Archive of Our Own

1. nail paint

The first time Juyeon started to experiment with more ‘feminine’ items was at the tender age of twelve. His family was off visiting his grandparents’ house so he was stuck home alone and for some reason, his parents felt that he couldn’t be left home alone over the weekend so they paid his next door neighbor to babysit him.

So here he is, sitting on the floor of his living room, as his neighbor cooks some ramyeon for him in the kitchen. he’s watching some action movie on tv when yongsun walks back into the room, handing him the cup of ramyeon before sitting on the couch to play with her phone.

Juyeon slowly grows bored of the movie so he turns to look at Yongsun, looking her up and down with furrowed brows. His family always say yongsun is very pretty and his friends always call her ‘hot’ when they come over to his house. Juyeon doesn’t get it. Juyeon can see that she wears cool clothes and that she has nice hair and she does nice makeup but he doesn’t understand why people think she’s attractive.

He quickly turns back to the movie when she suddenly catches his gaze. But then he turns back and his focus falls on her nails. Her perfectly manicured nails, painted a bold red.

“Why do you paint your nails?”

Yongsun looks up from her phone then looks at her nails. “I think they look pretty,” she answers before showing off her nails to Juyeon and asking, “Don’t you think they look pretty?”

Juyeon looks at her nails and quietly admits to himself that they do look pretty. “I guess,” Juyeon replies and looks down at his ramyeon, feeling a bit awkward now.

“Do you wanna paint your nails?”

Juyeon’s head snaps up to look at Yongsun soon, his eyebrows furrowed. “I thought only girls painted their nails.”

“Nonsense. Guys can too.” Juyeon simply hums in response so she continues, “So, do you want to?”

Juyeon stays quiet for a moment then he nods. The movement is so slight Yongsun almost doesn’t catch it. But she does and she smiles. “I’ll get my nail polish from my house then.”

“My mom has some in her room.” Juyeon is quiet as he says this, almost like he can’t believe he’s even thinking about this.

“Okay then, why don’t you go up and choose a color you like. I’ll clean up the living room first.” Juyeon nods but makes no move. Yongsun just watches, not wanting to pressure him but she can’t help the smile that graces her face when Juyeon gets up and walks upstairs, his steps a little faster than usual.

He comes back down just as Yongsun has finished cleaning up and he sits on the couch, putting the nail polish on the coffee table. Yongsun walks over to where he’s sitting and grabs the bottle.

“Navy...good choice.” She uncaps the bottle and gestures for Juyeon’s hands.

Juyeon is hesitant in his movements but eventually he allows her to grab his hand. The first brush of the polish is surprisingly cold. But he slowly relaxes as Yongsun paints his nails with skilled strokes.

They remain silent for most of the time until Juyeon decides to break the silence. “Noona...do you think girls are pretty?”

Yongsun doesn’t even look up at him as she answers, focusing on his nails instead. “Of course. Don’t you?”

Juyeon shakes his head. “Not really. My family always says you’re pretty and my friends think you’re...hot. But I don’t see it.”

Yongsun throws him a look of mock hurt. “I’m a little offended.”

“Sorry,” he says sheepishly.

Yongsun smiles and goes back to painting his nails. “That’s fine, maybe you just haven’t found the right girl,” Yongsun answers as she finishes painting the last nail. “Or maybe you just don’t like girls, that’s cool too.”

Yongsun lets go of his hand and closes the nail polish. “All done!”

Juyeon stays silent as he looks at his nails. Even as Yongsun tells him to be careful because the polish isn’t dry yet, he remains quiet.

Yongsun watches his face, ready to offer to clean the polish off when his face breaks out in a big grin. His lip tails curl up and his eyes turn into crescents, making look so much like a cat. “I love them, Noona. Thank you.”

Yongsun returns the smile and ruffles his hair. “You’re welcome.”

