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For Alex, the hardest part about life in Haven Springs now was figuring out which choice would be worse: agreeing to whatever sporty activity Ryan wanted her to try that day or very briefly being faced with that lost puppy look on his face when she told him she couldn’t do it. In her biased opinion, they were both very difficult choices because on the one hand, she could come out of it a complete and embarrassed mess as she had so kindly demonstrated that day they went mountain biking and she fell on her ass, but on the other hand, seeing Ryan trying to cover up that brief moment of disappointment when he failed to sway her toward the outdoorsy lifestyle was just a little bit heartbreaking to see. He always seemed to walk around with a golden glow these days, happy with the state of his life and the fact that Alex had chosen to stay here in his hometown, but that was during the day—nighttime was a different story. When the sun went down and the moon was high in the sky, angry and forlorn shades of crimson and violet tainted his golden aura, conflicting thoughts swirling in his mind like a mad man.
Of course, it was all because of Jed.
She felt awful because she felt like there wasn’t much she could do to help Ryan in this situation. This didn’t feel like before when she could offer up Gabe’s forgiveness or even her own—this had little to do with her, and no matter how much she tried to get through to him, assure him that nobody could have known about Jed’s secrets, he couldn’t seem to let go of his anger, his sadness. Instead, she was forced to pretend like she didn’t see him wander off on the nights he slept over in favor of the rooftop, his feelings so palpable and strong that she could feel it spiking through the closed door.
But the negativity wasn’t all-consuming in his soul, and that comforted her. Ryan still glowed a genuine joy throughout the day that comforted her more than she could tell him, and that was why it was hard to turn down his rugged, outdoorsy ideas for dates because she just hated seeing the violet creep into the yellow he radiated around her. He had already suffered enough; she wouldn’t be responsible for more of his pain.
So, really, the choice was already made.
Today’s outdoor heist was something simple: a nature hike with the intention of seeking out certain birds that frequented the area. He’d made it a game for her—printing out pictures of different kinds of birds in the woods of these mountains and having her check them off as she found them. Each bird had a difficulty rating, and the higher the difficulty, the bigger the prize, so the extra incentive definitely made Alex a bit more excited about agreeing to this tryst.
Besides, as she read over the list, she found that the rewards were definitely worth all the outdoor exercise.
“One promise for a lazy Sunday where we get to hang out together and do things of my choice? How is that any different from any other Sunday?”
Ryan huffed a laugh, pausing at the beginning of the trail to take a sip of water. “Well, this slip of paper guarantees that you won’t hear any complaints from me.”
“I already don’t hear any complaints from you. Seriously, I’d almost think you were lying about how much fun you were having going along with whatever I say if I couldn’t see your aura. It’s always joyful.”
Ryan shrugged and gave her a half-smile, hiding his flushed face away as he stowed the water back in his backpack. “It’s because I am always happy … with you. With whatever we do.”
Alex’s heart skipped a beat at that, but she made a teasing face, unable to resist herself. “That’s disgusting.”
“Hey,” he laughed, bumping shoulders with her, and Alex laughed along with him. He stayed close, a welcome disruption to her personal bubble that she never minded these days. It filled the void that she had felt for … a very long time now. “It’s true, though. I’m a simple man, Alex, I don’t need to be filling our time with one boisterous activity after the other. I’m fine with just sitting in silence with you. Hanging out at your place while we do our own things. As long as you’re near, I feel peace.”
She could see his genuineness spreading around him like a warm cloud, feel it coursing throughout the both of them as he infected her with his inner peace, and she felt so lucky in that moment. She’d really done it; she’d really gone ahead and found herself a family, a place to belong—no, not found—built. She’d built this family and this home here in Haven Springs with worthy people, and she still couldn’t believe her luck half the time.
Alex left the teasing behind for a moment as she clutched onto the collar of his plaid jacket, warming inside at the way it still surprised him even though she did this often, and pulled him down enough for her to reach. She kissed him on the mouth softly, appreciatively, and she loved the way Ryan’s hands always came up to cradle her face as if she were something to be treasured. In his eyes, she knew she was.
