Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

A/N:  hello! welcome to my third fic! this one is a bit different to my others but I still hope you enjoy. if you're new here, welcome, and if you're coming from either of my previous fics, welcome back. let's get started :]
tw/cw: gender dysphoria, very very brief mention of afab chest (assigned female at birth), joking violence, sweating ( please tell me if i missed any! stay safe loves <3 )

“Welp.” Ranboo clapped, leaning back into his pink unicorn gaming chair. “That will be the stream for today. Make sure to subscribe if you can, it really helps me out and you are just cooler than everybody else.” His chat was filled with people saying goodbye and he smiled. Ranboo loved his chat, the community he had built over the past nine or so months, it really was the best he could ask for. He moved his mouse over to the ‘end stream’ button and yelled into his mic before pressing it, making his twitch account go offline and his stream to end. He ruffled his hands through his fluffy hair and ran his hand down his face. His eyes flicked to the bottom of his monitor and he saw that the time was 3:36 am. He didn’t know whether he felt tired or not so he decided to go down into his kitchen and get some food. He turned off his monitor, which plunged his bedroom into darkness, and stumbled his way to his door. He eventually found the handle and twisted it, allowing the light from the hallway to flood his room. His joints felt stiff as he he dragged himself down to the top of the staircase. He hopped down each stair with his long legs and with each step was a reminder. Reminder that he wasn’t a real boy. His bastard chest. He hated it so much. He usually wore binders but since he had only been streaming that day he had decided to not bother. Eventually he made his way to the kitchen and opened the cupboards. Scanning the food they had he spotted the box of cheerios at the very top, out of reach to most of his family. He remembered he had put it up there because his sister kept stealing it, she was only 5’3 so she definitely couldn’t reach. Sometimes Ranboo thought about drop-kicking her because she was so short but knew their parents would skin him alive. He got out a bowl and some milk and poured in the cheerios. When the bowl was full enough for his stomach, he took the milk bottle and drowned the loop-shaped cereal. He smiled at his masterpiece and threw the milk back in the Samsung refrigerator. After grabbing a spoon, Ranboo clambered onto the kitchen island and crouched there, very gremlin-like, eating his cheerios. He ate his cereal slowly, staring into space, thinking. Thinking about how he was going to meet his best friend in the whole world in just a few days. And not only was he going to be meeting him, he was going to be living with him for four whole months. Now that he thought about it, Tubbo would probably try and murder him in his sleep, but he was still excited. Sleep. Oh shit. Ranboo hadn’t come out to Tubbo as trans yet. Tubbo thought he was cis. Ranboo couldn’t sleep with his binder on, that would destroy his ribs and ability to breathe, but was he ready to tell Tubbo? Would Tubbo be uncomfortable sharing a room with him if he found out? Ranboo’s hand went limp as he sat there, deep in thought, and his bowl full of cereal and milk fell clattering to the ground, spilling its contents everywhere. Ranboo was pulled out of his head very abruptly and saw the mess he had made. 

“My cheerios :(,” Ranboo whined. He probably should have been concerned about the fact he had made a mess of his parents’ kitchen rather than losing his cereal but it was 3:50am, he wasn’t about to think rationally now, was he? He shuffled from his perch on the kitchen island and made is way carefully to where they kept the rags. He grabbed a random rag from the top of the pile and threw it onto the milk that was splattered all over the floor. Ranboo stood and watched the fabric soak up the white liquid. God he was tired. He bent down and began mopping up the floor. When he had finished, Ranboo rinsed the cloth out in the sink and hung it over the tap to dry. The floor was back to its clean state, albeit a bit sticky, but that didn’t matter. Ranboo snorted as he had this thought. He had put the bowl, that had somehow not smashed, in the sink after rinsing it and walked up the stairs back to his room. As he was walking down the hallway he saw his sister’s door. He stared sadly and the white painted wood, knowing his sister was fast asleep behind it. Ranboo’s parents wouldn’t let him come out to his sister. Or his brother for that matter but he wasn’t as close with him because of the large age gap. It pained him to keep such a big secret from someone he cared so deeply about. He knew that she would accept him, she was old enough to not disown him as her sibling, but his parents still wanted him to keep it a secret. Maybe they thought that he might change his mind. Ranboo wouldn’t change his mind. He knew he was a guy. But still his parents needed one way to deny the fact that they lost their precious “daughter”. Ranboo sighed and walked to his room. He closed the door and flung himself at his bed. He lied there, in the darkness, for a few minutes before his phone buzzed. He rolled off off the comfy mattress and shuffled his lanky figure over to his desk. The message was from Tubbo. Ranboo picked up his phone and walked back over to his bed, getting under the covers before opening the message. 

Tob

hello big man

Ranboob is typing…

Ranboob

what do you want short child

its 4am

Tob

wow

ok

rude

anyway

just wanted to mesage my favourite streamer 

Ranboob

how much sleep did you get last night?

Tob

pshhhhhhhh

sleep

we dont know her

we dont need her

Ranboob

duuuuude

sleep

now.

Tob

ok mum

no though <3

Ranboob

go

to

sleep

Tob 

whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Ranboob

because you need sleep and i dont want to meet up with you when youre all sleep deprived and grouchy

Tob 

you cant cancel the trip

Ranboob

i could

now sleep

Tob

fine

i will try 

Ranboob

thats a start

goonight bee boy

Tob

goodnight tall man

Ranboo turned off his phone and plugged it in, placing it on his bedside table. He lied there, staring at the ceiling. He sighed. He was excited to meet Tubbo, of course he was, but he was also scared of the fact that Tubbo didn’t know he was trans. He had to come out at some point, I mean they were going to sleep in the same room for God’s sake. He just didn’t know how. 

A/N: and that's the end of chapter 1 !
i hope you enjoyed! 

you are amazing and loved and valid and so so so so so worth it. take care of yourselves. drink water, eat something (even if it's small), take a shower and bind safely if you bind!

feedback is welcome and appreciated!
 - raven xx (bee/di/he)

Chapter Text

Ranboo was woken by his phone buzzing like crazy. He groaned and rolled over to see what was blowing up his phone. The bright light stung his eyes but he was eventually able to see over 20 notifications from discord. He sighed and opened them to see what was so important. All of the notifications were from a group DM with Wilbur, Tubbo, Tommy, Jack, Niki and Fundy. All of them were in a voice call. Oh shit. Ranboo had completely forgotten that he said he was going to do a Jackbox stream with them that day. His eyes flicked to the time and he saw it was 11:56. They said they would start streaming at 12pm PST. That meant he had four minutes to get up, eat breakfast and join the call. He jumped out of his warm cocoon of duvet and blankets and rushed downstairs to get some breakfast. He didn’t have to get dressed because no one would see him anyway. As he burst into the kitchen he saw his sister sitting at the bench, scrolling through her phone. She looked up as he entered. 

“What’s got you in such a rush?”

“Stream, three minutes, just woke up,” he panted, grabbing an orange from the fruit bowl and beginning to cut it up as fast as he could. 

“Oh my god, Nessa. How do you manage to do this every time?” she laughed. Ranboo froze.

“What did you just call me?”

“Nessa? Your name? Jesus how much sleep did you get?” Ranboo sighed. 

“Right.” He put his orange slices on a plate and ruffled her hair as he walked past before hurrying back to his room. He flung himself into his unicorn chair and turned on his PC, hurriedly opening discord and jamming his headphones over his head before joining the call. 

“Ranboo, hi!” Niki’s sweet voice rang though his headphones. He smiled.

“Ranboo, Jesus christ, I was about to call you. Why are you so late?” Tubbo interrupted before he had the chance to reply. Ranboo yawned. 

“Well,” his voice was raspy and deep, having only woken up a few minutes prior. “So basically, last night at around four, after having my bowl of cereal, it took me like an hour and a half to fall asleep. I sleep a lot and forgot to set an alarm. I only woke up because of your freaking pictures of gogy in this dm.” As he had been talking, Ranboo scrolled up the chat to see what the messages had been that had woken him up and was met with a stupid amount of pictures of George. “Also hi Niki.”

“I’m- I’m not even gonna question it. I’m gonna go intro my stream, alright? I’ll undeafen when it’s ready.” They all agreed and Tommy deafened himself in the call. This meant they could talk about whatever they wanted and Tommy’s stream couldn’t hear. Ranboo yawned again. He felt so exhausted. He had gotten 6 hours of sleep, and of course he was used to getting barely any sleep but he had been so deeply asleep, suddenly having to be awake and energetic, it exhausted him. He decided to begin to eat his first orange slice. It was nice and sour. Then he got a discord ping. He looked up and saw a DM from Tubbo. He wiped his hands on his sweatpants and clicked on the notification. 

Tubbo

did i keep you up last night???

sorry if I diddddd

i didnt mean toooooo

RANBOO

no you didnt

i couldnt sleep after i said goodnight to you

Tubbo

oh

ok

pog

RANBOO

why are you still messaging me were literally in a vc

Tubbo

i have something to tell u

RANBOO

oh?

Tubbo

i fucked ur mum <3

and had her babies 

“Tubbo! Shut up!” Tubbo snorted into his mic and everyone else in the call fell into a confused silence. “I don’t even think that’s biologically possible!”

“What?” Wilbur asked, sounding very confused. 

“How dare you doubt the blooming romance between your mother and I! Her and I had intercourse over call multiple times and she impregnated me with her babies! It’s true! Just ask her!”  The entire call burst out into laughter, including Tommy. 

“To-Tommy did your stream catch that?” Wilbur guffawed. 

“Yup! Any context?”

“You’re as in the dark as we are, dude. Ranboo just yelled at Tubbo to shut up out of nowhere and then Tubbo said…that,” Jack piped in. 

“Congratulations, Tubbo! When are the babies due?” Niki asked, giggling. 

“Well, it’s been a rough second trimester but their due date is October 16th.”

“Bee duo meet up date, perhaps?”

“You’ll see, you’ll see.” Little did they know that it would only be a matter of days before the ever anticipated meet up. 

“Should we start the game after that thrilling start to the stream?” Tommy asked, still laughing. They all agreed and they began playing.

Chapter Text

Tommy muted to end the stream and Ranboo leaned back, considerably more awake than he had been at the start of the stream. The others were chatting absentmindedly but Ranboo wasn’t really listening. He stared at his monitor, looking at his wallpaper. It was a drawing of him and Tubbo that someone had done on Twitter. He smiled at it, knowing that so many people loved him. Then his smile faltered at the remembrance that he was lying to all those people, even the person drawn smiling next to him. He placed his head in his hands and sighed. 

“You okay there, Ranboo?” Niki asked. 

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine. Just tired I guess,” he replied. 

“Maybe you should go and get some sleep, seeing as you said you were up until like, six, was it?”

“Yeah, okay. Thanks, Niki. Bye everyone.” He was met with everyone in the call saying goodbye to him before he left the call. He wasn’t tired, well he was, but that wasn’t the reason he had been acting off in the call. His sister calling him by his dead name really hit him hard toward the end of the Jackbox stream. It really hurt him to not tell his sister that he was, in fact, her brother, not her sister. But how would he come out to his sister if he couldn’t even come out to his best friends? He was just pathetic. Ranboo pushed himself up and walked partially down the hallway before stopping. He glanced up at the ceiling and stared at the hatch to the attic. The attic was his safe space, he went up there when he needed a break from it all. He reached up and pulled open the hatch, he was tall enough to not need the metal rod if he stood on his tippy toes. He gently pulled the ladder down and climbed into the darkness. It smelt of dust in the cramped room but it was comforting to the teen. He pulled himself up and sat in the dust, staring at the many cardboard boxes they had stacked up in the small space. One caught his attention, a box with his dead name scribbled on it in messy black marker. He shuffled over to the box and pulled off the lid, revealing photo albums, well his family never used the photo albums where you put the photos into a plastic file, they used old looking notebooks and glued the photos in, they thought it made them look cooler. Having completely forgotten about all the photos, Ranboo picked up a red leather-bound album and opened the first page. On the brown paper, in his mom’s handwriting, it read ‘December 2003 - October 2004’. These were photos from his first year of life, well sort of, some were before he was born. The first photo he saw when he flipped over the page was a photo of his mom, heavily pregnant with him, in her overalls, decorating the Christmas tree. It was dated 12 December 2003. Ranboo smiled. She looked so happy. The next photo was from Christmas Day. His mom and dad were on the couch together, their old golden retriever, who was just a puppy, sprawled on her back. He flipped the page and saw a photo of him the day he was born, 27 December 2003. Sighing, he replaced the notebook into the box and pulled out another. This one was dated September 2010 - February 2011. The first few photos were of him and his sister, lying in piles of orange leaves, wide grins plastered on both of their faces. Ranboo remembered this clearly even though he was only six and was notorious for his terrible memory. The leaves had turned orange a lot faster that year and on one of the walks their entire family went on, him and his sister and decided to make a leaf pile with the newly fallen leaves. They’d tried to throw their brother in with them but their mom wouldn’t let them since he was only a few months old. He’d had so much fun that day. Then the photos turned into halloween. There was a photo of Ranboo, grinning toothily at the camera, in a cheap witch costume, holding up his plastic broomstick. Then there were thanksgiving photos and Christmas photos until finally he found the photos from his seventh birthday party. It had been Mario themed because he was a nerd. There was one particular photo that he couldn’t stop staring at. It was a photo from the end of the table, him at the head and his friends down the sides. The Mario cake was sitting in front of him and the candles were lit. His Mario hat was too big for his head so it was sitting on the table next to him but that let him see his long hair. Ranboo hadn’t seem himself with long hair for so long. In the photo it had been pulled back into two French braids, leaving his curly fringe free. He looked so different. He looked so happy. He wished he could just go back, go back to when he thought he was cis, when he didn’t worry about passing, when he didn’t have to time how long he had been wearing his binder, when he didn’t have to lie to every person in his life, friend or family. But now he had to lie. Lie every single day of his gods damned life. 

