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There was a ship disappearing over the horizon as Shaina climbed the steps carved into the cliff face to the top. The ship was owned by that girl Saori- no, Athena, and was taking Seiya and the other bronze saints back to Japan for better medical treatment. It had been a week since the fateful night wherein less than a day Sanctuary had been shaken to its very core with the return of their true goddess and her rebel saints. However they weren’t rebels anymore, they were heroes. Over a decade of lies had come crashing down in a single night and had left the remaining saints to pick up the pieces.
And Shaina, the proud Ophiuchus Saint had a swelling in her heart she couldn’t understand. She had lost Cassios yes, but the value of his sacrifice had left her with a sense of closure. She couldn’t even bring herself to hate Aiolia for his actions, after all, they hadn’t been his own. But then why, why was her heart in such agony?
She knew why. It came to her one night as she remembered how Marin had carried Seiya through Aphrodite’s roses with no concern for her own safety, and how Seiya had been almost reluctant to leave her to go face the true traitor. It was love, unconditional love. The kind of love Sanctuary had tried to purge from their saints and in its place plant hate and contempt. It was then Shaina realized she had been weak, weak to the hate that had surrounded her, sculpting her soul into something ugly. How could she have been so blind to it?
She thought back to when she was a child. No, she had never been the kindest person, but she had a warmth, a hidden gentleness to her. She fought ruthlessly but with the drive to be a stronger, better person. And of course, Marin had been there. Marin, a foreigner with a strength to her that seemed unmovable, like a mountain. Even if she had never seen her face, Shaina was infatuated. She remembered how one day she had defiantly declared the two of them rivals to which Marina accepted without argument, and she could still remember how her heart had beat that day.
They were close. Rivals yes, but Shaina knew that rivals didn’t bring extra food to share or show each other treasures they had collected around the hidden training grounds. Rivals didn’t care about how Auburn hair reflected in the sunlight or insist on patching a wound given during a spar. Rivals didn’t make the other’s heart race in a way that they didn’t understand. Shaina knew Marin was stronger than her. In cosmo, they were considered equals, but Marin always seemed to have an edge to her. It was a silent edge that Shaina found unpredictable. Marin just seemed one step ahead of whatever Shaina could do. Even when Shaina won the battle, Marin always seemed to win the war. And the worst part was, Marin never would gloat. She wasn’t proud or arrogant, she didn’t even entertain Shaina’s insults. She fought with such control and grace that Shaina couldn’t help but be in awe at how she moved. And it infuriated her even more. She knew that was why the Pope had chosen Marin to be a teacher, leaving Shaina behind.
It wasn’t until that fateful day where that young boy saw her face that she saw who Marin had left her for. This child, Seiya, saw her face and didn’t even flinch, and when she heard Marin’s name leave his mouth, she couldn’t help but be jealous. Given, that jealousy was overshadowed by her shock at a ‘man’ seeing her face. After all, she knew the rules. She would handle that later.
It was then that hate started to latch on and grow like a parasite. When she took Cassios under her wing to train him as the pegasus saint, she knew deep down she was just chasing Marin. She needed to beat her, to defeat her! She knew the Eagle Saint with the unpainted mask thought she was superior, she needed to be taken down! She needed Marin to be back at her side even if she had to drag her! And Seiya, she needed him dead...dead before he could claim her for seeing her face. This resentment, this fear, it only grew uglier by the day.
Yet Marin still remained one step ahead. Seiya… he defeated Cassios right before her eyes and Marin seemed to slip even further away. Even when she tried to stop Seiya from leaving, he only knocked away her mask again, and of course, Marin had watched it all. Shaina could have spat blood from anger on that day.
After that Sanctuary only grew worse, and the weight on Shaina’s soul along with it. Shaina heard the way others talked about the two Japanese saints, they were outsiders. But with Seiya gone, it left Marin alone. Shaina saw Marin at their mercy.
Looking back now Shaina was disgusted with herself, at how she had let that cloud of hate taint her soul. How could say such horrible things to her rival as she beat her bloody? But Marin wouldn’t fight back. Why wouldn’t she fight back!? She could have lashed out at the Leo saint himself when he interrupted their match to stop the bloodbath. Marin was hers! No one else could touch Marin except for her! After all, they were still rivals, weren’t they.
