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There wasn’t any feeling comparable to being completely fucking smashed.
The pleasant buzzing behind her eyes, the slight touch of dizziness, the way the world seemed to spin and blur around the edges every time she turned her head— she didn’t feel it often , but when she did… man , did she ever enjoy it.
One of the many perks of having a bootlegger as a best friend.
Said bootlegger was currently sprawled out beside her, bottle of shitty moonshine in his hand and eyes closed against the dim light of the night sky above. His chest rose and fell with lazy breaths that clouded up the autumn air, and as he stretched out, raising one arm with a small groan, Lex forced herself to look away before his eyes opened.
“...y’know, for shit that I had t’throw together in a bathtub,” he mumbled— words slurred together, “it ah… got a bit’a kick to it, don’t it, Lex?”
“Mhm.”
It was all she could manage to say.
Her tongue felt heavy, but her head… fuck, it was so light.
As she shifted her weight, staring up at the stars that were blurring— twisting and turning into a scattered tapestry, like a stained piece of cloth that she’d stealthily pocket back at the factory…
Ugh.
No.
Fuck that.
I’m not gonna think about that right now.
The factory was what she’d been drinking to forget , fuck’s sake— there were a billion things to think about that weren’t the factory. That was the whole point of tonight being the way it was. Work had been… hellish, as it always was. She’d joked before that she’d sew herself to the machine one of these days, but it… was becoming less and less of a joke with every passing day.
It felt like it was always there— like there was an invisible thread tying her to the stiflingly stagnant building. Nothing ever really changed. She was given patterns, followed them until her fingers threatened to bleed, sometimes until she couldn’t fucking feel her hands— the way they’d crack and pop when she moved them at times were a goddamn testatment to how long she’d spent scrunching up fabrics under them— and then she’d slog her way home, wanting nothing more than to collapse into bed…
Though of course, she never had the fucking time to do that , because Hannah needed looking after, or chores needed to get done, or she just wouldn’t fucking go home and she’d go hide away in the autoshop— mentally apologizing to Hannah whenever that happened if she didn’t go to warn her first…
Tonight wasn’t one of those nights.
She knew Hannah was safe.
She’d come home after selling her papers, grinning from ear to ear over somebody who’d tipped her a dime— something that Lex had shushed her about, lest their mother overhear— despite the fact that it had rained almost all day.
“That’s why he tipped me, Lexie! Payed for ten whole papes! Felt sorry.”
“You’re talking like that Houston kid who sells with you, again.”
She’d shrugged in response to the words as she’d set her paper bag down— her empty paper bag. “Fun word. Sounds better than papers,” she’d defended as she wrung out her hat, “sells more.”
“You know what? I take it back— you don’t sound like Tim. You sound like—”
“Ethan?”
“How did you ever guess?”
She’d given a shrug in response. “One of the only other people you talk to.”
That was true.
It wasn’t that she was antisocial, sure, but… Ethan was the only other person she really talked to.
Like the lightness she felt despite knowing she was laying on the grass.
Or the distance between her and the guy who’d gone ahead and brought her the ‘Bathtub Booze’, as he’d called it with a crooked grin and a wink.
Sighing, Lex turned her head.
“...hey, Eth?”
Those eyes met hers— fuck , those stupid, pretty eyes...even though they were somewhat glossy and unfocused, seeing as he’d had, like, double the amount of her despite being the one who’d told her not to drink too much of it, ‘cause I gotta sell this stuff to that Spankoffski guy…
“Yeah?” He responded, giving a small blink.
...fuck… I had a question… now my brain’s fuzzy… think think think—
“...you don’t…” Trailing into silence and scrubbing a hand down her face, Lex gave a small groan, her already loose grip on the bottle threatening to falter. “... bathe in this shit, right?”
That probably wasn’t what she’d been meaning to ask.
The actual question was… probably gone, anyway. Lost in those stupid eyes that were still locked with her own— flickering with confusion.
“...hope not? Not that I remember?”
“ Could someone?”
“...no? Or— I mean, yeah , I guess but… shouldn’t.”
“Why?”
