Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Lumine has created a group.

Lumine has changed the name of the group to "Gays will rule the world".

Lumine has added Amber, Ayaka, Ganyu, Jean, Diluc and 28 others to the chat.

Venti and 8 more people are online.

Venti, Ehe~ What is this owo traveler?

Lumine: The best way to communicate.

Xingqiu: That's what letters are for?

Lumine: They're inefficient, if I'm in an emergency they'll come to help me 5 days after my death.

Xingqiu: You have a good point.

Lumine: Yes, I'm always right.

Childe is on the line.

Childe: Comrade!

Lumine: Not even a minute to already I feel the need to get you out of here.

Childe: You are cruel :(

Diluc: Then why don't you get the fatui scum out?

Diluc: You'd be doing us all a big favor.

Zhongli is on the line.

Lumine: For him.

Childe: Xiangsheng!

Lumine: Here we go again.

Diluc is out of line.

Zhongli: Good afternoon everyone.

Zhongli: Hi Childe <3.

Lumine: There are private chats for this Zhongli.

Chide: So we can't show our love anymore?

Lumine: No, not here, there are children present.

Xingqiu: ????

Bennet: ????

Chongyun: ????

Razor: =&$%?????

Lumine: Let's talk when they are 500 years old, please 

Xingqui: >:(

Childe is offline.

Zhongli is offline.

Xingqiu is offline.

Venti: 500? I thought you were 15.

Lumine: My beauty precedes my years.

Venti: That means...

Venti: You can be my wine partner.

Lumine: No.

Lumine: I don't want to be an alkolic.

Lumine: Besides, isn't Kaeya there for that?

Venti: He's in a meeting TT-TT

Lumine: Mention it.

Venti: How?

Lumine: @Kaeya .

Kaeya is online.

Kaeya: What's up?

Venti: KAEYAAAAAAA.

Kaeya: VENTIIIIIIIIII.

Venti: Gay.

Kaeya: Gay.

Venti: Are you free?.

Kaeya: In 10 the meeting ends.

Venti: Perfect, I'll pick you up as soon as I'm done.

Venti: I need my daily wine.

Venti is offline.

Kaeya is offline.

Keqing is online.

Keqing: What a nuisance, I can't work with so much noise.

Keqing is offline 

Chapter Text

Gays will rule the world

Venti and 5 people are online

Venti: @Everyone

Venti: Has anyone seen Lumine?

Barbara is online

Zhongli is online.

Zhongli: No, she's not for Liyue.

Zhongli: If I'm not mistaken she went to Inazuma a few days ago.

Barbara: How is he? I heard that Inazuma is a dangerous place these past few years.

Venti: It always was.

Barbara: ........ok(?

Venti: Well, if Lumine doesn't come to me, I'll go to her.

Diluc is on the line

Diluc: You're not riding a dragon to Inazuma.

Venti: >:'(

Diluc is offline.

Kaeya: He's got you well tamed my friend U-U

Venti: I can't lose my private wine stash :´( 

Diona: This is why alcohol is bad.

Diona: It controls you and you can't be free and happy ù n ú

Venti: I'm not going to argue with a little girl.

Venti: But wine is the best thing in life.

Diona. WAIT UNTIL SHE GROWS UP AND THE WINE INDUSTRY WILL FALL.

Diona is out of line.

Lumine is online.

Venti: LUMINEEEEEE

Lumine: @Childe.

Childe is online.

Childe: Oh, this is the first time it's you calling me.

Childe. Sorry to disappoint you but I'm on a date with Xingsheng right now, I'm not available.

Lumine: I DON'T CARE, BECAUSE I'M A TARGET FOR THE FATUI???

Childe: Ow, did you meet Scaramouche?

Lumine: DID YOU KNOW HE WAS GOING TO BE THERE???

Childe: Sort of.

Lumine: WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?

Childe: You are not part of fatui, there are things that must remain between us.

Lumine: DO YOU KNOW THE MESS THEY CAUSED?

Lumine: INNOCENT PEOPLE SUFFERED A LOT BECAUSE OF THEM.

Childe: It's our job, you know?

Childe: We just follow orders.

Lumine: Aagh it's impossible to reason with you.

Venti: She's really upset isn't she?

Childe:.......

Chapter Text

Private Venti-Zongli.

Venti: MORAX

Venti: REX LAPIZ

Venti: ZHONGLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

Venti: WE HAVE AN EMERGENCY

Zhongli is online.

Zhongli: Good morning Venti.

Zhongli: Don't you think it's too early to talk?

Venti: Ash, that bastard fatui has transformed you into someone so different my friend.

Venti: I knew he was a bad influence on you.

Venti: Where is the dragon that already put everyone under his feet at 4 AM?

Zhongli: Childe is just showing me some human pleasures.

Zhongli: And don't call him a bastard, if you deigned to meet him you'd know he's a good person.

Venti: Well, well.

Zhongli: What did you have to tell me?

Venti: Oh yes.

Venti: You know I love Xiao very much.

Venti: He's like my nephew.

Venti: And as the person who gave him his vision I feel obliged to tell this to his father, that is you.

Zhongli: I am not his father.

Venti: Xiao might be dating someone on the sly.

Zhongli:.......

Zhongli is offline.

Venti: ZHONGLI COME BACK, I DON'T WANT YOU TO DO SOMETHING STUPID.

Venti: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

Private Venti-Diluc.

Venti: DILUUUC.

Venti: MY LIFE.

Venti: DEAR

Venti: MY LOVE.

Diluc is online.

Diluc: What's up.

Venti: That's no way to treat your future husband.

Diluc: What does the most important person in the world want?

Venti: Better.

Venti: I can stay in the sunrise vineyard for I don't know.... two weeks?

Diluc: Venti, my house is your house.

Diluc: That you can't stay still in one place is another matter.

Venti: But that's how you love me <3

Diluc: Unfortunately.

Venti: Perfect, I'll be there in less than I can rhyme.

Diluc: I'll wait for you.

Diluc is offline.

Venti is offline.

Homosexuals will rule the world.

Mona and 9 people are online

Childe: @Venti.

Childe: I KNOW IT WAS YOU STUPID BARD.

Mona: Wow, I see a cosmic fight here.

Albedo: Oh, what happened now?

Childe: THIS STUPID BARD OF HUNGER HAS MADE XIANGSHENG LOSE CONTROL.

Diluc is on the line

Diluc: Shut up before I seriously consider going all the way to liyue and taking your head as a trophy.

Childe: I would love to fight you, because I know I will win.

Childe. But I'm too busy trying to calm a dragon millions of years old before it destroys all of teyvat.

Keqing: Says the one who tried to sink liyue a few months ago.

Childe: I thought we had already forgotten this matter.

Ningguang: Never.

Ganyu this line.

Keqing: Good afternoon princess <3

Ganyu: Ow. Good morning to you too sweetie.

Childe: Gay.

Keqing: Shut up.

Childe: Why does everyone want to shut me up today?

Diluc: Because you are a threat to humanity.

Ganyu: Oh, Is Dad not well?

Childe: I'd say he's about to make meteors rain everywhere.

Ganyu: What happened?

Ganyu: I'll try to help.

Childe: You should be resting but I need help now.

Childe: Zhongli found out that Xiao might be secretly dating someone and didn't take it well.

Ganyu:........

Albedo:..........

Mona: Albedo, I can see by the stars that your destiny is to run and flee as fast as you can.

Childe: LAB RAT, I WON'T LET YOU COME NEAR OUR LITTLE XIAO.

Jean: Should I be worried?

Lisa: Oh no dear. you just come and have tea with me and relax <3

Jean is off line.

Lisa is offline.

Private from Albedo- Sucrose

Albedo: Sucrose, if I don't show up again.

Albedo: I leave everything I have to Klee.