Shaina let herself become a pawn, a stupid pawn in their game against Athena. She needed to kill Seiya both for the pope but for her own fate. If she could not kill him...she didn’t want to think about what it would mean. And then one day Marin was gone, deserting a corrupted sanctuary and Shaina along with it. Shaina remembered how she had torn the ground around her asunder when she learned of Marin’s betrayal. She hated her! She hated her like she hated Seiya! How could Marin leave her again? Even when Shaina faced Seiya time and time again in combat, she saw Marin’s face, as if she was still protecting him. What was it about Seiya, the bronzes, about this Saori that made Marin abandon her?
She remembered when she saw that Saori girl almost kiss Seiya in the mountains. She had watched how Seiya had held her close and jumped to what would’ve been their death had they not been so lucky. It was mocking her, they were mocking her. This false Athena not only had taken Marin from her but also had taken Seiya, the man she needed dead or else she needed to love.
Hate or Love. Hate or Love?
It was the choice Shaina had when it came to Seiya, who had seen her face. If she could not kill him, she had to love him. So why was it that whenever she thought of this paradox, she was haunted by Marin instead?
However, it all made sense when she learned that Seiya was Marin’s little brother. Of course one would risk it all to protect their kin...wouldn’t they? Seiya was something precious to Marin, no wonder she had given everything to keep him safe. Shaina told herself this over and over until it stuck with her. Marin had given everything to Seiya, but he had not stolen her away, no, it was that Marin simply loved her little brother. The little brother that she was to either kill or love.
It wasn’t until she had been stuck in Japan chasing Marin’s ghost that she had come to her wit's end. Every time she tried to plan, think of a way to meet her goal, to kill Seiya rather than give her heart to him- it was only Marin she could think of. The way Marin’s cool voice wrapped around her words. The softness of her skin even when it was drenched in sweat. The curve of her muscles as the freckles that dotted her chest that pulled her eyes down to admire her more feminine features- anyone would’ve looked after all! Sometimes she couldn’t help but imagine what Marin looked like under that plain mask. She had wondered that since they had met but only now could she truly imagine it. After all, she had seen so many Japanese women since she had been roaming there. Yet in her mind, none of them could compare to Marin, even if she had never seen her face. Were her eyes big and bright like Seiya’s or were they slender and commanding? What was their color? What was the shape of her lips, the curve of her jaw? The more Shaina thought the more she felt a different kind of warmth bloom against her skin. She wanted to know if her touch was soft or strong if she was easily flustered underneath her mask or was she as cool as ever. What did her voice sound like when it was soft, what did she look like when she looked at her? It was then Shaina would force herself to roll over and sleep. After all, she didn’t need these kinds of distractions. It had been so long since Shaina had last seen her yet Marin’s image never faltered. Shaina knew she was haunted.
But why? Why did the thought of that traitorous rival she had devoted herself to defeating cause her chest to tighten with an ache? Why did her blood run hot when she dwelled on just how powerful yet beautiful Marin was? Anger, jealousy? It had to be. That was all Shaina knew. She was failing, failing to kill Seiya, failing to catch Marin. The more her chest swelled like it was full to bursting, to the point it made her tired. She would give anything to be free of it.
It was desperation that overtook her that afternoon, a new kind of weakness Shaina could add to her soul. That’s why she let loose such a cowardly attack on a sleeping Seiya. She felt tears prick her eyes behind her mask as he avoided her ambush, running into the woods. She couldn’t even touch him! He was injured, without cloth and she still couldn’t hurt him- how pathetic was she? How would she ever catch up to Marin like this?
Marin. Once again she thought of Marin, and oh how her heart ached. It ached in a way she couldn’t bear anymore.
Maybe, just maybe if she resigned herself to love Seiya, maybe it would alleviate the ache she felt. After all, she couldn’t kill him. Not only had she failed so many times…could she really do such a thing to Marin? Shaina knew how it was to lose a sibling, even if she hated Marin she couldn’t kill her little brother. Yes, it would be easier to love.
The confession spilled from her mouth like a river in a storm. That a female saint who had her face revealed by a man must either kill him or love him. For so long she had only wanted to be the strongest saint she could be, to fight like a true warrior, and this stupid foolish mask only stood to remind her of the fate she was resigned to. She felt so pathetic, so pathetic that she was ready to just give up.
Next thing she knew she was throwing herself in front of Seiya to guard him against Aiolia’s attack. She couldn’t let Marin’s little brother die like this, at the hands of the man Marin knew as a friend. If that was the case… who had she really sacrificed herself for?
The last thing she heard before she fell was Seiya’s shout of
“Shaina you can’t die-! What about Marin?”
Marin. Marin.
