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Clementine is never kidding whenever she proudly proclaims that she's the 'Number One Lovejoy Fan'. Being close friends with the lead singer and knowing all the unreleased songs might give her an unfair advantage, sure- she was the first one to subscribe to the Band's youtube channel after all- but she feels she's truly earned the title for herself.
She'd stream their music every single day, no matter the task she's doing. Getting ready for the day, going on walks, editing vlogs, travelling for vlogs, showering. Name a time and place, and she was probably humming along to some roughly recorded demo of a barely-written song. Wilbur would often tease her about how much of a little sister she was for that, being so enthusiastic about her big brother-figures indie band, but she had better things to do than pretending to be annoyed. Better things like listening to more Lovejoy.
It's not like Clem can not listen to them at all, exactly. She personally gets handed every unreleased version of every song for a test-listen at almost every stage in their development. And though she technically only has to listen to them once or twice and give some feedback, she can't resist giving each a hundred listens more. Sue her for thinking Wilbur's good at writing music.
She's developed some favourites over time, too. A lot of favourites. She tends to gravitate most towards the energetic tracks. Ones about going out drinking, talking to girls, and generally having fun. Sarcastic ones about nuanced topics or characters with a more rock atmosphere are also pretty high up on the list. But she does have a bit more trouble getting into the slower tracks. Not by a lot, she still ends up liking most of the ones she hears, but they're something she has to focus on more for them to work for her.
'Paper Beds' was one of the slower bunch from the demos, and by far one of her least favourites. It was an acoustic piece, with themes so blatant she was left confused as to how Wilbur, the world-renowned perfection freak, let himself be so on-the-nose. The guitar parts fell flat, so much so that even Ash's bassline couldn't save it. At the end of the day, she thought it was a little boring. It never made its way into any of her daily soundtracks, and the only time she listened back to it was when Wilbur asked her about it, because she forgot what it sounded like. She also deliberately didn't listen to subsequent demos she was given of the song, responding only with the occasional random piece of advice she pulled out her ass, and so many more '👍sounds good Will' messages.
So when the newest Lovejoy LP came out later that year, she didn't think much of its inclusion on the track-listing. It was listed as second-to-last out of the eleven songs total, and its name blended in so much amongst the others she initially didn't see it. She didn't really care for it anyway, especially when it was sandwiched between some of Lovejoy's best work thus far, in her opinion.
The day of the release, Wilbur and the band invited her and some other friends to a little listening party to celebrate the album's release, where Clementine would be listening to the album in proper order for the first time. She could so barely hold in her excitement about the event that she stepped out of Ranboo's car the moment it approached the apartment complex while he was still driving, giving both him and Tubbo a mild heart attack in the process. Although she deemed it worth it, it did mean she was doing all the dishes for the rest of the week.
The party itself was casual, and everyone mainly sat around eating the various snacks on the table and talking as they waited for all the guests to arrive. Wilbur upgraded his living conditions to a nicer (less broken) apartment after the first album performed phenomenally well, meaning he also had a lot more high-quality music-listening equipment- the centrepiece of his collection being an elaborately-decorated, vintage-replica record player. Where they'd all be hearing the album.
Once the last of Wilburs friends arrived, everyone seated themselves on the sofas around the machine, and watched him take the record from the shelves below it and out of its sleeve. As soon as the needle hit the grooves of the first song, Clem was hooked. Knowing every song off by heart, she tried her hardest not to sing along but she gave up when the record was flipped onto its b-side. They were all exactly what she loved in Lovejoy, and the energy was so contagious everyone was bopping along.
When Paper Beds came on, Clem could hardly breathe. She didn't even recognize it at first. It followed on from the previous song almost seamlessly, the synth of the track turning into a delicate string arrangement, which soon was accompanied by soft electric guitar chords. When Wilbur's voice sounded through the speakers was when she caught herself gasp in awe. Not only was his tone noticeably richer and gentler than the demo, the lyrics were also reworked. They actually worked, now that they were more subtle. What was first a forgettable folk song became this incredibly sensitive spacey pop-ballad. holy shit.
As the verses went on, she felt swelling in her chest, and the sensation tightening with each diminished chord, or every particularly beautiful violin line. For all its duration she could only sit there in astonishment, not realising when the next song had also started to play. When it ended, the group started clapping, and broke Clem out of her trance at the harsh noise. She joined in the applause, slapping her hands so hard together they started turning red.
