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Taekwoon has always loved the night sky.
Every night after class, he leaves his phone and its deliberately unanswered calls and texts in his room and instead takes his telescope kit and a travel mug of coffee up to the roof of his apartment.
When he’s mapping out the constellations in his notebook, noting down every falling star he sees, counting down the days on his calendar to the next meteor shower, he doesn’t have to think about the emptiness of each passing day since he quit singing. It’s calming in its predictability, peaceful in its solitude, his favorite form of escape.
He’s been looking forward to this particular meteor shower; it’s the first of the year, and though the January night is bitterly cold, he doesn’t mind. The falling meteors streaming across the path of his telescope are beautiful, and Taekwoon allows himself to feel content in the tranquility of it all.
Then, abruptly and violently, the silence ends.
Something falls out of the sky and crashes into Taekwoon and his telescope with a loud bang. Taekwoon stumbles back, telescope crashing to the ground and his travel mug tipping over, and then a loud voice echoes very close to him.
“Owww! Ow ow ow! Ah gods, why me, wahhh…”
Taekwoon is too bewildered to do anything besides sit and stare. In the dim light of the apartment roof, it seems a human being has somehow crash landed into him. A young man dressed in strange clothes, maybe around Taekwoon’s age, writhes on the ground and clutches his leg.
Eventually, Taekwoon regains some ability to move, and so he cautiously approaches the other boy, unsure what to do or say. Did he fall out of an airplane? Is this some kind of elaborate prank? He doesn’t really know where to begin, but he supposes he has to say something.
“Are you okay?” he manages eventually.
“I think I hurt my leg when I fell,” the other boy says, sniffling dramatically. “I’m Lee Jaehwan, by the way. You’re a human, aren’t you? Well, you should know I tried really hard to stick the landing. I’ve been practicing for months!”
Taekwoon tenses at the boy—Jaehwan’s continued insistence on being… well, loud. And utterly nonsensical. It’s none of his business why he was ‘landing’ on the roof at all, but as long as he doesn’t need an ambulance Taekwoon supposes he can wash his hands of it. He’s about to go gather his things and leave when Jaehwan suddenly reaches out and grabs his ankle.
“Hey, where are you going? I need help!”
The situation has officially gone from strange to downright annoying. Taekwoon tries to shake free, but freezes in his tracks when Jaehwan’s body starts to… for lack of a better word, glow. Like he’s just a shell of a person, and there’s a lightbulb inside him. Taekwoon’s eyes widen.
“What… are you?”
While still on the ground, Jaehwan strikes a pose.
“I’m a star! Ta-daaa!”
--
Claims about being ‘a star’ (“the bright things, not a celebrity”) aside, Taekwoon is positive that Jaehwan is certainly not a normal human being.
In addition to the strange glowing phenomenon, he refuses to stop talking, most of it absolute nonsense.
He’s carrying Jaehwan down the stairwell on his back when he pipes up, “Thanks for letting me stay at your place! By the way, how old are you? I studied up on Earth pop culture because I’m 20 in Earth years!” and Taekwoon ignores him.
When they’re back to his apartment he asks, “Do you live here all by yourself? Does it get lonely?” and Taekwoon ignores him again.
Even when Taekwoon gets his first aid kit out and is wrapping his ankle in a supportive bandage it doesn’t stop—“What are those other things in the box? Ooh, these come in Spongebob colors? Can we get those sometime?” but Taekwoon still ignores him.
Afterwards he lies on Taekwoon’s couch as Taekwoon heats him up some leftovers in the kitchen, and he can hear Jaehwan from the living room shouting, “That smells good! Did you make it yourself? Is that a microwave? Can I press the buttons next time?”
“…” Taekwoon brings him his food in complete silence in response. It has to work eventually.
“Wah, this is great! I’ve been dying to try some Earth food for ages,” Jaehwan rambles on, undaunted as he scarfs down the rice and soup Taekwoon brought him. “Y’know, I’ve never been very good at granting people’s wishes. I’m more interested in being a human and doing human stuff. Hey, have you ever seen One Piece?”
Taekwoon rubs his temples. He isn’t entirely sure why he’s going this far for someone so clearly not in his right mind, but it’s too late. He’d feel responsible if Jaehwan went and pestered the neighbors at this time of the night, plus someone might call the police and turn the whole thing into a commotion. Taekwoon absolutely does not want a commotion.
“Please be quiet.”
“But… you’re the first human I’ve gotten to talk with.” Jaehwan pouts and briefly glows a fluorescent neon orange. Taekwoon thinks it’s more like he’s being talked at than with, but in any case his small hopes that Jaehwan will remain silent for more than two seconds are quashed instantly when Jaehwan starts staring around his apartment living room in wonder.
“Wow, you have so many space things in here!” he points to the various star charts and photographs that Taekwoon has around the otherwise sparsely decorated room. “Do you like astronomy?”
Taekwoon sighs. “I study it.”
“So then you know that there’s a comet coming by in a few months?” Jaehwan asks, and Taekwoon nods tersely. “I can hitch a ride on it back home, I promise.”
Taekwoon stares at him. He doesn’t have the energy to tell Jaehwan that you don’t need to be an astronomer to know that stars are not people that hitch rides on comets, they are balls of plasma floating in space, but he also doesn’t have a rational-sounding explanation as to what on earth Jaehwan could be otherwise.
In any case, it’s too late to do anything about it tonight. He goes into his closet and gets some spare blankets and pillows before shoving them at Jaehwan.
“So… I can stay here?” Jaehwan asks, hopeful.