He nearly jumped out of his skin when he heard his sister’s voice behind him. He had been so lost in his thoughts he hadn’t heard her climb up the ladder and walk behind him. 

“Hello,” she said. 

“Oh Jesus Christ! Rin! You scared the crap out of me!” 

“Heh, L.” She came and sat cross legged next to him. “What’re you doooooing?” 

“What does it look like I’m doing?”

“I dunno, being sad?” 

“Well that’s not entirely inaccurate-“ Rin punched his arm playfully. 

“Well what’s got ya sad?” Ranboo paused. He could tell her the truth and come out to her, or he could lie and obey his parents. He wasn’t sure if he was ready to come out yet. 

“Leaving you for four months,” he teased. She laughed and rolled her eyes. 

“Seriously, why are you up here? You only ever come up here if either, mom yelled at you and you’re being petty, you are feeling nostalgic, you’re introverting so hard you can’t even talk to Tubbo or you’re sad off your ass.” Ranboo stared at her, honestly shocked. 

“Wow, okay. Uh, wasn’t expecting a personal attack but okay.” Rin snickered. “Well since you just attacked me I don’t think you deserve an explanation.” 

“Noooooooo,” Rin whined. “Pwease?” Ranboo smiled down at his sister and sighed. 

“It’s nothing really, I’m just tired.”

“Oh yeah because you’ve never used that excuse before.” Ranboo swallowed thickly, debating in his head whether to just tell her. 

“Okay, fine. Yeah there’s something wrong but…”

“But?”

“But mom and dad won’t let me tell you, they say you’re ‘not ready’.”

“Nessa, you can tell me anything, really.” He bit the inside of his cheek and stared down at her. Fine, he thought, here goes nothing.

“So, basically, right? You remember when I cut my hair?” She nodded. “Well I didn’t cut it for the reasons you thought I did.”

“Then why did you cut it?”

“I- I cut it because…uh because…because I’m- I’m a boy.” There. He had said it. He wasn’t looking at his sister, instead staring at the piles of boxes beside him. He felt like the world was spinning, like the floor was about to give way beneath them. The silence that fell between them was long, too long, and suffocating. Finally Rin spoke up. 

“So- so you’re, like, trans?” Ranboo nodded. “Oh, okay. That’s fine, you’re my brother and I love you.” That was when he broke. Tears welled in his eyes. Hearing those words come from his sister’s mouth was something he never thought he would hear. His shoulders shook with a mixture of quiet sobs and laughter. Rin wrapped her arms around his shoulders and held tight, Ranboo hugged her back and smiled. He had done it. He had fucking done it. 

The two broke apart and Ranboo cleared his throat. 

“So, like, what’s your new name? I’m assuming you don’t want to use the other one.” 

“Yeah, uh, I guess it’s Ranboo? All my friends call me that and I never really thought of a ‘normal’ name for myself.” Rin nodded. 

“Okay, you are my older brother Ranboo. Cool.” The smile never left Ranboo’s face. “I like it when you smile,” Rin said. 

“What?”

“You don’t smile properly very often and it’s nice, you have a nice smile.”

“Shut up.” The two giggled, the silence falling between them comfortable this time. 

“Do mom and dad know?” Ranboo looked at her for a second, her caramel curls just brushing her shoulders and her light hazel eyes were warm and friendly. 

“Yeah, yeah they do. But I think they don’t want to accept it for as long as possible and that’s why they didn’t want me to tell you.” Rin stared at Ranboo, slightly confused. 

“I really did not expect that from them.”

“Neither did I.” 

“Well, it’ll be ok. You get to go to the UK soon. You can escape this shit hole.” 

“One problem.”

“Oh?”

“Tubbo doesn’t know I’m trans. None of them do.”

“So they think you’re a girl?”

“No no, they think I’m cis. A cis guy. And I’m scared that when they see me they’ll know immediately and hate me for it and-“

“Ranboo. You don’t have to worry. You pass great. You’ve got nothing to worry about.” Ranboo smiled. 

“Thanks, Rin.” The latter smiled back and Ranboo watched her descend the ladder back to the hallway. He had done it. 

Chapter Text

Ranboo sat in his pink unicorn chair, hunched over is PC. He was on a survival world that he played on for fun off stream and was actually quite proud of. His main house was a lakeside cottage with a mine behind it. Then up on the hill he had his farm that had different areas for all his crops. Above that was his chicken, cow and sheep farms in the shapes of barns - those had been annoying to build, especially with the goats jumping around everywhere. There was a path around the back of his crops that lead to his zombie xp farm that was very useful. Then across the lake from his house there was a tower-like structure that had his chests that he couldn’t fit in the basement of his house. He ran to the side of his house and across the bridge to his villager trading hall. He had started it a while back but had gotten distracted by his largest build yet. Or almost yet. Around the back of the lake, farthest from his house, he was flattening three large hills to build Hogwarts. He had had the idea a while back when building the villager hall and moved onto it almost immediately. He began absentmindedly mining away at the stone, listening to music. 

He had been mining for about 45 minutes when his phone buzzed on his desk next to him. He paused and checked the notification. It was his mom telling him that dinner was ready. Ranboo sighed and took off his headphones and pushed himself to his feet. His knees were stiff from sitting scrunched up into his chest for so long and he nearly fell over. Once he had regained his balance, he cracked his back loudly. Shoving his phone into his back pocket, he headed to the downstairs. Ranboo opened the door to the joint kitchen and living room and Pinot, their golden retriever, came bounding up to him. They had only gotten her a few months ago, since their other dog died about a year before. She was a sweet puppy, very hyper, but sweet. 

“Hello, Pinot, yes I missed you.” He leant down to pat the dog and she jumped up and leant her big paws on his knees. He smiled and ran his hands through her silky fur. 

“Sweetie come and get your food.” Ranboo looked up and nodded. First he walked over to the pantry and grabbed a treat to put Pinot into her crate. Pinot munched happily on the treat as Ranboo walked over to the pot of steaming spaghetti. He scooped some onto his plate, grabbed a fork, and walked over to the table where the rest of his family was sat. They had already begun eating but this didn’t bother him. He sat himself between Rin and Benji, his brother. 

“So,” his mom began, “Nessa, how was the stream?” Ranboo opened his mouth to reply but before he could say anything, Rin cut in. 

“Ranboo,” she said, flatly, not looking up from her plate. Their parents stared at her in confusion, Ranboo looking down, biting the inside of his cheek. 

“What?” their mom said, obviously trying to act cool. Rin looked up and stared their mom right in the eyes. 

“You got his name wrong.” Ranboo’s eyes were flicking between Rin and their parents, unsure of what was going to happen. 

“No, her name is Vanessa, I’m pretty sure I would know. I was the one who named her after all.”

“But that’s not his name,” Rin bit back. Ranboo’s dad was looking scared of what his wife would say next and Ranboo didn’t blame him, his mom could get scary.

“How do you know?”

“Because he told me.” Their mom stared at Ranboo with burning eyes. 

“I told you not to tell her,” she spat. “She’s too young.”

“Why am I too young?”

“You don’t understand all this complicated stuff.”

“I seem to understand it better than you, considering you won’t even use his right name and pronouns.”

“You shouldn’t have told her,” she growled at Ranboo.

“Why not?” he finally spoke up. “It’s not your thing to decide! I’m sorry that you don’t like that I’m a guy, but it’s what I am and you have to accept that. I’m not your perfect little daughter who- who likes dresses and skirts, I’m your son. And nothing is ever going to fucking change that!” There was a long silence, Ranboo glaring at his mother. 

“I can’t do this right now. We’re not having this conversation right now.” With that she stood up and stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind her. Ranboo jumped at the loud noise. Benji was sitting at the end of the table and opened his mouth to speak before their dad cut him off. 

“I’m sorry, Ranboo. She doesn’t understand. But I do. I’ll try my best to use the right name and pronouns, it might be a bit hard at the start, but I’ll try.” Ranboo smiled. It really meant a lot hearing that from his father. 

“Thanks, Dad.” Ranboo got to his feet and walked out and up to his room. He passed his mom who was sitting on the stairs. 

“What’s wrong with you?” she asked. Ranboo froze, standing next to her. She took his wrist in her hands and looked up at him. He stared determinately forward. “Why can’t you just be normal? Why do you have to be such a freak?” Ranboo tried to blink the tears from his eyes. He wasn’t going to cry, not here, not now. But his mother continued. 

“I didn’t want a tranny for a daughter.” Ranboo ripped his wrist free from his mother’s clutches and rushed up the stairs into his bedroom, slamming the door behind him. As soon as the door closed he threw himself onto his bed and screamed. He could do this because he had soundproof panels on his walls for when he was streaming, as to not disturb his family. He screamed and screamed. He didn’t even notice the tears streaming down his cheeks until he dragged his hands over face and they came away dripping. 

“FUCK!” he yelled again. He lied there for a while, just thinking over how fucked up his life was. Was this how Tubbo would react when he found out he was trans? Would he kick him out of his house? He hoped not. He couldn’t stand losing his best friend. 

There was a gentle knock at his door. Ranboo jumped up and wiped his eyes before the door creaked open. It was Benji. He looked nervous, as if Ranboo was a bomb about to go off at any second. 

“Can I come in?” Benji asked tentatively. Ranboo plastered a smile onto his face and nodded. 

“Yeah, come on in.” Benji walked over the threshold and closed the door behind him, sitting next to his older brother. They sat there in silence for a while, not an awkward one, but not a comfortable one either. 

“Um, so can I ask you a question?” Benji muttered, looking down at his hands. 

“Yeah, sure. Go ahead, Bud.” 

“What- what did mom mean? At dinner? And Rin. Why did mom get so upset?” Ranboo looked at his brother for a few moments before opening his mouth to reply. 

“Well, you see, some people, are born as a girl or born as a boy but they don’t feel like what they were born as. So a girl can be born as a girl but feel like a boy on the inside, and a boy can be born a boy but feel like a girl. And I am one of those people. I was born a girl but I feel like a boy. I am a boy. And mom…well mom doesn’t quite understand it yet.”

“So…you’re not my sister?”

“No, I’m not. I’m your brother.”

“Oh. Ok.”

“So you call me a boy, use he/him and call me Ranboo, is that ok?”

“Yeah, that’s ok. Is it normal?”

“Yes. It’s very normal. And if anyone says otherwise, they’re wrong.”

“Ok, Ranboo.” Ranboo smiled down at his younger brother. 

“C’mere.” Ranboo stretched out his arms and pulled Benji into a tight hug. The latter squirmed and giggled as Ranboo began tickling him. 

“Stop! Boo stop! No! Stop!” They two laughed as Ranboo mercilessly attacked until they collapsed onto the bed, panting and grinning. 

“I love you dude,” Ranboo sighed. Benji just smiled at him, saying nothing. “Oh so you’re not even gonna say it back?” Ranboo said in a mock offended tone. 

“Well you’re a guy now, a guy can’t say I love you to a guy.”

“But you just did.”

“I hate you.”

“No you don’t.” They were silent for a while before Benji spoke up. 

“Can I play Minecraft on your PC?” 

“Sure.” 

Ranboo set Benji up in minecraft and let him choose what server he wanted to play on. Of course he chose the Dream SMP. They spawned in and saw that Tubbo was online. Very soon Tubbo began spamming for Ranboo to VC him. Ranboo flicked over to discord and called his best friend. Benji was wearing the headphones and Ranboo was very scared of what he would say. The younger had a evil look on his face. 

“Hello Tubbo,” he said and burst into laughter at Tubbo’s reply. Ranboo took the headset off his brother’s ears and placed them on his own head. 

“Hey Tubbo, it’s me this time.” 

“WHO THE FUCK WAS THAT RANBOO? IT SOUNDED LIKE A CHILD!” Ranboo laughed.

“It’s my brother. He asked to play on my PC and came on the server.” 

“Hold on you have a brother?” 

“Yes, I do. And a sister.”

“WHY DID I NOT KNOW THIS?” Ranboo giggled. 

“I’ll give the headset back to him, be nice.” Benji looked happy and turned back to the monitor displaying Minecraft. Hearing only one side of the conversation was odd, Ranboo was honestly scared of what Tubbo was saying and asking his brother. At least Benji seemed to be enjoying it. Every once in a while Ranboo looked up from his phone and it seemed that Tubbo was giving Benji a tour of the entire SMP. 

Ranboo looked up because his brother was tapping his knee. 

“What is it?” 

“Tubbo’s asking a question I don’t know how to answer.” 

“Ah.” Ranboo walked over to his mic and told Tubbo they’d be right back before muting himself. He then turned to Benji. “What did he ask?” 