Albedo: Except for the little tofu.

Albedo: And tell Xiao that I love him.

Albedo is off line.

Sucrose: SIR?

Sucrose: OK?

Sucrose: DON'T LEAVE US YET

Chapter Text

Homosexuals will rule the world.

Lumine is online.

Lumine: Oh no.

Lumine: I'm gone one day and they've already started a disaster.

Venti: It's a talent.

Lumine: Why am I not surprised.

Lumine: I wonder if I can still save Albedo.

Sucrose is online.

Sucrose: PLEASE LUMINE.

Sucrose: I WANTED TO STUDY THE ARCHONS BUT THIS IS NOT THE TIME.

Lumine: Here I come, take albedo out through the secret tunnel.

Xingqiu: Do you have a secret tunnel?

Lumine: Yes, it's for emergencies.

Lumine: Like headquarters burning because klee can't stand still.

Lumine is offline.

Xingqiu: How dangerous can that girl be?

Xiao is online.

>Responding to Xingqiu. Xiao: Quite a lot.

Xiao: But she is a good girl.

Venti: OH XIAO

Venti: If you want to have a peaceful life I recommend you not to read the messages.

Xiao:????

Yanfei: I know Zhongli might have been our archon but that won't get him out of jail if he murders Albedo.

Venti: But Childe's wallet will.

Yanfei: Damn it.

Xiao is offline.

Venti: GO SAVE YOUR PRINCESS XIAO WUUUUU

Mona: I can see a family fight nearby.

Venti: Zhongli can be overprotective sometimes.

Venti: He just wants to protect his child's flower.

Chongyun: But isn't Xiao several centuries old?

Venti: He will always be the father's child.

Xingqiu: But how do you know Xiao is the passive one?

Venti: Heartfelt.

Xingqiu: However, in this long road of romance, outsiders never know how lovers show love to each other.

Venti: How much do you want to bet?

Xingqiu: 2000 mora.

Venti: Good.

Amber: I'd like to know where they're going to get all that money.

Xingqiu: I'm rich.

Venti: My boyfriend is rich.

Amber: That makes more sense.

Venti: If you're rich, are you Chongyun's sugar daddy?

Xiangling: Basically.

Chognyun: What?

Xingqiu is out of line.

Venti: Coward.

Lumine is online.

Lumine: I can't believe what I'm about to say.

Lumine: But I'm thankful Albedo has too many chemicals in his lab.

Sucrose: I don't know what I would have done if Mr. Zhongli was still awake.

Sucrose: Mr. Albedo still has a lot to teach me.

Xiao is on the line.

Childe is on the line.

Xiao: I would love to know how all this happened.

Childe: For things like this you have to trust us more.

Childe: This could have been a lot easier if you just told us :)

Xiao: Trust the bastard who almost killed everything I protect? Childe: Never.

Childe: I'll be your father, whether you want me to or not.

Xiao: I don't know what my master sees in you.

Childe: I'm beautiful, admit it.

Xiao: No.

Xiao: Albedo is beautiful.

Albedo is online.

Albedo: I really think Xiao is more beautiful.

Xiao: ù////ú

Xiao is offline

Childe: I have yet to have a serious conversation with this child.

Childe: And we still won't accept you bookworm.

Albedo: Is it ok?

Albedo is offline.

Sucrose: I'm so glad Mr. Albedo is okay.

Sucrose is offline.

Private Childe-Xiao.

Childe: XIAOOO

Childe: LITTLE YAKSHA

Childe: MY CHILD

Xiao is online.

Xiao: Damn you are annoying.

Xiao: And I'm not your child.

Childe: You will be.

Childe: And we still need to talk.

Childe: And Zhongli would be happy to see you here, I miss you.

Childe: Inazuma is too dangerous and we were too worried about you.

Xiao: I won't go.

Childe: How about some almond tofu and tea?

Childe: You don't have to tell us everything.

Childe: You have the right to have your privacy but I know Zhongli will feel better if he knows how things are going with you and Albedo.

Xiao:.....

Xiao: Fine, I'll go in the evening, I have things to do.

Childe: Perfect!

Childe: We'll be waiting for you <3.

Xiao is offline.

Childe is offline.

Chapter Text

Homosexuals will dominate the world.

Ningguang and 6 others are online.

Beidou: @Lumine.

Lumine is online.

Lumine: WHAT'S GOING ON!

Beidou: Are you free?

Lumine: Oh yeah, I'm just about to die at the hands of Samurai Kairagi.

Lumine: But for you captain I have all the time in the world.

Beidou: Can you add my son to the group?

Lumine:...... SON?

Beidou: Yes, Kazuha, it would do him good to socialize even if it's by text.

Lumine: Oh I was already scared, I thought you were cheating on Ningguang or something haha....

Ningguang: If that were the case she'd be ten feet under by now.

Beidou: Darling, I'm incapable of betraying a beauty like you 😘.

Ningguang: Perfect.

Lumine: You can add it you quietly, I gave some power here to you too.

Venti: ENSERIO?

Venti has changed Childe's username to simp wallet.

Venti has changed Zhongli's user name to old lover.

Venti has changed Diluc's user name to Favorite person

Venti has changed Lumine's user name to Estres concentrado.

Venti has changed Xiao's username to Emo child.

Venti has changed Albedo's user to Mad Scientist.

Concentrated Stress: Seriously thinking about taking away your power.

Concentrated Stress: Oh take you out of the group, it's better to nip problems in the bud.

Venti: You'd miss me, I'm the one who brings color to your life.

Concentrated Stress: Shit.

Beidou has added Kazuha and Scaramouche to the chat.

Concentrated Stress: Captain, with all due respect WHAT IS THE FATUI RAT DOING HERE? 

Beidou: Ow is Kazuha's boyfriend.

Concentrated stress: ......... really?

Kazuha is online

Scaramouche is online.

>Responding to concentrated stress:Yes, he is someone very nice when you meet him.

Beidou: Although his tolerance for alcohol is pretty depressing.

Scaramocuhe: I take care of my health and I'm not an alcoholic.

Scaramouche: And what the fuck am I doing here.

Concentrated Stress: You don't know how much I want to kick you out of here.

Scaramouche: And who the fuck are you? 

Kazuha: Language.

Scaramouche: Agh well.

Kazuha: 😊

>Responding to Scaramouche - Concentrated stress: Don't you remember when he tried to assassinate me?

Scaramocuhe: I'm in the business of killing people, how do you expect me to remember just one?.

Concentrated stress: Kazuha, is he really your type?

Concentrated Stress: And I'm Lumine, only Venti was playing with the names for a while.

Kazuha: Is he okay?

>Responding to Concentrated Stress - Kazuha: He's a nice person when he's not upset.

Kazuha: And he's really cute <3

Concentrated Stress: Ugh, not at all.

Scaramocuhe: I'm not cute, I'm a danger to everyone.

Kazuha: You're a danger to my heart in love.

Simp Wallet is online.

Simp Wallet: NO WAY.

Simp Wallet: SCARAMOUCHEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Simp Wallet: COMPANION 

Scaramouche: Oh shit.

Simp Wallet: WHY DID YOU NEVER TELL US YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND?

Scaramouche: Why would I have to tell you?

Simp Wallet: Because we're brothers :>

Scaramouche: No, we're not.

Wallet simp: 😞

Kazuha: Lumine, can I add more friends?

Concentrated stress: Oh, sure, just wait a moment.

Concentrated Stress has changed his user to Lumine.

Lumine has changed the user from Billetera Simp to Childe.

Lumine has changed its user from Old man in love to Zhongli.

Lumine has changed the user from Favorite person to Diluc.

Venti: HEY ! >:(

Lumine: Let's have a decent introduction once in a lifetime.

