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Adora doesn’t know if she’s hated anything more than she hates this moment in time, right now.
Because they’re on their way to get the crystals that Entrapta says they can use as fuel to go save Catra, but every second they fly to get them puts them further away from Catra in both time and space.
It also means that she’s able to think up all kinds of horrible things that are happening to Catra right now.
Could be happening to Catra. Could be.
Because maybe nothing’s happening to Catra. Maybe she’s…..maybe…..
Okay, the only way that nothing’s happening to Catra would be if Catra…..if Catra was nothing.
Which is just…..Adora’s not thinking about that.
But she can’t stop thinking about Catra. Which isn’t anything new, really, since it’s been like that for most of her life. Until recently, Catra had always held some part of her attention, whether she was in the room or not.
Catra’s just….she’s such a presence. She’s so effortlessly confident - at least outwardly - in a way that Adora’s always admired, and she’s always been able to hold a room’s attention with no trouble at all. She’s charming and charismatic in a way that Adora’s not capable of being, even as She-Ra.
They’ve always complimented each other, her and Catra.
Which is why it’s such a shock to her when she realizes that she really hasn’t thought about Catra much since the portal.
In the immediate aftermath she did, sure. Because she had thought she had lost Catra - her person - and she’d been so angry and so sad and so resigned to the fact that the person that she cared for most in this world for years might not be that person anymore.
After that though, after that initial wave, she just….she stopped. She didn’t think about what Catra might be doing when she went to bed, or what type of training she could be doing in the morning. She didn’t think about the joke Catra would make about one of the Bright Moon guards or about how she only knew that one fighting stance because her and Catra had practiced it together for months.
Because in her mind, Catra wasn’t Catra anymore. Not until the moment that she heard her voice over Darla’s speakers.
Now though, she’s in space - she’s in space! - and all she can think about is Catra and how she must be hurting (or must be nothing) and it’s driving her crazy when all she wants is to be with Catra again and hold her and make sure that she’s okay.
There’s so much on her mind, so much so that Adora misses the first couple sounds that emit from above her, but it’s the words that she hears that pull her gaze from the vast expanse of space where she’s sitting on the window ledge, looking out.
Seconds march into the past
The moments pass
And just like that they’re gone
“Glimmer?” Adora calls, because she doesn’t know that voice, but it’s not Entrapta and it’s definitely not Bow, so unless they have a stowaway, there’s really only one option.
The river always finds the sea
So helplessly
Like you find me
Adora feels her breath catch at the same time that she realises that it’s definitely not Glimmer, and there’s only one person that might be able to tell her what’s going on.
So she pulls out her tracker-pad and quickly finds Entrapta, calling her as she bites the inside of her cheek. The music pauses the second before Entrapta picks up, so she must have been right, and Adora takes a breath when she sees purple hair on screen.
“Adora?” She hears Bow's voice - they must be together - his head popping up a second later. “What’s going on?”
“No….nothing. Everything’s okay,” she clarifies, because Bow obviously looks ready to go and concerned, likely thinking that Horde Prime had found them. “I was just…..did you hear that voice?”
“Oh!” She hears Entrapta say, Bow yelping as the tracker-pad is swiped away from him and suddenly Adora’s getting a close up of Entrapta’s face, enough so that it’s making her just a little bit uncomfortable. “That was First Ones music!!”
“Where….where did you find it?” Adora asks, biting the inside her cheek as she lets her eyes flit over to the window, the stupid dream of seeing Catra out there, just like Glimmer was earlier popping up into her mind.
“Around!” Entrapta says, which doesn’t really help but must mean that it was just in Darla.
“Her voice is so beautiful !” Bow coos offscreen, taking the tracker-pad back from Entrapta a second later after it’s clear that Adora’s lost her attention. He must see something that he doesn’t like in Adora though, because his face falls, that worried look that he gets appearing. “Are…are you sure you’re okay Adora? Do you want us to turn it off?”
“No….no I liked it,” Adora clarifies, because even if it was making her feel a lot of things, she did like it. “I just wasn’t sure what it was.”