(On Monday, Juyeon goes to school with his navy blue nails. He enters his classroom and takes a seat next to Hyunjae, like he usually does. He puts his stuff down as Hyunjae simply stares at him silently. Suddenly the older boy grabs his hands and stares intently at his nails.

Hyunjae doesn’t say anything so Juyeon does. “Yongsun-noona painted them.”

Hyunjae hums. “It’s a nice color.”

“Thanks...I chose it.”

“Maybe we could paint each other’s nails some time,” Hyunjae says, finally letting go of Juyeon’s hand and Juyeon can’t help but wonder why he misses the warmth of Hyunjae’s hand clasping his.

Hyunjae smiles at him and Juyeon’s heart flutters at how pretty his hyung is.)

2. crop tops

The second time Juyeon experimented was during high school. He’s seventeen now and he still wears nail polish. He liked painting his nails, it made him feel cool. Some people thought it was weird, his parents thought it was weird. But they let him because it makes him happy.

His friends, the ones whose opinions he cares about, they think it’s cool. They paint their nails too. Sometimes they hang out and paint each other’s nails. He no longer paints them just navy blue, but sometimes black or red when he’s feeling bolder. Sometimes it’s yellow, other times it’s green. Then there’s times when he lets his friends draw flowers and patterns on them. But his favorite is still navy blue. Navy blue suits him best, according to Hyunjae.

Right now, he’s currently at Changmin’s house with Kevin and Chanhee, sitting in Changmin’s room, painting each other’s nails. Kevin and Chanhee are talking about anything under the sun as he and Changmin scroll online for outfit ideas for their dance cover video.

“Juyeon, this discussion could go a lot faster if you stopped rejecting all of my ideas.”

“No. This discussion could go a lot faster if you stopped giving me bad ideas.”

“Ugh, seriously we could’ve shot this video like last week. The only reason we haven’t is because you can't seem to pick an outfit.”

“Why don’t we just choose for you? Me and Kevin, I mean,” Chanhee offers.

Juyeon thinks about it for a moment. “Sure, it can’t be worse than Changmin’s ideas.”

“Hey!” Changmin squawks offendedly.

“Okay then why don’t we just go shopping now?” Kevin suggests and they all nod in agreement.

And so they take the bus over to the closest department store. Once they get there, Changmin, Chanhee and Kevin all spread out to look for possible outfits, leaving Juyeon on his own.

Juyeon decides to walk aimlessly around the store, listening to the song he and Changmin plan on covering when he suddenly finds himself in the women’s clothing section.

He turns to leave the aisle when something catches his eye. He stops in his tracks and turns to look at it. It’s a simple button up, black in color and made of denim, the bottom of the shirt frayed stylishly. But the most important part is the length of the shirt.

It’s cropped. As in, a crop top.

A crop top so obviously designed for women but Juyeon can’t help but wonder what it would look like on him. He stares at it silently before reaching out to feel the material. It’s soft, soft enough to feel comfortable against his skin.

“Juyeon-ah.”

A hand on his shoulder breaks him out of his trance. And he retracts his hand quickly, like a child getting caught with his hand in the candy jar. He turns to the source of the voice and his lips parts in surprise.

“Hyunjae-hyung.”

“Juyeonie, whatcha doing here?” Hyunjae asks him, wrapping an arm around Juyeon’s shoulder.

“I-I was just walking around, I’m waiting for the guys to finish searching,” Juyeon stutters out.

“The guys?”

“Chanhee, Kevin and Changmin. They’re helping me choose an outfit for me and Changmin’s dance cover,” Juyeon explains.

“Ah...and you were considering wearing this?” Hyunjae asks, gesturing to the crop top.

“N-no. I was just looking.” Juyeon looks away, too nervous to look at his hyung.

“Hmm, I think it would suit you though. Why not give it a try?” Hyunjae asks, searching through the rack.

“I don’t know, isn’t it a bit...girly?”

