Chapter Text
Someone told her, once, that grief never lasts forever.
That feelings pass, emotions never stay, and that she’d be the same person again someday soon.
But how could one be the same person, if a part of you was just ripped from your life?
The pyre was engulfed in flames, something she would have found comfort in watching if it weren’t for the shock still washing over her in waves. The shock, the grief, just about every emotion Jedi weren’t supposed to have, swallowing her whole in front of the council’s eyes.
Somewhere in the back of her mind she recognized a hand on her shoulder, and a warm presence on her side. The hand shook, or maybe that was just her, shaking with tears. Maybe both. Probably both. Obi-Wan’s beard tickled her montrals as she was led out, only now noticing the fire sputtering out.
At first it hurt to see the distinct shape of a man’s body within the flames. Now it hurt to know that the body was no longer there, all that was left for her to remember were ashes. Ashes of her old life. Ashes of her childhood. Ashes of days spent laughing at a prank pulled or falling asleep while trying to meditate.
Ashes of her master.
Ashes of Anakin.
And somewhere, on some outer rim planet in the wreckage of a ship, were ashes of her.
Come, an outside voice spoke. She followed it blindly.
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Ahsoka didn’t remember falling asleep, or even that she got to her quarters at all. But when she awoke, the lights were off and it was still too early for the sun to be fully risen.
Her neck pinched from sleeping on the sofa, drawing herself up from the uncomfortable position. Really, she should have realized that sleeping on the couch was a bad idea. Remember all the times she’d done so on Master Obi-Wan’s sofa late at night when her master was gone, or when she’d stayed awake, waiting for her master to come back from a mission, and inevitably ended up falling asleep.
Speaking of which, Anakin’s door was open.
He shouldn’t have even been awake, let alone up and about. Usually his insomnia led to tinkering the night away, not leaving to go eat a midnight snack.
Ahsoka, slowly gaining consciousness, opened herself back up to the force, reaching a hand out to the little string in her mind that connected her to her master.
It was supposed to sing, either with wakefulness or a steady hum of sleep.
It was silent.
She checked once more to make sure it wasn’t shielding or some trick, an elaborate prank he was planning. But no, the string had gone limp and there was something... Gone. Empty. Her master was missing, as if he’d been painfully ripped away from her.
Without a second thought to who she might be waking up with her early morning mission, Ahsoka crossed the hall to knock on Obi-Wan’s door. He answered in a mere few seconds (implying that he was either awake as early, or just didn’t sleep).
“Ahsoka?” He ran a hand through his mussed up hair. “Come, please.”
Ahsoka dropped on the sofa as she began speaking. “Master, I don’t know where Anakin is. I can’t feel him, it’s like he’s just cut off our bond,” She rambled. Obi-Wan’s face went blank. His shoulders dropped, and lips parted ever so slightly. “And I had the worst dream, I think someone died but I can’t really… Can’t really remember it. Maybe that has something to do with it?”
Slowly, painfully, Obi-Wan made eye contact. There was something piercing in the way he was staring at her. “Dear one.” He kneeled in front of her, the first of many signs that something was wrong in ways Ahsoka couldn’t even imagine.
“Do you not remember yesterday?”
The details were blurry. She remembered her mission with Anakin, a distress signal coming somewhere from the outer rim. She wasn’t even quite sure of the planet. Just the declaration that, ‘Ya Snips, it’s a desert planet. Of course the council sends us to the planet covered in sand.’
She almost grinned at the memory of his absolutely disturbed realization. “I don’t remember after we got out of hyperspace.”
The bags under his eyes became suddenly apparent, looking upon her grandmaster, finding nothing but sorrow and guilt in his expression. A hand gripped hers tightly. “You crashed, do you remember that?” She recalled the faint feeling of heat against her skin, and a memory of her master screaming entered her mind. “You were shot down.”
Ahsoka felt the distinct smell of burning flesh fill her nostrils. Crying. More screaming, this time from her.
The force sunk in despair.
“Master,” She whimpered. “No, you don’t mean... It’s not true.” Ahsoka forced her eyes open. “It can’t be true.”
The look on his face was enough of an answer.