Actions

Work Header

I'm climbing in the dark trying not to fall apart

Summary:

The spiraling of his own thoughts was cut short by the sound of a door opening and footsteps thumping across a stone porch. Everything was muffled by the thoughts screaming in his head.

He looked up, untangling his hands from his hair. Phil was standing on the porch to Techno’s cabin, staring at Ranboo with a concerned expression. He was saying something and it only sounded like gibberish in Ranboo’s frantic mind.

--

DSMP, after the incident with the prison and the lessons swirling in Ranboo's head, Sam sends him home and Phil invites him in for some hot chocolate (and some comfort)

Notes:

whoop, I dont know what this is. I am tired and I want cuddles. I don't know why I suddenly had the idea for this but I did and I wrote it and I am tired. Take your angst, your hurt/comfort your platonic cuddling I don't know!!! enjoy.

this is after that one stream, I think on April 23rd????? the one where Ranboo like asked to be put in the prison, the lessons one yknow???

As always this is about the characters on the SMP and not the content creators!

Trigger warning for disassociation, slight descriptions of a panic attack

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

A fog settled over Ranboo’s mind, clogging his ability to think and he struggled to blink away the pressure against the back of his eyes. His footsteps crunched against snow, the only sound that registered in his mind.

 

94 reasons.

 

There were 94 lessons, 94 reasons that he shouldn’t be trusted. Possibly more, very likely more.

 

His own footsteps seemed to echo. Snowflakes stung marks against his skin, small dots that hissed and steamed in the cool arctic air.

 

He figured that he had to be somewhere near his house. The snow that soaked into his pants was enough to give him a hint of where he was. The back of his mind was clouded, a familiar creeping feeling that pushed against his skull. He dug the heels of his palms against his eyes, sucking in shaky breath after shaky breath.

 

There were 94 reasons.

 

He had to get home. He had to find out. He needed answers.

 

Ranboo’s tail lashed back and forth, the end of it dragging against the fluffy snow as it settled around him. A distressed warble left his throat and he curled his arms around himself. 

 

 He only began to realize that he was walking himself in circles when he noticed the familiar footsteps in front of himself and got confused about how he had managed to turn himself around.

 

Where was his home? 

 

Looking up, Ranboo squinted through the snow and the lack of light. His vision was blurring around the edges and the headache that was beginning to throb against his skull was making it hard to focus. Everything hurt, his entire body ached and he wanted nothing more than to curl up in a ball and sleep for the rest of his life.

 

The pressure in the back of his eyes threatening to surface and the fear of losing control kept him in a suspended state of half-consciousness. His movements were starting to become lethargic and he swayed on his feet, dragging his boots against the snow.

 

Why couldn’t things just be simple? Why couldn’t he just be normal?

 

Why couldn’t he even trust his own mind?

 

The spiraling of his own thoughts was cut short by the sound of a door opening and footsteps thumping across a stone porch. Everything was muffled by the thoughts screaming in his head.  

 

He looked up, untangling his hands from his hair ( how had they got there? ). Phil was standing on the porch to Techno’s cabin, staring at Ranboo with a concerned expression. He was saying something and it only sounded like gibberish in Ranboo’s frantic mind.

 

His chest was heaving, tears were welling up in the corners of his eyes, and digging gouges into his cheeks as they fell, licking steam against the winter air.  

 

Ranboo blinked and Phil was closer now, he had his hands spread in a placating gesture and he looked Ranboo up and down, avoiding eye contact. Ranboo took a step back, nearly tripping over his boots.

 

“Ranboo, you’re gonna get yourself sick pacing around out here,” Phil said worriedly, his hand hovered just over Ranboo’s arm as if he was too scared to touch Ranboo, “come inside mate. I’ll make some hot chocolate.”

 

Ranboo didn’t say anything, his tongue felt like lead in his mouth and he felt like if he tried to say something it would only come out in a jumbled mix of common and ender. Not something he wanted Phil to try to have to translate.

 

Without another word, Phil ushered him inside. His hands brushing against Ranboo’s arm and sending shocks of static electricity down his spine. He found himself leaning into the lingering of touch, longing for it.

 

Technoblade was sitting at the small kitchen table, a book in his hand and a pair of reading glasses perched at the end of his snout. His ear twitched when the two of them entered and he looked up, glancing at Phil, then to Ranboo. He didn’t say anything and turned back to his book, adjusting his glasses when they began to slip down.

 

Phil guided him to sit on one of the couches near the fire. Ranboo did so without complaint. Everything was so fuzzy, he wanted to go home but it was warm here and something was telling him that it was safe. He pressed himself deeper into the couch cushions, pulling his knees up against his chest.

 

His memory was slipping and he wasn’t even sure how he had managed to get home. He flexed his paws, his claws extending before retracting as he relaxed into the couch.  

 

It took him a few moments to realize that Phil wasn’t in the room anymore. He looked up, a chirp bubbling up his throat and he glanced around the room, his ears drooping. There was a sound of footsteps and Phil peeked his head back in the room.

 

“Are you hungry?” Phil asked, shifting his weight from foot to foot. The wing bound to his back twitched against the bindings.

 

Ranboo gave no response or any indication that he had understood or heard the question. Phil figured that he could offer some crackers and Ranboo could eat them if he was hungry. The enderman hybrid was staring off into the fire, the warm glow of it reflecting across his eyes that were still glistening with tears.

