Work Text:
ONE.
Hermione Granger, for all it was worth, did everything she could with pure excellence. She never once seemed to falter, and if she did, she made sure that she could regain herself again. She was taught, when she was young, that she should never take things for granted. And so, she made sure to always give the best of her in every situation, every person, everything to say the least.
But of course, not everyone would be pleased by her - this she knows. She always reminded herself that only those who matter were meant pleasing, worth risking her efforts for. Merlin, she knew this. She was literally a muggle-born studying in Hogwarts. However good and smart and brave she would be, not everyone would spare her even an ounce of respect.
(She gloated to Harry and Ron about how sick she is of being seen just for her blood status, and they told her she doesn’t get it. She wasn’t born in the Wizarding World. Muggles were always seen differently.)
She learned to live with it. 2 years in Hogwarts should have been enough for her to be reminded of that. And live with it, she did. She never let those snarky remarks from the Slytherin get to her, she knows she’s better and smarter than them anyways. Doesn’t let the fact that sometimes, Ron sees her as this annoying swotty know it all get into her head. Doesn’t let the fact that no matter how good she tries in Snape’s class, she’ll always be somehow the cause of house points deduction rather than gain.
Harry has told her, 3 times specifically, that she’s too kind. That if he was in her shoes, he would’ve not gone back for 2nd year in Hogwarts. She just shakes her head and says she’s a Gryffindor after all.
. . . . .
If anyone did the most taunting in her life, it would be Draco Malfoy. Snarky remarks about her hair, her blood, her friends, her clothes - everything. Given a chance to pass each other in the hallway, Malfoy would make sure she knew what he thought of her. And she knew.
She was heading to the Great Hall alone for dinner, after finishing up a meeting with Professor McGonagall. It was a hell of a stressful month for her, for everyone. With new cases of unknown petrifies, with the golden trio’s plan of Polyjuice that she has been reading on and researching about, and of course, class requirements and what not, it was no doubt she was more than tired .
“Alone, Granger? Potter and Weasley not with you?”
She stops in her tracks and turns sideways - she sees Malfoy who seemed to have just gone from the Great Hall, smirking at her with much disdain.
“As much as I know how much you want to see them, Malfoy,” she bites, “Unfortunately they aren’t here. Now if you excuse me.”
She was about to walk past him when he stopped in front of her, cocking his head to the side with that sinister smile of his that she awfully hates.
“You know, they shouldn’t leave you alone. With all the unknown cases of Petrifies going on. You’re an easy target, Mudblood.”
She glares at him and stands her ground, “Glad to see you’re concerned for me, Malfoy. Didn’t expect that from you.”
He just laughed and shook his head before stepping away. Not before making sure she knows what she is to her.
“Once you get out of Hogwarts, once your kind stops stepping foot in here - that would be the best day of my life, Granger. Consider that my only wish”, he says, with a sneer on his face. He made sure that each word struck her.
“You aren’t meant to be here, your kind is ruining magic. And I would beg for whoever to fucking petrify you next.”
She balls her fist in anger, and Malfoy notices her hand shaking and smiles. He stands a bit taller, and turns to leave, not before calling her Mudblood.
“Hey, Malfoy”, she all but shouts. People were starting to head out of the Great Hall and heads turned as she called him. He stopped in his tracks, turned around, and glared at her.
“I hate you. Stay the hell away from me.”
She didn’t even wait for his reaction or whatever loathsome words he was gonna say to her. She turned around and walked towards the Gryffindor common room.
And later at night, as she was trying to sleep, she swore she never felt that kind of range in her life.
in between.
“Hermione, are you okay?”
She blinks awake and her body aches and she sees Ron and Harry and she tries to give them a smile, if it does look like a smile anyway.
“How long have I been petrified?” she asks them, as Harry gives her a glass of water.
“2 days. I swear ‘Mione,” Ron starts, “once we get to the bottom as to who did this to you, they’ll regret it.”
She asks them if there have been any cases or any new information that they have found while she was out. Harry and Ron tell her everything they can tell her before Madame Pomfrey quickly drags them out of the hospital wing.
She is alone again and she is given a vial to drink and she sighs. She won’t be able to leave the hospital wing until tomorrow, given Madam Pomfrey’s strict orders. She looks around her and her mind wanders to the incident when she was Petrified. She tried to remember who was there, where she was, what she was doing.
Her thoughts were cut off when she noticed a little envelope by her tableside. Eyebrows furrowed, she opened it and wondered if it was even for her.
She opens the folded paper and it shows her the prettiest handwriting she has seen. Delicate is the first thing she thought of. She flips the paper to see if it was addressed to anyone but it wasn’t. She doesn’t know if she should read the content of the letter. Being wary, she reaches for her hand on her table side and reads the letter.
For what it’s worth, I never meant what I said. I’m sorry this happened to you.
She furrowed her eyebrows as she tried to think who could have sent her this. If it was even for her in the first place. She folds the paper neatly, places it by her table side once again and tries to not pay too much attention to it. She had more important things to think of.
When she left the hospital wing, she left the letter there.
TWO.
The Yule Ball wasn’t really what Hermione was looking forward to. She hated the attention, hated how Ron didn’t ask her out. She expected it to be the fairy tale she wanted - maybe that was her fault.
She wore a periwinkle dress, her hair tied unlike her usual bushy self, and her face painted with the slightest blush of makeup. Truth be told, she felt quite embarrassed. Yes, she looked pretty, she would admit that herself. But she just didn’t feel like it was her.
“‘Mione, you look beautiful,” Harry said as she stepped out of the girls’ common room. He approached her and took her hand and gave her a twirl in which she giggled.
“You don’t look bad yourself, Harry,” she says, fixing his glasses as they were slightly skewed.
He gave her a boyish grin before they set off to the Great Hall.
“Where is Viktor?” Harry asks her.
Being Viktor Krum’s date was unexpected to say the least. The Bulgarian Wizard did show interest in her as he was always with her in the library, and asking her if he could walk her to class. Hermione thinks he’s being too kind. She doesn’t like him that way, if she was being honest.
“We’ll meet by the entrance of the Great Hall. What about you? Where’s Parvati?”
