Work Text:
Jack walked away from Gibbs without looking back. He didn’t even look up as the elevator door slid closed. When the elevator started moving Gibbs pushed himself away from where he’d been leaning against the front of his desk, fighting the urge to pick up the nearest object and hurl it across the room. He dropped into his chair with a sigh. His urge to lash out won and he swept his hand across the desk, sending the file Jack had brought and an empty coffee cup flying across the room. He didn’t see Tim standing by the stairs, he thought the whole team had gone home an hour earlier.
“Boss?” Tim said quietly. Gibbs just groaned, not happy that he had a witness to his loss of control. “You okay?” Tim asked as he walked to his own desk, leaning against the front of it. He cringed at his question, it was obviously something was wrong. But he’d learned long ago the quickest way to get Gibbs to shut down was to push him to talk. So, Tim just stood and waited quietly as his boss leaned over to picked up the items scattered on the floor.
“Do I look okay?” Gibbs asked quietly as he leaned back in his chair, pressing the heels of his hands against his eyes. Less than a year ago his quiet and almost defeated tone would have taken Tim completely by surprise. But ever since their conversation the day Gibbs left for Hawaii, the two men had this unspoken agreement between them, to be more open and honest with each other. As a result, Gibbs no longer felt the need to automatically push back his emotions in front of Tim.
“Not even close. Anything I can do?” McGee asked as he moved to stand in front of Torres’ desk, a bit closer to Gibbs but still a respectable distance away, with a desk between them.
“Swear to God Tim, I have no idea,” Gibbs sighed as he opened the top drawer, looking for the chocolate he knew he had in there. He tossed a piece to McGee who caught it with ease.
“Okay. How about you give me a little clue what’s going on,” McGee said, pressing just a little. He was relatively sure whatever was wrong had nothing to do with work and that didn’t leave many other options. Gibbs just looked at his senior agent, mouthing one single word---Jack.
Tim just nodded as Gibbs’ answer wasn’t a surprise. “Is she okay?” McGee asked, figuring there probably wasn’t anything seriously wrong their friend.
“Yeah, she’s not hurt or anything,” Gibbs clarified. Tim relaxed just a little. Gibbs pushed himself out of the chair with a sigh. He crossed the room to look out the window at the night sky. “She’s thinking of leaving NCIS,” Gibbs said quietly, almost too low for McGee to hear.
“Well, that’s surprising. She get another job offer in town?” Tim asked as he took a few steps closer to Gibbs, ending up back in front of his own desk.
“Nope,” Gibbs replied as he turned around and sat on the windowsill. He leaned over, elbows on his knees, head hanging. Gibbs offered no other information. Tim just watched him for a minute, a variety of scenarios rolling around in his head. When no other words came from his clearly exhausted and miserable boss, Tim took a chance and sat down next to him, long legs stretched out in front of him.
“She’s not just leaving NCIS is she?” Tim finally asked.
“No. But I don’t have any more details. I don’t think there are any details. Said something about wanting to slow down her life, whatever the hell that means,” Gibbs muttered as he sat up, the back of his head gently bouncing against the window.
“Boss, you want to get out of here?” Tim offered. “We could get a drink, or some food. I don’t think either of us had dinner.”
Gibbs did actually think about the offer for a minute. “Nah, you should head home to your family,” he eventually said as he pushed himself to his feet.
“You sure?” Tim asked as he walked around his desk to grab his backpack. He set it on the top of his desk to remove a few things and add a few others.
“Yeah, I’m sure. I’m gonna head home too,” Gibbs answered as he sat down at his desk.
“Boss, kinda hard to head home if you’re sitting at your desk,” Tim pointed out as zipped up his backpack and slung it over one shoulder.
“Probably right,” Gibbs said with a sigh as he stood back up. He knew Tim was likely to just stand there waiting to make sure he was really leaving. He quickly packed his own backpack, shoving the file Jack had dropped off. He didn’t see himself getting much sleep that night, he might as well take home something to work on.
Tim stepped into the elevator first, moving to the corner furthest from the control panel as he was relatively sure the car would be stopped at some point by Gibbs hitting the emergency button. McGee braced himself as he saw Gibbs’ reach out an arm towards the panel. The car came to a halt with the familiar jolt.
“Boss?” McGee said when Gibbs didn’t immediately start talking. Tim watched as Gibbs clearly tried to get his thoughts in order.
“Can we just keep this between the two of us,” Gibbs muttered as he waved his hand between the two of them while looking down at his boots.
“Sure, boss. Not a problem. It’s not like there’s really anything to share, no details, right?” Tim said with a small smile. Gibbs just nodded. “Did she head home?”
“Yeah and before you ask, she wants to be alone. Made that very clear.”
“Okay,” Tim said quietly as the door to the elevator slid open and they stepped off.