Kazuha added Ayaka, Sayu, Yoimiya, Kokomi, Gorou and two more people.

Yoimiya is online.

Yoimiya: HELLO HELLO!

Lumine: Hello Yoimiya !

Yoimiya: OH LUMINE, how are you?

Lumine: Terrible.

Lumine: There's a murderer in this group.

Yoimiya: A KILLER!?

Yoimiya: Do you need me to take care of him?

Scaramouche: In your dreams you can finish me off.

Ayaka is on the line

Yoimiya: AYAKA! <3

Ayaka: Good evening everyone.

< Replying to Yoimiya - Ayaka: Good afternoon dear.

Yoimiya: U/////U

Lumine: Good afternoon Ayaka, you can leave the formalities here, we are friends.

Scaramouche: No, I have no interest in being your friend.

Lumine: Shut up please.

Lumine: It would be a good idea to introduce ourselves.

Lumine: Although I think it would be much better at night.

Lumine: So that everyone (even those who are overworked working) can join us as well.

Yoimiya: Oh all right! 

Venti: Oh no ANOTHER FATUI SCUM!

Scaramouche: Oh the weak archon anemo.

Venti: >:(

Venti: I can crush you in a matter of seconds.

 Scaramouche: Oh really? Then why so easy to take away your gnosis?

Venti: I WAS TAKEN WITH THE GUARD DOWN!

Scaramouche: Aha

Venti: I can't believe one of my boys would hang out with someone as nasty as you.

Kazuha: Does everyone really have such a bad opinion of Scara?

Lumine: Yes.

Venti: Yes.

Childe: Maybe.

Diluc is on the line.

Diluc: Yes.

Diluc is offline.

Childe: Don't mind him, he hates fatui in general :/

Kazuha:.....

Beidou: He may have anger issues but as long as it makes you happy Kazu, it's fine with me.

Beidou: And it's so much fun to see him drunk hahaha 

Kazuha: Mom...

Beidou: And don't worry about Ningg, she loves him too.

Beidou: Right sweetie?

Ningguang: It's hard to forget all that fatui did around here a few months ago but he proved to be smart and firm, that's good enough for me.

Kazuha: Thank you mother.

Scaramocuhe: This is too sentimental.

Scaramouche is out of line.

Beidou: He's pretty shy for a fatui.

Beidou is out of line.

Ningguang is out of line.

Kazuha is out of line.

Lumine: Fuck, what a beautiful family.

Chapter Text

Homosexuals will dominate the world 

Childe: @Scaramocuhe.

Childe: @Scaramocuhe.

Childe: @Scaramocuhe.

Childe: WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU DUMB?

Lumine is online.

Lumine: What the fuck?

Childe: The Zarina is going to kill us all because of you.

Diluc is on the line.

Diluc: Perfect, less pests in the world.

Lumine: I wanted to give a good impression of you Inazuma guys but asking you to behave yourselves seems impossible.

Kazuha is online.

Kazuha: Something happened to Kuni?

Childe: To whom

Lumine: Scaramocuhe.

Kazuha: He never told you his name?

Childe: We asked him.

Childe: And he never told us UnU.

Childe: But since you are here, tell me.

Kazuha: No.

Kazuha: I prefer to be one of the few who know his name :)

Kazuha: But leaving that aside.

Kazuha: What happened to him?

Childe: Selfish.

Childe: Oh, he didn't get to give the gnosis.

Childe: We don't even know where he is.

Kazuha:.....

Kazuha is offline.

Childe: The Signora is dead and now Scaramouche is missing.

Childe: I'm going to die of stress right now.

Childe: Unless my sweet and handsome husband @Zhongli gives me a magic kiss.

Lumine: You really are like a child.....

Zhongli: I'm going home right now.

Childe: I'll be there in 5 minutes <3

Zhongli: Okay.

Childe is offline.

Zhongli is offline.

Ayaka is online.

Ayaka: Good night everyone ^^

Lumine: Hi ayaka.

Ayaka: Isn't this the time where we would all introduce ourselves?

Lumine: OH IT'S TRUE!

Lumine: Thanks for the reminder Ayaka <3

Ayaka: You're welcome traveler, I wrote it down in my itinerary so I'll never forget it.

Lumine: ...... 

Lumine: @Everyone

Eula and 5 people are online.

Lumine. Is everyone busy tonight?

Lumine: I guess I'll have to pin messages every time someone comes in.

Lumine: I don't need to introduce myself, everyone already knows me.

Lumine: So Ayaka, you want to go first?

Ayaka: Okay.

Lumine: I guess it would be okay for you to say your name, your position and what you like to do.

Ayaka: I'm Kamisato Ayaka, daughter of the Kamisato clan, I have Cryo vision and I recently went to my first festival, I guess that's my favorite activity, it was fun to be there.

Lumine: Perfect !

 
<Lumine to set a message>

Lumine: @Eula can continue.

Eula: It's very rude of you to summon me in such a simple way.

Lumine: Ok, sorry.

Lumine: Miss Eula would you do me a favor and continue with your great presentation ?

Eula: It's still mediocre but it's better.

Eula: I am Eula Lawrence, daughter of the Lawrence family, formerly a tyrannical family but to prevent their malevolent goals from coming true and I joined the Knights of Favonius, I have a cryo vision too and among my hobbies I like to drink iced tea.

<Lumine has posted a message>

Lumine. Thank you for your participation miss.

Eula: With this duty concluded I can leave to perform my duties.

Yanfei is on the line.

Eula: Or maybe I can stay a little longer.

Yanfei: Oh, EULA ! it's a pleasure to see you here.

Eula: The pleasure is mine.

Lumine: Flirt later please. 

Eula: You dare to interrupt my chat, I will take revenge for it! 

Lumine: Yanfei, you go on please. 

Yanfei: Sure!

Yanfei: I am the person who has the most knowledge about law in Liyue, I will always be available for you if you need any legal advice also I am a half adeptus, I use a pyro vision and as a hobby I usually help people and read.

<Lumine to posted a message>

Lumine: Working is not a hobby.

Yanfei: No?

Jean: No?

Albedo: No?

Ganyu: No?

Lumine: No and when did they connect? I was expecting them to be the last to come.

Albedo: So little faith you have in us? 

Lumine: Yes

Lumine: But I'm going to take advantage of the fact that you're here so you follow.

Albedo: Good.

Albedo: I'm Albedo Kreideprinz, I'm not fully human, I'm not really sure what I am but I'm determined to find out, I have a geo vision, I'm part of the knights of Favonius, I like to research and draw.

<Lumine to set a message>

Xiao: You are smart and beautiful.

Albedo: Thank you sweetheart.

Zhongli is on the line.

Lumine: Before you start. put away your family drama for now.

Zhongli is writing.

Lumine: And yes, I'm telling your Zhongli.

Zhongli: Okay.

Lumine: Thank you.

Lumine: Jean?

Jean: Oh, it's my turn?

Lumine: Yes.

Jean: Well I am Grand Master Quartermaster of the Knights of Favonius, I have an Anemo vision that I use to protect the people of Mondstadt, I will always be at your service and I like to complete my tasks for the day.

<Lumine to post a message>

Lumine: You really should get some rest.

Lumine: You follow you Ganyu.

Ganyu: I am a half adeptus, I have cryo vision, I am part of the Yuehai Pavilion, I really like the taste of qixing flowers and in my spare time I help the people of Liyue with whatever they need.

<Lumine to posted a message>

Lumine; You forgot to say, I am the daughter of an ancient god and an insane fatui. 

Lumine: I repeat, working is not a hobby.

Ganyu: I daughter of rex lapiz? HOW COULD I? Although he took care of me a long time ago, I don't think he's comfortable with the idea......

Lumine: If you tell him father I'm sure he will smile, I have no proof but no doubts either.

