Work Text:
Beep...beep...beep
<This can't be happening,> Buffy thought,as she stared past the thick glass that was separating her from the hospital room, listening to the constant beeping of the monitors that surrounded the still figure, lying unconscious in the bed.
<Dammit, why won't they let me in?> she thought. <I should be with him.> Then, another thought entered her head, one more terrifying and horrible than all those which had preceeded it.
<This is all my fault...>
"Miss Summers?"
Buffy turned around and found herself greeted by the sight of the doctor who she had dealt with on arrival.
"Yes. How is he? Can I see him yet?"
"I'm afraid not," she replied gently.
"But he's gonna be okay, right?"
The doctor nodded slowly. "We're doing everything we can."
"Well, what does that mean!" Buffy yelled, the anger suddenly bubbling inside her. "Why can't I see him?"
"It's family only."
"He doesn't have any family. I'm the nearest thing he's got to a family! I want to see him!" She grabbed hold of the doctor and shook her violently, forgetting for a moment the extent of her supernatural strength.
"Let me go! Security!"
"It's okay."
Buffy spun round at the sound of the familiar voice.
"Xander!" she cried, before falling into his arms and sobbing with abandon. "Oh God, it's all my fault!"
"Do you know Mr.Giles?" the doctor asked, relieved that this new arrival seemed less hysterical than the young blonde woman who had brought the older man in earlier that night, sufferring massive head injuries
The younger man nodded his confirmation. "How is he?"
"Like I told Miss Summers, we're doing everything we can."
"Well what does that mean?" Xander cried, exasperated. "Can we at least see him?"
"It's family only," the doctor replied again. "I'm sorry."
She began to walk away, but Xander caught up to her before she could escape.
"Listen to me," he began. "Tell me truthfully - is he going to die?"
The doctor sighed. She hated situations like this. She didn't want to worry the boy by telling him the truth, but she was equally wary of lulling him into a sense of false security by lying to him
"I don't know," she admitted.
"Then you have to let Buffy see him," Xander told her. "Please. Just her, I promise. But if there's a possibility that he could die..." he trailed off, not wanting to think about the ramifications of that.
The doctor saw the earnest on the boy's face and relented.
"Just her?"
* * * * *
Beep...beep...beep
Buffy sniffed back a few more tears and reached out for Giles' hand. Five words kept spinning round her head. <This is all my fault...>
She shouldn't have let him go patrolling with her. She shouldn't have spent so long beating that other damn vampire into a bloody pulp. She should have been aware of what was happening behind her. She should have heard him scream her name, as the vampires attacked him and rammed his delicate head against that wall. She should have...
"Giles..." she began, softly. "I don't know if you can hear me," she said, her voice croaky and tired. "But if you can, please listen to me. You *have* to wake up, Giles. I've said this before and I'll say it again, I can't do this alone. I need you. I need you so much! And I love you. I do, I love you, and if you leave me I don't know what I'll do. You have to come back to me, Giles..."
She whispered his name once more, before her emotions overwhelmed her and she collapsed in a heap of broken sobs. Her body shook violently as the hot, salty tears ran freely down her face, streaking her dry cheeks with mascara.
<He can't die! He can't. Not yet. I've never kissed him. Never spent the night in his arms...Never realised that I wanted to. And I do want to! I do.>
"Don't say good-bye. Not now. Come back to me," she whispered, if not for his ears then for her own. "Can't you just wake up now and tell me everything's going to be alright? This is a scary world, Giles. I can't survive it on my own. I don't *want* to survive it on my own."
She couldn't say or think anymore. Desperation enveloped her again and she let her head fall onto the bed, and the tears fall from her eyes.
* * * * *
She was sure he wouldn't make it through the night. But he did. He awoke to find her sleeping on his chest, small noises of ignorant content escaping from her lips. He had lain there a long time, not wanting to wake her. She looked so peaceful.
Buffy was still asleep when the doctors found him, but as soon as she let consiousness overtake her again, and she realised that he was awake, all the worry disappeared from her face, and was replaced by relief and joy.
