Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Focus your mind’s eye on a vision of the Archetype you need most right now.. Is it a Trickster? A Wise Mentor? Or maybe.. a Mighty Warrior?” 

Teacher Cassie watched him expectantly as he focused, a patient smile on her face. She hardly expected the boy to get it on the first try - she wasn’t even sure if he was old enough to have many Archetypes. But she found herself pleasantly surprised when a bright orange outline formed, slowly filling in as a pencil sketched out the Archetype’s form. 

The tiny projection popped into the mental world with a flourish, shouting a quick “Yippee!” before turning around and promptly running into the door behind it.

Raz couldn’t help but wince, but the paper boy seemed fine.

“Oh, well. Very good!”

Teacher Cassie, while impressed, wasn’t very surprised. She leant down and gave him a gentle pat on the shoulder as the Archetype sprung back up and raced around in a circle.

“You’ll get better with practice.”

Raz didn’t look convinced as he watched his Archetype move around. Something felt.. Eerily familiar about him. Certainly, he was a cutout of himself, drawn with his own art, but still.. Something about how he acted resonated with something that was him, but not.

As if noticing his stare, the paper boy turned around and grinned, poking his tongue out.

“Hello, handsome!”

Faintly, he could register Cassie saying something about commanding his Archetype, but he wasn’t paying attention. Instead, he crouched down and tilted his head. The aspect of him copied the motion, still grinning wide. He waved a hand and it followed. He stood up once more and it joined him.

This was.. Weird. Actually, that was an understatement. Staring at this.. Little Him felt wrong. Like it’s something he wasn’t supposed to be able to do. His fingers faintly twitched as he felt them go numb, the mountains of stress beginning to pile up again as the wrongness he felt in his stomach found itself right at the top, like the final snowflake before an avalanche.

The Archetype seemed to sense this and promptly ran up and kicked his creator in the shin.

“OW-”

Raz was shocked into the present, kneeling down to hold his hurting leg.

“What was that for?!”

“Oh my-”

Cassie started, only to be interrupted by Raz’s huffy Archetype.

“C’mon, slowpoke! I already opened the door, let’s go, go, go!!”
The tiny boy grasped Raz’s hand and began tugging him along regardless of his protests. Teacher Cassie simply placed a hand on her hip and waved to the boys, shouting that she’d see them at the end. What a strange little Archetype…

To say that Raz was exhausted was an understatement. These past three days could not have felt longer, and he barely got a wink of sleep between them. Honestly, he was beginning to grow accustomed to the large gaps of time where he would blink and be somewhere entirely new as the effects of the Maligula fight began to wind down. But he had to keep going, at least until everyone was safe and he’d screamed at Ford until he couldn’t breathe right, until he knew just how much it hurt to know his family hated him because of a lie. He wanted to scream and cry and punch something until either it or his hands broke under the pressure.

Again, Raz blinked and now Ford was talking to him. Apologizing, he thinks. His nonna- No, Lucretia joining in. Their voices sound like they’re coming through a filter, all the anger and hurt bubbling up to fill his head with thick, slimy water. His head hurts, it feels like he’s going to explode-

Something snaps. A rope keeping him tied down finally splitting and letting him drift away. Up, up into the space above. It almost feels like Astral Projection as his body acts on its own, going slack for a few moments. He watches Lucretia and Ford pause, the latter reaching out to gently catch the boy. 

But he doesn’t fall.

Raz watches from far, far away as his body rights itself, blinking a few times. It looks around, as if taking in its surroundings, before locking eyes with Ford. It stares for a few, long moments, before turning on its heel and walking out of the soaked Heptadome. His friends old and new hover nearby, concerned. Milla and Sasha exchange a glance, Lilli worrying over her father as he continues to get his bearings. 

Ford says something, warbled and so, so far away.

His body turns, and his voice is clear in his ears.

“Your apologies mean nothing to me, Ford.”

His voice is cold and flat. He doesn’t sound angry like he should be. He should be screaming and crying and hurting-

‘Shh. Rest now.’

A voice startles him in his daze. Who..? It doesn’t matter. He’s so tired. He just wants to sleep, and something tells him whoever’s controlling his body right now isn’t harmful. They’re just as tired as he is. He should be scared. Perhaps faintly, he is. But the only thing he can think of right now is sleep. So Raz, for once, does as he’s told.

He catches faint hints of conversation - his voice talking to Lilli a short while later to assure her that he’s fine. Talking to Morris about where the Intern dorms are. He vaguely recalls finding a shower, though he doesn’t remember if he got in or not. 

His consciousness slowly drifts back to reality as he lies in a bed made just for him. Raz cuddles his pillow sleepily, clenching and unclenching his hands as feeling slowly returns to his fingers. A quiet groan escapes him. With feeling comes the aches that permeate through his body. Vaguely, he can tell there’s a few bruises on his arms and cuts on his legs. His chest hurts a little when he inhales, but shifting his position makes it less noticeable. His head still throbs with each beat of his heart, though his body seems to vastly appreciate some time to rest.

Slowly, Raz’s breaths even out as his heart rate slows. Before he even knows it, he’s sleeping like a log. Somewhere, something within him distantly smiles.

Chapter Text

Raz did not wake up the next morning.

Yes, his body did, but not his mind. 

She knows her name isn’t Razputin. She doesn't like how his voice sounds, her favorite color is blue and she doesn't like Raz’s reflection. She also hates wearing his jacket, but she’s.. Supposed to be him? Their head hurts. Razputin Aquato was supposed to be present for a meeting with Agent Forsythe about the Maligula incident. 

Razputin Aquato was not here right now.

So, that is how she came to the conclusion that sitting in bed until they worked this out is the best and only course of action.

Their name is.. Razputin. It doesn’t sit right but it has to be. That face is not hers. She tried pulling the mask off and it hurt. So that’s their face. She knows the name she likes and the name they’re supposed to have. She knows she isn’t a boy, but she’s in a boy’s body and their face scrunches up when she imagines trying to explain that to anybody. But then she has to remember who ‘anybody’ is and, well, that’s just a whole new headache. Literally. She remembers helping take control of this body yesterday and all the information came so easily, so why now..? Is it because he isn’t here? 

She groans and tugs at his hair, rolling out of bed again to rifle through clothes that all just felt wrong. They were likely picked for him as a gift, but they’re all jeans and form-fitting sweaters and coats. She wants something loose, something-

She pauses as his hand brushes something soft. Slowly, apprehensively, she pulls it out. It’s gigantic to their small size, but.. 

Perfect. It’s perfect.

The turtleneck she finds absolutely swallows his tiny form. It flops over his hands and completely covers up to his nose in fabric, but it couldn’t be more perfect. The jeans she could take, so long as she had this. So, ever so gently, she put the outfit together. The hat and goggles stay, though the latter sit comfortably around their neck instead of where they usually would, and she even finds some brand new boots to try on! 

She would have to thank Agent Forsythe later for this. But.. A pang of guilt and worry worms its way into her- into his stomach. Razputin doesn’t dress like this at all. She can’t leave until he returns. She can’t leave any trace that she was even here-  

Panic wells up in his chest as she begins discarding clothes frantically, slipping on the uncomfortable attire once more. She still can’t bear to wear the jacket, but.. This will do. At least now they look like-

“Razputin..?”

A gentle voice startles her, a careful hand knocking on the door. Milla. Of course they’d send her.

She finds her voice stuck in his throat as she backs away from the door, crawling back into bed and tucking herself in. Maybe.. Maybe she could convince her that he was just asleep - getting a well-deserved rest after the nightmare that was this past week. 

Someone else knows this particular feeling quite well. It draws them close, memories threatening to drag the both of them under as she tries to control their breathing. She tries to assure them that it’s safe - that it isn’t like before. But they can’t and won’t listen to reason once they’ve already gotten worked up, she knows this.

The door creaks as it’s opened just a fraction and their heart skips a beat. It’s too much all at once and it hits their brain like a power surge, sending everything dark.

Jester knows their name. They know their purpose and their place. And they know it isn’t safe here, it never was. Not for them. This is a life built for Razputin Aquato and they are simply here to keep things neat and tidy while he pursues his dreams. They protect his mind and work silently in the background, always making sure he remembers what happens, but has no connection to it. 

But this time is different. This time they aren’t protecting Razputin from himself. They’re protecting her. 

They’re lying in a bed. Their hands are numb, but they can feel the faint twinge of their other set, missing yet still present in their mind’s eye. They suck in a breath when the bed creaks and bends under a foreign weight.

“Darling.. Are you alright..?”

Milla. Her tone is worried.. Is this the danger..?

“Mm.”

They curl up a little tighter, wiping at their stinging eyes. Ah, she had begun to cry. That’s not good. They hear the woman hum, fabric rustling as she pulls her hands into her lap. 

“Would you like to talk about it?”

“..Mm-mh.” They shake their head as gently as possible, trying to not disturb their headache to little avail. Jester grips the pillow as they feel Milla’s gaze boring into Raz’s head - her consciousness brushing up against theirs gently, causing them to seize up. They can feel her shift a little. This.. Hasn’t happened before. They’re unsure if they have a different psychic signature to Razputin. They haven’t practiced in that area - it was forbidden back home. But if there’s any difference, Milla doesn’t seem to mention it. She simply exhales softly.

“That’s alright, darling. You’ve been through a lot these past few days. I will always be here for you, but you do not ever have to share more than you’re comfortable with.”

Her hand gently rests against their leg. The gesture is warm and comforting, despite the situation.

“Would you like to hear about what you missed? I am sure Agent Forsythe would be thrilled to tell her yourself, but..” There’s a smile to her tone that brings their head out of the blankets. “You and all the other interns have been promoted to Junior Psychonauts!” She presses her palms together, absolutely beaming with pride. And they can’t help but share that gesture as they sit up in shock. They’re so proud of Razputin for pursuing his dream and now, actually succeeding . Yes, they take a tiny crumb of credit for keeping things stable in these turbulent times, but truly, all that ‘hero work’ was Raz himself. He earned this.

..Not them. 

Their gut twists as they realize how overjoyed Raz would be to hear this news. This is his moment, and they’re..-

“ r-really? ” Their voice comes out strained. It’s a task and a half to force the word out, but they have to. “I- we-? I-I’m a Psychonaut?! ” They beam at her and it hurts. When she nods, they throw Raz’s body into her arms, holding her tight as they wet her dress with tears. They try their best to make it sound happy, they really do. But they failed him. Some organizer they are. They made the guest of honor late to his own party. Jester feels like they’ve been punched in the chest as they cling to Milla. She shushes them so lovingly, congratulates them for an honor they don’t even own and speaks of a little celebration that she, Sasha and Oleander are planning to host for the whole group. Words they can barely commit to memory as their mind races, thinking of any possible way they could bring Raz back. 

Gently, a familiar voice chides them in their thoughts.

‘Now, whoever said you were the organizer here?’
They direct their attention to the German accent, now fully tuning Milla out. They send waves of shame in his direction.

‘Shh, Jester. He needs to rest, not be bombarded with worldchanging revelations. Let the Curse settle first, at least.’

He does have a point. They could feel how heavily that news rattled the entire network. They were all so certain they were going to be hated, possibly even hurt .. Well. Those are things for Razputin to feel. They exhale shakily, both within their mind and physically, eliciting a gentle pat from Milla.

‘He is going to need some more time. Can you handle things?’

Jester tenses, giving him a Look.

‘You know I cannot! It would… Complicate things. Not here. With the family, yes, but not when.. He is around.’

They exhale sharply, masking a huff. Fine, they could deal with a few hours-

‘Few days.’

A few days? Yeah. Okay. Sure! They could do.. a few days. This is fine. Nothing is wrong with this in the slightest-

“Razputin, sweetheart?”

Milla’s voice makes them jump, quickly pulling away to look at her with a wide-eyed gaze. She smiles softly.

“I must return to work, but is there anything you need?” She pauses. “Sasha says he can bring you snacks, and that you don’t need to attend the party if you aren’t feeling up to it.”

They visibly relax, nodding slightly as they turn their gaze to their lap.

“Snacks would be nice, please.”

“Of course. If you need anything at all, you know where to find us.”

She gives them one last hug before leaving. They watch her form disappear through the door, leaving it open just a crack. A subtle way of inviting them to get some fresh air. Jester hates the idea of even having the chance to interact with someone wrong, but the walls feel as though they’re pressing on their mind, suffocating their thoughts and, now that they try and focus on it, their breaths too. They remember how to use the Otto B.O.N, even if it would likely double their claustrophobia. But it’s fine, so long as they were doing something other than hiding in a dark, musty room all day. 

They take a deep breath and sigh, crawling out of bed to put together an outfit. They’re lucky that Psychonauts uniforms seem to be optional. Though, they still pick one of the larger sweaters with an alternating blue pattern, and do note that it has a very small embroidered brain symbol on the front. They accompany the sweater with the coat Sasha gave Raz to seem a little more.. On-brand. Apart from that, business as usual. 

They manage to sneak out of the dorms unharmed, flickering in and out of invisibility when they hear footsteps growing closer, and slip into the transport system unnoticed. 