Hyunjae takes one of the tops from the rack, one that looks like it would fit Juyeon’s size. “Clothes don’t have gender, Juyeon-ah. Just try it on, come on. I’ll keep you company in the fitting room.”

Juyeon nods and takes the shirt from Hyunjae, who leads them to the fitting rooms with a hand resting on the small of Juyeon’s back.

Juyeon walks into the fitting room and takes a moment for himself. Is he really doing this? He looks at the shirt once more and decides to just get it over with.

He quickly tugs his own shirt off and puts on the top. He lets out a shaky exhale before looking into the mirror.

His eyes widen and his jaw drops a little. The shirt is short enough to show off his waist and it’s loose enough that if he lifted his arms, you could see his ribs.

Juyeon...likes it. He looks good in it and it makes him feel cool. He smiles at his reflection and walks out of the room to show Hyunjae.

Hyunjae looks up from his phone when he hears the door open and his jaw drops at the sight of Juyeon. He looks the younger boy up and down, subconsciously biting his bottom lip.

Juyeon looks down, feeling self-conscious under Hyunjae’s gaze. “Does it look bad?”

“W-what? No! Of course not. Juyeon...you look amazing,” Hyunjae reassures him.

“Really?”

“Really…” Hyunjae walks closer to him and places his hands on Juyeon’s waist, squeezing him just slightly. “I’ve never noticed how small your waist is…”

Hyunjae’s eyes are focused on his waist and Juyeon’s eyes are focused on his face. He’s always known that the older boy was handsome but this is the first time he’s seen his hyung from this close. Juyeon takes advantage of the moment to appreciate his hyung’s features.

Hyunjae lifts his gaze from the sight of his hands around Juyeon’s waist and the two lock eyes. The air is heavy and tense as they stare at each other in silence. Juyeon maybe a little bit taller than Hyunjae, but the older’s gaze manages to make him feel small.

“Juyeonie!” The two break apart and see that Changmin is running towards them, Chanhee and Kevin following behind him.

“Hyunjae-hyung!” Changmin greets the older man before turning his gaze to Juyeon. “Juyeon-ah...that shirt is perfect!”

“We should look for pants that will match it then we’ll have your outfit.”

“Ah, I actually found a pair of jeans that are perfect. Here!” Kevin says, holding up a pair of jeans made of the same material as Juyeon’s top. He hands it over to Juyeon who takes it and goes back into the fitting room to try it on.

He grins after he puts it on, the outfit suits him so perfectly that he even takes a mirror selfie. He walks out of the room and everyone’s jaws drop. Changmin squeals in delight and Chanhee claps excitedly. Kevin hypes him so much to the point that Juyeon almost feels embarrassed. Hyunjae simply looks him up and down, checking him out from head to toe before locking eyes with him.

And winking.

Juyeon blushes.

“Okay, get changed, we’re definitely getting this fit,” Changmin says. So, Juyeon buys it. As well as a few more crop tops that his friends choose out for him.

He’s happy.

(He and Changmin finally get to shoot the video and it’s a huge success. All his friends compliment their dance and they tell him that he looks good in his outfit. Yet none of the compliments made him feel the same way Hyunjae’s gaze did.)

3. makeup

The third time is when he’s about to graduate high school. He’s nineteen and he’s just finished his exams. So naturally that means he should celebrate.

And obviously to celebrate, he’ll be going to a party with his friends. Which is why all of his friends are currently in his room, helping him get ready for the party.

Well, just Chanhee. The boy is browsing through his closet to pick out an outfit whilst Changmin and Kevin simply sit on his bed, taking selfies. Juyeon sits on the edge of his bed, watching as Chanhee keeps throwing clothes onto his floor.

He sighs resignedly, knowing he’ll have to clean up the mess after this.

“Okay, this is perfect!” Juyeon looks away from the mess on the floor to look at Chanhee who’s holding up his clothes.