Ethan’s eyebrows raised.
“Ever gotten this shit in a cut?”
A wince skirted over Lex’s features.
“Okay, fair. ”
“You’d like… you’d like melt or something—”
“From a cut?”
“—and I’d be selling bathwater. Which is gross. Nobody… would ever buy that… smell like… th’ fuckin’ autoshop…”
It was a smell she knew pretty damn well.
One of old leather from a jacket she’d stolen more than a few times, some oil, smoke, usually— other grime and dirt… a smell that was his . His and his alone.
“Oh, so ya like it, then?”
Lex’s brow furrowed.
“What?”
“Ya jus’ said I smell nice.”
Oh.
Fuck.
Shit.
“Uh, no?”
God, fuck , that was a weird thing to say to someone who was her best friend. Her best friend that she had no romantic interest in whatsoever , because if she did , she’d fuck everything up between them, and she liked what they had. She liked having someone she could count on— someone who wasn’t a fucking thirteen-year-old newsie— someone she could go to, crying, and get comfort from… someone to make dumb jokes with and sit with, someone who was definitely responsible for the wads of bills that she’d find in her purse, or tucked under the loose floorboard in her and Hannah’s shared bedroom…
He was a steady presence.
Everything she wasn’t.
And also, he smelled nice, so that was a plus.
Fuck, stop thinking about how your best friend fucking smells nice, that’s the whole goddamn issue—
“...oh.”
Ethan’s voice cut into her thoughts— the disappointed lilt in it enough to cause her to snort.
“What, you upset, Green?”
“I— no!” Ethan sputtered— sitting up with a huff. “I just… I dunno, I… I try not ta smell like th’ shop—”
“Oh, not that hard, clearly—”
“I— I don’t—”
“Hey, I said it was good , didn’t I?”
His brows drew together. In the dim light, it was hard to read his expression, but there was no mistaking that soft huff that bordered on a whine , followed by a quick swig from his own bottle.
“...ya said,” he grumbled, turning toward her— laying on his side with an almost coy smile, “that ya didn’t say—”
Lex’s eyes flicked away from him.
From his lips.
...okay, so maybe staring at his lips was also not a normal “best friends” thing— who gave a fuck? What did it fucking matter? What did it fucking matter that she kind of wanted to see what they’d feel like pressed against her own—
No.
No.
No.
NO.
Fuck that. Fuck that. She wasn’t going to ruin the one good thing she had going by making things—
“So maybe I said it. So what?”
—weird.
...fine.
Okay.
So her drunk brain was going to undermine her. That was fine. Allowed , even. A small part of her almost found it funny , really— a large part of her did, seeing as, again, she was fucking smashed .
At least he was, too— probably enough that he wouldn’t really think too much of it.
Enough that it wouldn’t matter if he said anything— he wouldn’t remember it in the morning, anyway, and neither would she, and the two could go back to… being friends.
Even though her head was pleasantly light, that thought carried weight— weight enough to cause her to shift how she was laying. It was subtle, but…
Or. Well. It would have been subtle, had she not thrown her entire fucking body into it. One minute, she was laying there beside him— a good few inches of space between them— and the next , she’d all but plowed her face into his shoulder.
It wasn’t even something she’d been able to brace for, because she was the one who’d done it .
Under her— oh Jesus fuck i’m nearly on top of him— she felt Ethan tense.
Fuck, okay, cover it up—
A too high laugh bubbled through her.
He was so warm.
He was comfy .
And…
Inhaling, she couldn’t help a small sigh against his neck as that familiar scent of oil and leather and Ethan filled her nose.
“...double checkin’?” Ethan all but purred.
Normally, Lex would’ve moved away at that. She would’ve made some comment about how stupid he was, or how his smell wasn’t actually all that good, but… something about that stupid grin drew her closer.
Her face was warm.
Alcohol.
That was what it was.
Had to be.
Couldn’t be the fact that she had lifted her head ever so slightly, just enough to see his eyes— half-lidded and soft in a way that she couldn’t explain, soft in a way that made that warmth intensify.
...okay, maybe not just the booze.