And if they might say, the outside is beautiful now that they have a chance to see it in daylight. Industrial, sure, but wonderfully designed. Already they see several things to climb on - just barely containing themself enough to scale the front arch that accompanies the doors of the Motherlobe. They sit, taking a deep breath. The breeze feels soft and warm on their face, gently brushing along their cheeks as they let a contented smile fall on their face. The sun sits high in the sky now, its rays chasing away the hollow, cold feeling in their chest. For now, just this moment, Jester is themself to the world. And maybe, just for now, that can be enough.

Chapter Text

Jester makes it a mission to explore every inch of this Quarry before the sun sets. Sasha does eventually find them outside and hands them an apple and a juicebox, which they contemplate for a moment before inhaling with the vigor of a 10 year old that hasn’t eaten anything other than Dream Fluffs and Psi-Pops for three days straight, possibly more. They leave him rather quickly before he can make any comments about their appearance or eating habits, rebounding off the wall of the Motherlobe, bouncing off a levitation ball and vaulting over the railing. They’ve had quite a lot of time to perfect some moves Razputin hadn’t even thought to try before now. They could see why he loved this place so much. The ability to freely explore the limitations of their abilities is, as he would say, so awesome.  

They’ve also worked out that they may, in fact, have a different psychic signature. Messing with levitation has shown their natural color is a deep blue, but if they focus they can force Razputin’s orange to take its place for a short while. Handy, but still worrying. Sighing, they balance one-handed on the rusted fence by Lili’s garden, staring at the upside-down flora littering the overgrown path. Milla said they didn’t have to go to the party, but it would be worrying if they didn’t. It’d show that something is wrong and people would start asking questions, and perhaps that’s even worse than having to spend a straight hour conversing with a large group of people. A large group that only just had to deal with the Grand Head of their organization having his brain stolen right under their noses… And, well, it’s not like they haven’t lost their brain before, so…

Jester lets out a groan as they slowly right themself, balancing on the old, metal pole before leaping down to the conveniently placed concrete pillar. They’re going to have to do this, just for a little while. That incident earlier scared everyone else away and… They run a thumb over the knuckles of Raz’s gloves. This is their job. They’re supposed to protect everyone, even if it means talking and going to parties undercover as Raz. They take a deep breath, steeling themself, before turning around and-

“Raz? What’re you doing out here?”

God they wish they were old enough to swear. They whip around wide-eyed, looking at the source of the voice. Lili stands with her hands on her hips, staring down from the balcony of the Motherlobe.

“Don’t you have a party or something to go to?”

They swallow dryly, flexing their hands a few times to lessen the tingling feeling before they respond. “O-Oh! I was just- Practicing! My acrobatics!” They glance up, tensing when they see the sky already turning orange with the setting sun. “Oh jeez, is it that late already?!” 

They feel Lili’s gaze boring into their skull. “Uh, yeah? Milla said you weren’t feeling too good and I’ve been looking everywhere for you!” She puffs her cheeks out in frustration, crossing her arms. “Are you avoiding me or something? If this is about my dad and stuff, we can talk about it.” She glances down at her feet, eyebrows knitting together.

“N-No, no! I’m sorry. I just.. I needed to get outside for a while to think about stuff.” And that isn’t necessarily a lie, they really did intend to get some alone time for thinking. But the last thing they want is to talk to someone as close to Raz as Lili is. “Sorry if I worried you.”

She sighs, but relaxes at the answer. Jester lets out a squeak as something picks them up by their collar and drops them next to Lili. “You’re so dumb, you know that?” Her words betray the little smile that creeps onto her face. They give a meek smile in return, resting a hand on the bag at their side.

“Yeah, I know. C’mon, we have a party to go to, right?” They begin heading back toward the Motherlobe’s front doors, not quite noticing the way Lili’s gaze lingers on the bag, not thinking about how Raz would never wear a bag at his side, how it’s always been strapped firmly to his back. They have a vice grip on it, though, trying to contain the twisting in their stomach. An hour and a half. That’s an acceptable time to remain at a party. That’s all they have to endure. 

It’ll be fine.

Jester tugs at Raz’s turtleneck awkwardly, finding the minute lines between the floor tiles being absolutely fascinating right now. The party was already in full swing when they and Lili made their way into the ‘Ex-Intern’ wing from the Atrium. They thought the sign was a bit much, but this was certainly a night of celebration, so who are they to judge?

Everyone was thrilled at their appearance, bar Norma, who still had an unspoken distaste for Razputin for some reason. They decided to not think about it too hard. The cake was tasty, apparently baked by Sasha himself, and the garish decorating was the work of Coach Oleander. Little streamers hung from the walls, lights and ceiling, the walls were clearly decorated with ‘Happy Birthday’ streamers, but ‘Birthday’ had been replaced with ‘Promotion’, and it likely wasn’t the first time they’d been used for this type of event.

It’s a small party, by the usual standards, but the noise still grates on their ears. The voices and thoughts swimming around in their head feels like a snow globe being constantly shaken, never allowed to settle and just enjoy the moment. Every time they sit to take a breather, someone finds their way over to strike up conversation. They tug at their gloves as they listen to Sam prattle on about how all the animals seem to have left the Questionable Area? now that Summer is rolling around. Their hands reach for anything they can find to hold - wrapping around Razputin’s bag strap in a vice grip. They nod along, trying with all their might to focus on her words as their head fills with cotton. Something breaks through the trance, just briefly, though.

“I’ve seen you talk to Harold. You guys buddies or something?”

Jester hums, their voice sounding distant. They hardly even notice it, but their words come out as barely above a mumble. “ Mm. Rescued him from an underwater plane while getting Truman out of the Rhombus of Ruin. Used a flea from Harold to fix Lili’s music box so she’d stop hitting nukes with a hammer, then I had to convince Sasha aliens weren’t real..” They blink slowly, trying hard to keep saying it was their doing, not Razputin’s. Their voice slowly trails off into nothingness, though, as the colors around them begin to blur together, the numbness present in their hands from earlier leaking into the rest of Raz’s body. Shapes move in front of them, a pale-ish green contrasted by orange-like brown. 

Lines dance in their vision but nothing sticks. Slowly, they become aware of how distant the world feels. Faintly, party noises and thoughts of the guests still worm their way in even here, a burst of worry tying itself into knots close by.

Worry..? Was this not a party, why would someone..

“Raz? Kid?”

A girl’s voice, hushed to not bring attention but still loud enough to pierce the surface tension of the water. They grasp for it, reaching blindly as their heart picks up speed, water swirling as the whirlpool drags them down, hands clawing at their clothes and throat, forcing its way into their lungs. Faintly, they feel their hand wrap around something. It pulls them back, grasping them with both arms in.. A hug. A warm embrace, something Jester themself has never been privy to. Not for their sake, they didn’t need comforting. But they could pretend. As the surface breaks and they gasp for air, the world slowly slides back into place. Jester inhales sharply and tenses, jerking away from the contact. Sam lets them, hands hovering nearby, but keeping clear of their personal bubble.

“Can you talk?” Her voice is quiet as she spares a quick glance to the partygoers. No one seems to have noticed, yet. They try to force a soft ‘yes’ out but find the sound just won’t come. She takes this as an answer and nods. “Wanna go somewhere quiet?” They nod immediately and Sam offers a hand. They stare at it for a long moment and she almost takes it back before they weakly grasp it. The two of them quietly slip out of the room and head to the Atrium, Sam sitting them down at the garden by the ‘Agents’ sign. “Better?” They nod. “Okay.”

She finds a place to sit next to them, still leaving a small distance. She doesn’t speak more, instead looking around at anything that seems interesting. Jester stares at her for a long moment, unblinking. She turns her gaze to meet theirs with the same look. “What?”

They blink. “Oh. I took you out here ‘cause I know parties are a bit much sometimes. Comes with the family.” She shrugs and breaks their unspoken staring contest. “Figured you’d want some company, too, but I didn’t wanna bombard you with questions. Is it better when I talk?” A glance. They nod. “Okay. Guess I’ll tell you about why I know all this stuff,” She leans back on her hands, finding an ant crawling along one of the indoor plants to be quite interesting. 

“My family is super brain-sensitive. Hearing animals and insects all the time, you gotta learn how to tune it out sometimes. Gramps is way better after.. Whatever you did. But Dogen’s just a kid, so he hears everything. Something about psychic powers being more potent in further generations.” Sam shrugs, letting the ant crawl onto her finger and explore her hand aimlessly. “So I have a lotta experience calming people down. It’s not that hard once you’ve done it a few times. Panic attacks, dissociation, delusions,” She watches the ant crawl up her arm. “I’ve seen all that stuff. It’s scary at first, but the person going through it is always way more scared than you are.” She gently picks the insect up and, for a moment, Jester thinks she’s crushed it, until it comes skittering out of a gap between her fingers, now exploring the other hand with frantic interest.

That explains a lot, though. They nod gently and smile, mumbling a quiet ‘thank you’, though half of the syllables are missing.

“S’no problem. We’re buddies, right?” They nod. “Buddies gotta look after each other. And I gotta keep you in good shape for Dogen. He could use more friends.” She smiles back, then pauses. “You wanna stay out here for a li’l while longer?” 

Jester fiddles with Raz’s gloves, looking down. They deflate a little as they think about having to go back into that nightmare.

“Or,” She shrugs. “We could make a party out here. A quiet one.”

They perk up at that, giving her a look that says ‘really?!’

She laughs a little at that. “Yeah, I’ll steal some snacks if you’re hungry.” 

They’re starving. They nod enthusiastically, practically beaming at Sam. They completely forget about trying to pretend to be Raz, the 10-year-old hero of the Psychonauts. They forget about the Motherlobe, the party, Agents Nein, Vodello and Oleander. They forget about any paperwork they might have to do, about the whirlpool threatening to drag them under. It’s just them and Sam, two friends having a party.

The two stay like that for some time, a few worried guests coming to look for them, only to be assured they’re taking a break from the party and will be back soon.

‘Soon’ ends up being right as the festivities are wrapping up and Forsythe is ushering all the teens and under back to their dorms for a good night’s rest before she busts their butts in training tomorrow. And their next lesson is going to be on proper mission reports. How fun. Sam mumbles something about squirrels eating her paperwork before giving a little goodbye to ‘Raz’. It still strikes a cord to hear his name instead of theirs, but they give her a wave and a smile all the same. Tonight would have been much worse if not for her. They’d have to make it up to her sometime later.

As the other Junior Agents are being herded out, though, Forsythe pulls them aside and they feel their heart jump into their throat. She bends down to Raz’s level, her gaze as level as always. “Agent Aquato, I trust you’ve heard the news?”

They beam at her and nod, ignoring the way their gut twists.

“Then I also trust you’ll be a bit more punctual from now on?” There’s a slight tease to her tone, but they still glance at the floor guiltily. She gently places a hand on Raz’s shoulder. “However, in light of your achievements not only in Green Needle Gulch, but also in the Rhombus of Ruin and Whispering Rock, I’d say you’ve earned a few days off. And an apology from me when it isn’t your bedtime.” She smiles gently. “I’ll have the rest of this week’s lesson notes at my desk, be sure to pick them up when you can, Agent. And get some rest.” She stands once more and folds her arms behind her back, taking her leave. Something about the conversation leaves Jester with a warm feeling in their chest. Perhaps they could place their trust in Agent Forsythe, if not anyone else in this godforsaken institution, to look after Raz both physically and mentally for once. Maybe.

They bid Milla, Sasha and Oleander goodbye, giving Lili a quick and uncomfortable hug before heading back to the dorms. With the day they’ve had, they’re already exhausted. Things were much easier in the circus when all they had to do was listen, perform and keep their head down, but.. The exhaustion somehow feels worth it. Like, despite the bumps in the road, the day was well-spent. And they certainly wouldn’t be pushing it with a celebratory movie night. Jester simply waved Adam off with a smile when he held up the Monty Python movie series. They had never watched it and certainly weren’t starting tonight, thank you very much. The group seemed bummed, but they promised another time and that satisfied Gisu enough for her to let their arm go. 

They practically collapse into bed once they reach Raz’s room, tossing his helmet, goggles and bag to the side as they work to kick off his shoes. It doesn’t work at all and they instead just untie them like a normal person. The new angle it gives them does help to work out all the tight muscles in their back, though. They sigh heavily as they feel Razputin’s body finally start to relax. The events of the day still run through their mind as they slip under the covers. Everything seemed to be going well so far.. A few rocky patches, sure, but they almost felt like a weight’s been lifted. Perhaps someday, when everything has calmed down, they can try and talk to Raz. Maybe introduce themselves to his friends. Definitely not his family, though. Jester can live a long and peaceful life having never mentioned a word of this to any of them. It would be too much and far too personal.

They sigh. Perhaps someday, then.. Hopefully someday soon.

Their thoughts remain lighthearted yet bittersweet as they slowly let sleep take its hold, something stirring slightly in their slumbering mind, restless enough to cause a fuss, but not enough to wake them up. Still, its presence is known, and becomes the last thing to grace Jester’s thoughts as they fall into the realm of dreams.

