Work Text:
When the manager tells him, it sounds like the silliest thing he’s ever heard.
“Teaching magic?” he asks. He’s not proud of the way his voice breaks at the end, but he also doesn’t care, because the manager just nods like it’s normal, fine, everything’s alright.
“Yeah,” the manager says. “With Tomorrow x Together’s Kang Taehyun-nim. Apparently he knows magic too. It’s for a new kids YouTube channel that’s going to launch in a couple of months, so they’re hoping to attract viewers right from the start with content with idols. What do you think?”
He thinks a lot of things, actually. He thinks he’s busy, writing song after song after song only to have his hopes of ever having them in an album crushed over and over. He thinks he’s tired, between managing his members, Chenle, and, every once in a while, Seventeen’s Wen Junhui. He thinks he’s scared, because they haven’t had a comeback in over a year and the members are restless all the time, and Dejun has been in China for a month, shooting a drama, but he couldn’t take Bella so now she’s his responsibility, and she’s started acting out, missing Dejun, so the cats have started acting out too, which leaves Ten stressed, which leaves Yangyang stressed, which leaves him stressed—
He thinks the company will make him do it, anyway. Otherwise this conversation wouldn’t even be happening.
So, after a few seconds of silence where he pretends to contemplate and the manager pretends to give him a choice, he shrugs, says, “Sure. Not like I’ve got anything better to do anyway.”
*
EP1 - COME AND LEARN THE MAGIC! DISAPPEARING CRAYONS!
He meets Kang Taehyun a week before they actually shoot the first episode of the show. Kang Taehyun is busy with comeback preparations and shooting a variety show as a regular cast member, so the only time he has available is Wednesday at 9PM.
Not like it’s a problem. He has no schedules, and after a day of being in the studio to avoid being home where Sicheng is being all passive-aggressive with him, the manager drives him to the HYBE building.
It’s huge. It’s got a million floors with a million rooms each, and security is so tight it takes them twenty minutes to even get inside the first elevator. They get lost a couple of times, wander about frantically, and have to resort to some wide-eyed trainees to ask where their meeting room is.
When they finally find room 35B, Kang Taehyun and his team are already there.
“Sorry we’re late,” the manager says, as they both bow. “We got lost.”
Kang Taehyun’s manager chuckles. “That tends to happen.”
The manager sits down, and then there’s only one seat available, right across from Kang Taehyun. People look at him weirder the longer he stands, so he quickly makes himself as comfortable as he can in the chair.
Kang Taehyun is looking at him. His eyes are so big, so dark, so sharp — it’s like if he looked right at Kang Taehyun, he’d get sucked into the black abyss of his eyes, never to return.
“Nice to meet you, Kun-sunbaenim,” Kang Taehyun says.
“You too,” Kun answers, bowing his head slightly. He doesn’t look at Kang Taehyun.
The production team for the magic show launches into introductions and explanations about how things are going to work. Kun tries to pay attention to the words that leave the main producer’s mouth, and he thinks Kang Taehyun tries, too. But every once in a while, when there’s a lull in the producer’s speech or a very long explanation about the technical aspects of the show, Kun feels Kang Taehyun’s gaze on him. He tenses up, unnerved.
“It’s a show for kids aged five to eight,” the producer is saying when Kun tunes in again. “So we want to show some beginners level magic. Think party tricks. Fun, easy things kids can do. We thought of a few ideas, but we’d like to hear from you too.”
Kang Taehyun and his manager rattle off some kid-friendly ideas that please the production team. They nod at each other, satisfied as they write down the new possible content.
Then they turn to Kun.
Kun’s leg shakes under the table. He tries to smile, but he’s sure it comes off as a grimace. Still he clears his throat, because he has to at least try.
“The coin behind the ear trick could be fun,” he says, voice as steady as he can keep it. “I know it’s maybe a little advanced for small kids, but we could try.”
The main producer and her assistant share a look. When they turn back to Kun with hesitant smiles on their faces, Kun knows his idea is about to get rejected. He’s seen that look many times on SM’s producers’ faces, on his manager’s face, on his members’ faces, even.
It’s funny. He used to think that he’d get used to being rejected, that he wouldn’t feel disappointed or sad anymore, but he still does. His ideas aren’t even good enough for a silly show with silly magic for silly kids. God, that’s a new low.
He opens his mouth before the producer even opens hers. “It’s okay if you don’t think it’s a good idea—”
“I think it’s a good idea,” Kang Taehyun says instead. “Kids love stuff like that, and sunbaenim is really good at it.”
“Ah, well.” The producer sounds flustered, but there’s the sounds of keys being hit on a keyboard. “It’ll go onto our list of possibilities, then.”
Kun’s so surprised he makes the mistake of looking at Kang Taehyun, only to find Kang Taehyun is already looking at him. Kun immediately tears his eyes away, because Kang Taehyun’s gaze is heavy. It makes him feel squirmy, wrong, it makes him feel seen. Like he’s being analyzed, like Kang Taehyun can see right through him as he tilts his head and stares openly at Kun.
He used to feel like that when he was a trainee, when people would look at him all the time looking for flaws, for things to correct, to perfect. Kang Taehyun’s stare is different, though. He’s not trying to catch Kun’s imperfections, his shortcomings — instead it feels like he’s trying to read Kun, to understand him and know him.
That’s somehow worse.
Kun avoids Kang Taehyun’s eyes for the rest of the meeting and even when they linger on him as he leaves. When he finally gets home, it’s to find Ten and Yangyang having a shouting match because Leon knocked down two of the smallest tanks in their bedroom and tried to eat Yangyang’s fish. There’s wet towels on the floor and glass everywhere, because of course they were more worried about fighting than cleaning up the mess.
“Look what your brother did, uh, Louis,” Kun says, picking Louis up from where he’s sniffing around a big chunk of glass. He feels a headache coming, and also the need to cry, but he doesn’t. He grabs a broom instead.
Then it’s time to shoot the first episode of the magic show. It’s a very easy trick to start off — disappearing crayons, which is simple and goofy and apparently approved by the producer’s nieces.
Kang Taehyun bows politely when Kun stands close to him behind the desk in the middle of the studio. The lighting team is not done yet, so there’s a moment of silence as they stay next to each other, waiting for it all to start.