She haunted her dreams as she laid unconscious, wounded, and carried back to Sanctuary by Aiolia. She laid there for days, her body fighting for its life as Cassios cared for her. Had she been wrong this entire time…? Had she simply been a pawn?
“You don’t have to live like this.” A cool voice whispered to her. “Doesn’t Ophiuchus Shaina make her own decisions? Doesn’t she live for herself?”
That voice, it wrapped around her like a guide. Even in her agony, it felt...freeing.
“I want to live free.” She had responded. Free from Sanctuary, free from her mask.
“What else is it you want?”
She wanted to see this mess be sorted out. She wanted to know who her rightful leader was. She wanted to fight. She wanted to see Seiya alive. She wanted....what else did she want?
“Who is it I want?”
The battle of Sanctuary had dragged them all to their knees and forced them to start anew. When she laid eyes on Marin again it was when Seiya and she were fighting for their lives through the roses, and Marin had given Seiya her mask.
“I’ll take care of her.” She had said, allowing Seiya to place her mask back on and leave her in her hands.
That was the first night Shaina didn’t think of the Eagle saint as her rival, a traitor, an enemy. That night she was simply Marin. She wanted Marin to stay like that for as long as she could.
And yet a week had passed since that night. The Bronzes broken and bloody yet victorious, even if there were only dead gold saints and tragedy to show for it. And yet, Athena was there, where she had always supposed to have been.
For that week Marin rarely left Seiya’s bedside. They were just teenagers, and all of them looked as if they had been dragged through hell and back. Shaina thought about how she tried to put them in that state herself and felt another ache in her chest. Marin had been putting her life on the line for years just trying to keep Seiya safe, and Shaina had only made that job harder. She looked in the room to see Marin’s head resting on the side of the bed Seiya slept on, her own bandaged wounds far from healing. Who had put their hands on her so?
But as Shaina observed, she felt her heart tighten as she looked at the sleeping pair. She should be the one caring for Seiya, after all she was supposed to love him...right? Then why, why did she look to Marin remembering how she had felt in her arms as she carried her up those marble stairs while the bronzes fought for their lives. She had been so injured and yet she just pushed forward. Yes, Shaina needed to help her, after all, it was her little brother she needed to care for, wasn’t it?
The Ophiuchus saint placed a blanket over the sleeping Eagles’ shoulders and decided she would return the next day. To do what she wasn’t sure.
“Shaina? What are you doing here?” Seiya asked as she walked into the stone-walled room. She had passed others on her way here, noticing how the Andromeda saint was already back on his feet or how the Scorpio Saint of all people seemed to be doting on Cygnus like a mother to a sick child. The sights only made her heart grow tighter.
“Where’s Marin?” Shaina replied, closing the wooden door behind her quietly. She noticed Seiya’s gaze follow as if he was on edge, it was juvenile.
“Said Aiolia needed her help. I’m guessing the poor guy isn’t doing too well.” Seiya averted his gaze trying to ignore the heaviness carried with such a casual reply. “Are you looking for her?”
Shaina blinked. That’s right, those two were close. It seemed Marin didn’t hold any ill will to the Leo Saint either. The door fully closed behind her as she began to approach Seiya.
“No.” Shaina knew she needed to do this. It was part of her code as a woman who served Athena. She had to give her heart to Seiya, she knew killing him was out of the question now and forever. Her heart constricted as she felt an unease creep up her spine, she wanted to suck in more air as her heart started to beat faster and faster. Wasn’t a confession supposed to make you feel happy?
“Shaina you’re really starting to freak me out are you gonna try and kill me again because Shiryu is right next door and-” He said, gesturing to the wall next to him looking like he was ready to make a run for it.
“No! No I’m not here to do that either.” Shaina snapped. Slowly, she lifted her shaking hands to her mask. She didn’t want to do this, but she knew she had to. Then, she lifted the mask from her face. “Do...Do you remember what I said to you that day Seiya?”
Seiya blinked again. “I mean what day there’s been a bunch of days since-”
“What I said to you in Japan Seiya!” Shaina just grew more and more agitated. Couldn’t he be quiet long enough for her to say what she needed to. He was looking at her eye to eye now, no mask between them. Her heart was not happy. “That-That if a man sees a female saint’s face...she must love him! You’ve seen my face Seiya! So many times!”
Shaina felt tears prick the sides of her eyes again.
“I already- I already wanted to apologize for how I’ve treated you- you and Marin! I’m sorry for all the times I tried to take your life but now don’t you understand you have my life in your hands. I’m supposed to love you Seiya I need you to-” The words just spilled from her mouth as if she was too scared to take a breath. A warm tear stained her cheek and rolled to the bottom of her chin, creeping down her neck as it was followed by another. Her lungs burned, her throat burned. “I need you to-!”