“He asked what your real name was. I didn’t know whether to say Nessa or Ranboo.” Ranboo stared down at his brother, impressed and touched that he had asked to make sure. 

“Tell him it’s Ranboo. Because that’s my name. Nessa isn’t my name anymore.” Benji nodded and Ranboo unmuted them again.“Sorry Tubbo, our dad walked in.” Benji sat back down and continued to play. 

Unluckily, or luckily depending on who you were, Ranboo next looked up as Benji was opening his ender chest, giggling evilly. Ranboo sprung up and rushed over to the PC just before Benji gave all of his diamonds to Tubbo. 

“TUBBO! What the heck dude?” Benji laughed at Tubbo’s reply and Ranboo looked expectantly at his brother. 

“He said it was just marriage, you had to share everything.” Ranboo rolled his eyes. 

“Your Tubbo speaking privileges have been taken away. Bye bye bee boy.” Ranboo hung up the discord call and logged off of the SMP, much to Benji’s protest. 

“You can play on a single player survival, then I don’t have to monitor you.” Benji nodded and Ranboo set up the server. When Benji was happy Ranboo resumed his position on the bed. Tubbo soon began messaging him. Not wanting to reply, Ranboo FaceTimed him and pointed the camera up and the ceiling. Tubbo answered almost instantly. Ranboo didn’t bother plugging in headphones as Benji couldn’t hear because of the headset covering his ears. 

“Ranboo since when do you have a brother?” 

“Since 9 years ago.” 

“Haha very funny. But why did I never know about this?” 

“I dunno.” Why had he never told Tubbo about his siblings? He hasn’t avoided the topic, it was more like it just never came up in their hours and hours of conversations. “Just never found the right time to mention it, I guess.” 

“Huh. Another question. Why did he say your real name was Ranboo? Surely your parents didn’t name you Ranboo? Who has to be high enough to name a child that? No offence, it’s a great username, just not what I expected as a real name.” Ranboo paused, not knowing how to reply. 

“Dunno, he said that himself.” Tubbo hummed and leaned more into his pillows. Ranboo watched the person on the screen, his best friend, who he was meeting in just four days. 

“Can I see your face?” Tubbo asked quietly. It wasn’t an odd question, Tubbo had seen his face before, it was just out of the blue. 

“Why?” Ranboo asked. 

“Because I miss it.” Ranboo smiled. 

“Sure.” He picked up his phone and tilted it toward his face that was half buried in blankets and pillows. There was a knock at his bedroom door, making Ranboo jump, and it creaked open, revealing their dad. 

“Benji, come on. Off Ranboo’s PC. Time for bed.” Benji tried to act like he couldn’t hear his dad so he had to walk up behind the boy and pry the headset off his ears. “Beeeeeenjiiiii,” he cooed softly, making Benji giggle. “Come on, time for bed.” Benji began to whine. 

“You can play another day,” Ranboo told him, which made him slightly more willing to go. Benji pushed himself off Ranboo’s unicorn chair and followed their dad to the bedroom door. 

“Goodnight, Boo,” he called. 

“Night, Benj.” Their dad gave Ranboo a smile before he closed the door. Ranboo turned back to his phone to see Tubbo’s confused face. “What?” 

“See what I mean? Your family is calling you Ranboo. I thought it was just a username.” 

“Meh, Benji just started calling me Ranboo ever since he found out I was streaming,” Ranboo lied straight through his teeth. It felt wrong lying to Tubbo but he couldn’t know that he was trans.

Not. Yet. 

Chapter Text

Ranboo’s eyes flickered open as bright light shone through his bedroom window. He groaned and shoved his pillow over his head. After lying there for a few minutes and realising that he wasn’t going back to sleep so Ranboo sat up and stared at his wall blankly. Eventually he came back to his senses and rolled his head over to stare at his phone. Glaring at the piece of metal and plastic, Ranboo outstretched his arm and picked it up, opening it to see a few messages, predictably, from Tubbo. Sighing, Ranboo slid open the notifications, briefly glancing up at the time. 6:53am. 

Tob

boo

boo

boo

boo

boo

wiat

whattiem is tu for you 

shit ist’s 2ma 

i will halve yo to iot

sleep boss oiuman

Ranboo laughed and began typing a reply. 

Ranboob

i was in fact asleep

but now

i am awake

whta did you want

Tob

RANBOO

HI

IH HI I

OH YEAH

well hello

what time does your flight leave

i must know

please

i asked nicely

Ranboob

wow o =k 

it leaves at 7am

tomorrow

7am PST

so

3pm ur time

Tob

ok 

fanks

Ranboob

np?

Ranboo closed his phone and rubbed his tired eyes. He had to stream later that day so he thought he should probably start packing. Thought being the key word. Instead he swung his legs out of his bed and walked himself down the hall into the bathroom. Glancing at himself in the mirror, he felt disgusted. Even though he was wearing a baggy shirt and baggy sweatpants, he could still see his chest and his curves below the fabric. He hated it. All of it. His eyes moved up to his face. Oh his horrid face. He hated how feminine his face looked, the shape, his eyes, everything. Especially today. All he could see was a girl. The voices in his head were chanting. 

Girl girl girl girl girl girl girl girl gi-

He slammed his hands onto the counter. No. He wasn’t a girl. He was Ranboo. And Ranboo was a boy. Shaking his head, he turned on the hot water of the shower and took off his clothes, trying as hard as he could to not look down at his disgusting body. He stepped into the shower and sat on the floor, a habit he had picked up as a child and was never able to shake. Letting the hot water drip down his skin, warming him to his core, and he thought. Thought about how excited he was to meet Tubbo. But. Would Tubbo know? Would he know as soon as Ranboo walked off the plane? He hoped not. I mean he hadn’t noticed yet, had he? And he had seen his face and heard his voice. No one had suspected a thing. Maybe he passed well? But how the fuck would he pass when he had two fucking tits attached to his chest, reminding him everyday that he wasn’t a real boy and never fucking would be. Leaning his head back, Ranboo let the water dampen his dirty blonde hair, turning it dark brown. The water stung his eyes but he just blinked it away, letting it drip down his face, burning his skin. He pulled his knees into his chest and stared blankly at the wall, thoughts whirling through his mind at a million miles an hour. Eventually he pushed himself off the ground and grabbed his shampoo bottle. He lathered his hair in the soapy bubbles and took in the smell. It smelled terrible. Well, it didn’t smell bad, it just smelled…feminine. He hurriedly rinsed the shampoo from his hair and applied the conditioner, rinsing it out as soon as he could so his hair wouldn’t smell feminine. After all the product was gone from his hair, Ranboo sat back down on the floor of the shower, staring at the droplets of water sliding down the foggy glass. 

After staring at the wall for what felt like years, Ranboo pushed himself to his feet again and turned off the steaming water. He only now realised that he had forgotten to bring a change of clothes with him. He wrapped the towel around himself and hurried into his room. Ranboo pulled open his drawers and grabbed his dysphoria hoodie, which was a stupidly oversized beige hoodie he had gotten a while ago, and some baggy black jeans. Ranboo went to pick a binder from his drawer then realised that all of them were in the wash for his trip to the UK. Fuck. He couldn’t not wear a binder today, his dysphoria was too bad, he had to have something, anything, to flatten his chest. Flicking his eyes around his room, he spotted a roll of ace bandages lying on his dresser. It was a dumb idea but it was the only one he had. Ranboo pulled on his boxers and jeans and grabbed the bandages. Standing in front of his mirror, he tightly wrapped the bandages around his chest. The compression was welcome after not wearing a binder for two days. He clipped the bandage in place and pulled his hoodie over the top. After adjusting the front of his hoodie slightly, Ranboo walked out of his room and down into the kitchen, where Pinot greeted him cheerily. He patted her head and walked over to the pantry, pulling out some crackers. Not a breakfast of kings but it would do. Ranboo actually had shit to do that day so, when he was full enough, he put the box back in the pantry and walked back up the stairs. 

Once he had packed his backpack with his snazzy Minecraft wallet, house keys, pen knife, headphones and a portable charger, he pushed his phone into the back pocket of his jeans and went down to the front door. As he was about to turn the door handle he was stopped by his mother’s voice behind him.

“Now where do you think you’re going?” Her voice was cold. 

“Out,” he replied, flatly. 

“I don’t think you are.”

“Well I think I am. I’m leaving the country tomorrow and I need a few things from town.”

“I’m just worried about you.”

“Bullshit.”

“I wouldn’t want a young woman all on her own out in the big city, something might happen.”

“For the last time, I’m not a fucking girl.” Ranboo spat through his teeth as he whipped around, anger threatening to burst, but before he could yell any more his dad came up behind his mom, resting his hands on her shoulder. 

“Come on now, Susan. Nessa is just going out into town, she’s old enough to take care of herself.” The words coming from his father’s mouth stung but he knew he was just saying it to make him mom leave him alone. She reluctantly nodded and turned around, leaving just Ranboo and his father staring at each other. 

“I’m so-“

“No, it’s fine. I get why you did it. Probably for the best.” Ranboo’s dad nodded and sighed. 

“Well, have fun, text me if you need me to come pick you up or anything.”

“Will do, dad.” Ranboo turned and walked out of his house into the warm summer air. 

Chapter Text

It didn’t take Ranboo long to walk to the train station, his long legs helping speed up his walk. He soon arrived at the station and walked down the stairs. He scanned his card and walked through the gates to the platform where his train would shortly arrive, according to the screen shining above him. Leaning against a seat, he scrolled through his phone, changing the playlist he was listening to, to his main character playlist and scrolling through twitter until his train arrived. He walked over and hopped on, taking a seat that had no one sitting next to it. The train ride wasn’t long so he just sat there, fidgeting and vibing to his music. 

It wasn’t long before the train pulled into his stop and he hopped off. There was considerably more people at this station, which made him lightly anxious but he took a deep breath and walked as fast as he could without getting weird looks and arrived on the street. He quickly adjusted his mask before heading off to the mall. He didn’t need many things, just some deodorant that smelled less feminine, shampoo and conditioner, things like that. The mall was a few blocks away so Ranboo enjoyed the city and the warm air as he walked, feeling very much like a main character in that moment. Although his chest felt tight and it was slightly harder to breathe than normal, he was fine, he could last for a while longer. He soon arrived and walked in through the main entrance. The air conditioning was a relief after the humid air outside. Immediately Ranboo headed toward the pharmacy. As he strolled through the aisles, looking for shampoo and conditioner, he stopped. 

“Uh, excuse me?” a small voice came from behind him. He turned around and saw a young person with long dark hair pulled back into two dutch braids. Ranboo pulled out one of his headphones before replying. 

“Yes?”

“Are- Are you Ranboo?” Ranboo stood there in slight shock. Had this person recognised him?

“Y-yeah, I..I am.”

“Oh my god! Can I get a photo?” 

“I- sure!” The person pulled out their phone and Ranboo bent down for them to take the photo. 

“I’m Nico! They/he.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Nico. As you know, I’m Ranboo, he/him but I’m fine with they/them or like any neopronouns.” Nico’s eyes lit up behind their mask. 

“I- Can I get a hug? If you’re comfortable with that-“

“Yeah! Totally!” Ranboo wrapped his arms around Nico, who was significantly shorter than him, and the two hugged. When they let go Nico had a huge grin on his face that was visible under their mask. 

“Well, thank you for that, Ranboo. And thank you for streaming, you have done so much for me. Thank you.”

“It’s my pleasure.” Nico gave him one last grin before walking away but before they left the aisle, they paused. 

“Are you comfortable with me showing people the photo?” they asked. Ranboo smiled even though they couldn’t see behind his mask and glasses. 

“Yeah, that’s fine. Thanks for asking.”

“Thanks. Bye!” Ranboo waved as Nico left, unable to wipe the smile from his face. Someone had recognised him! An actual person had recognised him! Ranboo couldn’t stop himself from happy stimming. Little did they know, Nico had just made his day. Ranboo continued walking through the pharmacy, choosing a shampoo, conditioner and deodorant before paying and leaving. After checking the time, he decided he would walk around the city and to the beach, maybe call Tubbo and just enjoy his last full day in the US for four months. After his playlist finished he decided he would call Tubbo, because he wouldn’t be spending enough time talking to him over the next four months. The older picked up after only two rings. 

“Ranbooooooooo my mannnnnnn.” A smile immediately formed on Ranboo’s face. 

“Hi, Tubbo,” he laughed. 

“Wait where are you? It sounds funny.”

“I’m in town.”

“Hold on hold on. You’re outside????” 

“Yes I am.”

“Did you touch grass yet?”

“Tubbo, I’m in an American city. Do you seriously expect grass to be anywhere?”

“I’ve never been to America..”

“You need to come over. I’ll give you a tour! Wanky.”

“Oh shut the fuck up.”

“No.”

“Ok that’s it, you’re not coming to the UK anymore.”

“Noooooooo.”

“What’s the magic word.”

“I already booked the flights, dickhead.” 

“I can not allow you access into the house, leave you stranded at Heathrow.”

“But you wouldn’t do that.”

“You never know. You don’t know that I wouldn’t stab you as soon as I saw your 6’7” ass.”

“Your hands can probably barely even reach my ankles.”