She visted him every day of his stay in hospital, and when he was finally released, she played nursemaid at his home, attempting to make him chicken noodle soup, before eventually conceeding that her mother did it better, and calling on her services. While everybody else told her not to crowd him, to give him some time alone, he was grateful for every minute of her time she devoted to him. She made no secret of her guilt and he in turn wasted no time in reassuring her that it wasn't her fault.
When he eventually began to regain his strength and he could move without a wheelchair, albeit very stiffly, her visits became more sporadic, and he found himself yearning for her company.
He sat alone on his sofa, fingering the tender spot on the back of his head where the near-fatal blow had struck. In that one moment, he had nearly been killed. Nearly been taken out of her life. Just a few centimetres lower and he would have been killed instantly, without ever having the chance to do so many things he had always dreamt about. The thought made him shudder, along with the realisation of what that would have meant.
"Giles!" Buffy's voice sang out from behind him, interrupting his train of thought. "Can I come in?" she said, already walking into his living room.
"Of course," he said, standing up to greet her.
"Okay, I got you some more soup. I couldn't find any motorbike and scooter magazines, so you'll have to make do with FHM. There's a coupla nudie pictures in it, but you can just skip over them," she said, the glint in her eyes making it clear that her last statement was an order, not a question.
"Buffy, wait a minute," Giles said.
"What?" Buffy said, dumping her coat on the back of the sofa.
"I have to tell you something," he said, sitting her down on the sofa.
"What is it?"
"What happened to me the other week was the closest I've ever come to death, Buffy," he said. "And it's forced me to do a lot of thinking about my life. A lot of re-evaluating. For a long time I haven't known where my life is going. I've tried to find a purpose, tried to recapture my youth, but none of it's worked. And I'm getting older. It's time to stop trying to answer all those questions and accept what I've really known for years now."
"Giles, what are you saying?"
"I'm saying that there's only one thing I know for sure Buffy, and that's that I love you. And you have to know that. I have to tell you today, because tomorrow it might be too late."
Buffy was silent for a long moment.
"How do you expect me to respond to this?" she asked, eventually.
"Expect or hope?"
"Try both."
"I *hoped* you would say 'I love you too'." Buffy looked at him in shock, before standing up and fidgeting nervously. "I *expected* you to react exactly like this." He joined her in standing up. "Buffy, I'm not asking anything of you. If the truth be known I'm being entirely selfish. But the thought that I could have died without you ever knowing terrified me more than any demon we've ever had to face."
"So you've loved me for as long as you can remember, huh? Why didn't you ever tell me? How dare you just..." she trailed off and turned away from him, not wanting him to see her tears. "You're right, Giles," she eventually said. "You are being selfish. You can't just spring something like this on me and expect me to be okay about it!"
"Buffy..."
"NO!" she yelled. "It's not fair. It's not fair Giles." She grabbed her coat from the sofa. "I have to go," she told him, and without another word she walked swiftly out of the house, leaving Giles alone once more.
He flopped back on his sofa and held his head in his hands.
<Well, that was just bloody priceless, wasn't it?> he thought. <You idiot.>
* * * * *
The room was empty when Buffy got back to her dorms.
<Thank God,> she thought, when she realised that she was alone.
<How dare he! What gives you him the right to tell me all that stuff now, when I nearly lost him. He thinks it scared him, *I* was the one who would have been left behind if he'd died. *I* was the one who would have had to reach deep inside me and find the strength to just get out of bed every morning.>
'I have to tell you today, because tomorrow it might be too late...'
His words echoed around her mind. It almost had been too late.
But that still didn't excuse his actions. How long had he felt like this? She always thought that all those late nights he had spent patrolling with her were from an over-zealous commitment to duty, now she realised it was because he had wanted to spend every moment he could with her. All those times he had lectured her about her sacred duty were because he wanted to keep her safe. All those times he had supported and respected her through her tempestuous relationship with Angel, when really he was being eaten away by jealously.
She remembered sitting at his bedside that night he had been unconscious.
'I love you. I do, I love you, and if you leave me I don't know what I'll do.'