“Whoa whoa whoa SLOW DOWN!” Seiya yelped, jumping out of bed. “Shaina take a deep breath you’re going to die or something! Why are you crying?!”
It shocked Shaina out of her state. Oh, she was crying. Now it was her turn to look at the other Saint with a stupid expression. Slowly, her lungs filled with air again.
“Yeah, Shaina I remember the mask thing” Seiya scratched his head. “It’s stupid! I mean you saved my life if you’re that worried about a debt or whatever considered it paid!” He looked back at her with something akin to pity on his face. “Please stop crying.”
“It’s not that simple Seiya! The rule of the mask is absolute it’s not some debt I can just- I can just pay off! I belong to-”
Seiya threw a pillow at her.
“Please don’t finish that sentence” He replied with dread, murmuring something about Sanctuary rules being fucked up before he looked back at her. “And Shaina...you realize Saori got rid of that rule right?”
Shaina felt something break in her mind the moment those words left his mouth.
“She...she got rid of what?”
“The mask thing! Aren’t you listening? It’s stupid and archaic I mean this is the 20th century!” Seiya explained as if the whole thing was just common sense. “June wasn’t even wearing one when we got here, Saori got rid of it like months ago! I didn’t even know what she was talking about when she said it until you yelled it at me!”
That’s right. The Chameleon Saint that had fought with them, she hadn’t been wearing a mask at all, had she?
And just like that, an indescribable weight lifted off her shoulders. The mask… the mask was just clothing now, an accessory like anything else. All at the word of Saori Kido, the true Athena who had now been returned to them.
There was no debt, no stake on her heart or her life. She didn’t need to hide her face as if her womanhood was a mark of shame. No, in Saori- no, Athena’s eyes, they were all equals.
“Seiya…” Shaina looked at him, not knowing what to do.
“So please just- forget about this weird thing. I’m grateful for how much you’ve helped me but seriously- plus I don’t even like older women and you’re like 23!”
“I’m 21 You brat! You act like that makes me an old woman!” Shaina hissed back. “I’m only 5 years older than you! Plus don’t make it sound like I was attracted to you or something!” Why did it feel so good to say that? No, no she had never been attracted to the other in the slightest. Wait, if she wasn’t attracted to him...how had she convinced herself she had to love him? It was Seiya of all people! She had watched him eat a live bug as a dare once! He was- he was like some irritating pest the same way Geist had been! Like a little brother!
“Yeah! So stick to women your own age!” Seiya snapped back before throwing her a towel that had been sitting on a nearby table. “And stop crying. I don’t want someone to think I made you cry.”
“Did he just say women?” Shaina asked herself, and why didn’t she feel the need to refute it? Did Seiya think she was attracted to women? What was she attracted to? Had she ever really sat down and thought about it? All that was coming to mind was auburn hair, freckles… strong legs that could climb a mountain… a cool soothing voice- wait a second.
“If you’re gonna look that stupid maybe you should put the mask back on” Seiya snickered and Shaina smacked him with the towel before she dried her eyes. “HEY!”
“Brat” Shaina huffed, forgetting what she had just been thinking about. After her eyes were dry she put the mask back on, though she wasn’t sure if she wanted to keep wearing it now that the rules had changed. She would think about it later. “I-I think I’ve explained myself. I should get going-”
“Wait Shaina-” Seiya had a new seriousness to his voice. “Thank you.”
“For...for what?” She stopped in her tracks.
“For keeping Marin safe.” Seiya’s brown eyes glowed. “If you hadn’t shown up she-she would be gone. She nearly died to keep me safe and… and I can’t let that happen again.”
The ache returned to Shaina’s heart. Only now did she bring her hand to her chest as if to squeeze it as she made a fist.
“I couldn’t let either of you die. I’m relieved.”
“You should’ve seen Marin afterward though- even with the mask I could tell how happy she was.”
“She was...happy?” Suddenly a warmth washed over her like she hadn’t felt in the longest time. Did she make Marin happy?
“Duh. I could practically hear her thinking about you. Marin’s so annoying when-”
“When I what.” The door opened and in the threshold stood Marin, calm and proud as ever, that unpainted mask still on her face and a hand on her hip.
“Nothingggg” Seiya started whistling.
Marin let out a soft sigh before Shaina caught her attention, her gaze tilting down at her.