“Shhhhh. Not important.” Ranboo giggled and the two fell into a comfortable silence as Ranboo walked. He saw water on the horizon and knew he was close to the beach. He sped up slightly and hurried to the water’s edge. He didn’t regret this until he reached the sand and it had become increasingly harder to breathe with the tight bandaging around his ribs. Tubbo obviously noticed this. 

“Dude, are you ok? You sound like you’re dying.” How was Ranboo going to explain this, he couldn’t just tell Tubbo ‘oh yeah I can’t breath properly because I have bandaging around my tits I want to chop off but my mother won’t let me’. 

“Oh yeah, I- i’m fine. Just having some trouble breathing.”

“You better not be sick.”

“No no no, it’s nothing like that. Just my lungs being weird.” 

“Alright..” Ranboo sat himself down on the sand and watched the waves crash on the shore. He’d always loved the beach, it calmed him. He was excited to be living in Bognor Regis which was right next to the beach. 

The two friends talked for a long time. So long that Ranboo didn’t want it to ever end. The only reason they had to stop was because Ranboo got a text. A text from Rin. 

Rinny

dude

you should get home as soon as you can

Boo

why>?

what happened?

Rinny

mom

she’s pissed af

that you’ve been gone for so long

Boo

ok 

i'll head back now

but I’m at the beach so it’ll take a while

Rinny

aight

see you soon

“Tubbo, I gotta go, my mom is apparently pissed. Talk to you later.”

“Bye bye, Boo!”

“Bye!” Ranbo hung up the phone and pushed himself to his feet, wincing at the stabbing pain in his ribs. He had to ignore it. He had to get home so his mom wouldn’t murder him.

Why was his mom so mad? It had only been a few hours.

Chapter Text

Ranboo pushed open the front door and his mom immediately rushed toward him. 

“Where were you, young lady?!” she practically screamed in his face. 

“Like I said when I left, I was out,” he replied, flatly, staring down at his short mother. 

“Don’t give me that sort of sass. Where were you?”

“I went into the city.”

“Why would you go into the city?”

“Because I needed things for going to the UK tomorrow.”

“What sort of things?”

“It was literally fucking soap.” Frustration was bubbling up inside of his chest, threatening to explode any minute. 

“Don’t use that language with me, young lady.”

“I’M NOT A 'YOUNG LADY'! WHY CAN’T YOU GET IT INTO THAT THICK SKULL OF YOURS?” Ranboo screamed, storming past his mother. 

“You are a girl, you were born a girl. No amount of brainwashing from those 'friends' of yours can change that.” 

“Well if I’m a girl, then you’re not my mother.” 

“You’re sick.” Ranboo paused. 

“I’m what?”

“You’re not well, Nessa. You need a doctor.” 

“I’m perfectly healthy, thanks.”

“But you’re not, sweetie.” She went to grab Ranboo’s wrist but he pulled it from her grip. “You- people have these feelings when in reality they’re very very sick. I don’t think it’s safe for you to go to the UK-“

“I think the best place for me to be right now is the UK. Be away from your transphobic bullshit.” 

“No, no, honey.”

“I’m going to the UK tomorrow, I don’t care. I am meeting my best friends.” He began walking toward the door but his mother’s voice stopped him. 

“Do they know what you are? How disgusting you are? How sick you are?” At this point Ranboo was shaking with anger. 

“Yes. They do. And they accept me. Better than my own mother could do.” With that Ranboo opened the door and walked upstairs to his room, slamming the door behind him. He wanted to punch something. Not wanting to break his hand, he settled with throwing down his bag and calling Tubbo again. 

“Hey, Ranboo! Why was your mom pissed?” Ranboo sighed. 

“Oh, it was nothing. She just got mad at me for going into the city to get shampoo and stuff for tomorrow.”

“Huh, that sucks dude. At least you’ll be gone soon. Less than 24 hours!” Ranboo smiled. 

“Yeah…less than 24 hours.” 

Ranboo and Tubbo talked for a long time, Ranboo lying on his bed, staring at his ceiling. He began playing with the remote for his LED strips, making his room different colours. Eventually he settled on a purple, it made him feel calm. Safe. Ranboo checked the time on his phone and saw that it was 6:45pm. 

“Aight, Tubbo. I reckon I should go have sustenance then finish packing most of my stuff.”

“Ok, tall man. Take care of yourself.”

“Will do. You take care of yourself too. Goodnight, Tubbo.”

“Goodnight.” When he had hung up Ranboo sighed and pushed himself up into a sitting position but was stopped by a stabbing pain in his ribs. He only just realised how tight the bandaging around his chest was. It had been 11 hours since he first started binding. He knew in the back of his mind he should really take off the bandages but he already had the voices of dysphoria echoing in his mind and didn’t need them to scream any louder. So, he just sucked it up and tried his best to walk as normally as he could down into the kitchen. Luckily the kitchen was empty so he was able to get food in peace. He decided to make porridge because apparently he was an old British man. He poured the oats and water into a glass bowl and put them in the microwave for 2 minutes. As he waited, he walked over to the couch where Pinot was fast asleep. Her head popped up as he approached and her tail started wagging. Ranboo was going to miss her while he was in the UK. Pinot rolled onto her back, letting Ranboo rub her belly. She looked like she was in heaven, her tongue lolling out, belly being rubbed, smile on her face. Oh how he wished he could feel like that. 

“Jesus Christ,” he muttered to himself. He was so sad, he was jealous of a dog. Well, when you think about it, dogs do have the ideal lifestyle. They get fed, watered, taken for walks, they don’t have stress or school as a part of their daily lives, they-

Ranboo was snapped out of his thoughts by the microwave beeping angrily at him. Probably for the best, he didn’t want to do down the rabbit hole of a dog’s daily life. Pushing himself to his feet, he walked over to the microwave and took out the bowl, Pinot standing behind him. He smiled at her, brushing his hands over her head as he walked to get the milk from the fridge. He continued to make his porridge and, once it was cooked, took out some brown sugar from the pantry and sprinkled it onto the old man food. Ranboo then took out his phone and snapped a photo of his dinner, posting it to twitter with the caption “good soup”. Laughing at his own joke, Ranboo patted Pinot’s head one last time, telling her he was going to go upstairs to pack, and walked to his room. Pinot, unsurprisingly considering he had food, followed him into his room and sat patiently by his feet as he ate. When he had finished, he gave her his empty bowl to lick, which she gratefully took, and he got up and pulled his suitcase out of his wardrobe. It was now that he realised how fucking dumb he had been, having packed absolutely nothing. And he was leaving the next morning. He guessed he wasn’t going to sleep that night. So he began packing. The rest of his family was still awake so he could storm through the house and not have them yell at him for being too loud.

After about four hours, Ranboo had almost finished, which was surprising considering he was usually an extremely slow packer. Maybe the fact that he was listening to a random classical playlist he found on Spotify was making him pack faster because he was imagining himself in a dark academia film, running though a castle, just being a main character. His chest was in extreme pain, he could barely take a breath without his ribs feeling like they were about to crack. He had to take the bandages off. But, he found himself trying to forget, trying to make himself suffer through the pain. They say “beauty is pain”, right? Well, the only thing that made him even the tiniest bit beautiful was having a flat chest, so he’d just have to put up with it. Although at this point he had had his binder on for around 15 hours. He knew it wasn’t safe, he knew he should take it off, but then, why wasn’t he? Why couldn’t he? 

Ranboo was making direct eye contact with his reflection, daydreaming, when Rin opened his door, making him jump, causing pain to shoot through his ribs. 

“Wassup, Ranboo my man.” Rin obviously noticed the grimace of pain flicker over his face and her expression turned to one of concern. “What’s wrong? What happened?” Ranboo shook his head, hand still resting over his chest. 

“Nothing, just jumped at a weird angle.” Rin didn’t look convinced. 

“Dude, just spit it out.”

“It’s nothing.” He could feel her piercing gaze on the back of his head as he placed more things into his suitcase. 

“How long?” she asked, taking Ranboo aback slightly. How had she known?

“What?”

“How long have you had it on?”

“I don-“

“Don’t act dumb. I’m not stupid.” Her voice was stern. “How long have you had it on.” 

“15 hours,” he muttered, glancing up at his sister’s face. She looked mad. To be honest, Ranboo was scared of his sister whenever she was angry, she could be terrifying. 

“Take it off.”

“But-“

“I said, take it off.”

“Rin, you- you don’t understand.” Ranboo almost laughed in desperation. 

“What I understand is my brother is crushing his ribs and lungs and needs to take his fucking binder off.” Ranboo glared at her. He knew there was no point in trying to change her mind. 

“Fine.” He pushed himself to his feet, wincing as he did so, and walked into the bathroom. He stood there for a long time, staring at the mirror, staring at the bandages tightly wound around his body, constricting his breathing. Slowly but surely, he brought his arms up to the clasp holding the wrapping together and took it out, immediately providing some relief. Ranboo unwound and unwound the bandaging until it was all gone and sitting in a pile on the floor. Ranboo took a deep breath, more pain stabbed at him. Leaning closer to the mirror, Ranboo inspected his bruised and red ribs. He then stared at his chest. The thing that had forced him to push his body to the limits. How was he going to survive in the UK without Tubbo finding out? His chest wasn’t exactly small either, only making it more difficult. He pulled his shirt over his head, wincing as he lifted his arms up once more. He picked up the bandages and walked back into his room, dumping them onto his dresser. 

“You happy now?” he asked, exasperatedly. 

“No,” Rin replied. “No, actually, I’m not.”

“What did I do now?” She pointed at the pile of bandages. Ranboo was confused. 

“Oh don’t act dumb. Seriously? Using bandages. Do you know how bad that is for you? And especially for 15-“

“Ok, I get it. It was just because I didn’t have any clean binders. It was a last resort.” Rin glared at him, unconvinced, but hummed nonetheless. 

“Fine. But if I ever, ever, catch you using those again, I will whip your ass.” She then got to her feet and left the room, grabbing the ace bandages as she left. Ranboo sighed. He pulled out his phone and began typing a message to Tubbo. He had time, the only things he had left to pack were toiletries and his binders, which were still drying on the line outside. 

Ranboob is typing…

Chapter Text

Ranboob 

hi tubbo

Tob

greetings ranboo
what is your reasoning for sending me a message via electronic mail this dash in evening
sincerely,
toby

Ranboob

my dearest friend,
i was perched on the edge of my mattress, thinking about my great and treacherous journey that i must make in a matter of hours and, as I started to get more concerned about the dangers, i knew in my heart there was only one person who could bring me comfort in this moment. that is you. 
sincerely,
ranboo

Tob

finest ranboo,
i am disheartened to hear of your anxiousness of the perilous journey ahead. but do not worry, great sir, as you will not be alone. i, toby smith, will be with your soul the entire time, as i care about you very much. i will not let your spirit be on the aeroplane alone. aircrafts are terrifying things, i would have such knowledge, having been on many myself, but it is nothing to fret about. i promise you that. the period of time that you are flying over the vast oceans between our two countries will feel like the hand of the clock has barely ticked. 
sending you all of my luck,
toby

Ranboob

kindest toby,
i thank you greatly for your generous advice for my journey. I now imagine myself well prepared and am enthralled to meet you in only a matter of hours. 
gratefully, 
ranboo

PS. why the fuck do you spell airplane so weird

Tob

bruh

thats just rude

sorr I’ mbrithish ig

Ranboob

you alright there mate?

Tob

no

Ranboob

good to knwo

Ranboo chuckled and closed his phone, resting it on his bruised chest. Tubbo always made him smile when all he wanted to do was curl into a ball and cry. But he was too weak to tell his best friend that he was trans. Because he was so fucking weak. So scared that everyone he loved and cared about would leave him just because he was born a girl. Sometimes he thought, fuck it, and almost texted everyone telling them but every time he was about to send the message, he came to his senses and quickly deleted it. It shouldn’t be this hard to just tell someone. Tell Tubbo. 

Ranboo felt his eyelids becoming heavy. He picked up his phone and quickly set an alarm for 3:30am. He had to arrive at the airport at 5am at the very latest to check in - two hours before the ever awaited flight. After turning his phone off, he let himself be taken over by tiredness. 

Annoying repetitive beeping dragged him from his sleep. Ranboo groaned and shoved his pillow over his ears, trying to block out the sound. He just wanted to sleep. When the alarm wouldn’t turn off on its own, he slapped his phone until it stopped beeping. As he was about to fall asleep again he realised why the alarm had been going off. 

He was going to the UK. 

Chapter Text

Ranboo hugged his dad goodbye and walked through the front doors of the airport, dragging his suitcase behind him. He felt oddly awake for 4:45 in the morning, maybe it was because he was so excited to meet Tubbo. It didn’t take long for him to get checked in and be free of his heavy suitcase. He decided to just go through security now, so he wouldn’t be stressing about it later. The airport had a surprising amount of people in it for 5am, which made him slightly anxious but it would be ok. He was going to see Tubbo in 13 hours. Everything had to be ok. 

Going through security wasn’t too bad, Ranboo had been afraid that the guards would question why he had a binder in his backpack but luckily, when they did take his backpack to the side to investigate his anxiety medications, they just moved it to the side, no questions asked. Ranboo let out a sigh of relief when he walked out into the gate area. It was barely 6am so he had about an hour to chill until his flight took off, which meant about 30 minutes until boarding would start. Aeroplane food always grossed him out so he decided to eat before he got on the plane. After walking around for a while, he settled on an asian restaurant and glanced over the menu. He chose pot stickers and sat down waiting for his food. It didn’t take long for the food to be ready and he dug in.  As he was eating, Ranboo pulled out his phone messaged Tubbo. 