A tight black racing shirt with ‘MISBHV’ written across the chest and extremely ripped jeans. Juyeon nods and moves to take them but Chanhee moves them away before he can. “It needs a little something else though. Wait.” Chanhee drops the clothes on the bed and walks over to his bag, pulling out some sort of cloth.

“This.” This being fishnet leggings. Juyeon blinks in surprise and just stares at Chanhee. Chanhee takes this as a challenge so he stares back.

Juyeon sighs and takes the fishnets as well as the clothes on the bed and walks over to the bathroom. He closes the door and quickly changes into the outfit. He’s surprised at how well the fishnets fit him and he admits that they complete the look.

He walks out and Chanhee claps in delight, even Changmin and Kevin finally pay attention to them. Changmin lets out noises of awe and Kevin gets up from his spot on the bed to get a better look.

Kevin hums in thought. “I think he needs makeup.”

Chanhee gasps. “You’re right!” He ushers Juyeon to sit down as Kevin grabs some makeup from Chanhee’s bag. Juyeon isn’t sure what’s happening to his face but he simply lets them do whatever they want.

Once they’re done doing whatever it is they did, Juyeon looks into the mirror and his eyes widen. Now, Juyeon has always known that he’s good looking but this is just ridiculous.

The eyeliner makes him look even more like a cat and emphasizes the sharpness of his eyes. His lips look pinker and his skin looks like it’s glowing. It also seems like Kevin added gems above his left brow in the midst of styling his hair to show off his undercut.

Juyeon did not think he could get any hotter but apparently he can.

(Everyone at the party thinks so too. A few girls try to give him their phone number and he accepts them even if he does throw them away in the end.

What matters most though is Hyunjae’s opinion. From the moment they see each other, Hyunjae can’t take his eyes off Juyeon. There’s a look in his eyes akin to hunger and Juyeon almost shivers.

Hyunjae walks over to him and rests a hand on his waist, leading him to get a drink before they eventually sit down. Hyunjae’s rests his hand on top of Juyeon’s thigh as they talk and sometimes he slips them under the holes of his jeans to play with the fishnets.

Juyeon tries his hardest to ignore the burning sensation but everything feels hot. Hyunjae’s touch, Hyunjae’s gaze, even the way he talks makes Juyeon feel like he’s on fire.)

4. heels

The fourth time is when he’s in college. He’s twenty and studying dance at a dance academy in the city. Changmin is there too, his eternal dance partner. Kevin and Chanhee sadly don’t attend the same academy, instead they study at an art school about an hour away. Kevin majoring in art and Chanhee in fashion.

Hyunjae goes there too, studying acting. Which makes Juyeon a little sad because they don’t get to see each as often like they did back in high school. Pair that with their incredibly busy schedules, they don’t even get to talk that often anymore.

Which is why he’s super excited for today. He’s currently visiting Chanhee at the academy, along with Changmin. Chanhee asked him to come, to help him with a project for one of his courses.

He hopes that he’ll get to see Hyunjae.

“Thank you again for agreeing to help, Juyeon-ah,” Chanhee thanks him as Juyeon and Changmin are putting their stuff down. Changmin leaves the two of them to talk so he can bother Kevin who’s working on the set design.

“It’s not a bother at all, Chanhee.” Juyeon reassures him with his signature cat-like smile and a pat on his shoulder.

“Shh, call me New,” Chanhee tells him with a cheeky smile.

A crease forms between Juyeon’s eyebrows. “New? Why?”

“It’s what everyone here calls me, ‘cause I keep coming up with new ideas. Which is what I need your help with,” Chanhee tells him.

“I doubt I can help you with fashion,” Juyeon says, looking down at his outfit of a hoodie and sweatpants.

Chanhee snickers. “Not with fashion, I need you to model for me. Our professor asked us to get someone to model our designs and do a small photoshoot. The best one will be on the cover of the next issue of our school magazine.”

Juyeon nods understandingly. “Oh, that’s cool.”