“What are you doing here?”
“I-I had something to discuss with Seiya. Why do you care?” Shaina felt her cheeks grow warm, and now she was thankful she still wore the mask. What was this feeling?
Marin took a step closer as if to intimidate the other if Shaina had been carrying any ill-will in her sentiment. Shaina’s gaze was once again pulled down by that trail of freckles…
“She was just apologizing for being a harpy!” Seiya called with a laugh as he approached the pair.
“WHY YOU-!” Shaina shrieked, her blush only growing more intense.
“Don’t worry Marin everything’s cool. Shaina and I are buddies now, right?” He smacked Shaina on the shoulder.
“Yeah. Yeah, we are” Another wave of relief rolled over her. Seiya, he was her friend, nothing more.
“...good. I’m happy to hear that,” Marin replied after a moment, the slightest bit of warmth creeping into her voice. Shaina could almost feel the other’s gaze on her. “But Seiya, Saori wanted to see you.”
“Can’t she just walk here?” Seiya groaned, hanging off Shaina like he would one of the bronzes. “I’m wounded after all”
“If you’re going to act like that I’m not carrying you. Besides she wanted to show you something.” Marin turned her back as if to leave and Shaina watched a blush glow up to Seiya’s ears.
“W-wait Marin! I’m not complaining-!” Seiya proceeded to jump onto Marin’s back like she was a pack mule. “Do I look bad?”
“Yes,” Shaina replied, folding her arms and while Seiya looked at her with the greatest of offense-
Marin snorted.
“You too?” Seiya yelped.
“She has a point,” Marin replied as if she hadn’t just laughed in front of both of them. Was she really in that good of a mood? “I don’t know if the Lady will worry too much, however”
Marin adjusted Seiya as if he was a heavy backpack and readied to leave, but she paused.
“Thank you, Shaina.” Marin didn’t wait for a response before carrying the pegasus saint off.
Shaina was left in the empty room with her heart beating fast at an incredible new rhythm. Marin, just what had Marin done to her? And why didn’t she want it to stop?
Now Shaina stood, Marin’s auburn hair glowing in the setting sun as the two of them watched the ship vanish into the sea, their new heroes safely aboard. Saori- no, Athena, had quickly stabilized the power vacuum left in the pope’s wake. There was talk about how, in time, she and the bronzes would return to Sanctuary, but for now they had to recuperate back home. The remaining golds, there was only half, after all, had used their blood to repair the shattered bronze cloths better than ever before. Shaina had wondered if they could even be considered Bronze saints anymore. That isn’t what mattered, however. All that mattered is that Athena had returned to them, and Sanctuary could now be reborn.
“Shaina.” Marin’s voice called to her before she turned around to see who it was.
“M-Marin.” Shaina stuttered. The past few days… they had been such a whirlwind. True Marin had returned, but it felt like Shaina was still running after her shadow, the other just barely out of reach. And her heart ache only grew. Shaina felt as if she had a novel’s worth of words to spill out to her, but she didn’t know how the words fit together. She felt like she had floated through the last few days, preparing herself for the moment she could stand in front of Marin with pride in her chest. Yet now they were alone together, and Shaina still had no clue what to say.
“I’m surprised you came to see them off” Marin said, still facing forward. The ship started to vanish along with the setting sun.
“Of-Of course I would.” Shaina folded her arms and squeezed herself tight. It was a different type of unease than she had felt with Seiya. She felt wobbly on her feet yet...she was happy.
“I’m just happy they all made it out in one piece.”
“I’m hoping I can stop worrying. Just for a little while.” Marin’s voice was heavy with nostalgia. “But Seiya was never one to stay still for long.”
Shaina approached and stood at Marin’s side, saying nothing but studying her from under her mask.
Just where had all the years gone? Both of them had only been 15 when they had last stood beside each other as nothing more than rivals- friends . Seiya and the other Bronzes were barely any older than they were. Despite everything Shaina had done in those six years, every bit of grief and mockery she had thrown at Marin and Seiya. Despite all the harm she had caused them both…Marin still allowed her to stand at her side as equals. Why? Just what had Shaina done to earn this silent forgiveness? She was far from a kind, good, warm person like Seiya and Aiolia, so why did Marin allow her so close?
Shaina’s gaze was centered at her feet and the earth she stood on. She breathed deeply to keep herself grounded even though she could feel sweat rolling down her skin and her cheeks aflamed once more. Her heart felt as if it would burst from her chest.