“Oh…okay,” Bow smiles, although he still clearly doesn’t believe Adora. “We can play it again. Glimmer’s sleeping in her room so we won’t play it too loud, but we can put it back on. Let us know if you need anything?” He asks, and even if they both know that Adora’s lying, she puts on her best smile - she really doesn’t think she’s that bad of an actor - and nods her head.
“I will. Thanks Bow.”
Adora hangs up after that, taking a breath as she closes her eyes and rests back against the wall, waiting a second before the song picks up again from where it left off.
We are paper boats floating on a stream
And it would seem
We’ll never be apart
Glimmer might be in bed, but she could come out if she hears something, so Adora quickly wipes her eyes, not wanting to worry her friend if she sees her sniffling.
She thought that it would always be her and Catra, she really did. That they would be together for their entire lives, as best friends or….she never really let herself think more beyond that.
It only seemed right though. Ever since Adora found Catra alone, shivering outside in a box, surrounded by garbage in the Fright Zone. She’d been so little, and so cold and looked so sad, so there was never really an option for Adora, even back then. She was always going to help Catra, to look out for her and care for her.
Even if Adora was the one who looked out for Catra first, Catra always looked out for her too. Maybe more than Adora did for Catra, the more she thinks about it. Because Catra always defended Adora, sometimes even to her own detriment, and Adora tried to do that for Catra, she really really did, but she knows that there were times when she could have done so much more.
She could have protected Catra so much more from Shadow Weaver.
Ever since that day that Adora ran inside to get a blanket for Catra before convincing her to come back inside to the free bunk above Adora’s to sleep, Shadow Weaver’s hated her. Hated that Adora was shivering because she had been outside in the cold, and that it was because of this...this thing .
Not that Adora thinks of Catra in that term - she would never - but that’s what Shadow Weaver said, she remembers that.
Ever since then, they’d been together. In their pre-Cadet training, as Cadets, and….
Adora almost thinks Force Captains, that’s how much of a reflex it is, even still. They were supposed to be Force Captains, and then they were supposed to be Hordak’s second in command together, and then eventually they were supposed to share Hordak’s position.
Adora had always intended to let Catra use the throne, because she’d be so much better at that stuff than Adora would be.
That didn’t happen though. They’re not together, not anymore.
She’s still with Catra though, whenever they’re in the same vicinity. Glimmer’s had some times where she’s had Catra’s sole attention, sure, but it’s not a coincidence that Adora’s always the one fighting Catra.
She’s drawn to her, she always has been. She can’t help it.
Catra has a magnetism, sure, but it’s more than that. Like she’s calling for Adora, without even knowing it, and Adora’s heart can’t do anything but follow.
I will always find you
Like it’s written in the stars
You can run, but you can’t hide
Try
Catra tried.
She really really tried.
She tried so hard with the portal. And Adora thought they were broken, she did. She doesn’t think she could kill Catra - she could never do that - but she didn’t think redemption was a possibility anymore. Not for this….for this thing of hate that Catra had become.
This thing that hated the world. Hated Etheria, hated Glimmer, hated Shadow Weaver (Adora understands that one), hated Adora , maybe most of all.
They had run so far from each other, but they’d always been pulled back. With the portal though, Adora worried that Catra was sprinting away faster and harder than Adora could even keep up with.
With one call though, and one act, she’s back. Catra’s right there within Adora’s reach, but she still can’t have her. She’s still too far away, in the hands of a monster who’s doing…..
She really needs to stop thinking about that.
Adora only realizes that she’s crying when she feels the tears dripping onto her hands, knees pulled to her chest with her arms overtop of them. She quickly wipes her eyes, not wanting to be more of a burden for Glimmer or Bow or Entrapta, or anyone. They’re already dealing with so much - Catra’s dealing with so much - that she really doesn’t need to add her tears on top of that.
Catra would tell her not to think like that, she knows.
Catra always knew the way that Adora thought in the same way that Adora knew Catra.
She’s not sure if she knows her anymore.
She wants to find out though, desperately. She wants to find Catra, and hold her, and let her cry into Adora’s shoulder as she does her best to make it all better. She doesn’t know if she’ll be able to, because she doesn’t know if she’ll even get Catra back again, but she has to think that she will because the alternative is infinitely worse.
