Work Text:
I've been spinning now for time
Couple women by my side
I got sinning on my mind
Sipping on red wine
I've been sitting here for ages
Ripping out the pages
How'd I get so faded?
How'd I get so faded?
Alfred could always remember the pain and screams. The pain that was felt all over his body, the screams from just outside his bedroom. He always remembered how his father insulted his mother, how he beat every breath out of Alfred's lungs, leaving him broken and barely moving. No amount of money, alcohol, drugs and sex could fix his mind. It just couldn't fix the memories of being called worthless, a mistake, a piece of shit. The beatings were even worse. Broken bones, blacker than blue bruises, bloody noses and mouths.
The only peace he and his mother got was when the damned bastard left for business trips, allowing his mother to try and clean and fix the blond as much as she could. Alfred always told her how someday he would get her out of this damned house. He would get a job, find a new place for just the two of them, away from the man that barely raised him.
It was at the start of Alfred's third year in high school when his mother died, overdosing on sleeping pills after being beaten one too many times. That left him with just his shit hole of a father. Even after the tragic death, it seemed like he didn't even care. There was a new woman every other night. The disgusting sounds from the wretched mans room were barely drowned out by music that came from his headphones, blasting anything with loud drums and guitars. It was also around this time when he started drinking, but even with that nasty habit, he kept his grades up. If he graduated with high enough marks, he could get a scholarship at a university and get away from his father for good.
It was no surprise that the disgusting pig didn't come to his only sons graduation. It was for the better anyways. With this, he thought it would end. He got the scholarship he wanted, got a decent part-time job and a little apartment near the university. The school he had applied to was luckily in a different state. It wasn't cheap, but with some help from friends and what his mother had left for him, he finally got away.
He thought he was finally free, free from his past, free from all the scars that still linger on his body. Sadly, that wasn't true. Almost every night he woke up from a nightmare, covered in sweat, panting. That's when he turned to sex as another outlet. Tiring his body out as much as possible, just to avoid those haunting dreams. Some would say that it was a habit he had picked up from his father, but he denied every word. He was not like him, he was never going to be like him.
“Never...Never am I going to be like that son of a bitch!” he would scream at himself, tears dreading to spill from his cerulean eyes, stinging like thorns. Yet he still drank that whole bottle of wine sitting on his table, just to drown out all the voices, all the memories, everything.
Oh, no, no, don't leave me alone lonely now
If you loved me how'd you never learn?
Oh, coloured crimson in my eyes
One or two could free my mind
This is how it ends.
I feel the chemicals burn in my bloodstream
Fading out again.
I feel the chemicals burn in my bloodstream
So tell me when it kicks in
Well, tell me when it kicks in
He had a few lovers over the few years of university. He would treat every single woman with care, never raising a hand to them. But that also ended up in failure. Alfred had become so gentle with them, he got exploited. He was used for his smarts, body, even money. With every new girl, the demands got higher and higher. Turned out they were all in on it. They needed someone who could provide them with all they needed at any time.
So he broke all their hearts. He left all of them, not caring what anyone thought of it. He focused on his studies more and more, almost becoming a shut in. He went to classes, to work, maybe out with his friends once or twice. Other than that, he studied. If he was going to fix it, he was going to do it the way he intended from the start. Making himself better than the man who created him. Making his own company, starting a family of his own, one with a loving and warm atmosphere. Not a cold and brutal one like his.
Years passed and he was on his way to achieving what he had wished for. His company had bloomed, making him millions. Yet he was still missing the one thing only his mother provided him with. Love. He met many women, even men, but there was never anything special. After every bad break up, he came back home, downing as much alcohol as he could without getting sick. Soon it felt like his own blood had become the poisonous liquid, running through his system, turning his eyes red and bloodshot.
I've been looking for a lover
Thought I'd find her in a bottle
God, make me another one
I'll be feeling this tomorrow
Lord, forgive me for the things I've done
I was never meant to hurt no one
I saw scars upon a broken-hearted lover
The missing piece Alfred had been searching for had finally appeared. It appeared in the form of a man with pale blond hair, looking soft to the touch. Green eyes that seemed like two beautiful gems. Skin pale, almost like the first snow of winter. He had fallen for the man the very instant that he walked in those doors, seeming desperate.