“Your cosmo is like a storm Shaina.” Marin broke the silence as stars began to appear in the moon-kissed sky. “Is there something on your mind?”
Damn her intuition! What was she supposed to say? She wanted to apologize for everything she’d done. She wanted to celebrate her newfound freedom. She wanted to understand the heavy swarm of emotions weighing down on her soul. She wanted…she wanted! ...she wanted…
“Shaina.” Marin’s voice was so close, and Shaina looked up only to see her standing right in front of her, nearly chest to chest. “What’s wrong?
Her heart kept beating to the point Shaina feared it was audible to them both. Marin was right there, so so close after such a long time. Instinctively, she reached for her mask and lifted it without hesitation.
“I’m sorry.” her voice came out as a whisper, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. “I’m so sorry Marin…”
Marin straightened in response but said nothing, only tilted her head as she gazed down at her ‘rival’. Shaina’s mask held loose in in her hand as she gazed up at Marin, warm tears beginning to roll down her cheeks. A voice in her head called her pathetic with a hiss like a sharp knife. But for some reason...this time didn’t hurt.
“I’m sorry for all I’ve done to you...I was- I was cruel and weak and stupid-!” Shaina felt more tears run down her face but she didn’t care to stop them. “I-I’ve always respected you Marin...ever since we met I just- I just wanted to keep up to you”
Marin once again gave no reaction, no indication of how she felt. That plain mask...never had Shaina hated it so much.
“But I let myself become angry and hateful f-for no reason...and I-I took it out on you and Seiya.” She took a deep breath as she spilled her heart. But it felt like she was...forgetting something.
“We were all tricked. It wasn’t your fault.” Marin’s voice was as calm as ever. “I forgive-”
“You shouldn’t!” Shaina’s voice broke as she screamed. “I fucking hurt you! Y-you and Seiya! I just let myself be their tool and- and I didn’t even stop and think...I didn’t even think that I could’ve lived for myself. L-like you did!”
“Shaina…” Marin’s voice was just a bit softer.
“And this stupid mask!” Shaina clenched her hand that held the mask tightly, and the slightest sound of the cracking of wood could be heard before she let it fall. “Seiya...Seiya he saw my face-!”
Marin only nodded.
“He saw my face so...so I thought…” There was a swelling lump in her throat as she thought about the code again. The uneasiness in her stomach returned. How could she admit to something like this?
“You thought you had to kill him or give your heart to him. Since he’s a man.” Marin said slowly.
Shaina nodded and braced herself for a hit she thought would’ve been well deserved. After all, Seiya was her little brother. It never came.
“Every time I thought about it, about Seiya...all I could think about was you, Marin!” Shaina finally said it aloud. She didn’t know why but it felt right to say. “After a while I realized...I couldn’t kill him. He...he means so much to you and he’s just a kid- I couldn’t kill him but I- I couldn’t love him as a woman no matter how much I tried to force myself to… I hated him- I hated-”
She breathed deep and wiped her tears, her sight blurred from tears.
“But I had to protect him...I had to make sure he returned to you safely…I couldn’t kill him just like I couldn’t-” she remembered all the times Shaina had battled the woman in front of her, all those times she could’ve ended their rivalry right there...it made her feel sick “I could never kill you, Marin. I just wanted you back...even if you hated me”
Shaina knew she must’ve looked awful as she took a few deep breaths.
“And now the mask rule doesn’t exist anymore… I can just...I can just exist as I please. I’m a saint but that’s not all I am anymore…” and the feeling of relief returned to her. “I was so...so happy when Seiya stopped me. I don’t love Seiya- I never loved Seiya in that way...but now you’re back and I’m at your side and I’m left with all these feelings I don’t understand! My heart aches because of you Marin! ”
Shaina’s voice cracked again as she wept. She tried to look away but she couldn’t pull herself from Marin’s gaze. Yet somehow...somehow she wasn’t trapped with a sense of fear like she had been the other day, and yet her tears continued to flow.
Marin said nothing as the moments passed. It was the longest few seconds of Shaina’s life. Why couldn’t she just say something-! Marin, Marin could she just say something!
And then Shaina felt a hand on her cheek. A thumb brushed against the tear running down her face oh so gently. Shaina slowly turned her gaze upwards and she feared her heart would stop.
“Shaina...I forgive you.” Marin’s voice was so gentle. “...I always believed you would find your way back.”
What did she mean by that? For Shaina to find her way back…? Shaina could only gaze at her with teary, star-filled eyes.