“They’re already there, with Ron. You know, he’s still being a git,” Harry says nonchalantly.
Hermione sighed. Sometimes, her best friend could be a pain in the arse.
“He’ll come around, ‘Mione. He’s being stupid,” Harry comments.
Hermione giggles and clutches Harry’s arm, “I’ll tell him you told me that.”
They took a turn when they suddenly saw Malfoy and his Slytherin friends and she felt Harry hold onto her hand. Hermione did not want to get this night more tired and worse than it was already for her.
She didn’t think Malfoy and his friend would comment about them as they passed by - she wasn’t even sure if they saw Harry and her. But of course, who was she kidding. Malfoy won’t let a rude comment pass.
“Well, well, well. If it isn’t Potter and the Mudblood,” he sings-song.
Harry pauses in his steps but Hermione did not want to indulge Malfoy with his stupid remarks so she whispered to Harry that they better get going and that Ron and the Patil twins were waiting.
“Well, you do clean up nicely, Granger. How much did that cost you?” Malfoy snickered and Parksinson, who was draped by his arm, giggled.
Fuck not letting his remarks get to them, she thought.
“Well thank you, Malfoy. One more comment like that, I would think you had a thing for mudbloods,” Hermione said sarcastically.
Draco scowled and Pansy gasped and Hermione wanted nothing more than to turn them both to little creatures - a ferret would be nice. Harry snickered beside her and she looked at him and smiled.
“Granger, I would rather kill myself than even get close to dirt like you,” Malfoy drawls, eyes turned into slits.
“Granger, dear, you think too much of yourself,” Pansy smiles at her as she giggles. Crabbe and Goyle laugh behind them as they walk away.
Left behind, Harry squeezes her hand and she sighs and turns to him. So much for not letting Malfoy get the best of her tonight.
“Have I told you you look pretty tonight?” Harry asks all of a sudden, and Hermione is thankful that he is there with her.
She laughs and leans her head against Harry’s shoulder as they make their way to the Great Hall.
. . . . . .
Hermione knew the moment the day of the Yule Ball came that this was going to be a disaster. She didn’t expect to be crying by the Astronomy Tower, though. She gave Ron way too much slack.
She laughs humorlessly because here she was, a day which was supposed to be one of those magical nights or so they say, wearing such a beautiful dress. Merlin, her date was even Viktor Krum! But she just could not for the life of her, seem to enjoy today.
She sighs and wipes her eyes with the cloth of her dress. She probably looked like a mess right now. Her makeup’s all ruined and her hair probably looked like someone shagged her. She giggled to herself.
“If I didn't know better, I’d say you’ve gone insane, Granger.”
She stiffens and looks up. Of course. To make her night worse. Malfoy was standing in front of her, a few feet away, hands in his pocket and he’s basically enjoying the sight of her being a mess.
“Sod off, Malfoy. Where’s Parkinson? Got bored of her already?” she asks sarcastically, standing up and fixing her dress.
He doesn’t say anything but she feels his stare on her and she wants to squirm under the uncomfiness of it. She stands straight and stares at him square in the eyes.
“If you excuse me,” she starts to say, heading towards the exit.
“He isn’t worth it you know.”
Hermione pauses and she thinks she hears him wrong. She waits for him to elaborate but he doesn’t so she faces him, head cocked to the side.
“What did you say?”
“You're crying over Weasley,” he says as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world.
She scoffs and she can’t believe that those words just came out of Malfoy’s mouth, “Thanks for your concern, I don’t need it.”
“Weasley has always been a bit dumb, hasn’t he? Runs in the family, maybe,” he says, checking his nails now.
“As if you’re any better. You’re a git, Malfoy. He’s better than you,” she says, standing straight.
Ron Weasley was infinitely better than the bastard standing in front of her right now.
“Really now, Granger? Did Weasley give you such a good snog that you’re here, hopelessly defending him, while he’s out there galloping away with another girl, that isn’t you?” he asks, voice low and eyebrows raised.
And Hermione does not understand him. Does not understand what the fuck his problem was. She pulls out her wand and points it towards him, a spell at the tip of her tongue. Malfoy only smiles and that makes her want to do it more.
“Go on, Granger. Let’s see if you truly are the Gryffindor you are,” he draws out.
She almost does. She almost does and she wants to. But then she hears footsteps and he hears it too because his head turns towards the exit, where the sound came from.
She lowers her wand and walks towards him and Malfoy turns his face towards her again and they are inches apart. She wants nothing more than to hurt him.
“I’ve said it before, Malfoy. Stay the hell away from me. I mean it. I hate you.”
in between.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Hermione asked defensively.
“They’re after muggles,” he says airily, “I would be moving along if you wouldn’t want your knickers to be shown mid air.”
He says this, staring pointedly at Hermione. Ron was about to say something but they heard a blast and Harry cursed.
“Come on,” Harry says, pulling Hermione by the arm and pushing Ron towards where they were supposed to go.
“No thank you’s?” Malfoy said with a laugh in his voice and Hermione gave him one last glare before allowing Harry to drag her.
THREE.
The last person she expected to show up at the doorstep of Grimmauld Place was Draco Malfoy. And yet, here he was, with Snape. They knew of Snape being a spy for the Order. No matter how much she detested the Professor, she respected him for what he’s doing.
“What… Why is he here?” Harry asks when they were called to gather around in one of the drawing rooms.
Hermione glares dagger at Malfoy. Ron was literally vibrating with anger beside him. Malfoy, however, was just looking downward towards the floor, not caring of the stares boring holes through his head.
“He didn’t take the mark, he never took it. He wants out,” Snape said coldly.
Hermione scoffs in disbelief. There is no way in bloody hell, she thinks. She had never wanted to hurt someone more than ever.
“How are we sure about this, Severus?” Moody asked.
“You could use Veritaserum on him. The strongest one, it won’t matter. He would say the same thing I’m saying now. He wants out,” Severus replied.
No one talked for a good minute. Hermione’s thoughts were running because there is no way Malfoy - aristocrat, bully, bigot, basically a snake personified, would want to go to their side. She thinks this is some kind of joke.
“All right. Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, can you please leave us alone. We need to discuss this seriously,” Lupin suddenly said and stared at them pointedly.