“Keep saying stuff like that,” she chuckled when she pulled away, patting his chest affectionately as she stepped back to look over her list again. She could see Ryan in her peripheral, still a stunned mess as he tried to regain his bearings. He really was so cute and innocent in her mind.
There were only about 10 birds on his list, so she knew they wouldn’t be out there all day, but as they moved along the trails of the mountain, going higher and higher up in this sleepy town, she found herself not minding the walk all that much. Her legs didn’t get sore anymore, so she could go farther and farther now, and it definitely helped in getting all these prizes along the way. She’d found seven of them already on her journey up the mountain, and she’d already gotten to redeem a few rewards already. She’d gotten a kiss for finding the Belted Kingfisher by the stream, mighty and tall high up on the top of a tree, waiting for its prey to swim by. For finding the Black-capped Chickadee, she was gifted a picture. Ryan was able to find the perfect background as they posed near the tiny bird way up on a tree branch by a ravine, Haven Springs just a cute little maze in the back as he took their picture with the sun shining down perfectly, bright smiles on both of their faces. It was picturesque in every sense of the word, and he told her how he would print it out and frame it for her, and she should be on the lookout for it real soon.
The Brown-capped Rosy Finch was eluding her, though, which was a shame because she really wanted the reward that came along with that particular one. It was a promise for a sleepover at his house, which—she’d never been to before. The home he’d shared with Jed his entire life in the woods behind town was just an imaginary place in her head, a place that she once imagined was filled with happy memories and memorable knickknacks that belonged to his entire family, his mother included. Maybe there were a ton of books on birds lying around on the coffee table, haphazard and worn from constant use. There was probably a locked case full of guns that Jed owned and had collected from over the years. And Ryan’s mother, well, she didn’t know too much about her, but maybe there was even a garden in their backyard that they maintained, something to keep her spirit alive even after death.
Alex didn’t think about that place anymore. It had hurt just seeing Jed’s memorabilia in the Black Lantern, she didn’t even want to think about all the shit of Jed’s that still probably hung in Ryan’s home.
And Ryan understood. They didn’t talk about it, but it was always a subject they managed to skirt around. Whenever it was time to hang out, it was always at Alex’s place, no question about it. They both seemed to like it that way, so why rock the boat?
But if he was openly inviting her now—because that’s definitely what this reward was—then he must have done something, something to ensure that it would be a safe place for Alex to come into. After all, he was the one who had first made the suggestion of taking Jed’s things down from the bar, which nobody was vehemently opposed to. She was so relieved at it, in fact, and he saw that in her. She remembered when the last piece of Jed’s things came down, and Alex felt like she could breathe again. And she did. She had taken a deep, cleansing breath as she took the place in, staring at the empty walls with something like grief settling in her bones. But she hadn’t been grieving for Jed or any of his things that had decorated the walls, she had been grieving for the town. This was the bar they had all shared so many memories in, and she almost felt guilty, like she was waltzing into this place and upending everyone’s safe space. But Ryan had come to her in that moment and settled an arm around her shoulders, bringing her in close, and together, they grieved the emptiness of the Black Lantern.
“It looks weird like this,” she had said, fingers seeking out his on her shoulder. “Like there’s no life here. Like … like someone died—all over again. It shouldn’t be like this.”
She was anxious, nervous, tired, all bunched up into one, and Ryan didn’t need to have powers like she did to understand what she was feeling.
He had squeezed her shoulder comfortingly, his voice confident as he spoke through the light twinge of sadness in his voice and aura. “This is just a part of the healing process. We’ll move on, but the people here won’t forget. All the good times worth remembering will still be with them—right here,” he said, clutching onto her hand and bringing it to his heart. He smiled warmly at her, and she couldn’t doubt him in that moment. Not when his eyes were looking so imploringly at her. “We’ll rebuild, and our new foundation will be even stronger than the one from before because that one was built on lies. It was bound to come tumbling down at some point. We have a real chance now to make this town what it should have been all along.”
And she had believed him.