“For tonight. Keep your ankle elevated,” is all Taekwoon says before retreating into his bedroom and shutting the door.
Jaehwan doesn’t make too much noise that he can tell after that, and Taekwoon allows himself to hope he fell asleep on accident before going up to the roof and this is all just a very strange dream.
--
Unfortunately, Jaehwan is still on Taekwoon’s couch when he wakes up, the tips of his hair glowing slightly every time he exhales. With the excuse that Jaehwan is injured and Taekwoon is tired, Taekwoon decides to delay dealing with the situation just yet and instead goes to work, a comfortable part-time gig at a bookstore near his university campus.
He normally has no problem passing his day quietly shelving books, taking inventory, or even watching the register on slow days, but today he keeps finding himself back in the astronomy section, wondering if he’s just gone crazy, or there’s some other explanation for the events of the past 24 hours of his life.
“Back here again?”
His manager, Sejin, finds him eventually, frowns at him with concern, and Taekwoon stares at his feet guiltily.
“I’m sorry,” he murmurs, and Sejin only crosses her arms and seems more worried.
“Is something wrong?” she asks sympathetically, and Taekwoon is used to sympathy, but not to telling people about his life problems, especially ones like Jaehwan.
“I…” he tries, but he doesn’t know how to begin. Sejin is like another older sister to him (not that three real ones aren’t enough), but even she probably wouldn’t understand ‘a boy fell from the sky last night and he glows and I don’t know what I should do.’
In the end, he shakes his head. “No, I’m just… a little tired.”
Sejin studies him for a few moments, then finally nods. “Alright. Just… make sure you tell me if anything’s wrong, okay?”
Taekwoon hesitates, feeling more than a little guilty; Sejin has been nothing but kind and understanding since she found out why he quit being a trainee, but this is an entirely different sort of problem.
“Okay,” is all he can manage in the end, but after that he does his best to focus on his job for the rest of his shift, if only to not cause Sejin any more worry.
When he goes home Jaehwan is still there, and still sleeping peacefully on the couch, though there are some empty snack bags on the coffee table, and a notebook Taekwoon was going to use for school is now filled with strange drawings.
But at least the extra blankets Taekwoon gave him are folded neatly at the foot of the couch, and Taekwoon notices that the dishes he used this morning are clean too. Taekwoon looks around at the apartment, then down at Jaehwan. He lets out a long, long sigh.
“Jaehwan.”
When Taekwoon gently shakes him awake, Jaehwan rubs his eyes, yawning and smacking his lips as he sits up. He breaks into a grin when he sees Taekwoon, his hair still faintly glowing.
“Ooh, are you gonna tell me about your work now?” he asks, blinking at Taekwoon expectantly.
“You’ll be seeing it yourself soon,” Taekwoon tells him quietly, shaking his head. “You aren’t staying here for free.”
At this, Jaehwan lights up, his arms and legs blinking a bright, excited yellow. “So you’re really letting me stay? Really really?”
There’s a silence as Taekwoon pauses to collect his thoughts. He could have left Jaehwan on the roof, or called the police, or his landlord, or someone, but he didn’t. Taekwoon didn’t really believe in cosmic destiny, but it certainly felt like the universe was saying he deserved Jaehwan falling on him, as if enough things hadn’t happened the past year. And even if Jaehwan is obnoxious and weird, he’s not necessarily a bad kid… it’s just better if he has someone watching out for him. For now, at least.
“I made the decision to take responsibility for you,” he says finally. “So pull your own weight, too.”
“Waaaaah! Thank you so much, hyung!” Jaehwan bursts out and flings his arms around Taekwoon.
Taekwoon shakes him off immediately, giving him the most exasperated and disgusted look he can possibly manage, but Jaehwan is still beaming like he’s just won the lottery.
“You’re annoying,” he tells Jaehwan, but there isn’t nearly as much conviction in his voice as usual, and Taekwoon decides it’s best if he doesn’t think about why.
--
True to his word, Taekwoon brings Jaehwan with him to work as soon as his ankle is better. It just so happens that the small café in the same building as the bookstore was looking for someone to wipe the tables and learn to make the occasional latte, and Taekwoon mistakenly believes at first that him being in the bookstore and Jaehwan being at the café means he won’t be bothered that much by Jaehwan during the day.
On busier days it’s true he won’t see as much of Jaehwan, but most of the time when Taekwoon is quietly reorganizing shelves or counting stock Jaehwan will burst out of nowhere with some random development that Taekwoon doesn’t care about.
“The other guys all think I’m foreign, so I told them my English name is Ken,” Jaehwan says proudly during one of these encounters, striking a dramatic pose with his nose in the air. “What do you think? Don’t I look like a handsome foreigner?”
Taekwoon narrows his eyes and doesn’t humor him as usual, hoping that Jaehwan will go away or at least be quiet if he doesn’t respond.
“I’ll take it as a yes!” Jaehwan, however, remains absolutely undeterred, even when most people would have given up ages ago, and if Taekwoon wasn’t so annoyed he thinks he might actually be a little impressed.
Other times, Jaehwan will show up unexpectedly with sample drinks from the café.
“I think I’m getting better at making coffee, wanna try it?” he says excitedly, extending the paper cup to Taekwoon, who glares at him suspiciously. The last time Jaehwan offered him coffee he made himself, it ended up being mysterious sludge that probably required a hazmat suit to dispose of properly. The coffee that Jaehwan hands him this time, however, at least looks and smells normal enough.
He tastes it with more than a little trepidation nonetheless. It’s maybe slightly burnt, but otherwise drinkable. Jaehwan stares at him expectantly, and Taekwoon forces himself to nod.