They all reluctantly left the room, not before Hermione stared long and hard at Malfoy one more time. He was still looking down, head hung low, and Hermione wondered when did Malfoy ever lost the Malfoy in him.
. . . . .
“What do you think, Harry?” Ron asked once the four of them were settled in Harry and Ron’s room.
Hermione thought about when she last saw Malfoy. 6th year, she thinks, which was almost a year ago now. He was pale and thin back then, and Hermione remembered that he was supposed to kill Dumbledore but he didn’t. She wondered if that was the reason why.
“I think Malfoy might be on our side,” Harry says tiredly.
Hermione doesn’t talk, doesn’t know what to say.
“It’s just... When did the ferret suddenly have a change of heart? Death eaters got way too many in their Manor and he suddenly wants to be on our side? Mommy and Daddy cannot-”
“Ron!” Ginny says annoyed.
“What! It’s true! Don’t you agree, ‘Mione? Why would he bloody want to be on our side? He was practically begging to get us killed. Always prancing around with his Slytherin minions,” Ron said nonchalantly, shrugging.
Hermione couldn’t see Malfoy as anything else other than someone who always wanted to let her know she was hated - Ron was right. She didn’t know what to think of the situation.
“I don’t know, okay? All I know is he was scared that night. He couldn’t kill Dumbledore. He had this look of… regret and guilt and remorse,” Harry trailed off.
“And that’s enough for you?” Ron asked accusingly.
Harry shrugged and looked at Ron as if saying he didn’t want to continue with the conversation.
. . . . .
It’s been 4 hours since Malfoy suddenly appeared and they still haven’t left the drawing room. To say the least, Hermione was on the edge. She didn’t know what it meant to have Malfoy on the team. It was odd. And weird and wrong.
She went down to bring some food up to her friends’ when she was a familiar figure by the countertop eating alone and she froze.
Draco lifted his head and met her eyes. His body was rigid and only then did Hermione notice his tired eyes and how thin he looked compared to sixth year. She didn’t know if she felt pity for him or thought he deserved it.
They didn’t say anything as Hermione went towards the shelves to grab plates and a box of cereal she had bought for them before they moved here. Malfoy didn’t speak to her. She stole a glance and he was still looking down on whatever is on his plate, not moving.
She is about to leave when she looks back and sees that Malfoy is staring at the spot where she was. She didn’t know what made her ask - maybe she wanted to hear it from himself. Or maybe she was so confused and she loathed the idea of Malfoy being on their side. She couldn’t fathom the idea of Malfoy not evil.
“Did you take it?” she asks him, voice wavering.
Malfoy turns to look at her slowly and his face is hollow and blank and he doesn’t say anything. She knows he knows what she asked him. If anything, the twitch of his hand gave it away. She waits for him to answer and when he doesn’t, she almost leaves. Until she hears his voice.
“I didn’t,” he says monotonously.
She contemplates what to say next. He is still staring at her, face void of anything. She thinks that this was never the Malfoy she knew.
“Why?”
Why are you here? Why didn’t you take the mark? Why did you not kill Dumbledore? Why did you suddenly switch sides? Why were you so mean to my friends and I? Why did you do the things you did?
“You wouldn’t understand,” he drawls.
Hermione is suddenly angry because he can’t expect to not pay for his sins. To suddenly act as if nothing happened. He can’t suddenly be here. He just can’t. He had no right.
“I hate you,” she tells him. And she means it.
He stared at her and something flicked in his eyes and she would almost say it’s regret. She doesn’t wait for him to say anything and goes back to where her friends are.
in between.
The first 8 days of Malfoy being in Grimmauld Place was uncomfortable to say the least. No one dared talk to him, except for Lupin, Moody, and Severus. Ron would leave comments while he was in the same room, calling him a death eater. Harry was quiet, he never really commented on Malfoy. Acted like he wasn’t there. Ginny tried not to care, tried to act like there was suddenly an ex death eater in their base.
Hermione can’t look at him for 5 seconds straight. She hated that he was here - this was the boy who tormented her friends and her for years, called her names, and suddenly was part of them just because he couldn’t kill Dumbledore. Hermione thought he was weak.
You wouldn’t understand , that’s what he told her the first day. And she thinks she never wants to.
in between.
38 days in. That’s when she first talked to him.
Everyone was starting to get used to Malfoy being there. Him and Harry seemed to have this unspoken truce. Harry would always ask Malfoy for his opinion, given that Malfoy was one of the top students in their batch, still. Malfoy would just nod and give a curt and short reply. Ron still didn’t like it, but he was trying hard to work with him. Hermione admired him for that. Ginny was the most surprising - she would be beside Malfoy, reading books, and he wouldn't seem to mind.
It was 38 days in, and they were planning for another mission and for the first time, officially, Malfoy was part of the team.
“Don’t fuck this up, Malfoy,” was what she told him when they were beside each other at the drawing room.
She didn’t look at him when she said that but she felt him look at her for seconds, before he scoffs and looks forward again.
“You wound me, Granger.”
in between.
She doesn’t know how it starts. She thinks it’s the more they get sent out to the same mission. He would curse at her for something stupid, she would get angry at him for not complying with her orders. He would call her a stupid know it all, she would call him a self righteous git. It’s been 5 months since Malfoy has joined them, and to say the least, as much as she would not like to admit it, their team has been better. He was a good strategist, he was good with potions, he was good with spells, too.
“Granger, that plan won’t work.”
They are in the meeting room now, Harry, Malfoy, and her as they plan on another hunt to find Horcruxes or anything that would be helpful to them at this point.
“Why not? We have the potions we need. Plus, Harry, Ron, and I have been to the Shrieking Shack before. We know the places surrounding it, too,” she rebuttals.
“Yes, but you do seem to forget there’s Death Eaters surrounding the place. A simple Polyjuice potion and Apparition won’t work. Everything’s being guarded more by them. Especially since we were able to break in Gringotts last time,” he draws out.
She hates to admit it but he’s right. She sighs frustrated and Harry gives her a wry smile.
“What do you think we can do then, Malfoy?” Harry asks.
Malfoy smirks before drawing out a plan.
in between.