“Are you doing well, sunbaenim?” Kang Taehyun asks after a few seconds. “You seem a bit stressed.”
Kun blinks a few times, surprised. He didn’t think anyone had picked up on how strained he was, except for the makeup noona who had looked at the bags under Kun’s eyes and sighed deeply.
But it’s Kang Taehyun, so of course he had. Kun hasn’t exactly forgotten how intense Kang Taehyun’s gaze was, but being away from it for a week makes it seem like it’s ten times stronger now, when it’s directed at him under the bright white lights of the studio.
Kun looks away.
“I’m fine,” he lies. Just this morning, Bella had peed in the kitchen and Sicheng had almost made the aunt who cleans their dorm cry. Which, not cool. “What about you, Taehyun-ssi? I heard you’ve been busy.”
Taehyun hums. “Yeah, after we’re done with shooting I have practice all night for the comeback. But it’s good, I like being busy.”
Kun nods, swallowing the jealous smile that threatens to come. He knows how hectic comeback preparations can get, with schedules piling up and barely any time to sleep or eat, but he misses it. He misses being exhausted because he was doing too much instead of too little, misses the burning of his muscles as he practiced the same move over and over and over.
He misses his friends, mostly. Sure they live together, but they’ve been at each other’s throats for months now, in a way they never were when they were busy and the only people they could count on were one another. Now they’re all angry and sad and bored, with no explanation whatsoever from the company as to why they just won’t get work. Kun wants to work.
Taehyun opens his mouth to say something else, but someone yells, “We’re ready to go!”, so he shuts it with a click of his teeth. Good. Kun’s not sure he wants to hear whatever it is Taehyun has to say.
Before they start with the magic trick, they have to do some arts and crafts first. Kun meticulously cuts up a bunch of crayons and the box (remember to always ask for adult help when dealing with scissors, kids!), keeping his voice calm but clear as he speaks instructions into his mic.
“Wow, Kun-sunbaenim is really good at this,” Taehyun tells the camera as Kun shows his crayon box. There’s a perfectly rectangular cut on the front.
Taehyun looks impressed, giving Kun a thumbs up. A pleasant feeling spreads through Kun’s chest, and he smiles at Taehyun.
“Yours looks good too, Taehyun-ssi,” he says.
“I know, right?” Taehyun smiles at him too, then holds up his box of crayons to the camera. “I’m pretty awesome at this.”
Kun’s laughter is startled out of him. He looks at Taehyun, wondering how someone can be so openly confident, and finds Taehyun’s ear all red.
They take a break for some batteries to be replaced on cameras and mics. Kun feels a lot more at ease now, more in his element; he knows how to act for the cameras, how to give the producers what they want. Even Taehyun doesn’t seem as intimidating now, but more like a fellow idol who also thrives on the attention.
So Kun takes the opportunity to show some of the staff the most recent card trick he mastered. He shows them his entire deck of cards on a table in the corner of the room, then shuffles them into a pile again.
“Now, you,” he says, pointing to a wide-eyed cameraman. “Can you think of a card? Tell me.”
“Six of diamonds,” the man says.
Kun nods. “And where do you think that card would be placed on this deck? Just say the first number that pops into your head."
“Twenty four?”
“Okay,” Kun says, and starts flipping the cards on the table. “Count them with me.”
The staff gathered around him counts as he puts down each card. Ten, eleven, twelve…
Taehyun doesn’t. Instead he stares open-mouthed, completely focused on Kun’s hands. Kun feels his cheeks warm. Twenty one, twenty two, twenty three…
“Twenty four,” he announces, and flips the card with a flourish. It’s a six of diamonds.
The staff all clap, impressed, but Taehyun claps the loudest of them all.
“That was super awesome, sunbaenim,” Taehyun says, when they’re back behind their table. He sounds so genuine it throws Kun a bit off. Taehyun is sharp and he knows magic too — he probably figured out the secret behind the trick already. Still he looks at Kun like he’s just seen him do the most amazing thing ever. “I knew you were good at magic, but you’re really, really good. The way you captivate the audience too, that’s just— wow. You’re amazing.”
And here it is again, Taehyun’s gaze that makes Kun want to run and hide. But he doesn’t. He just ducks his head, afraid Taehyun will see the pleased smile that blooms on his face, afraid he’ll somehow know his words make Kun feel all mushy inside.
“Isn’t it lame, though?”
He can hear the frown in Taehyun’s voice. “No, not at all. Magic is super cool. You doing magic is super cool, sunbaenim.”
They’re done after another hour of filming. The production team seems pleased, and so does his manager, and so does Taehyun, who squeezes his elbow lightly before he leaves.
“See you next week, sunbaenim,” he says. Then he smiles, happy and warm and so handsome it steals the breath right out of Kun’s lungs. “I really wanna see you do magic again.”
Kun can only stare dumbly, speechless and confused and — something else. Something he doesn’t want to think about, doesn’t want to touch. Not yet.
EP2 - EASY TRICK FOR YOU! A MAGIC TUBE, OH MY!
For the second video they have to do some arts and crafts again, this time teaching the viewers how to make a magic tube with two sheets of paper. It’s easy, fun and surprisingly short. He and Taehyun work so well together they’re finished before it’s even noon.
The problem with that is Kun has nothing to do now. A staff member at SM had told him not to come into the studio today because they’d finally be installing new WiFi in all the rooms, so his only other option is to go home. Except Xuxi and Guanheng had a massive fight last night about who ate someone else’s chicken or something stupid like that, and Kun really doesn’t want to deal with their brooding silence right now.
So he does what he always does in times of need: he calls Wen Junhui.
Junhui picks up after a couple of rings. “Hi, Kunkun!” he greets cheerfully.
“Hey,” Kun says. He gets into the van, fastens his seatbelt while his manager finishes a phone call of his own a few meters away. “Are you busy?”
“Not right now,” Junhui answers. “Just need to do some recording later.”
Of course Junhui is due for a comeback soon. Of course.
Kun sighs. “Want to have lunch together?”
“Sure. They might need me so I can’t leave the office, though. Is it okay if we eat here?”