“McGee, you don’t have to follow me out to the parking lot,” Gibbs snorted as they exited the building together.
“Uh, I’m parked next to your truck,” McGee chuckled as he pointed across the lot at their vehicles.
“Of course, you are,” Gibbs muttered. He trudged the last 10 yards to his truck, opening the door and sliding his backpack across the bench seat.
“Boss, call if you need anything,” Tim called, cringing at the sound of his own voice. To his surprise, Gibbs didn’t give him a hard time about the offer.
“Thanks Tim,” Gibbs said sincerely as he slid into the truck.
Tim watched from his car, waiting for the truck to move. Once he saw it pull through the main gate, he put his own car in gear and backed out of the space.
*************
Gibbs thought about stopping at the nearest bar, but he headed for home, knowing he had an unopened bottle of bourbon waiting for him there. It was almost 8:30 by the time he pulled the truck into the driveway, parking in the spot Jack usually used for her car. He headed for the front porch, sitting for a minute on the top step, taking a few deep breaths. As usual the street was quiet. Glancing over to the house Phineas had lived in with his mother, Gibbs remembered there was an email from Finn sitting in his inbox. Nothing important, just the ramblings of an energetic, talkative 11 year old, one who expected an email in return. There was no one more excited at Gibbs’ new-found acceptance of technology than Finn. Gibbs pushed himself to his feet with a groan, grabbing his backpack.
Once inside, his boots got kicked off in the foyer and he dropped his backpack on the couch before heading for the kitchen. To his credit he did start with a bottle of water as he reheated some leftover meatloaf and mashed potatoes Jack had made the night before. He wasn’t all that hungry but knew he should eat something before he started to drink.
Gibbs went into the living room and sat on the couch. The television got turned on, landing on ESPN out of sheet habit. He ate with one hand and tapped his laptop awake with the other. Email got scanned, a task which took about 3 seconds. There was the email from Finn from the night before and something from Tony.
The email from Tony turned out to be a short video from Tali. She sent him videos a few times a month, to Gibbs’ delight. Tali had been working on her sign language skills ever since she’d returned home to Paris after visiting DC the previous summer. Gibbs watched with pride as she told him a little bit about their recent trip to the zoo. She knew the signs for a handful of animals and could finger spell some others. She always ended her little videos with the sign for “uncle”, the finger spelling of GIBBS and the ASL sign for “I love you”. Gibbs watched the video twice with a smile on his face. He’d answer her later by making a video of his own on the phone, a skill Jack had helped him figure out how to do.
With the email read and his dinner gone, Gibbs shuffled into the kitchen. He quickly washed the dish and fork before making some coffee. Caffeine at nearly 9:00 wasn’t the best option but he had a feeling sleep would be very hard to come by that night.
He found his reading glasses and settled back down on the couch with the file he’d brought home. Some notes got made and twice he picked up his phone to call Jack for some clarification on a few things. Finally he took the phone to the kitchen and plugged it into the charger, out of sight and out of mind. He poured another cup of coffee and wandered out on the deck. He quickly came back in as it was chilly and windy out.
A few mundane chores got taken care of, the trash got taken out and the recycling can got put out to the curb. He flipped through the mail which had been piling up for a few days, paid a few bills and tossed out the junk mail.
By 10:00 Gibbs was bored, wide awake and starting to feel a headache behind his eyes. He took some Advil and hauled himself upstairs, figuring maybe a shower would help settle him a little. He didn’t hold out any great hope that would work but at least it would kill half an hour or so. He figured he needed to wait until about 1:00 before he could call Tony as that would be 7:00 in Paris.
After the shower, Gibbs padded across the hall with the towel wrapped around his waist. He stood in front of the dresser and reached in the drawer for a pair of boxers. As he dropped the towel he was hit with a memory from the day he returned from Hawaii after taking Joe’s ashes to be interred on The Arizona. He’d been standing in the that very spot, doing exactly the same thing, only Jack was asleep in the rocker behind him, or so he thought. The second the towel dropped he’d heard her give a little sound somewhere between a squeal and a sigh. As much as he would have liked to laugh at the memory he just sighed, brushed it aside and pulled on a pair of striped boxers.
He went to hang the towel on the back of the door, finding Jack’s robe hanging there. He grabbed it for a second, holding the fuzzy blue material to his nose, inhaling the scent of vanilla and some flower he couldn’t identify in a million years. The scent was comforting for about a second and then he let the robe go and hung up the towel.
In the same way Jack had glanced around her own room the previous night, Jethro saw reminders of her everywhere. A pair of reading glasses and her book on the nightstand on “her” side of the bed. Their clothes mingled together in the hamper, a tube of hand cream on the dresser. Like Jack, he let out a sigh and left the room, heading downstairs.