Now, he was inviting her over to his house for the first time, and the action was much more meaningful considering all they’d been through. She didn’t want this chance to fly by her, but it was just so damn hard to find the pink feathers of that damned Brown-capped Rosy Finch.
“Have you ever even seen a Rosy Finch up on these mountains? Because I’ve been up here with you plenty of times, and I don’t remember ever seeing a single one,” she said as she sat on the flat of a stone, digging her water out of her pack. It wasn’t a hot day, and the high altitude even made it chillier up here, but she was getting herself all worked up over this bird, and she needed a minute.
Ryan shook his head, smiling out against the distance. The town was merely a little dotted box from here. “Now why would I send you on a wild goose chase? You’re talking to a Colorado State Park Ranger, of course I’ve seen a Rosy Finch up in these mountains.”
Alex sighed as she slipped her water away, gazing out at the trees, hoping to see even a tiny glimpse of pink, but alas—there was none. “Can you at least give me a hint? Where do they usually gather?”
“Mmm,” Ryan hummed, hands on his hips as his eyes slipped to the treetops as well. “Fine. I’ll give you a hint. I’ll admit that I don’t see them often, but when I do see them, they’re near the peak.” His gaze settled on a small peak just ahead of where they were heading. It wasn’t too far away, and there was a little fence blocking off the edge. It looked almost cozy from down here.
“Okay, we’re almost there. We can do it. I can do it,” she said, giving herself a small pep talk. Truthfully, this wasn’t a bad hike, and they had definitely done worse ones on rougher terrain and longer distances, but she was really excited about getting this list done and heading back home. She kind of just wanted to hurry.
They continued on their trek taking it one step at a time, and it was mostly silent between them. The great thing about Ryan was that the silences never really felt awkward. They were both kind of shy people, and even though they weren’t that shy around each other anymore, they still liked to live within their minds more often than not, talking only when they wanted to make a joke or to show the other something out on the trail or to tell the other about something crazy that had happened the other day. It was all easy conversation, and she never felt drained being around him, not like she did with other people.
They had just reached the clearing of the peak when Alex said, “What about the other two birds? The Lark Bunting and the Cedar Waxwing. Where do they like to hang out?”
“Oh, those?” Ryan smiled coyly, avoiding her eyes. “Yeah, we passed a few of them on our way up, actually.”
Alex stopped mid-stride and gaped at him in betrayal. “And you just failed to mention this to me earlier?”
He laughed, unperturbed by her mock outrage. “It’s your challenge, not mine. It would be cheating if I was the one who found them.”
“As if you aren’t the biggest cheat. I see how you play poker against Steph, and you’re lucky I find you too cute to expose or else you’d be on Steph’s shit list by now.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he said, very exaggeratedly batting innocent eyelashes at her. Alex was weak. All she could do was shake her head, laugh away the soft feelings swirling around in her chest at his look, and hope a blush wasn’t betraying her on her cheeks.
“All right, I’ll let you slide this time. But if I don’t get this entire list checked by the time we reach town, it’s gonna be on you. And that’s just two rewards that you won’t be seeing either since all of these are connected to you in some way.”
Ryan finally had the gall to look stumped. “Yeahhh, I guess that was my bad, wasn’t it? Next time, the rewards will be wholly for you and for no one else. That incentive should be enough to keep your eyes peeled next time.”
“And what do you think I’ve been doing this whole time?” she almost squealed.
“I don’t know, Chen, I think you’ve been doing quite a lot of ogling in my direction since we started. It’s very easy to miss these little creatures when you’re otherwise preoccupied.” He shrugged his shoulders as if he knew she couldn’t resist him.
Alex tapped her nose in mock fury before sticking a finger out toward him. “You listen here, Lucan, and you listen good. I most certainly was not—”
There it was. Perched on a low branch merely feet away from Ryan’s big, ego inflated head was the little Brown-capped Rosy Finch. It blended right in with the brown of the branch, but there was a subtle pinkness to its belly that drew her eyes straight over to it.
“Don’t move, or it might get you,” she said quietly, eyes wide, afraid to scare the little bird off. It had taken her this entire journey to find, and she wasn’t going to let it get away now.