Lumine: @Keqing, @Lisa, @Xiao.

Lumine: Go make your partners rest

Chapter Text

Homosexuals will rule the world

Lumine: Well, since no one will come, I am compelled to call.

Lumine: @Klee, @Qiqi @Diona @Sayu.

Lumine: Come and meet your new friend <3.

Diona is online.

Qiqi is online.

Klee is online.

Klee: A NEW FRIEND!?

Klee: YES! 

Diona: As long as you help us end the wine industry, you are welcome.

Qiqi: The wine industry...?

Klee: Don't worry Klee, when we meet I'll explain it to you again.

Sayu: New friends?

Lumine: Sayu! since when were you here?

Sayu: Since the morning?

Lumine: I can tell you're a good ninja.

Lumine: Well, you can introduce yourselves... so Sayu can get to know you better.

Qiqi: Sounds good to me.

Qiqi: I'm Qiqi, I'm a zombie, I really like coco goat milk and I use a cryo.... vision.

Lumine: OK! You are getting better at remembering things every day Qiqi.

Lumine has posted a message.

Qiqi: Thank you Lumine.

Lumine: Klee?

Klee: THERE I GO!

Klee: I'm Klee, I have a pyro vision that helps me a lot to make my bombs hehe, I also like to paint and when I grow up I will marry Qiqi!

Lumine has posted a message

Lumine: What 

Venti is online.

Venti: Since when did you add the little girls to this chat?

Lumine: Since Klee cried to me for a whole afternoon because she felt left out.

Venti: That's manipulation....

Lumine: I know 

Lumine: But... @Albedo.

Klee: Klee didn't show up well? :(

Lumine: Oh no, you did great <3

Lumine: But getting married is too big of a decision, plus you have to make sure the person loves you the same way you love them.

Qiqi: Klee is very good, even if it's very hot she's always ...

Qiqi: Cool?

Lumine: Oh, well, still I think you should talk it over with her family (Albedo and Xiao).

Klee: Mmmh okay Lumine!

Lumine: Perfect, well, Diona do you want to continue?

Diona: I am Diona, my vision is cryo AND I WILL DESTROY THE WINE INDUSTRY! 

Lumine has posted a message

Diona: Even the archons can't stop me!

Venti: Not if I'm here

Diona: Silly alcoholics.

Luimne: Ow, well .... Sayu, are you still here?

Sayu: Yes Lumine.

Lumine: Would you mind introducing yourself?

Sayu: I will.

Sayu: I'm Sayu, I'm a female ninja, I'm not a tanuki, I use an anemo vision and what I love to do is sleep, I know someday I'll grow so tall, I just need more sleep.

Lumine: Okay, they're ready.

Lumine: I'm going to liyue soon, Sayu, do you want to come play with them?

Klee: Oh SAYU IS COMING!?

Lumine: Only if she wants to.

Sayu: It's okay with me, there aren't many kids who like to play with me in Inazuma.

Lumine: I'm sure they will like you very much.

Klee: YEY! I'LL GET MY COLORS READY

Lumine: Perfect they can go back to what they were doing.

Klee: Ok, SEE YOU LUMINE!

Klee: Take care 

Qiqi: You too Klee.

Diona: Bye!

Sayu: Bye everyone.

Qiqi is offline.

Diona is offline.

Sayu is offline.

Klee is offline.

Supreme lords of Fatui

Fandango: @Everyone. DAMN IT, WAKE UP.

Spoiled child is online.

Motherboy: SCARAMOUCHEEEEEEEEE WHERE ARE YOU?

Spoiled boy: And your boyfriend is about to die because you haven't sent him letters or anything.

Fandango: I'm in the worst place to be.

Fandango -Sent a picture-

Motherboy: What the fuck, why are you still in Inazuma?

Fandango: BECAUSE I'M INSANE IDIOT.

Fandango: I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT HAPPENED, I WAKE UP HERE AND I CAN'T GET OUT,

Crazy veterinarian is online.

Fandango: Finally.

Fandango: Someone decent to talk to.

Crazy veterinarian: Aw, little Scaramouche needs help?

Fandango:..........

Fandango: Forget it, it's a thousand times better to die here than to see them again.

Spoiled child: Cruel.

Spoiled child: Still, you want us to come get you?

Fandango:.....What do you think?

Crazy veterinarian: I'm on our land, going there will take me days.

Spoiled brat: You should stop giving us the dirty work, do things on your own you idiot.

Crazy veterinarian: I'm too valuable to fatui to die.

Spoiled brat: Agh well I'll go.

Spoiled brat: At least tell me exactly where it is.

Spoiled brat: It looks like the Shogun's palace, I've only been there once, but it looks pretty much the same.

Spoiled brat: Oh, I'LL GET A CHANCE TO FIGHT A GODDESS!

Spoiled brat: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Spoiled brat: Scara, should I bring your boyfriend?

Fandango: What? NO IDIOT!

Fandango: I'll tell him where I am, he shouldn't come here.

Spoiled brat: Okay?

Private Yae-Lumine

Yae: Traveling

Lumine: Oh yes, it's nice talking to you!

Yae: No need to flatter me.

Lumine: Yae: Okay.

Lumine: What happened, do you need me for a task?

Yae: No, Ei needs you.

Lumine: ..... Really?

Yae: Yes, I don't know what she's doing and I'm doing a lot of paperwork today and I can't go see her personally.

Lumine: In that case, that's fine.

Yae: Well, you can come for the leave stamp and you have to bring her a book about motherhood.

Lumine: A book about what?

Yae: It's strange and I know, did you see anything interesting about mothers on your walk?

Lumine: Not that I remember .....

Lumine: I'll still go, don't worry.

Yae: Thank you,

Lumine: And do you want to join a group?

Yae: Oh, a group? Don't you think I'm too old for that?

Lumine: Morax is there.

Yae: I guess that's okay.

Lumine: Perfect, I'll add you right now.

Homosexuals will rule the world.

Lumine has added Yae Miko.

Lumine has changed Yae miko's username to Yae.

Lumine: Ready, if you have a little time you can introduce yourself, so we can all be friends!

Yae: Oh, sure, I will.

Yae: I'm Yae miko, I'm sure some of you already know me, but I'm the overseer of Narukami shrine and owner of Yae publishing house, my vision is a blessing from the Shogun and I like to read.

Lumine posted a message

Lumine: Perfect, you can go back to work quietly

Yae is offline.

Chapter Text

Homosexuals will rule the world.

Childe is online.

Lumine: Oh shit.

Childe: @Beidou

Childe: Captain beidou! When are you coming out again for Inazuma?

Beidou is online.

Beidou: Oh Inazuma?

Beidou: Why do you want to go there? Are you going to cause more chaos?

Childe: It hurts me captain :(

Beidou: Why should I have any consideration for you? You almost sunk our nation, you don't deserve my respect.

Beidou: But if you are not going to cause a disturbance on my ship, I might consider taking you.

Childe: ..... will I try?

Beidou: We will leave tonight, I don't think Kazuha will be ok without knowing where Scaramouche is for more than a week...

Kazuha: I'm fine mother, really.

Beidou: You suck at lying.

Kazuha: :''(

Childe: Oh, Scara didn't tell you where she is?

Kazuha: Speak now or forever hold your peace.

Childe: Calm down! IF YOU KILL ME, SCARAMOCUHE WILL BE SAD!

Kazuha: I doubt it.

Childe: >:'(

Childe: But well, we don't know exactly where he is but we only know he's around Inazuma.

Childe: -He has resent an image-.

Lumine: @Sara.

Sara is online.

Sara: What do you need me for, traveler?

Lumine: Isn't that the Tenshukaku?

Sara: What? No!

Lumine: Is your entire palace the same then?

Sara: Well... sort of?