“You aren’t a bad person Shaina. I never thought you were. I was just waiting for you to find yourself again.” Marin’s thumb brushed away more of her tears. “That mask has always held you back and now you don’t need it anymore.”
“Marin…” Shaina’s voice trembled. Her heart hurt. She wished she could be held, squeezed so tight that she could forget the world.
“I’ve always cared for you, Shaina.” Marin’s hands left Shaina’s face, making Shaina almost cry out at the loss of touch. Instead, she stood still. “It’s true I’ve done everything I could to protect Seiya, but I did it for you as well. I didn’t want to see you give your life to Sanctuary. I was praying you’d realize the same.”
Shaina watched as Marin brought her hand to her face, where that plain mask stayed. It was tradition for Female saints to paint their masks or add to the inherited design from their mentor. Yet Marin had done no such thing. Shaina always wondered why but had never asked. Why did she never ask?
“This mask, I wore it because I had to, yet even with it on, it never stopped them from seeing me as an ‘other’,” Marin spoke as her fingers touched the lips of her mask. “If I ever faltered or showed the slightest sign of weakness, I knew it would all be for nothing. I refused to paint this mask because if I did it would mean I made it a part of me. Someone would either see me for who I was or never at all.”
Shaina looked at the mask in her hands. She had never thought of it that way. By marking their mask, it became part of them, and Marin had always been separate from that. That stubbornness, Shaina had always been drawn to that like nothing else. Was it jealousy of Marin’s freedom...or was it longing?
“You’ve abandoned your mask, Shaina…” Marin’s index finger and thumb hooked around the chin of her mask, and slowly, she began to lift it off.
“Don’t!” Shaina’s mask clattered to the ground as her hand shot up to catch Marin’s wrist. Her heart was beating out of her chest in a panic. “Marin you don’t...you don’t have to take it off. I don’t deserve to see your face” her voice trembled.
The last thing she wanted was for Marin to feel the same dread Shaina had felt when Seiya saw her face. That horrible sickening feeling…
“I want you to see me, Shaina.” was all Marin said as she gently pulled her hand from Shaina’s grip. Shaina averted her gaze to the ground, her heart racing as she wondered if this was truly happening. She heard the mask lift off her face. Shaina’s breath caught in her throat, she was afraid to look up. She didn’t deserve it, she didn’t deserve to see Marin.
“Shaina.” Marin’s voice was soft and gentle like a song, yet there was silent desperation. “Please look at me.”
So Shaina swallowed hard and lifted her head, and she felt the air rush from her lungs.
Looking back at her were a pair of warm brown eyes, her face framed by the sunset still reflecting the last remaining light off her auburn hair. A mole dotted the bottom right of her almond-shaped eyes, adding to the refined maturity of her face. Her features were not soft and delicate, they were strong, commanding, beautiful, and handsome all at once. Her lips curled into a grin, a smile void of pride and arrogance. She couldn’t help but break into a wide smile as she parted her soft lips. Shaina felt as if she had just laid eyes on a goddess as if Marin was carved out of the finest marble.
“Marin” Shaina let out a shaky breath. Her heart beat so hard she could feel it in her throat. It was nearly overwhelming but it felt so right . There were no more masks between them, no more masks to control them. Both of them stood vulnerable and exposed to one another, not as saints, but as two women.
“Nothing to say?” Marin asked, that flirting tease lacing her beautiful voice. However even Shaina could see that nervousness still danced in her gaze.
“You-You're so…” Shaina struggled to find her words. What should she say...what could she say? The words formed in her chest but died once they reached her lips. She wanted to touch her, caress her, make sure she was real but feared if she did it would vanish before her in an instant. But it was those eyes that grounded her, how she lost herself in them. “Your eyes are like am eagle's…”
Was that a blush on Marin’s cheeks? No, it must have just been from the sun…
“Are you happy?” Marin asked, tilting She was still smiling but was there a tinge of sadness?
Shaina didn’t reply as she found herself trying to memorize every feature before this beauty was hidden away again. Damn those masks. Why, why couldn’t it just be the two of them like this?
“Shaina?” Marin’s voice rang again, another tremor breaking through. If Shaina had not been so spellbound, she would’ve heard the nervousness.
“Y-Yes...I’m happy” Shaina responded with a lie. Her heart ached. It ached and cried out as she felt tears well in her eyes once again. Somehow...somehow this wasn’t enough. She should be grateful Marin shared this with her, that she forgave her so entirely. So why? Why wouldn’t this ache in her heart go away?