Kun asks his manager to drop him off at the HYBE building, which gets him a raised eyebrow and a joke about changing companies. The bitter laugh and my contract keeps me hostage here, though are on the tip of his tongue, but he swallows them down and just says he’s meeting Junhui, like a good boy.
Junhui picks him up in the lobby. He gives Kun a warm hug, not caring about the employees walking by and giving them looks. Kun wants to melt into Junhui’s embrace and to something stupid like spill his guts, like cry. It’s so pathetic.
Getting through security is quicker this time, and soon enough they’re in the restaurant on the top floor. Kun notices stuff he didn’t catch on his first time here, like how the buttons in elevators are shiny new and how everything smells like lavender. SM is big, sure, but HYBE is just massive. Kun can’t even begin to imagine the amount of money that went into getting this building up, and the amount of money it takes to keep it running.
The restaurant serves Italian food, so Kun decides to go for lasagna while Junhui chooses some carbonara. They sit, and talk, and it’s so nice. Junhui doesn’t talk to Kun in riddles, or scoff at everything he says, or make mean jabs about his appearance. Instead he listens. He doesn’t offer a lot of advice, but he listens, attentive and serious as Kun does spill his guts.
“Yah, I can’t really say they’re wrong,” Junhui says lightly, after Kun tells him about Xuxi and Guanheng’s petty argument. “One time Seungcheol ate my last piece of chicken and I almost murdered him backstage at Music Bank. Almost got deported back home because of KFC!”
It gets the laugh he was probably expecting from Kun. Junhui laughs too, proud of himself, and Kun feels good like he hasn’t felt in forever. Junhui has that effect on people. Kun is glad they’re friends, glad they found each other in this foreign land, in this unforgiving business.
They’re halfway through their meal when Taehyun shows up.
“Hi Jun-hyung, hi Kun-sunbaenim,” he says. He hovers next to their table, but it’s not awkward. Kun doesn’t think Taehyun is capable of doing anything awkwardly; he stands there, confident, like he owns the place, like everything is his and that’s why he’s comfortable anywhere, anytime.
“Hey, Taehyun-ah,” Junhui says around a mouthful of carbonara, waving.
Kun mutters his greetings and waves too. Taehyun tilts his head, then looks at his half-eaten lasagna.
“Oh, sunbaenim, you got their lasagna?” he asks. “I heard it’s really good.”
“Oh, yeah, it is,” Kun says, and for some reason feels his mouth stick to the roof of his mouth with nerves. Being around Taehyun makes him feel like that: anxious, anticipating, like something’s about to happen, anything—
“Can I try a bite?”
Kun blinks, surprised. He looks briefly at Junhui, who has his eyebrow raised in confusion too.
He thinks maybe Taehyun is joking, but no. He looks like he means it, a small smile playing on his lips as he waits for Kun to answer. He saw Taehyun just a couple of hours ago in the studio, and he’s still wearing the same clothes, the same makeup on his face, but it strikes Kun all over again just how handsome Taehyun is. He looks like a prince out of a fairytale sometimes, all brown eyes and curved nose and plump lips. It’s unfair, really.
“Uh,” Kun finally manages to say, after the silence has stretched too long. Junhui is hiding a smile behind his hand, Kun can tell. “Sure.”
Then, not really believing he’s doing it, Kun cuts a piece of his lasagna and offers it to Taehyun.
Junhui’s eyebrows travel even further up on his forehead, but Kun tries to ignore him. Instead he focuses on Taehyun, who leans forward and closes his mouth around the fork Kun has hanging in mid-air, staring straight at him.
It’s so weird. It’s far from sexy, far from appealing, but the weight of Taehyun’s gaze still knocks something loose in the pit of Kun’s stomach.
He looks away, blushing.
“It’s good,” Taehyun says, after he’s done chewing. “Is it okay if I sit with you guys?”
Kun says nothing, so it’s Junhui who offers him a “Sure, Taehyun-ah, sit down.”
They switch to Korean to accommodate him, but it’s Taehyun who talks the most in the end, throwing Kun questions like “When did you start learning magic?” and “What’s your favorite song?” and “Can I call you hyung?”
It’s a little surprising and a lot overwhelming, to have Taehyun’s undivided attention and interest, to be the sole focus of his piercing gaze. Kun doesn’t really know what to do, doesn’t really know why Taehyun would be so curious about him, of all people. It’s suffocating. It’s exhilarating.
Between Taehyun’s endless questions and Junhui’s suggestive smirk, Kun is utterly flustered by the time they finish lunch. It gets even worse when Taehyun tags along with them to an empty practice room, where Junhui decides they should sing Unbreakable Love together. Kun closes his eyes and lets himself get lost in the music, lets himself imagine a lost love he’s still trying to hold on to. It’s not hard to do, not really, and he lets his emotions pour out of him with the song.
When the last notes fade away, there’s nothing but silence for a couple of seconds. Then someone starts clapping. Kun opens his eyes to find it’s Taehyun — of course — clapping so hard his palms are red, his mouth hanging open in shock.
“Wow!” he says. “That was so good. Jun-hyung, your voice is really, really sweet. It’s like honey in my ears, I didn’t know you could sing like that!”
Junhui blushes, waving his hands in front of his face. “No, ah, I mean, thank you, Taehyun-ah!”
“And Kun-hyung,” Taehyun turns to him then. His eyes sparkle with admiration, with awe, with amazement. “Your voice is so good. Seriously. The emotions when you sing, and the high notes you hit, everything, really, just, wow… you sing like an angel.”
Kun’s face is all warm. A pleasant tingle runs through his body, but he ducks his head, says, “Ah, no, I could have done better. It was really not that great.”
“Yes, it was,” Taehyun frowns. “You’re a great singer, hyung. I really like your voice.”
Kun almost believes him. He opens his mouth to retort again, but Junhui bumps his shoulder gently. “Just say thank you, Kunkun.”
Kun shakes his head, but in the end mutters, “Thank you, Taehyun-ah.”
They sing a few more songs, and Taehyun decides to join them when they sing A Whole New World. His voice is so clear, so strong and beautiful, Kun maybe wants to listen to it forever.