Lumine: You didn't see anything strange a few days ago?

Lumine: Specifically a dwarf just like the Shogun.

Sara: No, a week ago he came with a lot of blankets, but we don't know what he was carrying.

Childe:...... Well, Scaramouche should fit in a pile of blankets, he's not very big.

Lumine: Yeah I guess so....

Sara: What are you stupid fatuis planning now.

Childe: We want to rescue our friend.

Sara: Rescue?

Childe: Yeah well, we think the Shogun probably have captured one of our own.

Sara: .......

Lumine: Oh, relax, we won't fight or anything, I think this can be solved with dialogue.

Childe: Like we're not going to fight.

Lumine: No Childe, I'll go to keep an eye on you.

Childe: Damn it.

Childe is offline.

Private Ei-Lumine.

Lumine: Ei !

Ei: Oh, traveler? What do you need today

Lumine: Oh no, I don't need anything.

Lumine: I just want you to answer me something.

Ei: Sure, ask me free.

Lumine: Mmmh no se......tu have you captured a fatui recently?

Ei: Fatui?

Lumine: Mmmh yes? or rather have you been with Kunikuzushi?

Ei. Ei: Oh, yes.

Lumine: Wellom, the fatui are looking for him, he's been absent so you need to let him go.

Ei: He's sick.

Lumine: What.

Ei: I guess you wouldn't understand, he's like a puppet.

Lumine: Yeah... I guess so.

Ei: He hasn't had enough rest and you have some wounds that he hasn't let heal, besides he depends partially on my gnosis, on my divinity.

Lumine: I see,,,, he knows what you are doing?

Ei: He hasn't stopped making noise and he won't stay still but if I let him out he will surely escape.

Ei: I can't put up a barrier either or my people will be alarmed.

Lumine: You're right 

Lumine: But you should at least explain it to fatui, right now one of them is going to look for him.

Lumine: You can't take a person and not tell his family, that would count as kidnapping.

Ei: Basically it was me who created him, I have more right over him than the rest of the people.

Lumine: But if you abandoned him so long ago, why do you care about him now?

Ei: Eternity goes beyond the material, bonds can also be eternal.

Ei: Our walk made me reflect, and I could see many types of relationships, each one has a story that only they can know.

Lumine: You mean you want to establish a family relationship with Scaramouche?

Ei: Basically.

Lumine: But that kind of bond must be full of trust and memories together, so long ago you set him free and apparently he is not willing to this.

Ei:..... I'm trying, I don't know much about him, I spent centuries apart from me.

Lumine:..... I guess you could take care of him until he is healthy again, but after that you should let him go.

Lumine: ok?

Ei: Ok.

Lumine: Perfect, we can still go visit him right?

Lumine: I'm pretty sure with that he'll feel more at ease if he sees someone he already knows,

Ei: I'll wait for you then.

Lumine: Thank you

Ei is offline.

Homosexuals will dominate the world

Lumine: @Kazuha @Childe.

Lumine: They can rest easy now.

Lumine: Scaramouche is fine.

Kazuha is online.

Kazuha: OK? IT'S IN THE SHOGUN'S HANDS, IT CAN MOVE AT ANY MOMENT.

Lumine: Trust me, it's totally the opposite.

Kazuha is offline

Lumine: Oh no.

Lumine is offline.

Chapter Text

Supreme lords of Fatui

Spoiled child: I'M ON MY WAY @Fandango ! :D

Fandango is online.

Fandango: Fuck, I'm sick of being here.

Spoiled brat: And by the way, your boyfriend is coming too.

Fandango: Tartaglia, you had one job.

Fandango: Not to bring Kazuha.

Fandango: DAMN IT, BECAUSE YOU CAN'T JUST FULFILL ONE ORDER.

Spoiled child: You see how you talk to me?

Spoiled child: Do you know how hurt I feel right now? I go to rescue you and you don't even thank me.

Spoiled brat: You hurt me so much Scara TT-TT

Fandango: Shit, that bitch is coming for me.

Fandango is out of line.

Spoiled child: Why are you like that Scara?

Homosexuals will rule the world.

Childe: @Kazuha.

Kazuha is online.

Kazuha: You know we're in the same boat right?

Childe. Yes

Kazuha: And that you can just tell me face to face whatever I want to say.

Childe: He still wants to kill me. And even though it's tempting to fight you, your mom would throw me overboard.

Beidou: You're right.

Beidou: Nobody touches my child.

Beidou: And Ningguang wouldn't let you go free either.

Childe: You all really want to kill me don't you?

Keqing: Yes.

Diluc: Yes.

Venti: Yes

Lumine: Yes

Zhongli: No

Childe: Xiangsheeeeng ! 

Childe: Xiao is at home?

Zhongli: Yes.

Childe: Perfect, tell him I love him.

Childe: I couldn't say goodbye :(

Lumine:........... They don't really accept Albedo yet.

Albedo: It seems so.

Childe: No one can defile Xiao before marriage.

Lumine: They look like religious parents.

Albedo: This is a free pass to marry Xiao.

Zhongli: First die before giving Xiao away.

Lumine: They know Xiao is already an adult right.

Xingqiu: Generally for parents their children remain young forever.

Kazuha is offline.

Lumine: Someday they have to let it go.

Lumine: I can't I'm going to teach a Parenting class again.

Albedo: Again?

Venti. Who else did you give it to?

Lumine: Ei.

Venti: WHY?

Venti: I don't think I had children with that fox.

Yae is on the line.

Yae: Barbatos, just like you deserve respect I deserve respect too.

Venti: Okay, sorry :(

Yae: Right.

Yae: Parenting classes?

Lumine; Ei didn't he tell you?

Yae: She's been strange these days and won't let me visit her,

Lumine: Agh I feel like what I'm about to say isn't right.

Lumine: But you have to know.

Lumine: Ei is taking care of Scaramouche.

Yae: Oh, Kunikuzushi?

Yae: Didn't he come back with Archon Cryo?

Childe:.....

Childe: WHAT KIND OF NAME IS THAT? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Yae: Shut up before I kill you and bury you under the sacred cherry tree to be fertilizer.

Lumine:.......

Lumine: I understand that you want to take care of your children.

Lumine: But is this necessary?

Childe: Yes

Zhongli: Yes.

Beidou: Yes.

Ningguang is on the line.

Ningguang: Yes.

Yae: Son?

Lumine: Yeah, I mean since Scaramouche is Ei's son and you're his partner, I guess that makes you his other mother??

Yae: Sounds logical.

Beidou: MY LOVE!

Ningguang. Not here Beidou.

Beidou: . (

Ningguang: How's the trip going?

Ningguang: Kazuha is well?

Beidou: Yes! Don't worry, he's still a little upset but a little sea air will do him good.

Ningguang: I'm glad.

Ningguang: I have to get back to work, you two take care of yourselves and don't do anything rash.

Beidou: Take care of yourself too sweetie <3

Ninguang is offline.

Lumine: Oh we'll be right there, can Beidou keep Kazuha at bay?

Beidou: Sure!

Lumine: I don't want him jumping on the Shogun like last time.

Beidou: He did what?

Lumine is offline.

Beidou is offline.

Hours later (I didn't know what chats to fill this in with, sorry hehe)

Lumine: @Beidou, WHERE ARE YOU? YOUR SON WANTS TO FIGHT AGAIN, I CAN'T SUPPORT IT BY MYSELF.

Lumine: PLEASE HELP!

Childe is online

Childe: LUMINE I HAVE SACARAMOUHE!

Childe: LET'S GET OUT OF HERE NOW.

Lumine: Oh god, why do these things happen to me.

Venti: How do you write while you have Kazuha wild?

Lumine: Experience 

Lumine: I've had to avoid a lot of stupid things they do more than once.