Chapter Text

Raz awakens slowly, swaddled in silk blankets and nestled in the softest bed he’s ever felt. He almost doesn’t want to open his eyes as the sheets rest heavy in just the right places, creating a pressure that feels absolutely heavenly on his senses. But he doesn’t remember falling asleep in a bed like this, and it could be a trap. That thought spurs him to crack his eyes open slowly, reaching up to rub at them sleepily. “Mmh..” The boy sits up, still hugging the blankets close. Faintly, he registers that he’s wearing a nightcap and silk pyjamas. It’s hard to see in the dim light of the room, but it seems to vaguely match his old performance clothes, only with more frills and silk-woven patterns of waves and fish. His nose wrinkles a little, but the room is instantly more interesting. The bed sits right in the center of what looks to be an open-plan penthouse suite, at least he thinks that’s what those words mean. Regardless, it’s a fancy hotel room. It vaguely resembles the high-rollers suite from the Lady Lucktopus Casino, except it has.. Paintings of him..? 

What.

Raz throws the blankets off now, tossing the nightcap to the side as he spots his helmet and goggles, pulling them on without a second thought. His hair sticks out messily from beneath, but he doesn’t have time to worry about it, now on high-alert. His eyes scan the room, spotting a spiraling chandelier, almost resembling a seashell. It’s clearly turned on, but it seems to have no effect on the room’s lighting, everything bathed in a gentle orange hue. It offers him no comfort at all as a chill crawls up his spine. He slowly shuffles to the stairs, keeping one hand on his temple as he scans the room. Where the bar was is now a mini kitchen, containing a microwave, toaster and fridge. The three appliances he actually knows how to use. Some of the couches have been replaced with bean bag chairs, and instead of a TV there sits a miniature stage. It’s.. Unsettling. But he can’t sense anyone else in the room, so he lowers his hand back to his side, anxiously tugging at his pyjamas. Nothing seems to give away the location of the room, no windows or signs. Just a door at the opposite end of the bed. 

The paintings, though… They’re probably the most uncomfortable thing. Each one seems to depict his different emotions. Happiness, he’s depicted as surrounded by silhouettes that look vaguely familiar. Possibly all the new friends he’s made. Fear, he thinks, depicts him wrapped in hands made of water, pulling him beneath the surface. He shudders and turns away from that one. Next is embarrassment, showing him in nothing but the underclothes of his circus uniform. Raz instinctively wraps his arms close as he recalls the hazing ritual. He.. Hasn’t had enough time to really forgive all of them yet. He’s not sure if he wants to. The boy lets out a sigh and rubs his face, ignoring the warmth in his cheeks. He turns to leave, but something catches his eye. Sadness. The background is his family’s circus, and.. The main figure is missing. It almost looks as if a Raz-shaped hole was punched through it. Dread wells up in his chest, and he has no idea why. He just knows he needs to get out of this room.

Raz glances around one more time before making his way to the door, placing a hand on the doorknob-

When it’s yanked out of his grasp. He stumbles back to narrowly avoid getting a door to the face, blinking rapidly as pink light floods into the room. “Hey, what the-”

He pauses as he meets one eye at his level, the other covered by auburn curls. He scans her face first. Is.. Is that clown makeup?

“O-Oh! Um!!” She squeaks out, glancing around frantically. “Y-You’re- Uh! Awake! Hi!” The girl gestures wildly, her oversized pinstripe sleeves flopping around. She seems to follow a pink and white pattern, bar her hat which is bright red with a gold ribbon and a blue flower sticking out of the top. She has a big, frilly skirt and boots that squeak whenever she shifts her weight.

“..Where am I?” is all he can think to ask as he watches the kid(?) in awe and confusion. She blanches at the question, as if the clown makeup didn’t make her skin pale enough. Her mouth snaps shut with an audible ‘clack’ and she pulls her arms close.

“U-Um,” She looks down, seeming lost and frantic. Raz decides to put two-and-two together before she freaks out any more.

“You don’t know either..? Jeez- What, is this place just kidnapping kids or something?” He laughs at that. She just stares, and he’s reminded that his experiences aren’t really a good icebreaker in terms of jokes. “Uh- Nevermind. I’m Raz, what’s your name?” He gives her an encouraging smile.

The clown girl visibly relaxes, exhaling slowly. “I’m Sunny! It’s real nice t’meetcha, Raz! Ooh- Can I give ya a nickname?” Sunny, seeming to have already forgotten her previous worries, bounces on her heels, smiling wide.

He shrugs, laughing a little. “Sure! Just don’t give me something embarrassing, okay?”

“Don’tcha worry one bit! You’re gonna be Razzle-Dazzle! Ehhh??? Ehhh?” She spins around, making a big show of the name choice, nudging him with her elbow gently. He thinks about it for a long moment. Literally nothing could be worse than Pooter , though. So he nods approvingly.

“I like it!”

That seems to be exactly the answer she was looking for, since she wraps him in a big hug, lifting him off the ground slightly. He makes a startled noise in response, entirely unsure what to do. He really doesn’t wanna make her upset again, though, so.. Ah, what the hell. He just rolls with it.

“Heyhey, d’ya wanna tour? I can show ya where the bestest snacks are!” Sunny drops him rather abruptly, instead taking his hand in both of hers. Raz gets the feeling he doesn’t have much of a choice in the matter, but at least she knows where she’s going..? Maybe she can help him get out of here.

“Uh, sure!” He gives a nervous smile and before he knows it, he’s being led down hallway after hallway. Jeez how big is this place? It’s like a maze-

“It’s all wind-ey like this to keep the bad stuff out!” Huh..? He’s pretty sure he wasn’t talking just now.. “Well, no duh! I can read your thoughts, silly! And your feelings!” Raz pauses, only to stumble when she continues to pull him along.

“You’re psychic?” A dumb question, he thinks, but just what is up with this girl?

“Yup! I’m a real good empath, but I can also do some super cool tricks!! Like talking to animals! And- And! If I ask ‘em real nice they let me control ‘em for a while! Isn’t that cool??” She turns back to beam at him. Part of that is… Terrifying. But it’s also really freaking cool. He nods.

“That’s awesome, Sunny! Is it like- A mix of telepathy and clairvoyance? Or mental connection? Can you see what they see??”

“Yeah, yeah!!” The girl carries a bounce to her step now. “I can either control ‘em from my view, or from theirs! It takes a lotta focus, though, so I usually use it on my bunnies when we perform!”

He blinks. “You perform stuff?”

“Uh, yeah? ” She glances back with a giggle. “I am a clown.” ..Yeah, that might’ve been more obvious than he thought. His cheeks dust a light pink with embarrassment before he almost runs into Sunny’s back.

“What is it?” He tenses, scanning around for a source of danger. His companion shushes him, holding a sleeve out while she squints, deep in focus. She stays like that for a few seconds, just long enough for him to open his mouth to question her again.

“Over there!” His jaws snap shut as he’s dragged down a sharp turn with zero warning, almost running into the wall.

“Woah- Hey! Slow down!” 

His pleas fall on deaf ears as Sunny runs, turning every which-way before they finally let go of his hand, leaving him to tumble forwards into a roll. His whole world spins for a few moments, leaving him dazed. He blinks a few times, slowly pulling himself off the floor. “Sunny, what-?” Raz’s voice dies in his throat as his eyes don’t find a little clown girl in front of him. He finds two purple boots, gaze trailing up to find polka-dotted pants, then a pinstripe suit with four arms. Only then does he find the bundle of pink and auburn, sitting on the shoulder of the hulking form, kicking her feet gleefully. Four eyes shrouded in darkness behind a smiling mask look at her with.. Warmth? Raz, however, finds himself frozen in place.

“Jessie!!! Jester!! Bestie! Jestie!” Sunny wraps her arms around their head, the bells of their jester hat jingling. They let out a soft chuckle, shifting the baggage in their grip. “I missed you so much!!!” The girl pouts, releasing their head to hold their cheeks gently. “Mr. S is so mean for makin’ you the head honcho!”

Mr. S..? Raz knits his brows together. Just what the hell is going on here?

“Oh-! And!! Look who I found all woken up an’ wanderin’ around!” As if on cue, Razputin is placed in the spotlight, Jester turning their eyes to look at the boy. There’s a few moments where their expression is truly unreadable, but slowly the eyes of the mask widen and the bunny-ear-like extensions of their hat droop. Sunny picks up on it immediately and paps their mask. “Hey, hey, hey! It’s ok! He’s real nice, right Razzle-Dazzle?” She smiles at him expectantly.

“Uh-! Yeah! I just wanna know where I am?” He glances around, rubbing his arm anxiously. “This is nice and all but..” His voice trails off, shrinking a little under Jester’s gaze. He jolts back when they kneel down in front of him. The voice that comes from behind the mask is soft, but coarse from lack of use.

“Aquato Circus Hotel. Your mind.”

Raz stares blankly for a few moments, trying to piece together what on earth that means. “I’m.. In my mind..? How?”

“‘Cuz you’re sleepin’, silly!” Sunny wiggles down, gently taking Raz’s hand. Her voice hushes to a stage whisper. “You’re not supposed to know, though, okay? Pretend you never-ever saw us if anybody asks!” 

“What? Why?” He shuffles back again, letting his hand slip out of hers. Sunny and Jester exchange a look.

“Well..” She taps her chin with her sleeve-covered hand. “That’s just what Mr. H and the Big Shots say!” 

Big Shots? Mr. H? All this information is making his head hurt. He groans, rubbing his temples. Cracks begin forming in the ceiling, causing little puddles of water to form in the carpet as it drips from an unknown source. Distantly, an elevator dings. “Okay, I- Can I wake up now? I just wanna go home.” 

The two share a glance before Jester rights themself again, nodding to Sunny. “Well, ahm. Sure!” She looks at the giant again, who hums approvingly. She doesn’t seem entirely convinced, but at this point he’ll take what he can get. “We’ll just-”

“NO.”

Ugh! What now! Raz opens his mouth to complain, but another, much more familiar giant pushes the two clowns aside and he finds himself letting out a choked noise instead. A Heavy Censor dressed like a bell-boy, accompanied by two standard Censors, crosses its arms. As he scrambles back, he can almost swear he’s seen that style of square-rimmed glasses before. He gets no time to think about it, though, as the Censors surround him. The larger of the three scoops him over its shoulder and begins marching back the way Sunny led him. He squirms and kicks at it, but it’s no use. Speaking of Sunny, she and Jester stand back, the former covering her mouth in shock.

“H-Hey! Help!” He waves at them, trying to snap them out of whatever trance they’re in. But as the girl meets his eyes, he realizes.. There is no trance. There’s no foreign control. They’re letting this happen, they’re letting him be taken. His fight leaves him with this realization, chest aching as he barely notices the cracks following the path the Censors take. He only faintly notices the dripping water on his shoulder, brushing at it with shameful frustration. His hands ball into fists as he stares at the ground, hot tears building in his eyes that he quickly wipes away. Just another letdown when he thought he could make some real friends for once… Wherever the hell this is in his head. Seriously! Would it kill them to not be so secretive? This is his mind! He’s in control here! 

A hand thumps uselessly against the Heavy Censors back again, earning him another “NO!” as it jostles him a little.

“Whatever,” He grumbles, crossing his arms with a pout.

It feels like ages before he’s back in ‘his’ room again. The Censors toss him back into bed, the two smaller ones attempting to tuck him in before he kicks one of them in the face, sticking his tongue out when it yells “NO”, almost chastising him. He raises a leg as an unspoken threat and it backs up, crossing its arms and hopping back down to the lower level of the room, the other two following suit. They leave rather quickly, the click of a lock confirming that he’s stuck in here. Great. Maybe he’ll just go and melt the doorknob-

“hi raz.”

A voice startles him as he scoots back against the headboard of the bed. It giggles, seeming to echo all around the room.

“it’s ok, silly! i don’t bite.”  A head pops up at the foot of the bed. One eye stares at him, the other.. Sewn over with a button, from the looks of it. A.. Rabbit? No, that.. What the hell even is that? “aww. you’re a meanie! i’m just a little rabbit, raz! what, you never seen a bunny before?” The word has an unnatural bite to it that just makes him back up more.

“W-Wh-”

“who am i? who am i!!!” The rabbit-thing climbs onto his bed, and- Oh that’s not a rabbit. It has a kid’s torso, but a rabbit’s lower body. What the fuck.

“ who am i? he asks! i’m hush, silly! don’t tell me you thought everything was just okay after your run-in with coach?” It bursts into frantic giggles, the stitched part of its face that bears a yellowed smile seeming to stretch wider. “but it’s ok! we’re buddies, ‘kay? we’re both locked up in here, y’know? prisoners! in your brain! can you believe it?” They inch closer, wringing their hands nervously. “i’m- we’re alone in here together, ‘kay? you saw how sunny and jester let you go! they’re too scared to make some changes ‘round here! but-! but you’re the important one! one of the Big Shots!”

Raz swallows thickly, an white-knuckle grip on the bedsheets. “I-I don’t.. Think I follow.”

“ you got the brains t’make a change! let all’a us run around and work together! we’re made to protect you y’know! just lookit me!” Hush’s smile almost seems warm. “i got all the bad stuff so you could forgive coach, right? and now you’re buddies, right?”