Gibbs pulled the bottle of bourbon off the top of the fridge, pouring himself a generous amount in a juice glass, a step up from the dusty mason jar he usually used. He considered going down to work on the boat, but he knew his current lack of concentration and the drink he’d just poured did not pair well with measuring precisely and using tools.
He opened the cabinet for some Oreos and came face to face with more evidence of Jack’s presence in his life. A bag of quinoa and some granola, which to Gibbs looked more like potpourri. And the only reason he knew what potpourri looked like was because there was a bowl of it in the downstairs bathroom.
After pacing the downstairs for a few minutes, he was able to settle down and answer Finn’s email as ESPN droned on in the background. He thought about making a little sign language video for Tali, but the topic of his little videos was usually something he and Jack had done recently. And the last conversation he’d had with Jack was most definitely not something he needed to recap for a 7 year old who adored both of them.
It was getting a bit chilly, so he started a fire both for warmth and to give him something to do. He poured some more Bourbon before putting the cap back on the bottle and putting it back on the fridge, a little more out of sight. He grabbed his phone, finding a text from Tim, just wanting to make sure he’d made it home okay. Gibbs took a quick picture of the now roaring fire as proof he was indeed home and not drowning his sorrows at the bar. Tim quickly sent a “thumbs up” and another offer to talk if Gibbs changed his mind.
Gibbs realized he hadn’t gotten a text from Finn in a few days. When the boy had first gone to live with his Aunt and Uncle he would text Jack every night from under the covers. Once Gibbs had come into the 21st century and gotten a smart phone they have a little group text going with the three of them. But as time went by, Finn had settled into his new life and the texts weren’t as regular. They hadn’t seen him in about 3 months and Gibbs knew he needed to make an effort to see the boy soon. He missed the kid, more than he ever thought possible.
At 11:30, Gibbs hauled himself off the couch. An hour and a half to go, he thought as he padded into the kitchen. He washed his glass and set it in the dish drainer, making it a little less likely he’d have more to drink. There was a basket of clean, unfolded laundry sitting on the dryer waiting to be folded. He glanced at it and left it where it was, heading back to the living room
Gibbs found his reading glasses on the coffee table before moving to the bookshelf and pulling down the little wooden box. He sat down on the stool in front of the fire and opened the box, flipping through THE RULES. As he pulled out #12, he thought back to the night he’d burned #10. He’d been thinking about burning #10 for a while before he actually tossed the slip of paper into the flames, watching as it was instantly consumed and rendered into ash. Gibbs held Rule #12 between his thumb and forefinger, mere inches from the flames. As hard as he tried, he couldn’t let go and let it fall into the flames.
The situation he and Jack were currently in was the main reason for Rule #12 in the first place. The rule helped keep things from getting complicated and messy. Gibbs had spent years working to keep his personal life from being complicated and messy, but the last few hours had blown that plan to hell.
He thought long and hard about how he and Jack had managed to skirt the rule for months, telling themselves they were just friends. But friendship grew into more and suddenly they were in what they had both called “more than friends, less than together” zone. It was a place they happily occupied for a long time, until their trip to Ocean City. And for 6 months things were great, or so he thought. They were slowly building a life together. And before he saw the brochures on Jack’s desk, Gibbs had no idea there was anything wrong. Sure, things had been hectic with difficult cases and Breena’s death but they, along with the rest of the team, were powering through everything, like they always did. He wondered if he’s simply been blind to the fact that Jack had been unhappy lately.
Putting the slip of paper back in the box, Gibbs returned it to the shelf. He heard his text alert chime and he picked up his phone. It was a short text from Tony----
I’m awake
Gibbs took a deep breath and got himself a bottle of Gatorade before grabbing his laptop off the kitchen table. He knew if Tony sent that text, then he had heard from Jack. Gibbs ran a hand through his hair and connected the call to Tony.
“Hey Boss,” Tony said with a sad smile as Gibbs’ image came into view.
“Hey,” Gibbs said quietly, not bothering to correct Tony’s use of “boss” as he usually did. Something which did not escape unnoticed by his former SFA. “I assume you heard from Jack.”
Tony just nodded. “She tell you to check on me?” Gibbs asked with no sarcasm in his voice.
Tony decided to just go for honesty. He shook his head vigorously for a few seconds. Although he was awake, it was still very early in Paris. “I woke up to a short text from her,” he answered as he picked up his phone and walked to the counter where the coffee maker had just beeped. “It just said---I talked to him and it didn’t go well.”
“Well, then I assume you’ve talked to her recently,” Gibbs said as reached over his shoulder and pulled the throw off the back of the couch.
“We talked a few days ago. I don’t have any details and even if I did, it’s not my place to tell them to you. But I encouraged her to talk to you. Which I assume she did,” Tony explained as he set the phone down to grab the milk out of the fridge.