“It’s… good.”
Jaehwan breaks into a huge smile and hums cheerfully to himself as he zooms off again, and Taekwoon doesn’t know what he’s so happy about as usual, but as long as he’s out of Taekwoon’s hair for at least a little while he’s grateful.
He’s also grateful that Jaehwan knows better than to interrupt his evening stargazing sessions, though he thinks Jaehwan pesters him even more once he comes back most nights.
Except on this particular night, he comes back from the roof and the apartment is completely, unnervingly silent.
“… Jaehwan?”
He supposes he could have gone outside, but it’s not really like him to do that at this time of night. Things are becoming genuinely confusing when Taekwoon hears an odd noise coming from inside the closet. He goes over and opens the door, only to find Jaehwan hunched over inside it, eating a bowl of cereal.
Taekwoon closes the door. He counts to ten, opens it again, and Jaehwan is still inside.
“What are you doing…?” he manages to ask finally, despite his better judgment.
“Uh, eating cereal in the closet?” Jaehwan holds up the bowl of Special K.
“Why…?”
Jaehwan shrugs. “I got hungry.”
He goes back to eating after that, like there’s nothing strange about the situation at all, and Taekwoon can’t help it; it’s just too weird. The corners of his mouth turn up just a little, and he can’t suppress the tiny giggle that comes out of his mouth. He quickly tries to clap a hand over his mouth, but it’s too late—Jaehwan sees him and smiles too, the ends of his hair glowing a pleased shade of orange as he grins so hard at Taekwoon his eyes get all crinkly.
Taekwoon eyes him suspiciously. “Why are you so happy?”
Jaehwan eyes him right back, smirking triumphantly.
“You finally smiled.”
--
“You seem happier lately, Taekwoon-sshi.”
Sejin says this out of the blue one day as she’s shelving new stock with Taekwoon, and Taekwoon looks at her in surprise.
“I do?”
Sejin nods. “I noticed you smiled a lot the other day when Jaehwanie came by to hand out coffee. You haven’t done that in a long time.”
Taekwoon considers this for a long moment, then nods briefly. “I suppose so.”
It is true, he realizes as they go back to shelving. Before Jaehwan fell into his life, Taekwoon hadn’t noticed at all just how much he’d stopped smiling—he wasn’t exactly the most expressive person even in the old days, but after he quit singing, it had somehow become second nature.
As much as he doesn’t want to admit it, it is true that he has more reasons to smile now, and though it feels more exasperating than happy he supposes owes Jaehwan at least that.
It’s probably precisely because Taekwoon believes that life is finally getting better again that reality decides to give him a cold reminder.
The apartment is quiet again when Taekwoon opens the door.
He thinks Jaehwan is just hiding in the closet again, but when he steps inside the living room he sees Jaehwan collapsed on the floor in the hallway, unmoving.
“Jaehwan-ah…?” Taekwoon feels the blood drain from his face as he rushes to Jaehwan’s side, kneels next to him and shakes him gently.
“Ugh…” Jaehwan stirs a little and groans when Taekwoon tries to rouse him, but he looks deathly pale and feels cold and clammy to the touch. When Taekwoon tries to lift him he’s oddly light, like he’s hollow inside. He carries Jaehwan to his bed and tucks him in, switching on the electric blanket for good measure.
“I’m okay,” Jaehwan says weakly as Taekwoon hovers over him anxiously. “It’s just a side effect of being on Earth so long, I just need to rest.”
I should call a doctor, Taekwoon wants to tell him, but the mere thought of doctors and hospitals still makes him feel sick. He tells himself that a doctor wouldn’t know what to do anyway as he takes Jaehwan’s hand in his and rubs them together, trying to transfer over some of his warmth.
“I’m right here,” he says instead, and Jaehwan nods, but otherwise remains still.
It’s strange, he realizes as he sits in silence at the bedside, how much he wished just a few hours ago for Jaehwan to stop talking, for everything to be quiet again, because now that he has the silence he finds that he hates it.
“You…” Taekwoon says after a while, his voice, his entire body, trembling uncontrollably. “You really are a star, aren’t you?”
Jaehwan only smiles faintly and squeezes Taekwoon’s hand, and Taekwoon doesn’t know what else he can say.
Jaehwan falls asleep after that, but even after his breathing has evened out and his face regains its color Taekwoon doesn’t let go of his hand. Eventually Taekwoon tells himself everything’s okay and tries to sleep too, but it’s useless. Images of IV drip bags and monitors, the smell of antiseptic, the sterile beeping of medical machinery all blare in his mind like sirens, even when he tries to shove them back down, chasing him like an oncoming storm.
--
Thankfully, Jaehwan is back to his normal, energetic self the next morning, but that doesn’t stop Taekwoon from carrying Jaehwan’s bag as they walk to work together, or skipping class to keep an eye on him. He only realizes he’s probably gone too far when he agrees to Jaehwan’s suggestion that they watch a movie together instead of Taekwoon going to the roof.
“This is so fun hyung, let’s do this more often,” Jaehwan chirps happily as he puts on some Japanese horror film on Taekwoon’s laptop.
Taekwoon lets out a sigh filled with deep regret. “No.”
The next ninety or so minutes consist of Taekwoon shutting his eyes in exasperation every time Jaehwan yelps exaggeratedly and clings to his arm. Taekwoon’s never really understood the appeal of horror films; they’re badly written, predictable, and he doesn’t really get scared by them either, which is the whole point. He’s not even convinced Jaehwan is actually scared by the movie rather than pretending to be, but he endures it nonetheless, then heads to bed straight afterwards.
He’s on the verge of falling asleep when his door creaks open and Jaehwan sneaks in, slipping under the covers with Taekwoon and shivering violently while making sniffling noises.
“What’s wrong…?”
Thinking Jaehwan isn’t feeling well again, Taekwoon sits up in alarm, but when he puts his hand on Jaehwan’s forehead he feels normal.
“Th-there’s weird noises out in the living room,” Jaehwan says miserably, his face scrunched up in a dramatic pout. “It’s scaring me.”
Taekwoon gives Jaehwan a disapproving stare. “You shouldn’t have watched that movie before going to sleep.”
Jaehwan’s pouting only intensifies. “It doesn’t bother you at all that there’s a ghost in your apartment?”
“There’s no such thing as ghosts.”
Taekwoon doesn’t mean to sound bitter when he says it, but he does, enough that Jaehwan sits up a little and stares at him curiously.
“What makes you say that?” he asks, and Taekwoon doesn’t particularly want to answer, but maybe this one time it’s best if he says something to end the conversation.
“Dead people don’t stay here. They’re just gone,” he says flatly.
“Hmmm…”
Jaehwan purses his lips and looks at him strangely, almost piercingly, and Taekwoon feels somewhat unnerved. He turns away from him, lies back down. “Go to sleep, Jaehwan.”
Jaehwan doesn’t leave, though; he lies down on the bed too, scoots a little closer even.
“Can I still sleep here? It’s nice and warm,” he says, and even though he phrases it as a question Taekwoon knows he’ll probably have to physically drag Jaehwan out of his bed if he wants him out, which he can’t be bothered with at this point.
He sighs resignedly. “For tonight.”
“Yay!” Jaehwan makes an excited squeaking noise and nuzzles his head gratefully against Taekwoon’s back, and if Taekwoon finds that maybe a little cute, well, he’d much rather die than admit it.
--
Taekwoon is looking forward to stargazing tonight; Saturn is supposed to be particularly clear, but his excitement quickly fades to annoyance when he realizes Jaehwan is already on the roof. He’s not sure how he snuck up there without Taekwoon noticing.
“Go back inside,” he tells Jaehwan as he starts setting up his telescope.
“But it’s so nice out! Besides, I heard Saturn’s going to be clear,” Jaehwan says, a hopeful ring to his voice as he clasps his hands together melodramatically.
“You’d better be quiet.” Taekwoon shakes his head.
“Okay, okay.” Jaehwan puts his hands up, and Taekwoon supposes he can allow it this one time.
The days are turning warmer by now but the nights are still somewhat chilly, so he takes off his scarf and wraps it around Jaehwan as a precaution before sitting down next to him, peering through his telescope at the night sky.
“My favorite constellation is Orion,” Jaehwan remarks out of nowhere, after about two seconds of keeping to his agreement to stay quiet.
Taekwoon scoffs. “Fitting.”
“Why, because it’s bright and obvious?” Jaehwan pouts, and Taekwoon only smirks a little in response.
“Well, maybe I like bright and obvious!” Undeterred, Jaehwan crosses his arms and makes an exaggerated ‘thoughtful’ expression. “Hmm… Leo’s your favorite, right? That’s a pretty obvious one too, y’know.”
Taekwoon narrows his eyes at him. “How do you…?”
“You have a big diagram of it in your room and a photo in the living room,” Jaehwan reminds him. “It is a really nice constellation, though? It reminds me of you.”
“You’re weird,” Taekwoon says dismissively, though he suddenly feels slightly self-conscious as he sips his coffee. Jaehwan doesn’t seem to notice, instead plowing on to whatever random topic enters his head next.
“Did you ever wish on stars when you were a kid?” he asks, swinging his feet a little.
After a moment, Taekwoon shakes his head. Even if he did, at one point, he’s long since learned there’s no point in wishing for things.
“Stars like me are supposed to grant wishes, but I could never do it. Well, no one wishes as much nowadays anyway,” Jaehwan says with a sigh. “Hmm… I’m not really sure I can even make my own wish come true, even if it’s kind of silly.”
Taekwoon looks over at Jaehwan as he fiddles with his telescope, raises an eyebrow. He’s not really sure where Jaehwan is going with this, or even if he’s being serious, but he’s acting kind of strange even for Jaehwan.
“The truth is…” Jaehwan exhales. “I came to Earth because I wanna be a singer. Go ahead and laugh, but I really wish I could.”
Whatever Taekwoon was going to say or think after that dies inside of him instead. He curses himself for going soft, for thinking he’d gotten used to pretending he’d forgotten the days when he lived only to sing. His fingers curl into a fist involuntarily, but he forces himself to relax and put his hand on Jaehwan’s shoulder.
“I won’t laugh,” he says, his voice even quieter than usual, and Jaehwan looks over at him, genuine concern and confusion on his face.
“Hyung…?”
Did you want to sing, too?
The unspoken question hangs in the air between them for the rest of the night, even long after they’ve both gone back to the apartment, and when Taekwoon tries to go to sleep, he dreams again in whispers of all the songs he sang in what seems like another lifetime.
--
Jaehwan is many things, but unpredictable is almost certainly near the top of the list.
Taekwoon is well aware that Jaehwan is something of a busybody, but he didn’t actually suspect that Jaehwan would really pick up his phone off the coffee table when it won’t stop ringing one night. Taekwoon had left it there on accident while he showered, but when he steps out of the bathroom, it’s in Jaehwan’s hands, and he’s chatting animatedly with whoever’s on the other end of the line.
“What are you doing?” Taekwoon practically hisses as he rushes over to snatch the phone from him.
“It wouldn’t stop ringing!” Jaehwan protests weakly, but even he knows he’s definitely crossed the line this time. He can be dealt with after Taekwoon finds out who it was he’s talking to.
“Who is this?” he says irritably into the phone.
“Taekwoon-ah…?”
When Taekwoon hears the voice on the other line, the nostalgia hits him like a punch to the chest. Hakyeon sounds tentatively excited, and he can almost see his old friend’s hopeful smile.
“Sorry about Jaehwan,” Taekwoon murmurs, shutting his eyes. “He’s… not from around here.”
“I’m just glad someone answered,” Hakyeon says cheerfully, and Taekwoon knows he also means I’m glad you have friends, though he would like to protest that Jaehwan is not in fact his ‘friend.’
“Listen, we don’t have to talk about serious stuff, but can we at least talk again? Everyone misses you. I miss you,” Hakyeon continues.
Taekwoon doesn’t know what to say. Even though he misses everyone too, misses them every single day, it still hurts too much to explain to them why he can’t come back. “I…”
“It’s… really nice to hear your voice again,” Hakyeon says, a little shakily, and a knife of guilt twists itself in Taekwoon’s chest because he knows just from listening how close Hakyeon is to crying. “Let’s get coffee together sometime, okay? You could bring your friend.”
This is why Taekwoon didn’t want to talk to him. Hakyeon is just like Jaehwan in that way; give him an inch and he always manages to steal a mile.
“Okay,” he says finally, exhaling.
“I’ll find a day,” Hakyeon says determinedly. “So... I’ll see you then?”
Taekwoon almost forgets that Hakyeon can’t see him nod on the phone. He sighs. “Yes.”
“Great!” Hakyeon practically shouts, and Taekwoon can already see his signature brilliant grin. “Oh, and don’t get too mad at Jaehwan for answering, okay? He seems pretty worried about you too, you know.”
Oh, that. Taekwoon had almost forgotten Jaehwan was still there. He pinches the bridge of his nose and exhales.
“… Alright. Bye,” he says finally, hangs up before Hakyeon can lecture him further. He really doesn’t want to know what the two of them talked about while he was in the shower.
“I’m really sorry,” Jaehwan says as soon as Taekwoon puts the phone down. “I was trying to turn it off, but then I answered on accident, and he sounded really desperate, so I just…”
“It’s fine,” Taekwoon forces himself to say. “I… I’m glad I talked to him.”
Jaehwan shuffles guiltily and looks at his feet. “He said he’s your best friend. From when… you were both training to become singers…?”
He’s definitely going to kill Hakyeon when he sees him. Taekwoon lets out a long, long sigh.
“It’s in the past,” he murmurs, but even to his own ears he doesn’t sound convincing.
Jaehwan blinks at him, his expression oddly unreadable. “He said you were the best one before you quit.”
Taekwoon is through talking about this.
“It doesn’t matter,” he says with finality, going into his bedroom and shutting the door. Even after he lies down and faces the wall, he can’t relax at all, can’t stop the memories from flooding back: the dusty smell of the practice room, the weight of the microphone in his hand, the give of the piano keys underneath his fingers.
It had been his favorite place in the whole world, his sanctuary. And then…
He doesn’t realize there are tears staining his pillow until the door softly creaks open and Jaehwan comes in, sits next to him on the bed. He doesn’t say anything for once, just sits with Taekwoon, like he’s waiting for him.
“All I ever wanted was to be a singer,” Taekwoon says quietly after a long, long time. He swallows.
“Last year, my father died, and I… couldn’t sing anymore after that.”
It feels oddly liberating to finally get it off his chest, but at the same time saying it out loud makes it more real, makes the cold reality sink into an even deeper part of Taekwoon’s already shattered heart.
“Taekwoon hyung.”
Jaehwan doesn’t say anything besides his name as he lies down next to him and brushes his hand against Taekwoon’s shoulder. When Taekwoon rolls over to face him he’s glowing a soft, comforting white, and Taekwoon can’t help but reach out for him. Jaehwan pulls him into his arms, and Taekwoon cries onto Jaehwan’s shirt until every last tear has been wrung from his body, cries until he’s too exhausted to notice himself falling asleep.
When he wakes up, he lifts his head a little to see Jaehwan sleeping peacefully next to him, arms still draped around Taekwoon almost stubbornly.
It still hurts even now, but like this, underneath the blankets with Jaehwan’s arms around his shoulders, Taekwoon can still find it in himself to smile. He rests his head back down, his mind already yearning for more sleep, but not before whispering in Jaehwan’s ear.
“Thank you, Jaehwan-ah.”
--
As is his way, Hakyeon apparently decides the best way to go see your friend after a year is to drop in unexpectedly at the bookstore where they work on a randomly selected afternoon and promptly burst into tears upon seeing them. After about ten straight minutes of crying and hugging, Taekwoon finally drags him over to the café and orders everyone coffee (including Jaehwan who takes a break from washing cups to come sit with them at Hakyeon’s insistence).
“Our Jaehwanie told me where I could find you,” Hakyeon reports cheerfully, and before Taekwoon can give him the full glare treatment Hakyeon sticks up his hand as if to shield Jaehwan. “Don’t be mad at him, he was only doing what he was told like a good, obedient dongsaeng.”
Taekwoon frowns. He wants to tell Hakyeon that Jaehwan is anything but an obedient dongsaeng, but that might lead to more questions that Taekwoon doesn’t want to answer.
“So you two are roommates?” Hakyeon continues on, as if Taekwoon isn’t staring at them both with vague disapproval. “How has that been?”
“It’s been really great! A lot of fun!” Jaehwan nods enthusiastically, and Taekwoon gives him a slightly puzzled look; Jaehwan doesn’t sound like he’s being sarcastic, but Taekwoon is honestly not sure what’s so fun or great about it.
“Oh, really?” Hakyeon looks surprised too, peers at Taekwoon curiously.
“He entertains himself.” Taekwoon shrugs and sips his coffee as casually as possible.
“It must be an American thing. That’s where you’re from, right? Your Korean is perfect,” Hakyeon turns back to Jaehwan, and Taekwoon had almost forgotten that America had somehow become their ‘official’ explanation for Jaehwan’s presence.
“Oh! Yes, my English name is Ken,” Jaehwan says proudly, though Taekwoon thinks that he almost forgot too. “I’m just, uh, visiting Korea for a while before I have go back home.”
“Really? That’s too bad,” Hakyeon frowns. “How much longer are you here?”
Jaehwan scrunches up his face in thought. “Uh… a few more weeks maybe?”
Oh, right.
He’s normally very up to date with astrological events, but for some reason Taekwoon forgot about the comet, too. The last few months had gone by so quickly he barely noticed how the seasons had changed from winter to spring, and now it was nearly summer and already almost time for the comet to pass by Earth. He tries to look unaffected as he sips his coffee, but unfortunately Hakyeon notices his slight shift in expression.
“You’re going to come back though, right? To Korea,” Hakyeon prompts Jaehwan carefully, and Taekwoon tenses involuntarily. Jaehwan stares into his coffee cup for a moment and smiles sadly.
“I’d… really like to. I’ll try my best to,” he says, and Taekwoon lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.
“Good. It’s too sad to say goodbye so soon,” Hakyeon notes, though he’s clearly still watching Taekwoon out of the corner of his eye.
The rest of the time is spent mostly by Jaehwan and Hakyeon making small talk, and then their break is over and both Jaehwan and Taekwoon have to go back to work. Hakyeon follows Taekwoon back to the bookstore, and when they reach the door he produces a business card from his back pocket.
“I know I said I wouldn’t bother you about this, but please take it,” Hakyeon says as he gives the card to Taekwoon. It’s the contact info for an entertainment agency, and on it is a handwritten date and time.
“Hakyeon…” Taekwoon sighs, but takes the card anyway.
Hakyeon crosses his arms. “The company we signed with is having preliminary auditions soon. They’re going to debut a boy group, and they’re really looking for vocalists. You don’t have to come, but… I wanted to at least give you the chance.”
“So you’re going to be in it?”
There’s a pause before Hakyeon laughs embarrassedly. “Well, everything’s up in the air still so I don’t know for sure, but I hope it works out. I’m one of the oldest, so… it’s probably one of my last chances.”
Taekwoon closes his eyes. “Good luck, then,” is what he says, and Hakyeon knows he also means I’m not making any promises, but smiles anyway.
“Thanks, Taekwoonie.”
They go their separate ways after that, but Taekwoon spends the rest of his shift trying not to think about comets, about auditions, about all the ifs, the maybes, the should haves. He feels like he’s on the edge of a cliff with no way of knowing if he’ll survive if he jumps, but there’s a tiny, tiny voice inside him, telling him it’s not too late, it’s not too late to find out.
He shakes off the feeling, can’t quite bring himself to believe it. Not yet.
--
“Hm? What’s this?”
They’re about to go to sleep when Jaehwan picks something off the floor of the apartment, reads it carefully. Taekwoon realizes too late that it’s the card Hakyeon gave him earlier, but before he can take it back Jaehwan stares at him, wide eyed.
“Is this for Hakyeon hyung’s company? You were going to go?”
Taekwoon finally gathers enough wherewithal to grab the card from Jaehwan, stuffing it back into his pocket. “No, I wasn’t.”
“Oh…” Jaehwan’s face falls immediately, and Taekwoon stares at the floor, hoping that will end the conversation.
“Is it… is it okay if I go, then? I have to… to go back that night, but if it’s during the day I can make it.”
Taekwoon looks back up at Jaehwan, puzzled. He’s not the one who decides what Jaehwan should or shouldn’t do; that’s up to Jaehwan.
“You don’t have to ask me.” Taekwoon holds out the card back to Jaehwan. When Jaehwan takes it from him, Taekwoon’s eyes widen a little when he realizes Jaehwan’s hand looks oddly transparent. Jaehwan notices him staring and quickly hides his hand behind his back, even though it’s obviously too late to pretend.
Taekwoon’s throat suddenly feels dry. “Jaehwan…”
“I know I won’t be able to sign with them even if I pass, but I want to at least try before I leave,” Jaehwan says, and this time it’s his turn to look at the ground. “You don’t have to sing, but will you… um, at least go with me? I’m kind of scared to go alone.”
Jaehwan is looking at him expectantly, and Taekwoon sighs in defeat. “Fine. But I’m not going to sing.”
“Yesss! I’m so excited!” Jaehwan flings his arms around Taekwoon in excitement, but pulls back quickly when it becomes obvious how… unsubstantial Jaehwan is, right now. Taekwoon takes Jaehwan by the wrist and practically drags him to his bed, turning on the electric blanket and herding Jaehwan underneath it.
“Wow, hyung, so forward,” Jaehwan teases him, but Taekwoon only smacks the side of his head before storming off to sleep on the couch. He doesn’t know why he ever thought he might actually miss Jaehwan; after all, he’s been nothing but trouble since that very first night.
It’s better this way, Taekwoon tells himself as he lies on the couch. Occasional lapses aside, Jaehwan has mainly been loud, pushy, obnoxious, and more trouble than he’s worth. Not to mention he has to go back, or he’ll disappear.
So, Taekwoon isn’t going to miss him. Not even a little bit.
--
The few weeks they have left before the comet arrives fly by even faster than usual, and just like that, the last day comes around.
Jaehwan quit his job at the café so he could practice for the audition instead, but he insisted on practicing in secret, even though Taekwoon offered to give him pointers. Something about ruining a surprise, though Taekwoon doesn’t really want to know what he means by that.
“Um… Jellyfish Entertainment, right?”
Jaehwan peers at Taekwoon’s phone navigation as they make their way to the site. Taekwoon feels sixteen years old again and incredibly small as they approach the building, though it seems smaller and more nondescript than their last agency.
Jaehwan fills out the necessary paperwork in the lobby, and at first Taekwoon thinks he can get away with separating from Jaehwan there, but then Hakyeon shows up, and brightens immediately when he spots both of them.
“Taekwoonie! Jaehwanie! You both came!” He claps delightedly. Taekwoon should have known this would happen.
“I’m not singing,” Taekwoon tells him quickly. “Jaehwan wants me to watch him.”
“Oh… well, you should come anyway,” Hakyeon’s enthusiasm deflates for only the briefest of moments as he drags the two of them down towards the waiting room where the trainees are waiting to audition. When they get there, there are more than a few familiar faces, and several of the other boys there jump up in surprise when they see Taekwoon.
“Taekwoon hyung! It’s really Taekwoon hyung…!”
A couple of his younger friends from his trainee days, Wonshik and Hongbin, rush over to him first, and Taekwoon shrinks down immediately under the force of their combined attention.
“You’re back? You’re coming back?” Wonshik asks, and Hongbin adds, “So you’re auditioning for the group too?”
“Now, now. He’s just here to watch,” Hakyeon speaks for Taekwoon like he did in the old days, the other trainees staring at the sudden burst of voices with a mix of surprise and vague concern. “Maybe we can convince him to audition if we put on a good enough show, right?”
“That’s, um, sort of what I was planning on doing.” Jaehwan pipes up, and Taekwoon, Wonshik and Hongbin all turn to stare at him in surprise. Jaehwan doesn’t seem to mind though, instead bowing politely to everyone in the small room.
“Oh! Um… I’m Lee Jaehwan, Taekwoon hyung’s roommate. I haven’t trained any, but… I want to be a vocalist.”
“Yes, he’s a new vocalist, he came here with Taekwoonie.” Hakyeon nods confidently, and Taekwoon is grateful that the others seem to at least tentatively accept this as enough information for now.
Thankfully, they don’t really get to talk much more as people start getting called up after Jaehwan introduces himself, but Taekwoon can’t help but notice the strangely quiet, almost resolved aura around Jaehwan while everyone else paces around, going over their routines one last time.
Hakyeon is one of the first called, though he comes back with a somewhat ambivalent expression. Taekwoon thought his dancing was great, certainly improved from a year ago, and he pats him supportively on the back as they sit back down. As he watches the rest of them go, the other trainees Taekwoon knew from before all seem to have greatly improved their skills as well in the year he’s been gone, and he begins to feel a slight pang of regret.
Finally, Jaehwan’s name is called.
“Lee Jaehwan?”
“Yes, that’s me.” Jaehwan stands up, only glances at Taekwoon once before leaving the room.
Taekwoon watches with the others on the monitor in the waiting room, and he feels his heart beat faster with anticipation even though he’s not the one in the spotlight.
He isn’t entirely sure what to expect when Jaehwan takes the mic, but as soon as Jaehwan starts singing Taekwoon is entranced by his voice. It’s quite different from his own, husky and soulful rather than high and clear, but the American R&B song that Jaehwan chose to sing fits his voice perfectly.
Taekwoon listens, chin resting in his hands, absorbing every syllable, every note he can and burning them into his memory. He wants to close his eyes to concentrate on Jaehwan’s voice, but at the same time, he can’t stop staring at Jaehwan’s face on the screen, a different kind of expressive than he is normally, but every bit as mesmerizing as his voice itself. Everything about the performance sticks in Taekwoon’s heart, gets under his skin the same way Jaehwan himself somehow did, somewhere along the way.
The song is over too quickly, and Taekwoon realizes far too late that he wants to hear Jaehwan’s voice more, so much more. He doesn’t even process what the judges are saying to Jaehwan, or what any of the other trainees are saying, too lost in imagining what it might sound like, if they sang together someday.
Then Jaehwan comes back in the room, and it seems the judges praised him judging by the shy smile on his face. He sits down next to Taekwoon after receiving congratulations from the other trainees, and Taekwoon smiles at him.
“You did great.”
“I’d do better with you.” Jaehwan doesn’t miss a beat, and Taekwoon sighs.
“I’m not auditioning,” he says, but then adds, “Not today.”
“Right. Can’t wait till I get back to Earth,” Jaehwan nods, ignoring the weird looks he gets from Hakyeon and the others. And for once, Taekwoon doesn’t mind that everyone is looking at them, either.
All that matters to him is Jaehwan, and he’s only sorry he didn’t realize it sooner.