Ranboob

most of the scary shit out the way

Tob

most??

Ranboob

i hate flying

Tob

oh yeahhhhh

it’ll be fine

promise

Ranboo smiled as he continued his conversation with Tubbo. His food was soon finished and he walked back out to his gate, having payed when he ordered. Ranboo walked through the international terminal and found his gate. He sat near where he would be boarding and thought over what he would do when he landed. He wasn’t wearing his binder on the flight, even though it made him extremely dysphoric, because he didn’t want to crush his ribs even more since he would be wearing a binder pretty much constantly while he was in the UK if he didn’t come out to Tubbo. He knew it was dangerous, he knew he could end up in hospital, but he just wasn’t ready for his friends to see him differently. Instead of thinking about the bad things that could come from the trip, Ranboo decided to focus on the good things. He gets to meet his best friends, experience another country, be free from his transphobic mother. And he got to experience it all for four months. He really was lucky. Ranboo wondered how chat would react when they found out that the bee duo had finally met up. Well, of course they would be excited, they were constantly analysing both his and Tubbo’s streams for any clues possible, so it would be a real surprise if they weren’t excited. 

Ranboo was shaken from his thoughts by a female voice ringing through the intercom. 

“Would everyone on British Airways flight 725 in seats 1 to 78 please report to the boarding, thank you.” That was him. He was in seat 52. It was go time. Taking out his passport and boarding pass from his backpack and shoving his phone into his back pocket, Ranboo joined the flock of people queueing to board the plane. It was now they nerves started to bubble in his stomach. He had always hated flying, the thought of being trapped in a metal tube flying over gods knows what at hundreds of miles an hour for almost 12 consecutive hours, no thanks. Not for him. But he had brought his anxiety medication, he could take some if it became too much. It would be ok. But would it? There were so many things that could go wrong, so many things that could happen so many-

“Your boarding pass please, ma’am?” It was a kind looking woman who spoke to him, her auburn curls pulled back into a short ponytail, a name tag pinned to her chest. It stung slightly hearing himself be referred to as ‘ma’am’ but the woman was just trying to do her job.

“Oh yeah, sorry,” he stammered, handing her his passport that had his boarding pass tucked between the pages. Ranboo looked down at her name tag what read ‘Maxine’. 

Pretty name, Ranboo thought. The he noticed another pin below the first one. It was a small rounded enamel pin which read ‘she/xi’ with a trans flag background. That made Ranboo smile slightly. As the person looked over the papers Ranboo had given her, xi spoke again.

“Bit nervous?” she asked, obviously noticing Ranboo’s constant fidgeting. 

“Yeah, never been much of a flyer.” Xi smiled at him as she handed back his passport after ripping the end off the boarding pass. 

“Well, you have nothing to worry about. The captain who’s flying today is one of the best.” Ranboo smiled and thanked xir before walking into the air bridge. There was no turning back now. 

It didn’t take him long to find his seat. There wasn’t much leg room but what else would you expect from an aeroplane. He sat and pulled out his phone and headphones before stuffing his bag under the seat in front of him. After clicking shuffle on the playlist he had downloaded, Ranboo opened messages. 

Ranboob

yoooooo

tubbooooo

Tob

yeeeereessssss ?????

Ranboob

so when i was boarding the person who took my boarding pass had a pronouns pin with a trans flag on itttttttt

Oh shit. Ranboo hadn’t thought before he typed. But it was too late. The message had already sent. And Tubbo had read it. Ranboo just hoped he wouldn’t think anything of it. 

Tob

yooooooo pogggggg

Ranboo let out a sigh of relief. Then there was the sound indicating there was about to be the safety briefing. 

Ranboob

about to take off

see you in 11 hourssssssss

Tob

ookkkkk

have a safe flightttttt :))))

Ranboo sat back and tried his hardest to focus on his music. He knew he should really be focusing on the safety briefing but he couldn’t. Why did they have to tell you all the ways flying for hours on end in a death machine could go wrong? His leg began bouncing uncontrollably, anxiety bubbling up. Hurriedly, he pulled a stick of gum out of his backpack and put it in his mouth. The engines began to rev, making the entire plane vibrate. All Ranboo could do was try to calm his breathing and stop his hands from trembling. As the plane headed toward the runway, Ranboo closed his eyes, just wanting it to be over with. The engines roared and everyone was pushed back into their seats. They shot down the tarmac and soon Ranboo felt them rise into the air. He felt like he was on a roller coaster, his stomach was sinking and dipping, he was afraid he was going to be sick. But when he opened his eyes and looked out the tiny window, there were fluffy clouds below them. They seemed to have mostly flattened out. Ranboo let out a breath he didn’t even know he was holding. Now he should be ok until they started their descent, although he doubted his leg would stop bouncing for the majority of the flight. Luckily, Ranboo got a row to himself so he would hopefully be able to stop his legs from cramping a bit. 

He was about an hour into his flight when he started to become drowsy. He was watching The Big Bang Theory because there was nothing else that was interesting. It reminded him of when he was young because his dad used to watch it all the time. Ranboo’s eyelids became heavy and he found himself falling into a light sleep. 

He didn’t dream of much, just cats mostly. Don’t ask, his dreams were weird. 

As his eyes opened once again, Ranboo looked out of the window and saw the same view, fluffy clouds with glimpses of blue water below them. Ranboo sighed and tried to fix his posture slightly, earning a loud pop from his back. He had no idea how long he had been asleep so went onto the screen in the chair in front and scrolled through until he found the map. He was surprised to see that four hours of the flight had already passed. Only 7 more to go. Ranboo still felt exhausted but his body wouldn’t let him fall back into sleep’s safe arms so he put on Antman and settled down. 

Ranboo only looked away from the screen when the entire plane shook violently. Anxiety immediately exploded in his chest, his breathing quickened, his hands began trembling. Another jolt. Ranboo let out a small whimper of fear. He couldn’t breathe, fear was overwhelming him, his entire body was shaking-

“Are you okay there?” Ranboo opened one of his eyes and squinted over at who was talking to him. It was the woman who had checked his boarding pass. 

“I- Sorry, it’s just-“

“Don’t be sorry, everyone has something they’re scared of. Just breathe with me, okay? Can you do that?” Ranboo nodded as xi slipped into the seat next to him. She gently took one of his hands from where it had been clenched on the armrest and began running xir fingers over his knuckles in an attempt to ground him. Ranboo tried his best to follow her breathing but every time there was another bump of turbulence his breath hitched in his throat. Maxine was very calm with him, encouraging him and trying to ground him. Eventually his breathing was calm enough to where he could breathe on his own. 

“Now what’s your name?” Maxine asked, her friendly dark hazel eyes sparkling. 

“Um,” Ranboo thought for a second, his eyes flicking down to her trans pin. “Ranboo. My name’s Ranboo.” 

“I like that name. Pronouns?” Ranboo smiled under his mask. 

“He/him. What about you?”

“Well, I’m Max and I use she/xi pronouns, but it’s fine if you don’t understand how to use neopronouns, a lot of people don’t know.”

“I’ll try my best.” That made her smile. 

“Are you okay now? I can stay here if you want me to, I don’t mind.”

“If you don’t mind? Flying is really not my thing.”

“That’s fine. What’s got you going to the UK?”

“I’m actually meeting my best friends and living with them for four months.”

“Oh my god, that’s so cool! I hope everything goes ok.”

“Yeah…I hope so too.”

“What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

“It’s just- Sorry, I don’t want to dump all of my shit onto you.”

“No it’s totally fine, you can tell me. My lips are sealed.” 

“Thanks. Well, it’s just, none of them over there know I’m trans and I don’t know how to tell them. I’ll have to bind for a long time until I’m ready to tell them.” 

“I’m sorry, dude. Tell them when you’re ready, just please remember to bind safely. It could end up with you in hospital if you’re not careful.” 

“Thanks.” The two continued to talk for a while before Max had to go and continue being a flight attendant. 

“You seem cool, would you wanna maybe talk again sometime?” 

“Sure! Do you have discord?”

“I do actually.” They exchanged discords and Max walked away. What the fuck just happened? Had- had he just been social???

Chapter Text

There was an announcement that rang through the plane saying that they were starting their decent and that everyone needed to buckle up their seatbelts. Ranboo hated this part. He cracked his knuckles subconsciously and tried his hardest to concentrate on his music that was blasting into his ears at full volume. It was just another half hour until he would be in the UK. Just another half hour until this whole thing was over. Just another half hour until he got to meet Tubbo. 

After what felt like forever, the wheels of the plane touched the ground. Ranboo let out a breath of relief that he didn’t even know he was holding. He had made it. Holy shit he had made it. A smile cracked across his face and he began happy stimming. As the plane rolled over to the gate, Ranboo put all of his things apart from his phone into his backpack. He quickly messaged Tubbo telling him he had landed. 

Ranboob

i lived bitch

Tob

congratulations

do you want a fucking medal//?

Ranboob

shut up

anyway where are you

Tob  

waiting

Ranboob

helpful

still on the plane so you’ll be waiting a while

have fun

It was then when the doors to the plane opened and they were given the all clear to disembark. Ranboo didn’t have much to carry, only his backpack for now, so he was able to slip off the plane rather quickly. He walked through the mildly crowded airport toward customs, declaration slip in hand. He didn’t have anything to declare so was able to slip through quicker than expected. Before Tubbo could see him, Ranboo hurried into the men’s bathroom and locked himself into a stall. He opened his backpack and pulled out his black binder. The thing that would be constricting his breathing for who knows how long. He pulled it over his head, wincing slightly as it pushed on his already bruised ribs but welcoming the familiar compressing feeling. Taking a deep breath, he zipped his bag back up and walked out into the baggage claim area and over to belt number 5 where his luggage would be coming out. It didn’t take long for his suitcase to come around and he picked it up and wheeled it away as to not block the area. He pulled his phone from his back pocket and messaged Tubbo. 

Ranboob

where are you i got ma shit

Tob

by the door

Ranboob

dude idk where that is

Tob

ok

go to like where the toilets are and ill meet you there

His phone clicked off and Ranboo made his way over to the toilet signs. As he was walking he spotted him. The short one. They made eye contact and Ranboo continued to walk toward him, neither of them looking away. Ranboo stood in front of Tubbo and stared down at him. 

“Heh, short,” Ranboo snickered. 

“Hey! I am not short,” Tubbo retorted. 

Whatever you say, goblin.” Tubbo rolled his eyes. 

“So, you wanna get out of here? It’s like an hour and a half drive.” Ranboo nodded and followed Tubbo out of the airport and into the night. It was about 2am so the air was pretty cool for it being the middle of summer. They clambered into Tubbo’s car, shoving Ranboo’s suitcase into the boot, and Tubbo started up the engine. The drive started with the two just talking about anything and everything. It was great to finally meet his best friend in person. After about 30 minutes of driving, Tubbo pulled up in front of a 24 hour Sainsbury’s. 

“Wanna get some hard drugs?” Tubbo flashed a grin in Ranboo’s direction as he unclipped his seatbelt. 

“Always,” Ranboo laughed. The pair walked down the aisles, picking up candies, chips, monsters and many other things that were definitely terrible for them. Once they had payed, they climbed back into the car for the final hour of driving. 

As they sipped on their monsters, Tubbo drinking Ultra Paradise and Ranboo drinking Ultra, their conversation slowed and a silence fell between them. Not an uncomfortable silence, just calm. 

That’s when the voices started screaming. 

Chapter Text

Although it was around the time Tubbo would usually start heading to bed, it was only 8:30pm in Ranboo’s clock so he was wide awake. Even though Tubbo had drunk an entire monster, he still managed to pass out not long after they got home. He had given Ranboo a quick tour of the house then gone to bed, which Ranboo wasn’t complaining about, he was going to let the boy sleep, but it let the voices that had been muffled by Tubbo’s presence be heard. 

He knows he knows he knows he knows he knows he knows he knows he knows he-

How?

He can see it. He can hear it.

But if he knows, why hasn’t he said anything?

Because he’s Tubbo. He won’t say it to your face. But right now, he’s thinking about how disgusting you are, how much he regrets meeting you.

He acted excited though.

He lied. He doesn’t want you here. He doesn’t want a freak in his house. 

But- He’s my best friend. He couldn’t do that.

Oh but he could, you know he could. 

Ranboo felt the first tear fall from his eyes. After that, they wouldn’t stop. So he just sat there, letting the tears silently slide down his hot cheeks. Maybe they were right. Maybe Tubbo did know. Maybe he knew from the first time he laid eyes on him. Maybe he was wondering how to throw him to the curb. Maybe-

Ranboo nearly jumped out of his skin when Tubbo rolled over in his bed. He quickly wiped the tears from his face, staring up in fear at his sleeping friend. When he was fully sure that Tubbo was asleep, he got to his feet and walked into the bathroom, locking the door behind him and sliding down the wall until he was sitting in a huddle on the floor. He knew he should probably take off his binder while he knew Tubbo wouldn’t see him but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He couldn’t see his chest. Not now, not ever. Why did he have to be trans? Why him? What did he do to deserve this? What had he done wrong? He sat there for a long time, staring at the cabinet under the sink, numb, shivering. 