<Who was being selfish then?> she mentally chastised herself. <You told him the same things that night as he told you today. >
This was crazy. Everything was all happening so fast.
<Maybe that's not such a bad thing,> she told herself. <Slayer's don't tend to live very long. If you keep running away from every opportunity that comes along for fear of being hurt again, you'll never be happy. Take a chance, Buffy.>
Take a chance.
* * * * *
Giles sat in his living room, holding a book open in front of him. But he couldn't focus on the words. He just kept thinking about his earlier encounter with Buffy.
<You idiot,> he kept telling himself. <You've lost her now. She'll never speak to you again.>
His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a gentle knock on his door.
"Just a minute," Giles shouted, putting his book down on the coffee table in front of him, before making his way to the frontdoor.
He stood in silence for a moment, studying the person who was standing in his doorway.
"Buffy."
"Hey," she said, sounding a little nervous and unsure. "I, um, I need to talk to you."
Giles' heart sank. This didn't sound very positive.
"Of course," he said. "Come in."
"No," she said, quickly. Giles looked at her in surprise. "I mean, I thought we could go for a walk."
Giles nodded in agreement. "Alright," he said. "Let me just get my coat."
"I've, um, I've been thinking a lot about what you said..." she told him, as they began to walk down the road away from Giles' house.
"Buffy..."
"No, let me finish. Giles, the reason I freaked out before was because I was scared, not because I was disgusted, or I didn't feel the same way. You know, when you were unconscious, I told you that I loved you. It was the first time I'd said it and I guess I didn't really realise what I meant by it. But when you told me that you loved me..." she trailed off, twisting her hands together, trying desperately to think of the right words to say.
"You know how sometimes you spend so long wishing for something," she began, "and then when it happens you don't know how to react?"
Giles nodded slowly.
"Well, that's kinda how this feels. Except I never realised before what I really wished for." She stopped and pulled Giles around to face her. "But I do now. You're right," she laughed. "You and I need each other. You know, I've been through so much pain and rejection and I always used to think how unfair it was for me to be treated like that when I know that I'd never treat a guy the same way. But then I realised that not all guys are like that, and it's just a question of finding one that I love. And that's you."
"Do really mean it?"
She nodded. "I love you."
"I love you too," Giles said, bringing his hand up to her face to pull her close. He closed his eyes and began to kiss her softly. Everything around them disappeared, as they surrendered themselves to each other, all their greatest wishes coming true in that one moment.
" I love you so much," Giles told her. "And I will stay with you forever. No matter what happens, my heart will always belong to you. Nothing, and I mean *nothing* will ever separate us. No matter how vampires we have to face, no matter how many spells we have to undo, no matter how many demons we have to hunt down, I'll never leave you."
"Is that a promise?"
"It's a promise. I love you."
"You said that already," she giggled.
He returned her laugh. "Well get used to it, Buffy, because I'm going to be saying it an awful lot!"
He brought her face up to his again and kissed her, slowly at first, and then with building fire and passion. Above them, the stars which stretched out into the infinity of heaven, stared down through time and space to the two new lovers, and twinkled a blessing on their eternal union.
* * * * *
You ask me if I love you
And I choke on my reply.
I'd rather hurt you honestly
Than mislead you with a lie.
And who am I to judge you
In what you say or do?
I'm only just beginning to see the real you.
And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you till I die,
Till we both break down and cry.
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides.
Romance and all its strategies
Leave me battling with my pride.
But through the insecurity
Some tenderness survives
I'm just another writer,
Still trapped within my truth.
A hesitant prize fighter,
Still trapped within my youth
And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you till I die,
Till we both break down and cry.
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides.
Sometimes I'd like to break you
And drive you to your knees.
At times I'd like to break through
And hold you endlessly.
At times I understand you a
And I know how hard you try.
I've watched while love commands you
And I've watched love pass you by.
At times I think we're drifters,
Still searching for a friend.
A brother or a sister,
But then the passion flares again.
And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide.
I wanna hold you till I die,
Till we both break down and cry.
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides.
"Sometimes When we Touch" by Dan Hill
END PREQUEL