybug takes a breath " You know that you are irreplaceable to me and there is no Ladybug without her Chat noir"
"You always say that my lady ,but when it comes to prove that by actions you never do" he responds calmly despite feeling his insides ripping apart. He is still angry at her , but now he feels mostly sad . Sad because he realizes that things will never be the same. She opens her mouth to respond but he beats her to it by speaking first
"Don't say a lame excuse just to make me feel better . Just don't- "
"If you knew what i've been through since i became guardian you wouldn't be so harsh " Ladybug says with trembling voice
"BUt i asked you " Chat feels his frustration growing once again "i was trying to be there for you and you kept shutting me out every time"
"fuck " he sighs under his breath and runs his hands to his hair trying to contain himself "You don't get to accuse me that i didn't know , because i tried so hard to be by your side and you wouldn't let me”
She hates this version of Chat noir . He has never spoke to her this way. She knows part of the blame falls in her shoulders , if she could turn back time she would trust him with more instead of letting all the new weight of responsibilities crush her. But she is also done , she is tired and she cant take it anymore. And having Chat in front of her telling her that she failed him is breaking her heart even more .She feels hot tears gathering at the corners of her eyes but she doesn't want him to see .
Crying isn't the solution to her problems and she hates crying in front of him , especially now. She finds the strength to speak again
.
" Hurting you was the last of my intentions Chat. You are everything to me " she says with soft voice and walks closer to him . She reaches to hold his hand .
" The one thing that got me going all this time was that i could count on you , that we filled in for each other - I'm sorry that you feel this way .I really need you Chat . I cant lose you and i cant do this without you." She looks at him catching his gaze but then she turns her head and pulls away her hand as she continues .
"But you lose faith in me so easily , i thought we didn't need to say this things constantly . I thought you understood me or at least could understand more than anyone else." He wants to protest, he didn't lose faith easily, he kept his feelings for himself until he couldn't anymore .Ladybug notices he is about to speak so she does first
"please let me finish " She sounds tired Chat notices , the anger and the shouting is gone . He wants to hold her , he wants everything back to the way it was . Chat knows that this is hard to both of them , but it needed to be done because soon somebody would end up accumatized . So he listens and keeps his distance.
"i feel like I'm constantly failing ,I'm exhausted and overwhelmed from everything " The tears once again gather in her eyes " I barely sleep trying to balance between my normal life and the guardian responsibilities. I didn't ask for any of this . Master fu just made me guardian and left us alone with no guidance " She is now crying and cant stop it . When Chat notices he tries to hold her in his arms but she pulls away.
"i know , i know bugaboo and i don't blame you for that. I never would " he says trying to make her feel better
With a shaking voice ladybug continues like she didn't heard him "I almost lost all my friends and drove away with my lies the only boy that made me feel less miserable"
Chat tries not to be hurt by the mention of the other boy because this isn’t the problem now -despite all his efforts it stings him a bit but doesn't interrupt her.
"Rena rouge - I know her in real life" She explains " it was the only solution , if she wasn't here helping us ,if she didn't know my identity , i would have destroyed my real life . I just couldn't keep the lie anymore "
The words she speaks hit Chat like arrows . Ladybug continues speaking but he doesn't hear her anymore . His head is buzzing while he processes the new information .
He thought he knew what it felt to be hurt when he was been left behind . He thought he knew pain when he jumped in front of acumas and they sent him crashing into walls . He thought he knew hurt every time he was wronged by his father . He thought he knew pain when she turned down every effort he made to show his love . But this was a whole new level of pain that he never felt before.
" You revealed her your identity ?" Is all he can say without completely loosing it . He cant even look at her.
"Chat i thought you knew that i did-" She looks at him with agony and more tears in her eyes.
"i have to go" he flatly says and jumps off the roof they have been standing for the past hour without looking back .
"CHAT -please " he hears ladybug crying but he doesn't care . He has to get out of there immediately.
Ladybug falls to her knees and buries her face in her hands trying to stop the sobs that escape her . How did she messed up so much ?