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it was supposed to be a good trip. they had it all planned out. things had been a little tense at home lately, with the boys moving in. dream and sapnap hadn’t had a moment to themselves, and by the time they collapsed into their shared double bed, they were both too exhausted to do more than mumble a soft goodnight and pass out before they finished their ‘i love yous’ if they even bothered to say them. life was too busy for the intensity of the relationship they had at the moment, and they were burning out. fast. neither of them wanted that. for all their ups and downs, all the bumps in the road, they loved each other, had loved each other practically since they had met in that lobby, typing ‘123’ for friends, then best friends, then boyfriends, now lovers.
so they decided to go on a camping trip.
god knows why, neither of them were big nature people. sapnap had a great fear of the dark, and dream was not used to roughing it in the slightest. but it was what all the couple blogs had recommended. “they’d be alone”, one of them had said, “with only themselves and nature, there was no way any couple wouldn’t fall back into their natural rhythms and reconnect with one another again.” or maybe it was more like a different, more professional looking website had put it, “camping with a significant other is a lot more than starting a fire by your tent, it’s rekindling the flames in your heart for each other”. whatever the reason couples were supposed to go camping to fix their relationships, here they were.
surprising as it was, dream and sapnap had in fact managed to set up the tent successfully. it only took the whole day, but by the time dusk creeped upon the horizon slowly in the very same way patches would stalk a fabric mouse before pouncing on it, they had a place to sleep for the night.
the plan had been for the two boys to build a fire and perhaps make some s’mores before retiring to sleeping bags. it was still the plan, they had just gotten distracted, giggling and teasing each other, whispering sweet nothings and placing soft kisses to knuckles as sapnap attempted to ignore the darkening of the sky and dream valiantly pretended he didn’t feel the bite of mosquitoes prickling his skin at any given moment. what could he say, he was sweet. by the time they realised that their surroundings included more than just each other, the sky had filled with clouds, and the first few drops were falling from the sky. it smelled like a storm. it smelled like a big one, the kind that overturned telephone poles and uprooted trees, the kind that tore little tents to strips of fabric in the wind.
luckily for them, dream had brought monopoly. sapnap had chided him for it in the car earlier, but now he was glad for his boyfriend’s foresight, and made sure to let dream know it by pressing a soft kiss to his lips as they crawled under the flap of the tent, seeking shelter from the downpour that was about to start.
their knees brushed together as they both attempted to sit cross legged in the cramped space. the small lantern they’d brought easily lit the tent up, washing their faces in pink hued light and highlighting the gentle blushes that had bloomed across their features. sapnap thought this lighting suited dream. his hair was haloed in a pale orange glow, much like an angel, and the usually sharp panes of his face were softened in the warm lantern light. dream looked comfortable, familiar. to sapnap, he looked loveable, for the first time in a while. he looked like home, and maybe it took leaving the house and the rest of their friends behind for sapnap to remember that dream looked like home because he was home.
“you’re staring.” dream whispered, an uncertain grin taking over his features. it had been a long time since they’d been soft together, since they’d allowed themselves to love each other without the reservations of sharing their lives with not only three of their closest friends, but also the world. both halves of the couple were unsure if they could even love like that anymore.
it was like a first date again. taking things slow, uncertain steps towards each other, hoping to meet in the middle.
“i am.” sapnap admitted softly, allowing his gaze to drift lower, to the sweet curve of dream’s lips and the constellation of freckles strewn across his nose and to the tips of his pink tinged ears.
dream huffed a quiet laugh. “alright, simp, show’s over, let’s play some monopoly.” his tone lacked a bite, eyes shining with something sweet. he had missed this.
as if it were hellbent on ruining this moment, a crackle of thunder echoed through their campsite, startling the both of them ( sapnap more noticeably so ). rain drummed on the roof of their tent, and for a brief, terrifying moment sapnap entertained the idea that the tent would collapse atop them, suffocating the lovers. a hesitant hand placed on his thigh interrupted his thoughts before they could get any more realistic. “hey, sap, darling, you okay?” the touch was comforting enough that sapnap found it in himself to force a small smile. “yeah, just...dark.” dream didn’t know about sapnap’s fear of thunder. it was bad enough that he knew about his fear of the dark. it was embarrassing. dream nodded understandingly, and sapnap felt his heart breaking in the best way possible as dream rubbed small circles into the pudgy skin of his thigh with a calloused thumb.