Junhui says, “Kun can’t take you on a magic carpet ride, Taehyun-ah, but he can take you on a plane ride!” and laughs at his own joke.
“Yah.” Kun rolls his eyes, shoving Junhui weakly, but Taehyun turns shocked eyes to them.
“What do you mean?” he asks. “Hyung, you can fly a plane?”
Kun rubs his cheek sheepishly. “Uh, yeah.”
“No way,” Taehyun laughs, disbelieving. “No way.”
Junhui shows him proof in a somewhat shaky video of Kun flying a small plane, something he sent Junhui a couple of months ago, when he flew without an instructor for the first time.
“He has a license and everything,” Junhui declares, proud, smiling at Kun.
“It’s nothing much,” Kun says, voice small. “It’s kind of nerdy, really.”
Taehyun looks at Kun like he can’t believe his ears. “It’s not nerdy at all, it’s awesome,” he whispers, almost reverent. “Hyung, you’re literally the coolest person I’ve ever met.”
Something warm and fuzzy spreads through Kun’s chest. He ducks his head so Taehyun and Junhui can’t see the pleased smile on his face.
When he can’t avoid going home anymore, he says goodbye to them and takes a taxi back to the dorm. Ten’s in the living room when he walks him, cuddling Louis and Leon with the TV on SBS.
Taehyun’s face is on the screen, on the variety show that takes him to meet foreign friends and learn about their culture. Kun wonders if that’s how his life is going to be now: just Taehyun, Taehyun, Taehyun.
EP3 - IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?! FLYING CARD!
Kun and Taehyun cut up a piece of flexible plastic (ask for adult help, kids!). Tape it to the back of their cards. Hold the cards in their hands, then bend the piece of plastic. It looks like the cards are floating. Simple. Easy.
Except the producer says it doesn’t look good. So they do it again. And again, and again.
Finally, the producer sighs. “Let’s take a break,” she says.
Kun doesn’t get it. Everything looked perfectly fine to him all the times they filmed, so what—
“Kun-ssi,” one of the assistants says. “We need to change your mic, can you come with me?”
Kun smiles at Taehyun, who’s looking at his card like there’s something wrong with it. He wants to reach out and smooth the crease between Taehyun’s brows very badly, but he keeps his hands to himself.
He follows the assistant to the small waiting room attached to the studio. There, she hands him a cake.
“Ugh,” Kun goes, mind blank. For a bizarre second, he thinks she’s giving it to him to give to Jisung, but that can’t be right.
“It’s Taehyun-nim’s birthday tomorrow,” she tells him. “We want to sing happy birthday with a cake for the behind the scenes video.”
Kun wants to say he won’t do it. He wants to say he’s not in the mood for a party at all, because Xuxi and Guanheng’s fight from last week hadn’t solved itself like Kun hoped it would. No, instead it had escalated, somehow now involving Sicheng, Ten, the cats, and Dejun over a video call. And just last night, as he was cuddling Bella in his bed, Yangyang had asked, very quietly, when they would get to work again. Kun had no answer to give him.
So he wants to tell the producer no, he won’t hold Taehyun’s cake and sing him happy birthday. But he’s still a professional, first and foremost, so he puts on the party hat she hands him, lights the candles, and goes into the studio with a smile on his face and the birthday song loud on his mouth.
Taehyun looks genuinely surprised, his eyes wide and mouth a perfect ‘o’.
“Make a wish!” Kun says cheerfully. Maybe too cheerfully, because Taehyun gives him a funny look, like he knows Kun’s heart is not in this at all.
But Taehyun gathers his hands together in front of his face, thinks for a few seconds, then blows out the candles. He claps for himself like a little kid, loud and full of enthusiasm, and the sight is so adorable it makes the first genuine laugh of the day bubble out of Kun.
“You laughed!” Taehyun says, delighted.
“Yeah,” Kun chuckles. “I laugh all the time.”
Taehyun hums. “No, you don’t.”
Taehyun’s sharp eyes bore into him, and Kun wills himself not to squirm. He feels like he’s under a microscope, like he’s being picked apart layer by layer for Taehyun to inspect. It’s terrifying.
Then one of the producers says they’re going back to filming, and Kun is saved.
An hour later, while the prop team gets another deck of cards and Taehyun runs to the bathroom, Kun finds a sheet of paper and folds it into a rose. It’s so lame and pathetic he’s about to throw it in the trash when Taehyun comes back.
“Oh, that’s nice, hyung,” he says, nodding at the rose. “You can do origami too?”
“A little bit, yeah,” Kun says. Then he hands it to Taehyun, because what the hell. “It’s for you.”
Eyes wide, Taehyun asks, “Really?”
Kun didn’t know it was Taehyun’s birthday tomorrow. He would have prepared a gift if he had known, if only to save himself the embarrassment of giving one of the coolest idols of the 4th generation an origami rose made out of the discarded script of a past episode. It’s silly, awful, laughable.
And yet Taehyun holds it like it’s precious. He looks at the rose like it’s the most precious thing he’s ever received.
“I’m sorry it’s such a bad gift—”
“It’s not,” he says, frowning at Kun. “I love it. Thank you so much, hyung.”
“This is nothing,” Kun says. Then, to relieve the tension he feels building within him the more Taehyun looks at him with something that’s unbelievably like fondness: “Maybe I could cook for you or something—”
He means to add a haha, funny joke, right, but Taehyun interrupts him.
“I’d love that,” he says. “Tonight?”
“Tonight?” Kun repeats, faint.
“I can’t tomorrow,” Taehyun pouts. “I have a schedule all day, then my birthday live. But I’m free tonight. I don’t know about your schedules, though, hyung.”
“I’m free,” Kun says, trying to keep the bitterness out of his voice. “I’m always free.”
Somehow, they get the okay from both managers to hang out after the shooting is done. Somehow, they can’t go to Taehyun’s dorm, because neither his stove, not his oven, nor his microwave work (a very long story that involves Beomgyu, Soobin, a hedgehog named Odi and a banana that Taehyun tells him on the car). So somehow, to Kun’s utter bafflement, they end up in the WayV dorm.