Ranboo blinked. Sunlight was beginning to shine though the the small window. How long had he been sitting there? He knew he should stand but his legs felt like they were made of lead. He jumped when there was a soft knock at the door, quickly stumbling to his feet to open the door, revealing a dishevelled looking Tubbo. 

“What were you doing in there?” he asked, rubbing his eyes tiredly. 

“Oh, nothing. I didn’t realise what the time was.” Ranboo forced a small smile onto his face, still feeling quite out of it. 

“Are you okay, man? Your eyes look puffy.”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Tubbo looked sceptical but ignored it, thankfully. “Oh shit, did you want to use the bathroom, I’ll get-“

“No no, I just came looking for you. I woke up and you weren’t in the sitting room so I went investigating.” Ranboo nodded.

“I thought you would be sleeping for a lot longer, you only slept for, what, an hour or so?” 

“Probably the monster, also I got a lot of sleep before you arrived because I knew we would be up a lot.” 

“Ah.” 

“Do you want breakfast?” Ranboo sighed. 

“Nah, I’m alright for now, thanks.” Tubbo nodded and the two walked back into the living room with their PCs, flopping onto the couch next to each other. A comfortable silence fell over them as they both scrolled through their phones. 

“So, what do you wanna do today? We have the streams planned for later but then we have the whole day to do whatever. If you don’t wanna go out, that’s fine, I understand you just had a long flight and shit,” Tubbo finally spoke up. Ranboo thought for a moment. 

“Well, we’re meeting up with Phil, Wilbur, Tommy and stuff tomorrow so I reckon we should probably have a more chill day today so we don’t die tomorrow.” Deep down Ranboo knew he would be dying tomorrow either way because it would be his second day straight of binding but it was fine, he could handle it. Tubbo agreed with him and they fell back into their silence. Ranboo felt a cough growing in his chest. He prayed that it would go away on its own, knowing it would be painful to cough with his already bruised rib cage. Alas, his wish did not come true and he began coughing. Pain shot through his ribs and he hissed. 

“You alright there?” Ranboo cleared his throat. 

“Y-yeah, I’m…I’m fine.” He was rubbing the side of his chest, trying to make the pain go away. His expression must have still shadowed his pain so Tubbo pushed further. 

“Are you sure? You don’t seem fine.” Sometimes Ranboo hated how well Tubbo could read him. 

“I’m fine, really.” He flashed Tubbo a smile, removing his hand from his ribs, and that made him drop the subject. A few hours later, Tubbo was about to start stream. Ranboo was perched to the side of his desk like a gremlin, out of view of the camera. He watched Tubbo as he began his stream like normal and begin practicing for MCC. Tubbo turned off his camera and Ranboo knew it was his queue. He walked behind Tubbo, over by the couch, and stood there. He watched as chat went crazy and walked back out of frame. The other tried to continue his stream but Ranboo wasn’t having any of that and looked around at something to throw at the shorter. He quickly found a stuffed octopus and took his chance. Tubbo laughed and Ranboo scooted into the frame. 

The stream was amazing. It was so much fun to play on the MCC practice server, running from Scott every time he logged on, reading chat, making stupid jokes. It was probably one of Ranboo’s favourite streams he had ever done. They said their goodbyes to chat and Tubbo ended the stream. They both relaxed slightly, Ranboo taking off his glasses and throwing them over to his desk. 

“I think that went well,” Tubbo joked. Ranboo huffed. 

“Maybe.” He glanced down at the time on Tubbo’s monitor. 11:34. It had been eight hours since Ranboo had put his binder on. It was only a matter of time until it all went to shit. 

“Food?” Tubbo piped up. 

“Food.” The two teens got to their feet, Ranboo still not over how short Tubbo was, and made their way into the kitchen. Tubbo looked through the pantry and fridge. “We could make eggs?” Ranboo suggested.

“Eggs it is,” Tubbo replied. He walked over to pull out the frying pan as Ranboo took the eggs and milk from the fridge, placing them on the counter. Silently, they each cracked two eggs into a bowl, whisking them up before adding a splash of milk. The eggs were poured onto the pan and scrambled by Tubbo as Ranboo took out a few slices of toast and dropped them into the toaster. When it popped up, Ranboo placed them onto two plates and waited for Tubbo to finish with the eggs. It didn’t take long and Tubbo poured the eggs onto the plates. The two seasoned them to their liking and sat on the couch together, talking, as they ate. 

They cleared away their dishes and continued talking. 

“Hey, do you wanna go on a walk or something? I dunno, just to get out of the house?” Ranboo suggested. Tubbo nodded enthusiastically. 

“Yeah! We can walk to this park that’s not too far away, it’s really nice. I’ll show you all the cool things.” Ranboo felt a smile form on his face and the two went off the get their shoes and other things they would need. Ranboo just having his phone, Tubbo having phone and keys. They still needed to get an extra set of keys cut for Ranboo, maybe they would do that later in the week. The air was warm as they set off, not uncomfortable, just nice. Ranboo always hated going out in public, it made him anxious and dysphoric. He always had a feeling that people would think he was a girl because of his more feminine body shape but hopefully no one would comment on it. Ranboo was honestly surprised that Tubbo hadn’t noticed or even commented on how feminine his body looked, he was thankful for it though. It saved a lot of awkward questions. 

As the two strolled the streets of Bognor Regis, they talked about their plans for tomorrow. They were going to be meeting with Tommy, Phil, Wilbur, Jack, Niki, George and Scott in Brighton. It was going to be great. Ranboo just hoped none of them would notice his inevitable pain and inability to breathe. It took them about 15 minutes to arrive at the park Tubbo had mentioned. It was very pretty, open grassy field on one side and forest on the other. The midday sun beat down on their necks as they strolled around the park and through the trees. It wasn’t long before Ranboo was sprinting after Tubbo, the latter screaming his head off in fear as slenderman ran at him. It was soon that Ranboo caught up with Tubbo and tackled him to the ground. People must have thought they were crazy, two teenagers sprinting around a park at 12 o’clock on a Sunday, laughing their asses off. They lay there in the grass until their cackles dissolved into occasional giggles. Ranboo pushed himself onto his elbows and looked around. He noticed that there were daisies littering the grass around them and had an idea. He began picking a few and piled them into his lap. Once he had a sufficient collection, he began his work, piercing the stems with his fingernails then threading the next flower through. Tubbo watched with curiosity as the younger boy worked. He quickly finished his first crown and began on his second, soon finishing that one too. He picked up the matching crowns, placing one one on his own head and the other into Tubbo’s brown curls. **A/N: NOT SHIPPING, DON'T BE WEIRD**

“How did you do that so fast?” Tubbo asked, curiously. Ranboo shrugged. 

“I used to make them a lot as a kid with my Nan, it was like her thing. That and collecting rocks and driftwood from the beaches.” 

“That’s cool.” The two fell back into a comfortable silence, listening to the rustling of the leaves from the light breeze and the quiet chirping of birds in the distance. They sat there for a long time until Tubbo pushed himself to his feet, saying they should probably start heading back. Ranboo agreed and stood, taking in a sharp breath as he stood as pain shot through his sternum. 

“Dude are you sure you’re okay? Something’s obviously up, something’s obviously hurting you. What’s wrong?” There was concern etched all over Tubbo’s face. Ranboo just stared down at him. 

Yeah something’s up. I’m fucking trans and don’t know how to tell you. 

“It’s nothing, I just have dodgy ribs. Have for a long time. It’s nothing to worry about, I swear.” Tubbo looked unconvinced but they moved on and walked home. 

Chapter Text

16 hours. He had been wearing his binder for 16 hours straight. But it was okay, he and Tubbo had to be up at 9 to catch the train up to Brighton, he could just set his alarm for earlier so he wouldn’t have to sleep with his binder on. It would be fine. Ranboo was lying on the couch, trying to ignore the irritation under his binder. He knew he had to stream, he had promised. So he forced himself over to his PC to set up the stream. Luckily it was a chill stream so he didn’t have to put much effort in. 

The stream went well although it rendered Ranboo exhausted, having not slept in about 24 hours. He brushed his teeth and changed into some sweatpants, it becoming harder and harder to keep his eyes open. He knew he had to stay awake at least until Tubbo fell asleep so he could take his binder off. But as soon as he flopped onto the couch, his eyes felt even heavier. He tried to fight it, tried to stay awake, but his body was so exhausted he eventually had to give in. 

He woke to sunlight blaring through the thin blinds right onto his pillow. Immediately he was aware of the stabbing pain in his chest. Fuck. He sat up a bit too quickly, hissing and clutching the side of his ribs. It was 7am. Why did he have to fall asleep with his gods damned binder on? Why did he let himself do it? Well, today was going to be interesting. He still felt exhausted, his ribs were already fucked so he didn’t think there was any point taking his binder off now. Ranboo allowed himself to lie back down, painfully, and drifted into a light sleep. 

Tubbo was shaking Ranboo’s shoulder, unaware of the extreme pain it was causing his friend. 

“Ranboo, dude, come on, get up, we need to get the train.” Ranboo groaned in response, showing he was awake, so Tubbo went off to have a quick shower, allowing Ranboo to wake up properly. As he heard the shower start, he attempted to sit up, a shooting pain in his ribs making it difficult. When he finally managed to get into a sitting position, he stared blankly at the floor, breathing shallow. It hurt to take deep breaths, he’d just have to deal with it and hope that no one noticed. Ranboo tried his best to adjust himself and his binder to get comfortable but he quickly realised that it was practically impossible after wearing a binder for 30 hours. 30 hours was nothing compared to how much he would be forced to wear it for the next four months. He’d be fine, he is fine. What would he do if someone asked him what was wrong? What would he do if he passed out? It had happened before, what’s to say it wouldn’t happen again? What if-

Ranboo pulled himself from his thoughts and got up to grab some breakfast before they left. Although he could feel the hunger clawing at his stomach, he knew he wouldn’t be able to keep down much because of his nerves, so just grabbed an apple and began eating. It didn’t take long for Tubbo to be finished with his shower and Ranboo could go in. He grabbed his towel, toiletries bag and a change of clothes, including a new binder hidden inside his new hoodie, and locked the bathroom door behind him. Cranking the water to the hottest temperature, Ranboo pulled off his oversized hoodie and t-shirt. He stared at the mirror for a few seconds before pulling off his binder. It hurt a lot but it was off, even if it was only for a few minutes. He sighed, feeling a sharp pain in his sternum as he inhaled. Ranboo hopped into the shower, allowing the water to burn his skin. He sat down on the floor and wiped the water from his eyes. He was excited, of course he was, he was meeting his friends he had known for months that day, but he wouldn’t help but be terrified. Terrified that they’d figure out. They wouldn’t, right? Not if he played his cards right. If he he said the right things and acted the right way, no one would question him. He’d take an ibuprofen and paracetamol, he’d be fine. They would have no reason to question him. Ranboo glanced at his phone and realised he needed to get dressed so they wouldn’t be late for their train. Quickly turning the water off, he dried himself off and stared at his ribs for a few moments. There were red lines where his binder had rubbed on his skin and purple bruises beginning to form. 

It’s fine, he thought. It’s not that bad, right? Right. He was fine.

After taking one last breath, Ranboo pulled his clean black binder over his head and adjusted it until it sat as comfortably as it could. There was slight improvement in his ability to move after being free from the cage, even if it was minimal, it was improvement. He finished getting dressed, brushed his teeth and fixed his horrendous bed head before walking out to see Tubbo scrolling through his phone on the couch. 

“You nearly ready, big man?” A small rush of euphoria flew through Ranboo at the statement. 

“Yup, just need to put on shoes.” Tubbo nodded and Ranboo went digging through his suitcase for a pair of trainers. He soon found some converse and slipped them on before kicking Tubbo lightly on the shins to tell him he was ready. Tubbo glared up at him playfully before standing and grabbing his backpack, handing Ranboo his, which the latter thanked him for. Tubbo then called out to his mom, telling her they were leaving, and then the pair slipped out of the front door and down the street to the train station. Bognor Regis wasn’t a massive town so you could pretty much walk anywhere. It didn’t take long for them to arrive at the station and get their tickets checked. All they had to do now was wait for the train to arrive. Low and behold, in a few minutes, the train was pulling in and the two clambered on, taking their seats. They both took out their phones and began listening to music. Could you blame them? Two introverts were about to have to spend the day with seven other people, let them be. 

Ranboo was looking out of the window when he heard Tubbo snicker from opposite him. He turned his head and saw the other pointing his phone toward him. Ranboo huffed and rolled his eyes under his glasses. 

“You enjoying the view, Ranboo?” Tubbo asked, still filming him. 

“England.” 

“Well done, you know what country we’re in. Good to know the American school system didn’t fail you entirely.” Snorting, Ranboo flipped off Tubbo, making the other laugh and put away the camera after filming a shot of the English countryside. 

“Are you excited?” Ranboo paused for a second. 

“Yeah, kinda nervous though.”

“Why would you be nervous?”

“Dunno, just a lot of people all at once, so don’t be surprised if I’m pretty quiet.” Tubbo nodded. The rest of the train ride went by pretty smoothly but by the end of it Ranboo’s binder was beginning to feel uncomfortable. He needed to adjust it but couldn’t. They stopped at Brighton Station and got off the train. Ranboo checked his phone. 11:03. They were meeting the others at half past by the pier. They had time. 