Ryan listened to her, freezing up immediately at her words. It was almost funny how wary he looked, as if she’d just told him that a giant troll was behind him.
“What is it?” he whispered just as quietly, voice traveling along easily in the breeze up here on the peak. He turned his head very slowly to inspect behind him, but he didn’t see it. Alex took a few steps forward, but Ryan held his hand out, cautioning her. “Hold up, now, what is it? It could be dangerous.”
Alex controlled herself, sucking on her tongue to keep herself from outright smiling. “I’ve never seen anything like it before. Just one touch…” She’d reached Ryan now and was starting to stretch her hand out, eyes filled with wonder, when Ryan moved. It was so fast, she barely had any time to block him, but he had an arm wrapped around the front of her and was backing them up so quick she almost tripped. That was when she started laughing. Her giggles rose out of her before she could contain herself, and Ryan let her go in confusion, still gazing around them for whatever imaginary threat he had concocted in his head.
“Oh, Ryan,” she laughed, clutching her stomach as she righted herself. Ryan was slowly coming to the conclusion that he’d been duped, and he looked embarrassed as hell, maybe even a little put off. “What did you think was there?”
“It could have been anything!” he defended, still gazing around the area in front of them. “It could have been a rattlesnake or a black bear or even a mountain lion. You know someone in town recently found a mountain lion and took it home thinking it was a cat.” He made a face at that. “It happens.”
Alex finally reigned it in, huffing out a few last chuckles. “Come on, now, why would I try to pet a bear? Or even a snake? You know I hate most animals, right?”
Ryan snorted, shaking his head tiredly. “Yeah, well, I wasn’t really thinking, I guess.”
Alex cocked her head at him and took pity. He really wasn’t thinking if his first thought went straight to danger. A bear? As if she would ever try to pet that. “That was really sweet, though. You pushed me out of the way of harm without even hesitating. I’ve never had anyone do that for me before, and yet you’ve done it for me over and over again.” She stepped closer and placed a lingering kiss on his scruffy cheek, smiling up at his surprised face with what felt like stars in her eyes. “My hero.”
“Yeah, yeah,” he said, but he was smiling in his eyes. “Just don’t go putting yourself in harm’s way on purpose because I’m not always around to help out, and I’m not always fast enough.” She loved how he was so easy to read, even without the powers. His emotions always hung on his face as plain as day, and even as he gently berated her about danger and safety up on the mountains, she could see just how weak he was to her, as well.
Alex saluted him, back as straight as a pin. “Aye aye, Sir. No playing around on the trails, got it.”
Ryan huffed, rolling his eyes. “I didn’t mean that.”
Alex waved him off with another chuckle. “Come look at what I found.”
She led them over to the low-hanging branch that housed the Rosy Finch, and she was somewhat surprised to find that it hadn’t moved from all their commotion. Alex held her hands out in presentation. “And here I present: my ticket to a sleepover at the Lucan house.”
Ryan whistled lowly at the sight, astonished that they’d really managed to find one. “What a beauty. She’s gotta have a nest of friends around here because they aren’t usually so solitary.” He straightened up and surveyed the area around them thoughtfully. “I guess I should start cleaning my place up. It has gotten a bit … bachelor pad-esque as of late, I’ll admit. Not fit enough for company, but it’s nothing that can’t be cleaned up in a day, so you just say the word, and I’ll get right on it.”
“I’ll keep you to that.” She smiled at him, loving the feel of the warm, fuzzy feelings coursing throughout her. It wasn’t a feeling she was used to feeling, but now she seemed to feel it all the time, and not just from Ryan, but from everyone in town—from Ethan when they’re playing video games, from Duckie when she’s serving him his favorite whiskey at the bar and he’s rehashing another story about Gabe to her, from Eleanor when she’s proudly showing Alex another letter from Riley detailing all the exciting things she’s been exploring, from Steph when they’re jamming out in the record store together, and even from Charlotte when they see each other at the bar and catch up. She felt it from everyone, and once again, she found herself being so grateful for being able to find this hidden place.