“Yes, exactly, now put those on.” Chanhee points to the clothes hanging on a rack, having just been steamed to get rid of any wrinkles and crinkles. “Changmin-ah! Help me set up the lights, I wanna adjust the camera first,” Chanhee shouts as he walks over to the other boys.

Juyeon walks to a small closet in the room, which he assumes also acts as a fitting room. He makes quick work of taking off his clothes and puts on the outfit Chanhee gave him. The top is a white, long sleeved-blouse. The collar of it had long strips of material, almost like ribbons and the sleeves were puffed and had ruffles. The pants were black slacks with flaps around the waist almost like a little skirt.

He walks out of the room and Chanhee immediately rushes to his side, adjusting the clothes. “You need to tuck in the shirt so we can show off your proportions. Also, go put those shoes on,” his friend tells him, pointing towards the side.

Heels.

A pair of black, high-heeled boots made of leather.

Juyeon tucks the shirt in as he walks over to the shoes after Chanhee leaves him to boss Kevin around with the set. He sits down next to the shoes, his eyes never once leaving them.

His hands are slow and hesitant as they reach over to grab it. He slowly brings them closer to him and unzips the sides with shaky hands. He doesn’t understand why he’s nervous. He paints his nails and wears crop tops and puts on makeup, so why do the heels make him nervous?

He puts them on and they fit perfectly so he quickly zips them back and tries to stand up. His first attempt is unsuccessful as he falls back to the floor. Kevin rushes over to his side and offers him a hand to help him up.

Juyeon gladly accepts it and Kevin pulls him up to his feet. He wobbles a bit, trying to find his balance as he holds onto Kevin for support and his friend helps him walk over to the set where Chanhee and Changmin are currently arguing over the arrangement of lights. The two stop fighting to look at Juyeon and Changmin lets out a gasp whereas Chanhee fusses over his clothes, adjusting them a little.

Once Chanhee is done, he moves away from Juyeon to scan his work. “Okay, now let’s do your hair and makeup. Kevin, Changmin, you two keep working on the set.” He ushers Juyeon over to a chair in front of a mirror and quickly gets to work on his makeup.

The makeup is fairly simple, just some eyeliner to emphasize Juyeon’s cat-like eyes and smokey eyeshadow and a little bit of silver over his left eye to create a dramatic look.

His hair is a different story. Chanhee styles it back to expose his forehead. The hair parts from the side, leaving some strands to fall on the left but the most interesting part is the accessories. Chanhee styles blue feathers into his hair, arranging them to resemble a crown. And at the end of it, Juyeon is left wondering just how good Chanhee is at this.

Juyeon gets up from the chair once Chanhee finally finishes the final touches and he walks over to the set that Kevin and Changmin have finished working on. It’s awkward at first, he’s not quite sure what to do with his hands and face but with some help from his friends, he manages.

By the time Chanhee is finally satisfied with the pictures, it’s already late but Juyeon doesn’t mind spending a little more time to look at the pictures.

He must admit that he looks cool and the heels really complete the look. But he can’t say he enjoys wearing them.

After they finish looking at the pictures, he gets changed quickly so he and Changmin can get back. They tell their friends goodbye and make their way home. As they make their way back home, he realizes that he never got to see Hyunjae which leaves him a little disappointed.

(But that’s okay because a couple of weeks later, he gets a text from Hyunjae asking him to video call. The two spend hours catching up and Juyeon is delighted to see his hyung’s face again, even if just through a screen.

Hyunjae tells him that he's been super busy with an upcoming production and Juyeon tells him about a choreography he’s been working on.

“By the way, I saw your picture in my school’s magazine. You looked really cool,” Hyunjae suddenly mentions.

Juyeon’s head tilts. “Oh? Chanhee told me his professor really liked his submission but I didn’t know that it was going to be published.”

“You were on the cover of it,” Hyunjae says as a matter of factly.

“Really?” Juyeon moves back in surprise.