As they get inside, Kun prays the apartment is not a complete mess, prays the cats and the dog behave, prays there won’t be another shouting match that’ll get them noise complaints again—
“We have a guest!” he yells in Mandarin into the living room, just as Bella and Louis come to sniff Taehyun’s ankles. “Everyone on your best behavior, please!”
“Fuck you!” a voice that sounds a lot like Ten’s yells from the bathroom.
God, it’s like he’s running a daycare here.
“Everything okay, hyung?” Taehyun asks, as Kun leads him into the kitchen, which is mostly clean. He sends a silent thank you to the aunt who came yesterday.
“Everything’s fine,” he says.
Taehyun says nothing. He watches as Kun ties an apron around his waist, as he gets the ingredients out of the fridge. Kun can feel Taehyun’s eyes following him even as Leon hops on the dinner table and practically begs for Taehyun’s attention.
A distraction comes in the form of Yangyang, who ventures into the kitchen to get a bottle of water, a backpack slung on one shoulder.
“Hey,” he says to Taehyun, who bows his head politely at him. To Kun, in Mandarin, he says, “I’m going to Renjun’s dorm. Don’t feel like looking at Hendery tonight.”
So another fight. Great.
“Okay,” Kun sighs.
Taehyun graciously doesn’t pry, but after Yangyang leaves, he asks, “What are you cooking, hyung?”
“Cheese tteokbokki,” Kun says. “I don’t have all the ingredients for seaweed soup, sorry.”
“I’m happy with whatever you make.”
Taehyun sounds like he means it.
At some point, while Kun cooks, Taehyun gets distracted by his phone, laughing at whatever’s on his screen. Kun should be relieved, should be glad he’s not trapped beneath Taehyun’s gaze anymore, but instead he misses it, almost, misses he attention and the interest. But that’s a thought he doesn’t want to analyze right now, so he pushes it to the back of his mind, behind the song he’s working on and the reminder to order Bella’s food online.
When the tteokbokki is ready, the members come out one by one, attracted by the smell. They briefly say hi to Taehyun — Xuxi even engages him in conversation for a couple of minutes — and then they fill their bowls with food and run back to their rooms.
“Hyung!” Taehyun says, when it’s just the two of them again, sitting across from each other at the table. “This is the tastiest tteokbokki I’ve ever eaten.” He thinks for a second, then adds, “After my mom’s.”
Kun tries to hide the blush that rises high on his cheeks. “It’s just tteokbokki,” he says. “It’s not that hard to make.”
“A recipe being easy doesn’t mean it always turns out good,” Taehyun reasons. “Like, Kai and I try to cook simple stuff but most of the time it’s all tasteless. So I think this means you’re a great cook, hyung.”
“He’s excellent,” says Sicheng, back for a refill. It’s the nicest thing he’s said to and about Kun in weeks.
“See, your members agree,” Taehyun smiles. “Chef Kun.”
Kun laughs, dimples coming out, warmth spreading from his head to his toes.
After dinner, Taehyun insists on doing the dishes.
“You cooked, hyung,” he says, firm, when Kun tries to argue that guests shouldn’t do chores. “You’re always doing stuff for other people. Let me at least do this for you.”
It’s so simple, so small. Yet this is what pushes Kun over the edge, the single drop of water that makes the glass overflow, and suddenly he’s crying in his kitchen in front of Kang Taehyun, Bella trying to jump and lick his face.
“I’m sorry,” he says in Mandarin. Not exactly to Taehyun, or Bella, or the members probably eavesdropping from their bedrooms. It’s to himself, mostly, to the man he used to be who’s now become this mess. “I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay, hyung,” Taehyun says. He doesn’t try to hug Kun, which Kun finds he actually wants Taehyun to do. Instead Taehyun runs a hand up and down Kun’s back. “It’s okay.”
He doesn’t know how long he cries, but when he gathers his bearings again he’s on the couch, Bella looking up at him with her head on his lap and Taehyun sitting by his side.
“I’m sorry,” he says in Korean this time. Bella licks his cheek, distressed, and he pats her head to calm her down. “Things have just been… hard, lately, you know?”
“Yeah,” Taehyun says.
He uses his thumb to wipe away a few tears still clinging to Kun’s eyelashes, the gesture oddly intimate and tender. Kun realizes how close they are: like this, there’s the lingering smell of Taehyun’s shampoo, and he could count the blemishes on Taehyun’s skin if he wanted to. If he wanted to, he could lean down just a bit, just tiny centimeters and connect their lips together. If he wanted to—
He wants to. He so, so wants to.
He pulls away instead, removing Taehyun’s hand from his flaming face. He clears his throat, looks at the clock on the wall, notices it’s just past midnight.
“Happy birthday, Taehyun-ah,” he says, his voice as steady as he can get it. “Sorry I ruined it.”
Taehyun shakes his head.
“This is the best birthday ever.” At Kun’s raised eyebrow, Taehyun flushes. He’s embarrassed, which Kun thought was impossible for someone as confident as Taehyun. “Not because you cried or anything, hyung! I don’t like seeing you sad! But I like spending time with you. A lot. And your tteokbokki was super good!”
Kun smiles at him. Taehyun smiles back, open and young and utterly beautiful.
Taehyun does the dishes in the end. Kun stands next to him, drying and putting them away. They talk about their childhood, about their friends, about magic, about everything and nothing in the minutes it takes for all the bowls and chopsticks and pans to be washed clean in the agonizingly slow pace Taehyun sets.
When Taehyun’s manager comes to pick him up, it’s way past one in the morning.
EP4 - NOW YOU SEE IT, NOW YOU DON’T! DISAPPEARING COIN!
ME
so 1:03AM
JUNHUI
? 1:04AM
ME
i might need some advice 1:04AM
JUNHUI
ohohoho, you’ve come to the right place 1:04AM
what can the great junhui help you with 1:05AM
ME
let’s say i want something 1:10AM
what do i do 1:10AM
JUNHUI
buy it? 1:12AM
ME
it’s not something i can buy 1:14AM
let’s say i want something from someone 1:20AM
JUNHUI
you know i can work with vague but you’re being really vague here, pal 1:20AM
ME
let’s say i want to kiss someone, okay!!! 1:37AM
what do i do!!! 1:37AM
JUNHUI
ah 9:25AM
that’s easy 9:25AM
you ask them if you can 9:26AM
The door of the waiting room bursts open as Kun reads Junhui’s latest texts. He fumbles to hide his phone back in his pocket because Taehyun comes practically running towards him, his eyes alight.