Malfoy gained her trust. It’s been a year and Malfoy has been good on the team. They were doing more progress than ever, though whatever old system the Order had was literally burned to the ground.
More Slytherins also defected - which took Hermione by surprise. Pansy Parkinson, Blaise Zabini, Theodore Nott. They were all new recruits during the year and as much as Hermione does not want to say it, they’ve been a big help.
“You know, you aren’t so bad yourself, Granger.”
They were at the backyard of the Burrow, everyone agreed to at least take the night off and just be themselves for a while. Firewhiskey was present, Molly’s cooking was spectacular. What Hermione would remember until the end though would be the Slytherins present in a Weasley’s home. She giggled at tha.t
She looks at the man beside him and he is far from the man he was a year ago. Far from the boy she knew almost 7 years ago. She wonders how much change a person can go through.
“Of course I’m not, Malfoy,” she smiles at him.
He just rolls his eyes at her and drinks his glass of firewhiskey.
“So, Harry and Pansy,” she starts.
Malfoy chokes on his drink and she laughs, throwing her head back. Malfoy glares at her before wiping his clothes with what spilled on him.
“Yeah well, didn’t see that coming, did you,” he asks. Hermione just shrugged. She was happy for Harry, really.
“No, but we’re in a war. Nothing surprises me anymore. We take what we can take.”
She did not know why it was so quick for Harry and Pansy to get over whatever happened back in school but they did. And Harry was happy. That’s all that mattered for her.
“What about you?” he asks her, staring.
She looks at him and gives him a look that says you're ridiculous . “We’re in a war, Malfoy. I hardly know anyone else aside from the Order. Plus, it would be too much.”
Malfoy just hums and they sit in silence. She doesn’t know why but sitting beside him, outside the Burrow, just the two of them, both as Order members, made her heart ache. She wondered that if maybe they grew up differently than how they did in Hogwarts, there wouldn’t be any war at all.
“You’re thinking,” he says and she looks at him.
“You know,” she starts and she blames it on the Firewhiskey for whatever she was going to say next.
“Thank you. For joining our side and really just, trusting us. It must have been hard”, she swallows, forcing herself not to look at him.
“And you were brave, you know. I still don’t understand why. I don’t think I want to either way. But…” she wanted to say more but Malfoy and her weren’t friends per se. They haven’t crossed that line.
She finally turns towards him and he just stares at her, a look she cannot describe on his face. She smiled at him tightly before looking away.
“Thank you, Malfoy,” she tells him then.
Whatever he was going to say was drowned when Harry called the 2 of them to go in. Though she got the message though, when they were sitting beside each other as they all sat in the Weasley’s dining room, he reached out below to hold her hand.
FOUR.
He came home bleeding.
She heard the pop of Apparition and she suddenly stood up, her chair scraping against the floor harshly. Harry, Ron, Draco, and Ginny had come home from the Manor.
She sighed when she saw all of them - she was so scared for all of them. This was by far the life threatening mission they had to go to. She didn’t want them to go, she wanted to be there. But Draco had gone instead of her. She was still angry about it - for whatever reason, she didn't want to say anything.
“Hi,” Harry said raggedly.
Hermione immediately went to him and hugged him. Harry brought her closer and rubbed soothing circles on her back.
“Potter?” came Pansy’s voice from the stairway.
She pulled away and heard Harry say hey, Pans and Pansy came barreling to him.
“How was it,” she asked warily.
Harry had said that one of the Horcruxes was in Malfoy Manor, or if not, at least a key to the Horcrux was there. It was originally the Golden Trio plus Ginny who was supposed to go, but then, with Malfoy being here with them now, it was a better idea for him to be part of it. Which Hermione agreed to. Until he kicked her out of the mission team.
Harry smiled and Hermione held her breath.
“We didn’t find it, but we found information as to where it is and how we can retrieve it. Malfoy and Ginny took home some artifacts and books that may be helpful, too. Thankfully, the Polyjuice potion you used worked like magic, 'Mione.”
She sighed a breath of relief. At least the mission was fruitful.
“Yeah, but then Ron over here,” Ginny pointed at her brother in which Ron smiled sheepishly, blood dripping from his forehead, “suddenly blew cover. Luckily, we were at the dungeons that time and only a few low death eaters were there. A simple Avada did the trick for them. Plus, Malfoy was pretty good, too.”
Hermione nodded, avoiding the stare of Malfoy.
“You guys should wash up. You’re all bloody. Plus, we need to discuss what we need to do with what you found in the Manor. We don’t have time,” Hemione sighed.
“Merlin, give me a break,” Draco said before walking upstairs, probably to clean himself.
Hermione glared at the spot where he was and Ron just coughed, excusing himself saying he needed to tend to his wounds. Hermione gave him a weak smile and told him to patch up. Harry and Pansy already headed upstairs, and she was left alone with Ginny.
She sat back down on the chair she was sitting on and Ginny approached her and sat on the table.
“I was so scared, you know? I thought one of you guys would not make it,” Hermione says sadly as she rubs her eyes.
The war has taken a toll on everyone, and it doesn’t help that she and her friends risk their lives everyday to put a stop to the damned chaos. Ginny just nods in understanding and pats her head.
“I know, Mione. Thank you, by the way. Your Polyjuice potion was brilliant,” Ginny told her.
She just shrugged and asked Ginny to recount to her everything that had happened in which Ginny did. Ginny had a scar on her arm, a long gash of wound, it was when one of the death eaters tried to stab her when they were escaping. Hermione could only cringe.
“You know, Mione,” Ginny suddenly started as she stood up, preparing to go to Cho’s and her room to wash up, “I think Malfoy has a reason why he kicked you out of the team today.”
She stiffened and looked at her pointedly, “Ginny, you know-”
“Just,” her friend sighed, “talk to him. There’s so much we lost and will lose in the war, this won’t be something worth losing.”
Ginny gives her one last look before leaving her alone.
. . . . .
She waits for everyone to leave the drawing room before she approaches him. Ginny gives her a look and she just smiles at her and Ginny nods in understanding. He was looking at her as she stood up, expecting her to exit as well. A look of surprise crosses his face before he quickly shuts it down as she approaches him and sits beside him.
They sat in silence for what felt like forever before she clears her throat.