“I’m just gonna go to the bathroom real quick, be back in a sec,” Ranboo told Tubbo. 

“I’ll come with you, I should not have drunk that entire bottle of water right before we left.” Ranboo laughed and the two walked over to the men’s bathroom. Once Ranboo was in the stall, he was able to properly adjust his binder. It was much more comfortable. He quickly peed and washed his hands before waiting outside for Tubbo, who came through the doors soon after. 

“You ready to head to the pier?” Tubbo asked him. Ranboo nodded enthusiastically and they set off. As they walked through the British city, Ranboo admired how different it was from America. The air was pretty warm but not unbearable. It took the two about 20 minutes to arrive at the pier. They still had a few minutes before the others would start arriving so they just stood around, talking, Tubbo telling Ranboo the history of the city. Ranboo loved being near the beach again, it reminded him of his Nan. 

“Tubbo! Ranboo! What’s up, boys?” Ranboo and Tubbo turned around at the familiar voice and saw Tommy striding toward them. Grins spread across all three of their faces. 

“Tommy!” Tubbo called. As Tommy came up to them he looked up at Ranboo in slight shock. 

“You’re really tall,” he laughed.

“Well it is kinda my brand,” Ranboo replied, looking down on the younger. From that point on, conversation flowed naturally as the rest of them arrived. Well all of them except Wilbur. But Wilbur was notoriously late to everything. 

At 11:49, Wilbur finally arrived to cheers from the rest of them. 

“Took you long enough, Jesus,” Tommy commented, he had been getting impatient. 

“Shut the fuck up, prick, I got held up. Anyway, hi, Ranboo. Great to meet you in person, man. How do you like the UK so far?” 

“Likewise,” Ranboo replied. “It’s pretty nice so far, just waiting for the rain.” The group then set off to a cafe somewhere in Brighton for lunch. Wilbur and Tommy were in the front, Jack and Niki behind them, then Scott, Tubbo and George and finally Ranboo and Phil bringing up the rear. Ranboo was talking to Phil about America and similarities and differences he had noticed already, Phil comparing to what Kristin had noticed. The conversation carried them all the way to the cafe where they were having lunch. Ranboo was glad when they arrived, his back was really starting to hurt, not to mention it was slowly becoming more and more painful to breathe. He had forgotten to take the pain meds before they left so the pain was in full swing. The nine of them crowded around two tables outside the front of the cafe and took their seats, Ranboo placing himself in an easy seat if he had to escape to the bathroom for a while to allow himself to breathe. Tubbo was sitting next to him so Ranboo nudged him slightly. 

“What’s up?”

“Do you have any pain meds?” Ranboo muttered, trying to have no one notice. Tubbo looked at him in slight confusion. 

“Yeah, I do? Why, what’s wrong?” 

“Headache,” Ranboo lied. Tubbo seemed to take his story and passed Ranboo two ibuprofen which the latter took gratefully. He knew it would be about 20 minutes until they kicked in but he could make it through the meal. Hopefully. 

The waitress took their orders and walked away to prepare their drinks and Niki began talking to Ranboo. 

“So how are you, Ranboo?”

“I’m pretty good, thank you. How’re you doing?”

“To be honest, I’m pretty tired. I stayed up way too late last night talking to my mom in Berlin, even though the time difference is only an hour.” Ranboo’s conversation continued with Niki and it was very pleasant, they ended up talking about editing techniques and old film and VHS taping. It didn’t take long for the food to arrive and they all dug in, Ranboo taking off his mask and glasses. Tommy pulled out his phone to record for his vlog so Ranboo scooted to the side as to not have extra work for his editors to blur out his face. Scott was talking to Tubbo and Ranboo listened in. 

“So, when did you arrive Ranboo?” Scott asked, directing his gaze toward the taller teen. 

“33 and a half hours ago,” Ranboo said immediately, not thinking about how weird that would sound. Tubbo stared at him in confusion, Ranboo also sensing Niki’s gaze on him. 

“You’ve been counting the hours?” Tubbo asked, laughing slightly. Ranboo forced himself to laugh along with him, hoping they didn’t notice how forced it sounded. Although his laughing caused more pain to shoot through his ribs. 

“You alright, mate?” Phil asked. Ranboo swallowed thickly and nodded. 

“Yeah…yeah I’m fine. I’m just gonna go to the bathroom, be right back.” He rose to his feet and hurried to the bathrooms, feeling someone’s eyes on him the whole way. Hurriedly locking the stall door with trembling hands, Ranboo collapsed. Who was he kidding? He couldn’t keep up this act if simply laughing caused him extreme pain. His eyes began to sting. 

Chapter Text

Ranboo felt pathetic. He was sitting in a dirty bathroom stall, crying, when all his friends were out in the cafe having fun. Probably having more fun than when he was there if he was being totally honest with himself.  It was all too much, the pain, being around so many people, being out in public, everything. He had to stop himself from sobbing because to hurt too much so he just let the tears trickle down his cheeks silently, numbly. He kept everything inside until it all bottled up and exploded randomly. After crying for a while, Ranboo wiped his eyes and cleared his throat before unlocking the door of the stall he was in. He stared it himself in the mirror, stared into his slightly red eyes. Quickly fixing his hair and wiping his eyes on last time, Ranboo opened the bathroom door and walked back to the table, plastering a smile onto his face. Ranboo didn’t eat anything else, he had been hungry before but now his stomach felt like it was filled with air, something his lungs lacked. 

The group finished their meal and payed for their food before heading to Wilbur’s studio for a music vibe session. It didn’t take them long to get there and soon Ranboo, Tubbo, Tommy and Phil were sitting on the floor, all jamming to the song Wilbur was singing and playing on his guitar. Jack, Scott, Niki and George had gone off to do their own thing for a while before they would all meet again at the beach later that day. When Wilbur finished the song, the rest of them applauded enthusiastically, Phil and Tommy whooping. 

“Will, can I play something?” Tommy asked, Wilbur looking at him in slight surprise. 

“You want to play something?” Tommy’s only response was eager nodding. Wilbur sighed and passed the younger the guitar. He then stepped out of the room to fill up wis water bottle from a drinking fountain lower down in the building. Tubbo, Phil and Ranboo stared at Tommy waiting for him to begin playing and Tommy’s gremlin fingers began their work. It pained Ranboo slightly as he twanged on the strings and tried to make chords. Somehow, within only a few minutes, Tommy had managed to put all of the strings out of tune. The sounds coming from the instrument pained the others’ ears. Eventually Ranboo had enough and spoke up. 

“Tommy, Tommy, hand the guitar here, man.” 

“But I’m making music!” Tommy whined. 

“Well, I hate to break it to you but it sounds a bit off, let me tune it before Will yells at you.” Tommy thought for a moment and eventually handed the guitar to Ranboo. Gladly, Ranboo began retuning the guitar and it didn’t take long for Wilbur to walk back in the door. 

“Ranboo you play?” he asked, causing the others to look around. Ranboo shrugged. 

“Meh, a bit, I guess?” 

“Oh shit, what songs do you know?” Wilbur asked as he took a seat on the floor between Tommy and Phil, completing the circle as Ranboo thought for a moment. 

“I don’t know actually, I know most of your songs and just a couple ones I thought sounded pretty.” 

“Wanna play something now?” Ranboo’s eyes flicked between the four people looking at him, some of his best friends, and thought fuck it. 

“Sure, why not?” Tubbo, Phil and Tommy smiled as Ranboo adjusted himself and thought of a song to play. “Do you know ‘It’s Not The Same Anymore’ by Rex Orange County?” 

“I am familiar.”

“Do you wanna do the singing? It doesn’t sound right without it.” 

“Why don’t you do it, man?” Ranboo bit the inside of his cheek nervously. He had always hated his singing voice, it was too high pitched, more high pitched than his regular talking voice and that was saying something. 

“I guess I could but could you do it too? I’m just not the strongest singer.”

“Yeah, for sure.” Ranboo smiled and strummed the first chord. 

I’ll keep the pictures saved in a safe place

    Wow, I look so weird here

        My face has changed now

His singing started off shaky, barely audible under Wilbur’s strong vocals, but as the song went on he became more and more comfortable. When they got to the chorus, Phil, Tommy and Tubbo all had their phones out, torches on, waving them along to to the rhythm. 

My life was simple before

    I should be happy, of course

Every once in a while Ranboo’s voice would go quiet when there was a chord progression he had always struggled with, even though he learnt how to play the song off by heart a few years back and practiced it regularly. 

It's only four o'clock and still, it's been a long day

    I just wanna hit the hay

For the first time since he had arrived, Ranboo completely forgot that he was hiding, completely forgot that he was scared of letting anything slip, he just felt free. 

I lost the joy in my face

    My life was simple before

Ranboo lost himself in the music, strumming mindlessly and letting himself sing. Letting himself be happy. 

It's not the same as before

    It's not the same anymore

The smile never left his face. Every so often he would look up at Wilbur who was still singing along with him and then over to Tommy, Tubbo and Phil who were just enjoying the boys singing. 

It's not the same anymore

    It's better

        It got better

Ranboo played the last chord and let out a breath of relief, ignoring the pain in his ribs as much as possible. 

“Holy shit, Ranboo, that was amazing!” Wilbur said, signing the sign for applause in ASL, the others soon joining in. (A/N i do not speak ASL, i've just seen online that it isn't clapping, please please correct me if i am wrong!)

“I- Well I don’t really think that..that it was that..um..good,” Ranboo stuttered, handing Wilbur back his guitar. 

“Are you kidding, mate?” Phil asked. 

“That was so cool! You should play guitar more often!” Tommy piped in. 

“Yeah, how come none of us knew you played?” Tubbo questioned. Ranboo just shrugged, twitching his eyes slightly at the pain. 

“It was just something I started for fun a few years ago and never really stopped doing.” The group stayed at Wilbur’s studio for about another half hour, playing around with different instruments and singing different songs before Scott texted Wilbur. 

“Scott says they’re heading toward the beach and to we want to meet somewhere in the middle? Sound good?” The rest of the agreed and began putting things away. It didn’t take long for them to get ready and they were soon walking down the street in the direction of the others. They reunited and began heading to the beach. But before they arrived at the beach they stopped at a corner store and got drinks, Ranboo choosing a Mango Loco Monster. Ranboo found himself falling into step next to Niki, a comfortable silence between the two as they followed the rest of the group. Although after a few minutes, Niki took Ranboo’s wrist and indicated for him to stay back from the rest. 

“What is it?” Ranboo asked, looking down at Niki, who seemed to be waiting for the others to get out of earshot. When she was satisfied, she turned to the taller. 

“How long?” Ranboo stiffened. She couldn’t be asking what he thought she was, could she? He was getting massive deja vu from when Rin had asked him the same question. 

“What?”

“How long have you had it on?” Fuck. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He cracked his knuckles nervously. 

“Come on, Ranboo. How long have you been binding?” Ranboo clenched his jaw nervously and broke eye contact with Niki. 

“Like I said, I don’t know what you’re talking about.” And with that Ranboo walked away from her, attempting to catch up with the group without running, although it wasn’t difficult because of his long legs. Luckily it seemed no one had noticed they were gone. 

Chapter Text

Ranboo lowered himself onto the cold rocks of Brighton Beach, wincing slightly at pain yet again jabbed at his ribs. Thankfully, no one noticed and he was left to sip his monster and watch Tommy and Tubbo run down to the water, throwing rocks at each other. During a brief pause in their rock war, Tubbo walked over to Ranboo and handed him an interesting coloured rock. 

“You said you like collecting rocks at the beach so I thought I’d start off your ones form England.” Tubbo had a massive smile on his face. Ranboo felt touched that Tubbo had actually remembered this piece of information about him.

“Thank you, Tubbo.” The shorted flashed him a final grin before running back to fight with Tommy. Ranboo looked down at the rock, eyes glassed over slightly. It was a grey rock with veins of amber coloured stone through it. It was very pretty so, after admiring it for a while, placed it in his backpack for safe keeping. He missed his Nan, a lot. It didn’t take long for Tubbo and Tommy to get bored of throwing rocks at each other before they began advancing. One of the rocks landed on Ranboo’s lap and he took that as a declaration of war. He sprang to his feet, picking rocks up from the group and throwing them at the shorter pair, taking care to avoid their heads. The trio ran around the beach, Tommy screaming, throwing rocks at each other. When Ranboo finally sat down, he immediately regretted running. His chest felt tight, his ribs felt as if they were going to crack at any minute, every breath felt like it was burning his lungs. He only noticed he was shaking when he tried to take a sip of his monster, which he immediately put down. 

“I’ll be right back,” he told the group as he clambered to his feet and walked as fast as he could to the nearest public bathrooms. Locking the door with shaking hands, he pulled out his phone and dialled the first number he thought of through teary eyes. Pressing the phone to his ear, he listened to the rings pleading that she would pick up. At this point he was gasping for air, ribs on fire. Finally, she picked up. 

“Ranboo?” 

“Rin, thank gods.” Immediately Rin could tell something was off with her brother. 

“Is everything okay? What’s wrong?” Choked sobs escaped from Ranboo’s throat, only causing him more pain as he began to curl in on himself. “Hey, hey. Shhhh, calm down. It’s okay, can you tell me what’s wrong?” 