Lumine: And knocking them out is a lot more effective than it sounds.

Venti: -_- 

Lumine: And childe, WE CAME FOR A VISIT DAMN IT, RETURN TO SCARAMOUCHE WHERE I WAS.

Childe: BUT THE BABY IS HAPPY HERE >:(

Lumine: Give it back right now.

Lumine: Listen to me. nothing will happen to him and in another week he will be better.

Childe: Good....

Lumine: Thank you.

Lumine: @Yae

Yae is online.

Lumine: Could you help me talk to the Shongun?

Yae: You already know her, why do you need my help.

Lumine: I'm still afraid of her?

Lumine: She tried to kill me more than once. .....

Yae: Okay, I'm on my way.

Lumine: And should I add Ei to this group?

Yae: It would help him a lot to socialize more.

Lumine: Right.

Lumine has added Ei.

Ei: What is this?

Lumine: A group chat.

Lumine: Sorry for the disturbance, by the way.

Ei: No worries though it's been a long time since the Shogun killed that kid's friend.

Ei: It's surprising that his hatred for me is so long, it could go on forever.

Lumine: Don't you know?

Ei: Know what?

Lumine: Kazuha is Kunikuzushi's boyfriend.

Ei: Really?

Lumine: Yes.

Ei is out of line.

Lumine: I feel it would have been better not to say anything.

Yae: Don't worry, I keep him from murdering that child.

Yae is out of line.

Lumine: Because no one is a rational parent here?.

Childe: YEAH! I AM.

Lumine: Really? I doubt it.

Xiao is on the line.

Ganyu is on the line.

Zhongli: He's a good father.

Ganyu: He's quite nice.

Xiao: I guess he is...

Childe: OH BY THE ARCHONS

Xiao is off line

Ganyu is offline.

Childe; I'M COMING HOME FAMILY.

Childe is off line.

Lumine.......

Chapter Text

Homosexuals will dominate the world

Childe is online.

Childe: This is fucking awkward,

Childe: It's like a dinner party where mom was spoiling her son-in-law and neither of you don't like each other.

Childe: Why are you dragging me into things like this, Scara?

Xingqiu: It can be something romantic later.

Childe: After? They'll probably try to kill each other.

Xingqiu: You really don't know about romance, do you?

Xingqiu: They could run away from the palace at night, together, holding hands, running through the cherry woods and escape from the one who represses their love.

Yae is online.

Yae: Hey, that would be a good idea for a novel.

Yae: Would you like to work for Yae Publishing House?

Xingqiu: So would I? but my idea has many gaps, it would be unrealistic to base it on something that didn't exist.

Yae: I would have enough time to produce a good novel and it would be very well paid.

Yae: You could also base it on A Legend of Sword, it's a very good seller here.

Yae: I would even provide you with a good artist to illustrate your work.

Xingqiu:..... 

Lumine is online.

Lumine: Perfect, thank you Yae for helping me with Ei.

Yae: It's not a problem traveler. sometimes Ei gets very startled.

Lumine; Yes, so go....

Lumine: Wait, you want XIngqiu to work with you ?

Yae: That's right, she seems like a great mind with a lot of imagination, it would be very good for my publishing house.

Xingqiu: Lumine; please be quiet. 

Lumine: No.

Lumine:; Yae, I am very happy to announce that Xingqiu is the author of A Legend of Sword.

Yae: Oh, that would be much better, his book has been a best seller, I would love to have him work with us and be able to pay him the money he is due from his sales.

Xingqiu: LUMINE.

Xingqiu: IT'S NOT POLITE TO REVEAL YOUR FRIEND'S SECRETS LIKE THIS.

Replying to Yae>Xingqiu: The pacer would be mine Miss Yae, although I could give it some thought.

Yae: I guess it would be okay, contact me for your answer.

Kokomi is online.

Lumine: Oh, your biggest fan has arrived Xingqiu.

Xingqiu: F-fan!?

Lumine: Oh that's right, didn't Albedo do your illustrations for the book?

Lumine: @Albedo.

Kokomi: It can't be...

Albedo is online.

Kokomi: SERIOUSLY ARE YOU THE AUTHORS OF A LEGEND OF SWORD!?

Albedo: Hello, what's going on?

Lumine: Come and meet your biggest fan.

Albedo: But I already know Sucrose and Timeo?

Lumine: A, they don't!

Lumine: He's your biggest fan in inazuma.

Albedo: Oh.

Kokomi: Oh by the archons, I can't believe this is happening.

Kokomi: Your novel is simply superb, I haven't read a good novel that has romance and action on par.

Kokomi: And your art, it's beautiful, it's delicate and well done, it's not coarse and monotonous like Inazuma, it has vivid colors and conveys happiness to me.

Kokomi: Thank you very much for creating such a good book, if you work for Yae Publishing, I would read all your works without fail.

Xingqiu: Thank you very much Miss, I didn't expect my novel to have so much success and fans in other lands. I feel very lucky.

Albedo: I really made the drawings having a shock because of the coffee.

Lumine: I didn't need to know that.

Albedo: I'm happy that someone liked it, though.

Childe: So the lab rat is now a renowned artist.

Zhongli: The painting in our living room I got from him.

Childe:.........

Childe: Never mind, maybe you are already accepting it Xiangsheng. 

Childe: But I am not.

Lumine: Childe, Zhongli, then why don't you make a drama with Ganyu? If I'm not mistaken he's dating Keqing.

Childe: I trust her, she wants to kill me but at least she really loves Ganyu and I'm sure she won't be a danger in the future.

Lumine: Danger? Childe: Really?

Lumine: YOU ARE A DANGER!

Albedo is offline.

Lumine:........

Lumine: I'm going to go see Albedo, and if you say to him like that again I'll kill you.

Lumine: @Xiao, come with me.

Xiao is on the line.

Xiao: I'm on my way.

Xiao: And you fatui, don't even think about talking to him again or trying anything against Albedo, you'll be more than a thousand meters underground if I see you hurt him.

Lumine is offline.

Xiao is offline.

Childe: Eto is bad, isn't he?

Zhongli: Yes

Xingqiu: Yes

Kokomi: Yes

Childe: :(

Chapter Text

Homosexuals will dominate the world

Lumine: I'm going to regret this later.

Lumine: And sorry Zhongli.

Zhongli: ?

Lumine added Hu Tao to chat

Zhongli is offline.

Hu tao: HELLO WORLD

Yoimiya. Hello!

Childe: GOOD MORNING HU TAO!

Hu tao: Hello simp from my employee.

Hu Tao: This week I have promotions. 

Childe: There you go 20 customers.

Hu Tao: If it wasn't that you are a good taxpayer I would forbid you to see Zhongli.

Lumine: The things they do for love.

Childe: Of course.

Childe: I can't let that fat ass get away from me.

Ningguang: What an indecent person our archon got himself.

 Lumine: The ways of life are not as we expect.

Gorou is on the line.

Kokomi: GOROU

Gorou: MY PRINCESS! ❤

Kokomi: Good morning, have you had breakfast?

Gorou: Not yet, I had to move some troops :(

Kokomi: Come home, I'll make you something delicious.

Gorou: Coming.

Lumine:.....

Lumine: Not to offend you Kokomi but are you straight?

Kokomi: I feel that what I answer will be my sentence,

Venti: It will be.

Venti: We are totally gay here.

Kokomi:..... more or less?

Lumine: Ok, out.

Kokomi: Excuse me?

Lumine: OUT OF MY GAY CHURCH.

Kokomi: B-BUT

Lumine: Silence sinner .

Lumine: I can't believe I put my trust in a non-gay sister, I feel so empty, disappointed, that's what I get for not giving you the right artifacts.

Lumine: BUT I'M F2P AND DOMAINS HATE ME.