“what piece do you want?” dream broke their reverie, handing sapnap the thimble even as he asked it. sapnap mumbled something that resembled a thank you before taking the piece and setting it on the board. dream picked the top hat. of course. sapnap shook his head affectionately.
another boom of thunder rattled the flimsy tent, and sapnap sunk his nails into the torn skin of his palm, biting down hard on the side of his mouth as he tried to hide his terror amidst a pale face and widened eyes. dream didn’t seem to pick up on it, even as they traded properties and fought over bills and houses, and sapnap’s hands stuttered enough that he dropped all his dollars and they drifted across the tent. “sorry, sorry.” he quickly gathered up the papers that would be worthless the moment they crawled out of the tent tomorrow, but meant everything right now.
dream laughed.
dream was laughing at him.
laughing at sapnap as he scrambled to pick up the money. laughing at him as he attempted to hide his panic, as he did his best to make sure he wouldn’t ruin their trip with his stupid anxieties.
how dare dream laugh at sapnap while sapnap was doing all of this for him.
“stop it.” he grumbled, sitting back on his heels. dream just laughed harder, a wheeze that was probably the first thing about dream sapnap had fallen in love with. he’d never hated anything more. “dude, i can’t believe you dropped all the money, seriously how clumsy can you get?”
logical sapnap would realise that dream was just joking around, had assumed sapnap was joking around too. logical sapnap would be joking with him. but this wasn’t logical sapnap, this was been-hiding-his-fear-of-thunderstorms-for-two-hours sapnap. this was is-my-relationship-falling-apart sapnap. this was my-boyfriend-is-laughing-at-me-while-i’m-on-the-verge-of-a-mental-breakdown sapnap. and he was upset. upset at dream. not the right outlet for his anxiety turned anger, but the closest.
“shut the fuck up.” dream had the decency to look a little taken aback by that. “sap, you alright, love?”
“yes, yes, yes, i’m fine. i’m fine.” his tone was biting, scowl full of scorn. sapnap was most decidely not fine. “just, you’re so,” a frustrated sigh spilled from sapnap’s curled lips, “stop laughing at me.”
they were not on the same wavelength right now. dream’s eyes glimmered with mirth, not understanding what sapnap was trying to say in the slightest. “what, upset about the fact that you’re losing?” he only laughed harder. their dynamic was like this, a push and pull of light hearted teasing, neither of the boys taking it to heart. usually.
“i said stop it.”
“awww, baby, here, i’ll fix it for you.” and sapnap watched in abject horror as dream picked up his thimble and pulled back the flap of the tent, throwing it into the gnawing darkness with a quick toss. “what the fuck?!”
“can’t lose if your piece isn’t on the board, pandas.”
“what the actual fuck? what the fuck dream? why would you do that?” a flash of uncertainty overtook dream’s face for a second before he shook it away. sapnap wasn’t being serious. it was a bit, obviously. there was no reason it wouldn’t be, sapnap hadn’t been upset with him before they started playing monopoly. it was just them messing around. there was no reason for sapnap to be upset for him. so even as dream noticed sapnap’s little tells, hands clenched, jaw firm, the deep wrinkles appearing between his furrowed brows, he ignored them, pushed down the feeling of uneasiness, the feeling that maybe he was crossing a line that shouldn’t be crossed.
“what, too scared to get it, sapnap?” he questioned with a mocking tilt of his head. “no...no, no i’m not. but why should i get it? you’re the fucker who threw it outside.”
dream laughed. “oh, you are scared. i see how it is. poor little sappy, to scared to walk five feet away from the tent to get his monopoly piece.”
sapnap shook his head vigorously, “no, i’m not.” he didn’t want dream to know how his hands shook as he held them behind his back, didn’t want the braver-than-him-blond to see how genuinely terrified sapnap was in this moment, at the idea of venturing outside in a thunderstorm in the dead of the night.
“then go get it.”
“i am, i’m going right now, give me the flashlight.” sapnap crawled towards the tent flap, holding his hand out towards dream, and wrapping his fingers tightly around the cool metal as it was placed in his hand, knuckles turning white at the desperate grip. if dream noticed, he didn’t say anything, and sapnap found himself wondering if dream had actually known this whole time, had been aware of sapnap’s fears, and was toying with him, for some unknown reason. that wouldn’t make any sense though. dream loved him. sapnap was being ridiculous, fear was clouding his mind and making him think in confusing, convoluted strings of thought.