Maybe she had a problem.
Maybe her best friend, her bestie, her amigo, her pal, was… kind of hot. So what? So what if she thought he was cute? He was cute— all sprawled out in the grass with the moonlight caught in his eyes and a crooked smile on his lips— and goddamn it, she could fucking think so. She could totally think about how it would feel to run her fingers through his hair. Girls braided each other’s hair all the goddamn time— she could fucking fiddle with Ethan’s if she wanted, and it wouldn’t be weird.
At all.
Except for she’d be thinking about kissing the shit out of him.
Which wasn’t exactly a best friends activity.
That was, like, something she’d be thinking about if she liked him. Like, like liked him.
...shit.
“...yeah,” she murmured, sighing, “an’ you smell… like… you.”
“...is that… good?”
“Well, I’m not gagging, so… yeah. Sure. If it makes you happy, Green, you smell good.”
Ethan’s face cracked into a wide grin. “ Ha!”
His breath was warm on her cheek— my cheek?
With a sharp snort of a laugh, Lex lolled her head back and settled against Ethan’s side with a roll of her eyes in a desperate attempt to hide the fact that her heart was fucking racing. “Don’t let it go to your head— it’s like, your one re… redeem... “
Oh, fuck… what…
“...the one good thing about you,” she amended, smugly, gaze settling on Ethan in time to see his brows draw together.
“...the one good thing?” He echoed, tilting his head ever so slightly. “...there ain’t… nothin’ else?”
Under her breath, Lex hummed.
“...maybe…”
“ ...maybe?”
“ Maybe you’re… funny?” She started with, earning a small huff of a laugh.
“Again— fuckin’ maybe?”
Again, she hummed. She knew the honest answer— yes . He was funny. He was the one guy who could make her laugh even when she’d been at her lowest. When everything hurt too much to put into words, he could just… take it away with a smile and a stupid quip— sometimes one that wasn’t even intentional .
But of course, she didn’t say that out loud.
“It comes and goes,” she settled with, holding back a snicker as he gave an offended little gasp.
“What about th’ fact that I’m makin’ this shit ta… help you ? An’ cutting ya in?”
“I— I didn’t ask —” She started to say, though Ethan simply raised his voice along with his eyebrows in response.
“Or what about offerin’ ta hang with ya? Or my smile— ya always say ya like it— or maybe my… fuckin’... ya know, I’m a real good speller.”
He’s so pretty.
It was so easy to see. Maybe it was because they were close, maybe it was because she was drunk— maybe it was a hearty mix of both— but it felt like a scene straight out of a romance novel.
Without the…
Romance…
Because they were—
“And you’re pretty,” she added.
Ethan grinned. “You too.”
Silence fell.
Their eyes met.
Even in the dark, Lex could see him blushing— or maybe it was just wistful thinking.
“...you think so?”
“Well… I think…”
His eyes flicked away from hers— settling on his booze as he lifted the bottle back to his lips and took a few good swallows from it. “I think a lot of things, Lex.”
“About me being pretty?”
There were a lot of sounds that Ethan Green normally made. Embarrassed squeaks weren’t one of them— but there was no other word for the noise that fell from his lips as Lex nuzzled herself a little closer, still holding his gaze somewhat questioningly.
“Yes. No. Um. Sometimes?”
When he gave a laugh, she joined him.
“ Well ,” she got out through snickers, “I sometimes … might think about how pretty you are, too…”
His head tilted.
“...okay, good , ‘cause you’re really pretty, and… nice, too… smart …”
Slowly, slowly enough that Lex wouldn’t have noticed it had she not felt a sudden cold when he moved away, Ethan began to settle himself in a different position— one hand on either side of her, face inches from her own.
“...an’ I… I really wanna—”
“Kiss me,” Lex finished, breathlessly.
For a moment, he hesitated.
She could smell the moonshine on his breath.
See the light in his eyes.
The slight part of his lips.
But more importantly— she could hear the silent question on them.
Is this okay?
Shakily, she raised a hand, pressing her palm against his cheek— pulse quickening in her chest as he leaned into it, leaned closer . Her thumb swiped over his lower lip.