“I.. I guess so. He seems to really be trying to make up for the whole.. World domination thing-” He catches himself before he can ramble, steeling his gaze. “Why come to me, though? Everyone else has way more free-roam!”

“ah..” They go quiet for a few moments. “i guess.. you jus’ understand how i’m feelin’ better than those bozos. they don’t know what it’s like t’not fit in! to not have any-.. any happy memories.” It looks down, tugging at their gloves. Something tugs at Raz’s chest. This thing is playing him like a fiddle and he knows it after all the times he let himself get lured in but this time. This time they understand.

“..Hey.” He holds out a hand carefully, offering a tiny smile. “You’re, um- A part of.. Me, right?” They nod.

“more or less.”

“Then that means you’re important. If- If you’re keeping all the bad stuff away, that’s great, right? That’s how I kept going with Maligula and the Rhombus. So I think that means you’re a mission-critical asset!” Raz now sports a full grin, Hush matching it tenfold.

“that’s the spirit, bud!! now, i kinda got a plan, but i wanna know what you think. you in?” Raz nods, sitting upright now, hands in his lap. “okay, here’s what we’re gonna do-”

“..Mr. S..? Y’wanted t’see me?” Sunny plays with her sleeves anxiously, eyeing the figure silhouetted by countless security camera screens. He turns to her, amber glasses glinting in the light as he taps a pen against a clipboard idly.

“Indeed I did, Sunny. I would like to speak about your interaction with Razputin.” His tone is flat and impassive, expression unreadable.

“I’m sorry-” She squeaks out the start of an apology, only to be cut off immediately. 

“You did not necessarily do anything wrong, Sunny.” She blinks owlishly. “Razputin will take the news of our existence in stride if we show him we mean no harm, and you achieved this well. But you are…” He lifts his pen, twirling it in the air as he thinks of the right word. “A bit overbearing.” The girl deflates a little, but he lets out a soft hum, a rumbling purr finding itself in the mix as well. “He’s been through a lot in a very short time. We all have. While I understand you are the same age, he doesn’t share your ability to.. Bounce back so easily. He needs time.”

She pouts. “But he was gonna get out anyways! I was just showing him around! And Jessie explained it in the end, anyways!”

“That’s true,” He closes his eyes, purring quietly as he turns his pen in his claws. “But his stress levels began to rise to a dangerous level. Too much information he had no context for. You understand what happens if the balance is tipped, Sunny?”

The girl shuffles uncomfortably, staring at her boots. “Th’ whole place floods.”

He nods. “Yes. We are treading a very fine line right now. It’s important to take things one day at a time.” His ears flatten as he hears a sniffle, halting his speech. With a gentle sigh, he rises from his chair and closes the distance, kneeling before Sunny. He gently cups her chin, tilting her head up. Her makeup has begun to run with tears. He tuts, reaching into his coat for a handkerchief to gently dab her face. “That includes you, sonnenschein.” The nickname gets her to giggle.

“That one m-means sunshine, r-right? Like- Like me!”

He chuckles. “Yes, like you!” With a little boop of her nose, he puts the handkerchief away, satisfied now that the tears have stopped. “I’m sorry for upsetting you, darling. Are you alright?” She nods, giving a shaky little smile. “I’m glad. Why don’t you get some rest, hm? It’s past your bedtime, young lady.”

She puts her hands on her hips, puffing her cheeks out. “Nuh-uh!! We don’t have bedtimes in here!”

He raises an eyebrow. “Now who told you that?”

She giggles, muffling the sound with a sleeve-covered hand. “Hush did!” 

The feline crosses his arms, shaking his head. “That rabbit.. Don’t take their advice, Sunny. They may have good intentions, but their actions are far from right. And try to lead Razputin in the right direction when you see him again, hm? I don’t want him getting any bad ideas from the.. Undesirable parts.”

Sunny frowns a little at that description. She never likes it when Mr. S makes fun of her friends, but he’s older than her so what he says goes. She nods a little at the mention of seeing Raz again. She salutes, grinning wide. “You bet, Mr. S!! I’ll teach him how t’be a real peach, like me!” She does a little spin, skipping over to the door.

He lets out an amused huff, tail flicking idly. “I told you, you can call me Sasha, darling.” 

Sunny spins again, rolling her eye. “But it’s more fun t’give ya a cool nickname! Catcha ‘round Mr. S!”

Sasha flicks his hair to the side, smiling softly. “Behave yourself, Sunny.”

She calls back a quick ‘I will!’ before running off, the squeak of her shoes echoing down the halls, growing ever-distant. He watches her go, eyeing the space she once occupied for a few moments before turning back to the screens. Sasha rubs his eyes tiredly and slumps back into his chair, his collar jingling quietly.

This is going to be a long week.

Chapter Text

There are few things that occur in the Motherlobe that are out of the ordinary for psychics. Perhaps this is due to the nature of their work - having to take routine deep-dives into the most maddening of minds and practically floating everywhere if you can master basic levitation results in the inhuman becoming the norm. And, truly, there is nothing dangerously out of the normal today. A vast majority of the day has gone by with few events of interest, other than Bob Zanotto walking in with the brain of Helmut Fullbear at his side and Agent Oleander, once again, climbing into the fishtank with a mermaid tail. 

No, the thing that walks into the Motherlobe at approximately 1:18pm is just unsettling. It is, by all physical description, Agent Razputin Aquato. But it almost looks like someone sent him through an Astralathe and a Brain Tumbler with how he presents himself. The handful of agents who have interacted with the boy in the past spare a glance, whispering to one another. It makes for fantastic workplace gossip, really.

Agent Aquato pops out of the elevator standing on a levitation bubble. His hair sticks up in various places, helmet notably missing, but his hands are folded behind his back. His eyes are covered by his goggles and an excited grin finds itself on his face. As soon as he steps off the bubble, though, all hell breaks loose as the boy begins leaping from one place to the next, doing various flips and cartwheels all while giggling like a madman.

In truth, Razputin Aquato is still absent from his mind. Sunny, on the other hand, has been given permission to perform Raz’s tasks for the day. She promised she’d be on her best behavior, but she never ever promised to not have fun while doing it! 

She takes a running jump and vaults over one of the couches, rolling up to the doors of the Nerve Center. If she remembers right, school usually lasts roughly 5 to 6 hours, depending on where you go, so Agent Forsythe and the rest of the ex-Interns should still be busy for a little while longer. That means all she has to do is go in, take the papers with Raz’s name and leave! Simple, really. And maybe afterwards, she can try and coax the animals out in the Questionable Area? for playtime. With her mind set on her goal, Sunny cartwheels in, careful to not trip on her floppy sleeves. Now she knows Raz thinks she’s nice, it’s easier to recognize this body as her own. It still doesn’t feel nice when she looks in the mirror, but she’s found that if she pitches his voice up just right, it doesn’t bother her all that much. 

Sunny hums a little tune, swinging her arms at her sides as she enters the Nerve Center, gasping when she sees all the technology littering the room. Absolutely none of it makes sense to her but it’s all absolutely fascinating. She finds herself drawn in, enraptured by the slowly rotating holograms. The faint lights glint off Raz’s goggles, their red tint granting a unique perspective on the whole affair. Slowly, she lifts them up, staring right at a screen that displays a picture of a familiar tower. Her head aches a little as she squints to get a good look at the name, only to notice a pair of eyes staring back at her through the letters. She squeaks, stepping back a little. 

“Mi-Mister Bob! I didn’t- um! Notice you there!” Sunny peeks around the screen, smiling sheepishly. The man gives a gruff chuckle.

“S’fine, kid. You seemed pretty preoccupied.” He raises an eyebrow a little. She shuffles out of the center of the room, taking her place a little closer to Bob.

“Y-Yeah! I’ve never seen screens float before! Is this psychic stuff?” 

“Nope! That’s just the majesty of modern technology!” A voice calls from much lower. A brain in a ball rolls back and forth idly, a smile to his voice.

“Mr. Helmut!” She crouches to his level, giving a little wave to the brain, earning a chuckle.

“Hey, kid! You’re looking pink today!”
She tilts her head to the side, still smiling as she pokes the ball. “And you’re looking pretty slimy today!” 

It’s Bob’s turn to steal her attention, though. “Yeah, you are lookin’ different today. Could be the new glasses, but didn’t you have a helmet or somethin’?”

Sunny blinks slowly as she stands again, the color draining from her face a little. “Oh! I- Forgot it this morning when I got up! S’no big deal!” She smiles, tugging at her oversized sleeves.

Bob doesn’t look convinced, but Helmut cuts him off before he can speak again. “I’m diggin’ the new look! You ever think of growing your hair out?”

She exhales silently in relief. “Oh, a little. It isn’t good for performing, though. I’d haveta put it up all the time so I don’t trip! Plus mama would never let me have my hair long, hehe.” She giggles, muffling it with a hand. “Dion gets a free pass ‘cuz he’s the oldest, though. And super helpful.”

The information is enough to distract Bob. “You’ve got siblings?”

She nods, grinning wide. “Yeah, lots of ‘em!! The whole circus is set up in the Questionable Area? if you ever wanna visit! Ah- That is, after papa’s feelin’ better-” Her smile falters a little. She remembers how awful Augustus was doing after Maligula began to resurface- Oh god, they hadn’t visited him at all. An awful, terrible guilt twists its way into her gut as she brings her hands to her mouth, eyes welling with tears. She tries with all her might to fight it back, her head absolutely throbbing, but it’s no use. She’s never been as strong as Raz or Jester. Never as calm as Sasha or as good at faking it as Hush. She may be a good empath, but if anything, she’s a little too in-tune with emotions. Guilt radiates off her in waves as the tears spill freely, pulling the attention of everyone in the room, no matter how hard she tries to muffle the noises she makes. And that just makes Bob panic. 

“Oh jesus- Nonono, hey, hey, kid, it’s okay-” He hovers his hands in front of the kid nervously, unsure of what to do. Helmut has always been the feelings guy, but he’s a brain in a jar, what if this requires a pat on the head or, god forbid, a hug?  

His husband seems determined to work his magic, though, body or no body. He rolls over, gently bumping Raz’s leg.

“Hey, hey. It’s okay. Sit down, it’s okay.” His voice is gentle, and despite the instruction being aimed at the kid, Bob finds himself slowly lowering to the ground despite his aching joints, encouraging Sunny to follow suit. She still hides her face in her hands, though. “Everything’s gonna be okay, kiddo. Deep breaths for me. You can hold onto me or Bobby if you need, we’re here for you.” Helmut, despite not having eyes, still turns a pointed gaze to Bob, as if to say ‘just bear with it for now. For me.’ and that’s enough for him. 

Sunny sniffles quietly and nods, gently setting Helmut in her lap before scooting closer to Bob, leaning on his shoulder. She feels him tense, though, so she wraps her arms around the brain jar. Unlike Raz, Sunny is an ugly cryer. Snot dribbles out of her nose as tears stream down her cheeks. She occasionally rubs it away, making sure to not touch the ball with any of her mess.

“I-I’m so-sorry-” She hiccups, lifting one hand to cover her face again. “M’sorry, m’s orry-”  

Helmut shushes her gently, and Bob eventually puts a gentle arm on her shoulder, brows knit together with worry but none of the right words to comfort the child. Slowly, she leans down further and further, curling in more and more. Helmut says something again, but it’s all muffled. 

“ S-Sashaa-” She mumbles his name with a shaking voice, just barely keeping a sob quiet. Her ‘sorry’s slowly fade to nothing as her grip on the ball loosens, her sobs quieting before they stop altogether.

“Raz..? What’re you talking about, what’s wrong?” Helmut’s voice is laced in worry while Bob spares a glance at the room. Most of the agents have resumed their work, though they all still glance at the child with a mixture of annoyance, worry, pity or all three. His gaze is brought back when he feels Raz tense under his hand, the boy sucking in a sharp breath. “Raz?”

‘Raz’ rises slowly, sniffling and wiping at his face with a sigh. His expression has changed completely, eyes impassive as his lips turn into an uncomfortable frown. He blinks a few times to get rid of the excess tears, looking down at his lap with a quirked brow. “Hello Agent Fullbear.” All of the emotion before shuts off, almost like a switch. And, in Helmut’s mental eye, the vibrant pink switches to a grassy green.

“Kid?” Bob speaks up quietly. “Is everything okay?”
He looks at the man with an unimpressed gaze. “For now.” Gently, Sasha extracts the brain ball from his lap and folds his oversized sleeves, pulling a coat out of Raz’s bag and slipping it on, folding the sweater one more time over the coat sleeves. “Sorry you had to see that.” He begins smoothing his hair back into its usual shape, tsk-ing at the mess of curls.

“It’s- It’s fine.” Both men are stunned into silence as they watch a 10-year-old instantly recover from a full-blown meltdown in seconds.

The boy hums. “It was unprofessional, but I will deal with the matter in a much more appropriate setting. Send my regards to Agent Forsythe.” Sasha adjusts his coat collar, then stands and dusts himself off. He turns on his heel and walks to the exit, one hand flicking out as a small folder floats from a nearby desk, surrounded in a green hue. The same aura envelops the clasp of the bag at his side, lifting the flap to allow the folder to be deposited inside. He also pulls out the stick of a used Psi-Pop and places it in his mouth, pulling Raz’s goggles down once more.