It was fair to say she really liked the album.
----
"BOYS!" It was now two days after, as Clem yelled in her mic, voice gruff after years of perfecting her signature opener. "Welcome back! How are we doing? Hopefully I'll be streaming a bit more regularly- I've been a bit busy recently. But now I'm here!"
She read the chat carefully as she hummed to some music, looking for a conversation starter, a topic to get the stream rolling.
"Tommy, what did you think of the Lovejoy album? Man I-'' She had to pause for a second, thinking of an appropriate response. Trying not to think too much too about the use of the name- she forgot she was still publicly 'Tommy' for a second. "I fucking loved it. They really outdid themselves from the last one. And that one was already an S Tier in my opinion," She chuckled, "But I am their number one fan after all, so of course I love it." She went on for a few more minutes, praising each of the band members and gushing over the instrumentation. Eventually, she actually started the stream: it was another of her Animal Crossing series she started a week prior, to force herself to stream more often.
As highly as she regarded the album, she made sure she didn't tell the chat the biggest part of her enjoyment of it, and the biggest reason why she hasn't listened back to the majority of the songs since the party. If they asked her about Paper Beds, she avoided it. She knew she would go on for too long about it and would push an otherwise one hour stream to be over three hours. It would be overall embarrassing.
Because there was just something about that damn song. She didn't understand it, really. She didn't understand why she had been looping it for 12 hours straight before the stream, nor why it made her feel like her chest burned in shades of purple and indigo. The way the instruments flowed and Wilbur's voice filled her ears made her feel more and more sickly… but in a good way. As if she could drown and choke on the feeling, never wanting to escape.
But she did understand one thing, that whatever this feeling was, this all-encompassing, mysterious wave- she wanted to mold herself in its image.
Maybe the closest words she knew that could match this were Gender Envy. Even before she knew she was trans, Clem would be hit with a similar punch to the gut when looking at various women from TV shows, YouTube, the odd magazine her mother brought home, even girls from school made her feel this. The beauty they seemed to so-naturally possess (even if most were heavily edited or had completely transformed themselves with makeup). The softness, the curves, the fashion often too. She was still surprised she hadn't realised that she herself might've been a girl sooner, from the intensity of those feelings.
Despite the striking similarities in the emotions, Clem didn't even know if a song could count as something you could get Gender Envy from. But seeing how she pretty much glued herself to her laptop late last night, trying to find the right shade of jumper to represent the songs lavender sounding strings, and skirt to match the dark azure bassline- she felt the feelings matched enough.
The stream was rather uneventful. She had fun, sure, she even got around to inviting a villager she's been wanting for a while! But the majority of her time was spent running around, and digging up the occasional fossil. Even Tubbo failed to show up, probably forgetting his promise to come on Clem's stream and visit her island. She didn't hold that against him though, and ended the stream after she hit the 2 hour mark in a relaxed state. The intro to the vod for her Vod Channel she filmed right after was noticeably calmer too.
The peace in her studio didn't last too long though. Right as she was about to sink into her seat, and as she hovered her mouse over the spotify icon, probably to just start looping Paper Beds again, She jumped from the sudden ringing beside her. Someone was calling her (on discord, nethertheless, so it could be anyone). She snatched the phone from the desk, fully expecting to see some anime profile picture with the user name 'nya baby' trying to call her, but to her relief it wasn't. She sighed.
"Just Will…" With that, she accepted the call, pressing the glass screen against her ear. It was covered by her hair, which she realised was growing out more. A pleasant surprise.
"Clementine!"
"Wilbur, my man!" She opened her studio door and headed straight for the stairs, trying to make it to her room as fast as possible. Gaming chairs may be cushioned, but you can't lie on them like a bed.
"Just saw your stream, by the way. I have some opinions," Even through the graininess of a phone call, Wilbur's jokingly flat tone still managed to be one hundred percent audible.
"Oh yeah? What'd you think of it?" She flopped down onto her pillows and blankets, ready to go along with whatever Wilbur threw at her.
"It sucked,"
"Ok…" she cleared her throat, making a mental note to fetch herself a warm drink later. Some tea or coffee might be nice, "So you liked it then?"