--
“I think they took the news pretty well, all things considered,” Jaehwan says as they climb the stairs to the roof. Taekwoon has set a timer for when the comet is supposed to pass closest to the Earth’s atmosphere, as Jaehwan has assured him he can take care of the rest. “It’s not every day you have someone come and pass an audition the day before they have to leave the country. Well, planet.”
“It’s because they really want you to stay,” Taekwoon says softly as they go out onto the roof.
“Thanks for taking me to the audition. Really, I’m glad we went,” Jaehwan tries to sound cheerful despite the sadness hanging in the air. “It’s like my dreams really came true for a little bit.”
“I didn’t do anything.”
Taekwoon shakes his head. He wants to tell Jaehwan how amazing he was, how listening to him makes Taekwoon want to sing again, makes him believe he can, but he can’t quite find the words. He reaches out for Jaehwan’s hands instead, and Jaehwan laces their fingers together, squeezing them tightly.
“I wish I could stay and hang out a little longer, but…” Jaehwan trails off, sighing and looking down at their intertwined hands. His outline is growing fainter, and Taekwoon feels his eyes water when he realizes how he can almost see straight through Jaehwan.
“You have to come back soon,” he whispers, holding Jaehwan’s hands desperately.
“I promise,” Jaehwan says, letting go of Taekwoon’s hands in favor of brushing the tears from his eyes. “I promise I’ll find a way back as soon as I can, so… don’t cry anymore, okay?”
Taekwoon nods, but no matter how hard he tries the tears won’t stop welling up again. Jaehwan steps back and looks up at the sky. The timer is ticking down by now; they’re almost out of time.
“Hyung, I…“ Jaehwan turns to him, starts to say something, but Taekwoon interrupts him.
“I love you, Jaehwan.”
For the first time since Taekwoon met him, Jaehwan is struck completely speechless, his mouth flapping uselessly, and Taekwoon can’t help but smile faintly.
The truth is he wants to tell him so many other things too, things he only just realized, things he hasn’t been able to repay Jaehwan at all for. Like how much Jaehwan changed his life, how much strength he gave him just by being there, how he’ll look for him every night until he returns. But all that he said was I love you, because the words welled up from the very bottom of his heart before he could stop them, and even if they aren’t enough to tell Jaehwan how he feels, he knows he would say them a thousand times over if he could.
He tries in vain to wipe his tears away again; he doesn’t want to send Jaehwan off still crying. Jaehwan steps back towards him, his eyes shining as he reaches out to gently cup the sides of Taekwoon’s face with his hands.
“I love you too,” he says, softer than Taekwoon’s ever heard him speak, touching their foreheads together.
Just like that they lean in to kiss each other, tender and achingly bittersweet, and even after they pull apart Taekwoon slips his arms around Jaehwan’s disappearing form and holds him tight while he still can, before the clock ticks down and Jaehwan vanishes from his life for who knows how long, for longer than Taekwoon can bear to think about. He closes his eyes and rests his head on Jaehwan’s shoulder, only wanting to be next to him until the very last second.
And then, the timer goes off.
Taekwoon opens his eyes. Somehow, Jaehwan is still there in front of him, he hasn’t disappeared yet. In fact, he feels a lot more solid compared to before, and when he pulls back, Jaehwan looks just as surprised as Taekwoon feels.
“I’m… I’m still here?” he blinks, his innocent eyes wide with confusion. He glows only faintly with a soft white light that wasn’t there before, and when it fades Jaehwan fully reappears, warm and real in Taekwoon’s arms.
“How…?” Taekwoon feels fresh tears in his eyes as he puts his hands on Jaehwan’s face, scarcely believing he’s not just hallucinating Jaehwan is still with him.
Jaehwan leans forward and kisses Taekwoon again in response, and Taekwoon thinks he gets it—thinks he can accept that things like miracles might exist, maybe, even if he’ll never fully understand it.
“My wish came true,” Jaehwan says, smiling brightly. He isn’t crying like Taekwoon, but there is a little bit of water forming in his eyes, and Taekwoon brushes it away as gently as he can before returning the smile.
“So did mine.”
--
It’s been months since Jellyfish Entertainment’s boy group was finalized, but Taekwoon still wakes up most mornings unsure if this is all just some incredible dream he’s having. He still isn’t quite sure how he made it in despite taking a year off from singing, though Hakyeon being the leader might have something to do with it. In any case, he’s grateful that they gave him another chance.
Jaehwan is in the group with him, of course. He doesn’t glow anymore, not since the night the comet came and went, but Taekwoon will always think of Jaehwan as a star. He tries not to give Jaehwan preferential treatment among the dongsaengs because of their relationship, though Wonshik, Hongbin and Sanghyuk still make it a point to tease him about it, in their own ways. Jaehwan, in typical fashion, says he’s just happy they’re together every day.
For his part, Taekwoon still doesn’t say much at all. Not with his words, anyway, and it’s especially difficult when there are cameras around. They’re already in the middle of filming a reality show that will air once they debut, and instead of his apartment he now lives in a dorm with the other members and their manager always around, and the sudden lack of privacy gets on Taekwoon’s nerves more than he wants to admit. It’s his dream to be here, though sometimes he does feel overwhelmed by the pressure. But those are only the worst times, and they don’t happen often.
The best times are the normal ones, the small moments when he meets Jaehwan’s eyes as they’re singing together, or when he reaches out and smoothes down a wrinkle in his shirt, or brushes a stray lock of hair from his forehead; sometimes, when he gets a good look at Jaehwan’s face, he’ll smile softly without thinking.
On the off chance they’re alone, Jaehwan will smile back before leaning over to kiss him, and Taekwoon knows that everything will turn out okay.