Hyunjae quickly lifts up the magazine to the camera so Juyeon can see his picture on the cover. “Yeah, why else would I buy the magazine? I never do except this one time,” Hyunjae tells him while looking at the magazine’s cover. “You look really good here. The heels suit you.”

Juyeon hums. “Didn’t really like them though, but they did look cool.”

Hyunjae nods. “I should probably ask Chanhee for these pictures of you, you look hot.” Hyunjae smirks at him and Juyeon blushes.)

5. skirts

Juyeon is twenty-two and works as a dance teacher in the city. He lives in an apartment close to his workplace and he takes the morning bus there everyday. Before work, he makes coffee and prepares a simple breakfast. He also prepares his clothes the night before and has a bathroom routine that he always follows.

All of these things prove that Juyeon is a functioning adult.

So, why does he feel like a child right now?

For context, it’s Halloween and this year, Changmin and Chanhee are holding a costume party at their place. He and Hyunjae have planned to wear matching costumes, like they have done every year throughout their entire friendship.

This year they decided to go as an angel and devil. Yes, cliche but it was also probably the most versatile idea. Hyunjae had immediately decided that Juyeon would be the angel, stating he had heavenly visuals which would make him perfect for the role. The statement left Juyeon flushed pretty pink.

They had planned the idea about three weeks ago, leaving them plenty of time to look for a costume. But Juyeon had been so caught up with work that he had only left himself a little over a day to actually start planning his costume.

He and Hyunjae had agreed on doing a cooler, more modern rendition of an angel and devil (Hyunjae said he would simply wear all black clothes and a devil horn headband and be done with it), so at least he didn’t have to get an actual costume. Juyeon decided to go to the department store to choose out some clothes. Anything white will do. He thinks about what else to do as he looks through the rack of clothes. He plans on wearing gold-themed makeup and then wearing a gold leaf headpiece to complete the look. Which means he needs to go to the costume shop anyway. He should probably get angel wings too.

He’s so lost in thought that he doesn’t even notice that he’s walked into the women’s section. Unlike last time, he doesn’t immediately walk out. Instead he looks around a bit and at the far end of the aisle, he finds a white sweater. It has long sleeves and the material is so soft, it feels like holding a teddy bear which makes Juyeon smile.

He looks for one his size and looks for a mirror, holding it up to his front to see what it would look like. He decides to take it and continues to look for a pair of pants to match when suddenly his eyes drift to another item.

He walks over to it slowly and reaches out to touch it.

A dress.

A pretty, white dress made of silk. It’s a very modest dress, the length probably just a little above his knee if he were to wear it and it’s plain white in color. The sleeves are short and flowy. Butterfly sleeves, Chanhee would tell him.

He thinks to himself for a moment before sighing. He walks back to where he took the sweater and puts it back before looking for a dress that would fit his figure. When he finds one, he gives it a quick once over and sees that the back of the dress is...not there.

It’s a backless dress.

He lets out another sigh and moves to put it back when he suddenly stops. Then he turns and walks over to the cashier, the dress in hand. He quickly pays for it but he never makes eye contact with the cashier, scared to see judgement behind their eyes.

So he leaves the store with a dress for himself.

After that he goes to a costume store to buy angel wings and headpiece, which he finds fairly fast which is good because he wants to get home as fast as possible.

Once he gets home, he quickly shoves the shopping bag with the dress in it into the back of his closet. Not brave enough to try it. He’s scared.

Scared to know what this means.

Scared of learning more about himself.

Nail polish was fine because his neighbor told him it was fine. Crop tops were fine because his friends told him it was fine. Makeup was fine because his friends said it was. Heels were fine because his friends told him it was.

Everything before was easy because they were all things other people suggested for him.

This. This was different.

He decided this himself. No one else was with him this time. No one to tell him that it was fine. And what if it isn’t?

That was yesterday.