 

What was alarming was the slight glow that was cast from them. His red eye seems darker than before, shifting to a more maroon-ish hue while the green one was dulled closer to a blue. It was an interesting sight. Ranboo kept blinking tiredly, occasionally looking around the room like he had just realized where he was.

 

Phil didn’t spend too long examining him, the milk on the stove already heightening his stress.

 

“What’s up with him?” Techno asked, glancing up from his book at Phil who was bustling around the kitchen, pouring hot chocolate into three mugs.

 

“I don’t know,” Phil said, taking in a slow breath, “he seems out of it. I’m hoping this’ll help ground him some.”

 

Techno nodded, taking the mug of hot chocolate that Phil offered him. Phil stepped into the living room and Ranboo looked up, his ear twitched and he tilted his head to the side.  

 

Phil handed him the mug and for a few seconds, Ranboo just stared at it before he seemed to get the hint that he was supposed to take it. Lethargically, he took hold of the mug with both hands, running his fingers over the surface of it and absorbing the warmth.

 

He stared down at the chocolate liquid, watching the steam flick against the air. It was a different feeling than watching the steam from his own tears fill the air. He rubbed his face against the crook of his elbow, holding the mug of hot chocolate close to him.

 

Phil settled in the armchair a few feet away, giving Ranboo his space but remaining in the same room. Neither of them said anything and Ranboo continued to hold the mug without taking a drink. Ranboo’s tail was settled limply on the couch cushions next to him, barely twitching or moving in the idle ways that Phil was used to.

 

This whole situation was surreal. Ranboo was humming and making soft chirping noises that came from the back of his throat. Distinctly enderman-like but with a slightly different tone to it.

 

After several minutes, he finally lifted the mug to his lips and took a sip.

 

“Hey mate, you with me?” Phil asked, setting his own empty mug down on the coffee table in front of them. He had been silently sipping on it while he waited for Ranboo to collect himself.

 

Ranboo blinked, tilting his head up to look over at the room. Phil could see the shift in his eyes from red and green to a striking and concerning purple glow. He vrwooped and said nothing in common.

 

“Ah…” Phil picked at the fabric of his pants, averting his gaze. He stood up and gently held out a hand to Ranboo, “are you done with that?”

 

The enderman hybrid tilted his head to the side before holding out the mug. Phil set it on the coffee table next to his own empty one.

 

“I don’t suppose you wanna talk about what happened?” Phil asked, he settled himself on the couch next to Ranboo, making sure that he didn’t accidentally sit on his tail.

 

Ranboo let his eyes slip shut for a moment, his head lolling forward before he blinked again and looked up. His tail began curling back and forth from where it had been resting on the couch. The fluff at the end of it tickled Phil’s arm. Ranboo rubbed at his face again, wincing as his hand rubbed against the painfully fresh tear scars.

 

“How are you feeling now, though?” Phil asked, he reached out, pressing the back of his hand to Ranboo’s forehead. Ranboo leaned into the touch, his shoulders slumping. His skin was a bit warmer than usual which was concerning. Along with the fact that Ranboo’s body temperature always ran a little under the average for a human.

 

When Phil moved his hand away, Ranboo let out a mournful warble, swaying from where it was sitting. The noise startled Phil, he curled his hand back, unsure of what that noise meant.

 

Then, Ranboo shifted, he moved so that he was pressed against Phil’s side, his tail curling back and forth and he gave another warble. His breath came in soft puffs that Phil could feel against his shoulder.

 

“Oh…” Phil licked his lips, he leaned forward some, stretching his good wing out so that it moved to rest around Ranboo, curling around the enderman. Everything that was going on right now seemed so out of character for the unusually quiet kid next to him.  

 

Sure, Ranboo favored silence over speaking, but never this quiet. And Phil didn’t like the look of his eyes, who knew if he was sick with something. Whatever it was, Phil had no idea what it was, but he didn’t seem to be sick right now. Just a tad shaken up from whatever had just happened (something that Phil had yet to figure out).

 

Phil curled his fingers through Ranboo’s hair, brushing through the long tangled strands as gently as he could. Ranboo chirped with content, his eyes slipped closed and he hummed. Ranboo’s tail curled around Phil’s waist, causing Phil to startle before he realized what it was.

 

A steady stream of purrs and chirps was emitting from the enderman hybrid as Phil continued to run his fingers through his hair and twist the strands absently. It was hard to tell at what point Ranboo ended up falling asleep due to the constant noises of content that he continued to make, even long after he had fallen asleep.

 

Phil scratched at his head with his other hand, letting out a small breath. This certainly wasn’t what he had expected when he had noticed Ranboo pacing back and forth in the snow. And this certainly wasn’t an outcome that Phil ever could’ve predicted from Ranboo.

 

But whenever Phil’s movements stilled and he figured that he could try and move away to cover Ranboo with a blanket and try and clean up the house, Ranboo would hiss under his breath, giving a small distressed chirp that made Phil’s heart clench and forcing him to stay where he was. 

 

Techno walked in at one point, looked at the two of them with an unreadable expression before climbing up the ladder to his bedroom. He returned a few moments later with a blanket and handed it to Phil who managed to drape it over the two of them.

 

The fire was still going strong and providing a faint glow over the living room as well as a comfortable warmth. Ranboo would wake up eventually, no memory of this happening but the feeling of safety around him, still huddled up in Phil’s arms long after the Avian had fallen asleep.

 

 

Notes:

MmmmmMMM soft. its like two and a half in the morning im going to bed. Thanks for reading! goodnight!

the title is from Take you down by Illenium

Series this work belongs to: