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Caleb had been avoiding Essek for the better part of a week.
Essek had made a point to be in Xhorhaus as much as possible, attempting to find a quiet moment to steal the other wizard away for himself. But the cupcakes he made with Jester were more time consuming than he thought, and when he went to knock on the door of Caleb’s room, he’d already slipped out. And the research he helped Beau with (that had unfortunately devolved into a conversation about his “intentions” with Caleb) was devoid of a certain charming redhead. When he asked, he learned Caleb was experimenting upstairs with Veth and likely wouldn’t be around until dinner. Beau offered to let him stay for dinner, but it was clear at that point that Caleb needed more space.
That didn’t stop him from offering to teach Caduceus about traditional Dynasty cuisine two days later, appearing with arms full of groceries (properly carried, no gravitury since Veth claimed it added “a flavor”)
He helped Caduceus all day, gardening whenever they had something in the oven and not allowing himself time to dwell on what might happen when he came to dinner. It was nice, occupying his mind like that, and Caduceus seemed to know exactly what he needed.
But when Caleb skipped the dinner, he tried something new.
With the copper wire in hand and a quick message to Jester to ensure it was an opportune time, he said softly to Caleb, "I'd like to meet tomorrow. I'll be in my garden after two. If I spend the afternoon alone, I'll understand then. No need to respond."
He felt the last part was important, especially since Caleb had been avoiding him so carefully. It was probably a poor tactic to send a message Caleb couldn't ignore, though he didn't really trust this vulnerability to a letter. Both of them had too many enemies to use such unreliable forms of communication.
Essek was fully prepared not to receive a response. Caleb hadn’t wanted to speak with him for days, and he didn’t expect an answer now.
“Thank you, friend.”
His heart leapt into his throat.
Maybe he hadn’t fucked this up too terribly.
He wouldn't let himself get his hopes up, however, since Caleb might have just been thanking him for giving him an out.
That wasn’t something he really wanted to think about, so instead he planned his afternoon, regardless of who he might spend it with. He went to the small grocer down the street in a disguise, and teleported directly to his tower. All his alarms were in place, and there was little to do until the next afternoon.
No books could hold his attention long, and he barely felt like he could trance properly. Essek was bad at this. He had never felt this way, had thought himself unburdened by these romantic trappings.
But with Caleb.
With Caleb, he would take any drama, any danger, anything the man asked of him. It was terrifying, and exhilarating, and he needed to know if he still had a chance.
Meticulously he set up a small picnic blanket, a charcuterie board, a bucket of ice with a bottle of wine, and a book to pass the time. It wasn't a long book, though it would probably last until evening, when he would give up and go inside. Still, it was good food, fresh and in season, and he was determined to have a somewhat pleasant afternoon, even if he spent it in suffocating solitude.
And when two o'clock faded into three o'clock, it seemed that would be the case.
He tried not to be disappointed, just opening the bottle of wine for himself and pouring a single glass. Leaving it floating above the ground and tasting the crisp white on his tongue, he realized he probably should have brought out a small tray for someone without a gravitational cantrip.
Just in case, he began clearing out a small patch on the charcuterie board.
"A useful trick," a soft voice wandered through the yard, just as his alarm spell went off to announce someone coming through the gate. All the normal wards had been adapted to allow the Mighty Nein to enter, though the chime still sounded in the back of his mind.
“Caleb,” he said, unable to keep the fondness from his voice. He needed to tread lightly however, judging by the trepidatious look on the other man's face.
Caleb moved to take the empty patch of blanket. “Hallo, Herr Thelyss. What would you like to talk about?”
Essek swallowed. Right to business then. “Would you like wine?” he asked instead, only prolonging the inevitable. His fingers already trembled slightly with nervousness.
Nodding but remaining silent, Caleb lifted the empty glass for Essek to fill.
He did so in silence as well, trying to think of all the many ways he could start this conversation. Over the course of the afternoon he’d gone through millions of scenarios, but none felt right. Now, he was at an utter loss for words.
Caleb took a slow sip of the wine, still not offering a way out. Essek had gotten too used to the endless compassion of the Mighty Nein, but it seemed he had truly reached the limit of Caleb’s kindness.
Very quietly, Essek said, "I made a mistake."
Caleb looked into his wine glass, watching the liquid swirl around in his deft fingers. "I see."
"No, that's not really what I'm trying to say," Essek mumbled, trying not to let the hardened, carefully poised look of a rejected politician on Caleb’s face throw him off track so quickly.
But that was hopeless. Instead he found his hand cupping Caleb's cheek, tenderly trying to use contact to attempt to melt the look away and provide clarity. He hated that look on Caleb’s face when he’d seen genuine smiles and laughter and passion. Essek didn’t want any of the politics anymore. He didn’t want to dance around the truth any longer. Any of the rehearsed words he had prepared before Caleb arrived left him.
All there was in the world was to lean forward and hope that Caleb would understand somehow.
After all, they did work remarkably well together.
And Caleb melted into the touch, his lips softer after more time away from the harsh winds of Aeor. Essek could smell a bit of the wine, over the usual smells of woodsmoke and cinnamon. It was warm, unending and burning steadily in a world that had only ever been cold to Essek.
Now he could bask in it, soak it up, perhaps get close enough to burn.
When they parted, Caleb let out a little, "Oh." It was far too cute for a grown man to achieve, but he managed.
“I… I meant I made a mistake in not explaining myself properly, before,” Essek started again, trying not to blush like he was some lovesick student. “I’ve never… I didn’t think I would ever feel this way.”
Caleb nodded, watching him seriously despite the persistent pink flush in his own cheeks.
Essek sighed softly, “I mean to say; I’m horrible at this. I’ve never done anything like it, but I would like to. With you.”
“The last romantic partners I had still have the scars to prove it,” Caleb said, partly in reassurance and partly in what seemed like a warning. Whether that had to do with how hot Caleb’s fire burned or how he might have vengeful exes, Essek couldn’t quite tell. His mind was swimming, far too euphoric and soft. The whole Dynasty would probably want his head soon. What were a few more to add to the list? None of it seemed to matter, not here, not now. What mattered was the soft look on Caleb’s face and how he was moving closer to Essek once again. Caleb cupped his cheek and he thought he might cease to exist, his chest was so full to bursting. “But I wouldn’t mind trying again. I think… I think we can make it better. Make each other better.”
“I’d like that,” Essek whispered. “I’d like that a lot.” He could imagine it too. They’d go back to Aeor, find the secrets of the universe together and keep each other responsible. Maybe they could go to Molaesmyr, if they ever tired of the cold. Maybe they’d even stay together in less harrowing times, but Essek wouldn’t get ahead of himself.
Caleb's face lit up in a slow smile. "I think for two of the smartest people in any room, we're rather foolish."
A broken chuckle left Essek’s lips, even as he tried to stay still under Caleb’s touch so as not to scare him away. The look in Caleb’s endless blue eyes seemed to say that he’d never been scared off again. Essek’s heart fluttered in his chest like a bird caught in a storm, but he wasn’t sure he ever wanted it to stop.
When Caleb’s smile met his own and Caleb’s other arm pulled him closer across the picnic blanket, his mind raced, struggling to keep up with the new mental exercise Caleb had presented him with. Caleb always had known just how to test his limits, in the best ways possible. Eventually Essek’s heart did calm, as all relationships tend to, but it mellowed into something lovely and warm and safe that he’d take delight in for years to come. After all, they had time.