The thought of Catra - her Catra - not being so full of life is even more terrifying than Horde Prime in general.
Like the moon that makes the tides
That silent guide
Is calling from inside
And pull me here and push me there
It’s everywhere
Hanging in the air
Adora wonders what Catra would think of her right now. Crying alone - crying over Catra - as she looks out at space, at all that nothing .
She’d call her an idiot, obviously.
The very thought of hearing that again makes Adora laugh.
After that she’d probably say that Adora’s being stupid. That Catra’s fine, and that Adora doesn’t need to cry over her. That she’s doing great, ready to take over the world. That she’s really happy to be with Adora, that she loves Adora, that she…..
Oh.
Adora’s not quite sure where that came from.
Well, that’s not true. She knows where it came from, because it’s always been there. For years and years, it’s been there. Ever since Adora tried to pass Catra a blanket to cuddle up with in her box. Ever since Catra swiped at the hand holding the blanket, Adora just barely avoiding it before trying a second, and then a third time to give it to her.
Ever since Catra wrapped it around herself and started to purr, and then accidentally put one of her claws through it because she hadn’t learned how to sheath them yet.
Ever since Adora sat in front of the box and talked at Catra, telling her about the Fright Zone and how fun training and learning was, and how she was going to be the best Force Captain that there ever was. Ever since she said that it would be so fun if Catra joined her, because the only person that would talk to her was Lonnie - Kyle and Rogelio weren’t there yet - and even Lonnie was still a little mean to her.
Ever since Catra made a little chirp in response - wherever she was from before the Fright Zone, she must not have learned to talk yet - and got out of her box, Adora happily leading her inside.
She’s been in love with Catra ever since then, she thinks.
Different kinds of love though. Catra’s always been her person, but that’s meant all kinds of things. Back then it was platonic, but it was so all-encompassing. When she wasn’t training, she was with Catra, and when she was training she couldn’t wait to tell Catra about her training.
Then when they were older, that love started changing. When they were fourteen and Adora started to realize just how pretty Catra was, and how fluidly she moved in training. She had always thought that she was jealous of the way Catra looked or how she moved, and how easy it was for her to be so charming. Which, maybe part of it was jealousy, but part of it wasn’t.
She didn’t realize that it really was love until she met Bow and Glimmer.
How, even if they’re different from Catra and Adora in a lot of ways, there’s things that Adora sees about them that are the same. How they gravitate towards each other so easily, and how they touch each other all the time without any real reason to. How their eyes are always meeting, and how they’re so clearly Bow and Glimmer .
Or they were. They’re apart now - just like Catra and Adora are - but Adora knows that they’ll find their way back to each other.
Adora might not be smart in a lot of ways - she was always the brawn to Catra’s brain - but she can see what’s between the two of them, even if they don’t.
She thinks her and Catra were similar, looking back on it.
The way that they played until they were older than they probably should have been. How their games were always a bit more physical than necessary, touching each other far more often than the other cadets did. The way that to Lonnie, Kyle and Rogelio it was always Catra and Adora .
It was to Shadow Weaver too, but she said it with such disdain that Adora really doesn’t want to think about that.
It was love, Adora knows, at least from her side.
She knows that as she got older, that she had more friends than Catra. Part of it was Shadow Weaver, that there were cadets that didn’t want to risk her ire because they might get associated with Catra and the idea of bringing Adora down. Another part of it was Catra’s abrasiveness, how sometimes when she was in a mood she could be so snippy, even with Adora.
Adora knew what that meant though - that Catra was having a bad day, literally or in her head - but none of the other cadets knew that, or put in the time to learn that before they were dismissing Catra.
Adora doesn’t even want to think about some of the things that they called Catra back then, some of the other cadets.
About Catra, about how she was different from everybody else.
Adora knows that Catra felt ashamed of her appearance when they were really little, but Adora’s always thought that made her even more pretty.
We are magnets pulling from different poles
With no control
We’ll never be apart
“Adora?”
Adora jolts up as she hears Glimmer, quickly wiping her eyes before she looks around for her. Luckily, Glimmer’s rubbing the sleep out of her own eyes so she doesn’t see Adora’s watery gaze - Glimmer already has more than enough to deal with - and she just gives Adora a sad smile.
