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It was another late night for Banri and Yuki, who were busy producing and editing their next song.
“I’m going to take a break,” Banri said before getting up and falling into his bed behind his desk. However, as soon as his body hit the mattress, his exhaustion seemed to fade away. As Yuki continued working, Banri just lay on his right side and stared out the window. Snow was falling outside, blending in with the faint stars in the sky. Banri suddenly felt thankful he was curled up indoors, in the warmth of his room and with Yuki just nearby. He glanced over at the silver-haired musician who was diligently working and smiled fondly at him.
Their relationship had improved significantly after Yuki was honest about what was on his mind when it came to composing music. Despite his frustrations with Yuki’s behavior in the past, Banri realized he’d never disliked Yuki. Quite the opposite, in fact. They were friends and bandmates and anything more could be troublesome for their music. Banri’s thoughts about Yuki came at him a mile a minute, which started to feel a little overwhelming.
Just as Banri finally felt his eyes droop and sleep start to take over, he heard quiet footsteps and Yuki also falling onto the bed behind him. What he didn’t expect were Yuki’s arms around his waist and Yuki’s body pressed against his back. Yuki groaned and nuzzled his head in between Banri’s shoulder blades as he spooned him.
“Well this is rare. What’s up?” Banri asked calmly even though he felt his heart starting to beat fast. This show of physical affection from Yuki was rare.
“Tired,” Yuki said, his voice muffled against Banri’s shirt. He squeezed Banri just a little tighter. Banri couldn’t help but chuckle.
“We’ve done a lot today. Why don’t we get some sleep?” Banri suggested while trying futilely to squirm out of Yuki’s grasp to go get a spare futon.
“No, stay,” Yuki quietly demanded without loosening his grip on Banri. Banri sighed, but smiled and placed his left hand over Yuki’s. He intertwined their fingers and stared back out the window. It could’ve been his imagination, but the sky seemed clearer and he could see the full moon shining in the sky. The snowfall had stopped and only diamond dust swirled in the air.
“Hey, Yuki. You should take a look at the view outside.”
“Mmm. Don’t wanna move,” Yuki said drowsily and punctuated it with a particularly rough nuzzle into Banri’s neck. Banri felt a shiver pass through his body.
“You can just lift your head up. I want to see this with you.” Banri heard Yuki groan behind him and felt Yuki’s head rest on top of his.
“A full moon and some very light snow, hmm?”
“Diamond dust. I just thought it was nice.”
“... It is,” Yuki replied softly. After the two spent some time staring out the window at the mystical scene before them, Banri heard Yuki snoring in his ear.
This was unexpected, but I’m glad we got to be like this together , Banri thought to himself as he felt himself finally drift off to sleep, Yuki still embracing him from behind and Banri holding Yuki’s hand.
***
Yuki wished he had done more that night. He wished he had mustered the courage to turn Banri towards him and kiss him. He wished he held and caressed Banri like he never wanted to let go. He would’ve even gone further if Banri wished for it. But now, it was too late.
Yuki walked alone in the snow-laden streets, under a cloudy full moon. The snowfall was light, but oppressively cold nonetheless. He tried, but failed to compose again earlier that day. Banri’s disappearance had shaken him greatly and his longing for the blue-haired man prevented Yuki from making more music. He needed Banri. Banri who accepted him, understood him, stayed by him. Loved him.
He stopped when he spotted the window of the diner he and Banri used to frequent. The empty tables and chairs sheathed in darkness only served as a cruel reminder of what can no longer be. Though he figures he probably wouldn’t come back here again, especially if he wouldn’t see Banri and his reassuring smile across from him.
He walked through the rest of the town until he arrived at the railroad crossing next to the sea where he opened up to Banri for the first time. His heart ached, remembering that night. They had envisioned a new future as idols and for Yuki’s music to reach those who truly appreciated it. They were going to sing and be together until the day they died.
The snowfall slowed until only tiny ice particles remained. Yuki looked out at the sea and the full moon. He raised his hands to the sparkling diamond dust that blew through, just like it did on that night.
“You’re right, it is a nice view,” Yuki muttered as he felt a familiar heat behind his eyes. “If only you were still here.”