Helmut and Bob share an absolutely baffled stare once the kid leaves.

“Hey, so what the fuck was that?” The brain whispers, voice a higher pitch than usual. Bob just shrugs hopelessly, pulling his husband close as he stares at the space where Raz once was.

Sasha rubs at his temples, sighing once more. He blames himself for letting things get to this. They had all been so absorbed in their own problems, they neglected to even think about family. But how could they? After all this time, after everything they did and said to Razputin, Sasha is beyond furious at them. He knows Raz loves them, and he should. That’s good. They are still his blood. But Sasha has no allegiance to these people. So until he determines Razputin is fit to front again, he will be steering clear of the Questionable Area?. For now, they will remain in the Motherlobe and the surrounding area. Green Needle Gulch is also off-limits. Not until they can process that mess. One at a time. Jester is good at sorting baggage, so perhaps soon. 

The feline rubs at his cheeks again, still feeling the phantom tears. Perhaps food would do them good. He’s fairly certain Sunny forgot to eat in her excitement, and the smell of meat is of no issue to him.

He takes a plate from the pile, barely lifting a finger as he picks out a few random selections. Most of them involve fish, so he ends up with a lot of sushi. None of it looks to be as bad as the day-old sushi they found for Norma’s scavenger hunt, but he can take the indigestion later if it arises.

Sasha finds his seat by the window and gets exactly one bite in before he hears familiar voices. The sushi drops onto the plate as his eyes dart over, somehow managing to lock eyes with Sam immediately as the group of Junior Agents enter the Noodle Bowl. He quickly lifts Raz’s goggles in an attempt to look more natural before he can be spotted. He’ll just choose to mind his own business until-

“Raz!” Morris calls out, waving. The whole group then turns to look at him and Sasha could really, honestly just die on the spot. He gives a little wave with a smile, right in the middle of chewing the other half of his sushi. Most of the group waves back, gesturing for him to join them at one of the booth seats. It would be impolite not to, so he waves a hand to pick up the whole plate, wandering down to join Raz’s friends. 

“Hey guys! How was class?” He scoots right in next to Adam, the teen absolutely dwarfing him in height. He truly looks like the class’ little brother. 

Morris pulls up on the edge of the booth, setting down a plate of pastries. “ Boring. ”

“I’m so jealous you got to skip out on this one, man.” Adam chimes in, picking at a salad with their fork. Sasha hums, munching on a fishstick.

“I think you guys got off easy, honestly. I have to read the lesson plan.” Even he despises the task. Reading anything other than True Psychic Tales was never one of their strong suits.

“ Forreal? Damn, maybe Forsythe really hates you, Pooter.” Lizzie speaks between bites of some kind of meringue, he thinks.

“Serves him right for skipping class.” That voice makes his head ache and his fingers twitch. He doesn’t even care enough to study what Norma’s eating. It could be swamp mud for all he cares.

“Agent Forsythe said I was allowed.” He keeps his voice calm and impartial, taking his anger out on the food he’s consuming instead, even if it results in his table manners being shoved to the side.

“Still doesn’t mean you get to- Ow!” Norma gets cut off by an elbow to the side from Lizzie and Sasha has to actively fight the smile that threatens to find its way onto his face.

“Whatever, I’m just taking a day or two. Probably gonna go see how my dad’s doing tomorrow, maybe. He’s pretty messed up too.” He feels the table’s eyes fall on him and he blinks. “Oh, did Forsythe not tell you?”

“Nope!” Morris rolls back and forth idly, leaning back in his chair. “She said it was classified info.”

“Oh.” He munches thoughtfully for a moment. He can feel everyone’s breath hitch, eager to hear the info. Sasha sighs. “Lucretia. Maligula. Is- Was my Nona. Or, so I thought. Turns out she killed my real Nona in a psychotic breakdown - her sister, my dad’s mom. So we’ve been living with a murderer our whole lives and never knew about it.” The table is stunned into silence. “She killed a lot of people. I saw it, kinda. When I went into her and Gristol’s minds. Oh, Gristol was Nick from the mailroom. My mentor. So, you were close with your guess, Norma. But not quite.” He eyes the girl, chewing on a piece of salmon. She blinks a few times and, for once, seems to lack the words for a good comeback.

“Holy shit.” Morris chimes in again, leaning his elbows onto the table.

“What’s gonna happen to her?” Gisu finally speaks quietly.

“She’s gonna live with Ford Cruller in Green Needle Gulch, I guess. I haven’t decided how I feel about her yet. She’s still my Nona, I guess.” Sasha looks down, trying to piece together the faint feelings he can get from Razputin. “I dunno. It’s a lot right now. I’m just happy to be alive.” That seems to have been a poor word choice, though, as a few faces look concerned. “Sorry, I ruined the mood.” He stops eating now, finding his appetite has faded. He simply rests his hands in his lap and glances around the table.

“No, no, it’s cool.” Gisu speaks again, giving him a faint smile. “You’re right, it’s just.. A lot.”

He hums. “Just don’t tell Dion too much, okay? He’s already dealing with enough.”

That gets her to snort. “Yeah, I had to convince him that psychics don’t eat souls or lay eggs to reproduce. Who told him all that, anyway?”

Sasha smiles a little. “Our youngest brother Queepie, probably. He’s psychic too, even if he doesn’t want to talk about it. He tells Dion all kinds of weird stuff since he’s an ‘expert’.” He rolls his eyes, faintly recalling a conversation he and Razputin had a very long time ago.

“Forreal? Just how many of your family are secret psychics?” Lizzie raises a brow. Sasha just shrugs. He’s felt faint pulses of psychic energy from Dion in the past, but it’s possible that the boy is so deep in propaganda and denial that it’s fully suppressed his abilities. Either way, all this talking is giving him a migraine, so he excuses himself and slides out of his seat. A hand catches his coat, though. Sam.

“Hey, wait.”

He turns back to stare at her owlishly.

“Are you okay?”

Sasha blinks. “Huh?

“That’s a lot, right? And it’s probably not everything, if what Coach says is true. You’ve saved the world 3 times in 3 days. Are you okay?”

Sasha laughs. It’s a hollow, bitter sound that sounds horribly foreign with Razputin’s voice. “Of course. I’m a Psychonaut.” 

Sam’s gaze remains blank as she slowly lets go, allowing the boy to turn quickly and almost sprint to the elevator. Sasha clutches his chest tightly as the floor slides out beneath him, allowing him to slowly float down as he controls his racing heart. He pants heavily, hands shaking. 

He’s really not good at this.

Chapter Text

Sasha tangles one hand in Raz’s hair, breaths heavy but much more calm now that he’s alone. His other hand has a vice grip on the strap of their bag. He stumbles forward, thinking over his recent actions once, twice, thrice and a dozen more, regretting every moment of it. They’re going to be found out for sure now, but that’s fine, isn’t it? Then they can get the help they need- But they’re doing their jobs so why should they need help?

He groans, squeezing his eyes shut for a few moments. Just long enough to nearly run into a wall as he navigates out of the Motherlobe. Razputin is the one that suffered through all of this, they’re cleaning up the mess, that’s all. It’s not personal, so why does it matter so much? The bubble of anxiety finds itself lodged in his throat, threatening to choke him, when a warmth grabs his hand. He flinches, trying to pull away. Another hand finds its way on his shoulder and he’s locked in place. His wide eyes meet narrowed ones, suspicion and worry mixing into a look that’s all too familiar.

“Raz, we need to talk.” Lili squeezes his hand gently. Sasha swallows thickly.

“I-Is- Can we talk later?” His voice shakes as he feels Raz’s heart begin to race again.

Her eyes scan his face. “No, come on. Take some deep breaths.”

He obeys, breathing shaky but manageable. She seems to deem this acceptable and begins leading him towards her garden. Sasha keeps his eyes fixed on the floor, only nearly tripping a few times when his legs lock up with a surge of panic. 

Lili sits him down on a rock, dragging another over to sit opposite from him. “Feeling any better?” Sasha nods faintly. “Good. Now, are you gonna tell me what the hell is going on with you?” Her words are angry, but he can tell she’s just worried. He sucks in a breath sharply, going to open his mouth- “And don’t tell me everything’s fine. I know it’s not, Raz.” The girl folds her arms, steeling her gaze.

Sasha swallows again, tugging at Raz’s gloves. He looks at the ground. He doesn’t have much of a choice now. Lili can be the trial run, then. “..First of all. I am not Razputin.” He lets his accent seep into his words. Lili stands up abruptly and he quickly holds out his hands. “Wait! Please. I understand that- A-After what happened with Truman, there’s a lot of implications. I promise you, it isn’t like that.”

Lili scowls. “ How could it be any different?! Raz, if this is you trying to pull some kinda joke-!”

“Lili.” He breathes her name out like his lungs have been crushed. “I.. Maybe- I am not the person to tell you. I.. Would have liked for Razputin to become comfortable with our existence before the people in his life found out, but..” Sasha trails off, counting his breaths for a few moments. “That isn’t important now. Let me.. Get someone to explain better.”

Lili sits down again, clearly way more confused than before, but still attentive. Her hands sit just slightly raised, though, the nearby plants turning to watch in case something bad happens.

Sasha lets out a relieved sigh and closes his eyes, raising a hand to the space between them. A green outline forms, then flickers from orange to red. A little form scribbles itself into existence, popping up with his hands on his hips. “My dogs are barkin’ today!” Sketch giggles to himself, glancing around. His smile falls when he finds who pulled him out. “Sasha? Sasha, what’s wrong?”

The feline gives a faint wave, turning his gaze to Lili, who seems to be slowly putting the pieces together. Sketch follows the direction, eyes widening. “Oh. The Talk, huh? Yikes. Okie-dokie!” The paper-boy scribbles up a rock for him to sit on as well, the paper melding together to form one cutout. “Hi Lili!” He smiles reassuringly.

“..Raz..?” She sounds hopeful. The projection just laughs sadly.

“Kinda. I’m more like… A piece of Raz that broke off and became my own person. I saw some things I shouldn’t have, that shouldn’t be remembered. So he forgot and I remembered! My name’s Sketch, by the way. There’s lots of us! Over there is Sasha - he’s a cat and yeah, like, Sasha Nein. He’s so cool.”

Sasha chuckles a little at that. “You give me too much credit.”

Lili looks between the two, the cogs turning in her head. There’s hardly any more concrete proof than literally watching them interact. This is so not what she thought was happening at all. “So.. So Raz has people.. Living in his head?”

“Yeah, that’s it!” Sketch gives her an encouraging smile and a thumbs up. 

“I am sorry we worried you, Lili. Razputin has just barely come to know of us himself.” He plays with his hands, avoiding looking at the girl. “I understand if this is.. Hard to believe-”

Lili blinks. “Huh? No, why would it be?”

Sasha stares at her wide-eyed. Sketch glances between the two, doodling himself some popcorn. “I- After everything that happened..?”

She snorts. “Sasha, this isn’t the first time I’ve seen your condition. The Psychonauts literally pride themselves in knowing everything about mental illness and brain diseases. All I’m curious about is you. A cat? Really?”

His cheeks dust pink. “I did not get a say in the matter, it was mostly Razputin’s own perception of the real Sasha’s traits.” The child stares at him for a few moments, simply thinking about his choice of words in regard to Sasha, the man. “Regardless, I.. Would appreciate that this remains between us for the moment. I am sure Agents Vodello and Nein would take the news in stride, but.. I would like us to work some things out on our own first.” He slowly meets Lili’s gaze. “Help feels unnatural and foreign. I- We are going to need some time. Can you do that for me?”

Lili mulls it over for a few moments before nodding. “Only if you promise to talk to me? All of you? I.. Don’t like just getting shut out like that. We’re friends, Raz or no Raz.”

That brings a small smile onto his face. “Okay. Promise.”

“WOOHOO!! Problem solved!” Sketch throws his popcorn into the air, letting it turn into crumpled bits of paper that slowly disappear. Lili giggles and Sasha can’t help but join her.

“Yes, thank you for your help Sketch. Can you go and find Sunny for me? Poor thing is tying herself in knots over earlier and, not to be rude, but it’s giving us a migraine.”

Sketch salutes and crumples into a ball of paper, leaving just Sasha and Lili. The latter turns to him with a raised eyebrow.

“What happened earlier?”

He sighs, leaning his elbows on his knees. “Sunny is the same age as you and Razputin, but she’s more.. Emotionally vulnerable. She gets overwhelmed easily these days, and when speaking with Helmut and Bob, she recalled the fact that we’ve been neglecting Raz’s family. That was when I had to step in.” Sasha rubs at his face tiredly, despite having slept soundly all night.

“Jeez- You guys have a lot going on, huh?” She pauses for a few moments. “You know I’m always here to listen, right? Just to get everything out so it isn’t sitting in your head getting all gross?”