“Hyung,” he says. “What’s this?”
He literally shoves his phone in Kun’s face. The makeup noona doing Kun’s cheeks and lips complains, so Taehyun apologizes and proceeds to hold his phone at a distance that makes it possible for her to work and for Kun to see the screen.
It’s Kun’s Instagram page. More precisely, it’s a video he posted on his feed last night, fifteen seconds of a song he produced. Yesterday, one of the producers at the company had said he didn’t think that song would fit any of their groups’ concepts, sorry, and Kun was so upset with yet another rejection he decided to post the snippet so strangers online could say they liked it and heal his broken ego. It didn’t work completely, but it did help.
“It’s something I’ve been working on,” he tells Taehyun. “It’s not that good, but—”
“Are you kidding me? It sounds amazing,” Taehyun says. He sounds so sincere, like he always does when he compliments Kun. Kun wants to believe him so badly. “Can I listen to the full track? Please, hyung?”
Taehyun blinks his adorable big eyes, pouting, and Kun is a goner.
“Okay,” he sighs. “But it’s on my computer in the studio. I’ll send it to you later.”
“Or,” Taehyun says. “I could just go to the studio with you.”
Today’s trick involves a glass, some paper and a coin. It’s a super fun one, but Kun’s not sure he enjoys himself much, his stomach in knots at the thought of Taehyun in his space, listening to his song. Taehyun’s been to his dorm, sure, but it’s different. The dorm is for the seven of them, two cats, a dog and the occasional manager. The studio is Kun’s and Kun’s alone, the only place where he can be himself fully and peek at the deepest darkest corners of his being, and letting Taehyun step in is a bit like opening the doors of his heart and saying welcome, make yourself comfortable, please treat me kindly.
After they’re done Taehyun spends a good twenty minutes talking to his manager, their heads bent together like they’re discussing something serious. Finally, when Kun can’t stall anymore and his own manager is ready to drag him out of the building, Taehyun finds him, a blinding smile on his face.
“We gotta be quick, hyung,” he says. “I have another schedule at five.”
The manager drives them to the SM building, where Taehyun stares openly at everything and everyone, walking like he knows exactly where he’s going, not intimidated at all.
Kun is suddenly nervous when they stop in front of the door of his studio. He wonders if Taehyun will like it, will like the song, will like him. But he snaps out of his thoughts before they threaten to consume him, turns the knob, and lets Taehyun walk in.
It’s tiny. It barely fits Kun’s desk with his equipment and a two-seat old comfy couch, and the purple light he installed for ambiance flickers sometimes, and if someone flushes the toilet on the bathroom upstairs he can hear it, but it’s his. There are pictures of his family and the members on the walls, and stuffed Bella, Leon and Louis dolls a fan got him on the couch, and it’s his.
“I like your studio, hyung,” Taehyun says, quiet, like he knows he’s stepping somewhere treasured. “It’s very nice.”
Kun tells him to sit on the couch and pulls up the song on his computer. Taehyun listens to it with his eyes closed, bobbing his head to the beat, while Kun tries not to stare at him and feels his hands sweat.
“It’s not finished yet,” Kun says once the song is over, before Taehyun can even open his mouth to speak. “I still want to change some things, maybe add more bass.”
“It already sounds so good,” Taehyun says, and Kun ducks his head to hide his blushing face. “What do you want to change?”
Kun tells him about how the song started and where he wants it to go, the mood he’s trying to achieve, something mellow and captivating, relaxing. “Like when you’re floating in the ocean, and all the sounds are muffled, distant, and you just feel the heat of the sun and the coldness of the water and the waves slowly moving your body up and down. That kind of feeling, you know?”
“Yeah,” Taehyun says. His eyes swim with fondness, his smile soft around the edges. “It’s going to be great when you finish it.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I do,” Kun bites his lips, wants to ask him why, why Taehyun seems to have such faith in him, but Taehyun answers his unasked question first. “Because it’s hyung, and hyung is amazing. I can see how passionate you are about this song. You’re doing your best, so of course it’ll be great. It already is.”
Kun melts. He turns into a puddle right there in his studio chair, with Taehyun looking at him like he hung the moon and the stars and his gut burning with pleasure.
Then Taehyun’s phone rings, and the moment is broken.
“It’s my manager,” Taehyun pouts. “I have to go, hyung. But…” Taehyun bites his lips, hesitates. After a few seconds, he reaches out and takes Kun’s hand in his. “I want to sing that song with you, hyung. But only if you want to.”
Kun nods, throat suddenly dry. “I want to.”
The next day, Kun watches Tomorrow x Together’s comeback show on the TV in Chenle’s living room, Daegal and Bella rolling on the floor in front of the couch. Taehyun’s eyes look so brown on the screen, and his hair so pink, and his voice sounds so beautiful. It’s hard to believe their conversations ever happened, hard to believe a guy like Taehyun, who has everything, seems to think the world of Kun, who has nothing.
“Do you like him, ge?” Chenle asks, his voice funny, watching Kun watch TV Taehyun.
Kun flushes. He looks at Chenle for a moment to find his expression open and curious, which he should have expected; Chenle loves gossip, especially when it involves members of their NCT and Seventeen group of friends. But Chenle also knows when to keep his mouth shut. Kun trusts him completely, and he can’t really bring himself to say no, so he says, “Maybe. Probably. Yeah.”
Chenle sighs, rests his chin on a hand, and demands to know all about it.
Kun is already settled in bed when Taehyun texts him a few hours later.
TAEHYUN
hyung, are you awake? 2:38AM
ME
yeah 2:39AM
TAEHYUN
can i call you? 2:39AM
ME
👍 2:40AM
“Hi,” Taehyun says, voice low, tired.
“Hey,” Kun sits up in bed, which disturbs Leon, who glares at Kun. Yangyang glances at him from his own bed where he’s playing games on his phone, pretending not to listen in.
“Sorry for calling so late,” Taehyun yawns. “I just got home.”
Kun frowns. “You should sleep, Taehyun-ah.”