“It hurts. It hurts so bad. It won’t stop. It just hurts.” At this point Ranboo was full on crying into the phone, rattling breaths escaping his lips. “I don’t know what to do, Rin, please make it stop. It hurts too bad. I can’t do it. Just make it stop.” Hot tears spilled out of his red eyes and plopped onto his hoodie. 

“It’s okay, Ranboo, just breathe, can you breathe for me?” Ranboo clutched his ribs and squeezed his eyes. 

“I can’t, hurts too bad,” he muttered, whimpering in pain at each breath. 

“Ranboo, you need to take your binder off, you could’ve broken a rib or something.” Rin’s tone was serious but gentle in a way only Rin could manage. 

“But they don’t know, I can’t take it off.” 

“You have to, Boo. It could seriously injure you if it hasn’t already.” Rin’s tone was firm and Ranboo knew she was right but he couldn’t do what she asked. Sobs still racking his body, Ranboo thought. 

“Thanks for the advice, but I really need to go.”

“Alright, take your binder off, please. You can’t have it on much longer.” Ranboo just said his goodbyes and hung up the phone. He wouldn’t be taking his binder off, maybe ever. He’d just have to suffer to keep up the impression that he was a cis guy. Pushing himself up, he grunted in pain. He wiped the remaining tears from his face, some still clinging to his eyelashes, and stared at his reflection in the mirror. His eyes were slightly pink and glazed over, it was obvious he had been crying. Luckily, he had his mask and glasses in his pocket. He took them out and pushed them onto his face. After adjusting his hair for the last time, Ranboo unlocked the door and began heading back to where his friends were sitting on the stones. 

“Ranboo! What took you so long, man?” Tubbo called, shielding his eyes from the glaring sun. Ranboo just smiled back, unable to raise his voice, but then realised Tubbo couldn't see him. When he arrived, he sat himself between Tubbo and Wilbur. 

“So, what took you so long?” Tubbo asked again. 

“Oh there was just a line, it’s nothing.” Tubbo seemed to take it but Ranboo could feel Wilbur’s eyes glancing back at him every once in a while. Their conversations continued normally until the stone slipped, the one stone keeping the boulder in place, causing the boulder to come crashing down the hill. Ranboo had taken off his glasses, feeling as if his eyes had become less red and puffy, but kept his mask on. The entire group began laughing, including Ranboo, until something happened. Ranboo was just laughing with the others when he felt a crunch and then immense pain in the right side of his ribcage. He gasped and a whimper escaped his lips. Everyone immediately looked at him, all traces of mirth on their faces replaced with worry. Ranboo balled his hands into fists and scrunched his eyes shut in pain, leaning forward to rest his spinning head onto his knees. He could hear voices asking him questions but he couldn’t make out what on earth they were trying to say, all he could focus on was the pain flooding through him. He tried to take a breath, only to have the pain completely overwhelm him. He tried to open his eyes and focus on the rocks below him. Slowly he was able to understand what people were saying to him and looked up to make eye contact with Phil who was sitting across from him. 

“Are you okay, Ranboo?” the blond asked. Ranboo couldn’t bring himself to answer so just shook his head, not having the brain capacity to lie in that moment. Tommy seemed to notice how ragged his breathing was and spoke up. 

“Take off your mask, it’ll make breathing easier.” Ranboo obliged, pulling the piece of fabric from his face. It allowed fresh air to flow into his lungs but it didn’t help the pain one bit. 

“What happened, Ranboo?” Phil asked. Ranboo raised his head again to look into Phil’s blue eyes tainted with worry. 

“I think it broke,” was all he was able to get out through the pain. 

“What broke? Can you tell us?” It was Tubbo who spoke this time. Ranboo diverted his gaze to his right and looked at his friend. 

“Rib,” Ranboo muttered, glancing at Niki who had a knowing look on her face. He gritted his teeth as he tried to take another breath, get at least some air into his lungs but it resulted in another stab of pain, not to mention his binder still restricting his lung capacity. The previous pain all around his ribs felt like nothing compared to this, how could he have thought it was bad? His binder was making the pain so much worse, applying constant pressure to the broken rib. He had to take it off, now.

But what would they think of you? He thought to himself. They don’t know, remember?

There were so many thoughts running through Ranboo’s mind he couldn’t concentrate on what people were saying. 

Next thing he know, George, Scott and Jack decided it would be best if they left to give Ranboo a bit more space. Ranboo tried to say goodbye but grimaced in pain. Then Ranboo thought, he blocked out what the others were saying the pulled out his phone, opening his messages with his sister. 

Boo

ok i may have fucked up a tiny bit

Rinny

what haoeoend

waht diyuoy do

are y ouweoko’

ranboo what hwapepjdn

dude answer me tight now

righ

i hate english

answer me

rnaboo reply

plea

are you okay

are you in hospital

are you dying

what happed

tlel m

Boo

chill out

just think I broke a rib

Rinny

ARE YOU IN THE HOSPITAL OR HEADING THERE ?????????

Boo

no?

Rinny

go to the hospital

Boo

why

Rinny

BECAUSE YOU BROKE A FUCKING RIB???????

Boo

is that bad enough to go to the hospital?

Rinny

are you still wearing your binder

Boo

yeah

why wouldn’t i be?

Rinny

go take it off then go to the hospital

Boo

yeah alright

i'll talk to the people i'm with

Rinny

message me when you get to the hospital

Ranboo looked up, closing his phone and placing it back into his pocket. He took in another, attempted, deep breath and scrunched his eyes up in pain, suddenly feeling very dizzy. It was all too much, the pain seemed to have quadrupled with that breath.

Next thing he knew, everything went black. 

Chapter Text

Ranboo opened his eyes sluggishly and found he was staring at a white ceiling, bright lights hurting his eyes. He could hear murmured voices and recognised them to belong to Tubbo and Niki. There was something missing, something that he couldn’t place his finger on. 

His binder.  

He suddenly realised the pressure that had been on his ribs for almost two full days, was gone. That could only mean one thing. Panic flooded into his brain and he attempted to push himself up but was stopped by extreme pain jolting though the right hand side of his ribcage. The others stopped their muttered conversation to look at him. Ranboo, however, avoided all eye contact, attempting to pull up the crunchy hospital sheets to cover his disgusting chest. Tubbo began to speak but was cut off by a doctor pulling open the curtains around his bed to see him better. They were tall, slim, and had their box-braided hair pulled into a bun at the nape of their neck. They were really rather stunning. However the words that came out of their mouth, Ranboo hated. 

“Vanessa, is it?” Ranboo’s eyes flickered. He wanted to throw up at hearing his dead name. Worst of all, the others had to hear it too, they knew his real name, they knew how disgusting he was. 

“His name is Ranboo,” Niki corrected. The doctor nodded and continued speaking. 

“Well, Ranboo. You have broken your seventh rib on your right side, it did cause some minor pneumothorax and splinting to the right lung but it isn’t serious and should fix itself within time. There isn’t anything we can do to treat the break, just rest it for around six weeks, keep icing it, take ibuprofen to make the pain more manageable and stay away from sport or physical activity. And you cannot wear your binder while it is healing.” Ranboo just nodded wordlessly and the doctor told him that he could go home. They left the group of them, closing the curtain to give them some privacy before they left. Ranboo painfully pushed himself into a sitting position and stared at the floor, not wanting to look at any of his friends. 

“You could’ve told us, you know? Nothing would’ve been different,” Tubbo said softly. Ranboo just stared down at his fingers that he was fiddling with, trying his hardest to swallow the lump in his throat. 

“It doesn’t matter to us. You’re still the same Ranboo. You’re still just as much of a man.” Tears filled Ranboo’s eyes and dropped down his cheeks silently. Niki walked around the bed and crouched down in front of Ranboo, taking his hands in hers. *A/N: don't ship.*

“I know how it feels, to be outed, and I know it’s hard but know that none of us would ever think any differently of you just because you were born in the wrong body. You could have told us before, now or in 10 years and nothing would be different. I understand you wanted to keep it to yourself but you need to take care of your body, listen to it when it is screaming at you.” The tears were coming thick and fast down Ranboo’s cheeks and Tubbo had his hand on his shoulder. Ranboo brought his hoodie sleeve up and wiped his eyes, still not making eye contact with either of his friends. 

“Ranboo, none of us care. Tommy, Phil and Wilbur are waiting at Wilbur’s flat for when you are discharged, we’ve arranged with Tubbo’s parents to let you and Tubbo stay at Wil’s tonight and then Phil will drive you two home tomorrow when you’re feeling okay enough.” Once the tears stopped, Ranboo had no physical reaction, he just continued to stare at the floor. He wasn’t angry, the truth would have to come out eventually, he just didn’t want it to be like this. He wanted to be the one to tell them, but that just didn’t happen. It was some freaking doctor who he would never see again was the one to tell all of his friends his biggest secret. He didn’t hear the rest of what Tubbo and Niki were saying, he just sat there, exhausted. He looked around for his phone to see what time it was and Tubbo passed it to him. He ignored the million messages from Rin and just read the time. 4:23. It was only four o’clock yet it had been such a long day. All he wanted to do was sleep, sleep for the rest of his life. A light hand on his shoulder brought him slowly back to reality. 

“Are you ready to head off? They said you’re allowed to take the ice pack home.” Ranboo looked up at Tubbo and swung his legs over the side of the bed and pushed himself up, towering over the two 5’5” people next to him. Immediately Ranboo could see his chest making the fabric of his hoodie stick out. He shrugged his shoulders and began to pluck at his hoodie, trying to make the fabric sit somewhat flatly. The sudden movement in his arms caused his rib to shoot with pain but he tried to ignore it. He followed Niki and Tubbo out of A&E and onto the rain washed street. The rain was coming thick and fast but it was a comfort to Ranboo. The rain was nice. A small smile tugged at the corners of his mouth as the water began to soak his hair, plastering it to the top of his head. Niki was a few feet away, presumably on the phone to Wilbur or Phil, telling them where to pick them up. 

“I’m sorry we had to find out like this, man. It must suck.” Ranboo turned to look at Tubbo and offered him a small smile of gratitude. 

Phil’s car pulled up a few minutes later and the three clambered in, Ranboo in the passenger’s seat and Tubbo and Niki in the back. 

“Y’alright, mate?” Phil asked Ranboo as he began driving back to Wilbur’s flat. Ranboo just shrugged, shrinking in on himself slightly to hide his chest and keeping the ice pack held to his rib. The bumpiness of the car ride was painful but Ranboo just had to grit his teeth and get through it. Luckily, Wilbur’s flat wasn’t too far from the hospital and they had arrived within a few minutes. Before they could get out of the car, Ranboo spoke. 

“I’m sorry,” he croaked. 

“What the fuck are you sorry for?” Tubbo asked as the other two stared at him confusedly.

“Putting you through all of this trouble.” 

“Ranboo, you haven’t put us through any trouble, we care about you and wouldn’t care if we had to wait days in that hospital with you as long as it meant you were going to be okay. Tommy has been constantly messaging us to see if you were ok, not to mention your sister has been blowing up your phone. You should probably message her to tell her you’re okay once we get inside and settled down so she stops worrying.” Ranboo smiled weakly at Tubbo’s words and the four of them climbed out of the car. Ranboo felt a fresh wave of nerves flow over him. What were they going to say? How were they going to react? What would they think of him? What would they say about him when they thought he couldn’t hear? What-

Phil knocking on Wilbur’s front door made Ranboo realise he should probably focus on the task at hand. The door swung open almost immediately and revealed Tommy and a pale Wilbur. They both set out a breath of relief at the sight of Ranboo, Tommy walking forward and wrapping his arms gently around the taller’s neck. *A/N: don't ship.* This was very out of character for him but Ranboo went with it, trying his best to hug Tommy back without hurting his rib too badly. Tommy eventually let him go and lead them all inside, letting Ranboo take the armchair. As soon as Ranboo sat down a new wave of tiredness washed over him. 

“How are you, dude?” Wilbur asked. Ranboo thought for a second. 

“I’m okay, really tired though.” The other gave him a sympathetic look. “I should probably message my sister.” The rest of them nodded and broke off into their own conversations as Ranboo opened messages. 

Boo

i'm out of hospital

Rinny

DUDE

ARE YOU OKAY

WHAT HAPPEND

AR EYO UOAKTY

Boo

i’m fine

just really fcukign tired

Rinny

thank balls

get some rest

love you dude

glad you’re okay <3

benji sends you hugs

Boo

love you too <3

tell him i send them back

Rinny

will do

now get some sleep

Ranboo turned off his phone and looked at his friends, letting the drowsiness take over his brain. It wasn’t the same anymore, no. It was better. It got better. He didn’t have to be ashamed of how he was born, have to hide who he was. He could just be…Ranboo. Yeah…yeah. It’s better. It got better. 

Chapter Text

Hi all!

this is just a chapter to tell all of your that my next one shot has officially been posted! It's called Jubilee Line and is Tommy-centric SBI angst :]

please take care when reading it and if you're not comfortable reading that type of work, don't feel pressured!

i wanted to thank you all so freaking much one last time for all the support on this book, it's actually insane and i love you all so much. /gen

remember to drink water, have some food (even if it's just something small) and bind safely if you bind!

take care of yourselves!
 - raven xx (bee/di/he)