Yoimiya is online.

Thoma is online.

Thoma: What's going on here?

Lumine: Kokomi tricked us all.

Lumine: He's a straight person.

Yoimiya: Straight?

Yoimiya: HAHAHA I think we have a misunderstanding.

Thoma: Didn't Kokomi date one of your assistants last year?

Yoimiya: Yes.

Kokomi. She was a spy, she couldn't leave without getting her deserved punishment.

Lumine: Wait, that dignifies that.

Lumine: Are you bisexual?

Kokomi: Yes, I am.

Lumine: Ok, you can stay.

Kokomi: :D

Childe: You are so stressed Lumine.

Lumine: I totally blame them for it.

Chongyun: Oh sorry if I did something to upset you .

Lumine: Don't worry angel, you're not to blame, going for a walk with you was relaxing.

Xingqiu: Why didn't you invite me too Chongyun?

Xingqiu: Aren't we best friends?

Lumine: Friends?

Xiangling: Friends?

Childe: Friends?

Hu Tao: HAHAH FRIENDS? 

Hu Tao: DON'T LIE.

Childe: Don't leave a half gossip, tell us.

Hu Tao: We friends should keep our friends' secrets.

Xingqiu: You are no good at hiding secrets.

Childe: I'll bring you 15 new customers today but tell us.

Chongyun: I don't think she will trade us for a couple of dead people.

Hu Tao: Deal!

Chongyun: I hate it here.

Hu Tao: I'm sorry my dear friends,

Hu Tao: Work is work.

Xiangling: HU TAO! THIS IS NOT RIGHT.

Xiangling: You are being a very bad friend.

Hu Tao: But honey Childe is giving me a good choice.

Xiangling: How would you feel if they revealed your innermost secret?

Hu Tao: Only you know.

Hu Tao: And probably Zhongli.

Xiangling: Exactly, you trust us.

Hu Tao: ....

Xiangling: Chongyun and Xingqiu trust us.

Xiangling: So with all due respect Mr. Childe, no deal.

Childe: I feel like this I was scolded.

Lumine: I feel the same way.

Xingqiu: Thank you Xiangling.

Chongyun: Yes, thank you very much.

Xiangling: Don't worry guys, as long as I'm your friend, nothing about you will come out.

Lumine: You are an angel Xiangling.

Hu Tao: I know but she is MY angel.

Lumine: I know, I know.

Scaramouche is on the line.

Scaramouche: I Came Back For Whom Bitches Cried For

Lumine: Nobody cried for you.

Lumine: Except Kazuha.

Scaramocuhe: Agh you're too rude.

Lumine: That sounded very hypocritical of you.

Childe: SCARAAAAAAA

Scaramouche: Before you ask, yes I'm fine.

Scaramouche: Now shut up.

Childe: >:(

Signora is on the line.

Lumine: BUT WHAT.

Lumine: The stress is already making me hallucinate.

Childe: Because I feel that dottore has something to do with it.

Scaramouche: He's not even here Childe.

Childe: That can change.

Lumine:; CHILDE DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT.

Scaramouche: It's too much of you to think that he'll obey you.

Signora: Ugh this is a complete disaster.

Signora: This is how you welcome a lady.

Venti:....

Venti: DIE AGAIN BITCH.

Signora: Oh Barbatos, are you still smarting from your defeat?

Venti: @Hu Tao take her to hell please.

Hu Tao: I don't do that.

Venti: Lousy service.

Childe has added Dottore to the chat.

Signora: Oh, one more gay.

Lumine: What do you mean gay.

Lumine: I thought his only attraction was experiencing weird things in living things.

Signora: And you think she has a normal boyfriend?

Lumine:...

Scaramouche: Now that I realize, her boyfriend isn't here.

Lumine: Do you know him ?

Childe: Of course.

Signora: No information goes unnoticed by us.

Lumine: I hate it when they don't tell me at once who he is.

Zhongli is on the line.

Zhongli: It's Baizhu 

Lumine: A

Chapter Text

Homosexuals will dominate the world 

Lumine is online.

Lumine: EMERGENCY, WE HAVE THE FIRST COVID PATIENTS HERE AND NOW.

Albedo is online.

Venti is online.

Venti: Cov... what?

Albedo: It's just a mild cold Lumine, I don't think we need to make drama over this.

Lumine: YOU DON'T KNOW, SO I START IN MY WORLD AND LOOK AT ME NOW. 

Venti: The only difference is that you spend a lot more time with us now. 

Lumine: Exactly.

Lumine: But I didn't come here for this.

Lumine: @Baizhu.

Zhongli is online

Baizhu is online. 

Childe and 10 more people are online 

Lumine: Doctor we need your great knowledge to save teyvat from a possible pandemic.

Baizhu: What is the case?

Albedo: The girls have a cold. 

Childe: The girls have colds. 

Baizhu: Oh that's simple to solve, I have a remedy for that.

Lumine: It's going to cost us an arm and a leg as payment again?

Baizhu: Health costs.

Lumine: 😠

Childe: Qiqi didn't get sick too?

Xiao: Her caretaker is literally a doctor, the chances of her getting sick are slim, human idiot.

Hu Tao: And she's a zombie 

Dottore is online.

Lumine: I called a doctor and a maniac arrived, help.

Dottore: You're rude.

Lumine: You're a fatui, I'm not going to treat you right, you don't deserve it you fucker.

Dottore: I don't need you anyway, you're useless for my experiments.

Lumine: Excuse me for loving me enough not to be your experiment rat or great science teacher.

Baizhu: Stop fighting, that was months ago.

Lumine: Well tell your crazy boyfriend to leave me alone.

Baizhu: I can't, it would be hypocritical.

Baizhu: I've also wanted to experiment with you.

Lumine: I'm not going back to Liyue.

Dottore: I can go wherever I want, I'll be your shadow until you accept :)

Lumine: Ugh, just when I think Childe and Scaramocuhe are annoying you come along to tell me I'm wrong.

Lumine: I hate you.

Venti: And the Signora? She's like a kick in the ass too.

Lumine: Yes, but she can't hurt me anymore.

Signora: That's what you think.

Lumine: You still owe me the answer to how the fuck to get you in here.

Xingqiu: If she's a ghost she can go unnoticed wherever she goes.

Lumine: That's not how technology works.

Lumine: Well, I have no choice but to rely on Baizhu to stop this possible pandemic.

Albedo: I already told you that the probability of it being more than just a cold is 1%.

Lumine: But there is still probability, reasons to be afraid enough.

Albedo: Damn it.

Xiao: Language.

Albedo: It's okay, honey.

Scaramouche is online.

Scaramouche: Ugh, just getting here and seeing how mellow they are ruins my day.

Lumine: Looks like someone didn't get penis the last few weeks. 

Kazuha is on the line.

Kazuha: HELP, A DOCTOR.

Dottore: Hello.

Kazuha: A normal one please.

Scaramouche: WHAT HAPPENED!!?

Lumine: There are no normal people here Kazuha.

Kazuha: SAYU IS ILL 

Scaramouche is out of line.

Lumine: Wtf, since when does Scaramouche care about anyone but Kazuha.

Beidou: Since he had a girl as a responsibility.

Lumine: @Ayato, why in the world would you leave in charge of a GIRL to a fatui.

Lumine: I'd report you for child abuse and stuff if it weren't for the fact that you're rich and would get out of jail fast.

Thoma is online.

Lumine: Call AYATO, not BOYFRIEND of ayato.

Thoma: We are not a couple(?

Ayaka: What do you mean you're not?

Lumine: Biggest lies in all of anime.

Kazuha: At this point I'm sure everyone knows they're boyfriend and girlfriend but themselves.

Thoma:..... Well, Ayato didn't leave Sayu in charge with Scaramouche.