“I wanted to talk to you.”
Kun’s heart is as loud as a drum.
“Okay.”
“Okay,” Taehyun echoes. “Okay, so. I got permission from Big Hit to do the song with you, hyung.”
“Already?” Kun blinks, surprised.
“Yeah.” There’s the sound of shuffling, like Taehyun is moving things around, then the quiet click of a door being shut softly. “I really pestered my manager, said I wouldn’t stop bugging him about it until he talked to the higher-ups, so for his own sanity he sped up the process. They said it’s okay for me to feature on the song, as long as it’s only released on your YouTube or Soundcloud.”
“The song has no lyrics yet,” Kun says. And, shakily, “Do you want to write them with me?”
“I’d love to.”
It hits him then, the enormity of what Taehyun has done for him, what this gesture means. Where it could take them, if he wanted to.
He wants to.
“Thank you, Taehyun-ah.” He presses his phone against his ear, grips it tighter, wishes he could see Taehyun’s face.
“I’m doing this for me too, hyung,” Taehyun chuckles. “I really want to sing your song with you.”
“Our song.” Kun corrects gently, the words easy on his tongue.
“Okay. Yeah.” Taehyun sounds almost breathless. “Our song.”
Kun smiles. He has a feeling Taehyun is smiling, too.
“So anyway, you need to talk to your company, and then have them talk to my company.”
Kun hums, nodding. “Give me your manager’s number. I’ll give it to my manager, and they can work things out.”
“Okay,” Taehyun says, then yawns so loud Leon gives Kun a disapproving look.
“You really should get some rest, Taehyun-ah,” he says. He doesn’t try to keep the affection out of his voice, is sure Taehyun and Yangyang and even Leon pick up on it. “Congratulations on your comeback.”
“Thank you, hyung,” Taehyun says, soft. “And don’t worry too much, okay? I know things are rough for you right now, but they’ll get better eventually. You can weather this storm. And if you ever need to vent, get away from it all, or anything, really, I’m here for you.”
Kun doesn’t cry, but it’s a close call. Instead he just sighs and says, “Thank you, Taehyun-ah. Go to sleep now.”
“Okay. Good night, hyung.”
“Sweet dreams.”
Taehyun hangs up. Kun spends a couple of minutes still sitting in his bed, thinking, until eventually he gets up, which disturbs Leon again. The cat huffs at him, offended, and pads over to Yangyang’s desk chair.
“Yangyang,” Kun says. “Come to the living room for a moment.”
He’s not surprised when he knocks on the other members’ doors and they’re all awake. Even Dejun is awake, his face blurry and tired on the video call. And when they’re all gathered in the living room, confused and annoyed, Kun looks at each one of them, maybe for the first time in months, and he can see his friends again. His brothers, who are all exhausted like him, scared like him, way past their breaking point like him.
He’s their leader. He should start acting like one.
“Okay, guys,” he says, getting their attention. “We need to talk.”
EP5 - IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE THERE?! A HEART BEHIND THE EAR!
The first thing Taehyun does when he gets to the filming studio is run to Kun and hug him. They’re under the watchful eyes of the staff and their managers, but for a second or two Kun doesn’t care. He hasn’t seen Taehyun in a month. He misses him, so he hugs him back and buries his smile against the curve of Taehyun’s shoulder.
“I missed you, hyung,” Taehyun whines.
Instead of saying it back, Kun squeezes Taehyun’s waist and says, “But we talked last night.”
“Talking on the phone is not the same.” Taehyun rolls his eyes, but he beams at Kun, and yeah. Kun is forced to agree, because no amount of texting and calling and video calling everyday is a good enough substitute for seeing Taehyun’s real smile, feeling Taehyun’s body under his fingertips, smelling Taehyun’s shampoo up close.
How appropriate, then, that today they’re making hearts out of playdough (don’t eat it, kids!!) for their trick. Kun pulls his heart from behind Taehyun’s ear, and Taehyun gasps, looking at the camera with his eyes wide, before he pulls his heart from behind Kun’s ear too.
After everything is done, the staff brings them a cake and they take about three million pictures with at least five different cell phones.
“Thank you guys so much,” the main producer says, bowing. “We’re hoping to release the first episode next month. We hope it’s a hit!”
Kun hopes so too, and he tells her as much. He thought it was a silly idea at first, but now he’s sad it’s over, this weekly schedule the only time he felt like he was actively working when things were really rough. But they’re better now, and he hopes they get even better as he hops in Taehyun’s van.
Stuck in the city traffic with only Taehyun’s manager as witness, Kun lets himself be bold, lets himself want, and reaches out to hold Taehyun’s hand. Taehyun giggles, pleased, and brings their joined hands to rest on his lap.
“How’s Dejun-hyung?” Taehyun asks. He looks relaxed, body turned sideways on his seat so he can stare openly at Kun.
Kun mirrors the position, running his thumb over the back of Taehyun’s hand. “He’s tired,” he says. “But he’s happy to be with Bella again.”
He shows Taehyun the video he took last night of Dejun rolling his gigantic suitcase into the dorm but barely making it through the door himself, Bella jumping on him and licking him all over. Dejun, of course, ugly cried with her in his arms, and Kun joined in on the chorus of voices making fun of him, even if he cried a little bit himself.
Taehyun smiles softly at the video. “That’s sweet,” he says. “And did Ten-hyung pick a song yet?”
“Not yet,” Kun rolls his eyes. “But he has until tomorrow, or Sicheng says he’s going to ban him from choosing songs forever.”
The night Kun gathered the members in the living room, he promised to do more for them. Promised to fulfill his role as the leader and fix things, instead of letting all their frustrations and doubts and anger accumulate and fester, because that would kill their friendship in the end, and he didn’t want to lose them. Xuxi was the first one to cry, and soon enough they were all sobbing and apologizing to each other. After the pets came over to them, distressed, they calmed down and forged a plan: Ten, Sicheng and Yangyang wanted to do weekly dance videos, Guanheng wanted to sing a cover, Xuxi wanted to try acting and Dejun just wanted to see his dog.
Kun relayed that all to the manager a couple of days later, his voice only shaking a little as he delivered his prepared speech. The manager listened quietly to everything Kun had to say, then nodded, said he couldn’t promise anything, but he would check with the company.