“i love you,” he murmured under his breath as he crawled out of the tent, heart pattering against the bones of his ribs like a rabbit in a cage. the confused chuckle dream let out, indicating he had heard, was lost among the brutal wind.
it was terrifying, in the sense that sapnap could see nothing. every sense except for his sight was being overwhelmed, battered by the storm. winds tugged at the strands of his hair, and he dug his feet into the ground so as not to be swept away. banshee screams echoed in his ears, cold air filling his lungs as every exposed inch of skin was pelted by sharp, stinging drops of rain. he could see nothing and as he fumbled with his flashlight, - why the fuck was this thing so fucking hard to fucking turn on? fuck - he attempted to walk forward, though for all he knew, the storm could’ve turned him around and he was about to crash in the tent. he did not.
sapnap was beginning to shiver, bumps raising on his arms as his clothes became soaked through. his hands were ice cold, dripped with water, and as he struggled to flip the switch to turn the flashlight on, it slipped out of his hands. by now, they were trembling wildly, with fear, cold, he didn’t know. he just knew he was stuck out here with no flashlight and no idea which way the tent was. fuck. fuck. fuck. shit. fuck. oh god.
he couldn’t call for dream, because what if he was literally two feet from the tent, and dream came out and saw him standing there and laughed because what kind of idiot would lose his flashlight and have a panic attack and freak out while standing right outside the tent? and he couldn’t go back to the tent, no, because he needed to get the monopoly piece because dream would ask where it was, because dream wanted to continue the game and sapnap wasn’t about to ruin it for him.
so he, not being of very sound mind, decided to look for the flashlight. sapnap wrapped his arms around himself, wishing he’d worn a coat, and not just his favourite pink sweater ( he’d been insecure about it when dream first bought it for him, telling sapnap that pink was his colour, but not wanting to disappoint dream, sapnap had streamed wearing the sweater, and chat had seemed to agree. they had called him pretty. he liked being pretty. ) because it did little to keep out the chill.
he’d been walking for some time, feet sloshing in the muddy grass ( at least he’d had the sense to wear boots ) when his ankle caught on a tree root, unseeable in the pitch black of night, and sapnap was sent sprawling to the ground, the side of his head grazing rough bark as he collapsed beneath a tree.
sapnap screamed out in pain as snap rang through his head, vibrating in his eardrums and filling him with terror. he struggled to breathe through the pain and panic as he grasped what had happened.
fuck.
he’d broken something. what, he didn’t know. everything hurt. shooting pains wrapped his ankle in a tight grip, travelling up his leg to his hip that had hit the ground at an awkward, rough angle. his head pounded, and he could barely think.
there was no way sapnap was going to be able to get up. he was stuck here until dream came for him. dream must have heard him scream, right?
dream had heard him scream. he’d been scrolling through old photos in his phone ( the one good thing about being out here was that there was no service, he couldn’t check twitter ), smiling at all the ones he’d snuck of sapnap while he wasn’t looking. his boyfriend was pretty, and dream made a mental note to remind him more, because he knew sapnap forgot a lot. the father back in time he went, the more photos of sapnap he had. when had he stopped trying to catch sapnap unawares, midsmile? all these pictures of him were older, where his hair was shorter, and he was only visible through the fuzzy quality of video camera. dream needed more pictures of him.
sapnap had been gone a while, maybe he was faking dream out, punishing him for making sapnap go out in the rain to find a stupid piece of plastic. well, if it was a waiting game sapnap wanted, dream could play. and that was what he had intended on doing before he heard a scream.
sapnap’s scream, he knew it immediately. how could he not, he’d never heard any scream like it before. in any other situation, the half squeal half shriek would be hilarious, especially coming from the mouth of a scruffy twenty year old boy, and not a twelve year old girl, like you’d expect. in this situation, it was horrifying, and dream was barreling through the tent door, nearly taking it with him, as he turned on his flashlight and immediately started yelling sapnap’s name. “SAPNAP! SAPNAP! WHERE ARE YOU?”
sapnap heard a faint rumbling sound underneath the thunder, and prayed it wasn’t a bear. he didn’t want to die here, though it was looking like he might. his head was fuzzy from the pain and he could barely think, but sapnap held tightly onto one thought: dream was coming for him. but he had to make sure dream knew where to look, so he screamed his head off, “DREAM! DREAMMMM, DREAM!” he sobbed over and over, for who knows how long, until his throat was scratched and raw, burning. everything was burning, the rain against his skin, the shivers that racked his body, the fire surrounding his ankle, the blood that dripped down the side of his face and into the corners of his mouth, copper tinged. it burned, all of it burned. his eyes burnt most of all, fighting sleep becoming painful until he could manage it no longer. his last thought before he drifted off to sleep under that looming, wretched tree, was that dream had never come for him.
dream heard sapnap calling his name - he sounded so terrified, and dream tried to not picture his darling lost in the dark somewhere, only wanting for dream to come and find him -, and frantically picked up his pace, running through slick grass, sneakers slipping on the wet ground. he didn’t notice tears had begun to gather at his lashes until he tasted the telltale signs of salt. sapnap, sapnap, where was he? he could hear his boyfriend screaming his horrified heart out, but couldn’t pinpoint where the sound was coming from. the wind took his voice and twisted it around until sapnap’s pleas for help hit dream’s ears from every which angle, making him impossible to locate. hearing sapnap in pain and being unable to find him, to fix everything, was the worst kind of torture imaginable. at least, he thought it was, until the screaming had stopped. that was even worse.