Today is Halloween, which is the day of the party. Hyunjae is on his way to pick him up which leaves him ten minutes to get ready.

And he almost is. His hair is styled and he’s done his makeup, white eyeliner with gold details to make it look like he’s crying gold and even some face gems to make him look even more ethereal. His headpiece is ready and so are his wings.

He just needs to put on his clothes.

He’s laid out two outfits on his bed. The dress and another all white outfit, a wool sweater and cotton pants.

He still hasn’t tried on the dress.

He keeps looking at it and he lets out a sigh. “You don’t even know if it’s gonna fit. Maybe it won’t and you can just wear the other outfit. Just..try it on. It’s just a dress, Juyeon.”

He takes a deep breath and takes off his clothes to put on the dress. After he gets it on, he doesn’t look into the mirror. He looks down first, sees how the skirt looks and examines how the material feels on his skin.

Slowly, he turns to the mirror and he gasps when he sees his reflection.

He looks...pretty.

He twirls around to look at the back and he smiles. He giggles as spins around and the dress twirls prettily.

“Juyeon-ah?” Juyeon stops in his tracks and looks to the door.

Hyunjae is standing at the door, eyes wide and lips parted in shock. Juyeon suddenly feels scared. Scared at what Hyunjae might think. Because this...this is something he’s not sure of yet. He’s just started learning about this part of himself too.

“Hyung…”

“Juyeon-ah...what are you wearing?”

He looks down, ashamed. He feels like a child getting caught doing something they weren’t supposed to. “I was just…” His voice is shaky as he tries to answer. But he can’t seem to get past the lump in his throat and suddenly a sob breaks out.

“Juyeon!” Hyunjae quickly rushes to his side and Juyeon throws himself into his hyung’s chest. Hyunjae tries his best to calm him down, stroking his hair and hushing him gently. Hyunjae rubs his back but freezes when he touches the skin of Juyeon’s back, realizing that the dress is backless. He quickly recovers and continues to comfort the younger.

“Hey...what’s wrong?” Hyunjae asks when Juyeon finally calms down a bit.

“I’m-I’m sorry…” Juyeon hiccups, tears still streaming down his face. “I know I’m not supposed to wear dresses.”

“What? Nonsense. Juyeon...I told you before, didn’t I? Clothes don’t have gender.”

Juyeon nods silently before speaking, “I know...but I’m not...even sure what gender I am.”

Hyunjae exhales. “Okay...this feels like an important discussion. Maybe we should skip the party and talk about this.”

“No! We promised our friends we would go so we should go.”

Hyunjae sighs and smiles fondly. “Fine, we can go. But promise me, we’ll talk more about this tomorrow.” Juyeon nods excitedly. “Okay then let’s fix your makeup.”

Hyunjae helps style his hair as Juyeon fixes his makeup. Once he’s done, he puts on the wings and the headpiece. Only then does he finally look at Hyunjae’s outfit.

True to his word, he simply wears an all black outfit with a devil horn headband. But does he look good . He’s wearing a black suit with a black button up underneath, the first two buttons are left unbuttoned, exposing his built chest.

But Juyeon admits that he’s a little disappointed at how simple his outfit is. “Hyung, let me do your makeup.”

Hyunjae leans back in shock but agrees anyway.

Juyeon grins happily and quickly works on Hyunjae’s makeup. A simple smokey eye look with red detailing, meant to look like blood. Juyeon leans back to examine his work and he hums in thought. It’s good but it’s missing something.

“Aha!” Juyeon rummages through his belongings and takes out some contact lenses. “Put these on, hyung.”

Hyunjae takes the item and opens up the case. They’re bright red. “I...uhm, I don’t know how to put on contact lenses.”

“Oh, I’ll help you then.” Juyeon gets close. Closer.

Hyunjae is so busy admiring the younger that when something pokes his eye, he lets out an embarrassing scream. Juyeon laughs but tugs Hyunjae back into his seat. Juyeon puts the contact lenses in quickly, having done it so often.