“How’s your wound?” she asks him, turning to face towards him to get a better look of the scar that is etched across his face, from his eyebrows towards his lips.
He quirked an eyebrow at her, not answering her. She sighed frustratedly, going straight to the point.
“Why did you not let me be part of the team? You know I’m capable.”
He laughs at first, and she waits impatiently, staring at him in annoyance.
“My wound is fine, Granger, thank you for asking,” he says before standing up and leaving the room.
Hermione stares at him in disbelief, before following him outside and pulls him by the arm to face her.
“Malfoy,” she grits out.
“Oh, it’s Malfoy now?” he asks, crossing his arms.
“Malfoy, just answer the damn question.”
“Say my name, first.”
She takes a pause and looks at him, eyes questioning. He doesn’t relent but keeps his eyes hard and focused on her.
“Malfoy, I am not playing games with you. What you did pissed me the fuck off and-”
“I hate it when you call me Malfoy. It makes me think you don’t like me,” he tells her in all seriousness.
She was stunned and she is rooted in her place. He just stares at her and she doesn’t know what to say because she is lost for words because there is no way in hell he’d think she doesn’t like him. No way anyone would even think that. She thinks she is being painfully obvious.
She stares at him long and hard before sighing and rubbing her face with her hands, “Draco…”
“I didn’t want you to get hurt,” he suddenly says, looking away.
It takes 10 seconds for Hermione to register what he said and when it does she is angry and all she feels is betrayal and hurt.
“What the fuck? That’s it? That’s the fucking reason why you kicked me out of the fucking team?” she seethes.
He is calm when he tells her that the original plan was 4 people, and since he joined the team, she was his choice. He doesn’t elaborate further and she is angry all over.
“What the fuck are you on? I am fucking capable of taking care of myself and handling myself. I have been part of the war for 3 fucking years,” she shouts at him, pushing him.
“I had the decision to pick who I didn’t want to go and I chose you. Simple as that, Granger,” he bites, his eyes dark and angry.
He has no right to be angry, she thinks.
“Why me? Why not Ron? Why not Ginny?” She knows Harry was the obvious choice of being unpicked. She loved Ron and Ginny, but this was her pride talking and maybe something more. She wanted to know why.
“Why are you so fucking riled up, Granger? We got what we needed, we’re gonna find that Hocrux, why are you being a fucking bitch about this?”
Right now, they are shouting and she doesn’t care and it doesn’t seem like he does, either.
“Because you can’t just fucking waltz in here, in our side, in our base, and suddenly play hero! It doesn’t get to be like that. I prepared months for this, I fucking researched and studied and stayed up all night with Harry and Ron and Ginny for this! I was supposed to fucking go!”
He laughs humorlessly, “So it’s about pride? Well, news flash, Granger, you can’t always be the fucking hero!”
“I didn’t ask you lot to accept me, I didn’t ask you to fucking trust me when I showed up here. I’m doing all I can fucking do and you don’t get the fucking right to bitch about it just because it isn’t going your way. Stop being so selfish,” he bites back, making sure she catches the last 4 words.
“You didn’t answer the question: Why me, Malfoy?” she seethes.
“Oh, so we’re back to Malfoy again, Granger?”
“Why the fuck do you care?”
She swears she sees hurt flash before his eyes but he quickly glares at her again and she wants nothing more than to fucking Avada him right then and there.
“Fuck you, Malfoy! I hate you,” she rages, “You always ruin everything. You always mess up everything that’s okay. Why the hell do you keep ruining my plans? Why the hell do you keep being in the way of everything!”
She is breathing hard and he is staring at her confused and she hates him so much and she knows it’s more than the mission now.
“I don’t fucking get you! You can’t just do things and expect me to understand,” she says pleadingly and there is a different emotion in her now. It’s desperation and she hates it.
“Granger,” he starts.
“No! I don’t understand you! You suddenly care about me being hurt? You suddenly show up in my room bloody expecting me to wash it for you? You suddenly,” she pauses, not wanting to say what she wanted to.
“I suddenly what?” he asks her, eyes hard.
“Don’t get me started, Draco. I did-”
“I suddenly what, Hermione ? Come on, finish it,” he taunts her, his voice low.
She doesn’t want to seem weak. Does not want to back down. Not with him. Never with him. Especially with this on the line. And so she swallows whatever ounce of self preservation she has and shows her heart on her sleeves. He’s the Slytherin between them, anyways.
“You suddenly kiss me! And you touch me! And you fucking put me to sleep! And I am so confused because why the fuck do you suddenly care! Don’t act as if you care at all.” she screams and she is so tired and her throat is raw.
7 seconds pass before he is pushing her inside the room again, locking the doors, and pinned her against it and his mouth is hot on her. And she shivers and tries to push him away but he keeps her there and his lips are everywhere and she fights but she moans and she doesn’t understand.
He suddenly pulls away, far from her reach and she is shaken and confused when he asks, “Kiss you like that? Is that what you meant?” he asks, his voice ragged.
She is about to shout at him again but he cuts her off.
“You’re fucking stupid if you think I don’t care. At all,” he says and she can feel anger in his voice and his hand is shaking when he points an accusing finger at her.
“I got you off the team because I didn’t want you hurt. Because you just came off of a mission last week that left you that big bloody wound on your leg, didn’t you? I got you off the mission because I didn’t want to get scared like I did the first time in my life when Potter took you home and you were bleeding ,” he says.
She doesn’t know what to say and suddenly the room seems too small for both of them and he runs his hand through his hair and he keeps talking and she wants him to stop.
“I fucking kiss and touch you because I care . You don’t get to tell me if I have the right to care or not because I do. Even if you begged me to not care, I wouldn’t do it. I can’t do it.”
She stands still and he laughs humorlessly and he looks like a villain right now and she wants nothing more than to slap him.
“Got your fucking answer, Granger?” he asks, full of venom in his voice.
“You don’t get to decide for me,” is all she says and Draco just gives her a choked laugh.
“You don’t get to decide whether or not I can go on missions and risk my life just because you care. You caring does not change the fact that I want to go out there and be fucking involved because this is still my war, just like it is yours, it is Harry’s, it is everyone’s. I’m going to risk my life, and that doesn’t change just because you care,” she tells him slowly.