his imagination ran wild with all the things that could have happened to make sapnap stop screaming like that. someone could have kidnapped him, a snake could have bitten him, he could be dead, an animal could have hurt him, a coconut could have fallen onto his head and killed him ( hey, it happened, sapnap had read an article a couple weeks back, and told dream about it one lazy sunday morning while they were lying in bed with nothing to do. apparently one hundred and fifty people died on average a year in florida from coconuts falling on them. ). point is, something terrible must have happened to him in order to make sapnap go quiet.
dream never found him. at least, not that night. he searched all night, legs aching and vision blurring as he walked circles around their tent in the dark, eventually retiring the flashlight when it became light enough for him to rely on his eyes once again.
he was there.
sapnap was there. he was curled up under a tree in the stupid soft pink sweater that they both loved so much. he was sleeping, face eerily calm, and dream would have thought him dead if it weren’t for the rhythmic rise and falling of his chest. he looked ethereal, in the worst way possible. sapnap’s lips were slightly parted, tinged blue, little huffs of laboured breaths spilling from them with every exhale. tears clung, unshed, to his lashes, and his brows were furrowed in pain. dried blood trailed down the side of his face, and dream was immediately falling to his knees before the shivering, sleeping boy upon this realisation. “sapnap, sapnap, oh god, sapnap, love, darling, bunny, please, wake up, wake up.” he gripped sapnap’s shoulders. dream would have shaken him, but he had enough sense, even as he fell into a gaping pit of fear, to know that would probably do more harm to sapnap, and he’d never want to hurt his boy. never.
“wha…” sapnap forced his eyes open with much effort, to see the blurry shape of his boyfriend right above him. “dream?”
dream fell back and let go of sapnap’s shoulders in favour of taking his boyfriend’s hands in his own. “oh, thank god, you’re awake. you scared me, baby. you really did.”
sapnap was too tired for this. too tear stained and empty and wrung out, like a dish towel left in the rain. his cheek shone with salty teardrops as a fresh wave of emotion overtook him. oh god, he was so tired. “dream, dream, you left me. why didn’t you come for me?” his voice was scratchy, raw and grating, evidence of how he’d screamed, like a little boy, just wanting to go home. just wanting his home to come to him. “i called for you, and i waited and waited and you never came looking for me. you never bothered to find me. i waited for you.”
dream’s heartbreak was so severe, it was almost audible. sapnap thought he hadn’t come looking for him, hadn’t even tried to find him. sapnap thought dream had abandoned him, had probably spent all night waiting for dream to arrive and be his hero, to come save him, and he never did. “i’m sorry, sapnap.” he spoke, voice thick with tears he wouldn’t allow to fall. one of them was already crying, that was enough. “i spent all night looking for you, i swear. i’m sorry, sapnap.” he let his head fall forward, burying himself into crook of sapnap’s neck, seeking absolution in the soft skin, but only finding it covered in goosebumps and regret. “i’m so sorry, i never should have made you go out there. i should have come looking for you sooner, i shouldn’t have thrown your piece out, i shouldn’t even have brought fucking monopoly in the first place, heck, you told me to leave it behind, i should have listened, i’m so sorry sap. can you ever forgive me?” he lifted his head to look at sapnap, pleading. he needed sapnap’s forgiveness for entirely selfish reasons, to counter the endless guilt eating away at him, coating his insides in a sickly ink black feeling, an apple that had rotted from the inside out.
sapnap knew dream hadn’t been in control of what had happened last night, hadn’t orchestrated all those events. he was no villain. but it turned out, he was no hero either. at least, not sapnap’s. and a disgusting, desperate part of sapnap that he liked to ignore, but was so loud right now, would always blame dream for what happened. “i forgive you.” he said softly, wincing at the way the sounds clawed at his ears and wormed it’s way into his brain, painful pressure building at his temples. “just don’t...let’s not go camping again, yeah?”
dream laughed dryly. “yeah, we’re not going camping anytime soon. now, c’mon darling, let’s get you home.” despite his fatigue, dream rose to his feet, and bent over, slipping his arms underneath sapnap and hoisting him up into his arms with no more than a slight sigh. “on second thought,” he glanced down at sapnap, who was already half asleep just from the comfort of dream’s arms holding him tightly, “let’s make a quick stop at the ER on the way home.”