Now Dejun is finally back, the dance videos gather millions of views within hours, Guanheng’s releasing his cover tomorrow and Xuxi just got offered a supporting role on a web drama. There’s no news of a comeback yet, but it’s enough for now.
“I’m proud of you, hyung.” Taehyun says, so earnest it makes Kun’s face burn hot.
He spends the rest of the way listening to Taehyun tell him about the new relationship drama between Soobin and a The Boyz member, and how he played games with Sunghoon late at night, and that his brother just started a new job.
Taehyun’s members are all home, watching a drama in the living room. They shush Taehyun when he says he brought a guest over, because it’s a “very important scene, don’t ruin it, Taehyun-ah!”. So Taehyun scoffs and drags Kun to his bedroom by the hand.
As Taehyun is grabbing the notebook where he brainstormed some ideas for their lyrics, Kun looks around the room. It has light green wallpaper, a bed full of plushies in one corner and an unmade bed in the other, and between them there’s a desk. And on that desk, sitting proudly atop a pile of books, is—
The origami rose.
“You kept it?” Kun asks, shocked.
Taehyun comes to his side with his notebook in hands, sees him looking at the rose.
“Yeah.” he says.
Why would Taehyun keep this lame, crappy rose?
“Why would you keep this lame, crappy rose?”
“Don’t talk about her like that,” Taehyun frowns, then smacks him lightly with the notebook. “And I kept it because hyung gave it to me. My first gift from hyung.”
Kun feels a little faint.
“Ah.” he says.
This is it, he thinks, as Taehyun levels him with his intense, sharp stare. Being under Taehyun’s unblinking gaze still awakens his fight or flight instinct, but he tries to relax, because he doesn’t want to run from Taehyun anymore. He wants to run towards him, besides him, he wants—
“I like you a lot, hyung.” Taehyun says.
Kun was half expecting it, but it still knocks the breath right out of him. Taehyun’s eyes are so clear, so fond, and the way he reaches for Kun’s hand is so sweet, Kun can’t help but wonder why again. Why would Taehyun, beautiful, smart, young and rich Taehyun, like him, of all people.
“You don’t believe me.” Taehyun narrows his eyes at him, searching Kun’s face.
Kun shakes his head. “I do, but,” he swallows. “Why?”
Taehyun frowns. He tilts his head, like he’s really thinking about it for a few seconds. Kun’s hand starts to sweat in Taehyun’s, but then Taehyun nods, smiling softly at him.
“Because you’re good at magic.”
That’s… not what Kun was expecting. He blinks. “What?”
“You’re good at magic, hyung,” Taehyun throws his notebook on the unmade bed, then holds Kun’s other hand too. “You’re a great singer. You can cook like a professional chef. You produce amazing songs. You’re so good at everything you do, and you can do all sorts of stuff. You can fly a plane, hyung. A plane. I admire and respect you so much. You’re sweet, you’re smart, you’re kind, you’re handsome. Why wouldn’t I like you? You’re the best person I’ve ever met.”
Kun’s face has never felt so hot. He can’t stop the smile that blooms on his face, can’t stop the tingle of pleasure he feels all over at being praised like this. It makes his head swim a little, his toes curl. He hides his face behind his hands.
“Ah, hyung, really,” Taehyun whines, tugging on his hands. “Let me see your face.”
Kun shakes his head, feeling his blush deepen. “Why?”
“Because it’s a beautiful face,” Taehyun says, easy as breathing. “I like looking at it.”
Kun drops his hands slowly, peeking at Taehyun from behind his fingers first. Taehyun giggles, happy.
“So handsome, my hyung,” he grabs one of Kun’s hands and kisses it. “So good at what he does,” he drops a kiss on the other hand. “Such a great leader,” a kiss to Kun’s cheek. “The coolest, most handsome guy in Seoul.”
The sound that leaves Kun’s mouth comes from somewhere deep within him. He’s all mushy, melting under Taehyun’s hands, and it’s scary to know someone has this kind of power over him, can make or break him with just a few words. But he trusts Taehyun, trusts him to be careful with his heart, to hold it in his hands and not break it.
“That’s not fair, Taehyun-ah,” Kun says, no real heat in his voice, resting his forehead on Taehyun’s shoulder.
Taehyun’s hand comes up to thread through the short hair at the back of Kun’s neck. They’re silent for a minute or two, just the sounds of their breathing and Kun’s heartbeat loud in his ears, until—
“Hyung,” Taehyun says. Kun looks at him to find Taehyun’s face open, wondering, curious. “Do you like me too?”
Kun nods. “I do.” He squeezes Taehyun’s hand, then leaves a kiss on his palm.
To Kun’s utter surprise, Taehyun doesn’t grin smugly and kiss him on the mouth. Instead he blushes, the dusting across his cheeks and ears matching his fading pink hair, and ducks his head.
“Taehyun-ah,” Kun starts, awed, delighted, giddy with affection. “Are you shy?”
Taehyun groans, then locks his arms around Kun’s neck, hiding his face against Kun’s chest.
“You’re difficult to read sometimes, hyung,” he says. “I wasn’t sure if you liked me or not.”
Kun is reminded, then, that Taehyun is just twenty one years old, and for all the confidence and bravado he emanates, of course he feels insecure sometimes, of course he has doubts. So he squeezes Taehyun in his arms, kisses his hair, and asks, “Can I kiss you?”
“Yeah,” Taehyun answers, breathless. “Please.”
They kiss once, careful and slow, then again, then again.
“Wow, hyung,” Taehyun says, a cheeky grin on his face when they break apart. “You’re good at kissing too!”
Kun laughs despite himself. “Shut up,” he says, secretly delighted.
“How about we name our song that? A Man Who Is Good At Kissing Too?”
“I’m leaving,” Kun says, making no move to detach himself from Taehyun.
“You can if you want to, hyung,” Taehyun shoots back, suddenly serious. “What do you want?”
Kun wants a lot of things. He wants his songs to be heard, and he wants to visit his parents, and he wants Yangyang to keep his side of the room clean.
But, right now, he just wants to kiss Taehyun. So he does.