Draco looks away and she sees hurt etched all over and she approaches him and stands an inch away from him. She takes his hand and holds his fingers ever so lightly and he almost pulls away but she keeps it there.
“And you’re wrong,” she tells him quietly and all the anger has left her now. She understands now. She does. Well, she tries to.
He looks at her slowly, eyes pleading and she tiptoes and kisses him slowly and he stiffens but then he lets himself feel when he feels her hand cup his face. She pulls away and he holds her by the waist closer, and she swore she almost cried.
“I don’t want you to stop caring. I wasn’t going to ask you to.”
. . . . .
They don’t talk after that. They head off to her room, just like they always did the past 2 weeks. Talking about them was too much. Too many uncertainties and fear brought by the war. They would have time, she thinks, once this is over. For now, him beside her sleeping, with wound and blood tainting their bodies and another suicide mission waiting for them tomorrow was enough.
in between.
She called him Draco the first time when he came home so pale. He, Theo, Harry, and Ron tried to break into Gringotts the second time, trying to get the Horcrux in Belltarix’ vault.
They appeared back in the base with Malfoy being supported by Harry, while Theo was bleeding badly. Apparently, the snatches caught up to them and hit the Slytherins with a curse. Hermione let out a breath as she approached Malfoy and touched his face.
“You asshole,” she whispers as Malfoy looks up to her and blinks slowly.
“Hi Granger,” he says, trying to grin but failing.
Harry just sighs tiredly, “Malfoy, never do that again.”
Draco scoffed weakly before saying what he did exactly saved their lives during the run. Hermione just sighed as she slowly took Malfoy from Harry’s arms, and led him into one of the rooms used to treat severe injuries. He didn’t seem like bleeding but Hermione could feel the stickiness in his chest through his shirt, which meant that he was probably badly bleeding there.
Hermione was in charge of treating the severe injuries in the Order. Molly and her, with the help of Pansy tried their best to make sure they could at least lessen injuries.
“There, stay still,” she tells him when they reach the room and she sets him down.
Malfoy grunted as he sat down while Hermione rummaged through the shelves of potions and Muggle medicines and herbs. She faces Malfoy again and he is following her every move and she tries hard not to flush.
“What the hell happened, Malfoy? I told you not to get yourself killed,” she said as she handed her one of the potions to drink up that would help him stop feeling dizzy and be pale.
“Well, I am alive so I did follow your orders.”
“Sarcasm isn’t gonna cure you,” she says in annoyance as she instructs him to pull his shirt up.
“If you wanted to Granger, just say so,” the bastard had the nerve to say weakly before pulling his shirt up to reveal a deep open wound by his chest, which was still badly bleeding. and she remembered Harry told her he was stabbed, twice. She cursed as she reached for a wet cloth to dab the wound with. He hissed as she did so and she just held his shoulder there, forcing him to stay still.
“That hurts like hell, Granger,” he says, teeth clenched.
“Well, I should've thought about it before getting injured like this, huh?” she retorts back, getting her wand from her pocket to perform spells on him.
His wound closed but there were so many blood stains and she cringed. It would have ended badly if he was stabbed in the heart by the snatches. Or he would've needed to recover longer. She sighs and she thinks of how she got scared when Harry sent him his Patronus, telling her that both Malfoy and Theo were badly injured. Pansy was there, too, and she told Hermione she could take Theo when they came home.
She thinks it’s typical for her to get scared of people getting badly injured - Malfoy was no different.
“You’re thinking,” he whispers.
Hermione does not notice he had his head on her shoulders, and she suddenly stiffened, her hands still on his shoulders. She slowly removes her hand, but Malfoy took it in his and there they were.
Her standing, him sitting with his head on her shoulders, Malfoy holding one of her hands.
She breathes deeply as she slowly, using her free hand, reaches for his hair and runs through it. She doesn't know what made her do that. But she did. She hears Malfoy let out a breath as she tangles her fingers in his hair.
They stay like that for who knows how long before she pulls away and he lets her. He looked better than he did before. There was color on his cheeks again and she gave him a weak smile before handing his shirt back. He just looked at her as he wore his shirt again, eyes not leaving her.
“Never scare me like that again, Draco,” she says and freezes when she realizes what she called her.
He cocks his head to the side, winces in pain, and tries to give her a small smile.
“I won't, Hermione. I won’t.”
in between.
They become best friends in the Order - well not really. More like partners in crime. Or something like that. They banter, they’re always beside each other. They get mad when the other gets hurt. They fight.
Hermione does not know when Draco starts sleeping in her room. She thinks it was when she almost almost got snatched by Death Eaters. If it weren’t for Blaise, she would have been. He barged in her room as she was tending to her wounds, shouting at her - calling her stupid and selfish, cursing her. She retaliated, saying that she was fucking alive and here and him getting angry would not do anything. They fight for who knows how long before she reaches out to him, his hands in hers and he freezes. She pulled him towards her bed, and he was just looking at her the entire time.
“I’m tired, we can talk about it tomorrow. You can yell at me all you want,” she tells him tiredly.
He looks at her for a long while before he grunts, and he slips beside her. It was the first time they slept beside each other.
Neither mentioned how he held onto Hermione so close and tight that night.
in between.
“Do your parents know?”
She looks at him and shakes her head, “I obliviated them.”
They were outside the Burrow right now, and it reminded her of when they did this before as well. They were told to meet at the Burrow tonight for a rescue mission tomorrow. Apparently, the snatchers had got a hold of some of their friends - name Hermione does not seem to know but is familiar with.
“What about you?” she asks.
He took a drag of his cigarette and she scrunched her nose. Harry most likely influenced Draco with that.
“They think I’m dead.”
Hermione doesn’t say anything but she nods and lets the silence fall over them. She and Draco have gotten, well, closer to say the least for the past 2 years. She thinks they’re friends at this point. Though, she does not deny with herself that he is a special friend.
She never thought she’d see the day where Draco would be her closest confidant. Though they never really open up to whatever troubles them (she thinks they don’t need to, it’s always the war either way), Draco would always be the one beside her, silent, but she knows it’s his own way of comforting. He was always there .
“You think we’ll actually win this war?”