Marin’s shoulders fell as she seemed to let go of a breath Shaina didn’t know she had been holding in. She looked away from Shaina’s face for the first time, blinking a few times, though Shaina didn’t know why.
“Good” Marin began to turn, her mask once again tight in her grip. “I hope...I hope this won’t be the last time you let me see your face, Shaina.” As she said this the sun finally dipped into the sea and the constellations took their rightful place hanging in the sky.
Aquila and Ophiuchus seemed to dance above them, right as Marin turned to leave.
Shaina was about to lose her again. A tear rolled down her face at the very thought. She didn’t want Marin to go. She needed her by her side, she wanted her. Yet right when Marin was within her touch she had let her go again. She had failed again to show Marin how much she cared for her. How much she loved her.
Oh
It was that moment when Shaina’s felt her heart burst.
“Marin!” Shaina’s voice broke as her mask clattered to the ground. Marin paused, turning her head right at the moment Shaina’s hands reached for her face. She pulled her into a kiss.
Shaina closed her eyes as their lips met, her heart feeling as if it had just been freed from a cage. Shaina kissed her like her life had depended on it, her lips threatening to bruise themselves. It hadn’t been soft and gentle, Shaina was never good at such things. No, it was rough and desperate, yet the forcefulness kept her grounded. For a moment fear took hold of her heart when she didn’t feel Marin’s return, yet before she could pull away she felt Marin’s hand on the back of her head as she kissed back, pulling Shaina closer into her. Shaina felt her body go limp with warmth as she relaxed into their embrace. For the first time, she felt right.
Their lips parted only for a moment as Marin tilted her head to kiss her softer. Their lips fit together like they had been made to match. Shaina...she had never kissed anyone before, and yet she knew she never to feel another’s lips on hers. She melted into Marin, her legs seeming to fail her as she fell forward into the other’s arms. The hands that had pulled Marin’s face into hers had looped around her neck like an anchor as she relied on Marin’s arm around her waist to keep her steady. Marin pressed her leg against Shaina’s, taking on almost all her weight just to hold her properly. She felt a tear roll down her cheek as Marin kissed her deeper. And then she felt it, her cosmo. Their cosmo.
Like her voice, Marin’s cosmo was warm and deep. It enveloped the Ophiuchus Saint like a cloak of stars. Had Marin’s cosmo always felt like this…?
Right, this was the first time Shaina had sensed it outside of combat. All those times Shaina had been too focused to truly feel Marin’s cosmo, for in her cosmo was everything she needed to know. How Marin felt for her, how they felt for each other.
When Marin pulled away Shaina gasped for air, her face hot as she fell into Marin’s arms. She pressed her forehead against the other's shoulder, her breath shaking as she pressed herself closer.
“Shaina” Marin’s voice was just as breathless, yet held onto that soft warmth. “You’re trembling.”
“Please don’t let me go…” was all Shaina could manage as she pressed herself against Marin’s neck as if she was trying to hide under her soft Auburn curls. But once again an ugly voice crept into her mind, pulling itself from the dredges of Shaina’s self-loathing.
“You don’t deserve any of this,” it said. “How are you going to ask her to hold you when you’ve done nothing but-”
“ Mune ga hachikire-sōde ” Marin’s native Japanese was like a song as it was whispered in her ear.
“What does that mean?” Shaina asked softly as she leaned back almost reluctantly, but wanting to look Marin in the eyes again.
Marin looked back at her and she melted into a smile once more. She leaned down and pressed her forehead to Shaina’s, dwelling there for a moment as Shaina leaned back, just a bit so she knew she was there.
“My heart seems like it's going to burst.” She whispered back, a confession only meant for Shaina to hear as a cool breeze drifted in from the sea.
Shaina watched Marin’s hair flow in the breeze, Auburn curls tickling her face and curling around the fingers Shaina still had brushed against her face.
“That makes two of us, Marin” The ache in Shaina’s heart had finally gone, and with it had come a warmth that enveloped her whole body. Her hand trained down from Marin’s face towards her chest, resting right above Marin’s heart. She felt how it drummed under her touch, fast and pounding just like her own.
Shaina leaned in and brushed her nose against Marin’s as her hand returned to her cheek.
“It was always you Marin. You were always the one...the one I…” Shaina felt the words catch in her throat, it was all she could do to not completely sob, and even then loose tears welled up in her green eyes.
Marin kissed her once more, it was all the remaining words the two needed for now. Shaina knew who had always held her heart, and she swore she would do anything to keep Marin’s safe.
Aquila and Ophiuchus belonged together just as they did in the night sky.