“I don’t think she talked to me because she was ready to. Was in her office and she had some brochures on her desk which I saw,” Gibbs said as he shrugged his shoulders. “Asked her if she was planning on taking a trip. Said she was thinking about leaving NCIS and DC. Something about needing to slow down her life. Did I miss something, Tony?” Gibbs asked quietly.
“I don’t think you missed any big signs or anything. You’ve all been busy and stressed out. Jack hides things well and let’s be honest you don’t always pick up on the little things. Although you’ve come a long way since Jack came into your life,” Tony added with a grin. Gibbs gave a little snort in agreement. “Jack didn’t say anything other than what I told you. What happened after you saw the brochures?”
“She said she’d been thinking lately about what’s important. That she thought she needed to slow her life down. Whatever the hell that means. Said she was thinking about going to Costa Rica, maybe opening a bar. What is it with my friends and wanting to open a bar?” Gibbs laughed bitterly.
“What did you say?” Tony asked, pretty sure he knew the answer to his question.
“Not much. Kinda blindsided me with the whole thing. I asked her what was important, thinking she would answer that we were important, that I was important. Honestly, I was trying not to burst into tears,” Gibbs admitted with a sigh as he swiped at his eyes, trying desperately to keep it together.
“And that was the last you talked to her?” Tony asked as he looked up to see Tali padding towards him, her stuffed dog in her hand, wiping the sleep from her eyes. “Hey sweetie, what are you doing up so early?” Tony asked as the little girl climbed into his lap to look at his phone.
“Uncle Gibbs,” Tali said, suddenly wide awake. Good morning, she signed. Gibbs put down the bottle and signed good morning back to her with a forced grin.
“Tali, why don’t you go get yourself some juice,” Tony said as he glanced at Gibbs’ image on his phone. Gibbs mouthed a quick “thank you”. His ability to hold things together was quickly failing. “So, when was the last time you talked to Jack?” Tony asked, repeating the question he’d asked before Tali had wandered into the room.
“She brought me back the file I had dropped off when I, you know, saw the brochures. Offered to go over her profile. Declined that offer. Asked if she wanted me to come over, she said no. And she left. Tim walked into the bullpen as I was tossing things off my desk. Not my finest moment,” he admitted as he swiped at his eyes.
“Freaked McGee out?” Tony teased, hoping to lighten the mood a little.
“Probably. He did everything short of follow me to make sure I went home,” Gibbs chuckled as he pushed himself up off the couch. He carried the laptop as he wandered around, earning a laugh from Tony.
“You can just FaceTime from your phone, you know that right?”
“Yeah, yeah but then I have to find my glasses to see what the hell I’m doing,” Gibbs snorted. “What do I do now?” he asked as he dropped into one of the kitchen chairs. He propped his chin in his hand and moved the laptop back a little when he realized he was way too close to the screen.
“You two need to talk. And I mean a really long talk, somewhere private, neutral.”
“Neutral? We’re not the Jets and the Sharks,” Gibbs snorted.
“First of all, nice reference. And yes, neutral, somewhere neither of you can just walk away from, or you know, do other things instead of talk,” Tony snorted. Gibs just rolled his eyes. “You know Jack loves you. And believe me when I say she’s beyond confused and the last thing she wants to do is to hurt you.”
“I know,” Gibbs sighed.
“Daddy can I come back into the living room?” Tali called from where she’d been patiently waiting in the kitchen. Gibbs just nodded. Tony handed her his phone and went to pour himself another cup of coffee.
Tali and Gibbs chatted and signed back and forth for a few minutes. Tony watched with pride as he always did when he saw the two of them interacting.
“Okay, wrap it up Tali, Uncle Gibbs needs to go to bed,” Tony said when he heard Gibbs yawn twice in the space of a minute.
“Okay, Daddy. Bye Uncle Gibbs,” she said before signing I Love You and blowing him a kiss.
“Love you too sweetie,” Gibbs said, pressing his hand to his heart.
Tony pulled on a coat and stepped out on to the balcony, away from Tali’s listening ears. “You okay?” Gibbs gave a little shrug of his shoulders.
“Just trying to make believe I’m in control. It’s all I can do now,” Gibbs sighed as he pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes for a second.
“Yeah, that is all you can do,” Tony agreed. “Try to get some sleep. Call Jack in the morning and set up a time and place to talk.”
“I will. Thanks for listening,” Gibbs said, trying not to yawn.
“Always, Jethro. I love you guys, don’t ever forget that,” Tony said.
“I won’t,” Gibbs winked as he once again pressed a hand to his heart.
Gibbs closed the laptop, turned off the lights. He stretched out on the couch, figuring he’d have a better chance of actually sleeping there, lulled by the warmth of the fire, than in the lonely bed upstairs.