Thoma: Kazuha takes care of her from time to time and helps her train.

Lumine: Are you telling me that Scaramouche will get attached to Sayu and join the overprotective mothers club?

Zhongli: I don't overprotect my children.

Ei: I don't overprotect Kunikuzushi.

Ningguang: I don't overprotect Kazuha.

Lumine: Go to a stranger with that story, don't want to lie to my face.

Lumine: Well, my work is done here, I take my leave.

Thoma: But you haven't done anything.

Lumine: Complaining is tiring.

Lumine: I'll go watch the girls cry about not wanting their vaccines.

Albedo: Vac... what?

Lumine is out of line.

Scaramouche is online.

Scaramouche: @DOTTORE DOES IT DO ANYTHING AND HEAL MY GIRL.

Dottore: I can't experiment on her, can I?

Scaramouche: N O

Dottore: You guys are so boring.

Childe: They want to live Dottore.

Dottore: That's why, boring.

Baizhu: Well, let's get to work, shall we, darling?

Dottore: Going.

Childe: Simp.

Xingqiu: Are all fatuis simp?

Chapter Text

Homosexuals will dominate the world  

Paimon: @everyone HELP!

Paimon: WE HAVE AN EMERGENCY 

Venti and 8 people are online.

Venti: DIONA SUCCESSFULLY DESTROYED THE WINE INDUSTRY? 

Yae Miko: Itto stole Miss Hina's cardboard figure again?

Thoma: Ayato and Ayaka haven't slept?

Yanfei: Beidou evaded his taxes again?

Paimon:......... 

Paimon: We are in teyvat, I thought I would have much more interesting problems.

Yae Miko: We are not all Lumine, we have responsibilities to fulfill.

Paimon: Ok, but Yae has been the closest to solving our problem.

Yae miko: I guess I'll call Sara to bring the figure back.

Sara: Again?

Lumine is on the line.

Lumine has added the one and only Oni Itto.

Lumine has changed the name of The one and only Oni Itto to Itto.

Itto is online.

Sara: Somebody please kill me.

Itto: OYE! THAT NAME IS INCOMPLETE FOR THIS ONI

Lumine: You shut up before I come with a sack full of beans after you.

Itto: No need to be so aggressive either :'(

Venti: Hey, short-tempered Lumine.

Paimon: That's the problem.

Albedo is on the line.

Albedo: Oh, why is Lumine like that?

Paimon: I'll tell you in her own words.

Paimon: BECAUSE I'M SO STUPID, THIS HAS ALREADY HAPPENED TO ME BUT NOOOOOOOO THERE GOES THE DAMN NASTY LADY TO PULL FOR EVEN MORE STUPID ALGUEIN, MY SHENHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Albedo: I see.

Lumine: Get out of the chat, I want to be alone.

Paimon: Somebody help me stop her before she commits a circle of hate.

Childe is on line.

Childe: WAA A CRIME, I'M HERE TO HELP.

Paimon: I WANT TO STOP THE FUTURE CRIME.

Childe: Hum bored.

Paimon: @Zhongli I KNOW YOU CAN HELP ME.

Zhongli is online.

Zhongli: I don't think I'm the right person to appease the wrath of the traveler.

Paimon: A, that's right, about the rerun.

Itto: HA! LUMINE SHOULD BE PROUD TO HAVE ME ON THE TEAM!

Itto: I'M THE STRONGEST IN THESE PLACES.

Lumine: And the stupidest...

Itto: HEY

Sara: It is.

Lumine: If then Shenhe doesn't come home I'm going to sacrifice your soul in tribute.

Paimon: LUMINEEE CALM DOWN

Lumine: DON'T ASK ME TO CALM DOWN

Albedo: It would be good to inject him with a tranquilizer.

Paimon: Since when did you become a doctor?

Kaeya is on line.

Kaeya: She is not.

Kaeya: Inject tranquilizers to whoever passes by and is in a bad mood.

Kaeya: Except Xiao.

Lumine: Simp.

Albedo: It's called respecting your partner.

Kaeya: And I DON'T DESERVE RESPECT?

Albedo: Mmmhhh....

Xiao is online.

Xiao: No mortal life compares to the existence of the adeptus.

Lumine: Woah Xiao with self-respect.

Albedo: We are making progress.

Childe: If you weren't so important to my little boy you wouldn't be alive.

Albedo: :)

Albedo enters the chat.

Venti: Wtf.

Albedo: HELLO WORLD!

Albedo: We should work on your personality too.

Albedo: NO ONE TELLS ME WHAT TO DO.

Lumine:....... it worries me to think he is who I think he is.

Albedo: It is.

Eula is on the line.

Yanfei: DEAR!

Eula: I salute everyone who makes up this group.

Yanfei: Always so polite <3

Eula: Good morning dear.

Yanfei: I'm leaving for Monsdtad, PREPARE FOR MY KISS ATTACK.

Eula: I'll be ready to take my revenge for the previous visit!

Lumine: Find a room, thank you very much.

Yanfei: I'LL SEE YOU THERE LOVE!

Eula: I'll wait for you.

Yanfei is offline.

Eula: Now yes, what I came for.

Eula: Aren't we supposed to have already controlled the Albedo issue?

Albedo: I AM IMPARABLE

Albedo: I could not conclude the issue.

Lumine: Fuck this is a pain in the ass.

Lumine to Albedo the name of Albedo to Albedus.

Albedus: I AM NO IMPOSTOR !

Lumine: You were.

Albedo: We are still looking for a proper name for him.

Lumine: We are?

Lumine: Xiao and you?

Klee is on the line.

Klee: And ME! 

Lumine: Oh, I think I get what's going on.

Kaeya: Albedo is weak against Klee.

Klee: KLEE NOW HAS TWO BROTHERS.

Lumine: That means...

Lumine: Tell me Xiao, how does it feel to have two boyfriends???

Childe: THAT'S MY BOY, SWEEPING WITH ALL THE CATTLE

Albedus: Xiao?

Albedo: DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT

Lumine: Ohno

Xiao: Answering Lumine- I don't know what you're talking about, I'll only be faithful to Albedo for the whole of our existence. 

Lumine: YOU HAVEN'T SAID ANYTHING TO HIM?

Albedo: I didn't see it necessary ....

Xiao: ???

Albedus: What time do you go out for bread, handsome?

Lumine: Can't be.

Lumine: Xiao, to the private, I'll explain everything.

Lumine: Before you put your dick in the wrong hole.

Lumine: Oh that they put your dick in the wrong dick, who knows. 

Albedo: Replying to Albedus- Considering killing you for real.

Albedus: You couldn't.

Albedo: Don't challenge me.

Klee: Don't fight, that's wrong >:(

Albedo: Fine.

Albedus: All right.

Klee: uwu

Klee: I'm going fishing now, brother Albedo 2 wants to join me?

Albedus: Let's go.

Lumine: Who knew I would also be weak to a girl.

Klee: He's out of line.

Albedus is out of line.

Albedo: I must admit, it's easier to take care of Klee when there are two of us.

Lumine: Having siblings has advantages.

Lumine: I speak from experience.

Albedo: I guess you're right.

Albedo is out of line.

Lumine is out of line.

Supreme lords of Fatui

Fandango: WHERE THE FUCK IS MY GIRL GODDAMN FUCKERS.

Spoiled brat: Hey calm down dude.

Fandango: You and I are not friends.

Spoiled brat: SCARA HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT

Spoiled brat: YOU WILL MAKE ME CRY.

Fandango: I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS.

Fandango: IF I DON'T FIND SAYU, KAZUHA WILL KILL ME.

Veterianrio Loco: He's sleeping.

Fandango: IF YOU TOUCH A HAIR I'LL KILL YOU.

Vet Crazy: Go get her then.

Fandango is out of line