The trek down seemed a lot faster than the journey upward. She was basically racing down the uneven slope, ignoring Ryan’s half-hearted calls for her to take it slowly on these trails. It was barely that steep of a hill, and deep down, Ryan knew that he was talking to a brick wall at this point. When Alex had her mind set on something, hardly anything could sway her. Sure enough, she managed to find the last two birds way down near where the trail opened up into town, and once she pointed out to Ryan the Cedar Waxwing sitting on the fence post, she finally stopped and leaned against it, frowning slightly when the bird decided to take off at her closeness.
“What a pretty bird,” she said as Ryan finally caught up to her. He was panting more than she was, and she felt a little bad at the way she made him race to keep up with her, but he didn’t seem bothered by any of it—merely used to Alex doing things her own way. “It almost looks like a digital painting; the colors look so smooth. Hey! Also, I just earned myself one back massage and one trip to the movie theaters with you, so be prepared to work those magic fingers because we're doing the back massage today.”
“You move fast for someone so tiny,” he said, ignoring everything she said and taking another swig from his water bottle.
She scoffed. “I resent that,” she said, pushing off the post to stare him down. “You would think for someone with longer legs, you’d be able to keep up faster.”
Ryan stashed his bottle away and came up to cup her cheeks. He playfully squished them beneath his cold hands, and she tried to squirm away from the cold touch, but he held on tight, keeping her pinned. “Why are you always clapping back at me with these thinly-veiled insults? All I do is adore you,” he said, pouting in that cute way of his.
“You make it too easy to pick on because you’re just so innocent,” she said, but who knew if he could even understand her through her squished cheeks.
“What was that?” he asked, cocking his head. Oh, he was playing dirty. “I couldn’t understand that last part.”
“Asshole,” she said, but Ryan just shook his head, leaning in closer.
“Come again? It almost sounds like you’re saying—”
His next words were muffled because he was finally close enough for her to surge forward and kiss, cutting off his playful remarks in the best way she knew how to now. Like she said: he was weak. He instantly melted to her, hands loosening immediately in favor of caressing her sweetly, smoothing his thumb over her cheeks as she brought her own hands up to his neck, keeping him close. His skin was so soft along his neck, smooth beneath her fingertips, but as she worked her way up near his chin, it got rougher, coarser as his hair grew, and she whined at the contrast.
Ryan pulled off like he always did when either of them got worked up, and even though she groaned, she always appreciated it. Someone needed to keep them in line or else she’d have been in his bed at the first sign of lust on her end.
“Easy, tiger,” he said, smiling down at her. “We’re in a public place, a protected space, and I’d rather not give these birds a show. Who knows who they’ll go blabbing to.”
“Yeah,” she chuckled, “if only that elusive Rosy Finch could see us now, she’d be telling all her other finch friends.”
“Well, actually, the Brown-capped Rosy Finch is an endangered species, so even though we have a small nest up there with a group of them, there’s actually not many other Rosy Finches for it to tell—”
“Shh,” she said, furrowing her eyebrows and placing a finger to his lips. “I was joking.”
“You were joking, right,” he said almost simultaneously, nodding to himself.
“I appreciate the knowledge though, because I had no idea they were endangered. It’s kind of sad.”
They broke apart but still stayed crowded in each other’s spaces, gazing up the mountain peak that housed the small group of endangered finches. It did seem kind of sad to her that the finches were endangered, but she took comfort in the fact that they weren't alone up there—they were a family.
“Yeah, but at least they chose a good home to stay in. The animals in these parts are very well protected if I do say so myself.” He probably didn’t mean to, but his chest definitely puffed up proudly. She snorted. Men.
“Ryan Lucan, protector of the endangered Rosy Finches. It’s got a nice ring to it.”
“I thought so, too,” he said, nodding seriously, and Alex had to laugh at that. He was the biggest dork she knew, and she loved that about him.
“Come on, Ranger Lucan, we’ve got places to be. Backs to massage. Houses to clean.” She looped her arm through his and started guiding them back into town, the soft chatter of people on the streets filling their ears the closer they got.