That makes him smile, just a little. “Thank you, Lili. I’m so glad we have people like you in our life. I won’t burden you with everything, but I will let the others know. Particularly Sunny. I’m sure she’d be thrilled to talk to another girl for once.”

Lili seems a little surprised, but excitement takes over too. “Yeah! And, I dunno. If she wants to try on girl clothes..” She rubs the back of her neck awkwardly, looking away. “Y’know.”

He chuckles quietly. “Thank you, I will let her know. For now..” He stands up, stretching. “I need a nap. This is far too much excitement for one day.” That gets a quirked eyebrow. He huffs. “Those three were outliers.”

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever, Catsha.”

“Huh?”
“That’s your nickname now. It’d be weird calling you and the other Sasha by the same name.”

He huffs, crossing his arms. Fine, since this is only between them, he’ll allow it. For now. He bids Lili a quick goodbye before slowly making his way back to the Motherlobe in content silence. He doesn’t see anyone on the way there besides a brief sighting of the original Sasha Nein, which makes him leap into one of the indoor gardens to hide, entirely forgetting that he could remember how to access invisibility if he tried.

Eventually, though, he finds himself curled up in bed like a cat, arms and legs tucked close. In the privacy of their room, he also softly mimics a purr.

"So, you're sure this is gonna work?" Raz wrings his hands nervously, glancing around every few seconds at the hall. Hush scoffs.

"you're doubting me?"

Truthfully, yes. Sneaking has never been something Raz was fond of. It always makes him unreasonably nervous. "No! No.. I'm just- Nervous."

The rabbit-thing hums and nods, but doesn't respond further, simply leading the boy deeper into the depths of the hotel. It was, at least, an eye-opener in terms of perspective. Raz's room is right at the top of this crazy place. No wonder it's impossible to get out alone…

"So what are we looking for again..?" 

"a door with a lock on it, dummy! lotsa chains, too."

He points at the end of the hall. "Like that one?"

Hush's solitary eye widens and they turn around. "yeah!!!! that's it!!!" They rush forward with excitement. "c'mon, c'mon! unlock it!!"

Raz swallows, approaching the door that only seems to grow larger the closer he steps. Faintly, he thinks he hears heavy footsteps. It makes his hair stand on end. "I don't have a key..!"

Hush rolls their eye, groaning loudly. "i told you! you are the key!" Their foot thumps against the floor impatiently. “this is your head remember? anything goes!” 

Right.. He’s just gotta trust them. He nods a little and places a hand on the doorknob, a soft click comes from behind the wood. The locks on the front suddenly click open, causing Raz to flinch back. The chains drop to the floor, the door slowly creaking open. A gust of cold air rushes through, causing the boy to shiver. “You’re.. Sure we have to go down here? Isn’t there just- A front door?”

Hush giggles, grabbing Raz’s hand and pulling him forward. “what good would that do? then you’d just be deeper in the subconscious!” 

“..Oh. I just thought-”

“then don’t!” They turn back and grin at him. “nothing good comes from thinkin’ ‘bout stuff too hard.”

That visibly unsettles the boy, but Hush either doesn’t notice or chooses not to as they turn back around and continue into the darkness, descending a flight of stairs that seem to spiral for eternity. Faintly, Raz swears he can hear the sounds of rushing water. 

It feels like forever before the sound grows louder. Streaks of light dance along the walls of what looks like a cave, water occasionally dripping down onto the steps. Raz hugs his arms as close as he can while still being led onward. “Hush..?” The rabbit doesn’t respond. “Hush, why is there water-?” He nearly trips when they abruptly stop, ears twitching. They turn around silently, their eye narrowed.

“jeez, you sure ask a lotta questions! she’s gettin’ impatient. you better take the shortcut.” They finally let go of his hand, huffing. Raz feels his veins turn to ice as he begins to work out what that might mean.

He backs up a few steps, Hush simply following him. “I don’t- I’m not doing this anymore-”

“like hell you aren’t! this is for your own good, raz!” 

Before he can blink, he’s falling. Raz flails, chilled air swallowing his screams as it rushes past. The faint blue glow of the water pierces his vision even as he falls backward. He can almost feel the hands reaching up, strangling him, tugging him down faster and faster, letting the water swallow him up and never let go.

“You can stop screaming.”

A bored, monotone voice causes him to snap his mouth shut, eyes opening slowly. Two hands made of water hold him gently above the surface. A figure, face shrouded in shadow behind black curls, stands on the surface with their hands behind their back.

“Are you done now?”

He nods, staring at her with wide eyes.

“Good. Hush brought you, then?”

Another nod. He slowly sits up in his position, the hands lowering him to the surface slowly.

“Wonderful.” Her voice carries a hint of excitement, a joyless smile finding itself on her face. “Razputin, do you know what I am?”

He blinks slowly, glancing around for a moment. “A-Are.. Are you..?”
“Your ‘Maligula’?” She snorts. “I could be.” The figure closes the distance between them, the water hands offering him up to her like a gift. “My name’s Liz. I like to think of myself as a judge. I’m not harsh or cruel. But I can be.” Something in her tone makes him shudder. “You’re angry, Raz. I am too. ” She leans down to his level. “I brought you down here for one thing and one thing alone. To do my job.”

His eyebrows knit together in confusion. “..Your job..?”

“As a persecutor. They locked us up for being.. Undesirable. Inefficient. If you weren’t the host, maybe they would’ve put you here too.” She sounds almost like she pities him. It’s uncomfortable. “Make the adults pay for hurting us. For making all of this, ” She gestures into the air. “ Our problem. ” 

Raz’s voice is small, like it was when he’d try and explain something about psychics before.. Everything. Before he left. “But isn’t this.. What Psychonauts do?”

She grips the collar of his shirt, gritting her teeth. He sees a clear view of one eye now, a piercing yellow. “ Stop lying to yourself! They hurt us! They keep hurting us! You still love Ford after what he did?! ”

The boy freezes at the mention of his former hero. Yes, he’s mad at Ford, he’s furious. But he knows people do stupid things. He’ll be mad, maybe he’ll never forgive him again, but he doesn’t want to hurt anyone. He doesn’t want to be like Ford. “I- I don’t! But I- They don’t deserve to get hurt! If- If they leave me alone it’s fine! That’s all I want!” He desperately searches her face for some kind of sign. Something to say she agrees. Every second that ticks by makes his heart sink further.

“You wanna be alone, huh.” Her tone is flat again. She lets him go, dropping him against the water. He sinks a little and his sinking heart jumps into his throat. “Okay. I can make that happen.” 

Liz snaps her fingers and Raz sinks. His scream is cut off abruptly, silenced by the water. She watches him, a bitter smile finding its place on her lips. The child scrambles - writhes - against the unseen current. And within moments, a giant figure swims past, three heads twisting to observe the movement. One of them reaches out as it loops around, and the boy is gone.

“liz!!! raz!!! i hope i’m not late-! oh.” Hush halts at the bottom of the steps, water lapping at their paws. “that’s a shame..” The rabbit frowns, wringing their hands.

Liz shrugs, holding out a hand. The water mimics the action, reaching out a hand for the rabbit to step on. They do so like clockwork, the water rising up beneath the woman in a similar fashion. The two begin to rise slowly. “It was to be expected. Frazie was right, he’s too much of a crybaby.”

Hush nods. “we’ll show him how strong we can be!”

Her grin widens into something more sinister as she turns her gaze to the approaching ceiling. “We’ll show them all. ”

Raz wakes in his bed with a gasp, clutching at his chest. He feels his clothes and hair stick uncomfortably to his skin as sweat soaks his form. Tremors wrack his body as the feeling of drowning slowly ebbs away, reality coming back slowly. 

He sighs shakily, pulling his knees in close.

What the fuck is going on.

Chapter Text

Raz stumbles out in a daze. He doesn’t recognize this building at all. This isn’t anything like.. That hotel..? Why was he in a hotel..? His head throbs and aches with every new thought, but everything feels so distant. He feels like he can hear the sound of rushing water, but no matter how many doors he opens, there’s nothing. 

Faintly, some scribbles on some of the doors look like names. Something urges him to keep away from those, and as much as he doesn’t want to, as much as he wants to scream at the voices in his head to just shut up and go away, nothing comes out. Or, perhaps it does. He simply can’t hear.

Colors smear together, faintly he feels his shoulder bump into a wall, a dull ache simply serving to annoy him further. He doesn’t remember being so angry, he remembers drowning and screaming and being dragged away and locked in a room. He remembers no one coming for him, because why would they? He’s just a dumb kid.

He hisses as another wave of pain blurs his world, tipping his balance.

Before Raz even realizes it, his face is pressed against cold metal, a gentle breeze causing him to shudder. Slowly, he gets up, now noticing he’s outside the Motherlobe somehow. The fresh air is good, though. It permeates through his lungs, crisp and welcoming. It reminds him of the late nights where he and Frazie would sneak off to practice psychic tricks together. 

..Frazie.. When was the last time he’d seen her? Surely only a day or two. He should check on his dad, too. Knowing him, he’ll still be out late having his thinking time. 

The boy swallows, his tongue sticking to the roof of his mouth uncomfortably, a faint metallic taste finding its own way of penetrating his hazy senses. He could probably also use something to drink, but the thought of liquid right now makes his breath hitch. He can do without for a while. 

Slowly, Raz shuffles over to the Otto B.O.N, sliding in with practiced ease. The tunnels are dark and cramped, and in his current state it’s impossible to tell which way is up, but he still moves forwards, determined to find his family. If anything, he just really, really needs a hug right now. Maybe for someone to tell him it’s gonna be okay for once, that he isn’t going to die or have his brain stolen. That things are normal and he’s going to be fine.

It’s dangerous, but he lets his mind wander like that, finding the sensation eerily similar to the effects of Psilerium. He wonders, faintly, how those fish are doing. Probably dead, actually. Loboto is probably halfway back to Whispering Rock by now- Wait, when did he see him leave?

“Ugh..” He groans to himself, the sound bouncing off the walls in all directions, thrumming on his skull. All this memory junk on top of everything that’s happened is just.. Too much. He doesn’t want to think about it. If he doesn’t, then it’ll go away and someone inside can deal with it. 

Raz barely notices when he pushes open the exit to the tunnels. He only does when a small rodent skitters in and out of his vision, staring at him from the bushes. He stares back dazedly, something akin to joy bubbling up, but it’s.. Wrong. Not his. With a sharp breath, he shoves it down, prying his eyes away to head towards camp. He doesn’t even think before he’s heading to a familiar tent. Not his father’s, not what used to be his. As soon as he pushes the fabric aside, he briefly feels his mind clear, the warmth of Frazie’s mental energy permeating through the space. Mirtala’s is present, too, if not faint. It reminds him to be quiet before the fog sets in once more. He blinks slowly, shuffling over to the makeshift bed - easily collapsible, but still with support in the right places to prevent sore joints. Mostly stuffed with over a decade of worn cloth, it wasn’t the greatest, but it did its job.

Raz’s mind gently brushes up against his sisters and she stirs, mumbling something quiet. The thought comes jumbled, too, but the confusion comes through just fine. He tries again, hand tugging at the sheets. Her eyes open this time and she inhales sharply, jolting upright as if expecting an attacker. 

“Raz-?!” Her eyes dart to Tala, who simply shifts a little in her sleep. She relaxes a little at that, turning a sleepy glare to her second-babiest brother. “What the hell?”

He blinks slowly again, hand gripping the blanket a little tighter. He manages to push a thought out, though. I had a bad dream.

Her brows furrow a little. This isn’t the first time he’s come to her about a nightmare, but it is the first time he’s done it since he turned 7. He basically shut her out entirely after.. A few arguments. Frazie swallows and gently pats a spot next to her, immediately noticing that.. Whatever this is, it’s more than a bad dream. And she’s still mad at Raz. She isn’t going to just stop after a few days of silence. But he’s still her brother, and she can put her anger aside for a little while. Unlike some people. 

It’s been a while since she and Raz have talked with their... Powers. But it’s certainly safer than waking Tala up. ‘C’mon. Wanna talk about it?’

The boy climbs up slowly, taking his place against his sister with his knees to his chest. His eyes are worryingly vacant as he shakes his head.

‘Okay. Dion tripped on a twig today while redoing the knots you helped him with. It was really funny.’ Frazie rubs her eyes tiredly, putting an arm around Raz. ‘Tala perfected a new trick, too. She’ll show you tomorrow if you wanna stay.’

That gets a little hum and a slow nod. She lets herself smile a little. It’s progress.

‘Dad’s doing better, sorta. He’s back to pinecones. It’s kinda funny watching him try and pick multiple up. It’s like when I was teaching you juggling for the first time.’

Another little noise. Raz’s eyes are now fixed on Frazie’s face, a small smile on his lips. The fog seems to be slowly lifting, so she continues.

‘Queepie also reached a new record. He’s at 85 pounds now, mom thinks we should make a big show of it next time we perform. That is, if he stops disappearing to listen to the radio.’ She lets out a huff at that, rolling her eyes a little. ‘Mom’s gotten better at giving him Queepie time, though.’

A quiet thought, just a mumble, finds its way into her mind and she purges all her thoughts just to hear it. That’s good… I should say sorry. I ruined his ‘me time’ a bunch earlier.