She turns her head to him as he looks at her, too. She shrugs as she tells him that yes, she does believe they could win this war. He stares at her long and hard before he nods and turns to look upwards.
“I don’t think so,” he pauses for a while, “but if you say that we can, then I think that’s enough.”
And Hermione gets him - does not get mad when he said they won’t win. It’s hard to keep positive and expect rainbows at the end of the tunnel when the tunnel is so dark.
“Well, didn’t know you value my opinion so highly, Draco,” she says teasingly, softly.
He lets out a breath and she almost misses what he says if she didn’t listen closely.
“Of course I do, Granger. It’s you. Why wouldn’t I?”
She stiffens and she can feel his stare and Hermione thinks this is unknown territory between the both of them. She feels his hand on her chin, as he turns her head to look at him, and when she does, her breathing stops.
“Granger,” he starts to say slowly.
She searches his eyes, his face, for what he’s trying to do or tell her. And she gets it when he leans in, and pauses just an inch from her face. She can smell the lingering scent of cigarettes.
“Tell me to stop, right now,” he tells her quietly.
She stays still, not saying anything for a while. And then slowly, she inches closer and closes the gap between them.
He is everything she never imagined. Here she was, kissing Draco Malfoy, in the middle of the War, outside the Burrow.
He pulls her close by the neck and she lets out a gasp when he bites her lip and she thinks that kissing Draco Malfoy would be the end of her and not the bloody war.
and the one time she didn’t.
They were tired and their bodies tainted with blood from the mission they were on before coming back to Grimmauld Place. She had a long fresh scar by her chest - a careless mistake on her part. She let her guard down when they were rescuing Dennis Creevy in one of the bases of Voldemort. Someone hit her with Sectumsempra and she nearly dodged it, if it wasn’t for Draco pulling her to the ground.
She doesn’t know when he became Draco to her.
She’s now scrubbing off the blood stains on her body, and she winces when she sees herself in the mirror, the long gash of wound bright red. She lets out a long breath and she almost wants to cry. Everyone was on the edge. The War has been going on for 3 years now, and Harry was almost there - they were almost there. They were finding Horcruxes every damn day, coming up with plans to rescue old familiar faces and making sure they themselves survived.
She hears the bathroom door open and she immediately stands straight, and she knows it's him before she even comes into her space. She stiffens when she hears the lock click and when she feels him behind her. She closes her eyes and breathes - 1, 2, 3.
“Granger,” he says monotonously.
“Not now, Draco,” she says tiredly as she opens her eyes and reaches for the dirty cloth by the sink. She opens the faucet and lets the water run down the cloth before washing her wound with it.
She winces at the pain. She wonders how Draco survived Harry’s Sectumsempra when hardly missing it was already hell. She hisses when she pressed a bit too hard, and closes her eyes at the pain. When she opens them again, she stares at the mirror and catches Draco’s eyes. They were guarded but she knew he was angry. He knew he was pissed at her. They stare at each other for 5, 6, 7 seconds before he suddenly steps away from her and goes out of the cramped bathroom, slamming the door a little bit too loud.
She bites her lips, and continues to wash her own wounds away.
. . . . .
She lays in bed awake, unable to sleep for the life of her. The past weeks have been deadly for all of them. Everyone was tired. Everyone was fighting. There were screaming, sounds of glasses breaking, and crying throughout Grimmauld Place the past week but no one commented on any of it. This was life during the war.
She thinks that Draco and her contribute the most to the screaming and fighting. There was that incident 2 days ago where she had slapped him and called him selfish, he pushed her against the door and called her a bitch. She never felt so much chaos in her life ever since Draco came in. After the fight, she leaves the room and she sees Harry by the couch. He just gives her a smile and she is thankful she doesn’t ask. Everyone has their own screams to bear.
The door suddenly opens and she can smell the faint scent of cigarette and she scrunches her nose in disdain. She sits up, wincing as the wound is still fresh, and the faint light outside enters and she sees his silhouette.
He stands there at the door, closing it and he just stares at her. The faint moon light from the window being the only help she has in being able to make out his face. He doesn’t say anything and she sighs.
“Draco, come here.”
He stares at her long and hard before he approaches her, and slides beside her in bed. The familiar warmth she’s been feeling for the past 3 weeks has blossomed again and she lies back down and turns to her side to face him.
He had his eyes closed, facing her, and she ran her fingers through her hair and she could smell blood and cigarettes and she didn't care. He pinches his eyebrows together, as if fighting something.
“You know, for someone who sure hated muggles before, you’re quite addicted to smoking.”
He scoffed and opened his eyes and the faint moonlight just made him look like everything she dreamed of.
“Blame that on Potter,” he says.
They are quiet for a moment and she knows he won’t speak up first so with all the courage she has left for tonight, she touches his cheek before talking.
“Draco, I’m sorry.”
He stiffens and she feels knots forming in her throat. She hates it when does not expect her to apologize. Hates it when he thinks she won’t fix things for him. Hates it when he underestimates what she feels for him.
“For what? For almost getting yourself killed? For suddenly going on a mission by yourself? For breaking protocol? For not telling me?”
“For all those. I just -”
“You just wanted to do your own selfish thing again, isn’t it Granger? Be the hero no one is begging you to be?” he asks sarcastically and she hears the bite in his tone.
She should feel angry, like she always was the past times these situations happened. She should tell him that she wasn’t being selfish, that she was far from selfish, risking her life to save someone. But she’s tired and there was something in his eyes as he stared at her that made her not want to fight him tonight.
“I’m sorry,” she says tiredly.
She doesn’t want to keep fighting Draco. It seems as if the past weeks, only screams and curses from both of them were carved into her memory and she hates it because they are in a war and she wants something good to hold onto. Not shards of glass and aching throats.
He just fixes his eyes on her, expecting her to fight him and be annoyed and shout at him. She just stares back at him, thumb still running through his cheeks.
“I hate you. I hate that you joined our side. I hate that you’re here.”
He arches an eyebrow, confused at her sudden confession. She doesn’t hate him, though. Not anymore. But spending tonight with him, in his arms - she could only count the number of times they went to bed peacefully without the screams or without the other bleeding to death.
“Is that so?”