“Done.” Hyunjae looks into the mirror and he must admit that the makeup and the lenses really add so much to the look. He smiles at Juyeon. “Thank you...let’s go now,” he asks Juyeon, offering him his hand. And Juyeon graciously takes it.

(When they get to the party, their friends stare at them in shock and Juyeon can’t help but feel afraid again.

The fear disappears quickly though as Hyunjae squeezes his hand in reassurance.

Chanhee is the first to approach them and he tells Juyeon that he looks amazing. The others quickly follow. Changmin gushing about how pretty he looks and Kevin complimenting his figure. Their other friends offer similar praises and Juyeon smiles. Hyunjae can’t help but smile too. Happiness looks good on Juyeon.)

+1. acceptance

Hyunjae decides to spend the night at Juyeon’s place so they go back home together. They walk into Juyeon’s room and quickly take their costumes off. They take off their accessories and wipes their makeup. Then Juyeon helps Hyunjae take out the contact lenses.

Then Hyunjae moves to take off his clothes but Juyeon doesn’t. Instead Juyeon continues to look at the mirror, playing with the hem of the dress. Hyunjae smiles at the sight and goes back to taking off his shirt when Juyeon suddenly asks.

“Do you think I’m pretty, hyung?”

“Huh?” Hyunjae questions, not hearing what the younger said.

“Do you think I’m pretty?” Juyeon asks once more.

Hyunjae walks over to Juyeon and cups his face. “Juyeonie, even a blind person can see how pretty you are.”

“But do you think I’m pretty?” Juyeon presses.

“Juyeon-ah...I think you’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever had the honor of looking at,” Hyunjae says as he trails his finger down Juyeon’s face. Hyunjae steps back and rests his hands on Juyeon’s waist.

“Juyeon-ah...do you feel...feminine?” He asks gently.

Juyeon thinks for a moment before answering. “...No,” Juyeon answers before continuing, “But, I don’t feel masculine either. I just...don’t feel connected to any gender…?”

“Okay.”

“But...I also don’t care what gender people think I am? Like I don’t mind whatever people wanna refer to me as,” Juyeon tries to explain.

Hyunjae nods. “Okay. So you don’t mind any pronouns?”

“Yeah.”

“Petnames?”

“Anything is fine,” Juyeon replies.

“So you wouldn’t mind if I called you princess?” Hyunjae teases but Juyeon blushes and looks away.

“Juyeonie, do you want me to call you princess?” Hyunjae asks.

“N-no,” Juyeon stutters out.

Hyunjae grins. “Okay then princess.” Juyeon whines and hides in Hyunjae’s neck. Hyunjae laughs and pinches the younger’s cheek, finding the other adorable.

Then Hyunjae asks, “So, whatever gender people think you are, it doesn’t matter,” Juyeon nods. “And you don’t feel like you identify with any gender either?” Juyeon nods again. “I think you might be nonbinary.”

Juyeon hums. “I don’t know though, like not the specifics.”

“That’s okay, you don’t need to label it. I just thought you might want a...possible label.” Juyeon hums again. “What do you call me then? Hyung? Or oppa?”

“Can’t I just call you mine?”

Hyunjae leans back in disbelief and Juyeon moves away to look at the floor, thumbs fiddling nervously. A soft smile graces Hyunjae’s lips and he moves closer to Juyeon.

“As long as I get to call you mine as well,” Hyunjae says, cupping Juyeon’s face and bringing their faces closer together. Their lips brush against each other and Juyeon is the one to close the gap.

Juyeon’s hand moves to grip Hyunjae’s bicep and the other hand around his neck and Hyunjae’s hands fall to grip the other’s waist as their lips move gently against each other.

They break apart and Hyunjae rests their foreheads together.

“I love you.”

Juyeon lets out a delighted laugh and his face lights up in happiness.

“I love you too.”

-끝-