Frazie frowns at that. ‘So that’s why he was complaining about you being in his business all the time.’ He seems to wince a little. ‘It’s fine. He and Dion are buttheads about their space.’ That fixes it, gaining a little snort.

Cuz they smell so bad. Nobody wants to be around a fartface.

Now it’s her turn to snort. ‘Raz!’

It’s the truth. That’s why Dion needs all that perfume. The distant look has faded now, a mischievous one taking its place. She rattles her brother gently.

‘If you told him that he’d literally implode.’ She raises an eyebrow, stifling a laugh.

Oh no!! His noxious fart gas would go everywhere!

‘Raz, this joke sucks-’

Then why are you laughing so much!! He pokes her, now giggling too.

Mirtala stirs, tossing a pillow at the two with a glare. “Be quiiieeeeet…” 

That just makes them both giggle more, much to her dismay. Raz gently levitates the pillow back, resting it on her bed. She grumbles something before putting it back under her head and turning over, pulling her blanket above her head. 

‘Okay, c’mon Pooter. It’s way past bedtime.’ Frazie lies down once more, leaving her brother sitting upright awkwardly. She just raises an eyebrow at him.

Can.. I stay with you? I’m- He can’t finish his thought before he’s being pulled down. They both barely fit anymore, but that’s fine. They’re together and they’re safe. Frazie puts an arm around her brother and he finally lets his eyes close, resting his head on the pillow beside her, clinging to her worn and aged clothes like they’re the only thing he has left in the world. And faintly, she wonders if it is. Raz may be a butthead like their brothers, but he’s still only 10. She doesn’t know what he’s been through these past few days, but if.. Whatever the hell happened with Nona is any indication, it’s too much. She’s old enough to be angry later. Queepie and Mirtala are young enough to not understand anger. But Raz? He’s right in the middle. And that worries her.

Frazie pulls her brother close, quietly mumbling comforting words as she feels his breaths slow. Only once she’s certain he’s sleeping soundly does she allow herself to do the same. They’ve been through enough as a family. As she returns to her slumber, she wishes with all her heart. Psychics aren’t magicians, they can’t change fate, and they probably can’t predict fortune. But she hopes with all her being that something, anything in her mind can grant her one wish.

That night, she wishes for her brother, 10 years old and already so worn from the weight on his shoulders. She wishes that someday, somehow, he’ll let her carry that burden with him until he’s old enough. Until he knows what anger and love are, until he knows how to forgive. 

She wishes, with all her heart, that he isn’t going to do something stupid before he knows how awful it can be to hurt someone you love.

Chapter Text

Liz opens her eyes slowly. She knows where she is, she knows who she’s looking at. It brings a feeling akin to that of a distorted circus mirror. The form in front of her is a mirror image with several aspects removed, parts that she knows belong to someone else. It makes her nose scrunch up in disgust, the word copycat sitting uncomfortably on her tongue. An arm locks her in place, one that she quite happily extracts with little care for the other’s quality of sleep. Birds chirp softly outside and the air, even in the tent, is moist. Morning, but too early for even the most active of the Aquatos.

Frazie mumbles something and she knows it’s time to leave, slowly slipping out of the bed. She pauses on the way out, though, and pulls Mirtala’s blanket back over her shoulders, brushing a few strands of hair out of her face. 

The damp morning air is refreshing, the air prickling her cheeks and pulling a faint smile onto her features. The morning dew clinging to the nearby leaves begins to quiver and converge, dripping onto the ground. Slowly, the form of a bunny appears, dragging a stone into its mass to form one eye while the other glows a bright green. It hops over, the girl opening her arms for it to leap into.

“Good morning, Hush.” The rabbit bumps its head against her chin. A contented smile finds itself on her face as the water creature climbs onto her shoulder. She thumbs their ear before making her way over to the wagon, a place usually reserved for a now-absent Nona Aquato. The name leaves a sour taste in her mouth, earning another nuzzle from Hush’s physical projection as she ascends the old wooden steps. She remembers what Raz was taught about stitching. There’s no way she’d bother Lili at this hour for a skirt and it’d be much, much easier if she never knew Liz existed at all. Certainly, the girl is cute, fun and just the kind of take-no-shit personality she loves in a person, but Liz isn’t here for friendship. It’d be generous to call what she and Hush have by that name, they’re more likely to be business partners than anything. 

All these thoughts are, of course, blocked from the rabbit’s part of their mind. As far as they know, she’s thinking about what patterns of torn fabric fit best together. She decides to go for stripes and polka dots, beginning to stitch a variety of discarded chunks of varying sizes together into a skirt-like shape, using a rope and one particularly long strip of blue to hold it together at the top. It’s certainly not perfect, but it’s not too dissimilar to what she wears in the headspace. 

‘y’sure this is a good idea?’ The rabbit’s thoughts are quiet, but sudden. She narrowly misses pricking her finger.

“Of course it isn’t, Hush. That’s why we’re doing it.” She gives the water creature a dull grin. The whites of Raz’s eyes have begun to appear more yellowed, a permanent shadow masking half their face. “They can think I’m evil if they want. I’m just giving them a taste of their own medicine.”

The bunny tilts its head. ‘well, yea! but i mean.. what if they start diggin’ ‘round in our brain?’

Her eyes narrow. “I’ll flush them out like a goldfish down a toilet.”

The creature shrinks back a little, its glowing eye widening. They don’t ask any more questions, though, instead opting to pass fabrics to make themself useful.

28 minutes and 42 seconds later and the outfit is assembled. A patchwork skirt, deliberately made first and made messy to keep a familiar theme. She finds a too-short jacket that ends up being turned into a vest with altered sleeves, with the sleeves of their sweater simply being cut off at the shoulder. Faintly, a sense of loss worms its way through the walls. Liz can apologize to Sunny later if she feels like it.

The scraps are simply kept under one arm, Hush in her other, as she exits the van into the slowly warming air. Aquatos are beginning to wake up at their own speeds around camp and she decides it’s time to leave. She can punch Dion in the mouth some other day - revenge is an art and she will treat it as such. One victim at a time.

Instead, she’s much more focused on stirring up a little drama where it really matters. She crosses the bridge with purpose, planks of water filling in the holes as she steps. A brief glance is spared in the direction of Green Needle Gulch, her expression souring. Within moments, a pillar of water rises and swallows them both, rushing against the flow of the Falls? to the Motherlobe.

Liz is deposited quite gently and surprisingly dry outside the building. Hush’s form has melted away for the moment, all that remains being the pebble they used for an eye that she quickly slips into her stolen jacket’s pocket. There’s a slight bounce in her step as she watches the sun slowly peek over the towering cliffs surrounding Psychonauts H.Q.

Rising the elevator, the sounds of early-risers can be heard, mostly useless gossip that seems to only sour her ‘good’ mood. It’s fine. They’ll know where they really stand when she’s done with them. She’ll need to start small, though. She’s never wreaked havoc in a big organization before, she needs to learn just how much they can take before they get the message to not fuck with them.  

Step one of this plan involves maintaining uncomfortably long periods of eye contact whenever she feels someone’s eyes on her. Quite successful, actually. She times each member. 5 seconds, 23 seconds, 31 seconds, 4.25 seconds. That last one is pathetic - she finds herself sneering even after they avert their eyes. Their thoughts all whisper about her now, suspicion arising. Everyone knows Raz’s name, Forsythe called his name over the intercoms plenty enough for that, and it isn’t hard to put a name to a face after the Maligula incident. Some speak of brain theft, others of Sasha and Otto’s experiments. A select few theorize mind control or some kind of effect from using an Astralathe at such a young age. It makes her sick to hear so many awful things. Good.

Next step is to get to them. The ones who helped make her.

She walks silently to the ex-Intern wing, slamming a fist into the side of the Otto-Matic on the way there, causing it to choke out a Psi-Pop despite the fervent protests of Otto’s glitchy recorded messages. Liz sits down in the classroom, leaning back in the bed-like seat and crossing her legs. One hand reaches out to a nearby plant, causing it to slowly shrivel as all the water is sucked out, congealing in her palm like Play-Doh. Idly, she shapes it into various things; a shark, a fish, a flower, a snake. She pauses and stares at it for a few seconds, a hollow numbness taking over. She crushes it in her palm, staring blankly. The water splashes onto her skirt, soaking it and the bed. Her hand shakes as serpents dance across her vision, the sensation of drowning clogging her lungs, the screams of those she- he loved and trusted being whipped up in a whirlpool they helped unleash. Rain batters her skin, chilling her to the core until nothing is left but a frozen husk, a ball of hatred and agony. Until she forms, flooding everything she sees. Until everything is swept away, left barren with only bodies floating in the water-

Liz inhales sharply as pain flares up in her right eye, bringing her back to the present. She reaches up, feeling the cold, metallic bumps of staples, now holding that side of their face together. She didn’t intend to.. Manifest physically like this. Her heart races, one hand clutching their chest, the other holding their eye. It’s fine. She doesn’t understand why this is happening but it’s fine. Mental scars can manifest in the physical world for psychics, right? Yeah, that must be it.

She clenches her teeth, forcing her breaths to slow as she focuses on the room again, deciding to count the stray books for something to do. 12 that she can see. She counts them again and again until her thoughts slow down, only disturbed by a significantly-smaller-than-before water rabbit bumping its head against her stomach gently. She swallows, scooping them up and holding them just a little too tight.

“Thank you, Hush. I’m.. Sorry.” She mumbles to the bunny. It sniffs and tucks its head against her chest, as if feeling her slowing heartbeat. “We’re gonna give them hell. I promise.” She curls around it protectively, just this once letting herself have this moment. Perhaps Hush is her friend. Perhaps she’s okay with that. “C’mon. They’ll be arriving soon.” She pets their head gently and they nod, water slithering away to the plant it was taken from and leaving a stone once more. Liz sighs and rubs her eyes. It’s worth it.

She hears the footsteps in the hall before she sees any sign of Forsythe. Multiple people, from the sounds of it. Shouldn’t she be the first here..?

“Raz?” Gisu calls from the doorway. “Whatcha doin’ in there? Class is out for two weeks!”

Ah. Hollis did mention a two-week vacation. She guesses the woman deserves it. Liz meets Gisu’s gaze and the girl tenses.

“Oh. I didn’t know.” She stands slowly, making every movement deliberate as she maintains eye contact. “I assume you all have plans, then?”

She just stares silently. Morris pokes his head through as well. “Yeah, we’re-” He looks Liz up and down, eyes wide. “Gonna have.. a movie day.”

“Nice of you to ask.” She stares blankly, slowly ascending the stairs.

“We were gonna! You were just totally missing yesterday!” Gisu finally blurts out. “Are you..” Her brows knit together. “...Okay? What- What happened to your face?”
“Just a little cosmetic effect.” Liz blinks, giving an empty smile. “I’ve never felt better.”

The two simply exchange a look before facing her. Morris speaks up. “Okay. We’re gonna. Go wake the others up-”

“Oh, and if you invite Norma I’m gonna lose it.”

“What-?” They both blurt the word out.

“You heard me.” Her eyes narrow into a sharp glare. “If I have to sit in the same room as that filth for more than 5 minutes, I’ll fuckin’ deck you and her.” She then shoves past the both of them to head to the dorms, fuming over the embarrassment of showing up when class isn’t even happening. Of course no one would think to tell them. Not like it was important or anything. She clenches and unclenches her hands repeatedly, stomping down the hall. 

Liz pauses before the lounge area, though. Connected to it is a miniature kitchen. They should eat. With a sigh, she heads in, shuffling past Adam and Sam who glance up from their phones with a worried look, still clearly in pyjamas. It makes her blood boil, alongside a glass of water left on the table in front of the couch. 

There aren't a lot of interesting things in the fridge, really. A few leftovers from random meals, half a sandwich, some yogurt, Kraft Singles. The usual. She finds a pack of juice boxes, though, taking one and a little snack pack of mango yogurt before climbing onto the bench to eat. She also finds an orange and simply throws it into the sink for fun.

The yogurt is… Underwhelming. There isn't even any chunks of mango inside. The apple juice is nice, though. The containers are then dropped into the trash as she joins the others in the living room, the group now having assembled minus Gisu and, thankfully, Norma. She sits down silently on the couch, gently thumbing the pebble in her pocket. All eyes sit on her.

“Is there a problem.” She snaps, glaring at no-one in particular. 

“Pooter, are you goin’ through an emo phase or something?” Lizzie raises a brow. Liz stares unimpressed.

“Yeah, are you alright? You don’t.. Look too good.” Adam plays with their hands, seemingly unable to decide between tugging on their coat and trying to sit still.

“I’m doing fine.” She continues to stare, expression now blank. “I don’t see why I could be doing anything other than fine. It’s not like we’re just pretending my first day here didn’t happen. It’s not like I’m still missing my clothes or anything.” The glass on the table begins to boil over. “It’s fine.”

“Raz, we-”

“That’s not my name, Morris.”

The air goes still.

“Hey guys, I’m back- Woah what happened in here?” Gisu stops in the doorway, a disgustingly familiar figure at her side. “You guys put on a sad flick again?”