Turns out he was. He was just as miserable as Alfred used to be. He sympathized with the man, Arthur was his name. It suited him. Arthur had been in a similar situation, not as the out come of a broken couple, but as a part of a broken couple. He was abused by his lover, threatened with rape and even death. That's why he had ran away, searching for a new start. The pale blond was quite smart, just what the company needed. Hearing that, the spark of glee that shone in those eyes, replacing the clouds of depression, was just mesmerizing. He knew this would complete him, he felt it in his bones, in his bloodstream.
A year after their initial meeting had passed, Arthur proving himself in his profession. Alfred couldn't deny the love he felt for this man. Alfred knew what made him happy, angry, sad. He knew what Arthur liked, disliked and many other details. Their bond had really grown over just that one year. When both Arthur and Alfred finally realized just how much they completed each other, how they healed their scars of the past, how in sync they actually were, they knew it was forever. That's when everything blossomed even further. Two broken pieces making one another whole again.
Another two years passed, relishing in their love, before Alfred finally proposed. 'This is the person I've been waiting for. Arthur really is the one and only.' he told himself as he pulled out the small box from his pocket, getting down on one knee. “Will you marry me?” he asked, hope shining in his blue eyes.
Arthur teared up, covering his face. “Yes.” he spoke the word so quietly, but Alfred still heard it, practically jumping to his feet, embracing his lover tightly. Arthur hugged back, clinging like his life depended on it. As Alfred let go and slid the gold ring on the others hand, he smiled. It was the widest smile he had ever smiled since the day he was born. It was finally done. He was finally happy.
Oh, no, no, don't leave me alone lonely now
If you loved me how'd you never learn?
Oh, coloured crimson in my eyes
One or two could free my mind
This is how it ends.
I feel the chemicals burn in my bloodstream
Fading out again.
I feel the chemicals burn in my bloodstream
So tell me when it kicks in
Well, tell me when it kicks in
Well, tell me when it kicks in
Alfred didn't know what to do. He wanted to scream as loud as he could, until his lungs were dry and shriveled up. But no sound came from his mouth, except the small whimpers and cries as tears streamed down his face.
“How...how could this happen?” he asked, holding his husband in his arms, clothes cover in wine coloured blood. If he hadn't taken his time at work, this might not have happened, he could have stopped this.
Arthurs ex-lover had somehow found his whereabouts and tracked him down. Even if he was the same abusive fuck as his father, he wouldn't let Arthur go so freely. He broke into their shared home and beaten Arthur so, so bad. Strangled him, hit him, stabbed him. Alfred had come home to the man lifting himself off of the corpse, a mad look in his eyes. Out of pure rage and sadness, he beat the man unconscious, calling the police soon after. While he waited, all he could to was hold his dear Arthurs lifeless body close to him, crying.
It felt like a curse. It felt like the gods above were punishing him for no reason. He didn't do anything bad; so why did he have to suffer? Why did he have to see this? Why did he have to lose the one thing he loved in this world? He cursed everything, even himself, who couldn't protect something so dear to him. His hate, sadness, anger ran trough him body, leaving him a mess on the floor as he watched his lover being taken away for good, never to be seen again.
All the voices in my mind
Calling out across the line
Every voice in his head told him to stop, that he could go on, even if he was left alone. He ignored every one of them as he pushed the needle into his vein, letting the chemicals flow into him. There was nothing left. His mother was dead, Arthur was dead, his father had met him one last time just to badmouth him in his face and, he started using drugs, his company crumbled. He had nothing left. Alfred was now just a broken man with nothing left.
He started to feel his heart slowing as the liquid ran farther through his bloodstream.
“This is it...I can see mom again...I can see Arthur again...I can finally leave this hell hole.” he said, his eyes starting to droop, vision blurry. He looked out the window at the stars one last time as his eyes closed...and his heart stopped for good.
Tell me when it kicks in
I saw scars upon her
Tell me when it kicks in
Broken hearted