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“These hands had to let it go free, and
This love came back to me.”
- t.s.
He never should have let her leave.
The idea was laughable. Nobody let Annette do anything. She was fierce and determined and radiated an unparalleled resolve when she set her mind to something. What he wanted didn’t matter. She would have gone back to Dominic territory whether he liked it or not. The threat of war didn’t change that.
But still.
Felix spent five years in hopeless guilt that he should have been selfish. Even if she had protested and called him a villain and hated him forever - he should have just taken her with him. She would have been safe in Fraldarius. He would have figured out a way to reunite her with her mother in the safety of his territory. Anything would have been better than watching her leave; knowing full well that he would likely never see her again. Knowing full well that either of them could die.
Their last moment replayed in his mind like a bad dream: standing there in the stables as Garreg Mach burned around them. He had found her there, alone, and demanded to know what she thought she was doing.
I’m going home , she had told him. I need to make sure my mother is safe.
She had stood on her tiptoes, balancing her hands against his arms for support and pressing her lips against his cheeks - the smallest of gestures sending sparks through his veins. Every nerve ending flared as she pulled away. He knew then, of course, as he clenched his fists by his side and regained his focus, that he was in love with Annette Dominic. It didn’t take a genius to figure that out. Felix might not have been the most sentimental guy, but he knew why his thoughts had been consumed by her since their academy days.
Your home is with me , he wanted to tell her as she mounted her horse and gave him one last, saddened look.
But that was selfish.
He should have been selfish.
The five years that passed were agonizing. He fought armies and planned campaigns and thought about what he would say to her if he ever saw her again. Unspoken words were splinters in his blade, threatening to shatter him with every blow. It’s what made the distance that much worse. War didn’t discriminate against the heroes and the villains; it took anybody it pleased. It could have taken him. It could have taken her. And he had never so much as hinted to her how he felt.
When he saw her just outside of Garreg Mach, hair loose and blowing in the wind that burst from her fingertips, his heart ached to reach out for her. He had thieves to fight, and each blow he landed was filled with the kind of abandon of a cornered animal. If he could just take out one more bandit, if he could just end this fighting, he could see her again. He could tell her.
It was the unyielding approach that had put him in the infirmary.
Scattered thoughts got the better of him, giving a brigand plenty of time to land a near-fatal blow in his side. He had crumpled to the ground, ignoring Ingrid and Sylvain calling out to him, and thought that the Goddess was cruel indeed to take him at a time like this.
She’s right there , he thought, looking out over the rubble to the familiar, static glow of her magic.
The world started to fade around him.
She had been right there .
Felix awoke to the humming of a too-full, understaffed infirmary. His eyes fluttered open, and in the blur of near-sleep he could just make out Mercedes and Manuela bustling around to different beds. Even without fully seeing their faces he could tell they were tired. The last thing they wanted was a scene.
But he couldn’t help himself.
When he pushed himself out of bed, and out of the harrying grip of Mercedes, Felix felt the anxious pressure of time. As if spending one more second without Annette knowing his truth would be the very thing that finally took him from the world. As if the Goddess was lying in wait, ready to steal his last breath. And if she should, he would use that last breath to tell Annette that he loved her.
Felix found her on the lawn outside of the dorms. She wasn’t doing anything particular, just looking up at the yellowing sky as a breeze billowed through her cloak. She was stunning: the kind of beauty that you read about in those stupid knights tales. The kind that Felix never thought truly existed. She was an unfathomable thing. She was perfect.
Carefully, he slumped down the staircase, grunting at the effort it took to make it down a few steps. The cold, winter air, while warmer there than in Faerghus, cut through his exposed skin. He probably should have fastened his jacket.
“Felix?” When Annette noticed him, she frowned. Her voice sounded angry and scolding, but her eyes were large with worry when they landed on his heavily bandaged side. “What are you doing? There’s no way Mercie cleared you yet you’re-”
The rest of her words were swallowed by his kiss. One hand still gripped the bandages, helping keep pressure on his wounds. His other hand reached too-quickly for her cheek. He kissed her hard, hungrily, like the action itself would turn back time and change the distance of the last five years. In all the times he had imagined this moment, never did it come close to comparing to the real thing.
She had come back to him. Against all odds: against war and death and famine she came back to him.
Felix was the one to pull away. “I never should have let you go.” His words ran across her lips in a whisper. He leaned his forehead against hers.
“Felix…” she whispered.
“I...I love you, Annette. I should have told you before you left. I should have gone with you. Anything would have been better than just...watching you go.”
Annette threw her arms around his neck, pulling him back against her lips. His breath hitched, and despite the aching in his side he wrapped both arms tightly around her waist and lifted her up to meet him. She fit so perfectly in his arms, the outline of her body curving into him and warming the places where the elements chilled him.
“I love you,” he said again. “I love you, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I’m sorry I let you walk away.” His voice cracked under the weight of his words.
Annette fixed him with a skeptical look, but it grew softer as she spoke. “You didn’t let me do anything, Felix Fraldarius.” Her grin made even his lips curl into a smile, and the sight of it made her drop her forehead to his. “And I love you too.”
A second chance. Felix breathed in her words and relished in the squeaking giggle that escaped her when he kissed her again.