There’s no response, the boy at her side clears his throat. “I can. Go-”

“What the fuck are you doing here, Dion.” She whips around to glare daggers at him.

“Wh- Pooter? I could ask you the same thing!” He glares right back. The others are slowly standing.

“That- What do you mean you’re not Raz?” Morris’ voice is quiet. Liz finally breaks eye contact to roll her eyes.

“Are you that dense?” She spits. “Razputin Aquato? In a fucking skirt? Get real. My name’s Liz, and that’s all I owe the likes of you .” 

“Raz, what the fuck-”

“SHUT THE FUCK UP, DION.” Liz whips around and grasps the boy with telekinesis. “I am sick of you.”

Everyone lunges to action now, Gisu wrenching Dion out of her grip, Adam flinging a yo-yo to wrap her in psychic string, Lizzie tossing the water from the table onto her legs, freezing it for makeshift leg cuffs. Morris immediately pulls out his phone and begins dialing for someone. Sam just stands there, staring. Liz hasn’t stopped glaring at the boy, though. She doesn’t put up a fight.

“You disgust me. Some older brother you are. I bet you wish he died out there. Maybe got hit by a train, huh? Died of starvation? Drowned? That’d be easier, wouldn’t it.” She bares her teeth, now sharpened to points. “Sorry we weren’t born different.”

“Wh- The hell do you know?!” He takes a step forward despite Gisu attempting to hold him back. “You’re just-! Some fortune teller pretending to be Raz!”

She cackles at that. “Whatever you wanna believe.”

“Hey!” Sam finally speaks. Liz’s expression turns impassive. No malice, just boredom.

“What, Sam.”

“If you’re not Raz, what are you?”

She raises an eyebrow. “What am I?” Sam nods. “Raz called me his ‘Maligula’.”

Sam contemplates that answer for a moment. “Are you?”

Liz smiles. It almost looks as broken as she is. “I’m too much of a person for that.”

A few people exchange glances, Adam going to say something-

When Sasha, Milla and Truman burst into the room, Lili trailing not too far behind. She locks eyes with Liz and freezes.

For a moment, just enough for a few ticks of a clock, all that exists is the two of them. Lili calls out, voice muffled. A name that isn’t Raz’s, but not hers. Sasha, outside their moment in time, glances over, expecting more than a name. But there isn’t time for that. Liz smiles. A real smile. 

Hello, Lili.

Something hits them, a powder of sorts. And the world is flooded with darkness.

Chapter Text

Lili lunges forward, only to be yanked back by her father’s hand. She writhes in his grip, Truman holding her back, explaining that they can handle it this time. He doesn’t understand. Truthfully, she doesn’t entirely get it herself. Everything was fine when Catsha and Sketch talked to her, so what’s going on? They only talked yesterday. Dread wells up as she pushes against her dad’s grip, staring into Raz’s vacant eyes. It’s a sight she never wanted to have to see again.

“Dad, just let go! I just need to talk to them!” She pleads, glancing between him, Sasha and Milla. Sasha has already begun moving over to extract Raz’s brain, likely to hand it to Otto.

“Lili, what’s gotten into you..?” Truman furrows his brow, grip slackening a little. Just enough for her to wrench herself out and position herself between- Wait, where’s the brain? She glances around frantically, spotting Sasha doing the same. A drip catches their attention, several pieces of the ceiling crumbling away to let more and more water in. Raz’s body jerks, one eye open, basked in a green glow. He’s.. Crying?

“y-yyou-” ‘Raz’ wrenches his arm out of the crumbling string, wiping at his eyes with a sniffle. “you ruined everything! she- she was g-gonna finally.. fix everything a-and you ruined it! just like- like you grownups always do! ” Their voice cracks. Lili watches the three psychonauts raise their hands to their temples, Milla visibly more uncomfortable. She swallows and steps forward, hands raised in a placating manner.

“Hey.” Everyone’s attention snaps to her. “Do you.. Remember me?”

They look at her as water pours through the ceiling, coating the floor. The junior psychonauts all move to higher ground on the couches in response.

“lili.” They nod. “you- you’re nice.”

She lets out a relieved sigh at that. “Okay. What’s your name?”

They glance around, slowly lowering to the ground. The water shapes itself around them, creating a patch of dry floor as they approach her. “i’m hush. you um.” They stare at their feet. “thank you f-for putting our brain back when coach took it. it was scary in there. sorry. i was too fuzzy to say that b’fore.”

Lili holds out a hand for them, giving a small smile. “Of course. Anything for you guys. You’re my friends.”

They look up, eyes widening. They go to take her hand-

“ Hey what the fuck is going on? ” Dion calls out, clinging to Gisu like his life depends on it. Hush’s hand falls to their side, gaze snapping to Dion.

“oh.” They look at Lili again, then Dion, then each of the agents, as if they’d forgotten where they were for a moment. “dion, right? you’re supposed to be my brother, or something..?”

Their brows knit together in confusion. “um. i don’t like you. nobody likes you.”

Gisu pipes up, frowning. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“oh sorry. nobody in here.” They tap the side of their head. 

“How did you keep your brain? What are you?” Finally, Sasha speaks. Hush blinks owlishly.

“i held my nose. how’d you get out here, sasha?” They tilt their head to the side.

That just confuses the man further. “What?”

“..i think. i’m gonna go. my head hurts an’ i don’t like bein’ here.” Hush quietly walks past Lili. She trails behind at a slight distance. Sasha, Milla and Truman all block the way.

“I’m sorry, darling, but we can’t let you leave. We need to make sure you and Razputin are alright.” Milla kneels closer to their level.

“It’s safe to assume that we’ve overreacted, but this-” Sasha glances at the water. “Is dangerous, Hush.”

“I’d like to arrange a mental assessment before you leave, please. These reactions are extremely unhealthy.” Truman’s voice is soft and sincere. It makes them uncomfortable.

“i don’t.. wanna talk to you.” Their brows furrow as they try to put the words together. Their hands shake as they tug at the hem of their cropped vest. “raz will get sad if- if i hurt you. please step aside.”

“We cannot do that.” Sasha frowns. Hush whines in response, glancing back at Lili, then at the ex-Interns. Lili looks like she wants to say something, but they really, really don’t want to hear it. The rabbit takes a deep breath and squeezes their eyes shut, their form vanishing in a matter of seconds. With their invisibility active, they shuffle around the group, toward the exit.

“Uh-! Hush?!” Lili speaks first, looking around. The others join in, shifting to further block their escape to the best of their ability. Fortunately for the rabbit, their circus background makes them exceptional at climbing over bodies. With a jump and a vault over Truman’s head, they’re home free, darting down the hall to Razputin’s room.

The commotion grows more and more distant as they run, invisibility dropping after a few moments as they feel their head pound with stress and exhaustion. They don’t let up until they reach the room, flinging the door open and diving inside. They lock it behind themself and promptly scramble to hide under Raz’s bed, eyes welling up with tears again. Everything was going so well, wasn’t it? They were going to do it - to finally give everyone a piece of their mind like they deserved and an ass-kicking for good measure. 

Hush sighs shakily, rubbing at their eyes in frustration. They shouldn’t be crying, they shouldn’t have run away. Liz is their friend and they failed her. She made everything work, and they made it all wrong. She’d certainly be mad at them for that, and who’d blame her. The rabbit knew they couldn’t do anything right, and they still insisted on helping. Maybe their passive bad luck caused this.

They can’t keep it all in, tears pouring freely from their eyes as they sob their little heart out, hands tangling into their hair in frustration. It isn’t fair!! Nobody has asked how they feel about all of this, nobody wanted to understand. It just made everything hurt more when they tried to act so nice when they’ve only turned a blind eye to everything else. Hush knows better than anyone - they haven’t been okay for a very, very long time. Before they were even made. But nobody cared about that. They cared about performing and money. They cared about stealing brains, or being awful for the heck of it. They cared about making fun of people, of taking things that weren’t theirs and pretending that was normal.

Hush’s frustration peaked as they wailed, kicking their legs against the underside of the bed as all of the locked up emotions from Raz, Sketch and themself flooded out. A pair of hands, soft and warm, touched their forehead. They flinched, but were shushed gently and pulled out from their hiding place by the same pair of hands. Everything felt too fuzzy and painful to do much about it, at least until they were wrapped in a tender embrace. They felt the rise and fall of the owner’s breaths, gentle words coaxing them to let everything out.

They did, pounding their tiny fists against the kind arms, sobbing about how unfair it all is. Not once did the arms let up, their presence never wavering once through the breakdown. Slowly but surely, the fight left Hush, as did the hatred. Their sobs quieted down as they clung to the figure enveloping them, apologizing over and over.

“It’s alright, darling… It’s okay.” Her voice was so soft, so full of love. “It’s okay. I’m sorry we didn’t help you. I’m so, so sorry.” Milla’s voice. It broke slightly, the guilt weighing on her. Hush hugged tighter, hiccuping.

“m-miss milla…” Another sob.

“Shh… It’s okay. It’s okay.” She pressed a kiss onto their head, holding her face there as she continued to reassure them. Agonizingly slowly, they calmed down, tears slowing to slobbering cheek stains and sniffles.

“m’sorry…” Was all they could manage, burying their face into her shoulder.

“It’s okay. I’m so glad you’re safe, sweetheart.” She squeezed them gently. “I’m sorry we let you feel like this for so long. You act so grown up sometimes, it…” She paused, taking a deep breath. “You’re only 10, darling. Don’t be sorry.”

They try to respond, only to whine.

“You must be tired. It’s okay, you can rest. We’ll talk properly when you wake up, okay?” She kissed their head again. They nodded, already feeling their eyes slip closed. Milla was so warm, so full of the kindness they’d always dreamed of from their mother. It felt like a dream come true.

Hush was asleep before they knew it, cradled in the arms of Milla Vodello. Sasha hung awkwardly in the doorway, clearly feeling out of place.

“Alright… He’s asleep now.” The woman looks back at her partner, mascara running from her own tears. She liked to think she was stronger than this. She’s seen so much worse in her time. But it’s different with Razputin, it always is.

“..Good.” Sasha shuffles over, putting an arm around Milla’s shoulders. “Are you alright?”

She smiles, wiping her cheeks with a gloved hand. “I’ll manage. Let’s worry about him first.”

Sasha nods, helping the woman up. “This is… Out of my expertise. You handled it well.”

Milla huffed an approximation of a laugh as they passed the newly placed hazard signs. “You don’t have to tell me twice, darling. You looked like a fish the way you were gaping.”

“Hey!” Sasha whisper-yelled, feigning offense. He slipped into his usual persona as they exited the dorms. He sighed as the number of people began to thin.  “I can’t help but feel this is my fault, in a way.”

“Hm?”

“When I showed him my mental world.” He elaborated, avoiding eye contact. “I informed him of the importance of an organized mind. I fear he took it too literally.”

“And compartmentalized everything…” She sighed as they both rode the elevator up. “Something you are also known to do, might I add.”

“Mmh.” He huffed.

“Don’t be too hard on yourself, Sasha. We all had a hand in pressuring him to do too much.” 

“Yes, I know. I only hope the damage can be undone.”

Chapter Text

Hello folks! If you're reading this, I really appreciate it. Whether you're a returning fan or someone who, for some reason, managed to make it through all 9 chapters of doodoo ass writing, I'm very thankful you're here. You might be wondering what this is all about, considering this fic's last update was. Checks watch. 25th of March, 2023. Jesus. Basically I started getting back into Psychonauts after a bunch of other fandoms gripped me violently by the head and shook me around like a snowglobe. I read every single comment on my fics, and there was a lot of love from y'all over the years. I've wanted to do SOMETHING with this work, but I honestly was starting to hate my writing here. It was kind of a mess. I'm very much balls to the wall, no-planning kind of guy, so. That's why.
So I'm gonna rewrite this godforsaken fanfic if it kills me, and maybe I'll finally finish a work for once.

I would like to preface that I am not diagnosed with DID or OSDD, and I encourage people to seek a diagnosis when it's safe to do so. I believe I COULD have OSDD, but I'm not about to act like I'm a professional on this. A lot of what irks me now about my old writing is that I acted like I knew what I was doing, like someone who WAS diagnosed. So I need to be clear about that. I am NOT. Going into the rewrite, I'm going to be using my lived experiences with dissociation, because I have experience with that, and extensive research via the DSM-5. This work is an almost-impossible scenario of a child discovering their mental disorder, but it's a world of psychics where the innerworkings of the mind is a platforming videogame so I think we can suspend our disbelief a little here. I need to stress this, though. The whole point of DID and OSDD is your mind NOT wanting to know something is wrong with it.

I'm going to try and rewrite everything, then reupload it all in one chunk before continuing the story, so I hope you'll bear with me here. I felt that my original writing didn't handle DID/OSDD with the tact they deserve, though I greatly appreciate all the kind words left on this work up until now. To all the old fans, thank you for sticking around this long, and I hope you enjoy the rewritten version when it comes out!

I'm also going to be redesigning the alters. But I'm keeping catboy Sasha. It's hilarious.

Cheers,

mxthbxlls.