"Yeah I really liked it. Don't worry," Wilbur giggled to himself, making Clem smile. Fake-bullying antics like these were such a staple to their every interaction that they went from being annoying and causing a strike of anxiety in the back of Clem's head, to just pleasantly familiar. Who could even consider that tone all that serious for more than a few weeks anyway?
"Wasn't even worried. So, what're you'z up to?" She nestled herself deeper in her blankets and rested her head on her headboard. An old plushie even found itself being snuggled in her arm.
"Resting. Honestly, Ems, I beg you- don't ever get into music as a job," He exhaled, clearly tired. "I went out today to a Costa in a fucking trenchcoat and sunhat. Just so I wouldn't get paparazzi'ed or something. You have it so good, Ems, you only work on the internet. Cherish it."
Clem chuckled along with Wilburs Exasperated laugh. She knew she was merely lucky to only have her audience and some confused mums come up to her in town and in the middle of Tescos beans' aisles. Wilbur couldn't go outside without the fear of being photographed without his consent at least 10 separate times.
Lovejoy sort of spiraled into super-stardom in the U.K. after their first album at the end of 2021, touring the whole country and a bit of the U.S. right at the boom. They appeared on magazines, radio, TV, Gen Z targeted news outlets, even getting a shoutout from the fucking BBC on a live broadcast for some reason. Some huge record they broke was notable enough for national news it seemed. As proud of Will she was, she was eternally glad she didn't have half of what he had.
"Anyway, enough about me. I've ranted way too much about this to you already, and who am I to complain anyway? I'm living the dream!" Wilbur tried to sound brighter- he really did seem like he did- but it couldn't erase the pure exhaustion and frantic edge in his words. Clem hoped he was doing alright. "How've you been since the party?"
"Oh, I'm alright," She glanced across the room to see her laptop still on, dimmed on an Urban Outfitters page displaying an overpriced purple-hued sweater. She really ought to have turned it off before falling asleep. "Seeing women. Doing various hard drugs like heroin and marijuana. Y'know me, on the grind and all that."
"Yeah? I've seen your spotify thing on discord. You're really liking the album right now, aren't you?"
She paused for a second, considering. "Uh… yeah. It's really good, Will. I-"
"To be fair, I've only seen you listening to Paper Beds. Is that your new favourite now? You've moved on from perfume, I see," Wilbur said, teasing the younger. She couldn't really deny it, could she? He saw it himself. And this was Wilbur afterall. One of her closest friends, basically her bigger brother after all these years- the first person she ever came out to too. She knew telling him her feelings wouldn't have any negative consequences. Besides, it's his song. If anything, he'd be flattered.
Weighing her options, she made up her mind.
"Yeah, I really love it. I, uh…" She breathed in, "I kinda haven't stopped looping it."
"Wow, it's that good?"
"Mhm. I- Can I be a little, uh, mushy for a sec?" She received a hum of approval from will, and went on, "it makes me feel like it's what I'm meant to be..? It's a bit weird, like it makes me all jealous and pretty and shit…"
"Oh? Go on, and it's not weird," Wilbur said, sounding like he was trying to figure it out, the feeling.
She sighed. "Ugh, man, I don't know. It's like I wanna fucking look like it, like embody it- but like- in a girl way? Like It's a soft and shit and I want that so bad, and it gives me this rush and-!" Clem groaned, her words uncertain if her words correctly conveyed the feeling. It was too nebulous.
"Emmy, you are already the softest of girls I've ever seen, I mean it," she grinned, "But I guess I kinda see where you're coming from, though I haven't really felt it myself. And hey, uh, it's alright. Have you been sleeping? Or taking care of yourself? You have been listening to the song quite a lot."
"Yeah, Will, I have. Y'know you can listen to a song while doing other stuff, right?"
"Right, just making sure. I mean last I saw you were listening to it at 4am."
"Shut up and let a girl yearn,"
The call went more casually after that, Clem deciding she didn't really wanna dwell too much on the song, and went to discuss the rest of the album. Wilbur kept talking about which areas were changed because of Clem's advice as she defended her choices. They were good. The indie pop scene simply wouldn't be the same without her brilliant idea of having a banjo riff accompany a wall of synths.
Eventually, they decided to finish earlier than usual. Wilbur was still tired from the day, and Clem's post-stream state was finally settling in, encasing her in a warm, sleepy cocoon. She made a mental note to listen to her song first thing tomorrow, right before she dozed off.
And Wilbur Soot fell asleep with a plan.