She thinks he’s beautiful and she prays to whoever is out there to just stop the war right now. She prays that she could have fallen in love, minus the chaos. Minus the deaths.
“No but I fucking hate you, still.”
He chuckles amusedly and holds the hand that was running through his cheek and kisses the inside of her palm, “That doesn’t make the slightest sense, Granger.”
“I like you like this. Not shouting, not bleeding. I like us like this,” she whispers.
He doesn’t say anything for a moment before he pulls her closer and kisses her deep. She can taste the cigarette and can smell the blood more clearly. He runs his hand over her body and she shivers when he touches her skin.
He pulls away, but he is still close.
“Tell me why you hate me,” he breathes against her.
She closes her eyes when she feels his finger run through her thighs and she almost shivers.
“Before you came here, I had no one to come home alive to. Yes, I have Harry, Ron, Ginny - I have my friends. But they all had someone they promised to stay alive, too,” she starts.
He doesn’t say anything and the hands that were running on her body stops but are still there. The next moment she spoke, she hated it because it was almost like she’s pleading.
“We know within ourselves that more than promising to stay alive to each other, is that we would try to stay alive. I never asked Harry to come home alive, I just trust him that he’ll try to. Same with Ginny and Ron.”
“But Harry has Pansy begging him to stay alive. Ron has Luna. Ginny has Cho. And I was fine without having someone. Lessens the pain. Lessens the burden of wanting to fight. Lessens the need to be selfish, to keep myself alive for someone, not for the war.”
Aside from Draco and her, these were the people who made Grimmauld Place loud with screams. Every night, when someone was coming home bleeding, or if someone broke protocol to go on a mission themselves, it would always be followed by screams and cries. Love in the war was hard.
“But then you showed up in here, and you just…”
She pulls away and he is just staring at her, face hard and she continues.
“You fucked everything up. We were this perfect system - we had everything in order. And I remember the moment you came here, all of that just lapsed because you suddenly wanted to switch sides.”
“You know I meant it that moment when I arrived here. You know I meant it when I said I was done being a murderer,” he said accusingly.
She touches his face and she nods, making him understand that wasn’t what she meant.
“I know, Draco. Gods, I know. I hated you for it, though. Maybe I still do.”
He chuckles sarcastically as he sits up, “Glad to know that’s how you truly feel about me, Granger.”
She sits up as well, wincing in pain and she tries to reach for his hand but he snatches it away and stares ahead.
“That’s not what I meant. I hate you because you gave me a reason to want to stay alive.”
They were silent after that and she hopes it’s enough to convey what she meant. They never really talked about what they were. They just seemed to be that someone to each other. They never tried to communicate about it. There’s no time in the war to talk about these things.
Draco suddenly came into her life, pulled her upside down, and she suddenly wanted to stay alive for someone. She wanted Draco to beg her to stay alive for him. For once, she wanted to be selfish and protect herself for him (albeit sometimes her actions say otherwise) .
He is quiet when he turns around and kisses her, holding her by the face, pushing her back to lie down on the bed, careful with her wound. She arches when he holds her by the thigh and kisses her harder and Hermione understands .
She pulls away to breathe and he chases her mouth again, closing in on her and biting her lips and she moans and she thinks this is the type of noise she wants from them when he grunts and pushes himself towards her.
He pulls away and his lips are swollen and he looks dishevelled and she smiles at him. He kisses her neck and bites and nips and she runs her hand through his hair and she whispers his name.
“I don’t hate you for it. I don’t hate you. Not anymore,” she says between breaths as he leaves trails of kisses on her neck.
“Granger.”
She pulls his face towards her and holds him gently and she stares at him and she feels an ache in her chest and she doesn’t know why.
“I just… need you to know. I want you alive, after the war. I need you to make it out alive.” I love you.
She can’t say it. And he knows neither can he. Maybe not today. But she would want to hear that from him someday.
He just nods and kisses her long, before pulling away. He goes back to his side of the bed and faces her. She faces him as well and pulls him close, breathing in his scent as she lays her head on his chest.
“You need to promise that to me, too, Granger. It’s pointless for me to make it out alive if you won’t.”
She just laughs quietly and he runs his hand through her hair and she just nods.
in between.
“You’re getting blood all over me, Granger.”
She kisses him hard, not caring. She tries to pull them closer and she can feel his hands touch her and she lets out ragged breaths when he touches her there .
“I missed you,” she tells him.
She had gone with Ron, Lupin, and Harry to France for a week, a rescue mission once again. She missed him.
He tells her he missed her too with the way he drowns her words with kisses and touches.
FIVE.
Hit by an Avada. That’s what Harry told her.
She stares numbly at the body that laid on her feet. The War is over. Harry Potter won. And yet, she felt like she lost everything.
She knelt down and ran her hand through his hair like she always did. There were blood stains all over him, his face was wounded with so many scars and his skin was so cold.
She doesn’t know when she cries. She just knows it when Harry suddenly pulls her close to him and she is shaking and pushing him away, telling him to leave her there with him alone. He doesn’t though. And she hates Harry for it.
. . . . .
He was trying to save Pansy when it happened. Harry retold her. Pansy was about to be hit by one of the Death Eaters. As people who were once part of the Dark Side but recanted, they were the #2 targets after the Golden Trio.
She doesn’t say much and Harry leaves her alone in their room and she starts crying again.
“Fuck you, Draco, you told me to stay alive. I fucking did but you didn’t,” she sobs and she feels the pain all over again as she holds one of his blood stained clothes by her chest.
“How the fuck am I going to live now. How the hell am I going to move forward without you here? You’re so fucking selfish.”
She remembers him calling her selfish when she tried to save someone's life that almost cost her her own. She doesn’t think he’s selfish. He’s the bravest and most selfless person she knows.
She hates how he risked his life. Hates how she knows he would’ve done it 100 times over. Hates how he isn’t here now. Hates how she’s now left all alone with memories of him and she fucking hates it.
“I hate you. I hate you, Draco,” she cries.
She doesn’t though. Or maybe she does. She’s angry at him. He told her to be careful. Kissed her before today, made her promise to keep safe. She’s angry at him - he didn’t keep his end of the bargain.
She knows, though, she loves him, too.