“Ugh, don’t remind me,” he groaned dramatically. “My place really isn’t that big, but it’s definitely more than a one man job.”
Alex shrugged, thinking. “Why don’t you just ask Steph to help out? I would offer my own services, but somehow, I don’t think you want me to see the place in its current state.”
“You’d be right about that,” he said almost guiltily. “Steph would definitely come and help me though, I just feel bad dragging her into my mess. Literally. It’s such a mess. Especially after my dad, I just … kind of let the place go.”
Alex hugged his arm closer to her, trying to comfort him in her own way. “You can’t be blamed for that. I mean, you should have seen my place after Gabe. I don’t even know how I managed to look at that place each day, but look at it I did, and yet it took me a while before I could find the energy to start cleaning up. Nobody can blame us for needing time to gather the energy to deal with life after our world has been rocked.”
“Yeah,” he said, kicking a tiny rock in their path. “Yeah, maybe you’re right. It was right down awful after dad first got put away. But it’s been a few weeks now, and I can definitely say that I feel more like myself lately. I mean, hanging out with you has done wonders in keeping my mind occupied, and I want to thank you for that. Truly, I don’t know where I’d be right now if I didn’t have you.”
They were just on the edge of town now, right at the bridge of flowers that opened up onto Main Street. Alex stopped them and took Ryan’s hands in hers, gathering the energy to look into his eyes and say, “You did the same for me. After Gabe, I just wanted to sulk in the apartment because I hardly knew anyone. I just wanted to feel him as much as I could, but I couldn’t see that it just wasn’t healthy for me. Then, you came along, you and Steph, and you brought me out of the house with documentaries and mountain biking, and looking back now, it really meant the world to me. I would have wallowed in my grief if not for you two, and I probably would have left town, to be honest.”
A streak of violet hit the edges of her peripheral, and her heart spiked. Shit. Ryan’s sadness was slowly creeping up on him, and she frowned into the forlorn look he now wore. She didn’t mean to, but his thoughts were suddenly front and center for her taking.
Left town? Man… I had no idea she was that bad off. I should have came to her sooner. I should have called her, I should have…
Alex closed her eyes against the onslaught, shaking her head to clear herself of his regrets. It didn’t matter anymore. He had come eventually, and it was just in time. That’s all that mattered now.
“I’m sorry, Alex,” he tried to console, but she wouldn’t let him. She shook her head and squeezed his hands.
“Why? I’m still here, aren’t I? I didn’t leave. And it’s because you were there when I needed you. I didn’t know it at the time, but I did. Both you and Steph. So don’t be sorry, be grateful that you showed up for me at all. Now, let us do that for you. Call Steph. Have her come over and help you clean up because I promise you, surrounding yourself with people who care about you is the best way to get through this hard time. I would know. And I’ll be here when you want to hang out outside of your home.”
Ryan half-smiled at her, his thumbs rubbing along the back of her hands. “I know that. I appreciate that more than you know.”
Much to her relief, the purple began to fade away from him, the mess of his thoughts quieting down until it was just them again, alone but together in front of the town.
“I think I do know,” she said, gaze moving from his fading aura to his bright eyes.
Ryan squinted at her playfully before saying, “Cheater.”
“I guess that makes two of us,” she said, leaning in on her tip toes. Ryan got the message and met her halfway, stealing a quick kiss before they had to be decent in front of everyone again. His kisses were so sweet, so much so that it was easy to get lost in them, but Ryan was ever the gentleman, and pulled away, eyes sliding down to their joined hands.
“You all good now?” she said, nudging his chin with her finger.
He chuckled and nodded, eyes sparkling with happiness. “Yeah. Thanks, Alex. You always seem to know what to say. And it’s more than just your power, it’s just … you. I know it in my heart that even without your power, you would still know just what to say to make people feel better.”
More of that now familiar warmth spread throughout Alex at his words, and she ducked her head for a moment before gazing back at him. “You think so?”
He tucked her hair behind her ear oh so gently, and they both laughed when it fell back over her cheek. His laugh was filled with honey, smooth and warm, and she hoped she never got to stop hearing it. “I do.”
I do.