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Marinette stared out the window unseeing. It was a fairly foggy day, no bright happy sun out to lift everyone's mood. Just regular fall clouds and the occasional drizzle that would paint the buildings and streets. By some stupid coincidence, the weather matched her mood frighteningly well. Everything was grey and unfeeling. It had a perfect level of neutrality.
Slowly, as if afraid to put in any more energy than necessary, she leaned back and pushed the window open. The light raindrops tapped against her face as she leaned out. A soft breeze made her shiver.
Shuffling sounded out behind her and a soft creak rang out. Marinette didn't bother looking at the trap door, figuring it was one of her parents checking on her. Instead she continued to gaze out at the horizon and cobblestone roads below her. A softer creak singled that the door was closed.
"Hey girl...you okay?" Alya asked quietly. She walked over and wrapped her arm around her friend's shoulders.
Marinette didn't respond so Alya joined her in looking out her window. The two of them stayed silent for a while, both waiting for the other to say something. Neither of them did, however. They simply watched the clouds overhead slowly move and the people below walk swiftly on the sidewalks. Everyone seemed to have somewhere to be, a purpose in the moment or overall. It made Marinette feel mournful. They didn't know what they were missing by constantly rushing. Maybe that's why she couldn't look away from them.
"I brought some snacks, if you're hungry."
"I'm not," Marinette mumbled. "Thanks though."
Her friend sighed.
"You have to eat girl. I can go ask your parents to make your favorite if you want?"
She smiled, Alya really was an amazing friend.
"No, no it's ok. I'll eat eventually don't worry."
"Marinette-" Alya pulled Marinette to face her "-you know that isn't possible for me to do."
The intensity on her friend's face finally made her laugh lightly. If anyone knew the lengths Alya would go because she was worried it was Marinette. She was by far the most determined person Marinette had ever met, especially when it came to her friends.
"Trust me I'm well aware Alya." She turned and closed the window.
"Good, then you'll eat, right?"
She sighed, a smile still on her lips.
"Sure, what'd you bring."
The two walked over to the center of Marinette's room and surveyed the stash. A mixture of sugary pastries, fruit, two Croque-monsieur sandwiches, and a variety of other snacks was laid out on a platter. She grabbed a few strawberries and a chocolate eclair, ever the sweet tooth. Alya brought over a few pillows and they sat down to eat. Neither of them talked as they munched on the delicious food. In all honesty, it did feel good to eat something. Marinette had unintentionally skipped breakfast and almost lunch. She hadn't really thought about it, kind of lost in a daze all morning.
Her mind had been plagued with memories and unwanted thoughts for a while now, this morning seemed to be the worst of it though. After attempting to do homework or design, she had realized it was going to be one of those days. The kind of days where her thoughts were everywhere except at the task in front of her. So Marinette had resigned to wandering aimlessly around her room, settling on her bed first before impulsively moving to her window. Had Alya not shown up when she did, Marinette probably would have stayed staring at her window for another hour or so. But at least she was here now.
They continued to eat until the platter was completely empty. Now that both girls were satisfyingly full, they moved to Marinette's bed and laid down. For whatever reason, she couldn't bring herself to say anything. She instead turned over so she was facing her best friend and stared. Alya turned too and offered her a soft smile.
"Feeling better?"
"A little," she responded truthfully.
They fell into yet another silence. The girls stared at each other.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Alya asked softly, as if not to disturb the moment. "Whatevers bugging you?"
She did, she really really did. There wasn't too much holding her back either. The minute Marinette opened her mouth to tell her, to spill her deepest fears onto her best friend, images of a partner in all white and her own greyed reflection flashed across her mind. How could she explain to Alya what she saw? Tell her about the world Marinette was promptly thrown into without warning? It just didn't seem fair.
So instead she turned back over and stared at the ceiling.
"I don't want to bother you with it," Marinette muttered.
Alya's gaze burned into the side of her head but she refused to turn, knowing she would give in if she did. It wasn't fair to keep her best friend in the dark but this just seemed too much. Her identity Alya could handle, the nightmares and trauma that raged throughout her mind? She wasn't sure.
"You wouldn't be bothering me Marinette. You don't have to keep all this shit to yourself you know."
Marinette continued to stare at the ceiling and contemplate her options. Her resolve was holding strong but she could feel the cracks in it.
"You aren't alone anymore."
There is was. No matter how hard she would try, deep down Marinette wanted to pour her heart out. Give herself a rest from everything building in her head. All she had needed was a little push and the wall shattered.
It took her a few times but eventually Marinette was able to form a coherent sentence.
"I don't...I-I'm just too tired Alya!" She felt herself shake as her breathing became uneven. "I'm so t-tired of feeling so many things. I don't want to remember anymore!"
Alya pulled her close and hugged her. Marinette fell against her friend. She wasn't crying, surprisingly enough, just shaking. Instead of a thickness in her throat from tears, she felt dry and empty. As if there were no tears for her to cry anymore. Everything just felt heavy.
"What don't you want to remember?"
They fell quiet as she tried to figure out how to tell her.
After a while she settled on, "Him. I'm so, so, tired of remembering him."
"Can you tell me his name girl?" Alya pulled away a little so they could be eye to eye, not that Marinette would actually meet her gaze.
"His name was Chat Blanc. And I had to fight him. My own partner."
"Oh, you poor thing," Alya whispered. "When did this happen?"
Bile rose in her throat but Marinette pushed it down.
"I was with Bunnix...she said she needed help. So I went to another timeline, where Chat was akumatized." She didn't stop even after hearing her friend softly gasp. "The entire world was destroyed. The moon was split in half and the streets were flooded! E-everyone was gone."
She hiccuped and kept going. "I saw myself while I was there too. I was ash...just sitting there in the water before floating there. I looked so scared."
"Keep going, I'm here."
Marinette took a few deep breaths, trying to regain any semblance of composure she had. The moment she spoke, however, her voice broke.
"He knew my name! He knew me, and he said he loved me. 'It was our love that had broke the world' he had said."
"Jesus..."
"A-and he looked so sad. There was nothing behind his eyes Alya, all I saw was blue," she nearly whispered. "There wasn't any Chat Noir left in him. Not until I cured it all. I won but he still looked so upset."
"Do you know why he was akumatized?"
She shook her head. "No. All I know is we knew our identities then, and I think that had something to do with it."
"You think him knowing got him akumatized?"
"Maybe-" Marinette leaned further into Alya's arms, seeking warmth "-I'm not sure anymore."
Alya didn't respond so they fell into silence. Both girls were stuck in thought, still thinking over the words said. The world Marinette painted was brutal, so it took Alya some time to really comprehend the situation with what she knew. She was pretty sure the designer was sparing her some details but all that managed to do was leave her a tab bit confused.
"Did you...did you tell Chat this?"
"No, you're the first person who knows."
Alya sighed, "Girl, you should have told him."
"It seemed like too much! I didn't want to hurt him."
"It would definitely shock him but," she paused, "he'd move on. Maybe even help you do the same. Not that I'm opposed to doing that."
Alya was quick to correct herself, recognizing how hard it was for her friend to tell even her. Marinette went quiet for a little bit.
"It's your information to share girl, I'll be here for you either way. You know that."
She looked down and offered Marinette a warm smile.
"Yeah, I know."
Marinette smiled lightly as well before hugging Alya tighter. She chuckled and returned the force.
"Can we just stay like this for a while though?"
"Of course, whatever the hero needs."
She laughed for the second time that day. 'Thank god for friends like Alya' she thought.