“That’s… what you were gonna say, right?”
“...I…”
You’re drunk.
He’s drunk.
Both of these things were true, and yet, when she met his eyes… even in the darkness, there was that kindness. That familiarity. Everything that she loved about him— that she knew about him— everything that she cared about and had wanted for so long… and as she gazed up at him, feeling the warmth of his breath on her thumb and the way his lip quivered…
Fuck it.
Without further hesitation, Lex let her eyes slip closed, and surged upward— capturing his lips in a kiss and tangling her fingers in his hair, clumsily pulling, trying to bring him closer.
His chest pressed against hers.
The kiss changed— deepened — and although it was just lips on lips, when Ethan’s mouth opened a touch, Lex didn’t hesitate to accept the invitation, humming at the taste of moonshine and arching her back, trying to get closer to him, closing that distance.
Her body tingled.
Is he—
The pressure from his end increased.
—kissing back.
It wasn’t a question anymore.
It was a statement. He was — and from the way he was pressing into her… he meant it.
Even though it only lasted a few moments, to Lex, it felt like hours spent holding her breath, drinking in his warmth and the feeling of chapped lips pressing against her own, though the ache building in her lungs was enough to make her gently run a hand over the front of his chest with a small push upward.
And then they were just looking at each other again.
Panting in the dim starlight.
Everything behind him was spinning— stars melting into a mess of every colour but black despite the darkness surrounding them— and as she blinked, focusing on him with a breathless smile, she couldn't stop three little words from bubbling up her throat.
“...I love you.”
His breath hitched.
One of his hands raised, moving to gently, almost tenderly touch her cheek.
“...you’re drunk, Lex.”
“So’re you.”
“I… I don’t want’cha to regret that... I…”
“..do you?”
“...do I what?”
“Regret it.”
“No. Hell no.”
“Then what makes you think I do?”
“...dunno. Could do better—”
“Hey. Green?”
“Yea—”
Her lips found his again before he could continue— quicker than last time— and when she pulled away, she shot him a small, bashful sort of smile.
“...do you want to say no?”
“...see, t’answer that honestly , I gotta… say no… which I don't wanna say…”
Again, he was leaning closer. The hand pressed against her cheek wandered, drifting to the back of her head, fingers tangling in her short cropped hair.
Her scalp felt like it was prickling. Any part of her that his fingers found felt as though it was burning, heat rising to her skin to a point where she knew she hadn’t needed to steal the blush from her mother’s medicine cabinet, and the tingling still left on her lips made it clear that she hadn’t needed the rouge, either…
...but then again, being able to see it smeared across his lower lip was enough to make her heartbeat speed up further, speed to a point where she could barely discern beat from beat— the sound turning to just a buzzing sort of background noise to their scattered, shaky breaths.
“...then don’t say no,” she whispered to him. “You don’t… have to say anything…”
“...I should , though,” Ethan murmured back, tongue flicking out just a touch— swiping over his lips to moisten them, “need to… need to say somethin’ to ya…”
His nose bumped against hers.
“...is it that you have no depth perception?”
“...I mean… I was gonna say I… I love ya, Lex. Like… love love ya... weren’t gonna make up any words…”
A snort slipped from her.
She couldn’t hold it back.
“...you’re a dumbass , Green,” she managed to get in, grinning through the words— holding no real ire. Not toward him. Never toward him.
“... your dumbass, right?”
“...I’d like that.”
“...yeah?”
Despite being an intimidating guy, despite being a good head and shoulders taller than her, he sounded so, so small.
Lex’s throat tightened.
The hand on his face moved, trailing upward to gently tug at his curls— hanging loose for once, freed from the usual hair gel he utilized.
“...yeah,” she murmured, quietly.
“Good.”
And as Ethan pulled her in for another kiss, she couldn’t help but smile against his lips and the taste of cheap booze on them.
Just like the shitty alcohol, some things were better in bigger doses.
And she planned to get drunk for the second time of the evening— though this time, it would be on the warmth on her face and the feeling of his lips on her own.