“What’s this?” She asks before her gaze flits around, and Adora can tell that she’s looking for Bow.
“Entrapta and Bow found First Ones music,” she offers, and Glimmer nods, wrapping an arm around herself as she comes over and sits on the floor beside where Adora’s perched on the window, taking a breath.
“Her voice is really pretty,” Glimmer muses and Adora hums, taking one final swipe of her eyes before she takes a breath, because she hasn’t asked and she really needs to.
“Glimmer….how…” she stops and starts before clenching her fists, hating how choked up she’s getting already. “Catra….before she…..before she sent you….how was she?”
“Catra?” Glimmer clarifies, more to confirm that Adora really wants to know than anything else, and Adora takes a breath before she nods her head. “She was Catra. At least to start anyway. By the….I can see why you two were so close. She’s not all bad when she’s not trying to kill you.”
Adora laughs at that, shaking her head, a little smile on her face as she looks down at her lap.
“She’s really not.”
“First dance first dance first dance!”
“I’m carrying a child, Bow,” Catra says, Adora giggling as she takes another sip of her champagne, watching Bow try to get Catra to join her for their first dance. Finn is in her arms, as asleep as they could be in the moment, at their moms’ wedding, and as much as Adora doesn’t want to mess with that, she really wants to dance with Catra.
“We can take them!” Glimmer grins, leaning against Bow’s side, Catra’s eyes flitting to Adora’s for a second before going back to their best friends.
“You think I’m going to let you hold my baby, Sparkles?” Catra retorts, because even now - even at their wedding - Catra never makes it easy on Glimmer. It’s with love, obviously, and Glimmer knows that, so she just rolls her eyes and holds her arms out like she’s being bestowed an offering from the Queen of Bright Moon herself.
Which is….which is her.
Bad metaphor, Adora.
“I’ve held them, like, dozens of times Catra,” Glimmer reasons, and she’s not wrong, because Finn’s just barely old enough now that they’ve learned about their love of teleporting, and it’s been the bane of Catra’s existence.
A baby that loves their mom along with someone who loves to annoy said mom and can teleport is a recipe for disaster.
Adora loves all these people so much her heart could burst.
“I really want to dance with you,” Adora pleads, tugging Catra’s sleeve lightly since she doesn’t want to disturb Finn.
It works, because Catra’s face softens, and she takes a breath before looking down at their baby, giving them a small smile. “Your mom is making mama dance with her in front of all these creeps,” she teases, and Adora giggles, watching as Finn cracks their eyes open.
They coo, making grabby hands at Catra, who just lets them play with and try to catch her tail for a minute before turning to Adora.
“We’ll be right back Finny,” she smiles, leaning down and booping Finn’s nose with her own, making them gurgle before Glimmer ultimately takes them.
“Who wants to teleport to the cake with their favourite aunt?” She grins, Finn giggling again as Bow lets them try to grab his finger now.
Catra looks ready to argue, to take this whole arrangement back, but Glimmer’s obviously teasing, and Adora just takes Catra’s hand and leads her to the dance floor.
“Wait, we didn’t pick a song,” Catra notes, and Adora flushes at that, because she wanted this to be a surprise and this is the moment of truth.
“I did,” she says, and Catra’s eyebrow raises. Adora’s never really listened to a lot of music with her, but there’s a special one, and Catra’s never heard it, not until now. “I wanted it to be a surprise….you’ll like it.”
“Okay ‘Dora,” Catra smiles, and Adora can’t help sneaking a quick kiss before her eyes flit to where Bow has made his way over to Entrapta and where the music is set up. He looks over, quickly making sure that the couple and everyone else is ready for the first dance, and Adora just gives him a nod.
It starts up, and Catra’s brow furrows, it being utterly foreign to her.
“I heard it when we were going to rescue you,” Adora offers, and Catra knows exactly what she means, face softening. “It….it means a lot to me.”
“I love you,” Catra says, almost immediately, and Adora’s utterly bursting with that same feeling as they start to sway, the voice sounding out over the wedding.
Seconds march into the past
The moments pass
And just like that they’re gone
The river always finds the sea
So helplessly
Like you find me